When you feel like you want to die

When there’s nobody around

When all you can do is cry

Living with trauma is not easy and most people have no idea what survivors go through every single day. I write for those who have no voice due to trauma, in the hope that I can make their day a little less heavy.

I write to spread awareness of trauma behavior so that family members can recognize the signs, and help take care of loved ones when they are struggling.

I write because I’ve been living with trauma memories all my life. I know how to heal, and get through even the worst memories. If I can do it, so can any survivor.

There is life after trauma, and it can be great.

In this article, I’m talking about your healing journey. The one path to happiness that I’ve traveled on for many years. I know it’s not easy to heal, but I also know that it can be done.

Let’s take a look at your healing journey and delve deeper into your nervous system.

The nervous system is your body’s command center. It functions from your brain, spinal cord, and nerves by using electrical and chemical signals to transmit information through the body.

Your Peripheral Nervous System (PNS) is made up of all the nerves which branch out of the brain and spinal cord, connecting to every area of the body.

PNS is made up of two areas: the Somatic and the Autonomic nervous system.

The Somatic nervous system controls voluntary movements, whereas the Autonomic nervous system takes care of our bodily functions. (breathing, digestion, temperature etc.).

Here, I’m going to explore the Somatic system and what happens while we are healing from trauma.

Many trauma responses don’t look like trauma. You might be feeling great, and yet your body is telling you that maybe you’re not.

Trauma responses can look like these:
Constant apologizing
Feeling guilty for resting
Overthinking conversations
Always expecting the worst.

Struggling to trust people
Needing more time to process emotions and situations
Jumping at loud noises
Feeling responsible for everyone
Finding it hard to say “no”
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

These aren’t personality flaws. They are often protective survival responses your nervous system developed after experiencing trauma, chronic stress, emotional neglect, or abusive relationships.

The good news is that your nervous system can learn safety again.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened to you. It means helping your body understand that the danger has passed, and building a life where you can finally feel safe.

There is support to help with your healing journey out there.

Here are a few techniques that I can recommend for those days that you’re not feeling your best self.

Try them out and let me know what works for you.

Nervous system regulation

A cool shower that washes away the hot day. Feel the water sluice the stressors off your body.

Listen to your favorite music. Notice how your body begins to appreciate the tunes by singing or humming along. You may even tap your feet.

Wear your favorite clothes and notice how you feel. That cosy warm feeling is nice after an emotional trigger.

Retreat into a space that blocks out all the noise, or wear noise-canceling headphones. Relish in the quiet for a while and get yourself into a better head space.

Treat yourself to your favorite takeout food after a hard day. The taste of something nice can help you feel better.

Notice your shoulders and neck. If you are carrying trauma, that stress often sits in these areas. Tense and release your shoulders a few times and notice the difference.

Grounding exercises

Feel your feet sink into sand on the beach. Notice the change in temperature in the layers.

Dip your feet into a lake or the ocean. Notice the change in temperature and how it feels on your skin.

Lay down in your favorite place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes for a moment or two. Then open them. Notice five things in your surroundings, think about four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

Once you’re done with the final exercise, your body should be nice a calm.

Breathing techniques

Take a deep breath and feel it expands in your chest. Then release it and let everything go. Repeat until you feel calm.

If you want to try more breathing techniques, I’ve authored a whole article about the “Power of Breathing.” Access it here:

https://medium.com/illumination/the-power-of-the-breath-3e7dd21d1f4e

Trauma-informed Education

There are many books out there claiming to know what it feels like to heal from trauma. As a survivor, I know that not every book does what it says or describes living with trauma accurately.

In my opinion, it takes years to understand what it feels to live with trauma if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

Check out the credentials of the authors before you buy these type of books. Do they know what they’re talking about? What’s their background and experience?

Take a look at the CPTSD Foundation website. There are daily help and advice for trauma survivors.

The Trauma Research Foundation is another website that houses a community of clinicians working with trauma survivors.

Big names such as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk and Dr. Gabor Mate have both published extensively on the topic. Their books are favorite reads of mine, especially Dr. Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score.”

Journaling

Journaling your feelings can help if you are struggling with trauma memories. Write it all down and then let it go if you can.

Here is an article I wrote about how journaling can help you heal from trauma:

https://medium.com/pen-with-paper/how-journaling-can-help-you-heal-c151be15be28

Somatic exercises

There are somatic exercises that can help to release trauma from the body. They focus on body sensations to signal safety to the brain to regulate and reconnect you back to “normal.”

Somatic healing involves:

• Stretching and movement exercises.
• Breathwork
• Titration and pendulating
• Tremoring and shaking.

This might sound strange to some readers, but I can tell you that if you are stuck in a trauma trigger, somatic healing exercises can help you out of that fight vs flight feeling.

Supportive community

Having people around you is vital for your mental health. We are social creatures and we thrive best when we are supported by others. Being supported doesn’t mean that you have to be with people all the time. There needs to be a balance of respect and boundaries.

For me, just knowing that I have friends who I can bounce things off to when I’m triggered means everything to me. I know my friends are there for me through anything.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

• How to Explain Complex PTSD to Loved Ones
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Photo Credit: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

When Your Nervous System Needs a Moment

Bellamy wiped down another table, trying to ignore the growing tightness in their chest. The lunch rush at the diner had been particularly chaotic today—too many sounds, too many demands, a customer who reminded them of someone from their past. The familiar buzzing sensation started spreading through their limbs.

Not now. Please not now.

Their coworker Maylyn noticed their hands trembling slightly as they stacked plates.

“Hey, I’ve got this section. Take five if you need it,” she whispered.

Bellamy nodded gratefully and headed toward the bathroom, their safe haven during shifts when everything became too much. Once inside a stall, they leaned against the cool tile wall and took a shaky breath.

It’s happening again. I’m not in danger. My body is trying to protect me.

Working With, Not Against Your Nervous System

What Bellamy is experiencing isn’t weakness—it’s their nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect them. For people with Complex PTSD, the brain’s alarm system has been calibrated through painful experiences to be extra vigilant.

Your body isn’t broken when it responds this way. It’s actually trying to keep you safe based on what it’s learned from the past. The key isn’t fighting against these responses or powering through them—it’s working with your nervous system, acknowledging its efforts to protect you, and gently guiding it back to a state where you can function.

