Rape Crisis: England and Wales give the following statistics: Between October 2022 and September 2023: 1 in 4 women (6.54 million in total) have been raped or sexually assaulted;
1 in 6 children have been sexually abused;
1 in 18 men (1.34 million in total) have been raped or sexually abused – as adults.

On the 15th of March 2024, Rape Crisis published the following article: Alarming scale of sexual violence and abuse on mental health wards. It reads: “These investigations have uncovered deeply concerning incidents and safeguarding failures within mental health inpatient settings – almost 4,000 sexual safety ‘incidents’ were reported between January and August 2023, perpetrated by a combination of professionals and fellow patients. We commend the enormous courage and tenacity of the survivors who came forward to speak about their experiences of sexual harassment, rape and sexual abuse, raising awareness of this issue.”

Charlotte Lynch, for LBC, wrote, on January 2024: 139 Met officers reinvestigated for rape and sexual abuse after being allowed to keep their jobs. “They  (The Operation Onyx  Team) checked 1,418 officers and 218 staff for missed investigative opportunities, which resulted in 139 live rape and sexual abuse investigations now being dealt with by the Domestic Abuse and Sexual Offences team.” 

Vikram Dodd, Police and crime correspondent for The Guardian, on Fri 9 Feb 2024: Met officers dissuaded children from making sexual abuse claims, report finds “Other failures listed in the damning official report include blaming children for ‘making poor choices’ Metropolitan police officers tried to put off children from making complaints about alleged sexual abuse and privately blamed young people for crimes suffered, a damning official report has revealed. Most investigations into child exploitation were rated as inadequate by His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC). Of the 244 cases it examined, 43 were graded as good, more than half (121) as inadequate and 80 as needing improvement.”

On the 3rd if September 2023, Ed Thomas – Special Correspondent – published on BBC News: Family courts: Children forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse. It reads: “Dozens of children have been forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse, a study has found. In some cases in the research, revealed for the first time by the BBC, the fathers were convicted paedophiles. In all cases, fathers had used a disputed concept in court known as “parental alienation”. The heartbreaking stories in the article demonstrate the little support found by protective mothers/parents, who are further abused by ex-partners and by the judicial system, separating them from their children and destroying lives instead of protecting them.
On the 17th of April 2024, Sanchia Berg, for BBC News, wrote:  Paedophiles could be stripped of parental rights under a new law

Speaking to BBC News, “Ms Harman said paedophiles who were guilty of that crime in the future would be “automatically deprived” of their parental rights.”  This is long overdue and needs to be implemented as soon as possible.

All these statistics and figures are just the tip of the iceberg. They certainly don’t reflect the profound damages (in mind, body and spirit) rape and sexual abuse/assault have on victims. For the last few years. There have been a few scandals relating to “celebrities” and individuals regarded as “powerful” and “hiding in plain sight.” Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, Epstein, Dan Schneider, Jimmy Saville. The list is endless. The same pattern occurs when those public figures are pulled out of the shadows, victims are treated as liars and publicly shamed: “Why did the victims speak sooner?” or “Instead of talking to journalists, why not go to the police?” Victims go to the police, and victims speak out (loud and clear), but they are the ones being relentlessly bullied: “Did you say NO?” – “Did you make it clear you didn’t want to?” “S/he/they are too powerful. Nobody will believe you.” – “It is just the s/he/they are! Let it go.”

Let’s not let the “high profile cases” make us forget all the children and adult victims and survivors in danger of sexual assault on a daily basis, at home, by a parent, a sibling, a family member, the church Priest, or the Scout coach. Perpetrators are everywhere. They are skilled liars and groom everyone around them to hide their dirty secrets, but it is clear that there is always some “rumour” or at least one person notices something but brushes it under the carpet. It isn’t that they are hiding in plain sight, it is that too many people know, but turn a blind eye.

The focus on prevention is missing the mark. Whilst educating children about personal and physical space and boundaries, “No, you can’t touch me there.” – “No, I don’t want to. Stop this” is important; it places the responsibility on the victims to stop the abuse when they, often, are too young to understand what is done to them and too young to defend themselves against an adult. The same goes for adults, especially women; “Don’t go home late and alone. Don’t listen to music when walking. Don’t wear this or that” and, again, the famous: “Make sure you make it clear: No is No” A rapist doesn’t care what a victim does or says.

A reminder: the only person entirely at fault is the abuser.

So, what needs to be done – beyond lovely slogans, #s, and prevention?

Education is needed to break all victims’ shaming and blaming myths.

