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Understanding Your Window of Tolerance: A Career Survival Guide for Trauma Survivors

Cyndi Bennett — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 11:27:23 +0000

As trauma survivors navigating the professional world, many of us have experienced those moments when work feels utterly overwhelming or, conversely, when we feel disconnected and numb. These experiences are often related to our “window of tolerance,” a concept that’s crucial for us to understand as we work towards thriving in our careers.

What is the Window of Tolerance?

The window of tolerance is the optimal zone of arousal where we can function most effectively. When we’re within this window, we can think clearly, make decisions, and manage our emotions well. It’s where we’re at our professional best.

For many trauma survivors, this window can be narrower than for others. This means we might more easily slip into a state of hyperarousal (feeling anxious, panicky, or overwhelmed) or hypoarousal (feeling numb, disconnected, or unmotivated) in response to work stressors.

Why It Matters in Our Careers

Understanding our window of tolerance can be a game-changer in our professional lives. It helps us:

Recognize when we’re becoming dysregulated
Take proactive steps to return to our optimal zone
Gradually expand our capacity to handle workplace stressors
Improve our overall job performance and satisfaction

Signs You’re Outside Your Window of Tolerance at Work

In hyperarousal, you might experience:

Racing thoughts
Difficulty concentrating
Feeling overwhelmed by tasks
Physical symptoms like a rapid heartbeat or sweating
Irritability or heightened emotional reactions

In hypoarousal, you might experience:

Difficulty motivating yourself
Feeling disconnected from colleagues or tasks
Trouble making decisions
A sense of numbness or emptiness
Decreased productivity or creativity

Strategies for Staying Within Your Window of Tolerance

Practice self-awareness: Regularly check in with yourself throughout the workday. Set reminders if needed.
Use grounding techniques: Keep a list of quick grounding exercises you can use at your desk. For example:
* 5–4–3–2–1 sensory exercise
* Deep breathing
* Progressive muscle relaxation
Take mindful breaks: Use short breaks to reset your nervous system. Even a 5-minute walk or stretching session can help.
Communicate your needs: If possible, let trusted colleagues or supervisors know about your needs for regulating your stress levels. They may be able to provide support or accommodations.
Create a calming workspace: Design your work area to support regulation (e.g., using calming colors, keeping comforting objects nearby, using noise-cancelling headphones if needed).
Establish boundaries: Learn to say no to additional tasks when you’re nearing the edge of your window of tolerance.
Use positive self-talk: Develop a set of affirming phrases to use when you feel yourself slipping out of your window of tolerance.

Expanding Your Window of Tolerance

Expanding our window of tolerance is a gradual process, but it’s possible. Here are some ways to work on this:

Engage in regular self-care practices outside of work
Seek trauma-informed therapy if possible
Gradually expose yourself to mildly challenging situations at work, with support
Practice stress tolerance techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation
Celebrate small victories in managing workplace stress
Develop a consistent sleep routine to support your nervous system
Engage in regular physical exercise, which can help boost stress resilience

Everyone’s window of tolerance is different, and it can change day to day based on various factors like sleep, stress, or overall health. Be patient with yourself as you learn to navigate this in your professional life.

By understanding and working with our window of tolerance, we’re not just surviving at work — we’re developing skills that can help us thrive in our careers. Each time we successfully regulate ourselves, we’re building resilience and expanding our capacity to handle future challenges.

Take the “Window of Tolerance” Workplace Challenge

Now that you understand your window of tolerance, it’s time to apply this knowledge to your professional life. Here’s a 5-day challenge to help you start recognizing and expanding your window of tolerance at work:

Day 1: Awareness Day — Pay close attention to your state throughout the workday. At the end of the day, reflect on when you felt within your window of tolerance, and when you might have slipped into hyper- or hypoarousal.

Day 2: Toolkit Assembly — Based on yesterday’s observations, create a personalized “regulation toolkit” for your workspace. This could include a grounding object, a playlist of calming music, or a list of quick breathing exercises.

Day 3: Trigger Mapping — Identify work situations that tend to push you out of your window of tolerance. Is it certain types of meetings? Particular tasks? Interactions with specific colleagues? Knowledge is power.

Day 4: Strategic Planning — For each trigger you identified, develop a specific strategy to help you stay regulated. For example, if large meetings are challenging, you might plan to arrive early to acclimate to the space.

Day 5: Boundary Setting — Practice setting one small boundary at work to protect your window of tolerance. This could be as simple as communicating your need for a short break between back-to-back meetings.

After completing the challenge, share your experience in the comments below. What did you learn about your window of tolerance at work? What strategies were most helpful?

Remember, understanding and expanding your window of tolerance is an ongoing process. By participating in this challenge, you’re taking a significant step towards not just surviving but thriving in your career.

Ready to start? Commit to the challenge by replying “I’m in!” in the comments. Your journey to a more regulated work life begins now!

Questions for Self-Reflection and Journaling:

Reflect on a time when you felt comfortable within your window of tolerance at work. What factors contributed to this state, and how can you cultivate more of these conditions?
Think about a challenging work situation that you navigated successfully. What strategies did you use to stay regulated, and how can you build on these strengths?
Imagine your professional life one year from now, with an expanded window of tolerance. How does this impact your day-to-day work experience and overall career satisfaction? What small step could you take tomorrow to move towards this vision?

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

Community — The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations and get feedback from people who understand the struggle
Workplace/Career Resources — The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey
Available Coaching Support — The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions
Learning — You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey
Workshops/Webinars — You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career
If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — Plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Nicolas Solerieu on Unsplash

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Cyndi Bennett

Believer. Leader. Learner. Advocate. Writer. Speaker. Coach. Mentor. Triathlete. Encourager. Survivor.

