Comments on: Gift Giving Gone Wrong: Narcissists and Gift Giving

By: Tanya Horsfall

Tanya Horsfall — Wed, 04 Jun 2025 07:43:37 +0000

My NPD and HPD mother was terrible at gifts, but the worst with me. She would buy me clothing that she liked (overly sexual, rhinestones etc.) and perfume every Christmas knowing for over 20 years I don’t wear it and am allergic. Family would exchange uncomfortable looks with each other seeing how incredibly inappropriate gifts would be for me right after I would open one.

The last year before I refused to spend holidays with her as she always would bait me and ruin them, she would not drop if I liked the perfume. “Thanks mum.” Then “Very thoughtful and kind.” I thought she might let up then. How about the scent? I smelled the box. It’s lovely I said. She insisted I open it and try it on. She succeeded making me do this the previous year and I had a huge allergy attack. Even after showering I was pretty sick and it ruined Christmas for me.

“Sorry mum. If I open it I can’t regift it. It’s unfortunate you never give gift receipts as I’ve requested in the past so I can get something I actually like and can use. You give me perfume every year for Christmas and sometimes as my birthday present even though you know I’m violently allergic and have known this for over twenty years.”

Felt great to finally say it, but also gave her the ammunition to be the victim of a cruel and unappreciative daughter for the rest of the day, ruining another Christmas for everyone.

By: Halle

Halle — Thu, 08 Aug 2024 13:10:45 +0000

In reply to Sophie ann.

Oh my goodness-my step mother did this for approximately 15 years…every year…bought me items while telling me it’s what her daughter’s like…do you wear xxx? Do you use xxx? So, I answered honestly, “I’m grateful of xxx but I prefer xxxx or xxxx. I don’t use xxxx but I do like xxxxx”
Reply, “Oh…well (daughter) really likes these ones.”
Replay this scenario on repeat until last year I said, “I wondered if (daughter) would like these instead as I don’t really use them and so I think it’ll make more sense for her to have them.”

So…after 15+ years of this cycle…I’m an ungrateful narc…

By: Nancy Lucas

Nancy Lucas — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 07:48:50 +0000

On our 15th anniversary, I bought my husband and I matching watches as a gift. Not high-end but thoughtful and matching our lifestyle (Victorinox, Swiss Army). A few days later he asked if it was ok to return it as it wasn’t really his style. And he did. Gone never to be mentioned again. There were numerous gifts he received from myself and others that were returned, never worn, ignored. He would buy himself things while shopping for Xmas. It hurt but I took it all in stride. He left 2 years later for someone he hired. I got a token gift that Xmas – a FITBIT – a passive aggressive hint at my weight. I wore neither the watch nor the Fitbit. We are now divorced.

By: Rebekah Brown

Rebekah Brown — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 08:08:00 +0000

Dear Sophie Ann,
You are so right. Covert narcissists do damage on purpose. They take the opportunity of the holidays, gift giving, anything they can to cause suffering and harm to their victims. Thank you so much for your comments.

By: Rebekah Brown

Rebekah Brown — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 08:06:16 +0000

In reply to Madelon Wise. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story as well. I hope you come to even more places of peace and healing. It is certainly a very difficult journey.

By: Sophie ann

Sophie ann — Wed, 21 Dec 2022 12:41:59 +0000

I hear you and I am so sorry you went through this situation with your bride to be friend. Very difficult. I have regifted gifts and choose, like you did, the gift and who it’s destined to be from the heart whether new or not.

I also want to add that covert passive aggressive narcissists can choose gifts that they know full well would not suit the recipient or the would not like, or having same gift as before (having discussed and mentioned previously). My ex CPAN would do this and be downright heartbroken and miserable if I didn’t 100% appreciate everything he gave me implying I was ungrateful and unkind at not being happy with my gift.
This was the same with surprises and other behaviours that he did without discussing. He played victim and blamed me for being so difficult and I was never satisfied. This was categorically not true yet I was left feeling dreadful and guilty and the doom bringer to occasions that were meant to bring joy. So I feel this also needs to be mentioned on this subject too. Victimhood, gaslighting, covert passive aggressive narcissism can be subtle, manipulative and cruel to those with cptsd and trauma. (Or anyone to be fair – but he chose me)!

By: Madelon Wise

Madelon Wise — Mon, 19 Dec 2022 20:23:38 +0000

Oh my gosh. That’s a story. I am so sorry that your “friend” was not kind.

I had a psychopathic stepmother (For real, an evil stepmother), and Christmas was simply a nightmare. The screaming, the threats, the shaming. One year she simply gave me nothing (I was 12) because I wasn’t good enough. Other years, the presents were inappropriate (meant for a much younger child or just butt ugly) and always accompanied by threats.

I still have to reach deep inside me to be able to stand celebrating with my family. I have four grandchildren, so I can’t really blow the whole thing off like I would like to. I try really hard to show them the love but this will never be a happy time of year for me.