• Gaslighting of the child(ren)
• Covert (sometimes overt) narcissistic abuse
• Denigration
• False claims
• Limiting and/or cutting communication

• The child may choose to break away from their abuser, and;
• Have the daunting task of reestablishing their relationship with a parent who has become a stranger to them

Paul Michael Marinello

Paul Michael Marinello serves as Chief Staff Writer and Blog Manager for CPTSD Foundation. Previous to this role he managed North American Corporate Communications at MSL, a top ten public relations firm where he also served on the board for Diversity & Inclusion for a staff of 80,000. Paul Michael grew up in New York and attended SUNY Farmingdale before starting a ten-year career at Columbia University. He also served as Secretary and Records Management Officer for the Millwood Fire District, appointed annually by an elected board of fire commissioners from 2008 – 2017.

Those days have come to an end.

It is unnatural for a child to reject a loving parent in the absence of abuse, trauma, or neglect.

This simple yet practical behavior was steadfastly rooted in the guilt, grief, and shame that clouds an alienated parent’s mind. Opening oneself to those conversations epitomized a fight or flight trigger – neither of which was a healthy choice. The guilt of tragically losing a child who is still alive but is abused to believe the targeted parent has no value in their life. The grief of the loss – where a loving relationship once stood became emptiness. The shame that somehow the mistakes I had made as a parent had some negative effect on my child’s life led to the death of the parent/child relationship. Then there is the unspoken trauma that burns like midnight oil when I’m trying to sleep – how are others judging me? It is unnatural for a child to reject a loving parent in the absence of abuse, trauma, or neglect.

I suffered for months with the agony that no parent ever expects. Something so foreign and strange. Something irreversible. 

I had known in the past, through a series of actions and behaviors from the alienating parent, that maintaining a solid relationship with my daughter was the most important thing I could foster. I did believe that the bond was unbreakable despite clearly seeing patterns of abuse, parental alienation, and covert narcissism oozing from the alienating parent. This was not slow and progressive like sap from a tree. This narcissistic abuse flowed like a levee breach – inundating all aspects of the narcissist’s life – and everyone in it.

Make no mistake. I am an alienated parent, and I have suffered significant loss. However, I have chosen to use that loss to take action and help as many people in the alienated community as possible—one conversation at a time.

Over the years, I have learned two essential truths:

1. There is absolutely nothing I could have said or done to stop my child from being alienated from me;
2. The only way to live my best life is to discuss the taboo subject it is openly

We must open up and talk about this treacherous family disease. We must remember it is generational and passed down through family systems. Discussing it is the only way it becomes un-taboo and brings it out of the shadows. Our collective voices may not be all healing; however, they serve as a roadmap to find solace within the walls of alienation. We can better ourselves with support, empathy, and camaraderie. A reminder to all alienated parents: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

On Tuesday, October 1st, 2024, the CPTSD Foundation will launch the PASS Program: Parental Alienation Support Systems. This group will be held on Zoom every Tuesday evening at 6 p.m. EST and is open to any alienated parent (and other family). These meetings will be a forum for all alienated parents to talk a little about their situations, feel less alone and more connected, and focus on strategies for understanding and self-care. We will not provide individual advice – the group is meant to be self-sustaining, fueled by your shares.

Personally, the loss of my daughter doesn’t quite sting as much as the child abuse she has endured for years from narcissistic and child abuse. It’s nothing short of tragic, and sets up another generation of alienation.  

• Tracing the Family Dynamic
• The Necessity of Self-Care
• Exploring Narcissistic Abuse
• Gaslighting
• Trauma-Bonding
• The Loss of a Living Child

Paul Michael Marinello

Paul Michael Marinello serves as Chief Staff Writer and Blog Manager for CPTSD Foundation. Previous to this role he managed North American Corporate Communications at MSL, a top ten public relations firm where he also served on the board for Diversity & Inclusion for a staff of 80,000. Paul Michael grew up in New York and attended SUNY Farmingdale before starting a ten-year career at Columbia University. He also served as Secretary and Records Management Officer for the Millwood Fire District, appointed annually by an elected board of fire commissioners from 2008 – 2017.