Most of all, I am a fellow traveler on the rocky road called, Trauma Recovery. My mission is to minimize the effects of trauma for survivors in the workplace.

10 Things You’d Never Know About Grounding Yourself at Work as a Trauma Survivor

Cyndi Bennett — Mon, 04 Aug 2025 11:30:37 +0000

As trauma survivors navigating the professional world, we often face unique challenges that our colleagues might not understand. Grounding ourselves during stressful work situations is a crucial skill, but it’s not always as straightforward as others might think.

Here are ten insights about grounding at work that many people don’t realize:

It’s not just about deep breathing. While deep breathing is helpful, effective grounding for us often involves engaging multiple senses. Touching a textured object, focusing on a specific visual detail, or even tasting something strong can be powerful grounding tools. For example, keeping a small stone with an interesting texture in your pocket or a strong mint in your desk drawer can provide instant sensory input when needed.
Grounding can be invisible. We’ve become experts at grounding ourselves without others noticing. A subtle change in posture, a quick sensory check, or a silent mantra can be powerful grounding techniques that don’t draw attention. Practice “stealth grounding” by tensing and relaxing your muscles under your desk or focusing on the feeling of your feet firmly planted on the ground.
It’s a continuous process. For many of us, grounding isn’t a one-and-done activity. We might need to ground ourselves multiple times throughout the day, especially during high-stress periods. Consider setting discreet reminders on your phone or computer to prompt regular grounding check-ins.
Physical movement is crucial. Simple movements like stretching, changing positions, or even just wiggling our toes can help us reconnect with our bodies and the present moment. If possible, take short walks during breaks or do desk stretches to incorporate more movement into your workday.
Grounding routines can be personalized. What works for one person might not work for another. We’ve each developed our unique set of grounding techniques that resonate with our specific experiences and needs. Experiment with different methods and create a personal “grounding toolkit” that you can draw from as needed.
It can be exhausting. The constant effort to stay grounded, especially in triggering environments, can be mentally and emotionally draining. Self-care after work becomes crucial. Develop a post-work ritual that helps you transition and recharge, such as a calming activity or a specific route home that allows for decompression.
Grounding can enhance performance. When we’re grounded, we’re often more focused, creative, and resilient. It’s not just about coping — it’s about thriving. Notice and celebrate the times when grounding helps you perform better at work, reinforcing its positive impact.
Technology can be a grounding tool. While often seen as a distraction, technology can actually aid in grounding. Specific apps, calming playlists, or even just the familiar weight of a phone in our pocket can help us stay present. Explore grounding or mindfulness apps that offer quick exercises you can do discreetly at your desk.
Grounding is a skill that improves with practice. The more we practice grounding techniques, the more automatic and effective they become. What once took conscious effort can become second nature. Keep a journal to track your progress and note which techniques work best in different situations.
It’s okay if grounding doesn’t always work. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we might still feel ungrounded. This doesn’t mean we’ve failed — it’s a normal part of the healing process. Be compassionate with yourself and have a backup plan, such as taking a short break or reaching out to a supportive colleague or therapist when needed.

The Revolutionary Act of Grounding

Consider this: every time you ground yourself at work, you’re not just managing stress — you’re revolutionizing your professional experience. You’re turning potential triggers into opportunities for growth, transforming challenges into stepping stones for success.

This isn’t about merely surviving the 9-to-5 grind. It’s about rewriting the narrative of trauma in the workplace. Each grounding technique you master is a word in your new story — a story of empowerment, adaptability, and triumph.

So, the next time you find yourself grounded at work, remember that you’re not just calming your nerves. You’re honing a skill that sets you apart, cultivating a presence that commands respect, and paving the way for a more empathetic, trauma-informed workplace culture.

Your trauma doesn’t define your professional journey — your response to it does. With every grounding practice, you’re not just reclaiming your peace; you’re reshaping the landscape of what it means to be a professional in today’s world.

Embrace your grounding techniques. Perfect them. Share them. In doing so, you’re not just helping yourself — you’re blazing a trail for every trauma survivor navigating the complex terrain of the modern workplace. And that, colleagues, is nothing short of revolutionary.

Questions for Self-Reflection and Journaling:

Think about a time when you successfully grounded yourself during a stressful work situation. What technique did you use, and how did it impact your ability to handle the situation?
Consider the unique grounding skills you’ve developed as a result of your experiences. How have these skills enhanced your overall resilience and effectiveness at work?
Imagine a future workday where you feel consistently grounded and present, even during stressful moments. What does this look like, and what small step could you take tomorrow to move closer to this vision?

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — Plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Trent Erwin on Unsplash

Cyndi Bennett

How To Solve This Giant Problem: Professional Isolation for Trauma Survivors

Cyndi Bennett — Mon, 07 Jul 2025 10:45:01 +0000

As trauma survivors, many of us are all too familiar with the feeling of being alone, even in a crowded room. This sense of isolation can be particularly challenging in the workplace, where we often feel pressure to “fit in” or “act normal.” I’ve been there and want to share some insights and strategies that have helped me and others break free from this isolating cycle.

Understanding Trauma and Isolation

First, it’s important to recognize how trauma contributes to our feelings of isolation at work. Our experiences can lead us to feel fundamentally different from our colleagues. We might struggle with trust, fear judgment, or worry about being “found out.” Hypervigilance can make casual interactions feel draining, while flashbacks or anxiety might cause us to withdraw from social situations.

Additionally, the very nature of trauma often involves a disconnection from others, whether through the traumatic event itself or as a coping mechanism afterward. This can make it challenging to form and maintain professional relationships.

Why Connection Matters

Despite these challenges, connection in the workplace is crucial for our healing and professional growth. Positive work relationships can provide a sense of safety, belonging, and normalcy that many of us crave. They can also offer practical benefits like mentorship, career opportunities, and a support system during difficult times.

