What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?

Being an ally means more than expressing support—it means actively standing with and advocating for LGBTQ+ individuals in a way that uplifts, protects, and respects their identities. In the context of therapy and mental health, allyship also means creating affirming spaces where people of all gender identities and sexual orientations feel welcomed and understood.

Mental Health Disparities in the LGBTQ+ Community

LGBTQ+ individuals face significantly higher rates of mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidality. According to The Trevor Project, 41% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year. These aren’t just statistics—they’re reflections of the real-world pain that stems from marginalization, bullying, family rejection, and lack of access to affirming care.

Being an ally can help disrupt these harmful patterns.

Why Allyship Matters in Therapy

Therapists hold a unique responsibility—and opportunity—to foster trust and safety. For LGBTQ+ clients, a validating therapist can be life-changing. Affirming care can reduce mental health risks, increase self-acceptance, and build resilience. On the flip side, experiences with non-affirming professionals can retraumatize clients or push them away from seeking care altogether.

This means being an ally in therapy isn’t just “nice to have”—it’s necessary.

Here are a few ways allyship shows up in therapeutic settings:

• Using inclusive language and asking for (and respecting) pronouns.
• Educating ourselves continuously about LGBTQ+ issues, terminology, and lived experiences.
• Challenging biases, both our own and those present in systems or structures that affect our clients.
• Creating a safe and welcoming physical space, including visible signs of support like inclusive literature, Pride symbols, or nondiscrimination policies.

How Everyone Can Be an Ally

Allyship isn’t only for therapists or mental health professionals. Friends, family, coworkers, and community members all have a role to play. Here are some simple but powerful actions:

• Listen without judgment and believe people when they share their identity with you.
• Speak up against anti-LGBTQ+ comments, jokes, or policies—even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Support LGBTQ+ rights through advocacy, education, and voting.
• Celebrate LGBTQ+ joy, not just struggle.

A Commitment to Inclusive Care

At Brickel and Associates, we are committed to providing inclusive, trauma-informed care for LGBTQ+ individuals and families. Whether you’re seeking support as an individual, a couple, or a parent navigating questions around identity, you are welcome here. Our team continues to learn, grow, and advocate—because allyship is not a destination. It’s an ongoing practice rooted in compassion, humility, and action.

We see you. We support you. And we’re honored to walk with you.

If you’re looking for affirming therapy or would like to learn more about our approach to inclusive care, reach out to our team. We’re here to help.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

Therapy can be life-changing — especially when it’s set up with intention, structure, and the right support. For trauma survivors in particular, creating the right conditions for healing is essential.

Recently, we shared how therapy works. Now let’s explore how to make therapy work for you — by setting it up for success from the start.

Trauma recovery isn’t linear. Progress and success depend on creating a foundation that supports safety, trust, and consistency.  For trauma survivors, the therapeutic relationship, environment, and approach are just as important as the content of each appointment.

Here are five key ways to set yourself up for success in therapy:

1. Choose a Trauma-Informed Therapist Who Is Licensed in Your State

Not all therapists are trained in or work with trauma-specific care. Even if you’re not sure whether trauma plays a role in your story, working with a trauma-informed therapist ensures your care is grounded in safety, compassion, and a deep understanding of the mind-body connection.

A trauma-informed therapist brings more than just empathy and support. They provide:

• Emotional safety and trustworthiness
• Transparency and empowerment
• Curiosity and collaboration
• Cultural, historical, and gender awareness
• Knowledge of trauma’s impact on both body and mind

As Janina Fisher, PhD, beautifully puts it:

“We now understand that trauma’s imprint is both psychological and somatic: long after the events are over, the body and mind continue to respond as if danger were ever present. We hold what happened as a ‘living legacy’ of emotional and body memories that keep the trauma alive for decades. My professional mission has been to bring this understanding of trauma to both clients and their therapists as a psychotherapist, consultant, and trainer of clinicians looking for answers to helping their traumatized clients. I believe the key to healing is not knowing what happened but transforming how our younger selves still remember it. When we accept the child we once were and welcome them into our minds and hearts, we can finally heal.”

A therapist’s education, training, and experience matter. Here’s more on how to find the right therapist for you.

2. Make Sure Your Therapist Is Willing to Coordinate Care

You deserve collaborative, whole-person care from your therapist. That means working with a therapist who understands the interconnectedness of body, mind, and relationships — and is open to collaborating with your other healthcare providers to ensure you are getting comprehensive care.

At our practice, this systems-based approach is central to how we work. As a therapist trained in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT), I view every individual as part of multiple systems — social, familial, and internal — all of which affect well-being.

When all your providers are on the same page, you benefit from more integrated, consistent, and effective care.

3. Choose In-Person Therapy If You Can

Virtual therapy can be convenient and necessary in some cases, and for many trauma survivors, in-person therapy offers important advantages:

• Non-verbal cues are more easily seen and addressed
• Nervous system regulation is often more effective in person
• Distractions are reduced
• Dissociation may be less necessary
• The physical therapy space provides a contained and grounded environment where you can build safety with the provider, and develop healthy boundaries as self-care and the boundaries in relationships that are so important to healing and growth. Having a scheduled time and a dedicated physical space — the therapist’s office — makes this easier.

Here’s more about why we prefer and value in-person therapy.

4. Start with weekly sessions.

While frequency can vary, it must be dependent upon need. Starting with weekly therapy creates the consistency — a predictable rhythm for building the safety, trust, and rapport that are the foundation for healing trauma. Especially for trauma survivors, structure and repetition help build safety and stabilize the nervous system, while establishing the therapeutic bond.

At Brickel & Associates, we encourage weekly care to start to:

• Build the relationship, developing rapport and structure
• Evaluate therapeutic fit
• Develop a sense of relational safety
• Coordinate care
• Co-create a treatment plan

We aren’t the only ones who prefer weekly therapy. This outcome-based study shows that weekly therapy leads to faster progress and a greater likelihood of achieving recovery and healing.

More frequent therapy is needed sometimes.

Some clients benefit from more frequent sessions, such as twice-weekly—especially if they are:

• In acute emotional pain or distress
• Living with a complex trauma or PTSD history
• Needing more intensity around relationship building for safety and stability
• Struggling to make progress – feel stuck
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Facing a particularly difficult life transition
• Entering a deeper processing phase of therapy – requiring more help holding emotions and regulating the nervous system

This higher frequency can support deeper work, faster stabilization, and reduce overwhelm during emotionally intense periods. It’s most important for you to feel safe!

The therapeutic relationship isn’t just about regular attendance; it’s also about building trust, understanding, and collaboration. Over time, as the therapeutic connection solidifies, the frequency of care may naturally shift. This transition is something you and your therapist can decide on together, based on your needs and goals. This typically occurs when you’ve made significant progress and are ready for a less frequent schedule. Consistent open dialogue with a therapist during each session is paramount.

5. Understand that the therapeutic relationship takes time to build.

Therapy is not just about talking. It’s about safety, healing, and connection — especially for trauma survivors who may have experienced harmful or boundaryless important relationships in the past.

