Susan Morris | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org The Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research Fri, 24 May 2024 12:04:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://cptsdfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cropped-Daily-Recovery-Support-Globe-iPad-Fav-32x32.png Susan Morris | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org 32 32 Eight Ways to Practice Self-Compassion https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/09/18/eight-ways-to-practice-self-compassion/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/09/18/eight-ways-to-practice-self-compassion/#respond Mon, 18 Sep 2023 16:41:00 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=248975

After years of self-criticism, I finally learned the act of self-compassion.

Compassion comes easily to me with others. I’m a nurse. But compassion for me was another story. I grew up in an alcoholic home where compassion and dreams were nonexistent. The protective wall I had built around me kept the suppressed feelings of my past well hidden. It was easier that way. 

Debilitating panic attacks appeared when the wall was crumbling in my early thirties. Then, an overpowering depression set in. My body and mind were stuck in the past, talking to me.

Over many months of psychotherapy, the floodgate of buried emotions surged with memories of my past. The same loneliness and fear that I repressed growing up were now omnipresent. Along with therapy and medication, the depression lifted enough that I didn’t feel like I was drowning every day.

I knew it was time to take better care of myself — “What if I started treating myself like my patients—being kind and encouraging?”

Compassion vs Self-compassion

Compassion is a deep concern for the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it. It’s when you empathize or put yourself in someone else’s shoes, feel for them, and want to help.

Self-compassion is simply turning that same compassion inward. It’s a self-attitude of being kind to yourself, especially in difficult times.

Dr. Kristin Neff has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements:

1. Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment:
Self-kindness is being warm towards oneself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings rather than being self-critical.

2. Common humanity vs. Isolation:
Seeing one’s experience as part of a human experience is not isolating or abnormal. Doing so allows for the recognition that life is imperfect.

3. Mindfulness vs. Over-identification:
Mindfulness allows us to “be” with painful feelings as they are.
Being mindful prevents the extremes of suppressing or running away from painful feelings so that we do not avoid them.

It took me a while to learn about self-compassion and how to practice it for myself. Eventually, I learned the following.

1. Treating oneself with kindness and empathy is relatively easy. It becomes even easier over time.
2. There are many benefits of practicing self-compassion. Research studies have shown that self-compassionate people are happier, better at relationships, and are even physically healthier. Self-compassion has lowered my anxiety, depression, and stress.
3. The are misconceptions of self-compassion. Some people think that it’s a weakness.
– It is a strength.
– It is not related to your self-esteem.
– It is not a weakness.
– It is not self-pity.
– It will not make you complacent.

8 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion

1. Being in nature for at least two hours a week.
2. Journaling your feelings.
3. Using lavender oil in a diffuser.
4. Engaging in breathing exercises.
5. Practicing meditation.
6. Listening to soothing music.
7. Reading self-compassion books.
8. Saying positive affirmations. I remind myself that I am strong, safe, and loved.

I now know how to comfort and care for myself in challenging times.

Self-compassion has helped me to be gentler and kinder to myself. I have less anxiety, and though my depression is ongoing, it is manageable. I have become more self-aware and calmer, and I do not worry about things I have no control over. I learned to acknowledge the challenging times instead of ignoring my pain with a “suck it up” attitude. Then, I can go back to the basics of self-care.

It’s good to know that I am not alone.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want yourself to be happy, practice compassion.”   — Dalai Lama

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/09/18/eight-ways-to-practice-self-compassion/feed/ 0 Five Ways to Heal Your Self-Esteem After Leaving an Abusive Relationship https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/11/29/five-ways-to-heal-your-self-esteem-after-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/11/29/five-ways-to-heal-your-self-esteem-after-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/#respond Tue, 29 Nov 2022 10:47:57 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=245331
The aftermath of an abusive relationship can be a challenging time. You may feel like you’re not good enough, that you deserve the abuse, or that you’ll never be able to find someone else. It’s important to remember that none of these things are true. No one deserves to be abused. You are worthy of love and respect. And there are people out there who will treat you well. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to heal your self-esteem. Here are five ways to do that.