Importantly, building connections can help counteract the isolation that trauma often imposes. It reminds us that we’re not alone, that we have value beyond our traumatic experiences, and that we can form meaningful relationships.

Strategies for Overcoming Professional Isolation

Start small. Begin with low-pressure interactions. A simple “good morning” or brief chat about a work project can be a good start. Remember, every connection doesn’t need to be deep or long-lasting to be valuable.
Find your people. Look for employee resource groups or support networks within your organization. Many companies have groups for mental health or trauma survivors. If they don’t exist, consider starting one.
Seek out safe spaces. Identify colleagues or areas in your workplace where you feel most comfortable. Gradually expand your comfort zone from these safe spaces.
Practice self-disclosure at your own pace. Sharing about yourselves can foster connection, but it should always be on your own terms. Start with small, work-related disclosures and only share personal information when and if you feel ready.
Utilize digital platforms. Online professional networks or forums can be less overwhelming than face-to-face interactions. They allow us to connect at our own pace and disengage when needed.
Consider therapy or coaching. A mental health professional or career coach who understands trauma can provide strategies for managing workplace interactions and building confidence.
Embrace your unique perspective. While challenging, our experiences often give us unique insights and empathy. These qualities can be valuable in forming genuine connections with others.
Practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Building connections takes time, and it’s okay to have setbacks or need breaks.
Set realistic goals. Don’t aim for an extensive network overnight. Even forming one or two positive work relationships can significantly reduce feelings of isolation.
Remember your worth. You are more than your trauma. Your skills, ideas, and presence are valuable to your workplace community.

Overcoming professional isolation as a trauma survivor is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, self-compassion, and often courage. But with each small step, we can build a professional life that feels more connected, supportive, and fulfilling.

Questions for Personal Reflection and Journaling:

Reflect on a time at work when you felt a genuine connection with someone, however brief. What about that interaction felt safe or positive, and how might you create more moments like that?
Consider the unique strengths or perspectives you’ve gained through your healing journey. How might these qualities help you connect with others or contribute positively to your workplace?
Imagine a work environment where you feel safe, supported, and connected. What does this look like for you, and what small step could you take this week to move towards this vision?

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — Track and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Tetiana SHYSHKINA on Unsplash

Cyndi Bennett

7 Creative Alternatives to Traditional Networking for Trauma Survivors

Cyndi Bennett — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 10:06:07 +0000

As trauma survivors, many of us find traditional networking events overwhelming, anxiety-inducing, or even triggering. The loud environments, forced small talk, and pressure to “put yourself out there” can feel at odds with our need for safety and control. However, building professional connections remains crucial for career growth.

As someone who’s navigated this challenge, I want to share some creative alternatives that have worked for me and fellow survivors.

Online Communities and Forums. Virtual spaces can provide a safer, more controlled environment for networking. We can participate at our own pace, take breaks when needed, and often find niche communities that understand our experiences. Look for professional groups on platforms like LinkedIn or industry-specific forums.
Skill-Sharing Workshops. Instead of open-ended networking events, consider attending or hosting skill-sharing workshops. These provide a structured environment with a clear purpose, reducing social anxiety. Focusing on teaching or learning a skill can make interactions feel more natural and less forced.
Volunteer for Professional Organizations. Volunteering allows us to connect with others while focusing on a shared task. This can ease social pressure and provide a sense of purpose. Look for opportunities within professional associations or industry-related non-profits.
Book Clubs or Discussion Groups. Join or start a professional book club or discussion group. This provides a focused topic for conversation, making interactions more predictable and less overwhelming. It’s also a great way to demonstrate knowledge and insight in a low-pressure setting.
One-on-One Coffee Chats. Instead of large networking events, try setting up individual coffee chats (virtual or in-person). These allow for deeper, more meaningful connections and give us more control over the environment and duration of the interaction.
Collaborative Projects. Seek out opportunities for cross-departmental or inter-company collaborative projects. Working together on a shared goal can naturally foster connections without the pressure of explicit networking.
Social Media Content Creation. Creating and sharing content related to your field on platforms like LinkedIn or Twitter can attract like-minded professionals. This allows us to network asynchronously and control our level of engagement.

Remember, networking doesn’t have to look like a room full of strangers exchanging business cards. It’s about building meaningful professional relationships in ways that feel safe and authentic to us. These alternative approaches can help us expand our networks while respecting our boundaries and honoring our healing journeys.

As we explore these options, being patient with ourselves is important. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. Every small step we take in building our professional connections is a victory worth celebrating.

Questions for Self-Reflection and Journaling:

Think about a time when you made a positive professional connection in a way that felt safe and comfortable. What elements of that experience could you recreate or incorporate into your networking approach?
Consider your unique strengths and experiences as a trauma survivor. How might these qualities actually enhance your ability to form genuine professional relationships?
Imagine your ideal professional network one year from now. What does it look like, and what small, manageable step could you take this week to begin creating that reality?

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

Community — The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations, and get feedback from people who understand the struggle
Workplace/Career Resources — The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey
Available Coaching Support — The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions
Learning — You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey
Workshops/Webinars — You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career
If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — T kplace and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Evangeline Shaw on Unsplash

Cyndi Bennett

When Grief Has No Grave: Rebuilding After a Childhood You Never Got

Danica Alison — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 12:25:13 +0000

No one brings you a casserole when you’re grieving the childhood you didn’t have. There’s no funeral for the loss of safety or a sense of belonging. No sympathy cards arrive when the dreams you clung to slowly unravel. And no one tells you what to do when you wake up one day, realizing you have to rebuild a life you didn’t choose to break.

But the grief is still there. Quiet. Confusing. All-consuming. It lingers in the silence. It whispers in the questions. It pulses through the ache of “what could have been” and “what should have been.” And the hardest part? Much of this grief doesn’t have a clear source, an ending, or even a name.

