Hi CL. I had a similar experience with 3 of my 4 children. They thought I was the crazy one. They heard it from my first abuser, then my second, who teamed up against me. I cannot explain the hurt I felt for so many years that my children would believe these two people. My 2nd abuser married a woman he had an affair with while I was pregnant with one of my children, so she joined the army against me. It was me against the world, it seemed, so I decided to lay down the sword. It didn’t mean I wasn’t fighting any more internally, it just meant that I realized the odds were stacked against me externally. I had to learn to move on and hope like mad that one day my children would see through it all. 2 of those 3 have, but it took a very long time.

All I can tell you is love your children, and stop fighting a battle you will not win. Love them how you can love them, to the degree that it is safe for you. It is very sad and for that I am so sorry. I wish you the best as you learn to heal.

I am completely alone now. My last friend made clear she thinks what happened to me and my kids was *my* fault somehow…(it *is* I married my abusive mother)

I emailed an article about being called ‘crazy’ yesterday to my estranged son; he called the cops on me for a ‘welfare check’ telling the officer he was so worried about me committing suicide.

Boy I sure did after that knock on the door proving, once again, that these people will institutionalize me before ever EVER considering my position.

I am angry and I am done making space for their collusion with my abuser, who has planned and manipulated this carefully for years.

He told me in divorce court he would take the kids and destroy the love they had for me.

He did.

I am not perfect. I have some very big character flaws…but I never abused them like I was. I was a good mother to them but I am now so sorry I ever had them. They are abusers now too. I just made more.