Comments on: Whose Grave Was It Anyways?

By: Wendy Hoke

Wendy Hoke — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 13:39:01 +0000

In reply to Lynda Schar. Thank you for reading and for having the courage to share the immense weight of what you have survived. Please know that you are not alone, and the pain and disorientation you are feeling right now are completely valid responses to such systemic harm. The CPTSD Foundation offers many resources for situations like this. Please take care of yourself.

By: Lynda Schar

Lynda Schar — Sun, 02 Aug 2026 06:31:29 +0000

Thanks for sharing your story. My life is so intertwined with family secrets the first of which is that my oldest sister had an ongoing sexual relationship with her father, a pastor and teacher. When she moved out he came after me and I shoved him away. He looked back at me and stated that I would pay for rejecting his advances. The crux of the myriad of lies finally was revealed by a cousin who had his DNA taken. Turns out that the person I had believed was my uncle was actually my biological father.
The sheer damage done to my reputation and the fact that the would be molestor, sold me to an unsuitable boy who raped me and attempted to murder me several times. Life was utter hell with him. My mom went into overdrive to slander me and he joined in. My children don’t speak to me. That’s not okay. My CPTSD is worse than ever. I’m hyper vigilante and I have moved to get away from the drama. I need help. Sometimes I feel completely alone and lost and since I was never allowed to have a childhood my response is poor.

By: Wendy Hoke

Wendy Hoke — Sat, 01 Aug 2026 05:06:42 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing this. Although I don’t know you, reading your words brought something to mind that helped me during some of my own darkest hours of accepting the truth about my grandfather and mother. I read a book called Miss America by Day by Marilyn Van Derbur (Miss America 1958). Later in life, she went public about her father being an incestuous child molester. She was the oldest of four daughters. When she spoke out, only the youngest sister publicly confirmed her account; the two middle sisters refused to comment. My recollection is that those two middle sisters essentially stopped communicating with Ms. Van Derbur, although I read the book 24 years ago. My recollection could be faulty. You may find some additional insight or comfort in her story. It helped me understand how differently siblings can respond when the truth threatens the family’s carefully protected narrative.

By: Lesley Vlietstra

Lesley Vlietstra — Fri, 31 Jul 2026 23:56:26 +0000

Firstly I am so sorry that you have endured this. Learning why a mother and extended family have acted in the ways they did, does not lessen the enormous psychological struggle you’ve put up to survive. Thank you, too, for being brave enough to write about it. Reading your words has enabled me to understand a similar dynamic in my own family. My older sister whom I love very much, and who I know cares about me, is unable to admit to herself, or others, that our father was a cruel, selfish abuser. Because I have sought therapeutic help over many years to assist me to understand and heal from the abuse, my dear sister has carefully kept me out of her life. She visits me and we enjoy light, meaningless conversation, but looking back, I can see that she has been assiduous in keeping her life and mine very separate. I understand, on reading your words, why she has done this. My willingness to speak about what our father was like, is frightening to her. Exposing him feels as though she is being exposed, carrying the shame and guilt that is his alone.