A healthy therapeutic relationship provides a new experience of being seen, heard, and valued in a safe, consistent space. It helps you:

• Build awareness and curiosity of your internal world
• Understand and uphold your boundaries
• Explore emotions without judgment
• Develop a sense of trust in yourself and others

The therapist-client relationship is built intentionally, through consistency, mutual respect, and collaboration, knowing that a gradual deepening of trust will occur over time.

Therapy is not a quick fix. It’s a powerful, personal process — and one that can lead to deep, lasting change when built on a foundation of safety, relationship, and shared intention.

If you’re a trauma survivor, your healing journey will be nonlinear — and that’s okay. With the right support, structure, and care, therapy can help you create meaningful change.

Set therapy up for success by choosing the right provider, showing up consistently, and honoring the pace and process of your own healing. You deserve a safe space to grow, and a therapist who walks alongside you with compassion, knowledge, and respect.

If you’re seeking a trauma therapist in the Alexandria, VA area, consider reaching out to us.   Brickel and Associates has over 25 years of experience and a commitment to trauma-informed care. We are dedicated to supporting clients in their healing journey.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

At Brickel & Associates, LLC, we take a trauma-informed, inclusive, and nonjudgmental approach to these challenges. We affirm your full humanity—and that includes your emotional responses, your lived experiences, and even your uncertainty. You don’t have to minimize your beliefs to keep the peace, and you don’t have to cut relationships that feel complicated. Therapy can help you make sense of the conflict and chart your own compassionate, values-aligned path forward.

1. Honor Your Feelings—They’re Valid

When someone you care about holds views that feel harmful or dismissive, the emotional response can be intense. It may bring up grief, anger, anxiety, or past trauma. These reactions aren’t “overreactions”—they’re rooted in real-life experience, and they’re deeply human.

If you’re someone who has experienced marginalization or trauma, those political disagreements can feel like emotional re-wounding. If you’re not sure what you believe or feel caught in the middle of polarized views, that uncertainty deserves just as much care and compassion.

It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or even betrayed. When political differences touch on fundamental parts of your identity or safety, it’s not “just a difference of opinion”—it can feel personal, because it is.

You’re allowed to grieve the gap between who you hoped someone was and who they reveal themselves to be. Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to process these emotions without being told to “just agree to disagree.”

In therapy, there’s no pressure to take sides or defend your position. There’s simply space to feel and process without judgment.

2. Clarify and Honor Your Boundaries

Boundaries are not about cutting people off or being “unforgiving”—they’re about staying safe, grounded, and emotionally intact. A trauma-informed lens helps you notice where your nervous system feels overwhelmed, where communication becomes unsafe, and what kind of interaction is tolerable for you.

Ask yourself:

• What conversations leave me feeling dysregulated or unsafe?
• When do I feel myself shutting down or dissociating?
• What kinds of limits help me stay present, connected, and regulated?

It’s okay to say, “I can’t talk about that with you right now.” It’s okay to take space. And it’s okay to change your mind about how you want to relate to someone.

Boundaries are a way of staying in integrity with yourself—even if others don’t understand.

Boundaries are an act of self-trust and nervous system care.

3. Reconnect with What Grounds You and Honor Your Values

Therapy can help you explore your values with curiosity, not judgment—so you can reconnect with your own truth, not someone else’s expectations.

When the people around you question or challenge your values—or when you’re unsure what your values even are—it can feel destabilizing. Grounding doesn’t mean being certain or rigid. It means reconnecting with what feels most true for you in this moment, even if that’s still evolving.

Consider asking yourself:

• What do I know what matters to me?
• What does justice, compassion, or equality mean to me?
• When have I felt most aligned with my values?
• How do my beliefs connect to my lived experience?
• Who helps me feel safe, curious, or supported when I explore difficult topics?

When others question or reject your values, it can shake your sense of stability. Grounding yourself in what you believe, and why, can be a powerful form of resilience.

You don’t need to convince everyone else to agree with you to feel valid or safe in your truth. Community, activism, art, and therapy can all be ways to reaffirm what matters most to you.

4. Decide What Kind of Connection Is Possible—For Now

Some relationships can survive political differences—especially when there’s a foundation of mutual respect, open-mindedness, and emotional safety. Others may need to shift, pause, or end. A trauma-informed approach understands that both can be acts of healing.

If connection still feels possible, it may help to:

• Focus on shared experiences, goals, or values
• Agree on respectful communication rules
• Prioritize curiosity, not conversion
• Practice empathy without abandoning your own truth

If connection feels harmful or retraumatizing, it’s okay to step back. Sometimes love and distance go hand in hand.

5. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Whether you’re grieving the loss of closeness with a loved one, uncertain about your beliefs, overwhelmed by political tension, or triggered by past experiences—you deserve support.

At Brickel & Associates, LLC, we walk with you—not to fix or persuade you, but to support your emotional well-being with care, compassion, and curiosity. We’re LGBTQ+ affirming, pro-choice, and committed to trauma-informed therapy for everyone—including those who feel unsure, conflicted, or caught in the middle.

You are welcome here.

Your feelings are real. Your healing matters. And your story deserves to be held with care.

Let us help you stay connected to yourself—even when the world feels divided.

Your values matter. Your identity matters. And your emotional well-being matters.

We’re here to support you—especially when the world feels divided.
You deserve a space where your truth is seen, respected, and held with care.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

What perspective are you viewing life through today?

This is a discussion point I often have with my clients—and one I encourage you to sit with as you read. As a therapist who specializes in working with individuals who have experienced complex trauma, I am continually humbled by the strength, resilience, and profound insight trauma survivors bring to their lives and relationships. Their perspectives are not only shaped by what they’ve endured, but also by what they’ve overcome, how they’ve coped, and what they’ve learned along the way.

Survivors of trauma—especially those who have engaged in healing work already—see the world in layered, textured, and deeply meaningful ways. The very nature of trauma can fracture a person’s sense of safety, identity, and trust. Healing brings integration. Survivors hold a powerful duality: fear and courage, vulnerability and strength, heartbreak and hope.

The Survivor’s Dual Lens

Trauma survivors who have walked through the pain and emerged—perhaps scarred, also still standing—carry a perspective that says: “Things feel scary – they were very scary – AND I have survived terrible things before.”

That’s a different kind of strength. It’s not about denying fear or pretending things are okay when they’re not. It’s about acknowledging the fear and remembering that you’ve made it through dark times before. You’ve felt the bottom drop out—and you’ve clawed your way back to solid ground. You are safe today.

Survivors often live with the leftover residue of their trauma. They live with hypervigilance. Their nervous systems are finely attuned to danger—sometimes too attuned. And alongside this heightened awareness can be an inner knowing: “I know how to survive.”

This lived wisdom makes the current triggers and threats feel more manageable, because it’s not their first time navigating uncertainty. This doesn’t mean it’s easy. It does mean there’s a kind of internal compass that trauma survivors begin to trust over time.

