This is where you come from, this is who you are, and don’t you forget it. Let’s cut you (and whatever semblances of confidence and self-esteem you have scraped together since last we met) down to a devourable size. Then let’s be having you, again and again and again.

Just like old times. Only you’re no longer little. What makes this even more fun is that you are all grown up now, and back here out of your own free will. Things can’t have been so very terrible, can they, if you keep rocking up for more of the same, and to play happy families for all to see. For you are in your prime now, and potentially so very powerful.

There are no victims, only volunteers; my dear, dare I say you are asking for it?

Like the best torturers, we never left any marks (and will not have to answer to any court) but there is the danger of you realising your strength, and of you finding the words for what we have done, and for what we are. The truth to us is a like a red rag to a bull, and to keep it at bay we have to keep you discombobulated and uncertain of yourself at all times while with us: trapped in that painfully familiar, utterly false childhood self – lying, self-denying, desperately trying to please us, accepting that truth, love, confidence and happiness are unthinkable and unspeakable in this house.

You are what we want you to be, a nothing, a joke, a tool to be used at our convenience.

We will do whatever it takes. Words for us are deadly blades in this, your first home. Even after all these years, we can still take your breath away with our unfettered sadism and creative callousness. But we are getting on, and as we grow old and frail, we use your stupid morality against you: you would not want to upset someone weaker than yourself, would you?

Well, that’s a good one coming from unrepentant child abusers, but in this as in other matters, we take great delight in duping you. The past, of course, is for us to rewrite as we see fit. Go there at your own peril – we will call you a liar, a fantasist, a lunatic, whatever it takes to shut you up, and more.

Why go? Why yank your inner child back to the place it worked so hard to escape – they might have crippled you for life, but hey, it’s a holiday or a special family event, that somehow is reason enough?

You likely go because you need the approval and validation of the world in a primal, desperate way, and thus want to do right by its standards. You hunger for a healthy normality, but the thought of having a family of your own scares you senseless, as does the thought of a Christmas all by yourself.

And while the world out there pays lip service to the protection of children, it is all out of sympathy when it comes to adult survivors of child abuse – how bad can it have been, you turned out alright, be grateful, forgive … anything other than the truth will do, on this much of the world concurs with the predators. 

And yet, fortunately, the world has also begun to change over the last decade or so. 2025 saw the release of Eamon Dolan’s excellent book, The Power of Parting, Finding Peace and Freedom through Family Estrangement – one of many powerful experiential and academic contributions to a thriving field focused on legitimising cutting abusers out of one’s life.

Alice Segell is a pseudonym. The author is a wife, researcher, writer and survivor.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

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Alice Segell

Alice Segell is a pseudonym. The author is a wife, researcher, writer and survivor.

Mental Health Isn’t a Trend. It’s a Field.

Let’s start with the basics. Real trauma, clinical trauma, impacts the structure and function of the brain. PTSD is linked to changes in the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex. It affects memory, emotional regulation, and impulse control. It’s not just a bad day at work or a breakup (Bremner, 1999). The same goes for narcissistic personality disorder. Real NPD is a rare, deeply ingrained pattern of behavior tied to dysfunctional self-perception, lack of empathy, and manipulative tendencies. It’s not just someone who posts too many selfies or talks over you at dinner (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Calling every bad date a narcissist or every ex-partner a sociopath isn’t just exaggeration. It’s a misrepresentation. And over time, it chips away at the credibility of those trying to describe real psychological harm.

A Few Clarifications. For Sanity’s Sake.

• Disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean they’re toxic. It means you’re two humans with different perspectives.
• Not liking someone doesn’t mean they’re mentally ill. Maybe you’re just incompatible.
• Not every uncomfortable conversation is someone trying to gaslight you.
• Believing something you find offensive doesn’t make a person diagnosable.

Words like narcissist, gaslighting, and trauma are clinical tools. They’re used in forensic evaluations, psychiatric assessments, trauma interventions, and court reports. If you toss them around flippantly, you turn them into noise.

Real Survivors Are Getting Lost in That Noise

Those who feel they could benefit from therapy decide they can heal themselves by listening to an influencer. People cold-turkey their medications because some anti-psychology YouTuber told them SSRIs are a government mind-control plot or that bipolar is just a frequency mismatch. Never mind that quitting psychiatric medication without medical supervision can trigger withdrawal syndromes, rebound symptoms, or, depending on the medication, life-threatening cardiac events. Sudden discontinuation of drugs like benzodiazepines or certain antidepressants has been linked to seizures, arrhythmia, and in rare cases, serotonin syndrome or death (Fava et al., 2015).

But hey, someone on YouTube said you just need to ground yourself with crystals.

I’m definitely not knocking spiritual practices. I’m all for deep breathing, energy work, compassion, kindness, walks in nature, therapy pets, whatever keeps you tethered to life when nothing else does. But time and place matter. When someone is in active psychiatric distress, they don’t need a sound bath. They need a treatment plan.