When These Techniques Are Most Helpful

These techniques are first-aid tools for your nervous system – they’re not replacements for long-term therapy but can help you function in the moment. They’re especially helpful for:

Non-specific anxiety or panic: When your nervous system is overactivated but there isn’t an immediate concrete threat that needs addressing.

Trauma-related distress: When you’re experiencing flashbacks, emotional flooding, or body sensations that are connected to past trauma rather than present danger. These are situations where your body is responding as if you’re in danger even when you’re currently safe.

If you’re experiencing dissociation or feeling numb: Start with gentle touch (e.g., rubbing your palms together or tracing your arm) before trying colder or stronger sensations. Grounding techniques that provide gentle sensory input are usually most helpful when feeling disconnected.

For situations involving concrete present concerns (waiting for important test results, preparing for a difficult conversation, facing potential job loss, or dealing with relationship issues), these techniques can still help regulate your nervous system so you can think more clearly. However, they aren’t meant to replace addressing the actual situation. In these cases:

1. Use these techniques first to calm your physiological response
2. Once regulated, you can then engage in problem-solving, decision-making, or seeking support for the actual situation
3. Remember that anxiety about real-life concerns is valid and sometimes appropriate

If negative self-beliefs are dominant (thoughts like “I’m worthless,” “I’m a failure,” “No one cares about me”), combine regulation techniques with gentle reality testing once you’re calmer. Ask yourself: “What evidence supports or contradicts this belief?” and “How would I respond to a friend who felt this way?”

Important note: If any technique feels activating or increases your distress, simply stop and try another. We all respond differently, and what works today might not work tomorrow.

The techniques below are arranged in order of what your body can typically respond to first when in distress. Physical and sensory techniques come before cognitive ones because your thinking brain often can’t fully engage until your body feels safer. If you have physical limitations, adapt techniques: use your breath instead of tapping, or visualize sensations instead of physical pressure.

Download Printable PDF

15 Quick Bathroom Stall Resets

Physical Regulation First

1. Cold Water Facial Reset

What it is: Splashing cold water specifically on your forehead, around your eyes, and cheeks.

Why it works: This triggers your mammalian dive reflex—an automatic response that quickly slows your heart rate, reduces breathing rate, and shifts your nervous system from fight-or-flight toward rest-and-digest. It’s like hitting a biological reset button.

How to do it: Cup cold water in your hands and press it against your face, especially around your eyes and cheeks, for 15-30 seconds. If you’re in a stall without immediate access to a sink, you can use a cold water bottle pressed against these areas, or take several paper towels, wet them with cold water before entering the stall, and press them against your face, focusing on the areas around your eyes, forehead, and cheeks. While not as effective as running water, the coolness can still help activate the calming response.

2. Vagus Nerve Stimulation

What it is: Simple exercises that activate your vagus nerve—the superhighway of your parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system.

Why it works: Your vagus nerve helps regulate many bodily functions including heart rate and stress response. Stimulating it sends calming signals throughout your body.

How to do it:

• Hum softly to yourself for 30 seconds (feel the vibration in your throat)
• Make the same motion and muscle engagement as if you were gargling water, but without liquid – just the throat movement and gentle vibration
• At the back of your head where your skull meets your neck (about 2 inches up from where your neck begins), use your thumbs or index and middle fingers to press gently for 30-60 seconds on either side of your spine, applying gentle pressure and small circular motions

Download Printable PDF

3. Butterfly Hug

What it is: A self-administered form of bilateral stimulation (moving attention back and forth between sides of the body).

Why it works: This technique, inspired by EMDR therapy, helps integrate emotional processing by engaging both brain hemispheres and provides gentle, rhythmic self-touch that can be grounding.

How to do it: Cross your arms over your chest, hands on opposite shoulders. Alternate gentle taps on each shoulder while taking slow breaths. Tap at a slow, steady rhythm – about one tap per second or slightly slower. This isn’t rapid tapping but a deliberate, rhythmic movement that allows you to feel each tap fully. Even just 30 seconds can be helpful if you’re short on time.

4. Starfish Breathing

What it is: A visual breathing technique using your hand.

Why it works: The combination of touch, visual focus, and controlled breathing accesses multiple sensory channels, giving your overwhelmed brain something concrete to focus on while naturally slowing your breath.

How to do it: Hold one hand up with fingers spread. Using your other hand’s index finger, trace up your thumb as you inhale, down as you exhale. Continue around each finger, syncing breath with the movement. Imagine you’re tracing the outline of your hand on paper – going up the outside of each finger as you inhale, and down the inside of the finger as you exhale.

5. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (Quick Version)

What it is: A rapid tension-and-release exercise moving through major muscle groups.

Why it works: Muscle tension is a physical component of anxiety. By deliberately tensing and releasing muscles, you break the physical anxiety cycle and send safety signals to your brain.

How to do it: Tense and release these areas for 5 seconds each: feet, calves, thighs, buttocks, stomach, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face. For your face, scrunch up all facial muscles tightly – furrow your brow, squeeze your eyes shut, purse your lips, and clench your jaw – hold for 5 seconds, then release completely, feeling the tension melt away.

6. Hair Tugging/Scalp Massage

What it is: Gentle stimulation of the scalp through light pulling or massage.

Why it works: Your scalp has many nerve endings, and stimulating them can reduce muscle tension while providing sensory input that draws you back into your body when you’re starting to disconnect.

How to do it: Using your fingertips, apply firm pressure to your scalp and make small circular motions. Or gently grasp sections of hair near the roots and apply slight tension for a few seconds.

7. Acupressure Points

What it is: Applying pressure to specific points on your body that can help reduce stress and anxiety.

Why it works: These points connect to meridians (energy pathways) in traditional medicine and stimulating them may influence your nervous system and trigger relaxation responses.

How to do it: These two points are particularly effective and easy to find:

• Press the point between your eyebrows (at the center, sometimes called the ‘third eye’ point) with your index or middle finger, applying firm pressure for 30-60 seconds
• Press the spot between your thumb and index finger (the webbing) using the thumb and index finger of your opposite hand for 30-60 seconds

Optional additional points if you have time:

• Press the center of your palm with the thumb of your opposite hand for 30-60 seconds
• Press the point three finger-widths below your belly button with gentle pressure for 30-60 seconds

8. EFT Tapping Sequence

What it is: A simplified version of Emotional Freedom Techniques that involves tapping on specific meridian points.

Why it works: The physical tapping sends activating signals to the amygdala (your brain’s alarm center) while you’re in a safe environment, helping to recalibrate its threat response.

