Dissociation runs on a continuum from road hypnosis, daydreaming and losing yourself in a good book to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and then to the extreme of Dissociative Identity Disorder.

The experience is normal when you are lost in something you enjoy or bored on a long drive and suddenly arrive at your destination with no idea how you got there. The mind, emotions, and body are not in the same place at the same time. In trauma, it can be the “freeze” in fight, flight, freeze.

It is normal for children to dissociate and when faced with severe trauma they have to escape somehow, so they go away mentally and emotionally to protect themselves.

What Does the Experience of Trauma Dissociation Feel Like?

Note: The following poem is copyright protected:

Dissociation

Through the window
out the door,
round and round the ceiling,
never falling off the floor
seldom truly feeling.

Living with dissociation is like stepping through the Looking Glass. Time, space, memory, and sense of self become distorted. What is real? What is not?

Trauma that happens when a child is dissociated can cause memories that feel like dreams. As an adult you may feel like you are out of your body watching yourself. Or, as though you are acting in a dream. Things seem unreal.

A person with alters may watch themselves say or do something they have no control over which can be very disconcerting. People may tell them things that they said or did that they deny because they actually lost time.

How Dissociation Works in CPTSD and D.I.D.

The act of dissociating is a coping skill to prevent a child from going crazy or dying. Unfortunately, when a child with severe developmental trauma continues to rely on this coping skill as an adult it can cause problems. It initially helps with survival and can give an adult a much-needed break from stress so that they can function. When used exclusively though it can interfere with having a normal life.

Not being aware of what is happening in your feelings or in your body can protect against triggers but it limits the person’s experience. It can also cause problems in jobs and relationships because the person isn’t fully present.

How Can You Heal and Move Forward?

The only way out is through. Moving forward to heal further involves being brave enough to look inside yourself. Coping skills will only get you so far and may act as a band-aid unless you work on healing. Starting an internal dialogue, possibly through journaling can be a step toward inner communication.

Questions to ask yourself can be: What do I need? What do I feel? What do I want? How can I start trusting myself and listen to the answers?

It can be very hard for survivors to look inside and be honest enough to reconnect. The whole idea of dissociation is to disconnect from pain and fear. This is where coping skills can help so that you can decide how much work to do at one time, where and when.

Learning to stop dissociating and deal with reality is much like learning to cope without addictions. It can be very scary and difficult but worth the effort. It is essential to have supports in this and to be your own best friend and advocate.

A Few Skills That Can Help:

A. Grounding: Sit down and press your feet on the floor, hands on your knees, breathe deeply and slowly and look around. Ask yourself 5 things you see, hear, and can touch. Also ask yourself what you see that couldn’t possibly have been there when the trauma happened. This can reorient you.

B. Choosing a quiet time and safe space to journal: If you have alters possibly ask the Little Ones if they want to decorate a journal and of course any part can help. You might want to have separate notebooks for each where they can communicate with you and each other. If you don’t have alters, one journal may be enough unless you also want to have a separate journal for your inner child.

C. Containment: You can use visualization to do this activity. Note: People who dissociate tend to be very good at visualization. Visualize a box or trunk or whatever you like so that you can put the memories or feelings in it until you can deal with it. You may want to lock it and put it somewhere safe inside yourself. You can also use a real box like a shoebox, decorate it and write or draw what is bothering you. Then put it in the box and set it aside until you are ready to work on it.

D. If you have alters, ask an older part or a getting on with life part to come out.

E. Safe room or safe house: This can be very helpful for a person with alters but also works for people who dissociate but don’t have alters. Write in detail a description of a safe room (for D.I.D. a safe house with separate rooms for each). Be sure to write as many details as possible so that it seems real. Will it have doors, windows, curtains, angels, animals, food? What colors will it be? How big or small? Will there be toys, music etc. You are only limited by your imagination. You can then practice going inside for brief periods to find respite. The more that you learn to control the dissociation, the less you will have to rely on it.

A Word of Hope:

Holistically we heal top to bottom, inside to out, newer things heal more quickly and older things take longer. Sometimes too things come back for healing on a deeper level.

Like a spiral staircase, you are always up a level.

Sometimes on the healing journey, people feel stuck and afraid that the pain will never end. But, remember the spiral staircase. Feeling like you are back at the beginning is part of the process. You’re never back at the beginning. Trying to love yourself through it and giving yourself credit for what you do, can make all the difference!

