It has taken me 43 years to be able to have the strength to write the words I did get out below, it ends abruptly because I could not go any further at that moment, however, I like each of you, am still healing from trauma. I will continue to dig deep and work on a more complete story. It is part of my healing process so just wanted to share it with each of you. You are not alone, I am facing it too. The struggle, the negative voices and forgiving those that I never received an apology from because I am enough, I am loved, I am still here and I am trying every single day to be better and do better.

Little Girl Within 

It was time to feel it all

Knowing the journey had been ignored far too long

The pit of her stomach-wrenching in angst

Shallow breaths increased

Heart racing

Hands shaking

Her body remembering

In an effort to soothe the anxiety

She focused on her breathing

The pace and depth

The rise and fall of her chest

Inhaling deeply

Slow purposeful release

A mantra melody replaying in her mind

“You are alright right now”

“You are safe in this space”

“Breathe in positivity, exhale negativity”

After a few minutes, a calmness washed over her

Heart, soul, and body

Almost a therapeutic cleansing

It was so intense her eyes welled up with tears

Tears of strength

A mindful release

Her hands now steady

Fingers aggressively tapping on the keys

Aiding in her determination to write the words she couldn’t speak

This time she would dig down deep instead of running

She had paid the price for far too long and would no longer allow that evilness to steal her sanity

She had already escaped death, countless times, so this was possible in her mind

Beloved little girl within you are safe now and stronger than you think

I will protect you just as you have hidden away the memories to shield me

Please tell me what you have seen

Let me help you speak the misery

Shackled to the trauma lost in me

I am ready to remember

It’s my turn to bear the burden of our childhood tragedy

Sifting through the scattered and mangled pieces of reality