Dysregulation | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org The Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research Mon, 06 Oct 2025 09:45:28 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://cptsdfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cropped-Daily-Recovery-Support-Globe-iPad-Fav-32x32.png Dysregulation | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org 32 32 The Role of Rest in Career Development: Why Downregulation is Essential for Professional Growth https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/10/06/the-role-of-rest-in-career-development-why-downregulation-is-essential-for-professional-growth/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/10/06/the-role-of-rest-in-career-development-why-downregulation-is-essential-for-professional-growth/#respond Mon, 06 Oct 2025 09:45:28 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987501194 Understanding the vital connection between rest, regulation, and career success

In our achievement-oriented professional culture, rest is often viewed as a luxury or a sign of reduced commitment to career growth. For trauma survivors, particularly, the drive to prove our worth through constant productivity can override our body’s natural needs for rest and regulation. Yet paradoxically, intentional rest and downregulation are essential ingredients for sustainable career development and professional resilience.

Table of Contents

Understanding Professional Rest: Beyond the Basic Break

Redefining rest in the context of career development

Professional rest encompasses far more than taking occasional breaks or getting enough sleep (though these are important foundations). True career-supporting rest involves creating intentional pauses that allow our nervous system to process experiences, integrate learning, and reset our professional engagement capacity.

This type of rest manifests in multiple dimensions. Physical rest might look like taking regular movement breaks or maintaining good sleep hygiene. Mental rest involves creating space between tasks and allowing our minds to wander creatively. Emotional rest includes processing workplace experiences and maintaining healthy boundaries. Social rest means being selective about our professional interactions and honoring our need for solitude.

For trauma survivors, professional rest also includes regulatory pauses — moments when we intentionally check in with our nervous system and adjust our engagement level to maintain optimal functioning. These pauses aren’t signs of weakness but rather strategic investments in our long-term career sustainability.

The Impact of Rest Deficit on Career Development

Understanding the professional cost of chronic activation

When we consistently override our need for rest, the impacts ripple throughout our professional lives in subtle but significant ways. Our decision-making abilities become compromised as our nervous system remains in a state of high alert. Creative thinking, essential for problem-solving and innovation, diminishes when our system lacks the spaciousness that rest provides.

Chronic rest deficit affects our professional relationships as well. We might find ourselves more reactive in team interactions, less patient with learning processes, or unable to maintain the emotional bandwidth necessary for leadership roles. Our ability to recognize and act on career opportunities can become impaired when we’re operating from a depleted state.

The professional cost extends to our career trajectory itself. Without adequate rest, we’re more likely to make decisions from a place of overwhelm rather than aligned intention. We might take on roles that aren’t truly fitting, miss opportunities for meaningful growth, or burn out in positions that could have been sustainable with better rest practices.

Understanding Downregulation: A Professional Superpower

Defining the science of the nervous system settling

Downregulation refers to the intentional process of helping our nervous system shift from a state of high activation to one of greater calm and presence. In a professional context, this means developing the ability to recognize when we’re moving into overwhelm and taking active steps to return to a more regulated state.

This skill becomes particularly crucial in workplace settings where we’re constantly processing information, navigating relationships, and making decisions. Downregulation allows us to maintain professional effectiveness without exhausting our internal resources. It’s the difference between pushing through with diminishing returns and maintaining sustainable high performance.

The beauty of downregulation lies in its accessibility. While it requires practice and intention, it’s a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Each time we successfully help our system settle, we build greater capacity for future regulation.

Why Downregulation is Essential for Career Growth

The connection between regulation and professional development

Professional growth requires us to stretch beyond our comfort zone, take on new challenges, and develop new capabilities. However, this growth can only be sustainable when balanced with adequate downregulation. Think of it like interval training — periods of challenge followed by periods of recovery allow for optimal development.

When we maintain good regulation practices, we’re better equipped to:

  • Process feedback constructively rather than taking it personally
  • Navigate workplace challenges with greater resilience and creativity
  • Build meaningful professional relationships that support our growth
  • Make career decisions from a place of groundedness rather than reactivity
  • Recognize and act on opportunities that align with our authentic goals

Moreover, consistent downregulation practices help us develop greater self-awareness — a crucial skill for career development. We become better attuned to our natural rhythms, professional preferences, and authentic aspirations. This self-knowledge becomes invaluable in making career choices that truly serve our long-term growth.

Practical Approaches to Professional Rest and Regulation

Building sustainable career development practices

Integrating rest and regulation into your professional life doesn’t require dramatic changes. Start by creating small pockets of regulatory practice throughout your workday. This might mean taking three deep breaths before entering a meeting, spending five minutes in nature during your lunch break, or practicing a brief body scan between tasks.

Develop clear boundaries around work hours and communication, recognizing that these boundaries support your well-being and professional effectiveness. Create end-of-day rituals that help you transition from work to rest mode, allowing your system to fully download and process the day’s experiences.

Pay attention to your professional environment as well. Set up your workspace to support regulation, including plants, calming images, or comfort objects. Build in regular movement opportunities, even if that means taking walking meetings or stretching between tasks.

Most importantly, begin tracking how rest and regulation affect your professional performance. Notice how your decision-making clarity, creative capacity, and interpersonal effectiveness shift when you’re well-rested and regulated versus when you’re pushing through fatigue.

Moving Forward: Your Next Steps

Building a sustainable career development practice

Creating a rest-conscious career development approach is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Start by choosing one small regulation practice to implement this week. Notice how it affects your professional presence and effectiveness. Building these practices takes time and patience — approach yourself with compassion as you develop these essential skills.

Reflection Questions for Your Journal

Deepening your understanding of rest and regulation

  1. Think of a time when you felt truly rested and regulated at work. What conditions supported this state? How did it affect your professional presence and performance?
  2. What does your body tell you about your current balance of activation and rest in your professional life? What wisdom might these signals hold?
  3. How has your relationship with rest and regulation evolved throughout your career journey? What lessons from this evolution might serve your future growth?
  4. What would become possible in your career if you were consistently well-rested and regulated? What small step could move you toward this vision?
  5. What professional strengths have you developed through learning to honor your need for rest and regulation? How might these strengths support your continued growth?

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

  • Community. The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations and get feedback from people who understand the struggle.
  • Workplace/Career Resources. The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey.
  • Available Coaching Support. The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions.
  • Learning. You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey.
  • Workshops/Webinars . You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career.

If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — This is a FREE resource to help you become aware of your triggers in the workplace and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/10/06/the-role-of-rest-in-career-development-why-downregulation-is-essential-for-professional-growth/feed/ 0 When Body, Mind, and Emotions Hold Too Tight https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/09/16/when-body-mind-and-emotions-hold-too-tight-2/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/09/16/when-body-mind-and-emotions-hold-too-tight-2/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2025 14:36:53 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987501516

The Weight of Tension: bare with, this is quiet an extensive blog written to answer a couple of questions by some of my readers I have also added a video link to help you get a feel for this Nervous System Informed Approach to healing.

