This piece will discuss how complex trauma, CPTSD, and PTSD affect you today. We will also discover together that, despite these three diagnoses, you can overcome them while maintaining and possibly gaining more respect for yourself.

What is Complex Trauma?

Complex or relational trauma is experienced as a child or an adult. First named in the 1990s by Judith Lewis Herman, Ph.D., complex trauma has much in common with post-traumatic stress disorder sharing some symptoms.

However, complex trauma has added symptoms, such as:

Emotional symptoms

Disbelief, shock, denial
Difficulty concentrating
Confusion
Anger
Mood swings
Irritability
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt and shame
Feeling hopeless
Being numb

Physical symptoms

Fatigue
Racing heartbeat
Unexplained aches and pains
Insomnia
Nightmares
Startling easily
Muscle tension

Complex trauma forms from exposure to an incident or series of life-threatening experiences with no hope of escape. At the same time, there are as many traumatic events as there are people on earth, some of the most severe are listed below.

Childhood neglect
Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse
Having a family member who is mentally ill
Having a family member who abuses drugs or alcohol
Living in poverty
A sudden separation from a loved one
Racism, oppression
Violence in the neighborhood, war, or terrorism

Although anyone may experience complex trauma at any age, children are more likely to experience it than adults. It has long-term effects on their health and developing brains. These events are more commonly called adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and can be measured with questions about adverse events suffered as a child. The higher the ACE score, the more likely adults will be affected by complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

Members of the LGBTQIA+ population are at high risk of having a high ACE score and suffering from the mental and physical problems associated with it.

The LGBTQIA+ Community and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder forms when a person experiences overwhelming trauma and feels hopeless to escape. The most common types of trauma are abuses of all types, including narcissistic abuse.

CPTSD is a response to chronic traumatization that occurs over months or even years (Herman, 1992). Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is more often found in children and adults who have experienced multiple instances of abuse. Such adults who are held captive or in fear for their lives from those in society who would harm them also form CPTSD.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder has all the symptoms of complex trauma plus the following:

Losing memories of trauma or reliving them
Difficulty regulating emotions that often manifest as rage
Depression
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Sudden mood swings
Feeling detached from oneself
Feeling different from others
Feeling ashamed
Feeling guilty

CPTSD has more symptoms than listed.

CPTSD also has the symptoms of PTSD. However, there is a distinct difference between the two, as PTSD occurs in adulthood and does not include the above symptoms.

The LGBTQIA+ Community and PTSD

The LGBTQIA+ community experiences a range of stressors in their adult lives, including bullying, intimate partner violence, harassment, and physical and sexual abuse. This complex trauma causes distress and can harm and predispose individuals to stress-related disorders.

One such disorder is post-traumatic stress disorder, a problem that inhibits the person’s ability to handle everyday living.

Unfortunately, the LGBTQIA+ community is at high risk of developing PTSD, with a prevalence of 48% of LGB people and 42% of transgender and gender-diverse folks.

One review found that 54% of men that identify as gay and 85% of women who identify as lesbian or bisexual experienced sexual assault (complex trauma).

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

Problems with trust
Feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt
Problems controlling emotions
Difficulty feeling connected to others
Relationship problems
Having trouble keeping friends and partners
Being startled or frightened easily
Being on guard for danger
Self-destructive behavior
Trouble sleeping
Trouble concentrating
Irritability
Angry outbursts
Guilt or shame
Vivid flashbacks

Post-traumatic stress disorder, like the others, while the symptoms are distressing, is a normal response to overwhelming trauma but treatment is available that can help.

Treatment for Complex Trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD

Suppose you are experiencing the overwhelming symptoms of complex trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, or complex post-traumatic stress disorder. In that case, you will need someone to help you navigate yourself to health.

Psychotherapy is recommended because of the deep hard-to-heal scars that complex trauma brings. Finding a therapist is difficult for everyone, but especially hard for someone who is queer. Be upfront with whomever you interview to be your therapist. Tell them you are a member of the LBGTQIA+ community and judge their response to decide if you should hire them.

You learn so much about yourself in therapy, such as who you are and what you want from life. You also learn to face your shortcomings and find good qualities you hadn’t considered before.