This kind of grief is often called ambiguous loss. It’s what Dr. Pauline Boss describes as a loss that’s unclear, without closure. For those of us healing from complex trauma and childhood abuse, ambiguous loss is everywhere. We grieve things that are hard to define, like the version of ourselves we never got to be, the family we pretended we had, or the safety we told ourselves existed. It’s the pain of losing something that may not have ever truly been there.

There’s the grief of the childhood you didn’t get. Maybe you’ve spent years trying to convince yourself it “wasn’t that bad” or that others “had it worse.” But at some point, in healing, you start to see the cracks. You begin to understand what should have been. You realize that while other kids were being nurtured, protected, and celebrated, you were surviving. That grief runs deep. It’s mourning the little you who was robbed of joy and innocence, without ever realizing it at the time.

Then there’s the grief of the dreams you used to have. Maybe you imagined a life full of love, or a version of success that made it all feel worth it. And now? Now you’re sorting through the wreckage of expectations that were built on survival. You’re letting go of the hope that healing would look a certain way, or that life would one day “make sense.” The grief of unmet dreams isn’t dramatic or cinematic. It’s often quiet. A slow unraveling. A daily reckoning with reality.

And finally, there’s the grief of rebuilding. Starting over, not from scratch, but from scar tissue. Piecing together a new identity after realizing the one you had was shaped by trauma. There’s grief in that too. Grief in the loss of illusion. In the loneliness of transformation. In the deep fatigue that comes from carrying your story and choosing to heal anyway.

So, how do we heal grief like this?

First, we name it. You can’t grieve what you haven’t acknowledged. Maybe it feels silly to mourn something that “wasn’t real” but your body remembers the absence. Your heart knows what it needed and didn’t get. Naming that loss validates it.

Then, we give ourselves permission to mourn. Really mourn. Cry, write, rage, go quiet. There’s no right way to grieve. No rule book. Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a process to move through with care.

Ritual can help too. It might feel awkward at first, but creating space to honor what’s been lost matters. Light a candle for your inner child. Write a goodbye letter to the version of you that stayed silent. Say out loud the dream you thought would save you. It doesn’t need to be grand. It just needs to be honest.

As we grieve, we start to reimagine who we are becoming. This part is slow and fragile and fierce all at once. We learn to build an identity rooted in truth, not survival. We stop asking who others want us to be and begin asking, “Who do I want to become now?”

And maybe most importantly, we find others who get it. The kind of grief that comes with trauma is lonely. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. When we share our stories, something shifts. We are no longer invisible. We are seen. And when we’re seen, we heal a little more.

Grief isn’t always loud. Sometimes it shows up as exhaustion. Or numbness. Or the quiet ache of realizing that the past cannot be changed, but the future is still yours to shape.

If you are grieving a childhood, you never got…
If you are mourning a dream that never came true…
If you are piecing your life back together, one scarred fragment at a time…

You’re not broken. You’re in process. And that, dear friend, is brave, meaningful work.

A Personal Note:
I didn’t fully understand this kind of grief until I was in it. Until I found myself mourning things I couldn’t even name. If you’re in that space too, I just want you to know that you are not alone. This isn’t the kind of grief most people talk about, but it’s real. And it deserves tenderness. You are worthy of healing, of rebuilding, and of a life that feels like it finally belongs to you. Take your time. Hold your heart gently. You’re doing work that matters.

Cover photo: carolina-ghYHNrzS8pk-unsplash.jpg

Danica Alison

Danica Alison is an optimist, deep thinker, and out-of-the-box adventurer who finds meaning in life’s chaos. She’s a writer, a healing advocate, and someone who believes healing is a journey best traveled with curiosity, humor, and a little bit of rebellious joy.
A lifelong lover of stories, both lived and told. She is passionate about exploring the messy, beautiful process of being human. Whether she’s writing, learning, or connecting with others, she brings a mix of warmth, honesty, and a refusal to fit into neat little boxes.

www.DanicaAlison.com

Discovering Resilience: Sexual Trauma & the Power of Nature

Deborah E. Padilla — Tue, 14 May 2024 09:28:36 +0000

Nature is known to have multiple facets that provide optimal physical and mental health. A study in 2021 found evidence linking nature exposure to improved cognitive function, brain activity, blood pressure, mental health, and sleep (Jimenez et al., 2021). This driving force is the biophilia hypothesis, a notion that individuals are predisposed to connecting with nature. However, even though many individuals are drawn to nature, there often needs to be more consistent exposure despite the in-the-moment benefits, such as the positive effects on mental health.

Mainly challenging to stay consistent, teaching skills in nature to individuals suffering from trauma can help foster resilience when those individuals choose to get outside. A study in 2022 stated that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms in 59.2 million people who experienced sexual assault occurred (Basile et al., 2022). Symptoms included, but not limited to, are anxiety, depression, fear, and insomnia. Sexual assault survivors lose a sense of empowerment while experiencing these symptoms. This difficulty equates to losing autonomy, requiring resilience to regain power. But what strategies can survivors implement when out in the woods?

Trauma-informed principles offer the opportunity to reflect on the symptoms of trauma and how to cope effectively

Trauma-informed principles offer the opportunity to reflect on the symptoms of trauma and how to cope effectively. Levenson (2020) stated that understanding client problems, coping strategies, and strengths allows practitioners to respond with trauma-informed principles to foster resilience and create opportunities for healing. For example, if we choose the principle of ’empowerment,’ survivors who enjoy hiking can reflect on when they felt like they lost a sense of power and how they overcame it, on and off the trail. Understanding resilience in various challenging situations allows survivors to see coping methods that empower individuals to regain control despite the situation they might face. Ultimately, this can reduce anxiety, depression, and fear.