How to do it: Begin by tapping the “karate chop” point (the outer edge of your hand, below your little finger) while saying a setup phrase that acknowledges your feelings: “Even though I’m feeling [anxious/overwhelmed/scared], I deeply and completely accept myself.” Repeat this three times, then while taking slow breaths, use your fingertips to tap these points 5-7 times each, briefly naming the feeling (“this anxiety,” “this overwhelm”) as you tap:

• Top of the head
• Eyebrow (inner edge)
• Side of the eye
• Under the eye
• Under the nose
• Chin
• Collarbone
• Under the arm (about 4 inches down from armpit)
• Inside of wrists

9. Donna Eden’s Celtic Weave

What it is: A movement that crosses energy over the midline of your body.

Why it works: This technique helps reorganize your body’s energy systems, particularly when they feel scattered or fragmented during distress.

How to do it: The complete Celtic Weave involves:

1. Cross your hands in front of you at the wrists
2. Interlace your fingers
3. Roll your hands inward toward your body and up under your chin
4. Continue lifting until your interlaced fingers rest on your chest
5. Take a deep breath
6. On the exhale, separate your hands and sweep them out and around your body as if tracing your energy field

A simplified version: Stand and cross your arms in front of you, hands on opposite shoulders. Then open your arms wide. Repeat this crossing and opening motion 5-7 times, breathing deeply.

For a complete demonstration, searching “Donna Eden Celtic Weave” on YouTube will provide visual guidance. Even the simplified crossing motion can be helpful when a full demonstration isn’t available.

Moving Toward Mental Regulation

10. Quick Sensory Grounding (5-4-3-2-1)

What it is: A technique that uses your five senses to anchor you to the present moment.

Why it works: When panic or flashbacks hijack your brain, sensory awareness redirects neural activity to the present instead of past trauma or future fears.

How to do it: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell (or like to smell), and 1 thing you can taste (or like to taste).

11. Box Breathing

What it is: A simple, structured breathing pattern.

Why it works: Controlling your breath directly influences your autonomic nervous system, telling your body it’s safe to relax. The counting gives your mind something to focus on besides fear.

How to do it: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat for at least 4 cycles.

12. Body Boundary Reinforcement

What it is: Physically reinforcing awareness of where your body begins and ends.

Why it works: During dissociation, your sense of physical boundary can blur. This exercise reestablishes those boundaries through touch and attention.

How to do it: Starting at your head, firmly trace the outline of your body with your hands. Apply pressure as you move down your face, neck, shoulders, arms, torso, legs, and feet. Say internally: “This is me. This is where I begin and end.”

13. Orienting Exercise

What it is: Deliberately looking around your environment for signs of safety.

Why it works: When your trauma response activates, you’re responding to danger that likely isn’t present now. This exercise helps your brain update its threat assessment.

How to do it: Slowly scan your surroundings, naming specific things that signal safety: “The door locks. I can leave anytime. No one can enter without my knowing. The floor is solid beneath me.”

14. Thought Defusion

What it is: Creating distance between yourself and distressing thoughts.

Why it works: This technique helps you recognize that thoughts aren’t reality and don’t require immediate action or belief, especially trauma-triggered thoughts.

How to do it: Notice a distressing thought and try one of these:

• Mentally prefix it with “I’m having the thought that…” or “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…”
• Imagine the thought written on water or clouds passing by
• Thank your mind: “Thanks, mind, for trying to protect me”
• If it feels appropriate (and only if it doesn’t feel dismissive of your experience), giving the thought a different voice can create helpful distance
• Visualize thoughts as leaves floating down a stream or text scrolling on a screen

15. Non-Gaslighting Affirmations

What it is: Brief, truthful statements that acknowledge both your distress and your capacity to move through it.

Why it works: Unlike toxic positivity or denial, these statements honor your experience while gently redirecting your focus toward resources and resilience.

How to do it: Repeat one of these (or create your own that feels true):

• “This feeling is temporary. I’ve survived it before.”
• “This feeling will pass.”
• “My body is trying to protect me. I am responding normally to abnormal experiences.”
• “I am here now, not then.”
• “I can feel this and still take the next breath.”
• “My nervous system is loud right now. I can listen without obeying.”

What May Be Counterproductive

Some common suggestions can actually make things worse when you’re in a trauma response:

1. Telling yourself to “calm down” or “get over it” Why it’s unhelpful: This creates internal conflict and shame, adding another layer of stress when your nervous system is already overwhelmed.

2. Complicated visualization exercises Why it’s unhelpful: When in high distress, complex mental tasks can be impossible to follow and create more frustration.

3. Deep breathing without other regulation first Why it’s unhelpful: If you’re hyperventilating or in panic, focusing only on breath can sometimes increase awareness of breathing difficulties and worsen anxiety.

4. Positive affirmations that deny your experience Why it’s unhelpful: Statements like “I am completely calm and at peace” when you’re neither calm nor at peace can create a sense of gaslighting yourself.

5. Staying completely still when your body wants to move Why it’s unhelpful: Sometimes trauma responses include excess energy that needs physical discharge.

Remember

These techniques aren’t about “fixing” you, because you aren’t broken. They’re tools to communicate with a nervous system that’s doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive. With practice, these resets can become automatic responses that help you navigate a world that sometimes feels overwhelming.

After using any technique, take a moment to notice any shifts in your body or mind. You might quietly ask yourself: “What do I notice now? What do I need next?” This simple check-in honors your experience and builds your self-awareness.

For more comprehensive approaches to healing, consider exploring trauma-informed therapy, somatic experiencing, trauma-sensitive yoga, or similar modalities that address trauma responses through both body and mind.

Bellamy splashed cold water on their face, did a quick butterfly hug, and took four box breaths. The buzzing sensation began to recede. They whispered to their reflection: “This feeling is temporary. I’ve survived it before.”

And they had. They always did. Bellamy stepped back into the diner, their breath steady now, ready for the next moment—one reset at a time.

Copyright Notice: This excerpt is from my forthcoming book. All content is © 2026 Worldwide Groove Corporation. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this material without permission is prohibited. Thank you for respecting my work. 😊

Photo Credit: Author – Additional Terms and disclaimers for images used in my posts on CPTSD Foundation.

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

Just the other night, I arrived at the edge of the driveway to pick up my 16-year-old son from his dad’s house. Now mind you, I say “dad’s house,” but we are not yet divorced so it’s technically the marital home because I’m on the deed and mortgage. It was exactly 7pm because that’s what the court order defined as my pickup time and I’m a girl who knows how to follow the rules. 