Once you enter therapy, you will begin to walk down the road less taken to healing, and because complex trauma leaves deep scars, the journey may take longer than you want, but not as long as you fear.

You also face your past head-on, and that is painful.

Helping Yourself to Heal

You can do many things to lessen the effects of trauma on your life.

Advocate for yourself. It is okay to ask for what you want because you deserve the best life offers. You must never give up on your dreams and work hard to achieve them. Tell yourself every day that you are worthwhile. Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself that you are enough.

Set healthy boundaries with others. Set these boundaries in all your relationships. You have the right to define your limits as far as what you allow others to do. You also have the right to say NO; use it if you need to without fear or reservation.

Leave the past in the past. This step is crucial for you to feel whole and well. Yes, your history was horrid, but you live here and now, plus your future is bright if you fight for it.

Don’t listen to hate. There is so much hatred in our society in the United States right now toward the LGBTQIA+ community that it turns my stomach. Hatred in any form is vile, and those who perpetrate it should be ashamed. Close your ears to hateful words and seek people who will accept you just as you are and give you enough love to cancel the hate.

Ending Our Time Together

The point of this piece was to alert my friends in the LGBTQIA+ community to disorders they may not fully understand but may have in their lives. I wanted to help with a better understanding of complex trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD.

I failed to mention in the article that you can have all three disorders simultaneously; I know this from personal experience.

Whoever you are who is reading this, remember that you are not your history. You are not your diagnosis. You are not what the haters say you are.

You are the only you in the entire universe, and we need your voice to make life better for everyone. Use your voice for good and spread love and pride.

“Give voice to what you know to be true, and do not fear being disliked or exiled. I think that’s the hard work of standing up for what you see.” – Eve Ensler

“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” – Malala Yousafzai

“Speak up and speak clearly. I want to hear what you have to say because it matters. Let’s listen to each other and respect one another’s opinions.” – Felicia Johnson

References

Herman, J. L. (1992). Complex PTSD: A syndrome in survivors of prolonged and repeated trauma. Journal of traumatic stress, 5(3), 377-391.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

Some of us, within the LGBTQA+ community, face additional barriers when disclosing our stories of child sexual abuse. The myths and misconceptions about sexuality and child abuse are hurting us and stopping some of us from sharing our experiences.

Years ago, a friend of mine told me: that when I was a child, back home, I was raped by a man. “And I enjoyed it. I am gay. I think it might be because of what happened to me.” I didn’t know what to say. But it didn’t seem right that his sexuality was the effect of abuse by an older man.

More recently, another friend of mine confided in me her family declared she was a Lesbian because of what her Dad did to her. Her sexuality was bringing more shame to her religious mother and sister than the fact that their husband/ father raped her and got her pregnant.

While taking part in a study for treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, when asked about my sexuality, I answered: “I am Bi.” I was informed that a common symptom of BPD was confusion about one’s sexuality. I made it clear, that I was not confused at all: I am Bi! During my year in care, my carer was a Pentecostal Church goer. They too believed homosexuality was a result of sexual abuse or a sign of the devil… Of something terribly wrong!

Some Gay men feel they can’t share their experiences of child sexual abuse, especially if their bodies responded to touch, as a body naturally does, thinking this is the root of their homosexuality. Some are told they probably asked for it, or it wasn’t that bad if they ejaculated.

Another silly idea is that Lesbians are the way they are because being abused by a man put them off the opposite sex.

The Engagement with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/ questioning + victims and survivors Report, from The Independent Enquiry – child sexual abuse, published in May 2022, shares experiences from victims and survivors:

“People might say ‘she is the way she is because of the abuse’.” and “If we are LGBTQ because a man abused us and ‘we are blaming all men’ or if we got abused by a woman we ‘are confused’”. LGBTQ+ victims and survivors

“It took me a while to come out as I attached my child sexual abuse with being gay.” LGBTQ+ victim and survivor

“I’ve been asked whether I’m non-binary specifically because I experienced child sexual abuse and whether I’m turning my discomfort with my body from the sexual abuse into a gender issue that isn’t really there.” LGBTQ+ victim and survivor

“People who ‘subscribe’ to any form of so-called ‘alternative’ lifestyles – whether that be in dress, lifestyle or whatever, seem to be blamed more for any abuse they receive as if they are somehow either getting what they ‘deserve’, or asking for abuse by the way they dress or live their lives.” LGBTQ+ victim and survivor

It is heartbreaking to read these experiences: here are individuals who have been hurt in a deep way and who are, as adults (of all genders) further dismissed, judged, and abandoned by enablers (of all genders) in the name of God, of what is “normal”. The suffering of raped children is being completely discarded.  Some of us have no one to turn to.