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

Susan Pollard, MS

https://www.facebook.com/susanpollardlifecoach   susanp113@gmail.com

Photo by Joeyy Lee on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Susan Pollard

The Amygdala in the brain stores memories of fear. On a very basic level, abuse and trauma feel like a threat to survival. The Amygdala is part of the brain’s Limbic System, which is involved with emotions and reactions to stimuli. An Amygdala highjacking is a term for how the fear center stops the front of the brain from working right. When you are afraid, this action of the Amygdala makes you literally unable to think.

That is why people say, “I was too scared to think!” Your body is getting ready very quickly to run, fight the threat, or freeze in place and hope it thinks you are dead and goes away. This probably worked well when humans were living around Saber Tooth tigers. Now, though, the brain acts the same way without the same environment. Therefore, people experience what they call Stress.

One of the most challenging things that trauma does to people is to cause extreme stress. A trigger is a form of stress.

Understanding Triggers:

A trigger is a sensory experience that causes a trauma reaction. It can be a sight, sound, smell, thought, memory, touch, movie, book, or conversation. It tends to cause anxiety, sometimes extreme terror. A trigger may happen before a flashback or cause an episode of dissociation.
Triggers may also happen during sleep or in a dream. From a spiritual perspective, triggers are the mind’s way of telling you that healing is needed.

Tools to Help in Healing:

The ability to take your power back is essential to healing from any past trauma, especially healing from PTSD or Complex PTSD.
The following are tools that can be used to assist in healing. If any tool triggers you, STOP using it. You can always try again at another time if you want to.

• Don’t overdrive your headlights. When you are driving and it is dark outside you will only see a few feet ahead. Then, as soon as you have gone as far as the lights shine, you will see farther ahead. So, take your time emotionally and only go as far as you can see at that time. Reminding yourself about this can help change your thinking and reactions.
• Breathe Deeply in through your nose to the count of 3, hold to 3, and out through your mouth to the count of 6. If you are panicking and can’t breathe in, Breathe Out! This will force you to breathe in. Try to breathe from your diaphragm, not your chest. If you are breathing correctly (think how a baby breathes), your stomach goes out as you breathe in, and your stomach goes in as you breathe out. Practice before you need it so that it is easier to use when you do need to calm yourself.
• Grounding. Grounding is the feeling that you are in your body and connected to reality. This is a simple grounding exercise, which works very well with flashbacks and panic attacks. Sit down, breathe deeply in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Press your hands down on your knees and your feet down on the floor. Continue to breathe deeply and slowly. Focus on what you see and hear around you. Say aloud four things you see and four things you hear around you. If you are having a flashback, remind yourself “This is only PTSD, it is a flashback, it is Not happening now. I am safe here now. This is just a memory.” Say your name and the date.
• Hold a teddy bear or other stuffed toy or hug a pet. Otherwise, find a safe person to hug. Hugs release oxytocin, which is a feel-good and bonds with other chemicals in the brain.
• Use a Healing Symbol. Decide upon a Healing Symbol that will make you feel safe and calm when you visualize it. If you have trouble visualizing, you can pretend that you see it and your mind will not know the difference. It can be anything you want such as a tree, an angel, a candle, your dog, etc. However, it has to be something that makes you feel safe and calm. Once you decide what you want to use, describe it in detail. Write how it looks, feels, sounds, smells, and tastes (if it is something that has a taste). You can also draw it. Then practice visualizing it in your mind’s eye while you breathe deeply, telling yourself, “This is my Healing Symbol to help me feel calm and safe.” Practice this repeatedly when you are calm. You use it as a Mantra in meditation is used. It is something to focus on. When you are trying to relax and/or meditate, thoughts may come into your mind that distract you. You can acknowledge them and pull yourself back to your Healing Symbol. It may take a bit of practice, but it is very powerful. Carrying a physical representation of your Healing Symbol can also help. For instance, a shell if your symbol is the ocean or a picture of your child if your symbol is your child. Put your physical representation in your pocket, and when you need to ground and calm yourself, hold it and remind yourself, “This is my Healing Symbol to help me feel calm and safe.”
• Power Shield. Draw a shield. This is not a drawing lesson, so you do not have to be an artist. You can make it look however you would like. It can be a Force field, a huge Angel, a big battle shield, or whatever you would like it to be. Divide the picture into 6 parts and either draw or write words in each part that make you feel safe. Practice visualizing it so that you can call it in when you need to feel powerful. You can also post it where you will look at it and remember to use it.

There are many other tools that can be used, and a chapter of them is included in my PTSD book. The ones listed above are just a few ideas. Learning as many tools as you can for your healing toolbox can be helpful. Using a variety of techniques can give you more of a chance to find something that will bring relief.

Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

Resources:

The following are links to my three books. The first two books have tools that can be used for healing. The last one, a novel, is the first in a trilogy. The titles are: Unlocking the Puzzle of PTSD, Restoring the Broken Threads and Cry for the Children.