I waited. No sign of my son.

I adjusted my weathered grey bucket hat and smoothed out my custom designed t-shirt that my daughter created for me several years back when we were all still pretending to be a happy family: navy blue with a light blue heart over my chest and a Leigh Hunt quote on the back saying “The groundwork for all happiness is good health.”

After the longest five minutes of my life, my son marched down the front walk of the house I can’t get into followed by my daughter who is in college now. As the parent who left, they’ve come to perceive me as the bad parent even though I’ve been operating in the shadows to protect them: most recently, I prevented an unnecessary knee surgery that my ex was pushing on my son.

Yet, all I saw were deadened faces. Solemn shuffles. The essence of their personalities absent. As they approached, my daughter had her phone up videoing the whole event. 

A year ago, I hired a bankruptcy lawyer. Five months ago, the court ordered appropriate support payments and confirmed our 50-50 parenting plan. Then, the dam broke: It felt as though my estranged spouse claimed my son didn’t want to see me and stopped allowing pickups. More court battles began. That night, I sat at the driveway’s edge with another order defining pickup times, drop-off times, and my extra weeknight dinner on off weeks. 

Those ghost-like versions of my children curdled my stomach.

I rolled down the window to greet them. The cool breeze reminded me to take a deep breath. 

You’re okay. You got this.

Ever since I filed a police report against my spouse and left the marital home, I struggled with picking up my son. The bodily sensations that arose when I was anywhere near that home were almost too much. I’d been through numerous EMDR sessions and desensitization trainings with my therapist to execute what I politely called the “extraction.”

Now, not only did I have to deal with my potential dysregulation, but the forms approaching my car were not the children I’d raised to be loving and warm, compassionate and caring, absolutely extraordinary human beings. 

My handsome, athletic, strong of heart and strong of mind son stood back from my window, crossed his arms, and stated for the camera that I was “manipulative” and he was “scared.”

After I left my marriage, and started healing from my symptoms of C-PTSD, my dad said to me, “I didn’t know where you went, but I’m glad to have you back.” At the time, that sentence struck me: I hadn’t gone anywhere. What did he mean?

Over the past few years, I’ve realized that when you are undergoing subtle emotional abuse, you don’t know it’s happening. You are ever so slowly changing to the outside world, but only the people closest to you who have known you your whole life can perceive the change.  

I can tell you now that I felt my true self drifting away throughout my marriage and some other self replacing it. There was a darkness taking over my thoughts that I didn’t understand. I couldn’t share that darkness with the world, so my whole life became an act. 

I understand now that emotional manipulation rewires the brain. For me, it felt like white turned into black. Happy into sad. Good into bad. It even turned a happy, optimistic person determined to do good work in the world into someone suicidal. But that wasn’t the real me. That was an irrational thought. That was my rewired brain talking and I had to undo the rewiring.

C-PTSD deeply impacts your ability to interact with people since it often results from an extremely close relationship, someone you trusted. As you heal, your behavior is strange and you’re processing a lot of anger. You need people in your life who will still love you, even when they don’t understand why this happy-go-lucky person is now so embittered.

Luckily …

• I had a few close childhood friends ready to help me heal. I needed to reboot my real self, and they had the original source code.
• My parents came to my aid as well in the greatest display of unconditional love I’ve ever known.
• And my therapist, the woman who put the right label on my mental malaise, we’ve done critical work together to bring my psyche from a place of believing I was bad, broken, and unlovable, all the way back to better. 

My healing journey also included trauma-focused yoga, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, and a lot of natural supplements, journaling, reading and reflecting. My brain doctor was thrilled with my last set of SPECT scans. She’d seen thousands and she described the healing I’d achieved in only one year, “incredible.”

Now, I know I’ve rewired my brain back.

A loving marriage would never cause C-PTSD.

I’ve made peace with that. I am also proud of the work I’ve done to bring myself back. If you can believe it, I am grateful for what I have been through. The sun shines brighter. The air smells sweeter. Every moment is more precious than ever.

I have a dedicated therapist who promised me we’d discover the root cause of my mental health mess, and we did. I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my parents: a deeper, more meaningful connection than ever before. And, I know who my real friends are because they did not judge the person I appeared to be on the outside when I was suffering the most, they remembered who I was on the inside, and they helped me find her again.

Now it’s my turn to help.

Seeing my kids that way the other night meant that I am now healed enough to see C-PTSD in other people, but it also means that my children need to heal now too. I’m ready to be a therapist, a parent, and a good friend all wrapped into one.

I am the only one who has loved them unconditionally through spilled milk, temper tantrums, car accidents, and more. I am the only one who has observed them closely—with empathy and curiosity—and quietly questioned and actively listened to understand how they think, who they are, and where they want to go in life.

I am the only hope my children have of reclaiming their real selves and it’s time to turn the tide. 

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

I browse an old magazine, flip through some patterned papers, tear off some tissue paper, and imagine how these pieces fall into place. I go from feeling as though I have no control over anything to feeling complete as though I have complete agency over my actions. Now words are needed to express or to analyze how I am feeling. This is a nonverbal process that allows me to experience my emotions in a structured and safe way.

When words fail me in a journal, collage becomes my way of communication and processing without collapsing. The words come later when I am feeling more articulate and centered. 

Collaging a little bit every day has been beneficial to my mind, bringing peace to my nervous system. The activity of crafting gets me out of my head as someone who overthinks and easily becomes stuck in a creative block. When my brain becomes too blocked up with thoughts about perfection, the anxiety makes it harder to create.

Collaging gives me the freedom to glue anything I want to paper without overthinking. Additionally, when the stress from vulnerability factors throughout the day puts me in freeze mode,  a creative practice, especially collaging, helps me get out of that freeze. 

For the days when I’m so stuck in freeze that I can’t seem to find inspiration to collage, I find that watching YouTube videos of other people making art inspires me. In that situation, I sit with the video playing in the background while I make art. It’s as though I am making art with another person in the room.

In fact, if I can, I like to have friends over for crafting. Establishing a sense of community while making collage art is also one way that I ground my anxieties, dread, depression, and trauma symptoms. 