1) Be Kind to Yourself
This may seem obvious, but it’s worth saying anyway. One of the first steps to healing your self-esteem is to be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend in your situation. Be gentle and understanding. Don’t beat yourself up for things that are out of your control. Cut yourself some slack and be as patient with yourself as possible.

2) Learn to Say “No.”
In an abusive relationship, you may have gotten used to putting your partner’s needs before your own. But now that you’re out of that situation, it’s important to start putting yourself first again, which means learning to say “no.” If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. There’s no need to explain or apologize. Just say no, and don’t feel guilty about it.

3) Practice Assertiveness
Part of taking care of yourself is learning to speak assertively. This doesn’t mean being rude or aggressive—just confident and direct in expressing your wants and needs. It’s worth practicing because it will help you feel better about yourself and help you set boundaries with other people.

4) Adjust Your Thoughts and Beliefs by Replacing Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

One of the most dangerous things about being in an abusive relationship is the negative thoughts and beliefs that can start swirling around in your head—things like “I’m not good enough,” “I deserve this,” or “I’ll never find anyone else.” These negative thoughts become part of your self-image, affecting how you see yourself and causing your self-esteem to plummet even further.

The good news is that these thoughts are false and can be changed. Every time a negative thought pops into your head, try replacing it with a positive one instead. For example, if you’re thinking, “I’m not good enough,” try saying something like, “I am worthy of love and respect,” or “I am doing my best.” With time and practice, these positive affirmations will become part of your belief system, gradually replacing the negative thoughts and helping you feel better about yourself.

5) Spend Time with People That Make You Happy
Finally, another great way to heal your self-esteem is simply by spending time with people who make you happy—people who treat you well and make you feel good about yourself just by being around them. These could be friends, family members, coworkers, or anyone who makes you feel good around them. Surrounding yourself with these positive people will help balance out the negative voices from your past and remind you that you are worthy of love and respect.

The more kindness, love, and respect you give yourself, the more likely it is that this will become a regular part of how you treat yourself, which will profoundly impact Self-Esteem. Heal yourself, so you can go out into the world and live your best life.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/11/29/five-ways-to-heal-your-self-esteem-after-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/feed/ 0 5 Things You Need to Know to Survive and Thrive as A Highly Sensitive Person https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/06/16/5-things-you-need-to-know-to-survive-and-thrive-as-a-highly-sensitive-person/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/06/16/5-things-you-need-to-know-to-survive-and-thrive-as-a-highly-sensitive-person/#comments Thu, 16 Jun 2022 09:17:49 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=241895 When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?

My family often told me as a child that I was “too sensitive.” I never understood why. All I wanted to do was to talk about my feelings. My kindergarten teacher told my parents that I was “extremely shy.” I was probably around ten or eleven when my siblings began teasing me about being oversensitive. What started when I was young continued into my teen years and then into adulthood.

What I didn’t know at the time was that I’d eventually come to lose the ability to feel anything. Because my feelings became squashed repeatedly, my body learned to shut down completely. As I entered my twenties, I was afraid to show any emotions. I blocked out my pain, happiness, and true joy. It was better that way because I felt like no one understood me.

That all changed when I read the book, The Highly Sensitive Person by psychologist Elaine Aron. The first publication of her book came out in 1996 when I was in my thirties. It felt like I was reading about myself, and it changed my way of thinking. I no longer felt flawed.

According to the groundbreaking documentary titled SENSITIVE —The Untold Story

Between 15-20 percent of the population are considered highly sensitive.

What is the definition of a Highly Sensitive Person?

Dr. Elaine Aron coined the term —Highly Sensitive Person, which defines a distinct personality trait that affects as many as one out of every five people. According to Dr. Aron’s definition, the highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in their surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.

Being a highly sensitive person is much more than just being hurt by what someone says about you. Because our emotions are more profound, our feelings can get damaged easily.

Dr. Aron created an ACRONYM as a way of describing the Highly Sensitive Person

DOES

D: Is for Depth of Processing

HSPs are highly intuitive. We process everything more, relating and comparing what we notice to our past experiences with other similar things. We do it whether we are aware of it or not. We decide things without knowing why or how we came to that decision. It’s what we call it is our intuition.