Victims (big and small, and all genders) need safe places to go to and loving, supportive people around them. They need someone who holds space for all their emotions and experiences. They need to be heard.
They need professionals who do their job properly, defending them and holding the perpetrators to account.
Allies – non-abusive parents and carers – must be included in children’s care and safety plan and supported alongside their children.
Regardless of status, position of “authority”, bank accounts sizes, ALL PEPETRATORS should be arrested and face the consequences of their actions.
Law and legislation need to be changed so that supportive and protective parents can keep their children with them.

There is much to do and to be changed. Oftentimes, it feels hopeless.

Take gentle care of yourselves.

Sylvie

Helpful websites:

WE STAND: “Child sexual abuse affects the whole family. It can fracture family relationships and creates lasting trauma. We Stand takes a unique whole family approach to supporting victims of child sexual abuse and their non-abusing parents, carers, and siblings. We aim to ensure that all families impacted by child sexual abuse are supported to move on positively with their lives.”
Helping Survivors: “Our goal is to help people who have been impacted by sexual assault and abuse get the resources and assistance they need and deserve.”

The Survivors Trust – to find support in your local area

Sylvie Rouhani

Writer – Blogger – Poet – Mental Health and Child Abuse Activist

Deputy Editor and Journalist for Taxpayers Against Poverty

Author of The Blossoming Lotus”

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/blossoming-lotus

New Website: Breaking The Cycles

https://breakingthecycles.co.uk/

breakingthecycles.co.uk

“I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”― Augusten Burroughs, “Dry”

All of us feel lonely from time to time. Whether it comes from a change of circumstances (moving, new job, kids leaving home) or is entirely innate, dealing with loneliness is a delicate yet arduous task. 

Acknowledging Loneliness

One of the hardest life lessons is examining your subconscious behaviors. While acknowledging your level of loneliness can be daunting, it remains the key to finding meaningful connections in life. 

Dr. Ramon Diaz, a practicing clinician and guest CPTSD Foundation author, explains:

“Loneliness is generally seen as a mood, not a trait. Moods have physiological and psychological features and properties. According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5-TR), loneliness is generally associated with other symptoms that make up the symptomology for clinical depression.” 

“A dopamine imbalance influences loneliness,” states Dr. Diaz who usually employs some of the following treatments:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Traditional talk therapy can be beneficial as it can focus on the generalized feeling of loneliness and its root cause. Finding mental health can be burdensome, however, with a recent mirage of therapists executing appointments online, it is as easy as ever to secure therapy.
• Identify an “emotional support person/group: Loneliness is influenced by symptoms of depression like hopelessness, low self-worth, and isolated-related behaviors. Allowing yourself the support of this person/group provides a real-world outlet and can be beneficial in understanding subconscious thoughts. 
• Create Mindfulness: A beginner yoga class and meditation can help enhance your calm. 
• Limit Screen Time: 30 minutes per day or less.

There are other ways to stave off loneliness, here are 15 tips supplied by the Mental Health Foundation: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/unlock-loneliness/15-things-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely

Bridge Meaningful Connections

You may have to step out of your “comfort zone” to combat loneliness successfully to create meaningful connections. Some people don’t feel comfortable in social settings, but that is okay. Consider one small step; forget about going from zero to sixty in moments. Being apprehensive is normal and healthy, as some folks have had negative social experiences in the past that linger. Consider these tips to bridge authentic and meaningful connections. 

• Be you: if you are going to take a chance, leave the facade behind
• Make eye contact, present relaxed body language 
• Practice gratitude and empathy: build around these transformative behaviors in earnest when you connect
• Listen intently to help understand, ask questions, and realize sometimes silence is better than a reply
• Volunteer: Helping others is a great way to meet like-minded people, and provides an invaluable public service 

Has loneliness affected your life? Any recommendations on how you have dealt with loneliness? Join the conversation by commenting.

(Photos from Unsplash)

Paul Michael Marinello

Paul Michael Marinello serves as Chief Staff Writer and Blog Manager for CPTSD Foundation. Previous to this role he managed North American Corporate Communications at MSL, a top ten public relations firm where he also served on the board for Diversity & Inclusion for a staff of 80,000. Paul Michael grew up in New York and attended SUNY Farmingdale before starting a ten-year career at Columbia University. He also served as Secretary and Records Management Officer for the Millwood Fire District, appointed annually by an elected board of fire commissioners from 2008 – 2017.

“Loneliness corresponds to a discrepancy between an individual’s preferred and actual social relations (Peplau & Perlman, 1982). This discrepancy then leads to the negative experience of feeling alone and/or the distress and dysphoria of feeling socially isolated even when among family or friends (Weiss, 1973)”

When discussing loneliness, it is important to realize that several unique types can afflict people at almost any time. Let’s review the most prominent four of them.

