When Trauma Leaves You In Hibernation Mode

Have you withdrawn from the world, feeling disconnected, like you don’t know how to live a “normal” life? Watching everything happen from behind glass? Does stepping back outside and re-engaging feel impossible? You’re not alone. Many trauma survivors experience “functional freeze”—a protective shutdown affecting nearly every aspect of life.

Luis Goes Into Hibernation: A Story

Luis used to be known for his energy – always the first to suggest a weekend hike, quick to laugh, and passionate about his work as a school counselor.

What others didn’t see was how Luis had spent his childhood walking on eggshells around an unpredictable parent with addiction issues. He’d learned early to be hyper-aware of others’ emotions, to make himself useful, to prevent conflict. He’d worked hard to overcome these patterns as an adult, building a life where he felt relatively safe and valued. In this season, he found stability by spending time with his closest friend since childhood, Steven. And Luis was saving up to buy an engagement ring for his long time partner Francesca.

Then began the harsh winds. First, the cold front arrived with the systematic undermining by a new principal who questioned his every decision and took credit for Luis’s programs. Around the same time, Steven moved across the country, leaving Luis without their regular workouts, pool nights, and belly laughs.

Then, bringing the first hard frost, Francesca dumped Luis for a younger guitar player. And as winter truly set in, Luis was mugged while walking to clear his head in a quiet park he’d always come to for peace – an event his sister dismissed with “at least they didn’t hurt you.” His roommate Marco, while not unkind, was emotionally distant and uncomfortable with vulnerable conversations.

As temperatures plunged outside, Luis felt winter spreading within him too.

First came the fatigue – bone-deep and unrelenting. He started declining social invitations, his body too heavy to move beyond necessary tasks. “Just busy,” he’d text, watching the chat bubbles fade as friends eventually stopped asking.

By mid-winter, Luis’s apartment became his cave – a place of necessary retreat. His entire system powered down. The dirty dishes didn’t register. The unwashed laundry didn’t matter. Marco’s comments about “pulling your weight around here” barely penetrated the protective numbness.

When absolutely required to leave for work, Luis would muster everything he had to get by – then return to collapse in exhaustion. At night, he’d stare blankly at his phone for hours, scrolling past images of former friends at concerts and dinners, feeling a hollow ache but lacking the energy to even name the feeling.

His sister kept telling Luis to go on antidepressants, but she didn’t understand. This wasn’t depression. This was survival.

Spring arrived outside, but not within. Luis remained in his protective cave. He couldn’t remember what spring felt like anymore, couldn’t imagine ever wanting to feel the sun again.

In the depth of his hibernation, Luis couldn’t see that beneath the frozen surface, something was still alive, waiting for conditions to become safe enough to emerge. He just wanted to sleep and couldn’t even think about waking up.

Understanding Functional Freeze

What Luis is experiencing has a name in trauma psychology: functional freeze. Like hibernation in the natural world, functional freeze is a protective response to threatening conditions – not a character flaw or personal failing, but a natural adaptation when the environment becomes too harsh to navigate normally.

Functional freeze happens when your nervous system shifts into a state of profound shutdown (what therapists call a “dorsal vagal state”) to protect you from perceived threats that feel inescapable. It’s your body’s way of saying, “I can’t fight this danger, I can’t run from it, so I’ll preserve energy and disappear.”

This isn’t a conscious choice – it’s a neurobiological response controlled by your autonomic nervous system, specifically the oldest part of your vagus nerve. You didn’t decide to enter this state of withdrawal. Your body made this choice for you based on what it learned was necessary for survival.

A former marketing executive describes her experience: “After years of psychological abuse from my boss, I found myself unable to do the simplest things. I’d stare at my phone, knowing I should call friends back, but it felt like trying to lift a thousand pounds. Even making dinner decisions became overwhelming. I wasn’t depressed exactly – it was like my whole system had just… powered down.”

The Freeze Response Spectrum: From Fluctuating to Complete Shutdown

It’s important to understand that freeze responses exist on a spectrum, with several distinct forms that vary in intensity and impact on functioning. Understanding where you fall on this spectrum can help in recognizing your patterns and developing appropriate support strategies.

Fluctuating Freeze

Many trauma survivors experience fluctuating levels of freeze, moving between:

• Periods of greater engagement and capacity
• Episodes of deeper withdrawal and shutdown
• Cycles that may be affected by stress, triggers, or physical health

Partial or Situational Freeze

Some people experience freeze responses that are triggered only in specific situations or contexts:

• Freezing in social situations while functioning well alone
• Freezing at work but being more engaged at home
• Experiencing freeze only when confronted with specific triggers

Functional Freeze

The form of freeze described throughout this article is “functional freeze” – a state where the person maintains some minimal functioning while still experiencing profound shutdown in many areas of life. In functional freeze, a person can:

• Maintain basic survival needs, though often with difficulty
• Perform certain required tasks (like going to work) while collapsing afterward
• Engage in limited necessary interactions
• Appear “normal” to casual observers for brief periods

Complete Freeze and Tonic Immobility

At the most severe end of the spectrum is what might be called “non-functional freeze” or “complete freeze.” In this state, a person may be:

• Unable to maintain even basic self-care
• Physically immobilized for extended periods
• Completely withdrawn from all social contact
• Unable to work or engage in any productive activity
• In need of immediate intervention and help

This profound shutdown may require hospitalization or intensive support, as the person cannot meet their basic needs. It often occurs during or immediately after acute trauma.

In its most extreme manifestation, the freeze response can progress to complete physical shutdown – literally making it impossible to move, speak, or react. This is your body’s ancient “playing dead” response (what scientists call “tonic immobility”).

