Penny Payton | CPTSDfoundation.org

How to Stop Living by Default and Build Emotional Self-Awareness

Penny Payton — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 09:15:41 +0000

Why is no one talking about our lack of emotional training?

Even as trauma moves into the forefront, there is still a long way to go when it comes to informing others, especially those who don’t take trauma into consideration at all. Unfortunately, the lifestyle that many Americans have learned to consider normal can easily lead to debilitating anxiety, depression, and shutdown, which also, mistakenly normalizes trauma. At the root of all these issues is a core component, a lack of even a basic understanding of how to manage ourselves emotionally.

We often step into adult lives that are so singularly focused on financial success that we have to force ourselves to consider the concept of work/life balance. We can easily become so focused on that vision of external success that self-care is mistaken for expensive, high-maintenance routines. I was one of these people; I had become driven to distraction and avoidance for decades by a life lived by default. In fact, I was so focused externally that I nearly lost my life, and barely noticed.

With a hemoglobin count of five, I was told that without getting a transfusion if I went home to sleep I would not wake up again, and I could barely keep my eyes open as it was. My organs were shut down one by one. So, I was given two units of blood, with no instruction. How could they know I lacked the common sense of basic self-care? There I went, right back to work.

It wasn’t until complications from that experience had finally caused the loss of my job and had left me with no other options that I started looking closer at my actions. Even then I had zero idea I had any form of trauma at all. It was only when I began hypnotherapy that I understood how much generations of childhood trauma had affected both myself and my son.

During our first meeting, an introduction, not even an appointment, I went deep into my subconscious and saw myself as a very small child of three or four years old. I was eating a stuffed avocado. After a short bit of time, the therapist asked what I was experiencing next, and I got very agitated while telling him I was having seconds. When he asked if I had wanted seconds, I burst into tears. My voice quivered as I told him no and when he asked why I was having it I completely fell apart. My answer was “because the little girl will disappear”.

Hypnotherapy is like that; you get to see and experience the experiences you had as a child but can see it through the lens of an adult. From that meeting, I was able to put all the pieces together of how neglected and isolated I’d been as a young girl and why food was the replacement for basically every type of emotional connection I lacked at home.
After all the research I’ve done I’m certain that everyone has experiences from childhood that affect them in some way that could be examined and changed. Everyone. Trauma affects everyone, both personally and in each of their relationships.

I’ve dedicated over a decade toward researching trauma and what I’ve learned is that almost no one has been taught how to understand how emotions work; and even worse, how to properly manage their own. I also found that it was extremely difficult to get into the problem-solving work of trauma without that solid emotional foundation of understanding. It’s for this reason that I’ve not dedicated myself to providing resources to build a steady emotional foundation. Because when we are taught to ignore ourselves emotionally, we learn to prioritize the needs of others before our own needs.

My latest creation is a step-by-step guide to managing emotions, building a solid foundation, and doing trauma-informed work. It’s called Unpacking Emotional Baggage: The Journal. It’s a journey to emotional wellness.

Please feel free to visit unpackingemotionalbaggage.com for more info. The Amazon link is there, it will soon also be available to order at Barnes and Noble and your local bookstore.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Penny Payton

Penny Payton is a certified energy leadership coach, childhood trauma researcher, and emotional self-awareness advocate and speaker. She has authored two books on the importance of unpacking emotional baggage. She has created a third which is in journal format. It’s a step-by-step guide on building a solid emotional foundation to processing and release trauma. Before, she spent over thirty years in corporate America until a near-death experience changed her life.

Emotional Wellness and Understanding the Effects of Conditioning

Penny Payton — Tue, 06 Sep 2022 09:55:36 +0000

As I mentioned in the previous post, I had lived over a half-century, clueless in my own understanding of how emotions worked. In fact, I was absolutely unaware that I was clueless. My life looked like the freaking American Dream. I’d had amazing experiences that would be at the top of most bucket lists. Except, in being honest with myself, something had always felt a little off, and being even more honest, I was very unhappy. And as I said it was as if God actually stepped in and pulled me out of that life for good. I had what could be described as a Kensho experience. It seems you can only stay off track in life for so long.