Before You Begin: As you read this, set a clear intention—to explore, to understand, and to bring awareness to the tension you may be carrying. This is not a substitute for medical or therapeutic care, but rather a resource to enhance and empower your healing, your choices, and the way you experience life. You are not meant to live in a state of perpetual urgency and chronic tension. As I know, tension became my way of being and the only way I knew how to be to a point that even releasing tension felt alarming.

A body locked in tension creates a life that feels tight, restricted, and urgent. Every decision becomes heavier, every interaction more serious, and even rest is tainted with an underlying sense of unease. Tension isn’t just a physical experience—it’s a nervous system state that shapes your perception of reality.

Chronic muscular tension is a signal, not just a symptom. It tells the story of how your nervous system has been responding to life—whether through bracing, guarding, or suppressing emotions. A tense body mirrors a mind that is on high alert, constantly scanning for danger, caught in loops of overthinking, or unable to let go fully.

The Neurobiology of Tension

The brain and body are in constant communication. When stress, fear, or unresolved emotions are present, the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) takes precedence, releasing cortisol and adrenaline to prepare for action. This creates a cycle of hyper-vigilance, where even moments of stillness feel like something to be endured rather than embraced.

The insula, a brain region responsible for interoception (our ability to sense internal sensations and states), becomes hypersensitive under prolonged stress, making us more aware of discomfort yet unable to break free from it. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for rational thought and decision-making—can become hijacked by limbic system overactivity, making it harder to think clearly, regulate emotions, or feel at ease.

Tension, in this way, is not just a tight muscle—it’s a reflection of an overburdened nervous system.

To support rewiring our brains, it is important to remember how we are wired for movement. From birth, movement is not only essential for survival but also for the development of motor control, proprioception, and emotional regulation. As modern neuroscience continues to uncover, conscious, intentional movement is a key pillar in nervous system restoration—particularly for those recovering from chronic tension, trauma, and pain-related conditions.

One of the most compelling frameworks that explains how movement influences pain, nervous system regulation, and recovery is the Gate Control Theory of Pain, which highlights how sensory input from movement can override pain signals. This, coupled with research on mechanoreception, nociception, and joint stability, provides a strong foundation for understanding why yoga, somatic practices, and other movement-based therapies are highly recommended for trauma and nervous system healing.

If I may explore with you the biological mechanisms behind pain and movement, the role of the vagus nerve, and why movement-based interventions like yoga are an essential part of recovery.

The Gate Control Theory of Pain (Melzack & Wall, 1965) explains how pain perception is influenced by competing sensory inputs. It is based on the interplay between:

  • Nociception: The perception of pain (pain-specific nerve pathways).
  • Mechanoreception: The perception of movement, pressure, touch, and temperature.

Pain signals travel along small, slow-conducting nociceptor pathways, while non-painful sensory signals travel along larger, faster-conducting mechanoreceptor pathways. The “gate” in the spinal cord can be closed when the brain receives competing sensory information from movement, pressure, or proprioceptive feedback.

Why This Matters for Pain and Nervous System Dysregulation

When a joint is strained, immobile, or stuck in an abnormal position, the surrounding muscles become stiff and guarded, leading to pain, weakness, and altered movement patterns. This dysfunction creates a sensory imbalance, where:

  • Reduced normal sensations (mechanoreception) → Leaves more “space” for pain signals to dominate.
  • Pain pathways become sensitized → Leading to chronic pain syndromes and increased sympathetic nervous system activation.

Thus, engaging in movement—particularly movement that restores normal joint function and mechanoreception—can significantly reduce pain perception, downregulate the sympathetic nervous system, and restore the body’s ability to feel safe in motion.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Approaches to Pain Regulation

  • Temporary fixes: Medications, passive massage, and other external interventions may provide relief but do not restore sensory balance.
  • Longer-lasting effects: Conscious, active movement (yoga, functional movement, somatic practices) restores normal joint mechanics, increases sensory feedback, and gradually reduces the dominance of pain pathways.

Yoga is one of the most researched movement-based interventions for nervous system regulation, pain relief, and emotional resilience. Studies show that yoga:

  • Activates the vagus nerve: Encourages parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) dominance, which helps counteract chronic stress and sympathetic overdrive.
  • Regulates pain perception: Increases mechanoreceptive input, reducing chronic pain sensitivity.
  • Promotes neuroplasticity: Helps the brain rewire old pain patterns by encouraging safe, rhythmic movement.
  • Enhances proprioception and interoception: Strengthens body awareness, helping individuals reconnect with sensations beyond pain.

Key Research Findings on Yoga and Pain Management

  1. Neuroimaging studies have shown that yoga can modulate pain perception by increasing grey matter density in brain regions associated with pain regulation (Villemure et al., 2013).
  2. Clinical trials on chronic pain conditions (such as fibromyalgia and low back pain) demonstrate that yoga significantly reduces pain intensity and improves function (Cramer et al., 2013).
  3. A 2021 systematic review found that yoga-based interventions improve vagal tone, reduce inflammation, and enhance stress resilience (Pascoe & Bauer, 2021).

Tension release techniques and movement are a core principle of nervous system restoration and trauma stress recovery. All too often, there is immense stored stress in our fascia, muscles, and organs. The nervous system thrives on rhythmic, coordinated movement, and research overwhelmingly supports that stagnation exacerbates dysregulation and pain. Incorporating movement-based interventions into a nervous system restoration protocol involves:

  1. Prioritizing movement that feels safe → Avoiding forceful stretching or over-exertion and instead focusing on slow, mindful movement.
  2. Engaging in whole-body movement → Strengthening neuromuscular coordination rather than isolating muscles.
  3. Restoring joint stability and function → Through exercises that enhance mechanoreception and reduce pain signaling.
  4. Tuning into interoception (body awareness) → Rebuilding a sense of safety within the body.

“Move often. Move well. Move with Your Breath, Move as a whole, integrated body.”

Intention as a Counterbalance to Emotionally Based Physical Tension

Just as tension shapes experience, intention has the power to reshape it. Intention is not simply wishful thinking; it is a deliberate and embodied choice to shift from unconscious reaction to conscious response. Neurobiologically, intention activates the medial prefrontal cortex, strengthening our ability to regulate emotions, override automatic stress patterns, and engage in mindful awareness.

