Shane Bouel | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org The Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research Thu, 21 Apr 2022 14:18:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://cptsdfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cropped-Daily-Recovery-Support-Globe-iPad-Fav-32x32.png Shane Bouel | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org 32 32 The Double Standard of Adoption & Pro-life https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/23/the-double-standard-of-adoption-pro-life/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/23/the-double-standard-of-adoption-pro-life/#comments Wed, 23 Feb 2022 10:55:00 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=239685 Pro-life

A foetus has rights!

Adoption

A child in a contract they never signed!

What is being said here is that you as life, have rights, but only under the conditions that are dictated.

Adoptees can categorically state that living the life of adoption is extremely traumatic and far too much to handle even in adult years for reasons only they know all too intimately. Yes, there are some acceptions however adoption is rooted in trauma, literally. There is so much trauma that even if you were an adoptive parent, ignoring it DOES NOT make it disappear. Infant separation trauma happens, there is no denying that. It is a well-known fact that adoptees come with a lot of baggage… This “baggage” if not addressed can escalate and amplify over the course of an adoptee’s life, especially if their needs and issues are repeatedly ignored. Anxiety, Depression, PTDS, C-PTSD, Attachment issues, and more stem from the 7 core issues in adoption.

These are:

1. Loss
2. Rejection
3. Guilt and shame
4. Grief
5. Identity
6. Intimacy
7. Mastery/control

Let me spell this out, Adoptees have to deal with the loss of their biological mother their biological heritage, while coming to terms with being rejected by the mother after they spent 9 months in her womb listening to her heartbeat and her voice. So to say babies are a blank slate and don’t remember is a complete falsehood. From then on, any rejection is seen as a threat even the rejection from the adoptive family. So adoptees learn to comply at any cost, even falsely believing the narrative they should be grateful. This imposes guilt and shame on others while having to deal with their guilt and shame of not being good enough for their biological family. Grief ensues on a level no other human could possibly comprehend, it is multifaceted and multilayered which encompasses the loss of their first Identity to biology. The development of new their identity in their adoptive family is usually fragmented because they feel they cannot really be authentic in their identity for fear of rejection. This may cause attachment issues related to intimacy. Ultimately adoption corrupts the sense of self that there seems no safety at a core level which affects mastery and control an adoptee will have over and throughout their lives.

We do not do well with adaptability, flexibility, and neutrality in our life situations. Due to trauma, we lack the necessary skills needed to make adjustments in order to gain strength in coming to terms with our loss.

When words are being fed into adoptees’ mouths, when our feelings and boundaries are being ignored, we are further catapulted into our issues because we see that society can’t seem to acknowledge how traumatizing adoption really is. They would rather believe in the rainbow and unicorn sales pitch of the adoption industry to avoid facing the harsh truth that adoption is unquestionably flawed.

I’ve had hundreds even thousands of interactions with fellow adoptees where they say that they would have rather been aborted.

So, please realize that adoptees face issues, like most trauma sufferers.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/23/the-double-standard-of-adoption-pro-life/feed/ 4 Adoption, Disconnection, Reasoning & CPTSD https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/12/08/adoption-disconnection-reasoning-cptsd/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/12/08/adoption-disconnection-reasoning-cptsd/#comments Wed, 08 Dec 2021 10:55:36 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=238978 In today’s times, it’s easy to see that society has lost its way, so what do we have to do to find our way, not back, but to rise to the occasion and nurture a better future for all?

Ironically C-Ptsd is on the increase throughout this pandemic, the focus on mental health has improved, however, the irony lies in the small time frame in which people have been affected in comparison to those who have been facing their trauma since birth.

We need to listen. To listen to those who have been affected in the highest degree and the deepest of ways. How? Well as an adoptee I can tell you is most definitely not through epistemology – the theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, and scope, and the distinction between justified belief and opinion.

