I can so relate to that desperate struggle to get rid of the pain. I’ve tried everything … most recently a dip into Soto Zen meditation (like everything else, it came with benefits and drawbacks; it was not a cure!). I’m with you all the way down to the paragraphs about the Healed CPTSD club. I hesitate to promise total and permanent healing to anyone with CPTSD because after 40 years of dealing with severe trauma, I still experience moments of deep pain and grief. Don’t get me wrong: my life is way better now than it used to be, and there are much longer periods of equilibrium between the pain. I just want to offer understanding and compassion to those who don’t feel “healed” and may well carry pockets of pain all the way through life–with acceptance and dignity.