O: Overstimulation

While others can occasionally manage overstimulation, it’s a fact of life for those who fall into that 15-20 percent of the population considered highly sensitive. Sometimes, the world is distressing, too loud, and too much.

E: Emotional Reactivity

We have a strong sense of empathy, awareness, and self-other processing. We react more to both positive and negative experiences.

HSPs are more in tune with others. We can take on the feelings and emotions of others and put ourselves in their shoes (which can be a strength and a challenge).

S: Sensing the Subtle

We are aware of the subtle things in our environment that others would most likely not notice, like sights, sounds, and smells.

Nature and the arts move us.

We can sense hostility or tension in social situations where others may not notice it.

Five Ways to Survive and Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person

  1. Honor Your Intuition

Because HSPs are more in tune with the environment and what is happening, they tend to think, feel, and process things intensely. Sometimes we “just know” something without realizing how. Since we are aware of the subtle things, some have called it the “sixth sense.”

Psychologist Elaine Aron says highly sensitive people (HSPs) “are all creative by definition because we process things thoroughly and notice so many subtleties and emotional meanings that we can easily put two unusual things together.” Trust your intuition!

  1. Limit Sensory Overload

Certain external stimuli, like loud noises, bright lite places, and highly crowded areas, bother us. The sounds of many people talking and noisy traffic may be heavier for highly sensitive people. Try to limit your time with these. If you can’t, noise-canceling headphones are fabulous.

  1. The Need for DownTime

The world is overwhelming sometimes because we feel so much more. Taking in and processing too much information from the inner and outer worlds can be “too much.” Reduce the chance of burnout by focusing on early signs like anxiousness and feeling overwhelmed.

We can quickly become worn out after a busy day, so make sure you have a quiet place to retreat. Try to cut down on multitasking. Time to relax is essential. I curl up in a comfy blanket and listen to music or read a book.

  1. Get Plenty of Sleep

How much sleep you get can make or break your day.

For most people, lack of sleep (less than 7 hours a night) makes the average person irritable and less productive. But lack of rest for the sensitive person will make life almost unbearable.

  1. Enjoy Nature

Avoid violent movies or television shows. Instead, get out in Nature. Being outside in Nature is calming to highly sensitive people. It is a natural healing place, we love the quiet, and it centers us. We are deeply affected by the beauty of Nature and feel alive there.

Most of all—Believe in yourself. Instead of becoming angry at people who offend or don’t understand you, focus on your journey. What others think or say about you does not matter when you believe in yourself. There is no need to apologize for feeling too deeply or caring about the world around you and the people you love- the world needs more people who love and care genuinely.

For more information on Dr. Elaine Aron or if you are a highly sensitive person, visit: The sensitivity Test.Visit https://sensitivityresearch.com for additional research on sensitivity

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/06/16/5-things-you-need-to-know-to-survive-and-thrive-as-a-highly-sensitive-person/feed/ 3 The Long Term Health Impact of Domestic Violence https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/17/the-long-term-health-impact-of-domestic-violence/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/17/the-long-term-health-impact-of-domestic-violence/#respond Thu, 17 Feb 2022 10:55:27 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=239795

No matter how happy and content my life becomes, I will never forget the fear and loneliness of being kicked in the head, punched in the gut or dragged across a room by my hair.  

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence, also called intimate partner violence, is a traumatic experience that affects more than 10 million American men and women every year. On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. Intimate partner violence can take many forms, ranging from physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault, financial control, and psychological actions.

Women are generally perceived as the sole victims of domestic violence and men as the perpetrators. However, domestic violence encompasses all genders, races, ages, and sexual orientations. With society’s growing acceptance of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community, and the increasing awareness of violence perpetrated by women, the traditional perception of domestic violence is slowly diminishing. 1

How Common is Violence Against Women in the United States?
 
Over half of women (52%) have experienced violence during their lifetime.
 
– About two-thirds of all incidents of violence against women are the result of intimate partner violence at the hands of either a current or a former intimate partner.
– Nearly 5.3 million acts of intimate partner violence occur yearly among women ages 18 and older.
– One-third of female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner.
– One in every six women is the victim of attempted or completed rape.
– Annually, over 500,000 women are stalked by a current or former intimate partner.