We can value holistic approaches and still acknowledge that mental illness sometimes requires more than sage and affirmations. What’s dangerous is when nuance disappears and it becomes a binary. Psychiatry “bad”, vibe healing “good.” That kind of thinking isn’t just wrong. It’s reckless.

And it’s not just vulnerable users falling into these traps. Even licensed therapists are having to spend entire sessions untangling the psychological wreckage left behind by online misinformation. They’re walking clients back from black-and-white thinking about narcissism, correcting misconceptions about what trauma even is, and reintroducing the difference between discomfort and disorder.

When a TikTok diagnosis feels more trustworthy than a clinical evaluation, something’s broken. And it’s not the patient. It’s the pipeline. The whole mental health conversation has been hijacked by clicks and charisma instead of qualifications and care. That wasted time isn’t harmless. It delays real healing. It waters down clinical triage. And it reinforces stigma. Ironically, the very thing these online advocates claim to be fighting.

The Goldwater Rule Exists for a Reason

Here’s something that seems to have vanished from the digital psyche. Ethics. Mental health professionals are prohibited from diagnosing people they haven’t assessed directly. That includes celebrities. That includes your ex. And that includes viral clips. Yet here we are. Social media threads are diagnosing politicians with antisocial traits. Instagram captions using CPTSD to explain being ghosted. Reddit advice columns throwing around “covert narcissist” like it’s a horoscope. Let’s be blunt. If you’re not qualified to diagnose in person, you’re not qualified to diagnose online. Your trauma doesn’t give you a license. Your heartbreak doesn’t give you credentials.

Words Are Tools. Don’t Use Them Like Weapons.

This is not about being politically correct. It is about being clinically correct. If we want people to take trauma seriously, we need to protect the vocabulary that gives it shape.

• When you call someone a narcissist just because they hurt your feelings, you’re erasing the woman who spent ten years living under covert emotional abuse.
• When you say you’re being gaslit because someone remembers an event differently, you’re sidelining the man whose reality was systematically rewritten by an abuser.
• When you label a breakup trauma, you’re standing on the shoulders of people whose trauma has rewired their nervous system.

And no, saying language evolves doesn’t give you a free pass to rewrite diagnoses to suit your mood. This isn’t slang. This is science.

The Fallout Isn’t Theoretical

Here’s what happens when diagnostic terms become casual insults.

• PTSD gets mocked. Misuse turns it into a punchline.
• Survivors lose credibility. Legal claims become harder to support.
• Clinicians lose time. Every distorted self-diagnosis adds another layer to peel back before treatment can begin.
• Social trust erodes. People stop listening when everything feels like an exaggeration.
• Misconceptions about PTSD can affect treatment-seeking and amplify stigma among patients, clinicians, and the public (Marshall et al., 2001).

Bottom Line: Accuracy Isn’t Optional

If you (really) care about mental health, then language matters. Accuracy matters. Ethics matter.

You don’t need a license to be compassionate. But if you’re going to use clinical words, then respect what they actually mean. Because every time you misuse those words, you’re not just being wrong. You’re making it harder for someone else to be taken seriously when they need help most.

Real trauma survivors don’t need your TikTok validation. They need room to heal in peace. With truth. With integrity. And with words that still mean what they’re supposed to mean.

References

• American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing; 2013.

• Bremner JD. Does stress damage the brain? Biol Psychiatry. 1999 Apr 15;45(8):797-805. doi:10.1016/S0006-3223(98)00189-8

• Marshall RD, Olfson M, Hellman F, Blanco C, Guardino M, Struening EL. Comorbidity, Impairment, and Suicidality in Subthreshold PTSD. Am J Psychiatry. 2001;158(9):1467–1473. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.158.9.1467

• Shade M, Kwon M, Cowan K, Bowe B. TikTok Therapy: Mental Health Information and Misinformation in Short-Form Videos. JMIR Ment Health. 2023 Feb 3;10:e43837. doi:10.2196/43837

  Photo by Total Shape on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Dr. Mozelle Martin

Dr. Mozelle Martin is a retired trauma therapist and former Clinical Director of a trauma center, with extensive experience in forensic psychology, criminology, and applied ethics. A survivor of childhood and young adulthood trauma, Dr. Martin has dedicated decades to understanding the psychological and ethical complexities of trauma, crime, and accountability. Her career began as a volunteer in a women’s domestic violence shelter, then as a SA hospital advocate, later becoming a Crisis Therapist working alongside law enforcement on the streets of Phoenix. She went on to earn an AS in Psychology, a BS in Forensic Psychology, an MA in Criminology, and a PhD in Applied Ethics, ultimately working extensively in forensic mental health—providing psychological assessments, intervention, and rehabilitative support with inmates and in the community. A published author and lifelong student of life, she continues to explore the relationship and crossovers of forensic science, mental health, and ethical accountability in both historical and modern contexts.

www.InkProfiler.com