Jesse

Kathy, thank you for reaching out, and I am sorry I am only seeing this now. For some reason, I have not been receiving comment notifications, so I missed several responses. Because you mentioned a neurological issue, I would strongly encourage you to start with a physician or neurologist in the Austin area rather than trying to sort this out only through a trauma lens. Trauma can affect the nervous system, but new or active neurological symptoms deserve proper medical evaluation. One place to begin may be UT Health Austin/Dell Medical School’s neurology department. Their appointment line is 833-UT-CARES, which is 833-882-2737. If you are also looking for trauma-informed counseling support alongside medical care, you might search for a licensed trauma/PTSD therapist in Austin and ask specifically about experience with chronic illness, neurological symptoms, and trauma history. I hope you find someone steady, careful, and respectful. You deserve help that takes both your body and your history seriously.

Thank you for reading. Healthy social connection can absolutely support trauma recovery when it is grounded in safety, choice, regulation, and genuine human connection. I would be careful, though, about treating any specific game or platform as inherently healing unless it is being used in a thoughtful, trauma-informed way.

Kathy, thank you for taking the time to write such a full and honest response. I am sorry I am only seeing this now. For some reason, I have not been receiving comment notifications, so I missed it when you first posted. What you described is exactly the kind of hidden survival history this article was meant to name. Being praised as mature while carrying anxiety, shame, grief, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, and responsibility far beyond your age is one of the cruelest parts of parentification. The outside world sees the capable child. It often misses the frightened child underneath who had no safe place to fall apart. I am especially struck by how long you kept trying to help, serve, protect, volunteer, care for others, and stay useful while your own pain went unseen. That is a nervous system that learned very early how much safety, belonging, and worth were tied to responsibility. I am very glad you eventually found people who listened without judgment, and later a professional who believed you and helped you rebuild slowly instead of pushing you to perform recovery. That kind of steady support is important. What you wrote near the end is extra-powerful: that you are genuine, that you matter, that there is love, that you are loved, and that you are meant to be treated with respect. After everything you described, that is not a small realization. That is hard-earned truth.

Toby, thank you for saying this so clearly. I agree with you. Separation and adoption trauma deserve far more recognition than they have been given, and adoptees should not have to keep proving that early rupture can live in the body long before language or conscious memory existed. I also understand why the word survivor is important. For many adoptees, the injury was not only the separation itself, but the lifelong pressure to minimize it, rename it, or turn it into gratitude before the body ever had a chance to tell the truth. What you wrote about being scared out of your body at birth is powerful, and I believe many adoptees will recognize themselves in that sentence. I am sorry it has taken so many years for this pain to be given language, but I am glad you are still working your way back into connection with yourself. That definitely deserves respect.

This is the author responding. You make a good point. I think the reason I have sometimes left out describing physical and sexual abuse is partly because of the horror. But it is also because events such as beatings and sexual abuse lasted minutes. They were the punctuation marks of ongoing physiological, emotional and spiritual torture. Not to minimize them or their importance. Any type of abuse when combined with physical/sexual abuse creates deeper trauma. There is no doubt of that. As an author of trauma articles, it may very well be easier to leave those details out because they are so very personal. Lastly, describing events in detail can cause a numbing effect in which they lose their meaning. As a reader, I assume there is physical abuse and want to hear about the survivor’s deeper struggle as a result. Perhaps it would be a good idea to tie in physical abuse, though and not assume that as a given. Thank you for your response.

Hi Aimee,

Please register for our free peer to peer support group. https://cptsdfoundation.org/parental-alienation/

We currently run meetings two days per week, all available on Zoom.

Best,
Paul Michael Marinello