Comments on: Dissociation For Dummies

By: Jessica T

Jessica T — Fri, 26 Aug 2022 06:59:29 +0000

When I hit the wall 4 years ago, and finally talked to a therapist starting 1.5yr ago, I thought everyone did it. Not a huge thing. Just very similar to sitting under “Spock’s station” in the “bridge” of the Enterprise – rarely in the captain’s chair. As if I was in the head of a very large robot that looked like me. (except I have prosopagnosia and don’t know me) Only remembering the things I could see on the screen. No real emotions. Just the facts. I was usually busy doing something else – reading a book or such else while someone else piloted the robot.

It happened a different way recently: I was in church last week after having been sexually assaulted by one of the other men a few weeks prior (though I have only told my therapist and the pastor who it was while we work out the best way to handle it). I had views from 3 different locations simultaneously. One from my physical body – feeling the warmth of my husband’s arm around my shoulders and the coolness of the pew, one from a completely different pew where I was my mom self holding, rocking, and soothing my quite young self, and a third view from the roof looking down watching through invisible walls/ceilings where that other man was at all times – he was not sitting in his seat next to his wife who I am friends with and who just finished radiation for breast cancer.

By: Erin R. Burke

Erin R. Burke — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:28:10 +0000

In reply to Stephen. Thanks for sharing your experience, Michelle. It's a difficult topic but you write about it with so much vividness and grace. I love the gentle humor; it's good to be able to laugh at ourselves, isn't it? I'm so glad you have your writing and art to help you through this healing journey.

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 21:48:14 +0000

Thank you for being so candid. I have only had disassociation once. It was part of leaving an abusive relationship as an adult but brought back many childhood issues as well. I think it is common in grief as well with some of us, when we have a major loss. I will watch for your book!

By: Michelle Tasa

Michelle Tasa — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 17:16:21 +0000

In reply to Isil. I'm glad you can see the good experiences you have had and value them. Being grateful is one of my goals each day since the darkness can overwhelm us at times.

By: Michelle Tasa

Michelle Tasa — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 17:14:24 +0000

In reply to A Quinn. I'm so glad that the article helped. I feel the same way. When I see myself reflected in the writings of others, I feel less abnormal, less alone. Glad to be with you on the journey.

By: Michelle Tasa

Michelle Tasa — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 17:13:01 +0000

In reply to Kayla. It is hard for those who love us. I'm also focusing on my healing and I'll worry about helping them understand later. Stay strong!

By: Michelle Tasa

Michelle Tasa — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 17:11:37 +0000

In reply to Stephen. Thank you so much. We are all better together right?

By: A Quinn

A Quinn — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 05:07:55 +0000

I feel like I could have written this post. I believe I suffer from dissociative amnesia. I have a terrible memory, more so than most. I am almost 50. I run into people often that know me but I have no memory of them, nor having ever talked with them. I also have been accused of having said things that I don’t recall or my kids will show up for a visit that I don’t recall arranging. I also have memories or dreams? of floating as a kid. I can’t ever see what is below me but I have a feeling it was trauma. I had no memory of abuse until my 20’s when my brother came and apologized to me for abusing me when I was a kid over a period of 6 years. It wasn’t until 10 years later that those memories started to surface. I was able to fact check some of them with my brother. I still deal with emotional flashbacks which are worse than the memories. My days tend to blend into one another. Things feel surreal sometimes. I try not to look at the time because I don’t like knowing that time has passed and is unaccounted for. I don’t know if I will ever get used to that. I lose things all the time or will find things in disarray and no memory of how that happened. I don’t know if I want to know how much of my days are spent dissociated. I am attempting to go back to school but with a memory as bad as mine…who knows. My fingers AND toes are crossed…lol I was in therapy but I have an uncanny knack for finding therapist’s that have poor boundaries and end up causing more trauma…so I have dropped out of that and am trying to find other ways to cope and gain support. Articles like these help because they tell me I am not alone. It is an alienated feeling, at times. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of articles on what it’s like to dissociate. Most of the ones I find are on the extreme end of the spectrum with DID vs I feel like I am further down the line or somewhere in the middle, on the spectrum. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 15:25:30 +0000

I found out after completely melting down in Feb. 2020 that I have CPTSD from childhood sexual abuse and multiple other traumas throughout my life.

I was in a fugue state when I came completely broken to my therapist… CPTSD is no joke, and it’s a wonder what out minds do to protect us from the horrors we endured.

You are definitely not the only one who has mock conversations with “others” in their head. Most of my “others” are people from my real life, that I want to talk to about things, but don’t feel safe enough to actually do so.

Sometimes it feels so real that I actually think I’ve spoken with them… I’ve been called a liar because I said I spoke about a certain topic with someone, and then later two others involved realized and/or said I didn’t say anything about the topic.

😑 It’s crazy-making, because I can’t tell if they’re all just gaslighting the crap out of me, or if I really didn’t have a conversation about the topic, and it freaking sucks, because I love these people in my life.

In the meantime, I’m focusing on healing and will sort out the rest later.

By: Isil

Isil — Thu, 09 Sep 2021 20:05:51 +0000

I am also in my sixth decade. I was so effective at running from this horror, I did not acknowledge its existence until 6 months ago. I really don’t want to look at it in depth. I have heard stories. I don’t believe I will think of what happened and not feel terror, it happens every time. If I smell southern cooking I have to leave and go out of doors. It was only when I became ill and could run no more, that I had to even consider what had occurred. I am happy. My life is good. I feel fortunate. The doors are unlocked and open. I accept was has occurred. I hate no one I am aware of, I do not hold a grudge, I don’t want revenge, I don’t feel cheated, I am not bitter. I fought this thing my entire life, I feel done with the personal part. I’d like to be of help if I could.
I beg your pardon, I lost the main theme. Teachers (adult males) used to become so very, very, angry with me. When cornered and in unfortunate circumstances, as you know, fight or flight. Most commonly a lecture was received by a blank face. I would go. No memories were saved or lessons learned. Two teachers and a Vice Principal (quietly) challenged me to fight them physically. It was weird. I was seen by many as a bad kid, and sometimes I was. I was careful not to harm living things physically, unless they were male and as large, at least, as myself.