Why?

Because of the effects of these issues on our mentalhealth, productivity, families, inner strength, self-esteem, personaldevelopment, careers, professionaldevelopment, relationships with colleagues, leadership

If you’ve been paying attention to the issues being covered by the #media and the government recently (and if you work in #healthcare as I do), you know that when trauma and abuse occurs in families, the results can also be devastating.

To even begin to address and cope with issues including family estrangement, and how they may affect you and your family, you have to first understand them.

This article is a nice place to start – strong work!

My writing too has been a huge help in my healing so I understand. I forget that not everyone can get the help they need from therapists and such. I’m retired and get help with Medicare and can afford it but I have seen the day when I was going into deep debt paying for a therapist that could help me. I hope you find tons more support. Have you considered taking CPTSD Foundation up on some of the programs we offer? If you cannot afford our services there are scholarships available because we don’t want anyone to be left out who need us for support. Just go to https://cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship-application/. Shirley

Thank you for that, Shirley. In my personal and financial circumstances, therapy isn’t really an option. I feel lucky to have my writing, and this is its own form of therapy for me. I definitely feel, going forward, that I need to focus increasingly upon those who actually are supportive. Unfortunately, my in-law family will remain in the picture, because of my husband being in contact. I don’t see that changing, and have to find ways to get through, pretty much. Gratitude for what I do have helps.

I’m so sorry and I understand. I was disowned by a member of my family and soon that whole side of the family acted as if I didn’t exist. It is painful to say the least. I found help through therapy and through people I found who would treat me right. I don’t know if those would help you, but I thought I’d mention it. I’ve been told before that I urge everyone to get therapy but it is all I know because it helped me. Anyway, I hope you find some peace of mind soon. It is so hard when dealing with narcissists. Perhaps you and your partner could find each other as a family is enough and leave those who hurt you and continue to do so behind? just a thought. Shirley

Planning ahead by practicing grounding techniques to combat any triggers will help. They were your parents so even though you don’t like them and hate what they did to you, you are definitely going to feel some strong and conflicting emotions. My mother died in 2011 and I at first was upset but because of grounding techniques I had learned in therapy, I was able to quickly get grounded. I have written several posts on grounding techniques and am in fact writing one right now for my website http://www.morgan6062.com. I’d love for you to visit there and get some tips. The piece won’t be up until tomorrow or Saturday, but there are other great articles there. Anyway, you take good care of you and talk about plus practice grounding techniques with your therapist. Make sure they are aware of your fears and allow them to help you deal with the inevitability of the deaths of your parents. Shirley

Thank you Shirley. I do communicate with a couple of abuse survivors that are online. You’re right-it’s not flesh & blood in-person support which is so much better.
I am particularly thinking of this subject of making a new family of choice because my former parents are aged and ill. I know I’m going to have to face being in No Contact when they pass away. I will not be attending their funerals. I did not attend my brother’s funeral. He was their ally and turned against me for exposing the abuse-as did all extended family as well. So I have NO family.
I’m in therapy so that helps. But I’m worried (“anticipatory anxiety”) about the conflicting feelings I know I’ll have when they die. I was a mess when I grieved my brother’s death alone with my husband. It’s not normal! I had love for my brother as he wasn’t always against me. Just when it counted. I have no such feelings for my parents but I’m afraid of being triggered in my CPTSD. Any suggestions when I have no one to walk through that with me when it happens-soon (I suppose)?

I understand. I have chronic illnesses too and don’t get out much. However, I do have one solution that may or may not work in your situation. I found friends and contacts through online support groups. I know, they are not flesh and blood contacts, and you have to be careful what group you choose, but it was very comforting to me when I have been homebound due to my health. You can take advantage of the programs the CPTSD Foundation offers including daily phone calls and other offerings. Check out our home page to find them. I understand also you may be on a fixed budget and not have resources to pay for the different things we offer. We offer scholarships to those who cannot pay. Just use the contact us page and let us know your situation. Just because you cannot reach out to people in person doesn’t mean you are out of options. Good luck on your journey and I hope to see you about. Shirley