My dear friends from the LGBTQA+ community, I see you. I hear you. I stand with you.

Sylvie

Resources:

The Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse – IICSA:  ” …chaired by Professor Alexis Jay OBE (pictured), was set up because of serious concerns that some organisations had failed and were continuing to fail to protect children from sexual abuse…”

London LGBTQ+ Resources –  from Rainbow Mind: “Rainbow Mind supports LGBTQI+ mental health.

Run and led by LGBTQI+ people, we offer inclusive, sensitive, non-judgemental support and a safe space to connect with others. We know that LGBTQI+ people are more at risk of poor mental health. That’s why we’ve developed Rainbow Mind services.”

(Also published on Winter Turns into Spring)

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Sylvie Rouhani

Writer – Blogger – Poet – Mental Health and Child Abuse Activist

Deputy Editor and Journalist for Taxpayers Against Poverty

Author of The Blossoming Lotus”

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/blossoming-lotus

New Website: Breaking The Cycles

https://breakingthecycles.co.uk/

breakingthecycles.co.uk

When I tell people who know little about me that I am a survivor of domestic violence, they tend to make assumptions. First, they assume that I was in a relationship with a man. They also assume that the abuse was only physical. Unfortunately, this misconception is widespread. It negatively affects the way that LGBTQI+ survivors are able to get the help that they need. 

The Statistics Say

David Schwarzenberg, Pixabay

Queer individuals in experience domestic violence at as great of a rate (and in some cases higher) than heterosexual women. As a pansexual woman, I was, without knowing it, in one of the highest risk categories for domestic violence and intimate partner rape. 

Some of the statistics (CDC 2010):

• 61% of bisexual women have experienced some kind of IPV in their lifetime
• 22% of bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner (versus 9% of heterosexual women)
• 13% of lesbian women have been raped in their lifetime
• 46% of bisexual women have been raped in their lifetime
• 44% of lesbian women have experienced some kind of IPV in their lifetime
• 26% of gay men have experienced some kind of IPV in their lifetime
• 37% of bisexual men have experienced some kind of IPV in their lifetime

For transgender people (Peitzmeier 2020)

• Transgender individuals are 1.7 times more likely to experience IPV than cisgender people
• 37.5% of trans people have experienced physical IPV in their lifetime
• 25% of trans people have experienced sexual IPV in their lifetime

But Why?

Sabrina Groeschke, Pixabay

There are many discussions about why LGBTQI+ people are more likely to have suffered from domestic violence, but here I will speak from personal experience as a pansexual woman. People have many preconceived notions about bisexual people as a whole. Assumptions that bi and pansexual people are overtly promiscuous or hypersexual may lead to sexual victimization in the form of rape by those who think that we are “asking for it.” Partners may become more controlling because they feel that they “have to” in order to assure monogamy. Sexual coercion and forced sexual interactions with partners may be a part of how a partner reassures him or herself that a bisexual or pansexual person is not cheating or still desires them. Physical violence may manifest because a partner feels that the pansexual person’s insistence on retaining their sexual identity means lack of monogamy. People confuse someone coming out as bisexual or pansexual as a way to invite sex. 

Finally, and most importantly for the purposes of this article, when LGBTQI+ people reach out for help, they are often met with barriers. 