Emotional Loneliness: 

Emotional loneliness often refers to a lack of an attachment figure or reasonable, meaningful relationships. This often presents in people who have a social structure around them, however, they still feel isolated. As mentioned in an earlier post, an intriguing fine line intersects emotional loneliness and the presence of choice. 

Social Loneliness: 

Social loneliness refers to the lack of relationships of social contact and support. Those mired in this type of loneliness feel the quality of their social connections is lacking. It is quite often for teens and young adults to experience social loneliness, particularly when struggling to be part of a specific social group.

Situational Loneliness: 

Sometimes referred to as transient loneliness, it is simply a feeling of loneliness that isn’t present in everyday life. Examples include frequent uprooting to new homes, altering one’s friend circle, or, as Dr. Alison Cook explained, “the type of loneliness that strikes one as a result of a unique change in circumstances.” 

Chronic Loneliness: 

On the opposite side of situational, sits chronic loneliness, an uncomfortable social isolation that extends for long periods. 

In many of these scenarios, the word lack appears several times. It is no surprise that humans are social creatures. We, subconsciously yearn to be together, to communicate, to love, to listen, and to be acknowledged. 

What Led to All of This Loneliness? 

According to a recent American Psychiatric Association poll, 30 percent of adults say they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once per week with 10 percent saying they were lonely every day. 

While it is impossible to find the root of how loneliness became the epidemic today, several cultural impacts have exacerbated it.

Expansion and mobilization have had significant impacts on loneliness. In the 1800s, as American emigrants trekked westward, population centers diminished, breaking up families/social bonds and spreading people coast to coast in a relatively short time. Mass casualty events, most notably wars have resulted in more than a million American deaths. The COVID epidemic, particularly at its onset while many people were purposely isolated for health reasons had a sizeable impact on loneliness. COVID also led to over one million American deaths.

And, perhaps the worst culprit – technology

Technology has made it easier to communicate, work, travel, and find movie showtimes and sports scores, among thousands of other uses. Because there are no statutory guardrails on technology usage, specifically social media, it can be hard to delineate where the benefits outweigh the pitfalls. We are not taught that technology/social media is addictive; much the same as nicotine, alcohol, and gambling.

Dr. Ramon Diaz, mental health professional and guest author adds: “Recently, psychologists discovered through empirical studies while using FMRI scans cognitive impairments associated with screen use. The phrase that recently has been encoded based on some of these studies is digital amnesia. Amnesia is simply not remembering that an event(s) occurred as a child reviews autobiographical memories. This means children’s prefrontal cortex- the part of the brain that activates when using critical thinking skills- is not meeting developmental biomarkers. I see this digital amnesia more often when I work with kids.”

According to the CDC:

(8 – 10) year old children spend about 6 hours a day in front of a screen using entertainment media (approximately 4 hours on television);
(11 – 14) year old children spend about 9 hours a day in front of a screen using entertainment media (approximately 5 hours on television);
(15 – 18)  year old children spend about 7.5 hours a day in front of a screen using entertainment media (approximately 4.5 hours on television);
Adults 18 and over average about 7 hours per day

It provides a statistic that is beyond comprehension. If the average American sleeps about 7 hours per night and spends 7 hours using technology, more than 60% of your life is spoken for before you even make a choice.

And the result of this tech usage?

Most studies conclude with the same analysis: the extensive use of technology is associated with a decline in participants’ communication with family members, a decrease in their social circle, and an increase in depression and loneliness. Many experts believe that constant access to social media and technology, in general, can prevent us from making or keeping meaningful social connections.

Dr. Diaz continued, “Social media, according to Johnathan, the leading social psychologist in the United States, is increasing depression and anxiety among children and adolescents at alarming rates. Haidt also argues that girls under the age of 16 years are being impacted worse. His review of the social psychology research says that girls and eating disorders are increasing. With the prefrontal cortex not developing properly, children cannot inhibit natural compulsions and aggressive behaviors that arise during adolescence.”

—> NEXT MONDAY, 3/25/2024: In part 3 of this series, we will discuss ways to avoid loneliness and live a more connected life. 