I am a survivor of an abusive ten-year marriage. After a weekend of beatings and beratings that resulted in two chipped teeth, a broken nose, and a concussion, I finally found the courage to leave my abusive husband, obtain a restraining order and an eventual divorce.

That was thirty years ago, so why do I still have nightmares?

Research shows that I am not alone. 

Although most women will absorb the trauma over time, many survivors will experience long-lasting problems.

The American Psychological Association indicates that women are twice as likely to develop PTSD, experience a longer duration of posttraumatic symptoms, and display more sensitivity to stimuli that remind them of the trauma.

Even though physical injuries can be detrimental to a woman, research has proven that emotional injury is more damaging to long-term health. Psychological disorders can make women prone to repeat victimization, which can further impact overall long-term health with more physical injuries, as well as sleeping and eating disorders, social dysfunction, and suicidal behavior. 2

 According to a survey conducted by the Verizon Foundation in 2014:

  • 48 percent of abused women will experience depression.
  • 70 percent of abused women are more likely to have heart disease. 
  • 80 percent of abused women are more likely to experience a stroke.

Some women don’t even know they are being abused. That may sound crazy, but it’s true. Those of us brought up with childhood trauma cannot recognize it as different from what we experienced at home.

According to Psychology Today, “Identifying a pattern of abuse and making a choice can be incredibly difficult. A few of those barriers include financial stress, having nowhere else to go, the threat of violence, and a lack of support from law enforcement. Family and social expectations may also create pressure to stay, especially when children are involved.”

I was in my twenties and thought a bad temper was normal. My dad had one. It wasn’t until I really believed that he would kill me that I decided to flee. My children were the reason. Their love gave me the courage.  It wasn’t until I entered a women’s shelter that I no longer felt shame. The women there understood what I was feeling. They gave me hope.

It doesn’t seem fair. I have been happily remarried for thirty years, and the lingering effects of the cruelty inflicted on me remain embedded in my cells.

NOW— THE DIFFERENCE IS 

I AM THE ONE IN CHARGE!

Triggers pop up unexpectantly; nightmares come and go. I know these are only temporary.
Dealing with the memory triggers has been lifelong for me. Using the tools I have gathered over the years in my toolbox is vital for my mental health:

  • Reading something uplifting 
  • Yoga
  • Journaling
  • Meditation
  • Walking in nature
  • Posting positive affirmations around my house

I promise you that you can go on to live a life filled with peace, safety, love, and respect from a partner.


I pray for strength and hope for anyone that is living with abuse. You matter! You deserve happiness and to live a life free from harm. Free to become yourself!

There is hope. There is help.  

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/02/17/the-long-term-health-impact-of-domestic-violence/feed/ 0 Seven Ways to Find Your Inner Peace https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/01/10/seven-ways-to-find-your-inner-peace/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/01/10/seven-ways-to-find-your-inner-peace/#comments Mon, 10 Jan 2022 10:55:17 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=239452 As an adult child of an alcoholic, the quiet in my household was most likely always followed by chaos. The thing I craved the most as a child was peace. The uneasy feeling of impending doom followed me well into my adulthood. When there was happiness in my life, I knew it would be short-lived because that’s what always happened. Why would it be any different now?
I had to learn how to obtain inner peace on my own– the hard way. I was in my early thirties when my body told me through panic attacks that I needed to find a sense of inner peace or else I was going to go crazy.

Enter—my therapist, Cindy. She helped me decipher the layers and layers of grief, heartbreak, and the loss of my childhood. She held the key that opened the gates to my hidden traumas. It became a daily battle to keep the flood gates under control. There were many days that I felt like I would drown.

According to the Adult Children of Alcoholics World Services Organization (https://adultchildren.org), “stuffing” our feelings is one of the traits identified in adult children of alcoholics. “We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).” I knew I shut down emotionally because I had to survive. With Cindy’s help, I processed the painful discoveries by living through them again. Memories bubbled to the surface, and it wasn’t long before my insides felt like one big open wound. I knew it would only be a matter of time before the real emotions would come oozing out—and they did. Becoming overwhelming at times, I knew I had to find something to do with the residual feelings because they hung around for a while. It was then that I started reading Days Of Healing Days of Joy a daily meditation book that helped validate what or how I was feeling.