Setting an intention before your movement practice —whether for ease, for presence, or for release—creates a new pathway for the nervous system to follow. It signals safety to the body, allowing tension to soften rather than escalate. This doesn’t mean forcefully relaxing or pushing through discomfort; rather, it means becoming aware of tension and the more subtle releases that arise with slow rhythmic movements while connecting with your breath and body as a whole with curiosity rather than resistance. Think about he difference between toned rather than tight, between suppleness rather than stiffness.

Releasing the Grip: Practical Steps

  1. Pause and Scan – Take a moment to scan your body. Where do you feel tightness? Is your breath shallow? Simply noticing without judgment creates space for change.
  2. Breathe with Depth – Slow, diaphragmatic breathing activates the vagus nerve, shifting the nervous system out of fight-or-flight and into a state of ease. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for six.
  3. Unclench the Jaw, Soften the Hands – Small shifts in the body can send signals of safety. When the body receives the message that it is safe, the mind follows. Titrate a little tension release at a timed pause to notice.
  4. Name the Emotion – If tension has built up due to unresolved emotion, name what you are feeling and even ask ‘how would it like you to be with it today?’. Studies show that labeling emotions reduces limbic system overactivity and promotes regulation.
  5. Move with Intention – Gentle movement, stretching, or shaking out tension resets stored activation in the body. Movement reminds the nervous system that it is not stuck.

Set an Intention now and enjoy this short practice: https://youtu.be/A_lTsmudnkU

The Path Forward

A life of tension is not inevitable. It is not your natural state, nor is it your burden to carry indefinitely. The body is meant to oscillate—to move between activity and rest, engagement and relaxation. Through intention, awareness, and small daily choices, you can shift from a state of dysregulation, characterized by gripping and reduced underlying signals, to a state of flow between all systems, including the lymphatic, by allowing bracing to give way to relaxation.

This is not about erasing tension, but about transforming your relationship with it. The more informed ways you listen, the less the body will need to shout. The more you allow, the less it will need to resist. And the more you bring intention to your experience, the more life will meet you with ease.

Photo by Terry Vlisidis on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/09/16/when-body-mind-and-emotions-hold-too-tight-2/feed/ 1 CPTSD and the Brain: A Battle Inside Your Head https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/08/25/cptsd-and-the-brain-a-battle-inside-your-head/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/08/25/cptsd-and-the-brain-a-battle-inside-your-head/#comments Tue, 26 Aug 2025 00:36:46 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987500983 The human brain is a wild mix of wiring, chemistry, and memory, running everything from your heartbeat to your deepest thoughts–all while somehow letting you remember the lyrics to songs you haven’t heard in twenty years. Beautifully magnificent… and sometimes, frustratingly mysterious.

It’s a powerhouse of possibility,  and it’s also a paradox. It keeps us alive. Helps us create. Love. Imagine. It’s where the best parts of us live–the cleverness, the humor, the wild creativity, the gut instincts, and the empathy.

But it’s also where the trauma lives.
Where the fear lives.
Where the ghosts of what we survived are still pacing the halls.

A Hypervigilant Command Center

If you live with CPTSD, then you know that it’s not just a brain. It’s a hypervigilant command center. Always alert. Always scanning. Always assuming the next bad thing is just around the corner–even when life is calm.

When you walk into a room, you don’t just enter. You calculate. You assess. You map out the exits, read every face, and listen for tone shifts. You don’t even realize you’re doing it; it’s automatic.
Learned from years of needing to be ready, just in case.

Emotional Hijacking: When the Past Invades the Present

Then someone says something. Maybe it’s nothing–a joke, a pause, or a look that lingers a second too long. Boom, your body’s gone tight, your stomach drops, and your thoughts scatter.

Suddenly, you’re back in a memory you never meant to revisit.
Not fully reliving it, but emotionally hijacked by it.
The fear, the shame, the worthlessness.
All of it, flooding in as if it never left.

Ruminating in the Ruins

Your brain starts looping.
Was it me?
Did I mess up again?
Are they mad?
Am I too much? Not enough?
What did I do?

You start ruminating.
You replay the conversation.
You pick apart every word, every silence.
You fill in blanks with worst-case scenarios.

And you don’t even want to be doing it; it just happens.

You know it’s happening. You see it happening.
But knowing doesn’t stop it.

It’s as though your own inner monologue is unraveling you in real time.
And you’re powerless to stop the unraveling.

This Is What CPTSD Can Look Like

Not always flashbacks.
Sometimes, it’s a slow, invisible spiral that pulls you under with nothing dramatic on the surface.
Just a brain quietly trying to protect you… in all the wrong ways.

The Whispered Lies in the Dark

And sometimes, yeah, the thoughts get dark. Not always suicidal. But heavy. Bone-deep exhausted. The kind of dark where you lie in bed and feel like a failure for simply existing.
The kind where your brain whispers:

“You’ll never get better.”
“This is just who you are.”
“People only tolerate you.”
“You’re too much.”
“You’re alone in this.”

And if you’re tired or overwhelmed–or just raw that day–you believe it.

Even though you know it’s the trauma talking.
Even though you’ve done the therapy.
Even though you’ve read the books, taken the meds, and journaled your guts out.
You still believe the lie your brain is screaming at you.

The Hardest Fight: Your Own Mind

That’s what makes healing so hard.
You don’t just fight symptoms.
You fight your own mind.

And it’s not because you’re weak.
It’s because your brain adapted perfectly to survive what happened to you.
It just doesn’t know you’re safe now.
It doesn’t know the war ended years ago.

What I’m Holding Onto

But here’s the part I’m learning, what I try to hold onto when it all feels too much: This brain, this chaotic, overworked, trauma-stamped brain of mine… It’s still trying and still showing up and still learning.

It laughs.
It makes art.
It remembers weird 90s trivia.
It falls in love.
It gets back up, even when it swears it’s done.

It is, somehow, still mine, and still beautiful.
Not because it’s perfect.
But because it keeps going.

Tender. Tired. Trying.

Beautifully magnificent. And also:

Tender.
Tired.
Trying.

Maybe that’s the point. Healing doesn’t erase the trauma. It means we learn how to live with a brain that’s been through hell, and that we choose, every day, to love it anyway.

Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/08/25/cptsd-and-the-brain-a-battle-inside-your-head/feed/ 6 The Heart of The Matter https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/14/the-heart-of-the-matter/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/14/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comments Wed, 14 May 2025 11:58:12 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987498817 The Heart of the Matter
By Jesse B. Donahue 2023 ©

Hidden deep, and I mean buried at the core of my human soul, lies my “internal being,” repressed, shrunken, having been shattered by chronic trauma. How many years, how many moments of a wasted life have I endured and not within my control? My path in life has been an urgent and unavoidable mission, yet so often led astray off the path of self-discovery; it could not be helped; it was and is my process. Being diverted from looking within and seeking the center of a neurotic engine, the condition of neurosis itself is a battleground laden with minefields, confusing signs showing erroneous directions to take, false images of oneself, and unclear answers. It is an inner wasteland of delusions and desert-like mirages, all working against humanity, shielding me from what I seek. It protects that terrorized and traumatized core, so desperately needing healing. It screams DON’T TOUCH ME! as it hides, desperate for survival.