And as healing progresses, something else begins to emerge: Curiosity. Compassion. A sense of safety. These are hard-won states of being that don’t come overnight—but they are deeply meaningful when they arrive.

Living Within (and Outside of) Your Window of Tolerance

As trauma survivors move through life, their experiences often fall inside or outside what we in the trauma therapy world call the “window of tolerance.” This is the zone where a person can function and process emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shut down. Inside the window, you’re able to think clearly, stay present, and feel connected to yourself and others.

When you’re pushed outside of that window—by a trigger, stressor, or memory—you might find yourself either:

• Hyperaroused (anxious, panicky, reactive, flooded), or
• Hypoaroused (numb, disconnected, shut down, or frozen).

Many trauma survivors have a narrower window of tolerance due to chronic or complex trauma. Part of the healing journey is recognizing when you’re outside your window—and learning skills to widen it over time.

When survivors say things like “I feel overwhelmed,” “I can’t think straight,” or “I’m just going through the motions,”—these can be signs that they’ve been pushed beyond that emotional window. And yet, with support, the window can expand. With time, the capacity to tolerate emotional intensity, to stay present in relationships, and to face challenges without becoming dysregulated can grow.

When the Sky Feels Like It’s Falling

On the other end of the spectrum are those moments—or even entire seasons—when objectively you may be safe today and yet trauma feels fresh, overwhelming, and raw. Perhaps you’re just beginning to uncover old wounds. Or maybe current life events have stirred up pain you didn’t realize was buried deep inside.

In those moments, the perspective might feel like: “The world is dangerous. The sky is falling. I’m not okay.”

This isn’t a failure—it’s part of the human experience. In fact, this is often how trauma announces itself. Through panic. Through disorientation. Through waves of feeling that feel “too big,” too much, or completely out of proportion. You might be confused by your own responses—or you might notice that others are.

You’re not overreacting. You’re having a trauma response. This is what it looks like when the body remembers what the mind has worked hard to forget. Maybe you had a coping strategy or survival skill that helped you function for years. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, that strategy stops working. The buried feelings surface. The wind gets knocked out of you. And suddenly, you’re left reeling.

This too is a part of the trauma survivor’s journey.

The Space Between: Where Healing Lives

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It unfolds in layers, often over time. And one of the clearest signs of healing is that your perspective begins to shift.

Maybe you start out with a belief like: “I don’t trust anybody but myself.” Then, gradually as your window of tolerance widens, you begin to allow in safe people, safe moments, and even safe emotions which then softens your perspective to: “I don’t trust most people, but there are a few who care about me.”  Eventually, you might arrive at: “Many people are doing the best they can, and I can choose who I trust” or“I can navigate uncertainty and still feel connected.” Each shift represents not just a change in belief, but an expansion of your nervous system’s capacity to stay present and regulated.

That’s growth. That’s resilience in action. That’s trauma-informed healing.

Trauma doesn’t just teach you about pain. In the experiences of awful, you somehow made it out! There is no silver lining for trauma – you did NOT deserve that pain! That said, the process of moving forward from trauma teaches you about boundaries, discernment, empathy, and what it means to rebuild. It offers you a unique and often profound lens on the world—one that is deeply rooted in survival, and also rich with insight.

All Perspectives Are Valid

There is no one “correct” trauma response. Sometimes, survivors feel like everything is F.I.N.E—almost numb, dissociated, or overly functioning. Sometimes, it’s the opposite: everything feels dangerous, and nothing feels okay. And sometimes, survivors have healed enough to hold safety and growth along with the fears or the pain.

“I can be scared AND I can be safe.”
“I can feel vulnerable AND know I’m strong.”
“I can struggle AND still be healing.”

The human nervous system is capable of tremendous adaptability. What you feel today is not necessarily what you’ll feel forever. Even if things feel unbearable right now, perspective is not static. It evolves.

The Strength of Survivors

If you are a trauma survivor, I want you to hear this: your perspective matters. It holds wisdom. It holds truth. It reflects not just what happened to you, but also how you responded, how you protected yourself, and how you’ve begun to move forward.

You are not broken. You are responding in exactly the way your body and brain were wired to respond to overwhelming experiences. That response helped you survive. And now, you have the capacity to grow.

It takes immense courage to face trauma. It takes even more courage to begin healing from it. And with healing comes a change in perspective—an ability to hold complexity, to sit with ambiguity, to love despite loss, and to trust again, even after betrayal.

What’s Your Perspective Today?

I’ll return to the discussion point I began with: What perspective are you viewing life through today? You don’t need to have a perfect answer, as you will never have one; there isn’t one. The goal is not to “fix” you or your perspective. The goal is to understand you and your perspective, hold with compassion, and allow shifts in your perspective as you heal.

Trauma may have shaped your view of the world—and so has your strength, your resilience, your insight, your capacity to love, and your will to keep going.

So, wherever you are in your journey—numb or overwhelmed, fiercely independent or cautiously hopeful—your perspective is valid. And it’s part of the story you’re still writing.

You are a survivor. And that perspective is nothing short of incredible. I would be happy to know you!

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

What perspective are you viewing life through today?

This is a discussion point I often have with my clients—and one I encourage you to sit with as you read. As a therapist who specializes in working with individuals who have experienced complex trauma, I am continually humbled by the strength, resilience, and profound insight trauma survivors bring to their lives and relationships. Their perspectives are not only shaped by what they’ve endured, but also by what they’ve overcome, how they’ve coped, and what they’ve learned along the way.

Survivors of trauma—especially those who have engaged in healing work already—see the world in layered, textured, and deeply meaningful ways. The very nature of trauma can fracture a person’s sense of safety, identity, and trust. Healing brings integration. Survivors hold a powerful duality: fear and courage, vulnerability and strength, heartbreak and hope.

The Survivor’s Dual Lens

Trauma survivors who have walked through the pain and emerged—perhaps scarred, also still standing—carry a perspective that says: “Things feel scary – they were very scary – AND I have survived terrible things before.”

That’s a different kind of strength. It’s not about denying fear or pretending things are okay when they’re not. It’s about acknowledging the fear and remembering that you’ve made it through dark times before. You’ve felt the bottom drop out—and you’ve clawed your way back to solid ground. You are safe today.

Survivors often live with the leftover residue of their trauma. They live with hypervigilance. Their nervous systems are finely attuned to danger—sometimes too attuned. And alongside this heightened awareness can be an inner knowing: “I know how to survive.”

This lived wisdom makes the current triggers and threats feel more manageable, because it’s not their first time navigating uncertainty. This doesn’t mean it’s easy. It does mean there’s a kind of internal compass that trauma survivors begin to trust over time.

And as healing progresses, something else begins to emerge: Curiosity. Compassion. A sense of safety. These are hard-won states of being that don’t come overnight—but they are deeply meaningful when they arrive.

Living Within (and Outside of) Your Window of Tolerance

As trauma survivors move through life, their experiences often fall inside or outside what we in the trauma therapy world call the “window of tolerance.” This is the zone where a person can function and process emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shut down. Inside the window, you’re able to think clearly, stay present, and feel connected to yourself and others.

