Brilliant*
When I pity myself, my inner child is crying for attention. I can’t expect others to mother me. (Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Just that I can’t substitute one relationship for the other. )
THIS^^^

Sorry, I should be logged in, but this is Mari (author) and I wanted to say THANK YOU for this observation.
Bang on.

Having been on several forums for people with various chronic issues, it’s refreshing to see someone offer some kind of framework in advance of this problem. An ounce of prevention v. a pound of cure, no?

That said, I think forum rules enforcement, moderator training, and self-awareness to self-pity, are steps for individuals in any role.

Self-pity is something like a failure of self-love, I think. When I pity myself, my inner child is crying for attention. I can’t expect others to mother me. (Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Just that I can’t substitute one relationship for the other. )

Somehow I have to become aware of my power to mother myself. Who else knows me well enough?

Being a good keeper of my dovecote and my hunting hawks means I can’t automatically respond with my default bird. I have to gauge what I’m looking at. (I’m not perfect at this, either.)

That said, I would suggest we remember that the drive to drama is not the only reason for the dynamic. It becomes the reason when the offender will neither learn, nor leave.