I understand how you feel.
Do you know, in your heart, she loves you? I ask, because, if not, I advise you to invest your fine qualities with a woman whom will appreciate you and your efforts, which you deserve.

You have done wonderful things, and admire your unwavering efforts.

At this point, I would make one last attempt, and the attempt will either make progress, or give you the feeling of complete closure, which you need. The action and words will be completely different from what you have said and done.

Think of it this way: when the front door of the house is locked, the back door is usually open.

You reference this as mental illness. Is it mental illness, or a psychological response to abuse/trauma?
Ask yourself, if she had not experienced this mistreatment, would she would behave differently?

BTW: Words never to use,
labeling: no trauma, no mental illness. Replace with seems you experienced something bad, and probably hurt you deeply.

If abuse/trauma related, the common denominator of abuse is CONTROL. You can only control yourself you see, you cannot make her talk about it. Did she set up boundaries that you followed?

You have done wonderful things, and admire unwavering efforts. She may not see it that way.

“CONSIDER” THIS:
Apologize to her. I never realized that my caring devotion to you could be seen as being disrespectful to you, and a request for information, could be seen as an attempt to control you and being disrespectful of your boundaries. I sincerely hope that you will forgive me, if its how I appeared to you. At NO POINT, was that my intention, and understand how you may see it that way.

I will not write you, or call you. I accept your choice and your decision.

I would like the opportunity for us to spend time together. Whatever you want me to know, I will patiently wait, in the hope you will tell me, and will accept your choice, if you never tell me, even though it will help us get to know each other better.

In fairness to me, if you do not want to ever receive any communication from me, whatsoever, and do not care for me the way I care for you, or think it is not ever possible, I would appreciate your telling me, even though it will sadden and disappoint me, but I will be grateful to you, for hearing it from you. If there is a reason, it would be even more appreciated. .

Have this note written, delivered with flowers, , requiring hand delivery, requesting she read the card in front of the deliverer.

Another option, is one question you never asked. In person.
Perhaps, after the flowers, within a few days.

If you choose this, and your choice!

i would leave a vm, tell her the reason for your call, with no disrespect to her wishes:
I would tell you are calling to see if she received the flower delivery and my note. I would reference enjoyment: did you, or I hope that you like them.

If she.’s on the phone, after asking, SAY NOTHING. NOTHING. Wait a long time HEAR WHAT SHE SAYS.
Regardless, say, ok I accept it, even if it is accepting her silence.

The other reason for my calling is to let her know, you are going to be in the area on a family matter, (with the family matter, being you). Give her the expected range of dates.

It would be nice to see you. I know that you are busy, and was hoping we could meet for coffee, brunch or lunch, at a cafe or restaurant you like, just to say hello, in person, if you feel comfortable, and without any serious conversation, unless you initiate it. You can pick the time and place.

If silence,

Is that something you would like?
If Silence.

Then what you say, is up to you, and you will know, how you feel and what you need to do for closure, and said, providing it is courteous and respectful to her.

This may be a time, you consider the opportunity to take control and give yourself the closure, she is refusing to provide you.

Please consider yourself and you know the risk that she may just get up from the table.

If this does not go well, i will tell you what I would have done, and I consider myself a thoughtful, kind compassionate woman. I would have closed the door, long ago, with my appreciation for your interest, i may have aded, I have no interest in ever having a relationship with anyone so you would not be personally offended.

If that doesn’t help, being mad at her for not doing so, may help you find a woman whom will appreciate your care, devotion and all else you have to offer. It is about you too.

Please consider these suggestions only.

,

It was a very difficult journey for me, but I knew something was wrong and it wasn’t his fault or my fault. There was only so much I could do. He had to hit bottom of some kind. What shocked me was that everyone in his family had mental health issues they were treated for, but he saw himself as an exception and didn’t think about the genetic factors. Denial was the biggest issue, and it’s common to have more than one mental health diagnosis. It’s all very complicated and steps to get help are not easy.

My partner (with whom I have always been long-distance) flat-out refused to discuss her mental health with me, saying that it made her “feel like an insect pinned to a board.” She also, now, passively refuses to engage with me at all no matter what the topic is. We have always been long-distance, so this takes the form of her not answering phone calls or emails. I asked her to tell me what kind of communication she wants, and how often; she hasn’t replied. I asked her to send me “read receipts” just so I knew that she had read my communication; she never did. For some instances I wrote out possible answers in an ABCD format and asked her to pick one; she never responded.

On those few occasions when she did respond to me, it was terse and impersonal. The last thing she has ever written to me was “I’ll send greetings as I may, okay?” That was approximately eight months ago. I’ve attempted to reach out to her two more times, with no acknowledgement.

I feel eviscerated. I don’t know if I should continue to show her “unconditional love” (and, if so, how to do it) until she finally actually strings words into a sentence for me, or if I should let myself believe that she has stopped loving me and give up trying to build any sort of relationship (romantic or platonic) at all.

My beloved vocally refused to discuss her mental health with me; she said that it made her “feel like an insect pinned to a board.”

She passively refuses to speak to me at all…we have always been long-distance, so this takes the form of her simply refusing to answer calls, emails, texts, etc. I have asked her what kind of communication she wants and how often she wants it; she has never told me (she said no phone calls or physical letters, but only as reactions to things I tried; she wasn’t proactive about it). I have asked her to just send me read receipts; she doesn’t. In certain instances I wrote out possible responses in an A, B, C, D format and asked her to chose one; she didn’t respond.

The last thing she wrote to me was “I’ll send greetings as I may.” This was about eight months ago. I’ve written to her twice since then; no reaction.

I don’t know whether to keep “showing unconditional love” and wait for her to come back, or to force myself to give up and let go. I love her with my whole heart and I don’t want to give her up to wallow in her suffering, but I don’t know what if anything else I can do, and if it’s better for her if I just…stop.