When you’re pushed outside of that window—by a trigger, stressor, or memory—you might find yourself either:

• Hyperaroused (anxious, panicky, reactive, flooded), or
• Hypoaroused (numb, disconnected, shut down, or frozen).

Many trauma survivors have a narrower window of tolerance due to chronic or complex trauma. Part of the healing journey is recognizing when you’re outside your window—and learning skills to widen it over time.

When survivors say things like “I feel overwhelmed,” “I can’t think straight,” or “I’m just going through the motions,”—these can be signs that they’ve been pushed beyond that emotional window. And yet, with support, the window can expand. With time, the capacity to tolerate emotional intensity, to stay present in relationships, and to face challenges without becoming dysregulated can grow.

When the Sky Feels Like It’s Falling

On the other end of the spectrum are those moments—or even entire seasons—when objectively you may be safe today and yet – trauma feels fresh, overwhelming, and raw. Perhaps you’re just beginning to uncover old wounds. Or maybe current life events have stirred up pain you didn’t realize was buried deep inside.

In those moments, the perspective might feel like: “The world is dangerous. The sky is falling. I’m not okay.”

This isn’t a failure—it’s part of the human experience. In fact, this is often how trauma announces itself. Through panic. Through disorientation. Through waves of feeling that feel “too big,” too much, or completely out of proportion. You might be confused by your own responses—or you might notice that others are.

You’re not overreacting. You’re having a trauma response. This is what it looks like when the body remembers what the mind has worked hard to forget. Maybe you had a coping strategy or survival skill that helped you function for years. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, that strategy stops working. The buried feelings surface. The wind gets knocked out of you. And suddenly, you’re left reeling.

This too is a part of the trauma survivor’s journey.

The Space Between: Where Healing Lives

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It unfolds in layers, often over time. And one of the clearest signs of healing is that your perspective begins to shift.

Maybe you start out with a belief like: “I don’t trust anybody but myself.” Then, gradually as your window of tolerance widens, you begin to allow in safe people, safe moments, and even safe emotions, which then softens your perspective to: “I don’t trust most people, but there are a few who care about me.”  Eventually, you might arrive at: “Many people are doing the best they can, and I can choose who I trust,” or“I can navigate uncertainty and still feel connected.” Each shift represents not just a change in belief, but an expansion of your nervous system’s capacity to stay present and regulated.

That’s growth. That’s resilience in action. That’s trauma-informed healing.

Trauma doesn’t just teach you about pain. In the experiences of awful, you somehow made it out! There is no silver lining for trauma – you did NOT deserve that pain! That said, the process of moving forward from trauma teaches you about boundaries, discernment, empathy, and what it means to rebuild. It offers you a unique and often profound lens on the world—one that is deeply rooted in survival, and also rich with insight.

All Perspectives Are Valid

There is no one “correct” trauma response. Sometimes, survivors feel like everything is F.I.N.E.—almost numb, dissociated, or overly functioning. Sometimes, it’s the opposite: everything feels dangerous, and nothing feels okay. And sometimes, survivors have healed enough to hold safety and growth along with the fears or the pain.

“I can be scared AND I can be safe.”
“I can feel vulnerable AND know I’m strong.”
“I can struggle AND still be healing.”

The human nervous system is capable of tremendous adaptability. What you feel today is not necessarily what you’ll feel forever. Even if things feel unbearable right now, perspective is not static. It evolves.

The Strength of Survivors

If you are a trauma survivor, I want you to hear this: your perspective matters. It holds wisdom. It holds truth. It reflects not just what happened to you, but also how you responded, how you protected yourself, and how you’ve begun to move forward.

You are not broken. You are responding in exactly the way your body and brain were wired to respond to overwhelming experiences. That response helped you survive. And now, you have the capacity to grow.

It takes immense courage to face trauma. It takes even more courage to begin healing from it. And with healing comes a change in perspective—an ability to hold complexity, to sit with ambiguity, to love despite loss, and to trust again, even after betrayal.

What’s Your Perspective Today?

I’ll return to the discussion point I began with: What perspective are you viewing life through today? You don’t need to have a perfect answer, as you will never have one; there isn’t one. The goal is not to “fix” you or your perspective. The goal is to understand you and your perspective, hold with compassion, and allow shifts in your perspective as you heal.

Trauma may have shaped your view of the world—and so has your strength, your resilience, your insight, your capacity to love, and your will to keep going.

So, wherever you are in your journey—numb or overwhelmed, fiercely independent or cautiously hopeful—your perspective is valid. And it’s part of the story you’re still writing.

You are a survivor. And that perspective is nothing short of incredible. I would be happy to know you!

Photo by Stephanie Greene on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

By Robyn Brickel, MA, LMFT

In a world increasingly shaped by artificial intelligence (AI), it’s not surprising that AI is beginning to find its way into mental health spaces. From chatbots offering “empathetic” conversations and companionship to apps that track mood, generate coping tools, or even simulate therapy sessions, it can feel like a quiet revolution—faster, cheaper, and always available.

This promise is misleading. The truth is, AI can’t be your therapist. And if you’re someone healing from trauma, the distinction is even more important.

Therapy—real, relational, trauma-informed therapy—is not just information or even a service you receive. It’s an experience you have. It’s a relationship you build. It’s a process rooted in safety, trust, co-regulation, and attunement. And those things require a human nervous system.

Let’s explore why AI may be a tool—but can never be a therapist.

1. Therapy Is a Human Relationship—Not Just a Conversation

At its core, therapy is not merely about exchanging words or receiving advice. It is a deeply relational process rooted in healing through connection. Especially in trauma-informed therapy, the relationship between therapist and client is not just the medium of change—it is the change.

For many people, trauma happens in the context of relationships: neglect, abuse, betrayal, abandonment, or invalidation by those who were supposed to offer care and protection. These early wounds shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how safe (or unsafe) we feel in the world. When trauma is relational, healing must be relational too.

Therapy offers something that AI simply cannot replicate: the chance for an emotionally corrective relationship. This means having a consistent, attuned, compassionate human being who shows up for you, week after week—not to fix you, but to be with you in your pain, to reflect your inherent worth, and to create a safe space where you can begin to experience connection differently.

Through this reparative relationship, clients often begin to trust again—not only in the therapist but, more importantly, in themselves. Learning, perhaps for the first time, that your emotions are not too much. Your emotions make sense. That your boundaries matter. That rupture can be repaired. That being vulnerable does not always lead to being hurt.

This kind of healing happens not through advice or quick fixes, but through presence. A trauma-informed therapist is trained to notice the subtle shifts in your nervous system—when you shut down, when you dissociate, when your guard goes up. They respond not only with words, but with pacing, tone, silence, and embodied safety. They honor your story and go at your pace, knowing that trust is earned, not assumed.