The truth is that I’m struggling to get to the bottom of things. What is wrong with me, and how did I come to be this way? My struggle is certainly not the way of being that I see in others around me. Of course, I can’t look into their inner workings and see their feelings and experiences from the outside. Perhaps, in the same way, I struggle to make the battle inside, hidden from those around me, to look normal, to fit in, to be accepted, to BELONG. God knows I don’t need any more experiences of not being accepted as I am. A child’s crisis of shock coming from caretakers is enough, don’t you think? Ah, but now and always, there is the reality of bullying threatening. It just never ends.
Speaking of neurosis, there are all kinds of flavors of maladies the human animal experiences and must contend with. Some survive life with mild and unnoticeable symptoms and issues. Those are the lucky ones. Others of us must contend with depression, phobias, anxieties, poor self-esteem, and an endless assault, whoops, I mean an array of symptoms from inner glitches from… something. Some quirks, no doubt, are inherited from a gene pool one is related to, but other origins are imposed by culture, man-made. A culture of a small family unit, or the larger culture in which we were raised.

I have spoken of trauma within myself; Let’s get to it! A child needs love, a feeling of belonging, respect, dignity, praise, to be needed, understanding, and, for God’s sake, welcoming. This all forms a bond that lives within one’s soul; it is to the heart of the matter. It is bonding. If one is so blessed to have been raised and treated in a fashion that your basic needs of being comforted and authentically loved are met in infancy and childhood, then one probably has little baggage to contend with throughout your life. This core comforting is now an internalized part of you. You own it, and it can function as a shield to lessen the blows that come from others. Perhaps, those who have not been as lucky as you. You have developed and been gifted with self-esteem by having been held up in high esteem by those who loved you. They held you in high esteem and you internalized that, giving you self-esteem. Off you go in life, like a wind-up spiritual robot, and with a smile on your face. How utterly wonderful, and I mean that sincerely.
Psychology is just somewhat beginning to come to terms with and gain an understanding of the effects of trauma on a growing child. We have all heard of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) a sudden explosive experience, or event, that registers such a state of shock that it radiates its impact in an ongoing, pulsing remembrance of the terrible event. It tends to live on until it is minimized or managed by expressing to others, and the self, the terror it left within you. Now imagine a young child, especially an infant, being hit, screamed at, and sexually assaulted, all repeated chronically over time, a long time. Talk about PTSD! This reality of ongoing multiple experiences of trauma and abuse has come to be termed Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). What some might see as normal disciplining behavior may, in far too many circumstances, be a condition of repeated Traumatic Stress to a child.

At the core of all my lifelong problems, it seems to me now, in my quest for self-understanding, and sadly, late in my life, is C-PTSD – a trauma disorder. I have been traumatized so completely and so systematically that the subconscious intentions of the perpetrator were achieved. I have become an obedient stallion broken of its free will. A vast cauldron of mixed messages coming at me, enforced by belt whippings and rage. I conceded to all of them, and not by choice; Obedience Demanded! Indeed, there was no conscious decision made, no choice given to me; to survive, I spiritually abandoned my sense of being, or sense of self, and became the “yes boy” that was demanded of me. I had to become non-threatening to my caregiver. Just being me was threatening, in that world of rage. Within me? No doubt, I was always filled with anxiety, which is basically one’s inner rage turned inward, unable to be expressed. No, I mean the rage, the teeth-grinding fury bestowed upon me if I was displeasing to her, or not obedient to her whims. Obedient to her desire for power over me.

Anger, rage, venomous fury, why? Why? What the hell did I do? As an infant, a vulnerable child, what in God’s name did I do that was deserving of such cruelty? What? There are no answers; it wasn’t what I did, and I see that now. This is the only avenue I can find to start a path of forgiveness. To see that it had nothing to do with me. And I was not alone or unique in the fact that someone had been abused in childhood. Clearly, she too must have been horribly traumatized in her childhood and, obviously, still carrying the unresolved and unspoken rage at what had been done to her, her secret, repressed rage turned outward, externalized, on me. Where is her rage at life expressed?

Unfortunately, it is in the belt in her hand. But that does not let her off the hook. It is the mission of all human beings, to at least “make a damn effort” to try and heal oneself in this life, because, you have no right whatsoever to inflict trauma upon an innocent, vulnerable child, or any person. The buck stops with you. Though you are a victim, and life is most certainly unfair, brutally so, no one is responsible for you and your behavior, other than you. You are now God with the authority over the vulnerable child in front of you and you must learn how to stop yourself. Go seek help! Stop victimizing your children for the sins of “your” abusers! Put an end to passing the buck (trauma) onto the generations to come. Stop abusing. My God, a wonderful bumper sticker. Stop abusing! Become – AWARE.

My point in writing this essay was to expose the knowledge and understanding I have gained about my core issue. That issue is abuse from intolerance, dominating control, rejection of the real self, anger, whipping, and most especially from a numbed-out caretaker whose emotions were shut down and dysregulated. The anger, the spankings, the verbal raging, the lack of feeling affection, it was too much. It broke me, and yes, just like that stallion. Over time, I stepped out of that suit of me and abandoned the self. I became another and lived as someone else in another world, my fantasy self. If I were able to see, if I had God’s eyes, I would be witness to my abandoned self, rocking in a fetal position in the corner of my mind. It was that traumatic to the vulnerable and “sensitive” child that I was. He is still in me and I’m trying to rescue him, but the trauma laid me down for the count. I am alive, yet purgatory seems to be a fit title to the world as I grew up, and the wasteland I wandered through in my life. My attempt in therapy is to come in from the cold and rejoin the human society I have lived in. Life was on the outside looking in, disconnected.

Life was on the outside looking in, disconnected.


A troubling issue we traumatized folks must deal with is distrust and being severed from the umbilical cord of human connectedness. I feel detached. I do not belong or fit in with a community. Anxiety, separation, inadequate or “trauma bonding,” attachment issues, just the unspeakable state of despair and alienation. It shall remain that way until we “make a choice” and speak to a “safe” someone, an understanding soul. The ugly, awful experiences that shattered us, that story must be told openly and authentically. To heal yourself is to take responsibility for what has been done to you by acknowledging your suffering, shame, and terror of being exposed. It is frightening reaching out and asking for help, sharing with someone what has been a secret, horrifically lonely state of agony that makes you feel broken and isolated in this world; I know. It can be terrifying at first, but it is better than suffering silently throughout your entire life. It is better for you and better for those around you. One should want to present to the world with the best and the truest you that you can be for everyone’s social and mental health, and that can only be done by rediscovering and rescuing your hidden, abandoned self, your wounded inner child.