In 1689 John Locke penned an essay by the title – Essay Concerning Human Understanding –  The essay is an attempt inquiry “into the original, certainty, and extent of human knowledge, together with the grounds and degrees of belief, opinion, and assent”. where he describes the mind at birth as a blank slate. Modern science has more than enough evidence to prove this wrong. Along with the many voices of the Adoptee Community (join here). It’s practically the worst thing someone can say to an adoptee. I can honestly say that hand on heart, this community is the most internationally connected in terms of social media advocacy, yet we are one of the most disenfranchised which is the start of another article altogether.

A Bit of Clarity 

Adoption – The legal act of permanently placing a child with non-biological (adoptive) parents other than the biological (natural) parents. Not to be confused with Adoption (theology) – Admission of believers into the family of God,

The interference of religion and its complete misguided approach is how adoption has transmuted into one of the repulsive social experiences to date. (insert a completely new article here).

Finding A Way Through Reasoning?

Terence McKenna – The history of Reason and intuition.

Reason – which is always held up as the path to true understanding has two forms, they are called deduction and induction. All forms of reason can be subsumed under these two types.

Deduction – which is considered the stronger form of reason is called reasoning from first principles. This starts from an idea that cannot be proven, you accept it as given and you reason outward from it. You start with what appears to be an incontrovertible truth or what we agree appears to be an incontrovertible truth. You test the truth of it by carrying out this imaginary inspection of the items involved and verifying that the statement appears true in all cases that you can imagine.

Principles that are reasoned from deduction, rest on evidence to make its appeal to reason. No one has ever figured out how to prove this. When you move from the realm of axioms to the realm of theological first principles the appeal then is not the obviousness of it but to the desirability of it. We hope these things are true, but they are certainly not self-evident in the scheme of things, from the point of view of most of us, so what this shows is that in the matter of deeper things, deductive reasoning rests only on the appeal that hope can lend to its case.

Induction – for those who believe in it, is thought to be without doubt a superior form of reasoning to a deduction because it leads to control and manipulation of real consequences. What is interesting about this in contrast to deduction is that there is no untested first principle, you don’t state something and then reason from it. You make repetitious observations and then those observations which are most repetitious you raise to the status of laws.

Out of inductive reasoning comes the structure of modern science. There’s a funny thing about induction, it makes an unstated assumption about time, it’s making the assumption that time is invariant because what is it is saying is if (A) precedes (B) in a thousand cases, then it is likely that (A) will precede (B) in the thousand and first case. It’s a probabilistic theory, it assumes that probabilistic laws give momentum, to repetitious observation.

The most interesting cases are the cases that lie in the realm of primary experience, of being the felt experience of being. In that realm the realm of love affairs divorces lawsuits religious-political upheavals among others, induction is no good guide at all.

One love affair does not explain another, one marriage does not illuminate another, one revolution really does not shed light on another. There may be generalizations but when you live through these things what you take from them is the uniqueness of the experience.

Where Does it Leave Us?

It leaves adoptees out in the cold. We have so-called experts writing legislation and laws that are blatantly in breach of the Un’s Convention on the Rights of a Child. There are out-of-touch cultural beliefs embedded in society that have been influenced and perpetuated by religious organizations. These organizations are directly benefiting financially from implementing suffering onto children and infants in the form of biological separation and in turn, are supported by financial grants from said governance. C-Ptsd is most definitely guaranteed at birth following such an engrained evasive experience.

Adoption instigates separation at a cellular level, yet prospective and current adoptive families unintentionally or in some cases purposefully choose to ignore key markers and evidence of trauma. Worse adoptees are told to be grateful. All the while I’ve seen and personally experienced the most hideous scenarios that have been a result of adoptive families hiding their truth in an attempt to avoid dealing with and resolving other key issues such as infertility, the shame of having a child out of wedlock, narcissistic traits surface in the form of the need of control or the need to feel altruistic social approval by being seen as a savior.