Photo by Blake Verdoorn on Unsplash

The above method is not a one-size-fits-all solution. However, other alternatives for survivors that might be effective include forest bathing. Forest Bathing involves relaxing in the woods, observing the surroundings, and sensory engagement. The intervention is known to reduce stress and anxiety levels. Survivors who experience ruminations from their traumas can benefit from this practice without focusing on the details of the trauma. Another study in 2019 (Moore et al.) showed reduced negative thinking and rumination in sexual survivors in nature, with increased attention to the here and now. An intervention that requires minimal details about the trauma(s) can be just as effective as others that require more involvement.

Sexual assault survivors can benefit from nature, but so can individuals who experience other mental health challenges, such as dissociation, behavioral disorders, learning disorders, and depression. The majority of mental health challenges consist of symptoms found in various disorders that many individuals face today, providing opportunities for improvement in healing. Individuals sometimes lack awareness regarding symptoms and how they can be universally known. However, it is not to say that traditional therapy methods are ineffective. Consulting with a provider or specialist helps understand the best treatment options and empowers the survivor or individual struggling to embody self-determination. This first step towards empowerment allows the individual to recover quickly.

Interventions in nature for sexual assault survivors are endless, depending on the needs of the individual. The main goal is to experience the physical and mental health benefits while healing. No pun intended, but two birds and one stone allow survivors to care for their overall health while practicing resilience. Nature allows individuals an alternative way to heal when traditional methods have been less effective or appealing. Implementing resilience allows others to bounce back from the current and future challenging events an individual who has PTSD may experience.

Photo by Tim Swaan on Unsplash

Deborah E. Padilla

Deborah E. Padilla, LMSW, PhD(c) is a licensed social worker specializing in nature and adventure therapy, focusing on trauma. She is a Ph.D. Candidate in Social Work, the founder of PATHS WITH HEALING Inc., the podcast HIKING IS MY THERAPY, and a licensed hiking guide. She has extensive experience working with individuals, children, families, and groups in various settings.

www.deborahepadilla.com

The Awkwardness of New Beginnings

Cyndi Bennett — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 16:00:27 +0000

During our lifetime, we experience many new beginnings. New beginnings can feel awkward and unsettling, whether it is a new school, job, program, team, or membership program. For the trauma survivor, however, new beginnings can trigger old messages of not being good enough, fear of rejection, and a knot in the pit of their stomach. While those are pretty normal reactions, even for those without trauma, the experience for the trauma survivor is amplified and intensified 100 times over.

In this article, I will address the contributing factors of the intensity and how to get through new beginnings.

Contributing Factors

Legacy rejection. Trauma survivors often have experienced multiple situations where they have been rejected by the ones closest to them, many at a very early age. When you experience this at a young age, you develop a sense that there is something inherently wrong with you and that no one will like/accept you. This “old recording” plays on a loop in the survivor’s mind and causes them to seek the safety of their armor.

Armor. I don’t know of any childhood trauma survivors who do not have a rather sophisticated set of armor that they’ve developed over the years to keep themselves safe. The armor creates a barrier between ourselves and other people so that we will be safe no matter what their responses are to us. The armor usually works great, but it also leaves us feeling really lonely because you can’t just filter the bad out and let the good in. When you wear armor, you keep everything out…even the good.

Core beliefs. Core beliefs are at the very heart of our identity. They are what we believe about ourselves. One theory of identity formation holds that our identity is developed as a child by how significant others reflect back to us who we are. If our caretakers told us we were worthless, unlovable, or not good enough, chances are we will take that in as truth and believe it. Those toxic beliefs are practiced repeatedly throughout our lifetime and become habitual or second nature for us. Changing core beliefs is the most challenging part (in my opinion) of the healing journey.

Helpful Tips to Get You Through the Awkwardness of New Beginnings

Stay present. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you will know this is where I always start. As trauma survivors, it’s normal for us to experience triggers back to the traumatic events of our childhood. When we are triggered into those younger parts of ourselves, we lose the adult coping strategies that we’ve developed. The challenge for us is to stay present. Try orienting yourself to the room you are in by looking around and focusing on the details of the room…or you can focus on the sensations of your butt in your chair or your feet on the floor. You can also suck on a peppermint or hard candy, chew gum, or even hold an ice cube. Those are the things that have helped me in the past.
Breathe. The nervousness we experience in our stomachs or the intense beating of our hearts can be really distracting and disturbing. Taking some deep breaths can help to bring those butterflies back under control.
Suspend negativity. The inner critic inside of us is there to keep us safe; however, you can give that critic a day off. I will literally talk to my inner critic and say, “I hear you, and I know you are just trying to keep me safe, but I’ve got this.”
Hold space for the discomfort. When we get comfortable with being uncomfortable and continue to remind ourselves that we are safe, we will be well on our way to managing our intense emotions. Kristin Neff talks about welcoming the discomfort and learning to sit with it. I sometimes find this step difficult because who wants to sit in discomfort? However, the more I practice doing it, the more I expand my window of tolerance, which is a good thing.
Tell yourself the truth. Reminding yourself that you are safe, that you belong, and that you will get through this can be extremely helpful. I told you earlier that I talk to myself (maybe not out loud), and the reason I do that is to introduce a new “talk track” to the old messaging that plays on a loop in my head. If I talk “loud” enough, I can drown out that toothless dog’s bark (that’s what it really is).
Be you. You are enough. People want to get to know a real person…warts and all. Authenticity or being yourself goes further in establishing healthy relationships than trying to show up perfectly and maintaining that false image for the long haul. We are ALL flawed and imperfect…and that’s OK.

I hope this has been helpful to you. I would love to hear about your new beginnings and how you handled the awkwardness of it.