Collage also has the benefit of slowing me down when I’m overstimulated. If I sit down at my crafting space, take some slow deep breaths, and put on some slow music in the background, I am telling my body that it’s safe to slow down now. I may stare at a pile of paper scraps, slowly letting my fingers pass along the texture of each one, noticing the colors and patterns. Letting some ink, glue, or paint get on my fingers is extremely satisfying in the process, as well. This slowing-down process detangles my thoughts from mental constipation, opening up my creativity. 

As someone who struggles to name my strengths, I find collage an empowering tool that builds confidence in my artistic abilities.

I have a lot of trauma from my formative years in school, as I was a child who struggled academically early on. Teachers expressed disappointment, and my peers called me stupid. I even had one teacher call me stupid. So ever since then, I’ve carried these experiences with me into adulthood.

Recently, I’ve found collage to be a tool that empowers me to look at my work and feel good about it. It gives me the confidence to keep working in other creative outlets, such as painting, drawing, and writing. 

Being able to piece together a whole new image from a bunch of ripped-up images is like putting myself together after falling apart. It’s not only satisfying to rip, cut, glue, touch, and smell the materials. The tactile experience is both internal and external. When I come home from work feeling dysregulated, sitting down with a blank art journal page to create a collage creates a sense of warmth and safety within me.

In making collage, I am communicating with myself, externalizing my inner experiences so they don’t create more wounds.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

You can have an awesome day, and suddenly your brain goes into negative self-talk:

“You’re not good enough.”

“Everyone’s better than you.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

These kinds of thoughts happen to us all the time, and they can shatter our self-esteem and confidence.

In this article, I’m going to take you through some actions to challenge the negative thoughts that will have you back to confidence and self-belief in no time.

1. Reality check. Literally. I want you to challenge yourself. Those words that you heard in your head are only in your head. Not everyone else’s heads. Look around you and listen to what people are saying to you. What is the evidence of your negative thoughts? Is this fact or fiction?
2. Point of view. Think about your own perspective, your outlook on life. As humans, we have a tendency to elaborate on situations and make them bigger than they are. Think about your point of view: How will this negative thought affect you tomorrow? Next week? Next month? In a year from now? Is it really that bad? Is it likely to actually come true?
3. Support network. We are social creatures, and we need people in our lives. Sometimes when we have a problem, it can be helpful to get a second opinion from a trusted friend. “A problem shared is halved,” isn’t that how the saying goes?
4. Language. Think about how you are talking to yourself. Instead of putting yourself down by saying “I suck at algebra,” try telling yourself, “I’ve not mastered algebra yet, but I’m going to keep trying.”
5. Your happy place. Think about your strengths and hobbies. The things that make you happy. When you are feeling down, use those activities to build yourself up again. Listen to your favorite music. Go for a forest trail run, or a swim in the ocean. Your energy and smile will soon be playing on your lips again.

As a trauma survivor, negative thoughts are constantly with me. What I’ve learned is that I don’t have to listen to them. They are the product of the voices from my past, and when they threaten my reality, I fight tooth and nail to claim back my self-esteem.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Featured Image: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

Life doesn’t need to crash completely for you to feel “down on your luck.” A failed promotion, a work project that didn’t go as planned, or a missed opportunity can set you back months.

Maybe the boss is riding you each day for quicker results? Sometimes you just feel undervalued, and you want to throw in the towel.

When things at work feel tense, it’s hard to keep going, and you feel stuck. Sometimes your personal life blows up at the same time. Your husband might have a fall at work and earn himself an expensive trip to the ER.

Your kid breaks an arm at the wrong time of the month, and the insurance deductibles ramp up your spending. Anything can happen to turn a rainy day into a tropical storm.

The saying, “When life gives you lemons — make lemonade,” can leave a nasty aftertaste in your mouth. It’s easier said than done.

Many people live paycheck to paycheck, and it’s not easy to change jobs or routines when money is the driver behind our actions. There is no financial flexibility.

If something doesn’t feel right–then it probably isn’t. That nagging feeling inside tells us we need a change.

Are you paying attention to what your mind is telling you?

Think about your life, and what’s going on.

Are you happy at work? If the answer is no, consider your skills.

What are your strengths? Are you good with numbers, computers, people, or animals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Think about your ideal job.

What would you like to do for a living?

If your mind is telling you something different from where you work, then maybe you need to start looking for new opportunities.

Pause–Take a mental health day and relax. Where does your mind go when you allow yourself to daydream?

Breathe — deep breathing and yoga are fantastic for regulating your nervous system and unwinding.

Ponder–Think about what you want from your career. Where is your mind taking you?

Choose–Look for job openings and new opportunities. Research a business loan if you are considering starting up your own company.

Do–If you believe it, then you will achieve it. Go for it.

I’m an MFA student, and I will graduate this spring. I should have graduated last summer, but I was forced to delay due to life/work commitments. It turns out that I’m not superwoman, and working full-time while supporting my family is not conducive to studying as much as I want. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day if I want to sleep at some point. Other people in my MFA program can devote more time to their thesis research because they don’t work as much as I do. Some weeks, I’ve struggled to read everything on the reading lists and turn in weekly assignments. I’ve gotten good grades, but I wanted to do more.

Do you ever feel like you want more?

The turning point for me came a few months ago when someone on the program realized that I was under pressure, and asked me the questions that I posed at the beginning of this article.

How are you doing? How is life treating you at the moment? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Imagining yourself in your dream job can do miracles for your mental health. If you can believe that you can achieve your dreams, then you are halfway there. The first step is to believe that you can.

Just one small step.

Once you see a clear step towards your goal, the day-to-day doesn’t seem as demanding.

You can handle everything better because you know that “right now” is not forever.

Your mind is your greatest friend when you think positively about your life. If you start thinking negatively, your mind turns against you, and everything starts to feel very hard and challenging.

Keep your chin up. and think of your goals and dreams.

Where do you want to be in five years? What’s holding you back?

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Here are a few links to my articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Do I tell my parents?
Do they deserve to know what happened to me?
Would they believe me?
Would they hold it with care, or would it break me all over again?

If you’re here, standing in that in-between place, you’re not alone. This is one of the hardest crossroads survivors face. For some, the decision feels clear. For others, like me, it’s layered and ongoing.

Sometimes the abuse happened under your parents’ roof.
Sometimes it was hidden in plain sight.
And sometimes, you don’t even know if they know.

You might find yourself circling questions like:

• Do I owe them this truth?
• Will it bring healing or harm?
• What if they can’t hold it? What if they say the wrong thing, or nothing at all?
• What if I speak it and everything changes—or worse, nothing does?