In truth, there is an unbalanced component in adoption that systematically ignores the reality of adoption. Just look at the sheer volume and tone of the pro-adoption narrative. This narrative wholeheartedly supports Cultural appropriation – this is the unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of an element or elements of one culture or identity by members of another culture or identity. With each layer of gaslit denial, adoptees have been slowly separated from their truth time and time again. Until something changes in society’s ability to acknowledge the truth behind adoption, adoptees are doomed to a life of disenfranchised C-Ptsd.

Adopters, its Time We Took Our Power Back 

Possibly then we can reverse the feelings of imposed social inadequacy.  Adoptees need to be in positions of leadership to influence real meaningful change not only in their own lives but also in the lives of those who falsely think that adoption will improve their lives by ignoring their own issues.

When society can support children to prosper through biological connection, rather than separation, there will be a unique observable shift in social consciousness

Again I’d like you to join the Adoptee Community here, this is a discussion group for all members of the triad. This includes expectant/birth parents, hopeful adoptive parents/adoptive parents, and adoptees. We encourage education and ethical adoption practices.

With your help, perhaps adoptees can start to heal one cell at a time by fostering an attitude of Cellular upregulation – The process of increasing the response to a stimulus specifically: increase in the cellular response to a molecular stimulus due to an increase in the number of receptors on the cell surface.  Help us rewire our internal struggle and reclaim our reality.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/12/08/adoption-disconnection-reasoning-cptsd/feed/ 5 Genetic Pathcutting and the Spiritual Implications of Infant Trauma https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/09/30/genetic-pathcutting-and-the-spiritual-implications-of-infant-trauma/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/09/30/genetic-pathcutting-and-the-spiritual-implications-of-infant-trauma/#respond Thu, 30 Sep 2021 10:04:05 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=238141 On the path of awakening or Spiritual Ascension, the first stages for spiritual healing include emotional and mental body clearing of these accumulated soul memories that are recorded from both the patriarchal and matriarchal lineages of a person’s family and origin. When we observe trauma events and behaviours from current and past timelines, we can choose to heal these patterns through unconditional love and forgiveness in order to heal these cellular memories in our body and remove the blockages and negative effects they create. The process of active conscious participation with addressing emotional, mental, and spiritual clearing phases is called Genetic Pathcutting.

What is a Genetic Pathcutter?

A Genetic Pathcutter is an incarnation of a soul that comes into being to rewrite corrupted biological and DNA imprints. Each specific incarnation contract requires various levels of ancestral clearing which releases old cellular patterns held within current and higher dimensions simultaneously.

What is Ancestral Clearing?

Ancestral clearing is a type of energy healing based on the belief that what our ancestors did during their lives, creates some sort of energy grid that affects their descendants’ happiness, health, prosperity, and relationships. Ancestral clearing can transform the negative energy created by our ancestors so that it no longer blocks our progress in this or future lives.

Childhood Trauma | Early Ego | Identity Development

Our chakra system functions in layers.  Similar to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the lower chakras must be properly developed and functioning in order for the higher chakras to develop correctly. Each stage builds upon the previous one, carrying the distortion of a failed challenge to the next stage, affecting how we are able to handle it, and thus, how our psyche forms. The chakra system forms in just the same way and in a similar timeline.  By looking at each of these life stages, we can see where our energy became blocked in that chakra and move toward healing and reforming that energy system.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

As infants, we are born into the first chakra. 

The Root Chakra is associated with the colour red and is the first task we undertake after birth, and that is to determine “Do I belong here?” …on this Earth and in this family system. It is not a conceptual question based on (thinking) cognition. It is instinctual.

This is the chakra that controls our animal nature and is governed by the predominant survival sense of smell, then taste. This is the very primitive sensing of the world that a newborn infant engages in, commonly called “rooting” as the baby, through its mouth and sense of smell, turns her/his head, ’rooting’ around, and sensing her/his way to food. Over time if this primal survival need is met, the infant will move directly to the object without searching. and the infant found his/her first primitive affirmation that he/she does belong in this world and that survival will be supported.