AI, no matter how advanced, can’t attune to your body. It doesn’t feel the energy in the room. It doesn’t notice the micro-movements that show as trauma responses—the pause before you speak, the tightening in your shoulders, the shallow breathing, the tears you don’t yet feel safe enough to cry. It can mimic language, but it cannot co-regulate. And without that co-regulation—without a real nervous system meeting yours—there is no true healing of relational trauma.

Therapy is not a transaction; it’s a relationship. And healing relationships require human presence, attunement, and care.

2. AI Doesn’t Understand Context, Culture, or Nervous Systems

Trauma is complex. It lives not only in memories but in bodies, nervous systems, relationships, and cultures. The path toward healing is never linear, always requires safety, and it often involves surfacing painful memories, navigating dissociation, understanding attachment wounds, and working with shame, grief, or anger.

AI processes data. It can analyze patterns in text or predict emotional tone based on your words. But it doesn’t understand why you froze when your boss raised their voice, or why you dissociate every time you enter a hospital. It doesn’t grasp the cultural, historical, or interpersonal contexts that shape your experiences.

AI doesn’t have access to your nervous system. It doesn’t recognize somatic cues – or work Bottom-Up. It can’t ask you to notice what part of you is coming up, to respond. And it certainly doesn’t understand the weight of intergenerational trauma, systemic oppression, cultural disconnection, or grief that has no language.

A trauma-informed therapist brings both clinical knowledge and a compassionate curiosity about your unique story. They know that symptoms are not just “problems to fix”, but adaptations—survival strategies born of intelligence, pain, or protection. They work with you to explore not just what happened, but how it shaped you, and what healing might look like in your body and relationships today.

AI simply cannot do this kind of meaning-making.

3. AI Cannot Hold Ethical Responsibility or True Safety

When you work with a licensed therapist, you’re entering into a protected space. Therapists are bound by ethics, licensing boards, confidentiality laws, and professional standards. They are trained to manage risk, respond to disclosures of harm, and refer you to appropriate services when needed.

If an AI gives harmful advice—or fails to recognize a mental health crisis—there is no recourse. There’s no accountability. There is no one calling 911 to help you because you matter. And often, no clarity about where your data is going, how it’s being used, or who owns it.

Even worse, many AI-powered “therapy” tools are created by tech companies, not clinicians. Their primary goal may not be your well-being, but data collection, engagement metrics, or profit.

This can put vulnerable users at serious risk, especially those navigating suicidal thoughts, self-harm, or complex trauma.

4. AI Can Reinforce Isolation, Not Connection

Trauma is isolating by nature. It tells us that we are too much, or not enough. That no one will understand. That connection is dangerous. Many people who carry trauma have learned to survive by turning inward, withdrawing, or numbing.

Healing from trauma often begins with risking a relationship—with letting someone in. A therapist’s role isn’t just to offer tools or insight. It’s to build safety, and only then can we together gently disrupt the belief that you are alone – that you must do this all by yourself.

While AI may feel safer at first—predictable, nonjudgmental, always “on”—it can also reinforce patterns of isolation. It may allow you to process thoughts, but it cannot meet your need for being-with. It doesn’t offer a felt sense of connection, or the courage that comes from being vulnerably seen and the safety of being warmly received by another human being.

In trauma-informed care, we often say: what’s hurt in a relationship must be healed in a relationship. No machine can offer that kind of repair.

5. Healing Isn’t an Algorithm. It’s a Process.

Tech companies like to say they can “optimize” therapy. That they can personalize it with enough data, or that the right algorithm can match you with the perfect tool or intervention.

But healing isn’t a formula. It’s messy, non-linear, and deeply personal. What soothes one person might trigger another. What works one week might feel impossible the next. The nervous system doesn’t heal on a schedule. Grief doesn’t resolve with a checklist. Trauma doesn’t unwind through a sequence of pre-programmed responses.

A trauma-informed therapist knows how to pace healing. They track your nervous system. They hold space when you’re ready, and they back off when you’re not. They offer containment when things feel overwhelming. They support integration—not just insight.

More importantly, they respect that healing is not about “fixing” you. It’s about learning how to be and feel safe.  It’s about healing wounds. Reconnecting with the wisdom in your body. Learning how to be with yourself and all your parts, in a more compassionate, less fragmented way.

AI doesn’t know how to do that. It can mimic care, but it doesn’t care. It can process your words, but it doesn’t hold space for or witness you. It can’t celebrate your courage, or sit with your grief, or reflect the truth – that you are worthy of healing.

When AI Can Be Helpful

This isn’t to say AI tools can have no place in mental health care. Used ethically and with clear boundaries, they can be supportive adjuncts—not replacements. For example:

• Mood tracking or journaling apps can help you notice patterns.
• AI-powered reminders might nudge you to take breaks or practice grounding exercises.
• Chatbots can sometimes offer a form of interaction in moments of loneliness.

And these tools are best used in partnership with human care—not instead of it.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Human Support

If you are struggling, if you’re holding pain that hasn’t been fully seen, if you’re looking to heal from trauma—know this: you are not too much. And you are not alone.

You deserve more than programmed empathy. More than automated advice. You deserve to sit with someone who can hold your story, not just analyze it. Someone who can attune to your nervous system, not just your text. Someone who can walk beside you as you learn to feel safe in your body, in your relationships, and in the world again.

AI can be clever, efficient, even comforting in some ways. But it cannot offer you what a real therapist can: the healing power of a safe, compassionate, human relationship.

And that’s what you deserve.

Looking for trauma-informed support? Our practice offers warm, human-centered therapy for individuals, couples, and families navigating the complexities of trauma, grief, anxiety, and relational healing. Reach out—we’re here to walk with you.

Photo by Andras Vas on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

The scaffolding that supports both therapists and their clients must extend throughout a career

Providing trauma-informed and trauma-focused care is not a static skillset. It requires ongoing learning, humility, and reflective practice. While clinical supervision is a mandated component for licensure, the professional and ethical responsibility to seek guidance does not end once a therapist becomes licensed. The scaffolding that supports both therapists and their clients must extend throughout a career.

One of the most effective ways to strengthen that scaffolding is through clinical consultation. Far more than an optional professional activity, consultation is an essential element of sustained growth, ethical decision-making, and high-quality client care. It offers therapists a reliable place for connection, safety, and reflection—while also modeling the very principles we aim to provide in therapy.

Supervision vs. Consultation: Distinct and Complementary

Many clients (and even some therapists) wonder: if supervision is required during training, why does consultation matter afterward?

Clinical Supervision – Required
In Virginia, as in most states, residents in counseling, marriage and family therapy, or other therapeutic degrees must complete a structured supervisory process before they may practice independently. During clinical supervision, a Virginia Board–Approved Supervisor (a licensed therapist with at least two years of post-licensure clinical experience and specialized training in supervision) helps residents integrate theory into practice, document hours, and develop the competencies that safeguard clients and set the foundation for a long career.

Clinical Supervision has a formal written contract with defined goals, required documentation, regular evaluation, and Board reporting. It supports the resident’s skill development, ethical practice, and confidence as a therapist-in-training, to safeguard the public, cultivate professional competence, and prepare them for independent practice. Clinical Supervisors take on this role to support newer therapists in building their experience in providing trauma therapy, guided by ethical judgment, clinical skills, and a strong professional identity.