What is Inner Peace?
For me, it’s a sense of calm that everything is alright in my world, a feeling of complete serenity. It’s when I feel the connectedness of my mind, body, and soul.

Inner peace is something you cannot buy. It’s a sense of satisfaction and happiness that emanates from the soul, and it is something that we must learn to find within ourselves. There is no standard process or mandatory steps you need to follow to find your peace of mind. Finding your inner peace is individual.

Why Do We Need Inner Peace?
Following the path of true inner peace will help us navigate our lives through the high and low tides —waters of uncertainty, suffering, and sadness.
Inner peace involves gathering a collection of self-care techniques that can keep you rooted in your identity.
Inner peace allows us to confront life with an open heart and mind. It helps us keep track of what is important to us and eliminate harmful influences.

How to Obtain Inner Peace and Happiness
There are many ways to achieve inner peace and happiness. What may work for one person will not work for another. It doesn’t just happen overnight; it’s an ongoing process. I find my inner peace is when I am lying or sitting on my yoga mat and just listening to myself breathe, in and out. I become aware of something other than myself.

Spend Time In Nature
When you spend time with nature, you will find quiet and serenity. Taking in nature’s sights and sounds can relax your mind and prevent you from thinking about stressful thoughts.

Be Grateful
Finding your sense of peace and taking care of your well-being means being grateful for what you have, not what you lack in life. When you appreciate what you have in life, you’ll find more peace. Individuals with a grateful heart find peace and happiness within.

Stop Being Critical of Yourself —Embrace Who You Are
Self-care is essential to finding peace and happiness. Loving yourself means looking after your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. These include eating healthy, exercising regularly, and looking after your overall well-being. Love who you are now. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself and practice self-care, you can also project this positive energy towards others. Imagine how happy and peaceful your life can be when you feel good about yourself and have a healthy relationship with the people around you.

Declutter
Peace of mind comes with decluttering. If you get stressed out when you see clutter in a drawer or closet, then decluttering this cleaning will bring order to your life. It will give you peace of mind.
Believe in a power greater than yourself.

Meditate
Meditation has many proven benefits for our physical, emotional, and mental health. Practicing mindfulness meditation can decrease anxiety and depression. You can try yoga, read a book in contemplation, or listen to a guided meditation. I like to read: Little Book of Inner Peace.

Take Responsibility and Be Accountable For Your Actions.
Even when it’s hard, you’ll find peace and happiness by admitting your mistakes.

Practice Acceptance
In the pursuit of finding peace and happiness, acceptance and contentment is the key. Accept that you will have problems in your life and learn how to deal with them. Forgive yourself for past mistakes or failures—They are in the past.

The Benefits of Finding Your Own Sense of Inner Peace:
Finding your peace of mind will have less stress and fewer fears. 
Better functioning in dealing with your day-to-day affairs.
A boost in your energy level.
Less stress and more positive thoughts.
A sense of compassion is shared towards others.
Negative energy will bounce off you.
You’ll learn how to deal with difficult emotions.
A good night’s sleep.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/01/10/seven-ways-to-find-your-inner-peace/feed/ 2 10 Ways to Handle Trauma Triggers During the Holiday Season https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/24/10-ways-to-handle-trauma-triggers-during-the-holiday-season/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/24/10-ways-to-handle-trauma-triggers-during-the-holiday-season/#comments Wed, 24 Nov 2021 10:57:52 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=238905

If you’ve lived through a traumatic childhood or domestic violence situation, you may not know what it feels like to feel jolly. Some of us feel a sense of dread the closer it gets to the holidays as the holidays approach. The trauma triggers are different for everyone, but we can all deal with them similarly.

It has been thirty-five years since I left an abusive relationship, and I still have nightmares. The holidays were the worst. I am not alone. Many people living in abuse and left their abusers still experience trauma triggers related to what happened during an abusive episode.