When you consider psychologist Erik Erickson’s stages of development, the first stage—trust versus mistrust—is closely related to Root chakra development. As an infant, if your caregivers consistently provided you with what you needed to survive (food, water, love, affection, and emotional calm), then you felt secure in the world.   You felt that the world was a place that could be trusted to provide for your basic needs. However, if your environment was chaotic and/or caregivers emotionally unavailable to you and/or if your caregivers withheld, delayed, or were inconsistent in giving you what you needed, then you will lack trust and security, and may find yourself with Root chakra imbalance or blockages. Whether or not you feel secure now is significantly impacted by how safe you felt as a small child.

As we develop naturally without trauma, we should pass through the remaining chakras.

The sacral chakra, also knowns as the second chakra, is located two inches below your belly button and is represented by the colour orange. “This chakra governs your emotions, your creativity, sensitivity, sexuality, intimacy, emotional well-being, and self-expression.

The Solar Plexus, or Manipura, refers to the third chakra. It spins in the area around the abdomen above the belly button up to the breastbone. Meaning “lustrous gem” in Sanskrit, the Manipura chakra provides a source of personal power and relates to self-esteem, warrior energy, and the power of transformation.

And so it goes through each Chakra.

The effects and Imprints of Separation

It is well known that the seven most painful imprints of separation that impact the socially oppressed human beings are:

1. Unworthiness / 2. Shame / Guilt 3. Lack of Trust / Self Doubt 4. Betrayal / Abandonment 5. Anger / Rage 6. Fear 7. Entrapment / Enslavement.

These traumas deeply embed themselves in the first 3 chakras and are not easily cleared through simple mantras or chakra cleansing exercises.  While we cannot choose our caregivers at such a young age, we can heal and acknowledge that aspect of our lives with deep inner work.  As long as the energy in our root chakra is blocked from consistent negative experiences in our infancy, then any work done on additional chakras will not be as beneficial.

Silent Weapons and Social Engineering

In short, the goal of Social Engineering is to exploit the subconscious of particularly vulnerable social groups and to instill emotional dependence onto those who have accumulated the most wealth and power. This gives the dominant party full control, allocating all resources available away from the very people who need them the most.

Social Engineering is a type of Mind Control that seeks to manipulate people so that their specific social structure can be exploited by misinformation that is used to take control of their behaviours. The primary method is applied via bullying, intimidation, and deception tactics through controlling perception and by generating personal or mass fears, real or imagined in their targets.

Images by Alex Grey

The Mother and Child Diad

The bond of mother and child diad extends far beyond the experience of motherhood. When the relationship between a mother and her children is promoted in multiple negative enforced identities dominated by patriarchy. The mother-child diad is devalued in many cultures, being a child-bearer or breeder entails a largely degraded and unpaid, denying women their full dignity and potential as human beings.

In regards to child adoption and other forms of trauma-inducing social constructs, matriarchy is designed primarily to serve the interests of patriarchy to provide a successor or an heir while still servicing their own egocentric needs to be seen fulfilling the role. If affected by unresolved traumas such as infertility, women participate in creating a new subclass of marginalized and oppressed people, ie: Adoptees. Their self-serving needs force the creation of predictive programming, this is a subtle form of psychological conditioning and targeting of the subconscious with coded words and low frequencies, to enforce control.

Somehow there is an underground market for loosh, Moloch-driven energies that subconsciously surface through current day social experiments such as adoption and child trafficking. If you don’t believe such things exist, you just have to look at what is going on in the world. The baby scoop era is exactly what it sounds like. Both Ireland and Canada have had thousands of infants murdered in the very institutions that were meant to protect them.