Clinical Consultation – Optional and Vital 

Clinical consultation is for already-licensed therapists who want to deepen their skills, process complex cases, or learn new modalities. Not mandated by licensing boards, it is a voluntary, collegial process for licensed clinicians seeking advanced growth.

Clinical consultation is a growth-focused approach. It’s a collaborative space. Therapists bring questions, ethical dilemmas, and clinical puzzles to a supportive, nonjudgmental setting. Consultation ensures therapists are not practicing in isolation but instead have a community for connection.

Whether you’re pursuing advanced training (such as EMDR certification, which requires consultation hours for certification) or simply seeking peer feedback on complex cases, consultation is a space for learning and curiosity without the evaluative component of supervision.

A Trauma-Informed Approach

Consultation, like therapy itself, is most effective when grounded in trauma-informed principles. These principles ensure that the space for clinicians mirrors the environment we strive to create for our clients:

• Safety – Creating a welcoming, respectful space where sensitive clinical material can be shared.
• Trustworthiness & Transparency – Maintaining clear communication and a consistent structure to foster professional trust.
• Choice – Honoring the autonomy of each therapist in identifying consultation needs and applying feedback.
• Collaboration – Engaging in mutual problem-solving and shared decision-making.
• Empowerment – Highlighting strengths and validating the clinician’s expertise to build confidence.

When consultation is trauma-informed, therapists are reminded that they, too, deserve care, reflection, and support. This recognition sustains resilience and models the very principles that help clients heal.

Why Ongoing Consultation Matters for All Clinicians

Research shows therapists who engage in consultation report higher professional satisfaction and more effective client outcomes. Beyond data, consultation provides a lived experience of connection and growth that directly benefits both therapists and their clients.

Clinical consultation offers benefits that ripple out to every client:

• Professional Growth – Therapists refine existing skills, integrate new research, and their practice into specialized areas such as EMDR, parts work, or Trauma Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST).
• Ethical Clarity – A structured space for navigating boundaries, confidentiality concerns, and complex clinical decisions.
• Relational Support – A safeguard against professional isolation and burnout through connection and shared wisdom.
• Bias Awareness – Opportunities to identify and address blind spots, cultural assumptions, and systemic factors that can impact equitable care.
• Creative and Collaborative Problem-Solving – Brainstorm treatment approaches in a judgment-free environment.

For therapists working with trauma, ongoing consultation is especially critical, and the work is never finished. Each client brings new challenges and unique histories that require us to think flexibly and compassionately. Even the most skilled practitioners benefit from consultation—deliberate, reflective professional support—to sustain ethical, effective, and compassionate care. As clinicians engage with clients’ deepest wounds, consultation becomes not a luxury but a foundational safeguard for both therapist and client.

The “Oxygen Mask” Idea

We often remind clients about self-care. The same is true for therapists. The emotional demands of the profession are real, and without adequate support, even the most skilled clinicians risk exhaustion or compassion fatigue.

Clinical consultation serves as the “oxygen mask” for the clinician—critical scaffolding that supports those entrusted with the healing of others. Just as passengers must put on their own mask before helping others, therapists must prioritize their own grounding and support in order to provide safe and effective care. Consultation offers that lifeline: a chance to breathe, reflect, and return to the therapy room with renewed clarity and compassion.

What This Means for Clients

For clients, the idea that your therapist participates in ongoing consultation may be reassuring. It means your therapist is not working in isolation but is actively engaging in continued education, reflective practice, and ethical dialogue with peers. It also means your therapist values humility—the recognition that no single practitioner has all the answers, and that collaboration leads to better care.

When your therapist seeks consultation, they are investing in you. They are ensuring that your care is grounded in the most thoughtful, current, and responsive practices available.

How Can I Help?

At Brickel and Associates, we are deeply committed to this standard of care. I offer:

• Virginia Board–Approved Supervision for residents in counseling and marriage & family therapy seeking Virginia licensure.
• EMDRIA-Approved Consultation for clinicians seeking EMDR certification or simply wanting to strengthen trauma-informed practice.
• Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST) Consultation provided by a Certified TIST Therapist and Senior Facilitator, for clinicians seeking expansion of their skills to work with complex trauma survivors
• Individual and Group Clinical Consultation is designed to foster collaboration, curiosity, and professional renewal for clinicians at all stages of their careers.

Therapists cannot pour from an empty cup. Consultation is the scaffolding that supports the clinicians who, in turn, hold their clients. Whether you’re on the road to licensure or decades into your career, you deserve a safe, skilled, and trauma-informed place to connect and grow.

Clinical consultation is more than professional enrichment—it is a cornerstone of ethical, effective therapy. For therapists, it offers community, reflection, and growth. For clients, it translates into safer, more attuned, and more effective care.

Just as therapy itself is a relationship built on trust, consultation is the behind-the-scenes scaffolding that sustains therapists so they can, in turn, hold their clients with presence and compassion.

Therapists cannot—and should not—do this work alone. Consultation is not just about professional development; it is about protecting the sacred space of therapy itself.

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

As we continue to live in what seems like increasing uncertainty in the world on a daily basis, I wanted to share a few ideas around change and how to manage a life of unknowns.

Change doesn’t stop coming.

Life is full of changes, development, and growth throughout time. Some of those changes feel good — they are easy to see as positive growth. Some changes feel scary, dysregulating or destabilizing. No matter what changes in life occur, we must find a way to live. We must find a way to live in a life where we don’t know what is going to happen next. We learn to live with uncertainty. 

Uncertainty can be in anything from the bigger world issues to your relationships, to the weather, or anything in between. Because even if we have grown comfortable riding the waves of life (by having wide, expansive windows of tolerance), it doesn’t mean we’re in control. Sometimes uncertainty pushes hard on our growth edges. For trauma survivors who have grown up with uncertainty that included danger and abuse, uncertainty can be especially triggering.

I know many of you are living in fear right now, some of which feels so familiar to the past – dangerous and even scary. Do you find yourself living in fight, flight, or freeze? Is that fear current, or is it fueled by the past? Is there a way it can be safe enough for you to live in the current uncertainty? Here are some ideas…

Trees bend, so they don’t break.

A tree can withstand ferocious winds at times because, while it’s strong, it bends. It sways. It can tolerate floods and droughts. That is because with trees, there is a built-in flexibility. Conditions don’t have to be exactly perfect for it to survive, stand strong, grow, and at times, even thrive. Some seasons are harder than others. And most trees withstand the daily changes by bending and swaying, always continuing to grow. As a human being, this type of flexibility is also necessary.

Change is hard. There can be mourning or grief.