The truth is, sharing your story with a parent is not required for healing. It is a choice. And like all sacred choices, it deserves time, care, and safety.

Ask Yourself These Questions First

Before deciding to disclose, here are a few grounding questions to sit with:

1. Why do I want to share this?
Is it for connection? Clarity? Validation? To reclaim power? To draw a boundary?
There is no wrong reason, but knowing your why can anchor you.

2. What do I hope will happen? What do I fear might happen?
Give yourself permission to answer both. Hope and fear can live side by side.

3. Have I processed this enough to hold steady if their response is hurtful, shocked, or dismissive?
If not, that’s okay. It may not be time yet.

4. Do I have support ready, a friend, therapist, or coach to debrief with afterward?
You are not meant to carry this alone, no matter how strong you are.

If You Do Choose to Share, Prepare Yourself First

Here are a few things that can help:

• Write down what you want to say.
  It can be a letter, a few bullet points, or a full narrative. Organizing your thoughts helps you stay grounded.
• Practice.
  Talk it through with someone you trust. Let your nervous system rehearse what it feels like to be witnessed.
• Set boundaries before the conversation.
  Say things like, “I just need you to listen right now,” or “I’m not looking for advice or debate.”
• Prepare for all outcomes.
  They may meet you with compassion, or they may not. Your truth is still valid.
• Have a plan for how to step away if needed.
  If things get overwhelming, you get to pause, end, or redirect the conversation.

And If You Decide Not to Tell Them? That’s Valid Too.

You do not owe anyone your story. Not even your family.

You can be deeply healing and wildly brave without ever telling your parents what happened.

Not telling doesn’t mean you’re hiding. It means you are choosing what is safest, kindest, and most aligned for you right now.

And if your answer changes later? That’s okay. This journey is not linear.

Final Thoughts

This part of your story, the telling, the not telling, the wondering, still belongs to you.

You don’t have to rush. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You get to honor your truth in whatever way feels right. You are not broken. You are becoming. And that is powerful.

As for me, I still haven’t shared my story with my parents.
They can’t even hold my warm memories without minimizing them, so I’ve chosen not to interrupt my peace just to be met with silence or dismissal. I may never get the response I would hope for, and that’s a grief I’ve learned to hold gently. For now, protecting my healing matters more than being understood by people who never truly saw me.

And maybe that’s the bravest choice of all.

Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

In October 2023, I was diagnosed with severe borderline personality disorder (BPD), which can be linked to complex trauma (CPTSD). For most people, getting diagnosed with a mental health disorder can be scary. But it offered me a moment of clarity. It was as if everything I struggled with finally made sense.

I realized why I felt so disconnected from myself, the world, and others, especially in times of high stress. Borderline personality disorder is linked to emotional trauma, which left me feeling disconnected from my body. I struggled with dissociation, emptiness, and emotional dysregulation. There were times when I lacked empathy or passion. My feelings often felt like they were “stuck” in survival mode. Either I acted out impulsively, or I felt apathetic.

My diagnosis was a light bulb moment. Over the years, therapists and counselors misdiagnosed me with mild depression and generalized anxiety. When I got diagnosed with BPD and complex trauma, I realized that I needed to reconnect with my body. To feel whole, I needed to feel at home with myself again. I was desperate to find ways to heal emotionally. In my healing journey, I came across grounding techniques.

The Importance of Grounding for Trauma Survivors

It was through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that I learned about grounding. This practice can help you get out of your mind and back into your body. Through grounding, you’ll learn how to escape your unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions, or memories in a safe and healthy manner. From there, you’ll ground yourself in the present moment. These techniques can be helpful for individuals with BPD and CPTSD.

Grounding is beneficial for those who suffer from anxiety or panic attacks associated with traumatic episodes. These techniques regulate the nervous system and make you feel safe within your body. You can use grounding techniques to escape overwhelming and distressing feelings anytime. They can be beneficial for those who struggle with the following:

• anxiety
• depression
• dissociation
• impulsive feelings
• mood
• stress

There are three types of grounding techniques for complex trauma:

• Mental grounding: Mindfulness exercises like body scan, breath awareness, and nature grounding.
• Physical grounding: Simply going for a walk or focusing on your five senses can help you become more aware of your surroundings.
• Soothing grounding: Notice the feelings in your body; listen to your breath and the sounds around you.

Technique 1: Somatic Shaking

The first time I heard about somatic shaking was on an episode of the Back from the Borderline podcast. This grounding technique involves shaking certain body parts to release stored energy or tension. It can be powerful for relieving stress and trauma, which gets stored in the body.

You might have heard the saying, “The body keeps the score,” dubbed by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Some experts recommend somatic shaking for five to 10 minutes per time. But you can do it for two to five minutes if you prefer. There are many different types of somatic shaking techniques. But here’s one way to do it every morning after waking up:

• Warm up or exercise beforehand.
• Gently shake your wrists and hands.
• Notice how your breath feels.
• Continue shaking for two to five minutes.

At first, you might feel silly doing somatic shaking. But it’s not about how you look. It’s about how you feel afterward. I shake my entire body, which makes me look like Napoleon Dynamite trying to dance. But I feel much better. The built-up tension and energy leave my body. You can also do it as often as you want throughout the day.

Technique 2: Mindfulness for Embodiment

Mindfulness is a concept I learned years ago, long before I was diagnosed with BPD. At the time, I was learning concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), some of which still help me to this day. Of course, as with all therapies, you should take what works and leave the rest.

Mindfulness allowed me to become more aware of my body. I no longer had to live in fear or fight-or-flight mode. For most of my life, I’ve felt uncomfortable about being in my body. I got used to being disconnected. Thanks to mindfulness, I could live in the present moment without fear.

It involves embodiment practices that help cultivate self-awareness, connection, self-regulation, and balance. Mindfulness is not just a mental practice. It’s a way of life. Embodied mindfulness practices allow you to release negative emotions and heal from trauma or unresolved issues.

Common mindfulness exercises include body scanning, deep breathing, and thought clouds. With continued practice, you’ll clear your mind and become more centered. Here are some simple ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life:

• Start by practicing with a guided meditation or breathing exercise.
• Journal your gratitude list or your negative thoughts or feelings.
• Incorporate meditation or yoga into your morning routine.
• Practice one mind in daily practice.
• Mindfully eat a meal or engage in a conversation.