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Puzzle-PTSD-Holistic-Restoring/dp/B08KYPDL8B

https://www.amazon.com/Restoring-Broken-Threads-Trauma-Light/dp/B09919GSPQ/ref=sr_1_2?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.soa2iDK3TNzbotbJcJpi5pOjUXYL_gaVfm6vxD0q_ZQ.Nl0e6l35CYSqBpuWdnpJp68xuAUjx4iicGKqtfO7vm0&dib_tag=se&qid=1710957900&refinements=p_27%3ASusan+Pollard+MS&s=books&sr=1-2

https://www.amazon.com/Cry-Children-Novel/dp/B0BW3HQXXQ/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.S8ELE3V0I4kw7xQhnpvjDw.t_0mEVbId8bBL2HV_tbVTY0ouTzBlLivRqndnX1ue-I&dib_tag=se&keywords=9798377318118&linkCode=qs&qid=1710957719&s=books&sr=1-1

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

Susan Pollard, MS

https://www.facebook.com/susanpollardlifecoach        susanp113@gmail.com

Susan Pollard

Although Complex PTSD is different for everyone, these are some examples of what it feels like when having a flashback: Imagine jumping out of bed screaming at 3 AM, wide-eyed, terrified, with no idea where you are.

Imagine always having one foot in the past and one foot in the present, unable to tell at times which is which. Imagine seeing or hearing something that triggers an unseen hand gripping your gut and pulling it out through your throat. Imagine feeling like you have a sign flashing on your forehead, “Damaged Goods!” and feeling you will never fit in.

What are Flashbacks?

This can be very disorienting and terrifying, and it can cause doubt in your own experiences

A flashback is a reliving of a memory or piece of a memory. It can also be a detached watching of a memory. It starts with a trigger. This can be a sight, smell, or sound. Flashbacks can also be a feeling of panic or feeling little and young. This type is called a body or somatic memory and usually does not have a picture or story to go with it.

Flashbacks can occur in dreams or as a disembodied voice of someone you know, such as a parent yelling at you.

You might lose track of time or where you are. This can be very disorienting and terrifying, and it can cause doubt in your own experiences.

Healing:

Flashbacks are a sign from the subconscious that something is amiss. It’s a call to wake up, to heal. To do this you have to be very honest and brave. Admitting where you’ve been injured, hurt, and betrayed is a first step.

Recognizing who was responsible and feeling the emotions, will help to release them. Someone once said, “Oh no, you mean I have to go through it again but this time with feelings?”

Yes, but this time, you don’t have to experience it alone unless you choose to.

Trusting Your Memories:

Many survivors of abuse and trauma, especially long-lasting and severe trauma, tend to doubt their own memory and knowingness. The “No talk rule” says: Don’t see, Don’t hear, Don’t Think, Don’t Feel, Don’t Say. It starts young and is very intimidating.

“The body remembers what the mind chooses to forget.”

Many survivors have an almost obsessive need to explain themselves when challenged or questioned. If you have trouble trusting your own memories and experiences, it will be much harder to trust that others will believe you.

Many people have heard, “The body remembers what the mind chooses to forget.” Dissociating memories is very common in severe abuse and trauma survivors. Some people remember many things, some people have memories come back much later. Typically, when a person reaches the 30’s and 40’s it is harder for the mind to continue to repress memories.

Memories tend to come back in bits and pieces. They may not have a storyline or timeline, so they may not make sense. If the person was very young at the time of the incident(s) or was dissociated, the memory may be fuzzy or seem like a dream. It’s so much easier to doubt when something doesn’t seem real.

Even if all details do not return or are not entirely accurate, the feelings are real and should be trusted. Details have been seen through the eyes of the child who experienced the original trauma(s). They are being remembered through a child’s eyes and mind, even though the child is now in an adult body.

How Do You Trust Yourself?

Rarely or never feeling safe is one of the worst legacies of severe trauma. It can be extremely difficult to trust yourself or anyone else if you do not feel safe and secure.

Finding a person who can be a silent and supportive witness to your story can be invaluable. Being a silent witness to younger parts of yourself can also be a way of reparenting and feeling safer.

Trust takes time and forgiving yourself for what you may have had to do to survive can be helpful. Another way to build confidence in yourself is to listen carefully to your own needs and validate yourself. Ignoring or punishing yourself for having human needs is not healthy. However, being kind and loving to yourself can repair the relationship between you and your inner child or children.

Listening to your intuition, gut feeling, or the still small voice inside can be the best guide. When the younger self or selves know that they are heard and valued, layers of injury can be mended.

