It has taken all of my life to fully understand that what i endured at the hands of a narcissist and their mental illness was not my fault. I do not need to forgive myself for what abusers did to me- that belongs to them. I am learning that my anger is appropriate in proportion to the grief and gravity of loss. Nobody determines my healung journey or my needs. We are all too unique in trauma wounding to be dictating to anyone what is necessary in our recovery path. The most we can do is hold space for each other, commit to not doing further harm by messages of invalidation, or how best anyone’s healing achieved. ..The entity never to have been me in real time, has no authority on what i need.Only shared experience validates mine.Together, through shared victories and struggles,we find what best individually serves our own needs. This is the strongest healing I have found, the community of the survivor. And me personally, i will always be a victim of abuse. That’s just me. Still healing wounds, not scars. I have anger. At abusers. Finally, instead of just at myself…

Not Excusing simply means you aren’t letting it go untouched. You are acknowledging the hurt while forgiving it as well.

I totally agree.
Forgiving excuses them from all the bad things they were never held accountable for morally, and legally.
All the trauma I/we suffered and were affected by through life.

Jenny, I completely agree with you. I can with a lot of work forgive myself someday.

My FOO can’t be forgiven, as they all deny anything ever happened to me. So they can all just go to hell in my view.

I will be able to let go of the FACT that I was abused and letting it affect my present. But that is it. Nothing else. The only person that deserves and will get any love in that regard is me giving it to myself.

Micah