By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 03 Sep 2026 12:29:13 +0000

Ellen, Thank youn for writing on this subject. During the 40+ years I have worked on the knotty issue that is the CPTS in my life.
I encountered some of the platitude-quoting people you described. Since the perpetrator in my life was my biological mother, I got: “Well, mothers and daughters don’t always get along.” “Are you sure it was that bad? You were young and may not remember.” “Are you sure you’re not exaggerating?” When I heard someone say those things I ask, “How was your relationship with your mother?” And invariably they tell me they got along and/or were close. That’s when I look at them and as I think ‘Stop talking. They don’t get it.” I change the subject.
People who spout platitudes and are toxically positive have no idea what my life is like and don’t know what else to say when confronted with something they can not understand. Why would I make up the prisoner of war lifestyle I lived? I longed to have a mother who could be there emotionally, be kind and compassionate, supportive, love unconditionally as I saw other mothers be for their children.
I’ve worked long and hard on myself. At the ripe old age of 73, while not striving for that level of “positivity” in which all is rainbows, smiley faces and clear sunny days, I go with being able to be grateful I have the courage to go grocery shopping, talk to people and be kind. When someone tells me of their horrific childhood I tell them I cannot imagine it, but am glad they are here, walking, talking and trying. I avoid the toxically positive and go for a life in which some days will be bad and some will be good and they are all ok. The perpetrator in my life has finally departed this life. I have a long way to go but am determined to do as much as I can to not only help me but anyone who has “been there.”

Comments on: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” and Other Stupid Crap People Tell Trauma Survivors

By: Rachel