The Biggest Problems

Succo, Pixabay

During one of the many separations from my ex after a particularly brutal physical attack, I consulted with the police about pressing charges. Like many survivors of IPV know, it can be very difficult to come out with your story to friends, let alone authorities. People who come forward may not be believed or may even be persecuted themselves because it is hard for an outsider to step into a situation of “he said, she said” and figure out what is going on without adequate training. Now throw in all of the above prejudice against LGBTQI+ people and all of the misconceptions. Couple that with inadequate training on domestic violence in general and queer populations as a whole and you have a recipe for a disaster. Some assumptions I discovered in my attempts to get help include:

• If you’re both women, the abuse must have been mutual
• If you’re both close in size and the same gender, you should have been able to free yourself of physical or sexual harm
• As a pansexual person, if you don’t choose to label your sexuality based on your partner, you’re likely cheating and your partner is understandably upset
• Women cannot rape another woman 
• Women are less likely to abuse others in general, so you must not be telling the truth

Even my local LGBT center and theNetworklaRed, a hotline for LGBTQI+ people did not prove helpful. Both met me with even greater prejudice and incredulity than resources like TheHotline. One individual at the local LGBT center said specifically what her concern was: if this was happening in the local gay community, it could cause problems legally for others. In short, they were not willing to help. 

Since leaving, there have been similar difficulties in obtaining support. Before I can tell my story, many people want to “just understand” it. This involves asking for more detailed and specific questions than I am prepared to answer most of the time. I have learned through support communities that I am not alone in this. Women who face abuse at the hands of other women are more likely to be met with incredulity than belief in a world where that is already too often the case for many survivors.

What Do We Do?

Ramon Perucho, Pixabay

First, improvements to awareness of the intersectionality between abuse and sexuality/gender identity for authorities must occur. Training for law enforcement and judges needs to occur to protect queer people. This will need to involve domestic violence training becoming a priority for those individuals, and even for therapists who may treat people after the fact. Understanding how abusers behave and how they are likely to attempt to lay blame, manipulate, and otherwise dodge being held accountable will be useful. Understanding coercive control, as well as other forms of domestic violence, will need to occur. 

Secondly, aid needs to be readily available. In some locations, that may involve changing laws to assure that all populations are equally protected. This will involve better education of hotlines that help victims of domestic violence, as well as education for therapists treating survivors. Many of those who are in a position to help are overworked and overwhelmed, particularly during the Covid crisis. However, ensuring appropriate training can start from the outset. Volunteers and therapists must get the proper information before they even start working with the public and ongoing training is essential. 

Third, the public needs to understand that abuse is abuse, regardless of the perpetrator. There is no rule that says that abusers must be male, or that abuse needs to look a particular way. As the public becomes more aware of issues in the queer community as a whole, ensuring that they hear all parts of the story, including the negatives, is essential. To that point, I write this article and raise my voice whenever I can, and hope that others will find the strength to do the same. 

References

Mikel L. Walters; Jieru Chen; Matthew J. Breiding. (2013). National intimate partner and sexual violence SURVEY (nisvs): 2010 findings on victimization by sexual orientation. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation | Office of Justice Programs. https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/national-intimate-partner-and-sexual-violence-survey-nisvs-2010. 

Sarah M. Peitzmeier, Mannat Malik, Shanna K. Kattari, Elliot Marrow, Rob Stephenson, Madina Agénor, and Sari L. Reisner, 2020: Intimate Partner Violence in Transgender Populations: Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Prevalence and Correlates  American Journal of Public Health 110, e1_e14, https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2020.305774

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Mick McCarthy

As a survivor of domestic violence, Mick McCarthy is a dedicated advocate for children and women leaving abusive situations. Mick channels her passion into helping children as an educator for exceptional children, researching and presenting on ways to improve education for all children through the use of game-based learning, and volunteering with several organizations designed to help children who have suffered trauma or aid individuals with varying needs. In her free time, Mick is an avid writer and gamer.

After I came out to my mom at 18, she had me attend ‘Christian counseling’ – what I describe as conversion therapy lite. This took place with a counselor my mom had known for years who had bought into her narratives of what was going on. Essentially, I was told that I thought I was gay because of my strained relationship with my father and that I could live a ‘normal’ life if I just prayed enough and deferred to my mom. I didn’t want to go, to begin with, but I was afraid that if I didn’t that I would be disowned.