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

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You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Cyndi Bennett

Attachment Wounds in the Workplace

Cyndi Bennett — Thu, 30 Nov 2023 10:28:51 +0000

Today, I will share a personal story of how attachment wounds play out in the workplace. I am opening myself up and being vulnerable because I know I am not the only one who has experienced a situation like this, and I want you to know you are not alone.

Attachment Theory Primer

Attachment Theory was originated by British psychologist John Bowlby, who described attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds between children and their caretakers have an incredible impact throughout their lives.

According to an article on verywellmind.com, there are four patterns of attachment:

“Ambivalent attachment: These children become very distressed when a parent leaves. Ambivalent attachment style is considered uncommon, affecting an estimated 7% to 15% of U.S. children. As a result of poor parental availability, these children cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be there when they need them.
Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.
Disorganized attachment: These children display a confusing mix of behavior, seeming disoriented, dazed, or confused. They may avoid or resist the parent. Lack of a clear attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent caregiver behavior. In such cases, parents may serve as both a source of comfort and fear, leading to disorganized behavior.
Secure attachment: Children who can depend on their caregivers show distress when separated and joy when reunited. Although the child may be upset, they feel assured that the caregiver will return. When frightened, securely attached children are comfortable seeking reassurance from caregivers. This is the most common attachment style.”

There is significantly more research about the effects of the failure to form secure attachments on children than on the lasting effects of these failures on adults. However, based on my own experience of having both a disorganized attachment with my father and an ambivalent attachment with my mother, I passionately contend that even with significant therapeutic intervention, these wounds wreak havoc in the lives of trauma survivors.

The Havoc of Attachment Wounds in the Workplace

This was the case for me last week at work, even though I have spent countless hours in therapy working to neutralize the adverse effects of my attachment wounds. To start, let me say that trauma survivors don’t stop experiencing the effects of trauma just because they go to work. It is not something you can put in a locker someplace until after work is over…it’s part of you. It is woven into the fabric of your life.

Often, these wounds are not triggered by something that happens at work but rather by situations or circumstances that happen outside of work and bring to work with us…which was the case for me this week.

Over the past couple of years, I have gotten much better at letting people in and allowing myself to attach to safe people. Last week I experienced a scenario where most of my significant attachments were unavailable due to vacation or other situations, and I started feeling lonely, lost, sad, and abandoned. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what was happening, but that did not seem to matter.

I introduced another attachment to my system in the last ninety days when I got a new boss. She and I hit it off immediately, which doesn’t usually happen, and I didn’t realize how attached I had become to her until this week. She is new to me and new to managing someone with trauma, but I found her open to learning, which I highly respect.

On Monday, I experienced a rupture in our relationship when I reached out to her for guidance on a deliverable she asked me to complete. She became frustrated that it was taking so long for me to understand what she was asking me for when she thought she was being clear (the call was going longer than she expected), and she became a bit sharp in her communication with me.

As a trauma survivor, getting “yelled at” (not that she really yelled, mind you) by my boss or any authority figure is a definite trigger for me. I immediately shrank back into my armor and detached. I got off the phone as quickly as I could and provided the deliverable she was looking for before I logged off for the evening.

At first, I thought maybe she was just triggered by her previous meeting, but you know how these things germinate in your brain, and then you start making up stories about how pissed off she really was at me and that she no longer wants me on her team…yes, I was catastrophizing.

For the rest of the week, I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. I was sullen, withdrawn, and extremely sensitive to her good-natured teasing (which hadn’t been a problem for me before this situation). I was dysregulated and ready to cry for much of the week. I tried several times to text her to reestablish a connection, but she was unaware of how I was feeling or why.

After multiple days of seeing me like this, my dear sweet husband intervened…thank God for him. He asked me if I would just let this go on until my next 1:1 with her (next week) or if I would just deal with it and get it over with.

I chose to pull my big girl panties up, gather my courage, and reach out to her to see if we could repair the rupture. When I texted her the question, “Are we OK?” she realized something else was going on and asked me to jump on a call with her.

We talked through the situation that happened on Monday, and I let her know that I was feeling a little lost and needed a connection when I got on that call with her on Monday. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand what she wanted, but my need was for connection more than instruction.

She was willing to hear me. She didn’t know how big a thing this had become for me. She told me that, to her knowledge, she has never managed anyone with my degree of trauma (yes, I told her about my trauma). She said that she should be the one to change her management style to adapt to me so that I could be successful and that this situation was an opportunity for me to teach her more about trauma and how to manage someone who has trauma.

The bottom line is that the rupture/repair process works in the workplace when you have two willing participants. The process of repairing the rupture in our relationship has made us stronger and closer. We negotiated and established guidelines on what to do when/if this happens again.

In Retrospect

Looking back at my week and the whole situation, I noticed that I was already triggered by the multiple “detachment” events that occurred on Sunday. My desire to be on the phone with her on Monday for longer than she desired was an attempt to attach and gain assurance in that attachment because I felt alone and lost. Reaching out to her via chat on multiple occasions was also an attempt to re-establish a connection due to the rupture.

For Managers

When an employee has attachment wounds from childhood trauma, they can be triggered inside and outside of work, but they may not know they are triggered. This scenario exemplifies how an ambivalent attachment style plays out in the workplace.

Someone with an ambivalent attachment style may need many assurances that everything in the relationship is OK, and some people can become very frustrated with that because they take it personally. I have been blessed with some really understanding people in my life who realize how insecure I am and constantly reassure me that they are still with me.

Attachment wounds don’t just go away with time; however, recent attachment research is telling us that having one secure attachment as a child, even if it isn’t with their parents, can negate the parental attachment wound.

For Survivors

For those who did not get that secure attachment as a child, there is still hope…you can work on creating it with a therapist or trauma recovery coach. They will understand the need for attachment. It could be a start for you.