So, within me, many aspects of what is considered normal and traditionally viewed as a given human trait have been warped by hiding from the angry rage. It is once again the anger, the RAGE, creating the internalized trauma within myself. If someone gets angry at me, I sometimes become that child rocking himself in the corner (flashback symptoms of Complex-PTSD). I re-experience the emotional terror, the feeling experience, the abandonment I knew as a child in the painful moments of being abused. If I express myself for one thing or another, usually, I just don’t or haven’t expressed myself in the past. I have been avoidant. I sat silently in human interactions and hid my authentic self, wants, wishes, and desires while trying to figure out what the other person wanted from me. I want to avoid the anger they might show and their disapproval (rejection). It is that potential rejection, lurking behind everything, that holds me back. To be raged at, or in my case, to be in a relationship and have anger thrown at me, again, back to the child rocking himself in the corner. It is intolerable, as my anger and being free-spirited was intolerable to my caregiver. Being obedient in showing no anger is a pathetically sad expectation. Don’t be masculine was an issue for my caregiver, her hypervigilance toward sex in general, don’t own your sexuality, or don’t be an expressive man that threatens me. The depths I had to go to, to avoid the anger, disapproval, and rejection, were truly unbelievable. It is a miracle I survived. I did, but certainly not in one piece. Note to self: put the pieces back together in therapy.

Stepping out of one’s suit (skin), the spiritual self is like a floating spirit aimlessly seeking an identity. I cannot be me, so what do I put back in this empty suit to present to the world? One’s imagination can be strikingly creative around adopting a “false self.” Another condition of trauma is becoming codependent or enmeshed in the gooey expectations of an abuser. If you can’t escape, and a child can’t, “becoming like them” does not seem so far-fetched a solution or consideration. Might one even take on, or adopt the characteristics of one’s caretaker, to make one feel safe? It is the disapproval, fear of the rageful rejection, what wouldn’t one do to be safe from it… as a powerless, vulnerable child?

So many things are locked away, shut down, protecting myself from disapproval and rejection. I can’t own my sexuality for fear of ridicule and condemnation. I cannot dance for fear of ridicule, hypervigilant self-consciousness monitoring of me, judging me, and verbally enforcing the judgment. I can’t exit a relationship with another for fear of emotion-backed disapproval. That trauma drama of experiencing anger from another, or most especially hurting their feelings, that is strictly forbidden, verboten! Everything must be nice and tidy, safe, gentle, jovial, agreeable, PLEASING – FAKED! It can’t be contradictory, antagonistic, or disagreeable. It must be “pleasant” to avoid the risk of unleashing the secret, lurking, emotions of fury, hidden behind – the closed front door. That core of self that is paralyzed from even seeing the truth of what I just wrote; THAT is where I need to look in therapy. That is my mission’s new course. It is all blocked and repressed, numbed out by the INTERNALIZED fear of anger and REJECTION. At my core it is all about the inability to bond, to feel connected, and to feel loved. Why is my emotional affect shut down, stoically frozen in public? Fear of ridicule, and a rageful, contemptuous judgment. Why is my sexuality hidden even from myself most of the time, numbed out (asexual)? Fear of judgment, scorn, and shaming. What are most of my issues based on? “Internalized FEAR!” of rage, disapproval, and rejection. Attachment problems, feeling so different from others, “unlovable,” and it must be something about me that is “different, and unacceptable (toxic shame) created by internalized TRAUMA.”

What are my goals in therapy and life? Getting to that core of reclaiming my traumatized, abandoned self. Self-love recovery and repair, the journey, step by baby step, learning to risk being expression-full, calming myself, and trying to free my blocked and frozen emotions. State what I authentically mean, believe, and want. BE PRESENT and speak up. Be expressive of my sexuality, learn to own it, and to reclaim it; learn to fight back and stand up for myself. Rethink the learned trauma, associated with being the cause of another’s anger, upset, rage, (their hurt). Let them be themselves with their own emotions, separate from mine. Reclaim and recognize “the truth,” reality: I am not the cause of others’ emotions. Stop owning others’ emotions. I am not them; I am me, and I am reclaiming that little boy in the corner who needs my love and support (SELF LOVE!). This is my intention. He is never going away again, and he never should have. My mission is to help that little boy stand up on his own two feet, come back to me, and allow me to reclaim him. I have not been who I am; he is who I am, and I see he has had enough punishment for a lifetime.

Now that is getting to The Heart of the Matter.

Photo by Gabriel Mihalcea on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/14/the-heart-of-the-matter/feed/ 4 How Do We Live Amidst Uncertainty? https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/06/how-do-we-live-amidst-uncertainty/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/06/how-do-we-live-amidst-uncertainty/#respond Tue, 06 May 2025 12:02:37 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987499983 I am grateful to each of you who reads our articles, blogs, and messages.  I am also so grateful to have followed my own dream and started writing, developing this space that allows me to share information in these posts.

As we continue to live in what seems like increasing uncertainty in the world on a daily basis, I wanted to share a few ideas around change and how to manage a life of unknowns.

Change doesn’t stop coming.

Life is full of changes, development, and growth throughout time. Some of those changes feel good — they are easy to see as positive growth. Some changes feel scary, dysregulating or destabilizing. No matter what changes in life occur, we must find a way to live. We must find a way to live in a life where we don’t know what is going to happen next. We learn to live with uncertainty. 

Uncertainty can be in anything from the bigger world issues to your relationships, to the weather, or anything in between. Because even if we have grown comfortable riding the waves of life (by having wide, expansive windows of tolerance), it doesn’t mean we’re in control. Sometimes uncertainty pushes hard on our growth edges. For trauma survivors who have grown up with uncertainty that included danger and abuse, uncertainty can be especially triggering.

I know many of you are living in fear right now, some of which feels so familiar to the past – dangerous and even scary. Do you find yourself living in fight, flight, or freeze? Is that fear current, or is it fueled by the past? Is there a way it can be safe enough for you to live in the current uncertainty? Here are some ideas…

Trees bend, so they don’t break.

A tree can withstand ferocious winds at times because, while it’s strong, it bends. It sways. It can tolerate floods and droughts. That is because with trees, there is a built-in flexibility. Conditions don’t have to be exactly perfect for it to survive, stand strong, grow, and at times, even thrive. Some seasons are harder than others. And most trees withstand the daily changes by bending and swaying, always continuing to grow. As a human being, this type of flexibility is also necessary.

Change is hard. There can be mourning or grief.

