After the death of my husband his adult children whom I had been close with until near to his death. During his final days they stopped being of Any practical support and more or less closed ranks on me. I had been dealing with his cancer treatment and looking after him for months on my own. When they finally came they spent time with him but did nothing to support me . Two of them had just discovered magic mushroom and spent the time connecting with the universe and their Celtic roots while I remained doing the lions share if the practical work. By the time he passed I was exhausted and angry at their lack of thoughtlessness so there was tension. The summer after my husband’s death I had them and their children ,12 in all ,come and visit for almost a month. I thought it was a start at healing. Afterwards they went back to the states I heard nothing for months until the first anniversary of their dads death when the eldest texted to ask about the will. I send them a copy which stated that in Irish law everything is split 50-50and who ever dies first is sole owner of the assets unless otherwise stated.
After this they stopped speaking to me but not to my daughter which I appreciate but it puts her in a position which has created an avoidant situation.
I gifted them all of their fathers work last year. They came and I thought it was a step in the right direction as they were pleased to receive the the work but since then I’ve heard nothing except when one of them needed something else. The come and stay in my area and have ostracised me from the extended family. I’ve never discussed this with the other members of my husbands family but I can tell by their silence and party photos from social media that I have not been asked to that I am perceived to be the toxic party in all of this.
They fail to take into account that I along with their father had them every summer and at holidays for thirty years .
I know I must learn to live with this rejection but it’s so painful and hurtful it has undermined my confidence in my relationship with my late husband and left lots of uncertainty and sadness.
If I’m guilty of anything it’s having been there too much for others and not having boundaries in place for my own self care.
Slowly I am getting my life back and trying to look after myself. Some days are easier than others . They say in AA ‘don’t let them live rent free in your head’ I guess that’s what I’m hoping to achieve.
Glad I found this forum.