Comments on: How Secondary Abuse Rears Its Ugly Head When Survivors Speak Up

By: Donna

Donna — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 19:12:36 +0000

Oh my gosh, I could have written this!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 23 Nov 2024 03:06:26 +0000

This really struck home with me. For decades I tried to get some validation from others about my narcissistic, toxic mother. I was shut down with the usual: “Oh, mothers and daughters have issues.”; “Are you sure it was like that?”, “Maybe you are exaggerating it. It probably wasn’t that bad”, etc. It was not until my brother had one-on-one contact with our mother that he finally got it. By this time I’d gone no contact and moved out of state. Away from my mother and the people who just couldn’t see the truth of the situation, I got better. Now, when I speak of my experience and people begin to minimize it, I ask, “Did you and your mother get along?” When they reply, “Yes,” I know to stop talking. They will never understand. I appreciate your telling your story. It helps so much to hear someone who “gets” it. Thank you!

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 21 Nov 2024 13:12:45 +0000

Thank you so much for posting this. I am estranged from my sister due to this and never heard it called secondary abuse before. This really helps me to put in to perspective a few encounters I have had with people when I speak up about my childhood and why I am the way I am or I can say more accurately now, was the way I was.