As an adult child of an alcoholic navigating my way through the world in a healthy relationship and a functional household today, I can still feel my shoulders tense as the holidays approach. No matter how much time has gone by, the holidays still present triggers for me. The turbulence and disorder that were all part of my past holiday seasons come flooding back unwillingly.

What Is a Trigger?

A trigger is any event or object that reminds you of, or subconsciously connects you to, an aspect of your abuse. Sometimes a smell or sound can trigger a past traumatic incident. Triggers cause you to behave in the same way you did during or immediately after a traumatic event. Your brain does not differentiate what happened then from what is going on around you now. So, you may act in a way that perhaps you don’t even understand. You may find yourself having sudden bouts of crying and not knowing why. You could become nauseous or tired. For me, triggers come first in nightmares.

If you have CPTSD, you may experience trauma triggers to greater degrees or more often than those without CPTSD.

How Do We Handle Triggers?

Recognize your behavior or physical symptom as the result of a trauma trigger. Perhaps it seems simplistic to say to yourself, “Something triggered me, and now I feel this way.” Your brain needs to hear it, and it would help remind your brain that where you are now is more important than where you were then. Do something that will make you feel more safe, calm, or confident.

1. Focus On Your Five Senses

Hearing and smell: Listen to your favorite music. I listen to smooth jazz, with my favorite candle smell filling the air.

Sight: Watch movies that make you feel good or laugh.

Touch and taste: Snuggle with a soft blanket and a cup of your favorite hot drink like hot chocolate and apple cider.

2. Give thanks to where you are right now in your life

Start at Thanksgiving. Sit for a minute with your thoughts. Look around and notice five things from your environment (think five senses; sights, sounds, textures, smells, or taste). Ground yourself into the here and now and think of three things to be grateful for.

 3. Go back to your basics

Listen to positive affirmations—music, a daily meditation—anything to keep that tape of positivity playing in your head. Purchase a pocket-size affirmation book to always keep with you. I use a daily meditation for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Listen to positive podcasts; there are so many now for learning, for laughing, or just for listening. Find a couple that you like, download some episodes, listen to them while driving your car or doing your errands, or just for an extra boost.

4. Goodbye to Guilt

Be realistic. The holiday will not be perfect. Learn to say no. Identify the people, places, and things that are healthy and useful in your life, and discard those that are not.

Choose which celebrations you attend. The holiday celebrations are a matter of choice, and you have permission to say no to protect yourself from inner turmoil.

5. Take a Walk in Nature

I always turn inward. I go for a walk even when it is cold out. Nature always calms me and makes me think of life and what matters to me. Studies have shown that nature reduces blood pressure, lowers cancer risk, and lifts people’s spirits.(2)

6. Buy Gifts for Others in Need

It always makes me appreciate what I do have, what I didn’t have as a child. My go-to is usually a domestic violence shelter, and I purchase items for a couple of families in need. Find a cause you are passionate about and gift it to them. It doesn’t have to be much. Giving always makes me feel better and appreciate what I do have.

Join the flow with holiday shoppers and when you are buying gifts, treat the wounded inner child in you to a treat.

7. Practice Self Care

Be Gentle with Yourself. Get enough sleep and exercise—practice Yoga. Learn how to breathe in and out and release the stuff that no longer works for you. I put a stickie note on my bathroom mirror that says: I am safe, I am strong, I am loved, and I live with peace.

8. Journal your thoughts and feelings

Keep a journal with you when feelings crop up, so you have somewhere to process them.

9. Meditation

Meditation not only changes the brain, but it changes our subjective perception and feelings as well. It offers emotional balance, increased focus, and reduced anxiety. *(1)

10. Start a New Tradition

It’s interesting to see what other countries do for the holidays. You may want to try one.

Resources:

  1. Meditation: In-depth. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm. Accessed Jan. 5, 2017.
  1. “Nurtured by Nature” Psychological research is advancing our understanding of how time in nature can improve our mental health and sharpen our cognition https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature. Accessed Nov. 5, 2021.

