This is going to be a rather lengthy response, but I think it is important.

Thank you, Danielle for your thought filled comment. I am sorry if something I wrote made you uncomfortable, and I respect your opinions very much.

Please allow me to address the things you said in your comment to clarify what was the heart of what I wrote in the article.

First, I was not trying to insinuate to anyone who has been through horrendous circumstances and now lives with the consequences should “be grateful” or “lump it”.

I have been through horrible abuse and understand what it feels like to have people try to marginalize my experiences and tell me to ignore and get over what happened.

I can’t, and I won’t.

However, the most powerful thing I ever did on my healing journey has been to not listen to those who would say I just need to “get over it” and “move on.” They were and still are dry wells not having any water to help me not die of dehydration while working on past issues.

Instead, I needed to find wells with water in them, good people who would support me and never say “get over it” because they understand that it takes time to heal. They have held me when I have wept and been there on my good days and bad.

Your point was that it is perfectly normal to dread death.

I agree that dread of dying is a way to make us have a healthy fear of dying so that we won’t get ourselves into risky situations. I also agree death helps us evolve as people.

What I was saying is that dreading death so much that you forget to live is wasteful because we all die some time. There are no exceptions, so live life accepting life on life’s terms as much as you can. That does not mean allowing yourself or others to harm you and walk away shirking it off, that means doing all you can to move forward from that person or situation and allow yourself to carry on.

I like your statement, “fear of the future comes from past experiences and the perceived inability to cope.”

I believe the active word is “perceived.”

We do have the power as adults to change how we look at our past experiences. It takes time, but eventually developing the skills to sit back and ask ourselves, “What did I learn from that experience?” is very powerful.

Your next point regarded having a fear of the future.

Indeed, healthy concern about the future and how we will cope when there is something that needs addressing is very true.

Also, yes, fear is a feeling that comes and goes.

I love your following statement, “If I am afraid of the future I try to react as my wise counsellor puts it: become aware, evaluate the situation, then act accordingly. I do not always manage to do it (the worst obstacle to good planning and reacting is a pessimist with high creativity, and I am an artist), but it is a good recipe.”
How powerful is that! Amazing insight!

Your third point was about me saying, “Life is an experience to relish, not to dread.”

Did you know that people in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany who suffered horrendously under Hitler’s regime, did their best to maintain some life? There were even marriages and lover’s making love.

I am not at all saying their circumstances weren’t horrible, I would never say something so dreadful. They suffered and died in numbers I cannot fathom.

I was trying to help my readers see that no matter how you have suffered in your past, and no matter how unpleasant it is today may seem, someday the clouds of dread, loneliness, isolation, depression, etc., will part and life will begin to be something entirely different.

However, the road less taken is a long one and it takes bravery to walk down it. Yet, once you do, if you remain determined, you will find that the journey is well worth it.

You are also correct, it is where you are and many others as well, and that is perfectly OK.

I adore your statement, “I try to be aware of the beauty that is still there, of the tremendous energy of life around me. And to see it as the adventure it is – and it would not be a real adventure without the “stuck in the jungle with tigers, leeches and mosquitoes”

Life IS an adventure and to spend all our time dreading it and its outcome is putting ourselves in a prison of our own making. While we all go through hard times, and no one escapes this truth and I mean NO ONE, what harm does it do to stop our suffering and spend some time looking for the beauty around us.

But, yep, there are lots of tigers, leeches and mosquitoes in among the beautiful flowers and trees.

It does take time to reach the point where you are out of the woods, or jungle as you said.

There is one thing I feel I need to say.

You will NEVER be in the position where there are no emotional pressures, nope, won’t happen. No matter how far down the road less taken you go, there will always be experiences you neither want nor anticipated.

However, while you are struggling to get out of survival mode and into thriving, why not look up once in a while to look at the stars or enjoy yourself at a park watching kids play?

Can it hurt? Will it divert you from your healing? Will it lessen what you went through in the past or marginalize what you are going through today?

Just some food for thought.

Thank you, Danielle. Your comment will assist me in writing in the future.

Wow! Did not expect that! Thank you, Shirley!!! Have a Wonderful New Year!!! I just tears!!!

Thank you Lari. Its great to have a friend visit here as well! Shirley