Comments on: Codependency & Trauma — The Scapegoat Unmasked

By: Jamie

Jamie — Wed, 07 Jan 2026 01:23:09 +0000

My severely disordered and abusive narcissistic personality disordered (adoptive!) mother died recently and left me and my children out of her will. My (adopted) sister took everything including the role of abuser. I left my “family” 6 years ago, so I was very much on my way to healing, created a life of simplicity and care for myself. I wasn’t so surprised to be disinherited, and although the money would have helped me in old age and took pressure off of my children to care for me, it was the language of the trust and the selfish behavior of my sister who took on the narcissistic mantle that came as a shock. This shock put me into a death spiral emotionally as if all the abuse came pouring back into my life. Flashbacks and crying fits, memories of being a battered infant were all too much. I researched the phenomenon of scapegoats being disinherited or significantly diminished is commonplace with up to 90% of family scapegoats suffering this abuse even after the abuser dies ! ! I am already in my 60’s. I feel I deserve a quiet, safe life with peace at the center. I see that I still need healing and right now I am so resentful that my whole life was completely ruined by that vicious human being that was my mother. I would give anything except my sanity never to have been put in her hands.

By: Kieran A

Kieran A — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 11:51:31 +0000

In reply to Robin Taylor.

I read your post and it touched my soul. It was only when I managed to walk away from my N-family did I realise the enormity of what has happened, after a lot of introspection and depression I saw the whole picture, the whole picture which begins with my birth, I was born into a dysfunctional family who I now see were drilling holes in my boat from the start, and my boat includes my self and self worth.

I could write books on all this but I will leave it there, as I say your post has stuck with me.

I saw a quote the other day which I liked : the dream is shattered, but pick up the pieces and build a mosaic…

By: Robin Taylor

Robin Taylor — Fri, 12 Sep 2025 11:33:37 +0000

In reply to Stephanie. Yes ,,,,surreal existence is a great way to put it.I dont think many people in society could even begin to grasp the tormented anguish a scapegoated child, as an adult goes through on a daily basis.Only in the last few years has more information become available for scapegoats to even begin to understand what happened to them, can only recently via the internet have access to understanding the dynamics within a family system, what is going on in the mind of a narcassist and the enabler.Only after loads of therapy did I begin piecing tiny fragments of ny shattered self together and The narcassistic language was only something I came across in the last 3 years , a long time after therapy.Its very difficult to have therapy with someone who really understands what being a Scapeoat really is .I find "Jay Reid" very insightful , being a recovering scapegoat himself.I hit 50 last year and my internal life literally collapsed.Im working through the relisation of the utter devastation my life is.Like Im only just grasping the enormity of the affects upon my entire life .I realise I deeply dislike teaching , which is what I trained to become without knowing who on earth I was and what I really liked .Its like I have wasted my entire life desperately surviving without ever really knowing what or who I am.I am broke, live in a basement room, not married , no kids no job full to the brim with hoplesness and it is all just so unfair and unjust.I always thought the universe might compensate me somehow but no, I am simply a product of abuse and have been a prisoner of it all my life.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 04:03:16 +0000

I was the family scapegoat, and unfortunately am the scapegoat in my 30 year marriage. I finally figured it out and have gone no contact with my family and working toward leaving my husband after a traumatic incident occurred at a familt event. I am scared to be alone, yet I also know that I have been alone the whole time anyway! Such a surreal existence.

By: Monica Deym

Monica Deym — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 19:38:04 +0000

Beautifully written. This.

By: Jennifer Kindera

Jennifer Kindera — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 17:51:11 +0000

In reply to Christine Lamb.

Hi Christine! I’m so glad you found the article helpful! Being the scapegoat is no joke, it’s so hard to navigate, and I resonate with what you said about your little one. I’m sorry that we share experiences like this!

And, of course you find it hard to trust others, no one ever modelled for you what that looks like or was trustworthy, giving you a foundation of it’s safer to not trust. This would only happen if the parent/caregiver co-regulated with you, and obviously when we are conditioned to be the scapegoat, that’s not happening. 🙁

You are right, you aren’t alone. Hoping you have super support in your world today, for navigating these waters. Sending love and light to you.

By: Christine Lamb

Christine Lamb — Tue, 05 Dec 2023 20:42:40 +0000

Thank you for this article! I deeply resonated with what you spoke of, particularly being the scapegoat in my family, and constantly being ridiculed and devalued. The little person inside of me still always expects people to see me as a nuisance and of no value. Even when someone is nice to me, I can’t help but think there’s something behind it, that they only want to get something from me, and that’s why they’re being nice. Honestly, nothing and no one feels safe to me in this world. I realize this is due to my trauma, but merely realizing that doesn’t help all that much! I am still left feeling dysregulated most of the time, and just generally suspicious of people’s motives.
It is helpful to read articles such as this, because I know I’m not alone (even though it feels that way a lot of the time).

By: Jack

Jack — Tue, 05 Dec 2023 15:12:54 +0000

Thank you, Jennifer. I’m so sorry you were the Scapegoat. I was, too. It’s so hard being hated, and then internalizing the hatred.

I have made a lot of progress in the last few years. It’s learning to live, not just exist. I long to be free.

I send you love as my Sister in the tribe of Scapegoats.