(I hate when people look at my body even women)

“I can’t believe you have mental health issues look how many [creepy old] men are staring at you! You just need a boyfriend”

“You’re a lovely girl you should be doing more things.. don’t dwell on mental health”

“It’s hard to imagine someone intelligent and well presented living in vulnerable adult housing. What are you doing here?!”

There’s a difference between compliments and straight up objectification, invalidation or whatever the right word is.. of someone and their struggles .. so I’m on the fence with this one. I’ve been practically retraumatized from the years I spent seeking help probably because of how high functioning I was sadly

This is the most apt description of how I feel when given a compliment. My mother, a narcissistic woman with a penchant for snark, never let a moment pass where I wasn’t inundated with all the ways I had wronged the world with my very existence. To find someone who can put this trauma into words was refreshing! Thank you for the post!

Your experience mirrors my own. I found it helpful to ask myself with curiosity, what am I reacting to? What do I think is going to happen? For me, it was the realization that my abusers had used positive comments in the past to trick or manipulate me prior to abuse. Your parts play an important function in keeping you safe, so maybe just appreciating them for doing their job and asking them why they need to protect you would help. I found, that with some effort, I could work through my initial triggered response, and get to the point of receiving the compliment from those I trust. Its still a work in progress for me and you might hear me say, I’m working on receiving that compliment from you. I take a moment to process being present and imagine myself swallowing that sweet treat. I wish you the best on your journey.

I’ve been trying to make space for compliments, because they are a huge part of what can combat my inner critic. I’ve had to purposely stop myself from reacting and respond instead with “thank you for saying that.” I refer to it as being a robot trying to learn human.

I’ve been doing parts work and my therapist shared that some of my protectors may have an amnesia element to them. It amazes me that I just can’t hold compliments. They bounce off before I can remember what was said.

The more I reframe the easier it gets. I look forward to the day that I can overcome my inner critic and have my nervous system accept that people are being sincere.