I could go on for ages, especially now that Gov. Greg Abbott has signed into law one of the nation’s strictest abortion measures, banning the procedure as early as six weeks into a pregnancy.  The new law is considered one of the most extreme nationwide and the strictest in Texas since the landmark Roe v. Wade decision. This will have major implications in regards to forcing women into have their babies and putting them up for adoption.

“Our creator endowed us with the right to life and yet millions of children lose their right to life every year because of abortion,” Abbott said in a bill signing ceremony, captured on videos posted on social media.

Important Points Regarding our “Right to Life”

The current social “unicorn” narrative of adoption as it stands today does not align itself with the majority of lived experiences of adoptees. Being taken from a birth mother is THE WORST trauma a human being can experience.

Adoptees live their whole lives with the symptoms of C-PTSD and PTSD from the primal wound which leaves them with a debilitating fear of rejection and abandonment.

When a person has not had the opportunity to create or develop their core true self from birth, they have no sense of who they really are and what provides meaning and connection in their life. As a result, their first identity is marked null and void and a new official false identity is created where the new birth certificate not only gives them a new name but also states their adoptive parents are biological. This is the identity adoptees live with, a fractured identity where a fear-based belief system based on separation is immediately programmed and hardwired into their neurology at birth then reinforced by society’s unwillingness to listen to their experiences. Effectively brushed off because of the belief that they won’t remember. True our frontal cortex may not remember the trauma but our limbic system certainly does.

We are stripped of all reference of our inner child, we instinctively feel the missing role of a biological and spiritual ethnically connected parent. Our trauma radiates the need for protection and support. Without the connection to this instinctual love and kindness, our hearts tell us, how we now exist in a world of separation. Leaving us extremely vulnerable, drawing in people who are all too willing to bypass having to deal with their own biological trauma and use us as a form of personal healing. It is possible to raise a healthy adoptee, but to do so, adoptive parents must be willing to embrace their individual stories. Even the parts that challenge their deepest insecurities such as infertility.

Medically Speaking

Even if, as infants, we had the ability to remember the separation, the trauma is so severe that the memory would be repressed.

During pregnancy, specifically, mothers mistreated in institutions prior to birth faced unfathomable cruelty, that is only now being acknowledged! The stress and trauma in facing the prospect of losing their baby for life their own unique trauma both affects them deeply for life and also mutates the pregnant mothers Mitochondrial DNA and in turn the babies. Lead (Pb) crosses the placenta and can cause oxidative stress, which introduces reduced fetal growth, biological and neurological problems that follow the child for life.

What Can You Do?

For the world to continue to love and protect vulnerable babies, we need to make things right, put an end to all trauma and mistreatment, and bring unconditional love and protection to their experiences. Radiate feelings from your deepest heart, let their inner child know they are eternally loved eternally protected, and eternally supported by you by accepting their truth of experiences without a doubt. Even if it means having empathy to the fact that adoptees have the right to view their truth of believing that they would have been better off aborted. So with every cell of your body, fill yourself with the deep warmth, comfort, and peace adoptees in a soft blanket of unconditional love and kindness, so they feeling completely validated, safe, secure, loved, and protected, feeling the earth able to hold them in its consciousness.

It’s extremely important to understand how these timelines work, when these aspects of our Inner Child or self fragment, souls are splintered through timelines, especially when deep wounds are left unresolved and unhealed. These traumas create holes and tears in emotional physical and psychological well-being. It’s obvious to the people who hold compassion that these experiences create unresolved issues on the astral plane while perpetuating unhealthy attachments on this one.

Any Wonder Why Adoptees Think “It’s Not Worth It”

To get to the root of the issues, we ALL have to see the situation for what it is, then handle it so that it doesn’t keep showing up in other forms. Admit their life’s journey is not like any other before. Ultimately allowing the vulnerable to get their life and soul identity back. Allow them to cut their own path even if it means wading through our collective muddied egos on their way back to their true self.  