First I had lost so much blood I nearly died, which forced me to take time away from work. And when I returned I was told my assistant needed to be fired that day. I had no energy to double my workload. I thought back at how I’d gotten two units of blood and immediately gone right back to work. I hadn’t taken this threat to my health seriously, but now I was being given no choice but to do so. I had given twenty-seven years to my employer and I felt total betrayal at that moment. I was in shock; it was intensely painful, and I was angry. After having built an award-winning reputation, when no job offers came in I lost my identity. And this was when I learned how little I knew about emotional wellness.

Had I known what I do now, things would have been so different; instead, I was reacting out of past conditioning. Just as we learn to hide and ignore our feelings when we are told to, we also receive many, often subtle messages about how our behavior should be. And our underdeveloped minds as children create stories and limiting beliefs because of the messaging of others. This is a major key to how we live our lives as adults and something that’s not spoken of nearly enough.

I’ll give you an example of one I uncovered. Even though I hadn’t felt unworthy, I was treating myself as if I were. I think it was being camouflaged by the fact that I had been quite successful. I had to ask myself how I’d let myself get so run down, to begin with; and then why hadn’t I taken time for myself once it was so clear. Had God not intervened to remove my assistant, I would likely still be there.

As I did my work, digging up old wounds, I found many that revolved around the treatment I’d received from my father. Examples of when my needs were not met and things I’d wanted had been denied. Without any clear explanation, my mind created a story that I was personally unworthy of. Looking back, it is perfectly understandable why my life took the direction it did in so many ways. The combination of having no emotional training along with the conditioning sent me on a path I hadn’t chosen, was not prepared for and like a boat without oars, I had been floating along.

In coaching with clients and even just chatting with friends, I’ve yet to find a personal issue that hasn’t tied directly back to something that happened in childhood. Conditioning and limiting beliefs are so important.

This blog originally appeared on https://unpackingemotionalbaggage.com/

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Penny Payton

Understanding Emotional Wellness

Penny Payton — Tue, 30 Aug 2022 09:11:01 +0000

When I first started this journey back on Easter of 2012, I had no idea where it would lead me. Somehow it seemed as if I was being led away from a life that had not been right for me and shoved onto an entirely new path. Now almost eight years later I can see why and it seems that I’ve finally landed on a style of coaching that can be helpful to anyone at any time, emotional wellness. If there is one topic of conversation that could use a giant shove forward, I think it would be that of emotional wellness. This post doesn’t need to include a list of current events that are screaming, quite loudly for help. It would make sense that an introduction to emotional wellness would begin simply with emotions.

As I began to do my own personal growth work it became clear that I was very lost when it came to this subject. And now that I’ve done extensive coaching with a varied and wide range of clients, I’m seeing that this may be closer to being the norm for many if not most of us. In fact, I had to take a long hard look at my own parenting and what I had contributed to the pattern by neglecting my son’s emotional wellness, and what that now reflects on his adult life.

Somehow along our evolutionary path, learning about emotions seems to have subtly transformed into a belief that no learning was required, instead, it became assumed that we should instinctively know how to navigate our feelings. But as things have become more convenient, they have also become more complicated. The natural training through the examples of family and friends has not kept up with the changes and with each generation, as we move faster, it’s quite possible emotional intelligence is slowing down. Learning how to identify, understand, process, release, and regulate our emotions should not be considered something that comes to us naturally like our need for air, water, and food. The result is several generations who are staggeringly under-prepared for adulthood and we are seeing that this is truly disastrous.

We desperately need something that will take the fear away from the topic of emotional wellness, as so many of us have been conditioned to ignore what we are feeling. One thing that could have a large-scale impact is to differentiate between emotional wellness and mental wellness, which could be tough considering how much money there is to be made in pharmaceuticals. However, having the ability to pinpoint the difference could have a huge impact on things like addiction, depression, and anxiety. From my own personal experience, I was able to break a lifelong food addiction by understanding my own emotions and doing the work I needed to process and release those long trapped; secondly, I stumbled upon mindfulness once all that old baggage had been cleared.

Thank you for reading this first post in a series. I look forward to hearing feedback and am excited to write further on this topic.

This blog originally appeared on https://unpackingemotionalbaggage.com/

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Penny Payton