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/24/10-ways-to-handle-trauma-triggers-during-the-holiday-season/feed/ 4 How Childhood Traumas Influence Us Now https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/03/how-childhood-traumas-influence-us-now/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/03/how-childhood-traumas-influence-us-now/#respond Wed, 03 Nov 2021 10:03:55 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=238806 If We Can Face Our Traumas: We Lessen the Risk for Mental Health Issues, Chronic Illness, and More

We all enter the world a blank slate, free of thoughts and ideas. Who we eventually become is determined by the upbringing and experiences that fill that slate.

We don’t get to choose who will raise us. We don’t control whether they’ll be caring and loving or distant and rejective.

If you were born lucky, a home could be a pillar of strength. Supportive, safe, nurturing, and protective. The solid foundation from which we venture into the world and the root of our self-definition—a secure place to dream.

For those of us less fortunate, home can be a backdrop for pain—the place where growth is stunted. Where nurturing is nonexistent, and dreams are slain—a place where love is replaced by apathy and compassion replaced by indifference.

Trauma seems to be a fact of life. Did you know that if you experience traumatic events in your childhood and teenage years, it may put you at risk for chronic health problems, mental illness, and substance abuse later in life? These experiences are now referred to as ACEs or Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Examples of what an ACE is:

  • Experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect
  • Witnessing violence in the home or community
  • Having a family member with a mental illness or substance abuse problem.
  • Divorce

ACEs are more common than you think.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “An estimated 62% of adults surveyed across 23 states reported that they had experienced one ACE during childhood and nearly one-quarter reported that they had experienced three or more ACEs.”

I grew up with a father who was an alcoholic and a sister with a mental illness, and my parents divorced when I was 15. Those alone gave me a score of three on the ACE Quiz (see below). My total score was seven. I’d always thought that the cause of my anxiety, panic attacks, and depression was related to my upbringing, but I had nothing to prove it.

I’d read about the difference between acute and chronic stress and how prolonged stress can negatively affect physical and mental health. Chronic stress from ACEs can change brain development and affect how the body responds to stress.

A Tough Childhood Develops into a Higher Chance Chance of Illness (Later in Life) 

What about the positive experiences we have in life? They must account for something.

Resiliency Matters

Like an island of light in a sea of darkness, one loving person in your life can make a difference. My grandmother was that buffering adult — soft, patient, loving. I felt safe sitting on her lap, her arms wrapped around me. Perhaps from her, I learned resiliency.

Although it wasn’t in childhood, I continued to find mentors along my way. There was Kathy in my twenties, Jean in my thirties, and Diane in my forties. They all helped me healthily navigate life, giving me the kind of support and guidance that I didn’t receive as a child. All in their way, helping me build resiliency.

Now when a childhood memory comes up or gets triggered by something, I turn to the tools that I’ve gathered over the years: a good therapist, journaling, yoga, meditation, and walking in nature to remind myself that I am safe and loved.

Reliving the pain and letting go of the past is the only way past it.

As adults, when we recognize our childhood exposure to ACEs, it can be empowering. The only way to heal is to walk through the pain of your childhood. Experience the feelings that you numbed at the time. When you can speak about the trauma you experienced, that’s when you begin to heal. Even though it’s painstaking and may take you to your knees, you will see life differently — and be able to live in the light after the storm.

We do not need to stay stuck in that space we no longer fit in. The defining moment comes when you accept what has happened and decide to move on. Choose to live a life of happiness; where self-nurturing is omnipresent, dreams are possible, and no limits are set on your emotional growth.  Recognizing exposure to ACEs early in childhood and acting with appropriate interventions may change how trauma affects us — hopefully leading to better generations.

We are all defined by our upbringings. In the future, instead of asking, ‘what is the matter with this person?’ maybe try to ask, ‘what has happened to this person that has made him/her this way?’

The “ACE Quiz” comprises 10 questions and is worthwhile to take to determine your risk factors. You can view it here.