Uncertainty and change come with grief … even for “happy” times, when things are “supposed to” be good. Getting married, having a child, going to college, and getting a new job — all come with joy, uncertainty, and grief. We never know what is next – even if we try really hard to plan for it! As we move on to something new, we lose what was.  We only mourn or grieve for things that have meaning for us. Grieving is important – it makes space for feelings. We must feel the grief and find a new way forward … to renegotiate with ourselves our view of what life looks like. The narrative changes, and the story goes on. It happens. Everyday. People do this all the time in big and small ways and come out better on the other side.

Different seasons require different skills and coping mechanisms.

Sitting in uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. It can feel scary. How do we self-regulate? We can sway, bend, reassess, and renegotiate. We can find ways to add joy. We can bring forth the skills we need at the moment, and then notice when our coping skills need an update.

The healing you’ve done doesn’t go away. It gets built upon.

Yes, even those who have done work on themselves, who have grown and repaired hurt, get triggered. Change and uncertainty can trigger fear or pain. No one is immune to feeling pain. Certain circumstances might expose the need for further repair or healing. You might find that you start to rely more heavily upon old coping mechanisms again. It’s important to remember that the healing you’ve already done stays with you. Healing never ends. We keep growing and healing for our whole lives.

We can learn from trauma survivors.

Trauma survivors lived with uncertainty. They lived with pain. They figured out how to live in the most uncertain circumstances, again and again. They are humans who overcome the most insurmountable horrors and still survive and thrive. Trauma survivors remind me every day of the amazing resilience inside the human spirit. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by trauma survivors because they hold superpowers. They figure out how to survive. Those who didn’t experience complex trauma early in life may only be starting to accumulate trauma recently, beginning even with the threat to safety and life that the COVID-19 pandemic brought, and then moving on to other life events.  

Can you notice finding solace, hope, and tried-and-true empowerment in those who have healed and thrived after trauma? Noticing the strength in those who survived such horrific experiences and have worked to heal and repair themselves. Trauma survivors exude resilience. They figure it out. They then do the work. If you think you can’t do it, look at a trauma survivor to know what’s possible. We just have to find the way. We can learn.

Even when uncertainty makes you feel destabilized, can you remember your healthy coping skills? Can you notice or find some safety? How can we increase your capacity to be present in the hard work you are doing?

Grace is necessary!

Humans aren’t perfect. Healing isn’t linear. Some days and periods are harder than others. Some periods test us beyond measure, and some people experience different levels of hardship. Some won’t adhere perfectly to the path they set out. Some will fall down completely. Compassion is one of the most important things you can give yourself. Please make space to be human. 

Connection is (still, and always will be) everything.

Look to your people. Lean on your people. Safety is found in connection. Look for the helpers. If lack of trust is getting in the way, read this. If you’re starting to see your current relationships differently as you heal from trauma, read this. You deserve a connection.

Finding ways to laugh can provide relief.

In Judaism, we sit shiva after a loved one passes away. This is a time for grief. This is also a time for connection – being with our grief and our people at the same time.  Inevitably, while being together in grief, along with the sadness and the loss, someone shares a funny story or anecdote. We remember with joy and even laughter, and laughter is a grounding and unifying force. Even in grief and uncertainty of what is next, we can feel sadness, laugh, and feel connected, knowing we are not alone in our pain. 

Breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. Notice what you do have in your life. Notice your ability to breathe. Notice who you have in your life. Look at the strong and resilient trees. Take example from trauma survivors.

Notice we have been writing about this for years: Here are some more tips on how to survive trauma in the least harmful way possible.

When we are scared…

When we don’t know what will happen next…

We can fight, take flight, or freeze.

Or we can — as often as possible — breathe, stay present, notice what we need in each moment, give it to ourselves, and put whatever good we can into the world.

As a therapist, I’m going to attend to uncertainty as I always have. By staying consistent, adaptably steady. By providing a safe space. By finding strength in my community. By giving and receiving kindness and care.

In life, we manage uncertainty every day. Sometimes it’s easier, and sometimes it’s harder. Sometimes we need to have a day to grieve, take a step back, be in our pajamas, breathe and cry, and grow. And then we connect. And we figure out a new path. And we heal … And then it happens again.

Life is full of uncertainty. It takes a lot of resilience to keep getting back up — and sometimes we have to borrow and share that resilience. Isolation is not the way forward. Connection is the way forward. Connection builds our resilience. Isolation doesn’t have shared resources. Together we do.

More resources will come as we continue to connect.

Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/05/06/how-do-we-live-amidst-uncertainty/feed/ 0 Grounding Techniques That Helped Me Reconnect With My Body https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/#respond Mon, 14 Apr 2025 08:38:57 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987500119 My Struggle with Disconnection

In October 2023, I was diagnosed with severe borderline personality disorder (BPD), which can be linked to complex trauma (CPTSD). For most people, getting diagnosed with a mental health disorder can be scary. But it offered me a moment of clarity. It was as if everything I struggled with finally made sense.

I realized why I felt so disconnected from myself, the world, and others, especially in times of high stress. Borderline personality disorder is linked to emotional trauma, which left me feeling disconnected from my body. I struggled with dissociation, emptiness, and emotional dysregulation. There were times when I lacked empathy or passion. My feelings often felt like they were “stuck” in survival mode. Either I acted out impulsively, or I felt apathetic.

My diagnosis was a light bulb moment. Over the years, therapists and counselors misdiagnosed me with mild depression and generalized anxiety. When I got diagnosed with BPD and complex trauma, I realized that I needed to reconnect with my body. To feel whole, I needed to feel at home with myself again. I was desperate to find ways to heal emotionally. In my healing journey, I came across grounding techniques.

The Importance of Grounding for Trauma Survivors

It was through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that I learned about grounding. This practice can help you get out of your mind and back into your body. Through grounding, you’ll learn how to escape your unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions, or memories in a safe and healthy manner. From there, you’ll ground yourself in the present moment. These techniques can be helpful for individuals with BPD and CPTSD.

Grounding is beneficial for those who suffer from anxiety or panic attacks associated with traumatic episodes. These techniques regulate the nervous system and make you feel safe within your body. You can use grounding techniques to escape overwhelming and distressing feelings anytime. They can be beneficial for those who struggle with the following:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • dissociation
  • impulsive feelings
  • mood
  • stress

There are three types of grounding techniques for complex trauma:

  • Mental grounding: Mindfulness exercises like body scan, breath awareness, and nature grounding.
  • Physical grounding: Simply going for a walk or focusing on your five senses can help you become more aware of your surroundings.
  • Soothing grounding: Notice the feelings in your body; listen to your breath and the sounds around you.