The following book contains many tools for healing:

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

Susan Pollard, MS

https://www.facebook.com/susanpollardlifecoach

susanp113@gmail.com

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Susan Pollard

Many people think of grief as a reaction to the loss of a person, relationship, pet, or job. Grieving is a whole-body experience; both the body and the mind are involved. People may cry or feel sad, or they may become incredibly angry and moody. They may lose their appetite or eat too much. They may have issues with sleeping, either too much or not enough. They may sigh often and find that they cannot concentrate. They also may begin to cling to other people or animals, fearing that these will be taken away as well. They may lose the will to live.

Complications of Grief Combined with CPTSD:

Living with PTSD and CPTSD is like watching the reality of your life suddenly and unexpectedly tossed up into the air repeatedly. The reality shatters like a puzzle. Then the puzzle pieces fall all around, and you do not know how to put the picture back together again. Life seems like you are trying to navigate a minefield in the dark with the brain constantly screaming “Danger! Danger!”

To repair the picture, you must deal with pain, sometimes pain that feels enormous and even unbearable. When a person has been rejected or is feeling emotional pain from other issues, the same part of the brain that is activated during physical pain becomes triggered. That is why it hurts so much. People who are survivors of severe trauma, especially developmental trauma from childhood may have more intense grief reactions. CPTSD causes people to have trouble regulating their emotions and feelings may seem more intense and unmanageable.

Examples of Triggers to Grief:

Many people do not realize that grief is not only about actual loss but is also about what you did not have a chance to have in your life. The loss of health, for example, a common issue with CPTSD survivors can cause grief. Not being able to do the things you used to do, can feel devastating at times.

Another common concern is betrayal trauma. This happens when a child or adult has been betrayed by someone that they trusted. A frequent occurrence is when a parent does not protect a child or refuses to believe when a child reports abuse or molestation. This form of trauma can happen to an adult when a loved one or another trusted person deceives them and harms them. Lies and deceit by people you care about can destroy confidence. It can cause damaged faith in other people and yourself. This can increase CPTSD symptoms.

The Death of an Abusive Parent:

When you do not have the love and support of a parent(s), or a normal childhood it can be more difficult to cope when an abusive parent dies. Many people do not understand why they may feel sad when an abusive parent dies.

This is caused by the loss of hope, the loss of a dream that the parent(s) will change and love and accept the person or will apologize and make amends. When a person dissociates and is learning not to, the whole situation may feel intolerable. The same thing may occur when a person is learning to cope with life without substances or using other addictions. The temptation to return to old unhealthy coping skills may be almost impossible to resist.

People must listen to their inner voice, the higher, wiser self before acting. This takes practice and confidence in yourself. Everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. Tuning into your own needs and permitting yourself to use self-care can help to relieve the hurt and confusion.

Using Grief as a Stepping Stone for Healing:

Any unresolved loss can also trigger a person if a new loss happens. Holistically people heal in layers, top to bottom, inside to out, newer things heal more quickly, and older things take longer to heal. Things can also come back for healing on a deeper level and the person may then have a “relapse” which is just a recycling. Old symptoms may return and present symptoms may grow worse temporarily.

If you visualize healing as a spiral staircase, you may think you have gone back to the beginning again, but you are up a level. No one is ever back at the beginning although it feels that way at times.

It takes enormous courage and discernment to continue to heal old layers and live your present-day life at the same time. Giving yourself credit for how far you have come is essential and helps to repair damaged self-esteem and self-confidence.

It can be helpful to listen to yourself and allow triggers to be a sign that further work is necessary. Many survivors have huge problems with permitting themselves to practice self-care. Being gentle with yourself is healthier than self-medicating with food, substances, relationships, or self-harm. Identifying and labeling feelings is a way of making them more manageable and reducing the need to self-medicate.

A step up on the spiral staircase is learning to be your own best friend and advocate while honoring and respecting yourself. This can assist in healing the layers of scars in the body, mind, and soul.

Resources:

The following are links to my three books. The first two books have tools that can be used for healing. The last one, a novel, is the first in a trilogy. The titles are: Unlocking the Puzzle of PTSD, Restoring the Broken Threads and Cry for the Children.

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Puzzle-PTSD-Holistic-Restoring/dp/B08KYPDL8B

https://www.amazon.com/Religion-Spirituality-Susan-Pollard-MS-Books/s?rh=n%3A22%2Cp_27%3ASusan+Pollard+MS

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=9798377318118&i=stripbooks&linkCode=qs

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

Susan Pollard, MS

https://www.facebook.com/susanpollardlifecoach susanp113@gmail.com

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Susan Pollard