Credit: Karla Ruiz

What is Betrayal Trauma?

• How do you begin to heal when you discover that your partner has been unfaithful?
• How do you learn to trust again when a family member has betrayed you?
• How do you move forward when your boss abused their position of power and sexually harassed you?

In the wake of a betrayal, many people feel their world has been shattered. Some are left wondering whether they even have a future at all. Betrayal and the ensuing sense of despondence can leave victims with chronic distrust problems and crippling self-doubt. Being betrayed by a trusted person can have a long-lasting impact on physical and mental well-being and compromises the ability to form lasting relationships with others.

In her article ‘Understanding Complex Trauma, Complex Reactions, and Treatment Approaches’  Dr. Christine Courtois highlights the interconnectedness of betrayal trauma and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), stating that “complex trauma generally refers to traumatic stressors that are interpersonal, that is, they are premeditated, planned, and caused by other humans, such as violating and/or exploitation of another person” (Courtois, 2019). Betrayal causes immense emotional pain and has far-reaching physical and psychological consequences, which are not easily overcome in a day, a week, a month, or even a year. Some people never get over the impact of betrayal. Healing from betrayal requires intense reflection and work on personal growth to rebuild a sense of worthiness, self-confidence, and belonging. Learning to trust others is one of the most difficult hurdles to overcome. Recovery from betrayal is isolating and painfully difficult and often leads to a transformation of the self.

Types of Betrayal

The most common types of betrayal include the disclosing of confidential information, disloyalty, infidelity, and dishonesty. At the least, betrayal causes shock, loss, anger, and grief; at worst, it can cause anxiety disorders and PTSD (Rachman, 2010).

Examples of betrayal:

• Discovering that your husband/wife/partner had a physical, emotional or online affair.
• Finding out that your husband/wife/partner has engaged in addictive behaviour, e.g. drug-taking, gambling, porn.
• Experiencing sexual, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a family member or by a key relationship.
• Discovering that your friend told someone a secret that you entrusted them with.
• Finding out that your co-worker used your work as their own to elevate their status.
• When your family justifies your partner’s abusive behaviour.
• When a boss abuses their position of power and takes advantage of you.
• Failure to offer or provide support and assistance during times of physical or emotional need.

Types of Betrayal Trauma

• Institutional
• Parental
• Partner
• Interpersonal, e.g. friends.

Additionally, any of these types of betrayal trauma may be accompanied by ‘betrayal blindness’,  an unawareness or forgetting of the act of betrayal. (Freyd, 1999).  This adaptive response may be associated with betrayals not traditionally recognised as trauma, such as adultery, inequities in the workplace and society, etc. Victims may unwittingly manifest symptoms of betrayal blindness to preserve the relationships and social systems upon which they depend. (Freyd, 2021). 

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma 

• Chronic mistrust
• Commitment issues
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Hopelessness
• Dissociation
• OCD
• Emotional dysregulation
• Confusion & self-doubt
• Panic, anxiety & depression
• Irritability and rage
• Fear
• Toxic shame and guilt
• Low self-esteem
• Loss of confidence & self-worth
• Extreme exhaustion
• Withdrawal from social interactions
• Difficulty maintaining relationships

Childhood trauma and the associated betrayal can elicit symptoms that continue through adulthood and often prevent the formation of deep, intimate relationships due to past experiences. The severity of betrayal trauma is complex because it concerns not only the experience of the act of abuse but also the experience of being betrayed by a trusted person or someone the victim relies on for support and survival. Symptoms of betrayal trauma do not meet the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5 (DSM-5) diagnostic criteria for PTSD. However, symptoms of betrayal trauma are closely related to those of CPTSD which occurs as a result of abuse and ongoing trauma. (Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5-TR 2022)

Feelings and effects of betrayal such as degradation, rejection, and humiliation can be catastrophic and life-changing. Betrayal on any level causes immense emotional pain and can be incredibly isolating, but with professional help, therapy, and support, many trauma victims go on to live fulfilling lives. Trauma-informed therapy, such as that offered by the C-PTSD Foundation, helps individuals move forward in their personal and professional lives with ongoing support that promotes healing and recovery. Some individuals with extensive trauma histories may remain in therapy for years; however, recovery is possible with a trauma-informed approach and lots of determination and support.