Though I stopped going after a few sessions, it was still enough to do quite a bit of psychological damage. ‘Christian counseling’ was not an experience that made me any less gay, but it certainly further eroded my faith in therapy, family, and religion. After having all three of those weaponized against me, attempting to undo that harm has been a years-long process. I still struggle with talking about my sexuality in therapy because of how much shame and stigma I felt after coming out.

This experience was superimposed on a lifetime of hearing ad infinitum about how sinful gay people are – how they erode the fabric of society, particularly the sacrament of marriage. I was a bit confused because my heterosexual parents had made a complete mess of their attempts at both marriage and parenting. Yet it was LGBTQ people who were scapegoated for problems that had long existed. Instead of focusing on becoming better parents or dealing with intergenerational trauma, my parents were told to double down on their controlling behaviors and pray harder, a response that only exacerbated their sense of helplessness, shame, and contempt for their children.

During my teenage years and young adulthood, the cracks in my faith began to show. As a young girl, my prayers that my parents stop fighting and that my dad would stop coming into my room to touch me at night seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Though I retreated into religion for many years, my devotion to scripture did nothing to either alleviate my social issues with peers or help me be seen by adults in my church.

After my dad was taken away by the cops one night when I was six, my mom was finally willing to leave him, and a messy, years-long divorce process ensued. Though my dad was physically abusive and a sexual predator, it was my mom who was shamed by many in our church community for the sin of breaking up our family. It was painfully clear that doctrine and faith were more important than human well-being, including the ‘family values’ I had heard so much about.

I also found myself increasingly unable to reconcile an all-powerful and just god with the limited opportunities allowed to girls and women. Shouldn’t he care about our abilities and what we have to offer? But it was clear that that was not the case. Women weren’t allowed in church leadership, and boys and girls had very different opportunities available to them.

When I came out, I was punished not for my behavior but who I was – I hadn’t so much as held hands with another girl at that time in my life – and I was finally forced to confront all those doubts about religion that had always nagged at me but had never been quite enough to change my mind. When I left home to go to university I thought that that was pretty much the end of it; that my mom was difficult and religion was not my cup of (gay) tea. That it was in the past and wouldn’t affect me anymore after that.

But the things that we try most desperately to avoid have a way of catching up to us. Shortly after I moved for grad school in 2018, a full decade after coming out, my girlfriend at the time and I went to visit a friend of mine from undergrad who lived in a nearby city. Saturday morning we went to brunch and then a market downtown.

As we were leaving, we came across a group of women at the end of the block. They were all wearing shirts saying ‘Free Mom Hugs’. I recognized them from some posts I had seen on social media. Knowing what they were about – giving hugs and emotional support to LGBTQ people who had been rejected by their families – I did my best to avoid eye contact with the woman closest to me on the sidewalk. I knew that if she looked at me, she would see right through me and I would absolutely lose it.

She did make eye contact and offered me a hug which I couldn’t refuse. I had a complete breakdown as she held me. Years of being rejected and ostracized for being gay, and countless years before that being treated with cruelty by my own mother came flooding back to me in the arms of a stranger. I surprised even myself at the depths of my pain that those old, unrecognized wounds still carried. When my deep sobbing had subsided enough for me to talk, she asked me if I was ok. I wasn’t sure.

Something that would take me a couple of years and lots of therapy to deduce was that the trauma of coming out enabled me to pin my discomfort with my abusive childhood on this somewhat more normalized experience in my community. Instead of addressing my issues with my family of origin or the incestuous religion, I was raised in, it allowed me to connect with other gay people.

I didn’t want to admit how dysfunctional my home was, and pointing to this other reason allowed me to delude myself for longer than I would have been able to otherwise. I don’t know any gay people my age who went through the coming out process unscathed. We often bond over these shared experiences. Even for those who have a good relationship with their families now, overwhelmingly that was not the case when they first spoke their truth.

Like many other LGBTQ folks, my experiences in religion have left a bad taste in my mouth. A lifetime of being told that you are sinful just for existing can really do that to you. Throw in my other traumatic and shaming experiences at the hands of my religious parents and community and it’s enough to create a deep bitterness in me at the very idea of any organized religion.

