Hello.

I am a 36 year old man. I am currently on my way to become just like yourself. I am already bitter about Life. It has been quite an extraordinarily tough journey so far, just to stay alive. I cannot stand the sight of normal people, who besides, do not have what it takes to understand our situation. I would have been a Great Man, an innovative, athletic leader instead of talking to myself out loud in hospitals, like I do. This is insane. Life ruined; it is unequivocally true that my bright light that was shining inside of me, has dimmed. My will to live and conquer Life, and my ability to appreciate existence are seriously hindered.

Thank you for getting your problems and experience out in the open. Be aware that there are many trauma informed therapists (and focused, proven therapies) to help you out. Search CPTSD resources of PACESConnection.com for one near you. You can be better.

I too was sexually abused as a child and understand your pain. You are not alone. Shirley

Hi, have you heard of somatic therapy it’s not so mainstream and doctors no nothing about it. Also, Poly Vagal Theory by steven Porges and Nervous System Dysregulation.

Mike I am so sorry. However it is most valuable that you put your cry into words. First, you are still alive. Hooray! There are years left when you can unwind, enjoy and thrive. Therapy works. If Shirley is not available to help, there will be someone near you with the capacity to get you on your feet. Opening up and verbalizing the ball and chain you have been carrying around has already taken you down the right path and the road to recovery lies ahead. To as a doctor I see the very way you phrase your anguish means you are smart and have the resources to heal. Be brave. Seek help. Now is the time for life to get better!

Dear friend – Larry I am pleased that this discussion prompted you to open up and write about your circumstances. You are blessed to have your husband’s support. I am prompted to speak to you as a physician (40 years in family practice). You can take my advice/observations or just pass on them. Consider the following:
(1) Being able to specify your distress and its dynamics is a healthy start. This is more painful than repressing all thoughts of these adversities, but it is good progress toward liberation in my opinion. You are stronger than you think.
(2) Since this was a column about trauma and suicide, if are having thoughts of suicide call 988 today. Full stop.
(3) I do not know where you are located, but most towns and cities have low cost agencies that can provide support. They probably have waiting lists but look them up (try the United Way or 988) for names and get on some waiting lists.
(4) Self-help toward resilience, may be beneficial and you can find many resources on PACESConnection.com. Search the site and you will many techniques for strengthening your resolve and learn which kind of therapies you might want to search out.
(5) If you are still unemployed, get working again or develop some way to be out and expressive everyday, so you can be you and not just sitting around.

I am so sorry to hear your story. I hope you are able to find help. Have you considered applying for Medicaid in your state? Since you have a limited income, you may get help paying for your medical bills including a therapist. Some hospitals have programs to pay your medical bills. A local mental health center will offer a spend down. I encourage people to seek inpatient help because it is vital to list it as an option. I hope you feel better soon. Shirley