A Love Letter to Your Soul – its about the release from an anima or animus possession and reconciliation with our own innocence.

A way of radically loving yourself first and always being first.

through brash and hawthorn,
on hands and knees,
crawling through hurt,
cuts deep so deep,
yet this blood entwined flows free,
cellular divinity enshrined in me,
heart aches,
breaks to find thee,
said angels and ghouls,
don’t go there,
stay here with us,
this dispare we’ll share,

Get To Fuck

this pain I’ll bear not share,
hold it in love,
never dispare,
I’ll follow and follow,
to find a love that hides,
soul light as guide
calming the inside,
death thought,
I have the cut of your cloth,
menace I match thee,
with axe,
one blow,
now let her go,
you have what I am,
now set her free,
if you’re in here I’ll find you,
hold you with care,
I will carry you in love
love to spare

love did spread like star dust from above,
a shower did fall this way,
a story of love untold,
of quantum bonds,
and
earnest promises to be kept,
a pledge of love from oneself in the other,
nothing else above,
everything else to be,
in a love so plain,
so plain to see,
fly high,
hit the floor,
smashed right through the fucking door,
this pledge of love is like no other,
so simple, simple as can be,
nothing above,
nothing below,
in defiance of reality,
no judge shall sit upon this shore,
just love,
divine mother of all life,
take me to that place,
deep within your womb,
where I can know nothing,
and be
reborn
reborn anew.

I have found that joyful appreciation works for me.

Annadatthu haro mitto

one who makes friends only to cheat them

Yo ca mitto vaci-paramo

one who is only good in word

Anupiyanca yo ahu

one who flatters and cajoles

Apayesu ca yo sakha

and a companion in ruinous fun

Ete amitte cattaro It is vinnaya pandito

these four the heart knows as non friends

Araka parivajjeyya

avoid them from afar

Maggam patibhayam yatha

like a dangerous road

Upakaro ca yo mitto

a friend who is helpful

Sukha-dukkho ca yo sakha

one who shares in your sorrows and joys

Attakkayi ca yo mitto

one who points you to worthwhile things

Yo ca mittanampako

one sympathic to friendship of the true heart:

Etepi mittens cattaro Iti vinnaya pandito

these four, the wise heart knows as a true feeling as true friends.

Sakkaccam payirupsaeyya

attend to them earnestly and your heart will guide you.

I been reading Listening Dangerously : The Inner Dimensions of Dialogue Training by Judith Simmer Brown, it’s not necessarily about cptsd and or narcissism but rather the acknowledgement of the parts within us we talk to.

The work has its basis in Christian-buddhist studies but the author has made efforts to be inclusive of other dualism in identity formation.

I would, for those who are into it, have a look at Mind, Meaning and Mental Disorder : The Nature of Causal Explanation in Psychology and Psychiatry by Derek Bolton and Jonathan Hill.

I suggest this because as I am learning to manage the voids, chaos and ungroundedness I find, are being languaged without critical appreciation of the unique perceptual acuity inherent in cptsd, for example the abstraction of ideal types can be accounted for through what is called proprioception and also in Jungian Archetypes.

It simply makes me wonder differently about how ‘one’ sense makes, that’s all.

Q: The difference between explanation and understanding is?

If you replaced “he” with “ she.” This story would almost verbatim describe the horrific relationship that I am just 3 weeks of No Contact into. I never in my life thought I could be a party to the fuckery that I have put myself through at the hands of the narcissistic bitch that reeled me in. The soulless cunt that I met, sought me out and played me like a fiddle until I started to figure out her web of lies. Like you describe in your story, I always felt that I was a good judge of character and that my “crap detector” worked at a high level. After this experience, it definitely is on high alert. Thank you for your excellent work.

He’s currently in a psychiatric hospital for opioid addiction…so there’s that. And of course it’s my fault he’s there.

How do you suggest victims handle the “leave and never look back” when you have kids? And custody issues?

Separating myself from past narcs, and refusing to play their psychotic games led me to my current relationship. We’re on the same journey – healing from narc abuse. Everyday I feel validated by the goals we set and insights we can share to keep moving forward.

Thanks for a great article.