Eventually, you can learn to attach in a healthy way to other people. It will take some work and some practice, but you are not alone because I’ll be right with you doing my own work. We’ve got this!!

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

Cyndi Bennett

The Psychology of Change

Cyndi Bennett — Thu, 23 Nov 2023 10:24:34 +0000

How to adopt the personal change you are creating as part of your healing journey

Growth is ultimately about creating change. You can’t stay the same and grow at the same time. Creating change can be really uncomfortable, and there may be parts of us who resist the change we are trying to create.

That happened to me recently, and I want to share what I learned about creating change in my healing journey.

The Situation

As part of my healing journey, my therapist and I use an adaptive form of brainspotting called gaze spotting. It is basically brainspotting without the pointer. I found the pointer very invasive to my system, but the gaze spotting paired with slow bilateral stimulation of the EMDR paddles has yielded many powerful results.

I explained to my therapist how I was feeling stuck in my health/wellness journey, and she noticed that I had a particular gaze spot (a place my eyes focused on while I was talking) associated with this challenge. We decided to do some gaze spotting on it to see if we could break through whatever the barrier was that kept me from moving forward.

I was focused on the spot but tuned into the sensations in my body that were related to the spot. After a while, it was like there was a sentry defending the fort. The harder I tried to force my way in, the more resistance I experienced. This sentry was defending the rest of the insiders and was unwilling to allow me to enter because he didn’t want me disturbing the peace.

I stayed with it for quite some time, but ultimately, it was a stalemate. My therapist recognized that this sentry set a boundary, and he was seeing whether I would respect it. I love it when she gives me permission to not push too hard to achieve something. She said it was OK not to go there today. She asked if I would be willing to talk to the sentry and tell him that, so I did.

I felt like this was a significant part of the work, but I didn’t know why at the time. It wasn’t until I did my post-therapy journaling session that I realized why this was so important.

The Psychology of Change

I have built a 20+ year career creating and implementing large organizational change initiatives that impacted thousands of people. Over the years, I have refined the process I use to create the change and bring about the adoption of the change, and I’ve been quite successful.

I have learned some fundamental principles about change that ring true in almost every situation.

Change can feel threatening. In my experience, I’ve been asked to refine a process or create an application that reduces variation and improves performance. It seems that every line of business has a different way of executing the same process, AND they have their reasons for doing it a certain way.

The people who execute the process I am trying to change often feel threatened by the change because they are afraid for their jobs…and rightly so. Management often wants to know how much headcount you will save by changing the process before they consent to and fund the initiative.

My goal is not to put people out of work but to make the process less painful and more efficient. I believe in redeploying and shifting the responsibilities of workers to allow them to manage the process rather than performing multiple workarounds on a dysfunctional process.

Listening and learning come first. The first step in the change process is always to listen and learn. I want to understand the way they do things and why they do them. I do this by listening and asking questions. I firmly believe in the Socratic learning method of learning…asking questions. I can do a lot of learning by observing, but often I have questions that help me understand their process at a deeper level.

When I understand what they are doing and why they are doing it, I will test my understanding by walking the process through with them using their words. I either have it, or they will correct me.

This is an important step for me and them. I need to know their specific requirements for the process they are performing, i.e., what they need to get out of the process. They need to know that I heard them and am considering their needs.

Make them part of the solution. No one loves to have change shoved down their throats. If you take this approach, they will resist the change and not adopt the solution.

My approach is to recruit them to be part of the solution. They get a seat at the table…they get a voice. No one is more passionate about a process than those who must execute it daily. When you enlist their help, the solution becomes OUR solution, not MY solution.

They often have great ideas about how it could be done or what they would like it to be. This is a critical element of adoption. You can work hard to create an awesome automated process, but you have done nothing if no one uses it.

Sing off the same song sheet. As the leader, I am responsible for ensuring I am setting the vision for what this could be and that we are working toward the same goal. That means I have to hand out the sheet music and ensure everyone knows what part they are singing in the chorus.

We have to work together to achieve the goal. Anyone that is not bought into the solution will have to be removed. We can’t have people working against what we are trying to achieve as a team. Still, I don’t dismiss that person without first having a conversation with them to find out what the resistance is.

Have the hard conversations…in a safe space. When working in a collaborative environment, there will inevitably be times when you have to have some hard conversations about letting go of things that are not adding value to the greater good. This has to be done in a supportive and compassionate way. Remember, change is hard. It doesn’t come from yanking things away from people…it comes from willing surrender by the owner.

As the leader, I need to be able to hold space for the passionate and intense emotions associated with change without shaming them for having those emotions. This is also a critical part of the change process because it builds trust in the group.

Surrendering those parts is a request, not a demand…and surrender is a process that needs to be supported. There may be many emotions attached to those parts.

The Psychology of Personal Change

Creating personal change as part of our healing journey follows the same fundamental principles as corporate change. This is what I learned in my post-therapy journaling session.

Change can feel threatening to those younger parts of us that have been executing the same survival strategy for decades. To them, this is a matter of life or death, and the threat is still very real to them.

I read an article the other day about two Japanese soldiers who came out of hiding in one of the Philippine islands sixty years after the war ended. They had no idea the war was over. That is how it is with our little parts…they don’t know that the danger has passed. They don’t know that they are safe now and that we (as adults) are there to protect them now.

We must show our younger parts respect for what they managed through at such a young age and for sticking with it all this time, even though it was painful. We need to show them compassion and support. (Yes, I am preaching to myself.)

Listening and learning come first in working through challenging emotions too. We need to give those littles a voice so that they can share their experience, emotions, and why they chose that particular survival strategy. These workarounds were put in place for a reason…to survive. They need to be validated and acknowledged.