Uncertainty and change come with grief … even for “happy” times, when things are “supposed to” be good. Getting married, having a child, going to college, and getting a new job — all come with joy, uncertainty, and grief. We never know what is next – even if we try really hard to plan for it! As we move on to something new, we lose what was.  We only mourn or grieve for things that have meaning for us. Grieving is important – it makes space for feelings. We must feel the grief and find a new way forward … to renegotiate with ourselves our view of what life looks like. The narrative changes, and the story goes on. It happens. Everyday. People do this all the time in big and small ways and come out better on the other side.

Different seasons require different skills and coping mechanisms.

Sitting in uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. It can feel scary. How do we self-regulate? We can sway, bend, reassess, and renegotiate. We can find ways to add joy. We can bring forth the skills we need at the moment, and then notice when our coping skills need an update.

The healing you’ve done doesn’t go away. It gets built upon.

Yes, even those who have done work on themselves, who have grown and repaired hurt, get triggered. Change and uncertainty can trigger fear or pain. No one is immune to feeling pain. Certain circumstances might expose the need for further repair or healing. You might find that you start to rely more heavily upon old coping mechanisms again. It’s important to remember that the healing you’ve already done stays with you. Healing never ends. We keep growing and healing for our whole lives.

We can learn from trauma survivors.

Trauma survivors lived with uncertainty. They lived with pain. They figured out how to live in the most uncertain circumstances, again and again. They are humans who overcome the most insurmountable horrors and still survive and thrive. Trauma survivors remind me every day of the amazing resilience inside the human spirit. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by trauma survivors because they hold superpowers. They figure out how to survive. Those who didn’t experience complex trauma early in life may only be starting to accumulate trauma recently, beginning even with the threat to safety and life that the COVID-19 pandemic brought, and then moving on to other life events.  

Can you notice finding solace, hope, and tried-and-true empowerment in those who have healed and thrived after trauma? Noticing the strength in those who survived such horrific experiences and have worked to heal and repair themselves. Trauma survivors exude resilience. They figure it out. They then do the work. If you think you can’t do it, look at a trauma survivor to know what’s possible. We just have to find the way. We can learn.

Even when uncertainty makes you feel destabilized, can you remember your healthy coping skills? Can you notice or find some safety? How can we increase your capacity to be present in the hard work you are doing?

Grace is necessary!

Humans aren’t perfect. Healing isn’t linear. Some days and periods are harder than others. Some periods test us beyond measure, and some people experience different levels of hardship. Some won’t adhere perfectly to the path they set out. Some will fall down completely. Compassion is one of the most important things you can give yourself. Please make space to be human. 

Connection is (still, and always will be) everything.

Look to your people. Lean on your people. Safety is found in connection. Look for the helpers. If lack of trust is getting in the way, read this. If you’re starting to see your current relationships differently as you heal from trauma, read this. You deserve a connection.

Finding ways to laugh can provide relief.

In Judaism, we sit shiva after a loved one passes away. This is a time for grief. This is also a time for connection – being with our grief and our people at the same time.  Inevitably, while being together in grief, along with the sadness and the loss, someone shares a funny story or anecdote. We remember with joy and even laughter, and laughter is a grounding and unifying force. Even in grief and uncertainty of what is next, we can feel sadness, laugh, and feel connected, knowing we are not alone in our pain. 

Breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. Notice what you do have in your life. Notice your ability to breathe. Notice who you have in your life. Look at the strong and resilient trees. Take example from trauma survivors.

Notice we have been writing about this for years: Here are some more tips on how to survive trauma in the least harmful way possible.

When we are scared…

When we don’t know what will happen next…

We can fight, take flight, or freeze.

Or we can — as often as possible — breathe, stay present, notice what we need in each moment, give it to ourselves, and put whatever good we can into the world.

As a therapist, I’m going to attend to uncertainty as I always have. By staying consistent, adaptably steady. By providing a safe space. By finding strength in my community. By giving and receiving kindness and care.

In life, we manage uncertainty every day. Sometimes it’s easier, and sometimes it’s harder. Sometimes we need to have a day to grieve, take a step back, be in our pajamas, breathe and cry, and grow. And then we connect. And we figure out a new path. And we heal … And then it happens again.

Life is full of uncertainty. It takes a lot of resilience to keep getting back up — and sometimes we have to borrow and share that resilience. Isolation is not the way forward. Connection is the way forward. Connection builds our resilience. Isolation doesn’t have shared resources. Together we do.

More resources will come as we continue to connect.

Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

Complex trauma survivors learned, likely early on, that people can’t be trusted — people aren’t safe, and they haven’t met your emotional needs. The history includes many let downs — those who were supposed to be safe and keep you safe, teach you to trust and have your needs met, provide secure attachment didn’t — and it impacted your life in ways that may continue into adulthood. Therefore, you had to find a way to survive, and it’s likely you have found creative ways to cope — making isolation (or even constant company) a survival strategy.

Do you fear getting close to others?

Someone who is using isolation as a survival or coping mechanism may say things like, “I like to be alone,” “I’m not really that social,” or “I don’t need a lot of friends” — even if, deep down, they crave connection. Understandably, based on their history, they find it safer to be self-reliant and not vulnerable with other people – other people have hurt them; being ‘social’ and ‘together’ feels too risky.

Sadly, isolation is becoming easier.

The COVID-19 pandemic and the subsequent increase in the virtual nature of our world have allowed for isolation to become more commonplace. It is easier to stay distant — texting instead of calling, emailing instead of seeing someone. This isolation also leads to people being more socially anxious and awkward (we are seeing this especially with young people)! Now, isolation isn’t just a coping method for trauma survivors, it’s also fueling more trauma (mental health issues, addiction and other maladaptive coping strategies) and preventing connection — even though connection is how we heal trauma.

And it’s not just those who are isolating who are attempting to cope with trauma…

On the flipside, are you afraid to be alone?

Not all trauma survivors want to be alone. Some desperately long for attachment and can’t tolerate being alone because it’s too scary and triggering. Solitude brings up the pain of abandonment, rejection, and never having their emotional needs met. They may constantly book their schedules with social events, participate in everything, and do whatever is necessary to always be in the company of others (even if the ‘others’ aren’t safe or healthy people).

Trauma survivors tend to go one way or the other: isolation or constant company.

If you’re a trauma survivor, it’s likely you relate to one of these extremes:

1. People hurt you, and you feel safer alone. While deep inside, you may long for connection, it feels too dangerous. This sometimes leads to loneliness, depression, anxiety, and the use of additional coping mechanisms like drinking, drugs, self-harm, or binge eating to emotionally self-regulate.
2. Being alone feels terrifying, and you avoid it at all costs. People didn’t meet your emotional needs, and you desperately crave connection. This sometimes leads to being with people who aren’t safe, having relationships that aren’t healthy, or taking part in behaviors that don’t make you feel good, like drinking, drugs, sex, or food restriction. And sometimes you still feel alone, even when you’re around lots of people.

Both extremes can lead to further trauma and prevent healing. These behaviors of extreme isolation or constant company and the fears that go with both for trauma survivors can also be categorized as part of a BPD diagnosis.  As a result of trauma, people act in ways that they think will help them survive — which is why we need a more trauma-informed view of borderline personality disorder.