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/09/30/genetic-pathcutting-and-the-spiritual-implications-of-infant-trauma/feed/ 0 Serendipity and The Disconnected Child https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/08/25/serendipity-and-the-disconnected-child/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/08/25/serendipity-and-the-disconnected-child/#respond Wed, 25 Aug 2021 10:15:27 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=236728

Have you ever heard of the term…

“You are where you’re supposed to be”?

Serendipity, many people think that serendipity is a happy accident, coincidence, good fortune. Serendipity means looking at what others see as a problem and seeing instead an opportunity, so much so Finland is redesigning its education system. In some circles, it is said that serendipity is a state of mind, the law of attraction.

For years I did not know what that meant. Coming from a childhood of disconnection through trauma, for decades I was and on occasion still am extremely confused. All human beings are responsible for their thoughts, deeds, actions, and behaviours, in all conditions they are exposed to. All of these are direct choices that are made by each person in the moment that will have direct consequences that impact them and the people around them. This can be very difficult when you are unable to understand the direct causality or process of doing so.

What could cause such a catastrophic reaction?

Infant Separation

Infant separation is one of the most dangerous and harmful experiences a child could face because not only have they experienced something traumatic, the loss of their parent, but also do not have the safety, love, connection, and regulation of the attachment relationship to heal and integrate the traumatic experience. From conception the diad of a mother and child is biologically, intrinsically and spiritually connected at a level we are yet to fully understand. Love is NOT enough and therefore nature wins over nature every time.

Adoption is like being hit over the head really really really hard and then being emotionally concussed for life.

Research indicates that infant separation impacts babies developing brain in many ways.  The brain adapts to this constant fear and focuses strictly on survival.  Subsequently, the brain overly develops the systems and pathways that anticipate and respond to that specific threat and creates an extremely adverse template that affects all future development.  The limbic system (amygdala and hippocampus), midbrain, and brainstem, which play key roles in regulating our responses to a potential threat, fear, show increased sensitivity.  Additionally, the cortex and frontal lobes have reduced functioning, which are structures connected to problem-solving, planning, and learning.

Some circumstances transpire that are out of your control, for me it was Forced Adoption, in the United States, this was known as the Baby Scoop Era. A practice that was rooted in coercion. The purpose of coercion is to substitute one’s aims for those of the victim. For this reason, many social philosophers have considered coercion as the polar opposite of freedom. I now know this as a manifestation of C-PTSD, PTSD, anxiety and depression.

Future learning and issues

I believe the “manifestation of c-ptsd”  and other psychosocial disabilities come from not only unforeseeable instances but also from the way we intentionally treat others.

Past experiences of trauma are common for people with psychosocial disabilities or issues. It is important to be sensitive to the possible impacts of trauma, which may be lifelong when providing support.

A psychosocial disability may restrict a person’s ability to:

  • be in certain types of environments
  • concentrate
  • have enough stamina to complete tasks
  • cope with time pressures and multiple tasks
  • interact with others
  • understand constructive feedback
  • manage stress.

Not everyone who lives with a mental health condition has a psychosocial disability. Many people do not realise that their experience of life could be called psychosocial disability. Other people do not like the term and prefer not to use it.

Saying that you have a psychosocial disability does not change who you are, your experiences, or your ability to live a meaningful and contributing life.

The trick here is knowing who you are, as an adoptee a poor sense of identity and lack of a “normal”  baseline clouds the way to recovery and healing. This is extremely poignant to the lived experience of adoption. Adoption has a narrative based in altruism, so you may ask why is this bad?

In my experience as an adoptee, the fairytale adoption narrative is not based on fact and adoption is not always rainbows and unicorns.

The difference between unconditional love & altruism

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love that has no bounds and is unchanging. With unconditional love, you are not thinking of yourself, you are putting yourself completely and utterly at service to another.