Technique 3: The Five Deep Breaths Technique

Each morning, after I meditate, I practice the Five Deep Breaths Practice from the Whole Being Institute. This is a revolutionary take on the “Three Deep Breaths” technique by martial arts expert Thomas Crum. This practice was extended to five deep breaths. However, you’re free to make it all your own. Modify this practice to make it work for you.

Here are the guidelines for this practice:

• Take your first deep breath and breathe out.
• Take your second breath and express what you’re grateful for. (Example: “I’m grateful for the sunshine,” or “I’m grateful for my health.”)
• Take a third deep breath and focus on how you want to show up today. (Example: “Today I will be mindful,” or “Today I will be peaceful.”)
• Take a fourth deep breath and consider how you want to portray your ideal self. Who or what do you want to be? (Example: “I am a mindful individual who lives in the present moment.”
• Take a fifth and final deep breath in and out to finish.

How do you feel? I love using this technique every morning. It makes me feel better than I do when I first wake up. Not only does it relieve anxiety, but it also heals trauma, depression, and emotional distress. It can also help you focus and maintain your moods. I would consider trying this technique once a day, at least in the mornings.

How These Techniques Changed My Healing Journey

Grounding transformed my relationship with my body. It allowed me to reconnect with myself and become whole again. But it’s only a part of the healing process. Healing itself is a journey. As always, start where you are. Only choose one or two practices to start with. Stick to what works and disregard the rest.

Conclusion

Remember, reconnecting with your body can take time. It’s okay if you need to go at your own pace. Healing is a race, not a sprint. There’s no need to cross the finish line. It’s a journey that you make all your own.

You’re not alone in your journey. I have struggled like you and found freedom through these practices. You can always come back home to yourself. Have you tried any of the techniques? Share your experience in the comment section below.

Photo by Clint McKoy on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

While it may be hard to see beyond the pain when seeking help – this is exactly where the evolution toward healing begins. If you are a complex trauma survivor considering therapy, here’s what we’d like you to know about the healing process.

At Brickel & Associates, we embrace a trauma-informed, three-stage approach to care — although these stages (like people and relationships) are not entirely linear. Let’s explore what healing looks like in action.

Milestone 1: Asking for help is self-care.

Even before therapy begins, reaching out for support is taking the first step toward healing.  It is creating a safe space dedicated to your well-being – solely focused on your care, growth, and healing.

It is a powerful reminder that you matter. You deserve to have a safe space for yourself, a place where your needs are heard and respected.  Noticing you matter – deserving of self-care. That first step is a foundational part of the process.

Milestone 2: Building Safety Through the Therapeutic Relationship

For many survivors of complex trauma, a safe and stable relationship may never have been experienced before—especially one where someone shows up consistently with care and respect. Over time, the relationship between a trauma survivor and the therapist begins to serve as an example of what a safe and stable relationship can look like—safety in human connection.

This process takes time, as trust doesn’t come easily, particularly for those who have experienced abuse, betrayal or neglect in the past. As therapists demonstrate consistency, safety, and reliability, trust begins to form.  Gradually, trauma survivors begin to experience that people can be consistent. They can show up for you. They can genuinely care about your well-being. They can do what they say they will do.

While an individual may have grown up with disorganized attachment (and have resulting  Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), the therapeutic relationship can serve as a model for establishing healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and self-care.  Through this dynamic, a trauma survivor learns that relationships can foster growth rather than reinforce the belief that relationships are a source of pain.

The work toward safety and stability (stage one of trauma healing) includes reducing the use of harmful (maladaptive) coping skills – leading to choices for sobriety, healthy eating, emotional regulation, healthy movement, boundaries, self-care, and compassion in trauma-informed therapy.  The therapeutic relationship is built upon the foundation that all trauma survivors’ experiences and coping mechanisms make sense, given their history.  They are met with compassion and care.  The goal is not to judge or invalidate; it is to create space for healthier coping strategies to take root – strategies that will replace maladaptive patterns with ones that support the present-day reality. 

Milestone 3: Experiencing Safety in the Body.

As trust and safety deepen within the therapeutic relationship, the process of healing becomes more tangible.  The experience of building a safe relationship that supports healing is not easy. Some of the work together is hard! Exploring painful relationships, difficult past experiences, and coping mechanisms can be challenging. It is not uncommon for survivors to encounter discomfort as they expand their emotional capacity. 

Noticing this process fosters healing. A key part of trauma recovery is the widening of the window of tolerance – the ability to manage and remain grounded through emotional distress.  As this window grows, individuals begin to notice that they can handle what’s happening in the present moment – they can stay grounded and present and be ok – having support along the way. 

This expansive forward movement allows for a space that is further away from what was just F.I.N.E (an acronym from the recovery community and popularized by an Aerosmith song) or tolerated before, to a new understanding of what safety is. As growth and healing happen, and a person’s window of tolerance widens, trauma can be processed, and life can get better.

With increased emotional regulation, a trauma survivor can begin to experience safety in their own body. They learn that they alone own their body and control who has access to it. This newfound sense of autonomy marks a significant milestone in the healing process.  Along with this empowered sense of self comes the freedom to express one’s voice, make choices, and create healthy boundaries—tools essential for maintaining safety and well-being in the present.

The integration of safety, stability, and trust developed during therapy supports the survivor in seeing the depth of their own resilience and capacity for growth.

Milestone 4: The safety expands out of the therapy room — to other relationships.

When you start to feel safer and more stable in yourself, now you can take that safety outside the therapy room and further into the life you are building. Perhaps it starts small: Saying hello to a new neighbor or that person who works on your floor that you think is cute — or even going to a support group, where you might practice your skills with a few more people. Maybe you start reaching out a little more — letting people in a little more, as you’re noticing that not all people are hurtful. You start to recognize the helpers, see the healing power of healthy relationships, and grow more comfortable with being vulnerable.

As trauma survivors experience healing, they begin to form new, healthier relationships built on trust and mutual support.  These relationships not only contribute to their well-being, but they also create a network of support that is essential for continued healing.  As they open up to others, they grow more connected, less isolated, (because people struggle to heal when isolated), and more resilient.  Ultimately, they realize they are not alone. The support system built helps to ground and nourish.  There is a home base, and that home base becomes you!

