Comments on: “Was It Even Abuse?” Unpacking Psychological Abuse

By: Nikki

Nikki — Sat, 19 Oct 2024 10:53:30 +0000

It took me 5 years to recognize I was being abused. Then the discard phase. Now I can’t get out. I have zero friends or family, no one to turn to for support at all. My mental health hances declined so severely that I lost my job, I’ve been living in my house without running water for 7 years, and I have panic attacks if I have to leave my property or go out in public because every time I leave he hides video recording devices around my house so I’m always being watched, and he goes through all my personal belongings looking for anything he can twist into a made-up accusation to use as ammo next time I step out of line. I have tried making him leave, because I have absolutely no money, and nowhere safe to go, and the result of having him arrested for the physical violence was him making it his mission in life to cause me the most mental, emotional, and psychological pain possible. He knows I have nowhere to go and that having a safe place to sleep at night is #1 for my ability to feel safe. This is the first house that no one can take from me or kick me out of. So he promised me that if he can’t live here, he’ll burn my house down and make sure I have no place safe to live either. I have learned over the last 10 years that the only truth that comes out of his mouth is his promise of vengeance and his commitment to causing me so much psychological anguish that I will regret having ever even considered trying to make him leave my house. I am bankrupt, I have zero income and I’m not employable in my current mental state. My physical health has changed dramatically and I have lost control of my bladder function. I am beyond hopeless. I am completely alone and everyone I reach out to for support either believe he’s the victim and I’m crazy, or re-traumatizes me and makes it even harder for me to find a reason to keep fighting to keep going every day. Honestly, my dog is the only reason I get out of bed each day. I need help… If I don’t find a way out of this, it’s going to kill me. I have been trying to find a way out for 6 years. This is killing me. I am dependent on Medicaid for access to mental health services, and the only providers that I can physically access severely increased my trauma symptoms and have no knowledge of psychological abuse or the trauma it can cause. The only 2 professionals in my area hate their job and primarily deal only with people who are court ordered to be in counseling. I am desperate to the point of tears while I type this. I have $6 left to my name, and my dog will run out of food soon. She is my entire world and I feel like the worst person in the world when she suffers because I’m so mentally shattered that I can’t function anymore. I need help, and I have nowhere to turn.

By: Natalie Rose

Natalie Rose — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 23:36:55 +0000

In reply to Jadw. You are welcome! I am so glad to hear that it was helpful for you. ♡

By: Jadw

Jadw — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 16:30:47 +0000

Thank you Natalie. Incredibly validating and appreciated.

By: Natalie Rose

Natalie Rose — Fri, 20 Sep 2024 10:56:36 +0000

In reply to Marg. Marg, I am so glad to hear that my writing and backstory have been a blessing to you!! I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through, but I am glad that this article could help you feel less alone. I wish you the absolute best on your journey as well. Stay strong! ♡

By: Natalie Rose

Natalie Rose — Fri, 20 Sep 2024 10:54:07 +0000

In reply to Ann Widner. Hi Ann! Thank you so much for your very sweet and kind comment. It made me so happy to know that my story is inspiring you and making you feel less alone. It sounds like we have had similar experiences in the medical system. I am glad you found a somatic experiencing therapist. I agree — it is a long and slow process, but putting in the work to understand our bodily symptoms and get to the root of things is how we will actually heal beyond just “putting a band-aid” on the symptoms. You are much older than me (I am in my mid-20s), and I am so sorry that these resources were not available to you at a younger age so you could make progress quicker. This is why I am grateful the CPTSD Foundation has given me an opportunity to be a guest writer… I am able to reach people of all ages around the world. I don’t claim to be fully healed or any sort of expert in these areas, but I got to a point where I felt ready to share my story by simply writing from my heart. I have no professional writing experience beyond my grade school courses, but I think most survivors just want to see another person being vulnerable and honest so they feel less alone, so I don’t worry too much about being perfect. I will say that writing has been very healing for me. Even if you don’t share anything publicly, I would recommend just writing things out with a pen and paper each day. Just whatever is in your head, even if it doesn’t make sense. I typically do it before bedtime every night, sometimes going up to two hours of writing. And day by day, I started to more deeply understand the things I had been through and be able to put them into words that made sense to me. And just getting the words out in general is extremely healing. I also believe you have a strong voice and are 100% capable of returning to the freedom you had in childhood. Stay strong, and I hope to see you on future posts of mine!! ♡

By: Marg

Marg — Tue, 17 Sep 2024 14:55:53 +0000

Your article and backstory was so helpful and validating for me. An emotional and psychological abuser re-emerged recently throwing my self into chaos and I am struggling. Just reading your words brought some needed order to my experience. Thank you! Your sharing and writing skills are a blessing. Keep on sharing and most of all, keep on living back into You and your Life!
Awesome!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Sep 2024 14:53:45 +0000

By: Ann Widner

Ann Widner — Tue, 17 Sep 2024 14:47:38 +0000

Thank you! Your story made me cry because I experienced similar abuse. I’ve been taking meds for depression, anxiety, panic disorder, etc. etc. since I was 15 and was in CBT for too many years (mostly dissociating during my appointments) and then was in DBT for five years. My body started “falling apart” 15 years ago, tests, surgeries, gaslighting physicians, and I ended up worse off. I’ve been seeing a somatic experiencing therapist for two years. It is a slow, slow process. I still sometimes blame myself for all the world’s problems and think I should not have existed in the first place. I was relieved a few years ago to learn about complex trauma. I’m 55 and I wish complex trauma and the ways to heal were known about when I was young. It’s not too late for me. I’m not broken. I have a voice. I am having some hours of peace and contentment on some days. So I’m healing. I wish a lot more people understood psychological abuse and complex trauma. Life would be easier. I’m glad you are where you’re at, and I’m glad I am too. You’re so right. It takes a lifetime to heal. I am glad now that I still exist, so I can grow and heal and maybe be the beautiful, joyful, carefree spirit I was as a little kid. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Thank you!!!