References

• Courtois, C. A. (2019). Understanding Complex Trauma, Complex Reactions, and Treatment Approaches. Understanding complex trauma, complex reactions, and treatment approaches – Gift From Within. Retrieved from
• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: Dsm-5-Tr. 
• Freyd, J. J. (1999, June). Blind to Betrayal: New Perspectives on Memory for Trauma. Retrieved from https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/articles/freyd99.pdf
• Freyd, J. J. (2021). What is a Betrayal Trauma? What is Betrayal Trauma Theory? Definition of Betrayal Trauma Theory. Retrieved from https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.html
• Rachman, S. (2010). Betrayal: A psychological analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304–311. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2009.12.002

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Tracy Guy

Tracy Guy is a published author and a proud guest writer for the C-PTSD Foundation. Professionally, Tracy has experience in mental health and muti-trauma nursing and is now a full-time registered counsellor working with people struggling with complex trauma, anxiety, and grief. Her passion for writing, unwavering instinct to help others, and professional and lived experience drives Tracy to support and advocate for those suffering from debilitating traumatic experiences and C-PTSD. Tracy hopes to raise understanding and awareness of C-PTSD, more specifically, the association of C-PTSD with abusive relationships.

Trying to connect with a feeling, for me, can be like trying to boil a kettle with no water. You can click the button, but all you get is a few vapors. You can go through the motions, but with no hot water at the end of it. Ironically, being unable to tap into your emotions can leave you in hot water.

Conversely, denying yourself access to your own emotions can be a good coping mechanism. When you are going through the most horrendous, gut-wrenching, traumatic time, blocking the associated feelings, can sometimes be beneficial in recovery and resolution. Having experienced some traumatic events, survival was key. Particularly when raising children. Being able to keep calm and carry on is no easy feat. And, I am not being flippant when I say I just brushed my feelings aside. It is not as simple as that. In fact, on many occasions, it was not always a choice.

State of mind

There are three states you can enter as a reaction to adverse circumstances. The first of these states being, fight; screaming, anger, rage, tears, in other words, a complete overflow of emotions. An outpouring of what you are being subjected to. Then there is flight; whereby you become anxious, restless and nervous with an inexplicable urge to run, both metaphorically and physically. Finally, there is the freeze response. Which is more common than you would think as a reaction to trauma. Being in the state of freeze, is a state of numb, a large sense of heaviness, not being able to place or connect with feelings. All these responses, however different from one another, are normal responses to trauma. They are like a reflex.

Being in the aforementioned; freeze mode has its upsides, in being able to display some level of coping yet, it can be like there is a strange sense of disconnection within yourself, what your thoughts are. You can maintain a ‘going through the motions’ like state, but it does affect your ability to make decisions. Rendering you indecisive, confused and unequivocally numb.

Anti-freeze

This dulled sense of emotions can develop into disassociation which has many levels of losing connection with yourself. Even as far as forgetting who you are, where you live etc. I experienced this, probably in its mildest form. Following many years of domestic abuse, homelessness, and other difficulties my mind began to withdraw from emotion. I could articulate a situation but not the emotion attached to it. This, on the surface, was good. It meant day today I could function, yet I felt like life was a little foggy. Sometimes I didn’t experience things fully. I didn’t feel fully immersed in anything. Not all the time anyway. Which led people to believe I was perhaps cold (emotionally), and also left me susceptible to accepting more than I should. I found it hard to differentiate between what is right and wrong because I couldn’t feel it. All I had to go on was my moral compass and boundaries. And my boundaries were hazy at this point. Because I wasn’t addressing my feelings, I began having panic attacks. Which involved hysterical laughter, intense crying, an out of body feeling and shortness of breath. These episodes of anxiety were exhausting, but they released a build of unresolved emotion.

I mist myself

Addressing buried feelings can be difficult. It is only in recent years I am beginning to identify feelings and try to hold onto them. Writing an emotional diary can help, jotting down words that come to mind. And noticing how you react physically to situations can help too. Is your heart racing? Does your chest feel tight? This can help to ground you. It can help to focus, in the fog of your own dazed mind. It seems not so simple to regain yourself. How you feel and what you want. When you shut this down for so long it can become second nature. But, continuing to give yourself space to feel, and allowing the emotions to pour in (at your own pace) can allow you to find you again.

By Claire Exley

Claire Exley

My name is Claire, I have three amazing children and have had a bit of a whirlwind life. My experiences, make me want to read others, and to share my emotion rollercoaster. I studied Counselling at University and currently write freelance and work in mental health support. Drawing and writing are a kind of catharsis for me.