Technique 1: Somatic Shaking

The first time I heard about somatic shaking was on an episode of the Back from the Borderline podcast. This grounding technique involves shaking certain body parts to release stored energy or tension. It can be powerful for relieving stress and trauma, which gets stored in the body.

You might have heard the saying, “The body keeps the score,” dubbed by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Some experts recommend somatic shaking for five to 10 minutes per time. But you can do it for two to five minutes if you prefer. There are many different types of somatic shaking techniques. But here’s one way to do it every morning after waking up:

  • Warm up or exercise beforehand.
  • Gently shake your wrists and hands.
  • Notice how your breath feels.
  • Continue shaking for two to five minutes.

At first, you might feel silly doing somatic shaking. But it’s not about how you look. It’s about how you feel afterward. I shake my entire body, which makes me look like Napoleon Dynamite trying to dance. But I feel much better. The built-up tension and energy leave my body. You can also do it as often as you want throughout the day.

Technique 2: Mindfulness for Embodiment

Mindfulness is a concept I learned years ago, long before I was diagnosed with BPD. At the time, I was learning concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), some of which still help me to this day. Of course, as with all therapies, you should take what works and leave the rest.

Mindfulness allowed me to become more aware of my body. I no longer had to live in fear or fight-or-flight mode. For most of my life, I’ve felt uncomfortable about being in my body. I got used to being disconnected. Thanks to mindfulness, I could live in the present moment without fear.

It involves embodiment practices that help cultivate self-awareness, connection, self-regulation, and balance. Mindfulness is not just a mental practice. It’s a way of life. Embodied mindfulness practices allow you to release negative emotions and heal from trauma or unresolved issues.

Common mindfulness exercises include body scanning, deep breathing, and thought clouds. With continued practice, you’ll clear your mind and become more centered. Here are some simple ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life:

  • Start by practicing with a guided meditation or breathing exercise.
  • Journal your gratitude list or your negative thoughts or feelings.
  • Incorporate meditation or yoga into your morning routine.
  • Practice one mind in daily practice.
  • Mindfully eat a meal or engage in a conversation.

Technique 3: The Five Deep Breaths Technique

Each morning, after I meditate, I practice the Five Deep Breaths Practice from the Whole Being Institute. This is a revolutionary take on the “Three Deep Breaths” technique by martial arts expert Thomas Crum. This practice was extended to five deep breaths. However, you’re free to make it all your own. Modify this practice to make it work for you.

Here are the guidelines for this practice:

  • Take your first deep breath and breathe out.
  • Take your second breath and express what you’re grateful for. (Example: “I’m grateful for the sunshine,” or “I’m grateful for my health.”)
  • Take a third deep breath and focus on how you want to show up today. (Example: “Today I will be mindful,” or “Today I will be peaceful.”)
  • Take a fourth deep breath and consider how you want to portray your ideal self. Who or what do you want to be? (Example: “I am a mindful individual who lives in the present moment.”
  • Take a fifth and final deep breath in and out to finish.

How do you feel? I love using this technique every morning. It makes me feel better than I do when I first wake up. Not only does it relieve anxiety, but it also heals trauma, depression, and emotional distress. It can also help you focus and maintain your moods. I would consider trying this technique once a day, at least in the mornings.

How These Techniques Changed My Healing Journey

Grounding transformed my relationship with my body. It allowed me to reconnect with myself and become whole again. But it’s only a part of the healing process. Healing itself is a journey. As always, start where you are. Only choose one or two practices to start with. Stick to what works and disregard the rest.

Conclusion

Remember, reconnecting with your body can take time. It’s okay if you need to go at your own pace. Healing is a race, not a sprint. There’s no need to cross the finish line. It’s a journey that you make all your own.

You’re not alone in your journey. I have struggled like you and found freedom through these practices. You can always come back home to yourself. Have you tried any of the techniques? Share your experience in the comment section below.

Photo by Clint McKoy on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/feed/ 0 CPTSD and Long-Term Personality Changes: Navigating Trust and Transformation https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/12/19/cptsd-and-long-term-personality-changes-navigating-trust-and-transformation/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/12/19/cptsd-and-long-term-personality-changes-navigating-trust-and-transformation/#respond Thu, 19 Dec 2024 15:57:11 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987499423 Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) arises from prolonged exposure to trauma, often in situations where escape feels impossible. Unlike PTSD, which is generally linked to a single traumatic event, CPTSD develops over time in contexts like childhood abuse, domestic violence, or captivity. The prolonged nature of the trauma leaves deep emotional, psychological, and even physical scars. Over time, this can result in significant personality changes and deeply rooted challenges with trust.

Understanding the Impact of CPTSD on Personality

Trauma fundamentally changes how individuals view themselves, others, and the world around them. In CPTSD, the effects are often pervasive, shaping emotions, beliefs, and behaviours. Common personality changes may include hypervigilance, where individuals are constantly alert to potential danger, and persistent low self-worth, driven by feelings of guilt or shame. Many people with CPTSD also experience emotional dysregulation, where they struggle to manage intense emotions, often cycling through anger, sadness, or anxiety. These changes are survival mechanisms developed during periods of trauma but tend to persist, disrupting relationships and everyday life even when danger has passed.

How CPTSD Impacts Trust

Trust is one of the most significant casualties of prolonged trauma. The very essence of CPTSD involves a betrayal of safety, which creates deep-seated mistrust in people, systems, and even oneself.

For individuals with CPTSD, trusting others often feels unsafe or even dangerous. Relationships may be approached with suspicion, skepticism, or outright avoidance, as they constantly anticipate betrayal. Conversely, some survivors may overextend trust to gain approval or prevent rejection, leaving them vulnerable to exploitation or re-traumatisation.

Trust issues also extend inward. Many survivors struggle with self-doubt, questioning their own perceptions, decisions, or worth. This internalised mistrust can feel paralysing, preventing individuals from confidently navigating relationships or decisions. Furthermore, fear of intimacy often develops, as the vulnerability required for deep connections triggers reminders of past betrayals, leading to emotional walls and isolation.

Personality Changes Over Time

The cumulative impact of trust issues and trauma responses often leads to significant long-term personality changes. While not universal, many people with CPTSD experience heightened sensitivity to rejection. This can cause intense emotional reactions to perceived slights, even if unintentional.

Defensive behaviours are also common, such as isolating from others or relying on perfectionism as a means of control and protection. These coping mechanisms, while initially protective, can prevent individuals from forming meaningful connections or embracing growth.

Chronic guilt or shame also becomes a dominant trait for many. Survivors of prolonged trauma often internalise their experiences, believing they are fundamentally flawed or to blame for their suffering. These beliefs shape identity and self-esteem, making it difficult to engage confidently with the world.

Lastly, relationships may oscillate between extremes of closeness and distancing as survivors struggle to balance the fear of abandonment with the need for connection. This dynamic can lead to cycles of idealisation and devaluation, further complicating personal and social interactions.