Why is thinking so black and white for a trauma survivor?

Children don’t have abstract thinking. That develops later in the brain. So, if a child lived in danger at home, never knowing what would set off their parent, or they got hit for doing something, their brain translates that to: I can never do this again. It’s easier to be alone!

If a child’s emotional needs aren’t being met and they feel alone, their brain might translate that to: I must try harder to be loved … be with people all the time and keep trying!

Moving into adulthood with one of these belief systems can create some unhealthy and rigid behavior patterns that no longer serve trauma survivors who are now safe in their adult lives.

You can move to the middle, where there is comfort doing both.

Living in extremes is how many trauma survivors have learned to protect themselves. That kind of extreme was necessary in your childhood — it allowed you to not notice some things (hypoarousal) and/or be vigilant (hyperarousal) to notice everything! It was an incredibly creative superpower you had to develop to keep you alive. What do you do with that superpower now that you are an adult, who can be safe in your own body? Maybe it’s time to start taking small steps into the middle — the gray area — and see if the extremes are still necessary to keep you safe. Trauma-informed therapy can help.

Expanding your ability to be present in the moment — safely — allows you to notice what you need at that time. It allows you to explore the gray area — and by expanding your window of tolerance, you can have a good balance of connection and alone-time that creates for a life of self-trust, safety, including in relationships, joy and fulfillment.

Is black and white no longer working for you?

If you’ve met me, you know I wear all black nearly every day. Maybe the occasional white dress shirt with a black sweater. So, I say, let’s keep black and white thinking for our clothes!

If you’re scared to be with people…

Or you’re scared to be alone…

If your coping strategies are no longer working…

If you are using substances, self-harm, food or restriction…

If your mental health is worsening…

If you still feel lonely or scared or unloved…

The future CAN hold something that works better and feels better. Maybe you just need some help — another hard thing for trauma survivors to do — ask for help.

If you’re interested in exploring the possibility of therapy, please reach out to our office (if you are local to our area). Let’s keep black and white thinking for what we are going to wear tomorrow. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

While it may be hard to see beyond the pain when seeking help – this is exactly where the evolution toward healing begins. If you are a complex trauma survivor considering therapy, here’s what we’d like you to know about the healing process.

At Brickel & Associates, we embrace a trauma-informed, three-stage approach to care — although these stages (like people and relationships) are not entirely linear. Let’s explore what healing looks like in action.

Milestone 1: Asking for help is self-care.

Even before therapy begins, reaching out for support is taking the first step toward healing.  It is creating a safe space dedicated to your well-being – solely focused on your care, growth, and healing.

It is a powerful reminder that you matter. You deserve to have a safe space for yourself, a place where your needs are heard and respected.  Noticing you matter – deserving of self-care. That first step is a foundational part of the process.

Milestone 2: Building Safety Through the Therapeutic Relationship

For many survivors of complex trauma, a safe and stable relationship may never have been experienced before—especially one where someone shows up consistently with care and respect. Over time, the relationship between a trauma survivor and the therapist begins to serve as an example of what a safe and stable relationship can look like—safety in human connection.

This process takes time, as trust doesn’t come easily, particularly for those who have experienced abuse, betrayal or neglect in the past. As therapists demonstrate consistency, safety, and reliability, trust begins to form.  Gradually, trauma survivors begin to experience that people can be consistent. They can show up for you. They can genuinely care about your well-being. They can do what they say they will do.

While an individual may have grown up with disorganized attachment (and have resulting  Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), the therapeutic relationship can serve as a model for establishing healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and self-care.  Through this dynamic, a trauma survivor learns that relationships can foster growth rather than reinforce the belief that relationships are a source of pain.

The work toward safety and stability (stage one of trauma healing) includes reducing the use of harmful (maladaptive) coping skills – leading to choices for sobriety, healthy eating, emotional regulation, healthy movement, boundaries, self-care, and compassion in trauma-informed therapy.  The therapeutic relationship is built upon the foundation that all trauma survivors’ experiences and coping mechanisms make sense, given their history.  They are met with compassion and care.  The goal is not to judge or invalidate; it is to create space for healthier coping strategies to take root – strategies that will replace maladaptive patterns with ones that support the present-day reality. 

Milestone 3: Experiencing Safety in the Body.

As trust and safety deepen within the therapeutic relationship, the process of healing becomes more tangible.  The experience of building a safe relationship that supports healing is not easy. Some of the work together is hard! Exploring painful relationships, difficult past experiences, and coping mechanisms can be challenging. It is not uncommon for survivors to encounter discomfort as they expand their emotional capacity. 

Noticing this process fosters healing. A key part of trauma recovery is the widening of the window of tolerance – the ability to manage and remain grounded through emotional distress.  As this window grows, individuals begin to notice that they can handle what’s happening in the present moment – they can stay grounded and present and be ok – having support along the way. 

This expansive forward movement allows for a space that is further away from what was just F.I.N.E (an acronym from the recovery community and popularized by an Aerosmith song) or tolerated before, to a new understanding of what safety is. As growth and healing happen, and a person’s window of tolerance widens, trauma can be processed, and life can get better.

With increased emotional regulation, a trauma survivor can begin to experience safety in their own body. They learn that they alone own their body and control who has access to it. This newfound sense of autonomy marks a significant milestone in the healing process.  Along with this empowered sense of self comes the freedom to express one’s voice, make choices, and create healthy boundaries—tools essential for maintaining safety and well-being in the present.

The integration of safety, stability, and trust developed during therapy supports the survivor in seeing the depth of their own resilience and capacity for growth.

Milestone 4: The safety expands out of the therapy room — to other relationships.

When you start to feel safer and more stable in yourself, now you can take that safety outside the therapy room and further into the life you are building. Perhaps it starts small: Saying hello to a new neighbor or that person who works on your floor that you think is cute — or even going to a support group, where you might practice your skills with a few more people. Maybe you start reaching out a little more — letting people in a little more, as you’re noticing that not all people are hurtful. You start to recognize the helpers, see the healing power of healthy relationships, and grow more comfortable with being vulnerable.

As trauma survivors experience healing, they begin to form new, healthier relationships built on trust and mutual support.  These relationships not only contribute to their well-being, but they also create a network of support that is essential for continued healing.  As they open up to others, they grow more connected, less isolated, (because people struggle to heal when isolated), and more resilient.  Ultimately, they realize they are not alone. The support system built helps to ground and nourish.  There is a home base, and that home base becomes you!

Milestone 5: Ongoing Healing and Growth

The healing journey doesn’t stop once the initial milestones are reached.  The window of tolerance continues to expand, allowing survivors to access new resources and skills, including the ability to ask for help and even to allow that support to occur. The trauma endured continues to be processed, and survivors learn to integrate the past into a new, empowered narrative that starts to become their life today.  Healing is not a destination – it’s a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.  We are always healing!

If you’re ready to explore the healing potential of therapy, and you’re local to Alexandria, please reach out to our office.  We are here to support you toward the healing and peace you deserve.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/