Paul Michael Marinello

Paul Michael Marinello serves as Chief Staff Writer and Blog Manager for CPTSD Foundation. Previous to this role he managed North American Corporate Communications at MSL, a top ten public relations firm where he also served on the board for Diversity & Inclusion for a staff of 80,000. Paul Michael grew up in New York and attended SUNY Farmingdale before starting a ten-year career at Columbia University. He also served as Secretary and Records Management Officer for the Millwood Fire District, appointed annually by an elected board of fire commissioners from 2008 – 2017.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” — Mother Teresa

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) defines loneliness as a distressing feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one’s social relationships. 

On June 14, 2022, The American Medical Association (AMA) published a press release that outlined the launch of the new 988 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a 24-hour hotline with mobile crisis teams on the ready for dispatch. The number replaces the 1-800 number previously used for such emergencies. 

In their press release, the NIH also recognizes “loneliness as a public health issue and [supports] evidence-based efforts to combat loneliness.” In addition, the NIH continues:

With extensive research showing evidence of the strong causal relationship between social relationships and longevity, the AMA adopted policy…identifying loneliness as a public health issue that impacts people of all ages. The new policy also supports evidence-based efforts to combat loneliness. Studies show that loneliness is not only a significant predictor of functional decline and premature death similar to, or exceeding, the risk from obesity, but loneliness in adolescence is associated with impaired sleep, symptoms of depression, and poorer health in general. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness is a public health issue that predates, but has been intensified by, the COVID-19 pandemic.

To add, AMA Board Member Ilse R. Levin, D.O., M.P.H. confirmed that “Loneliness is a public health issue that can negatively impact people of all ages. However, [since the COVID pandemic,] younger generations are experiencing more loneliness than older generations, and it’s important that we take steps to combat it.”

Dr. Ramon Diaz, a clinical mental health practitioner, and guest author here at CPTSD Foundation, also shared the following:

The presentation of ‘loneliness’ symptoms is complex in a person. The emotional experience of loneliness for many patients is unbearable. In a recent empirical study, the results conveyed that people experience symptoms of ‘dread, rumination, low motivation to complete daily tasks, and…gut health problems’ due to experiencing chronic loneliness.

Sitting Was The New Smoking – Now it’s Loneliness

Over the decades, the messaging on nicotine has been clear. Nicotine addiction results in death. The latest data suggests approximately fifteen percent of Americans use nicotine daily, equal to about fifty million people. 

The stats on loneliness are far worse.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, thirty percent of Americans, about 1 in 3, have experienced loneliness in the past year. That math equates to about 115,000,000 Americans, all of whom are as susceptible (if not more susceptible) to an array of diseases: 

• Heart disease and stroke
• Type 2 diabetes
• Depression and anxiety
• Addiction
• Suicidality and self-harm
• Dementia
• Earlier death

In 2023, The U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, published “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” as part of the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. This compelling report is a call to action for all who wish to solve the problem of this under-exposed epidemic.  

Differences Between Loneliness and Isolation

While the two are invariably connected, there are a few differences between loneliness and isolation.

According to the NIH, loneliness is the distressing feeling of being alone or separated. Social isolation is the lack of social contacts and having few people to interact with regularly.

Therefore, loneliness is a mindset or an emotional state. While we can sometimes strive to be alone to reconcile our thoughts or clear our heads, this scenario doesn’t truly constitute loneliness as we feel connected to people and things around us. Isolation, or more predominantly social isolation, allows for a level of decision-making, subconscious or not.

Dr. Diaz adds that “loneliness cannot be treated, simply by ‘talk therapy.’ More recent research shows that loneliness has both physiological and biological effects. Body-based therapy approaches are equally as important as talk therapy modalities.”  Moreover, Dr Diaz distinguishes that “the ‘felt sense’ of being heard and validated in therapy is vital for a patient to experience.” Furthermore, he acknowledges that “loneliness is usually influenced by someone’s attachment system, which is how the brain is wired before the age of 6, a wiring that informs people throughout their lives in terms of what relationships stand for.” 

If you are dealing with extended periods of loneliness, consider speaking with a mental health professional to discuss your concerns. Long-term loneliness (or isolation) is a serious health issue that should not be ignored.

—> NEXT MONDAY 3/18/2024: In part 2 of this series, we will examine the evolution of and the different types of loneliness.

Paul Michael Marinello

Paul Michael Marinello serves as Chief Staff Writer and Blog Manager for CPTSD Foundation. Previous to this role he managed North American Corporate Communications at MSL, a top ten public relations firm where he also served on the board for Diversity & Inclusion for a staff of 80,000. Paul Michael grew up in New York and attended SUNY Farmingdale before starting a ten-year career at Columbia University. He also served as Secretary and Records Management Officer for the Millwood Fire District, appointed annually by an elected board of fire commissioners from 2008 – 2017.