The Path to Healing and Growth

While CPTSD creates significant challenges, healing and growth are attainable with the right tools and support. Rebuilding trust and addressing personality changes involves small, intentional steps and a willingness to confront past wounds.

  • Seek Trauma-Informed Therapy: Approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) are highly effective in addressing trauma’s root causes and teaching new coping mechanisms.
  • Rebuild Trust Gradually: Begin by trusting yourself through small commitments and achievable goals. Surround yourself with safe individuals who demonstrate reliability and respect.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Healing guilt and shame starts with kindness toward yourself. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, and affirmations can challenge negative beliefs and reinforce your worth.
  • Develop Healthy Boundaries: Learn to set and maintain boundaries in relationships, protecting your emotional and mental space while fostering mutual respect.

Engage in Support Networks: Whether through support groups, friends, or community resources, connecting with others who understand your journey can provide strength and validation.

A Journey of Transformation

The effects of CPTSD on trust and personality are deeply ingrained but not insurmountable. Healing requires patience, persistence, and support from trusted professionals and networks. Through intentional effort, survivors can begin to rebuild their sense of self, reclaim their resilience, and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

While the road to recovery may be challenging, it also offers opportunities for profound transformation. By addressing the wounds of the past, individuals with CPTSD can step into a future defined not by their trauma but by their strength, growth, and renewed ability to trust.

If you have been impacted by betrayal, you might like to check out my blog, Betrayal Trauma & CPTSD. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/09/22/betrayal-trauma-cptsd/

Photo from Unsplash: timo-stern-EvcUtLF12XQ-unsplash.jpg

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/12/19/cptsd-and-long-term-personality-changes-navigating-trust-and-transformation/feed/ 0 All Tangled Up Inside – Nervous System Dysregulation https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/10/09/all-tangled-up-inside-nervous-system-dysregulation/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/10/09/all-tangled-up-inside-nervous-system-dysregulation/#comments Wed, 09 Oct 2024 09:38:32 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987498767 This is how I would have described myself in the throes of nervous system dysregulation. It began in childhood, with recurring nightmares of knots inside me growing tighter and tighter, bigger and bigger, until I would wake up terrified and breathless.

Today, I share my deepest gratitude for:

  • Discovering how my nervous system kept me bound by webs that stifled my healing and growth.
  • Realizing how it literally saved my life but forgot to set me free.
  • Finally, by restoring it, I’ve been able to taste the taste of thriving despite everything.

“Our nervous system is an archive of all our most stressful and traumatic experiences, from conception to now. It shapes how we move, feel, think, behave, listen, speak, perceive, and interact with life, people, stressful situations and relationships today.”

I can now say ‘thank you’ to my nervous system for keeping me alive while I take back control and BE here, now—connected, curious, and yes, far more compassionate!

When we grow to love our nervous system and our full range of feelings, we find a reassuring inner freedom. No matter what arises, we can meet ourselves with a quality of care that promotes healing instead of reigniting the cortisol bomb that’s always ready to blow—or withdrawing because it just feels all too much.

“No matter how choppy the waters of life become, or when the strong winds of emotions want to kick up an inner (and possibly outer) storm, you can act from a deeper wisdom, knowing ‘you’ve got this,’ even if it’s a little messy for a while.”

Nervous system restoration is “not about rescue—though for a time we may need rescue tools. Ultimately, it’s about living life in real-time with a lifelong healing vision, feeling resourced, and reclaiming your sense of self every step of the way.”

The danger is: if we don’t figure out our nervous system, we will never have a true sense of well-being and health

But there is a danger ⚠️, and that danger is: if we don’t figure out our nervous system, we will never have a true sense of well-being and health, inner control, or peace. The nervous system will drive us to distraction and drain our vital energy, leaving us exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

We cannot just hope we’ll heal someday or once things pass (I’ve tried that and stayed stuck in stress mode). Instead, we can take action that instills hope by helping us feel more connected and in control. This change can happen slowly over time or, for some, pretty quickly when we shift from hopeful healing to helpful healing.

We need to create space to recover and breathe. Honestly, I used to roll my eyes when people waved the “breathe” flag. I’d think, ‘How could breathing possibly help me get through a divorce, financial devastation, and giving up my home as a trade-off for peace as I raise my innocent daughter?’ on top of all my childhood unresolved trauma. And truthfully, breathing couldn’t be my first doorway, given the panic and tension I felt inside. (In yoga classes, I would ‘fake breathe’ all the time!)

My road back to self-regulation started with bilateral stimulation and learning not only how to ‘stack my brain’ in my favor but also how to balance and stimulate it to optimize my ability to function and thrive. FYI—that’s why I stuck with Trauma Informed yoga and taught myself how to consciously move in ways that restored balance to my system and yes, now I’m happy to say that my body feels safe to breathe with ease again, too, and that in itself has been my greatest gift to myself and my emotional and physical health.

You see, “the bilateral nature of the stimulation triggers the brain’s cross-hemispheric communication, fostering a sense of coherence and balance.”

The significance of this inner freedom is, that it’s your birthright. You can’t thrive on just the ‘hope of healing,’ especially if you have chronic stress or trauma-related stress, the source of which resides in your neurophysiology. Talking alone often isn’t enough and used to completely overwhelm my nervous system. It would take me days to recover from the exhaustion I felt after a session, the sleepless nights and emotional dysregulation. I realized that too much wanted to come out all at the same time. When I directed my energy towards restoring safety to my nervous system, I felt less and less distressed and more and more emotionally resilient.

I’ve learned from hard-won experience that real and tangible change happens when we turn our attention inward and decipher the seemingly complex language scripted by our past’s need to “just survive this lifetime.”

If you have never explored how nervous system restoration can support your healing journey. What you will gain is more than just mind-body awareness; you’ll achieve embodied awareness, enhancing your capacity to:

  • Feel safe with your emotions and reduce overwhelm.
  • Recover from stressful events and situations with greater ease.
  • Feel less triggered over time and more empowered to cope.
  • Improve the quality of your listening, care, and compassion.
  • Strengthen and sooth your inner and outer voice.
  • Unlock your healing potential.
  • Enhance your heart’s happiness.
  • Harmonize your gut health.
  • And learn to ‘Be’ , ‘Truly Be’ while you positively influence your future.

Through engaging, creative methods, you’ll experience internal shifts that promote stress resilience and facilitate emotional processing by redefining your relationship with your body’s innate wisdom, that is always trying to guide your healing.

Many in recovery describe their newfound embodied wisdom as “unbelievable.” If you feel entangled in past experiences or overwhelmed in the present, you can unravel the inner tangles that keep you from feeling connected with yourself.

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

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