Milestone 5: Ongoing Healing and Growth

The healing journey doesn’t stop once the initial milestones are reached.  The window of tolerance continues to expand, allowing survivors to access new resources and skills, including the ability to ask for help and even to allow that support to occur. The trauma endured continues to be processed, and survivors learn to integrate the past into a new, empowered narrative that starts to become their life today.  Healing is not a destination – it’s a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.  We are always healing!

If you’re ready to explore the healing potential of therapy, and you’re local to Alexandria, please reach out to our office.  We are here to support you toward the healing and peace you deserve.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Movement journalling is an experience of a relationship inside the body. I roll my shoulder and say, “This is my ‘Rice Krispies Pose’—Snap! Crackle! Pop!” I make light of this new language that I lack words for, although it has a name: interoception.

I consider Khayyam again. “Poets lie. This is important.” I feel something reliable in these words, but I don’t know what. Trauma-Informed Yoga (TIY) instructor Mindy Levine reacted.

“I wanted to stretch up, open arms, reading this,” she said.

Body-Brain Conversations: inside and outside your nervous system

“It sounds like your body’s response to my brain’s output,” I said.

“Yes…’Poets lie. This is important. I think when folks believe something as ‘truth,’ it’s without room to change perspective; it’s so limiting. I don’t think poetry or movement has a responsibility to truth. Neither reason nor logic are hinged on truth.”

This shocks me in several ways, and musical memory intercedes. “But what is truth? Is truth unchanging law? We both have truths—are mine the same as yours?” sang Pilate in Jesus Christ Superstar. Andrew Lloyd Weber’s lyrics challenge the notion of One Truth.

I don’t like the idea that truth isn’t absolute reality, and for the same reason, I don’t like the notion of “moral relativism.” It sounds like anything can be justified if it serves personal convenience. I long for a standard. Mindy’s next remark helps.

“Am I Doing This Right?”

“Often, ‘truth’ gets connected with, ‘am I doing this right,’” she said. “It’s so…limiting.”

Biomechanics, one of her interests, would appear to be limiting, too, I think.

“My practice with yoga evolved into a fascination with biomechanics.” I look puzzled. “It’s laying the groundwork for personalizing yoga to the person, not the pose.”

Oh.  Trauma-informed yoga rejects the perfect pose and, with it, the power to declare whether a given body is “wrong.”  That judgment is about someone else’s body, from a brain that doesn’t inhabit it…and from an entitlement that doesn’t exist unless we, the students, give it away. The movement is the perfect expression of truth for the person making it.

Trauma-informed yoga finds power in the body that moves, not in the mind that judges nor the critic that watches. Authority belongs to the body and the ongoing conversation it has with its own brain. In a typical Western yoga class, authority rests outside the body-brain system you have and awards it to the critic who can’t feel the difference between pain and growth in your body. And who will tell you that “pain is your friend”—as my Aikido instructor remarked—and that the perfect pose is The Truth? Being the author of a good throw changes a reality, but it’s not “true.” It changes what is true.

Maybe truth must be relevant if it is to matter. That’s subjective, but “relevance” describes when that particular truth matters. Something could be true but inapplicable to your body.

What Does Your Body Want Now?

“What does your body want now?” Mindy remarked. “Stillness? If stillness isn’t comfortable, then movement. Movement’s purpose is to open more possibilities for movement. But it isn’t a reason for movement. It just is.”

“A body in motion wants to stay in motion,” I said. “A body at rest wants to stay at rest.” I chuckle. “Unless it’s like yours. You like motion.”

Mindy laughs. “It’s conversational. If a situation has left me doubtful or unsure, I explore balancing. If a situation has left me panicky, I lift weights.” She pauses. “That’s not advice.”  Even in this conversation, the subject-matter expert declines the authority to declare what I should do. I appreciate this. The approach applies to much more than yoga—it attacks the whole idea of entitlement, of authority delegated to someone else, or taken by someone else, over me or you. The root of trauma. The thing that brings us here.

An Invitation to the Dance: Biles, Ballet, and Basketball

“Dancers may be more interoceptively aware.” Mindy looks up a study. “Dancers are often expected to work while injured. It’s an ideal and a culture.” I frown. Lipizzaner horses dance, but if anyone ever tried to force these Spanish School horses perform (Lipizzaner Stallions | Videos | Viking Cruises (vikingrivercruises.com) injured, the persons responsible would be shunned, shamed, and prosecuted for animal cruelty.

“Gymnastics, too.” I think of Simone Biles, of her experience of “the twisties.” A gymnast who doesn’t know where she is in space, moving at the speed of Olympians, could kill herself landing badly. And yet the rage directed at Biles for daring to self-care, to assert her own authority over her own body, was astonishing, infuriating. People who don’t get off the couch felt entitled to attack her for failing to entertain them. Football players get carried off the field and fallen basketball players get huddled even by members of the other team. Horses get cared for. But not gymnasts?

The gymnastics audience doesn’t own, train, or even know Simone Biles. And that yoga instructor tapping your elbow into “position” may have injured you to get a perfect pose that will get broken in a moment’s move, and pain you for days.

I wince. I want to get happier. “Did you see that Chicago news story about the black cat who fell five stories and was video-recorded landing on its feet and walking away?”

“That’s interoception.”

“And the feline spine’s extra vertebrae.”

What Yoga is for: Ethical Living

“Yoga is about you,” Mindy said. “Yoga is not ‘to feel better.’ It’s not outcome-based. It’s about being in your own life, it’s about being in charge of yourself, it’s about being autonomous. It doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen to you. It means they don’t have to define how you think about your choices in the Now.” I consider this. The event may have removed a choice for me, but I don’t have to think of myself exclusively in the context of that event. Now it is history, and while it may change my choices, it doesn’t take away my ability to make choices. It’s not as if I have died. It’s acknowledging that I have changed, and the change is reflected in my current choices. How I look at my history—my judgment—my interpretation—it can change how I choose to apply the events and what I learned from those events.

“Trauma is what happens when autonomy is taken away,” I say, slowly.

Mindy nods. “Yoga is ethical living: not investing authority outside of your body, over your body.” Despite what happens.

Related Reading

Yoga and journalling: Svādhyāya, or the “Study of the Self” talks about how writing and yoga can mutually reinforce body-brain conversation. Especially good for those who feel compelled to write about yoga while doing yoga. (Did I do this? Yes. Yes I did.)

Moving the body moves the mind: the movements you choose in yoga can tell you something about how you’re changing. Citta vritti, the thought-eddies of your head, can be monitored, showing you how you and your thoughts are separate.

Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash

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