I am personally challenged by having to listen to my Littles because I am often too impatient, but I have learned it is more important for them to be able to speak and feel heard than it is for me to get to the bottom of why they did what they did. This is the work.

Make them part of the solution, not just the problem. Our Littles don’t like to have change shoved down their throats, either. We need to recruit them to help us solve the problem. This empowers them to influence the change, AND it becomes OUR change. This is a way to pull in those little parts of us that were once fragmented due to our trauma and make them part of the family…to repatriate them, if you will.

Sing off the same song sheet while allowing for many voices in the choir. While I, as the adult leader, have to create and articulate the vision and direction of where we are headed, it is important to get buy-in from all my parts; otherwise, we will be working against each other. “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

This may mean influencing a Little to “sing” a different part by helping them to understand how important that new part is toward our choir’s success.

Have the hard conversations in a safe space that you create. Often, it can be difficult to say “no” to our Littles. For me, I can’t take the whining…it goes right up my spine like nails on a chalkboard (for you younger people, a chalkboard is the old version of a whiteboard, LOL). However, there are times when “no” is the right answer, and we have to help them understand that even though we said “no,” it does not mean that they are not loved and accepted.

Have any of you as parents ever experienced the “poochy lip” from one of your children when you said “no?” Our Littles do the same thing. They need to know that they haven’t done anything wrong, but our decision is in their best interest because we love and care for them.

My therapist told me how she worked with her young son to help him surrender his pacifier when it was time. She was firm about him needing to give it up but also supportive, comforting, and nurturing. We have to learn how to do that with our Littles too. (It’s a work in progress for me).

Adopting the Change

Creating and implementing change in our lives can be challenging and uncomfortable, but it can also lead to amazing accomplishments. I am on a health/wellness journey, and I know it will take some significant time and effort to reach my goal. It is not about losing weight (though I suspect that may happen)…it is about learning how to love, nurture, care for, and be a good steward of the body that the Lord gave me.

The only way I will be able to accomplish this goal is to have all my parts working together to achieve it. That does not mean that I force them to surrender to the goal, but rather, to create a vision for what it would be like for US to achieve that goal together.

Getting internal buy-in takes time…it is a slow process. Sometimes we have to slow down or pause or give our Littles time to come to the change of their own volition. That is OK. Our journey is our journey, and we can take as much time as we need.

I invite you to give your Littles a voice, to include them in the change process, and to make them part of the solution.

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Get on the waiting list for the online course. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

Cyndi Bennett

Living with C-PTSD: Navigating a World That Misunderstands Trauma

Wendy Hoke — Wed, 30 Aug 2023 09:27:27 +0000

I often find myself caught between two feelings. The first is the instinct to correct and clarify when someone misuses a term associated with my experience. The second is the desire to be understanding and non-judgmental. After all, everyone’s trauma is valid, no matter its source. However, there’s a marked difference between experiencing some life challenges and having a disorder that is deeply rooted in complex trauma.

Lately, there seems to be an increasing trend wherein the term “PTSD” (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is thrown around in casual conversations, often pertaining to mild inconveniences or day-to-day challenges. I’ve heard statements like, “I have PTSD from that awful exam” or “That movie gave me PTSD!” While these statements are most likely meant in jest, they gloss over the profound impact and weight the condition carries for those truly diagnosed with PTSD or its more intense variant, C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

For those unfamiliar with C-PTSD, it’s a condition that stems from prolonged exposure to traumatic events, often during critical developmental periods such as childhood.

The effects are deep-seated and pervasive, impacting nearly every facet of our lives, from our relationships to our self-worth. It isn’t just about “having a bad day.” It’s about reliving traumatic moments day in and day out, experiencing emotional flashbacks, and constantly grappling with a heightened state of alertness, expecting danger even in the safest environments.

When PTSD is made light of, the message is that our experiences are just simple overreactions or that we’re being histrionic. Such a limited understanding equates trauma with common daily stresses or short-lived negative experiences. But let’s be clear: PTSD and C-PTSD aren’t about a generally bad day or experience. These disorders involve traumatic events that have left a lasting mark on our psyche.

Using PTSD as a catch-all phrase for distress also overlooks the real stigma that survivors face. There’s a pervasive myth that those with PTSD are unstable and dangerous. Many of us are hesitant to disclose our diagnoses for fear of being perceived as “damaged” or “broken.” We struggle in silence, hiding our pain, and overcompensating so as not to appear weak. The casual misrepresentation of PTSD only serves to further isolate us.

The widespread misuse of the term PTSD can also create more challenges for those who genuinely suffer from PTSD or C-PTSD, particularly when they seek help or wish to be taken seriously. By making it “fashionable” or trendy, we run the risk of watering down the severity and the recognition of real symptoms.

I hope for a world where mental health issues, including PTSD and C-PTSD, are understood and respected. While it’s essential to create an open dialogue about mental health and break the silence surrounding trauma, it’s equally crucial to ensure that the conversation is informed and compassionate. Those who live with these conditions daily should not be belittled or trivialized.

If you are someone who has used PTSD colloquially, I urge you to reflect on your language.

Consider the weight of your words and the impact they might have on those around you.

And for those reading this post who truly understand the depth of trauma, know that your experiences are valid. You are not alone, and your strength is immeasurable.

Wendy Hoke

Wendy Hoke is the author of The Bishop’s Cross: A Journey to the Truth and co-author of The Church of Gomorrah: When Sexual Abusers Remain in the Church. Her grandfather was a pedophile who preyed on little girls in his own family. The Bishop’s Cross looks into the family dynamics that enable a child molester to continue unabated.

She has been successfully writing for others for many years, first in the financial industry and now as a content curator and ghost blogger. She has finally put pen to paper to tell her own story. You can contact her directly through her website, wendyhoke.com.

wendyhoke.com/