As I get older, my disdain and adamance that religion is overwhelmingly harmful to have softened into an understanding that many others’ experience with religion has been vastly different than mine. That for many, religion is a source of meaning and connection, and empathy. In a world that is too often lacking in those virtues, who I am to pass judgment on how anyone else finds purpose?

I will always carry some scars from my religious upbringing. I hope that gay and trans and bi and queer kids in the future don’t have to experience the same rejection and self-hatred that I did. Thankfully, the tide seems to be changing, in many religious circles as well as society overall. I still cry when I see welcoming churches marching in Pride parades, something I have witnessed increasingly over the past several years. LGBTQ youth are coming out at younger ages, meaning they don’t have to spend as much of their life living in shame and fear.

It has been what has felt like several lifetimes since I had faith in God or religion. I never felt loved or accepted in my family of origin. But I have taken what was previously dogmatic religious fervor and disconnection and transformed these things into faith and a sense of belonging and connection within my family of choice – our collective human family – and our infinite capacity to continue to change, learn, and grow for the better.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Cassie Sands

Cassie (they/them, she/hers) is an Aerospace Engineer, Planetary Scientist, and complex trauma survivor pursuing a PhD in Space & Planetary Sciences at the University of Arkansas. They started writing as a way to make sense of and find meaning in their own story, and write about lived experiences including childhood sexual abuse, narcissitic abuse, anxiety and depression, religious abuse, and being a queer and non-binary person. When they are not doing research or going to therapy, Cassie enjoys reading, cooking, traveling, and spending time with their dog Reggie.

Some of us may feel we’re in unfamiliar territory, and would like help navigating LBGTQ terminology. In light of these groundbreaking changes and signs of progress, we thought it might help to talk about terminology, and how to discuss transgender issues with equal respect for all. Building our knowledge will increase our awareness of sensitive issues surrounding the LGBTQ community, and equip us to support civil rights and human rights for everyone.

As trauma informed therapists, we’d like to share a series of posts for and about the LGBTQ community and their allies, and hope you’ll join us in working to create a safer and more inclusive environment for all individuals.

We would like to start with some of the terms you may hear and how they are used to discuss transgender issues, the community and its members. These are adapted from the Human Rights Campaign’s “Glossary of Terms” (https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms)

Glossary of LGBTQ terms

Ally – a person who is not LGBTQ, but shows support for LGBTQ people and promotes equality

Androgynous – identifying and/or presenting as neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine

Bisexual (or “bi”) – a person who is attracted to more than one sex, gender, or gender identity

Cisgender (or “cis”) – A term that describes a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth.

Gay – a person who is attracted primarily to members of the same sex. Although “gay” can be used for any sex (gay man, gay woman, gay person), the term “lesbian” is sometimes the preferred term for women who are attracted to women.

Gender Binary – The idea that there are only two genders or sexes—male or female, man or woman, and that a person must be strictly either one or the other. It may be helpful to know that many cultures presently and throughout history include a wider variety of gender identities and expression, and do not subscribe to a binary belief system.

Gender Expression – refers to the way an individual externally manifests gender identity. It is usually expressed through behaviors, clothing, hairstyle, voice (etc.) and may or may not conform to characteristics typically considered to be either masculine or feminine.

Gender Fluid – a person who does not identify with a single fixed gender and expresses gender in a fluid or changeable manner.

Gender Identity – one’s innate and innermost sense of being male, female, etc. One’s gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth.

Genderqueer – people who possess identities that fall outside of the sexual binary (man OR woman). This term can also refer to those who see gender identify and sexual orientation as overlapping and interconnected. Often, but not always, these individuals embrace gender fluidity.

Heteronormativity – The assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to homosexuality and bisexuality.

Homophobia – a range of negative attitudes and feelings towards people who identify or are perceived as being members of the LGBTQ community.

Intersex – a person whose sexual anatomy or chromosomes do not fit with the traditional markers of “male” or “female”. For example, people born with both “male” and “female” anatomy, or people born with XXY chromosomes.

LGBTQ– an acronym standing for the terms Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer. Often used to describe the community of individuals who identify as belonging to these groups.

