Comments on: Going No Contact? Here’s the Letter You Need to Write

By: Sheila

Sheila — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 04:17:58 +0000

Shelley; My experience is analogous to yours. I was a single mom and did my best raising 2 kids. Their father did everything possible to undermine me and to turn the kids against me, and by and large he seems to have succeeded. My son stopped contact with me for about 2 years. My daughter has stopped contact with me and is still in that phase, but in all honesty, though I will admit I was far from a perfect parent, it is her Dad who was the real jerk. I know that some of us cannot see our own flaws and failings but I am quite sure at this point I’ve got this right. And, wouldn’t you know, I came across this post precisely because now it is me at the age of nearly 58, who needs to — hopefully correctly — enter a no-contact phase with my own parents, and brother. I was the scapegoat child. And I am recovering from a rather seriously disabling illness. Blessings to all of you on this journey; may we all claim our power and heal fully.

By: Shelley Renee Armato

Shelley Renee Armato — Mon, 30 Dec 2024 17:41:22 +0000

The week before I received “the letter,” my son asked my husband to adopt him. He is 32 years old, we had a fun life, many trips, many laughs. Then my son married a wanna be counselor.
Every time we were together she was taking notes, I was too loud, chewed with my mouth open? Laughed at myself, and fought for my children.
The letter came, email. I was blindsided, I am that mom that you can talk to, the mom that stood at in the rain if my kids needed me to.
I was also a single mom, the father walked out when my son was 3, never to return, withheld child support, tried to punish me with my children.
I feel like he sent the letter to the wrong parent. I am on standby, he just had a new baby, he is a great man, kind, compassionate and loving. If he could have only talked to me, he also removed himself from my mothers life and my husband.

By: Kylee Kennedy

Kylee Kennedy — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 23:34:14 +0000

Thank you for this. I have been in a horrible whirlwind of abuse and conflict about that abuse since I was nine years old. This helps. He went to prison in November of last year. It’s been a long 10 months. Full of confusion and figuring out how I feel outside of his manipulation.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Fri, 21 Jun 2024 20:59:49 +0000

In reply to Robin. Robin, it's nice to see comments from someone over 60. I'm 62 and my And my abusive mother is 82 and in failing heath. My father passed 9 years ago, before I realized the abuse I had endured my entire life. Your comments were reassuring to me. I have been low contact since my dad passed. But I even moved out of state, with my husband staying in our home so he could be close to his elderly mom. My abuser threw a fit when I moved, got a fabulous job (I had always been a sahm), and an apartment. My husband had been on this journey every step of the way supporting me. I'm Mother's Day, I went no contact. My only issue is that my identical twin doesn't get it. She moved away years ago and was the golden child. She is now my abusers flying monkey. It breaks my heart that I might have to go no contact with her, but I will. She and I live in the same town and work at the same school. Life is so messy. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story.

By: Robin

Robin — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 21:29:24 +0000

This is superb! I am 66 years old and my mother is 93 and in failing health, although her strength seems undiminished when it comes to devaluing and punishing me. I have gone Low Contact for many years, but after the last exchange I realize that for my own sanity I need to go No Contact. I’ve had lots of therapy so I’m in a pretty good place, and I’ve long let go of the idea of writing a goodbye letter, for all the good reasons you mention. Reading the response by the abuser, however, is something I’ve never encountered in my therapy and it is BRILLIANT. It makes things so clear and is so satisfying to read.

I especially like, “I will never stop manipulating you. You are wise to get away.” The truth of that really hit me, and it is so validating. And it’s about the kindest thing my narcissistic mother could have ever said, if she’d ever had the insight. I feel so much more calm, as thought I’ve just experienced that little bit of extra certainty. It feels remarkably healing. Thank you, Jaime.

By: shar clark

shar clark — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 20:06:34 +0000

I am an LCSW and work with clients for trauma healing and life building through ptsd, and I need to let you know I have never seen the second part of this exercise. I think it is incredibly healing! thank you for sharing it. I have already discussed writing the “what you deserve” letter with two people today. I cannot thank you enough.

By: Nadine Marie

Nadine Marie — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 04:30:00 +0000

Thank you for this affirming article.

I went no contact with my siblings in 2007 and with my mother in 2010. My father had passed in 2009 from whom I had been estranged 15 years prior.

I never regretted going no contact, but one lingering question is whether I should have written them – my mother, at least. I have told myself that if I did write her, my siblings would have even blamed me for our mother’s deteriorating health, especially the heart attacks, which eventually led to her demise.

With this article, I received my closure and am now so much more at peace knowing that, thankfully, I had been Divinely guided and did the right thing — of not writing them a “goodbye letter.” I now understand that the pull to write was still a trauma bond response. Thank you very much & much blessings to you!🙏🌟💜