The original article was published in Covey Club on October 13, 2021.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/03/how-childhood-traumas-influence-us-now/feed/ 0 How Journaling Aids is Self-Discovery https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/10/26/how-journaling-aids-is-self-discovery/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/10/26/how-journaling-aids-is-self-discovery/#respond Tue, 26 Oct 2021 09:33:39 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=238423 My mission of self-discovery began when I started documenting my journey through breast cancer. But it did not end there. The more I wrote, the more I learned. I initially wanted to know why my breast cancer diagnosis set off such a wave of sorrow inside me. Why was my past fast and furiously suddenly showing up in my present, and why was I rocking myself to sleep as I did as a child? What I found out was so much more than I envisioned.

As my hands fiddled with a paperclip I had picked up on the side table, I talked about the loss and pain of my childhood. Again. It was like looking out a train window, watching the stages of my life rumble past. I traveled through all the grieving steps again—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—and not all in that order. The psychological stress of digging it all up again took me back to a time and place that was familiar. There was I was a sad child, a lost teenager, a lonely young adult. A feeling of panic often sat in the pit of my stomach. During my therapy sessions, the gate that held back the pain of those memories was starting to open. 


My therapist’s name was Carol, and our entire first session focused on my family and upbringing. Part of me wished we could have fast-forwarded through that part, as it always conjured old deep-seated wounds. Try as I might to will those wounds to be healed, they wouldn’t cooperate. And, like unhealed wounds, mine started oozing blood again.

I had finished my treatments for breast cancer months ago—four rounds of chemotherapy and thirty-three days of radiation. I wanted to put this whole cancer chapter behind me. I was getting my energy back, and I believed I was moving on with my life.

“Why couldn’t I shake the impending doom feeling and the crippling nightmares?”

To process the flooding memories, I woke up most days at five am and wrote until mid-morning. I hung up extensive 20 x 20 post-it notes on my office wall. As a visual person, I thought that might help me make sense of what was going on in my head. It was as if someone suddenly turned on a movie projector, episodes of my childhood that had laid dormant for close to forty years played. I filled the yellow paper cup with each scene that played in my head.

Here I was fifty-three years old and teetering on the edge of despair. As I desperately searched for the off button, I relived each episode I wrote about. Week after week, crumbling into tears and then trying to climb up from the exhaustion that followed.

“Would I ever finish mourning the loss of my childhood?”

I remembered how I’d filed away information I’d found when first looking for causes of my breast cancer. Now my curiosity led me back to that research.
I found an article that suggested a cancer diagnosis may trigger cognitive and emotional responses related to a patient’s prior traumatic experiences. Is that what happened to me? Has my body held onto all these emotions, and my cancer diagnosis brought it all back? I now understood why I’d still been rocking myself to sleep.

Spring turned to summer and then into fall. One beautiful golden day in early Fall, I took my laptop to a coffee shop and sat outside, deeply breathing in the cool autumn air. I discovered a study on ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) that suggested that multiple ACEs may be a risk factor for cancer development—the higher a person’s ACE score, the greater risk to their health throughout their life. For instance, a person who answered yes in four or more categories was twice as likely to develop heart disease and cancer and three and a half times as likely to develop chronic lung disease as a person who’d answered no in all categories.

.

I took the quiz that went along with the study and answered yes to seven of the ten categories.

I’d always thought that the cause of my anxiety, panic attacks, and depression was related to my upbringing, but I had nothing to prove it. Was it possible that my traumatic childhood had caused my cancer?

I’d come to read books like reading Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score and Donna Jackson Nakazawa’s book Childhood Disrupted. Both books would become like bibles for me—for living life after trauma.

After several months of seeing Carol, my nightmares lessened, and I was now taking daily walks. My emotional frailty disappeared, and I felt strong enough to stop therapy and focus on living my life. My writing continued, and I felt compelled to share my voice through my writing with the world.

My writing led me to understand better myself and the choices I made along my life’s path. Addressing my traumas and writing about them has allowed me to move forward. When you can speak about the trauma you experienced, that’s when you begin to heal. When you walk the path through self-awareness with compassion, you open yourself up to the possibilities of a reclaimed life.

Our legacy lives within us, and healing from the adverse effects of childhood can genuinely take a lifetime. I do believe —Like a lotus flower, we all can rise from muddy waters to bloom out of the darkness and radiate into the world.


Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

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