But here is the problem

Altruism

In regards to universal consciousness or group consciousness, it is widely expected that all things are made of intelligent energy and are a part of “The One”. Therefore there is no such thing as altruism in the universe. Let me explain. Altruism implies separation. It implies self versus other. Thus, altruism can only exist in an atmosphere of separation. Altruism is a mutually beneficial experience and therefore it is conditional love due to unconscious conditions are being met or imposed. When someone is being altruistic, they’re trying to create a mutually beneficial arrangement or transaction without your knowledge.

If something isn’t given to a person, this means they either have to take it, or they have to pay for it. Some people seek a range of self-fulfilling emotional needs by altruism.  They may subconsciously slip into manipulation especially if they set their emotional need at a higher priority to the intended receiver. As soon as these needs  “unconscious conditions” stop continuing to be met, resentment seeps in and poisons the relationship.
When people come into, or orchestrate relationships with previous substantial unhealed traumas they may be looking to fulfil their unmet needs at any cost regardless of other people. This is Narcissism – Idealising, Devaluing, Coercion, Manipulation, Projection, Control.

This brings us to:

Grooming & Coercion

Grooming is a predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent attempting to build their trust in a deceptive way, making them more vulnerable to abusive behaviour.

Alleged abusers or offenders use a variety of strategies to access and entrap young people. These strategies can be sophisticated and deliberately target young people’s inexperience, need for belonging, and desire to be seen as adults. As with all manipulative and coercive behaviours, the key is to be aware of common strategies and notice them.

So where does this leave us?

Combatting “Social Reappropriation”

Some say adoption is a lifelong intergenerational process that unites the triad of birth families, adoptees, and adoptive families forever. Recognising the core issues in adoption is one intervention that can assist triad members and professionals working in adoption to better understand each other and the residual effect of the adoption experience. 

Adoption triggers seven lifelong or core issues for all triad members to process, regardless of the circumstances of the adoption, or the characteristics of the participants (Silverstein and Kaplan, 1982):

  1. Loss
  2. Rejection
  3. Guilt and shame
  4. Grief
  5. Identity
  6. Intimacy
  7. Mastery/control

 

Before healing, there must be understanding. Only by understanding that healing comes from an unknown place deep within we can start a dialogue with our inner child, reparent ourselves as the parent we needed – ultimately,  re-rooting ourselves! To some, this may be known as going through the dark night of the soul.

How do you acquire serendipity?

Through Linguistic Reclamation and Acceptance

Serendipitous discoveries are made by chance, found without looking for them but possible only through a sharp vision and sagacity, ready to see the unexpected and never indulgent with the apparently unexplainable.
Serendipity is the quality of mind which through awareness sagacity and good fortune allows one to frequently find better things than originally looking for.
— Horace Walpole
Serendipity is a fundamental change in cognitive attitude. To facilitate serendipity is to focus not on making more connections but on creating places of silence and solitude that allow time for reflection so that insights can happen.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The 6 steps in the “Hierarchy of Needs” are as follows;

  1. Biological and Physiological needs
  2. Safety needs
  3. Love and belongingness needs
  4. Esteem needs
  5. Self-Actualisation needs
  6. Self Transcendence

More about this here

You must realize that adoptees have endured a catastrophic setback even before the first step of the hierarchy begins. This step precedes the current 6, reforming the hierarchy for adoptees into now (seven) steps.

The goal of spiritual development is to be fully present and aware of emotional states and to choose the emotional states one expresses, instead of being at the whim of the undisciplined emotional states generating from the Pain Body.

Infertility Spawns Futility.

Adoption is born of futility.

Esoterically speaking, adoption is a gateway to ascension without the key. The path to healing is accepting the futility that the trauma of adoption cannot be healed. Only then you can attempt to put yourself back together.

You have to understand that this is an extremely hard thing to do when nobody seems to understand or care. But then again, I’m not doing this for someone else, I’m doing this for me!

I intend to bring my inner child and all of their painful wounds and experiences back into union. I intend to integrate all these parts now. I am so loved. I am so honoured, it is done.

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