Pansexual – a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Queer – an umbrella term sometimes used by LGBTQ people to refer to the entire community. It is very important to note that the word “queer” is an in-group term and can be considered offensive to some people depending on their generation and personal history or relationship to the word.

Questioning – an individual in the process of exploring and discovering one’s own sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

Sexual orientation – describes the type of inherent emotional, romantic, and/or physical attraction an individual feels toward others. Common labels include lesbian, gay, bisexual, and pansexual.

Transgender – this term has many definitions. It is frequently used as an umbrella term to refer to all people whose gender identify does not align with their assigned sex at birth and/or with the binary gender system. Some transgender people may identify as male or female. Others do not identify within one of the two binary gender categories (male or female), but rather somewhere between or outside of those two genders. Being transgender does not imply any specific sexual orientation. Therefore, transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

Transphobia – the fear or hatred of transgender people or gender non-conforming behavior. It is important to know that transphobia can also exist among lesbian, gay, and bisexual people as well as among heterosexual people.

Transition – The process by which some transgender people strive to more closely align their gender identity with their physical or external appearance. Some people transition in a social aspect, whereby they might begin dressing, using a name or pronouns, be socially recognized as another gender. Some people transition in a physical aspect in which they modify their bodies through medical interventions, such as hormone replacement therapy or surgical procedures.

I Know the Lingo…Now What?

Although the above list of terms is not exhaustive, we hope that it provides a foundation from which you can expand your knowledge. Perhaps more importantly, knowing the language and having a foundation of information may help you to feel more comfortable having open conversations with, and being an ally to, LGBTQ friends, family, and neighbors.

Many people in the LGBTQ community have experienced marginalization, homophobia or transphobia, bullying, and other forms of trauma. As survivors of discrimination and/or trauma, it may be challenging for these individuals to trust in others. Some may fear being rejected or misunderstood by their friends and family.

When talking with those in the LGBTQ community, and with any new person you may meet in your life in general, it is important not to make assumptions about sexual orientation or gender identity based solely on external appearance. It is best, instead, to follow each person’s lead about how he/she/they like to identify (including what pronouns they prefer), and to embrace and respect their wishes.

The Role of Compassion in the Change Process

In our work as trauma-informed therapists, we have seen time and time again that compassion, for ourselves and for others, is a catalyst of positive change. It helps us to be empathic and curious, reach for connection to others, and allows us to have the openness needed for growth. The opposite of compassion — harsh criticism — creates tension and anxiety, tends to isolate us, and inhibits our ability to welcome change in our lives.

As you work to educate yourself about the LGBTQ community, whether for your own personal development, to better support a friend or family member, or to explore your own sexual orientation or gender identity, allow yourself bring compassion. Know that it is okay to not have all the answers. Remember that it is normal and human to feel confused and not always “get it right.” Choose to view yourself and those close to you through a lens of patience and kindness. With compassion to guide your learning and growth process, you can reach a deeper and more authentic understanding of both yourself and others.

For Parents of LGBTQ Youth and LGBTQ Individuals Who Are Struggling

There are many resources available to you. Although you may sometimes feel like no one knows what it’s like for you, you are not alone and there are others who understand! Happily, the Internet can connect you with a wealth of trustworthy organizations and websites with information and support for the LGBTQ community and allies. Some of these include: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, and The Human Rights Campaign.

The Virginia and D.C. area also have a number of local resources including PFLAG, Equality Virginia, and The DC Center for the LGBT Community. Sometimes, you may also need the support of a trained professional to help you and your loved ones as you navigate the complex emotions you are experiencing. This article (https://brickelandassociates.com/how-to-find-a-good-therapist/) can help you to start your search for a good therapist.

More Resources

https://brickelandassociates.com/role-authentic-self-trauma-informed-care/

https://brickelandassociates.com/healing-relationships-after-trauma/ 

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

https://www.glaad.org

https://www.hrc.org

http://pflag.org

http://thedccenter.org

http://www.equalityvirginia.org/ 

References

Human Rights Campaign, “Glossary of Terms” (n.d.), retrieved from https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms

For more information or to set up an appointment to speak with one of our counselors, please visit our website.

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Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/