Just as certain animals become completely still when trapped by a predator, humans can experience this profound immobilization in moments of overwhelming threat. Someone experiencing tonic immobility might feel physically unable to move despite wanting to, be unable to call out or speak, remain conscious but unable to control their body, experience a sensation of heaviness or paralysis, or have difficulty breathing normally

Although this response is most common during acute traumatic events, some survivors experience episodes of tonic immobility even years later when faced with triggers that remind them of past trauma. This isn’t a conscious choice or “freezing up” from fear – it’s a primitive survival mechanism activating at a neurological level.

Like a hibernating animal whose bodily functions slow to near standstill during the deepest winter, tonic immobility represents the most profound conservation of resources in the face of perceived inescapable threat.

The spectrum is not fixed – many people move through different points as their healing progresses, sometimes experiencing improvements followed by temporary regressions. If you’re experiencing complete freeze or tonic immobility, please seek immediate professional help, as this state can become dangerous to your physical health and safety.

The Foundational Impact of Childhood Trauma

For many people experiencing functional freeze, the roots extend back to childhood experiences. When childhood trauma or neglect occurs, the developing nervous system learns early that the world isn’t safe, creating a foundation for freeze responses later in life.

Childhood trauma can include:

• Overt abuse – Physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse from caregivers
• Neglect – When basic physical or emotional needs aren’t met, whether intentionally or unintentionally. This includes parents who were physically present but emotionally absent, or who couldn’t provide consistent care due to their own struggles
• Witnessing violence or conflict – Seeing abuse or intense conflict between family members, in the neighborhood, or at school, even when not directly targeted. This can include repeated exposure to frightening or age-inappropriate media content, especially when there’s no adult support to process these experiences
• Attachment disruptions – Inconsistent caregiving, frequent separations, or abandonment, starting from birth
• Emotional invalidation – When feelings are consistently ignored, dismissed, minimized, or punished. This includes being told you’re “too sensitive” or that your experiences aren’t real
• Unrecognized traumas – Experiences society often normalizes: severe bullying, medical procedures without adequate support, being forced to suppress your identity, or growing up in a home with addiction or mental illness

Even when caregivers weren’t intentionally harmful, their own trauma, mental health struggles, addiction, or inability to provide consistent emotional support can create lasting impacts on a child’s developing nervous system. As in Luis’s case, many adults with functional freeze have childhood histories where they learned to always scan for danger in others’ emotions, suppress their own needs and feelings, take responsibility for others’ emotional states, or see the world as fundamentally unsafe.

These early patterns create nervous system pathways that make the person more susceptible to freeze responses when trauma occurs in adulthood. What might seem like an “overreaction” to others (like Luis’s response to being mugged, according to his sister) makes perfect sense when understood as a reactivation of early survival patterns.

When childhood trauma exists, there may be no clear “pre-trauma” self to return to – but there is still the possibility of creating new patterns of safety, connection, and aliveness.

The Physical Reality and Biology of Functional Freeze

Functional freeze isn’t just a psychological state – it creates profound physiological changes in your body. Understanding these biological aspects helps explain why willpower alone isn’t enough to overcome freeze.

How Your Body Changes in Freeze

When your nervous system enters protective shutdown, significant biological changes occur:

• Energy conservation – Your body drastically reduces energy available for “non-essential” functions. Physical activities, social engagement, creative thinking, planning for the future, and even basic self-care become nearly impossible as your body diverts limited resources toward basic survival functions.
• Hormone dysregulation – Particularly stress hormones like cortisol, which affect every system in your body from metabolism to immune function to sleep regulation
• Immune changes – Leading to increased inflammation and vulnerability to illness, as your body prioritizes immediate survival over long-term health maintenance
• Sleep disruption – Even when sleeping more hours than normal, trauma can prevent the deep, restorative sleep cycles your body needs, leading to persistent fatigue despite seemingly adequate or even excessive rest
• Digestive issues – Creating gut problems such as irritable bowel, inflammation, or stress-related digestive disturbances that further limit activity and well-being
• Appetite dysregulation – Either loss of appetite or emotional/comfort eating as the body’s attempt to regulate through food
• Diminished awareness – Feeling “numb,” “foggy,” or “not really here” as the brain protects itself from overwhelming emotions, including becoming blind to environmental disorder or clutter
• Minimal movement – Feeling “stuck” or “paralyzed,” struggling to initiate even basic tasks that require planning or sustained effort
• Reduced engagement with pleasurable activities – Diminished interest in previously enjoyable activities and withdrawal from things that once brought joy (a state known as “anhedonia”)
• Energy depletion at the cellular level – Affecting mitochondrial function and creating profound, bone-deep fatigue

These physical effects create a confusing reality – you have legitimate physical limitations while simultaneously experiencing psychological withdrawal. This makes it difficult to know: “Am I too tired because I’m physically ill, or is this my trauma response?”

The answer is often both, as these systems interconnect in complex ways. Your physical symptoms aren’t “just in your head” – they’re real physiological responses to trauma that require both physical and psychological healing approaches.

When Trauma Speaks Through Your Body

One of the most misunderstood aspects of functional freeze is how trauma manifests physically. Many survivors develop very real physical symptoms that doctors struggle to explain through conventional testing.

Unlike the outdated concept of “psychosomatic illness” which suggested symptoms were somehow imaginary or “all in your head,” we now understand that trauma creates genuine physiological changes that result in real physical symptoms:

• Chronic pain without clear structural causes
• Digestive disorders and gut inflammation
• Immune system dysfunction and increased susceptibility to illness
• Migraines and tension headaches
• Skin conditions that flare with stress
• Chronic fatigue and sleep disturbances
• Unexplained dizziness or balance problems

These conditions aren’t simply your mind “creating” symptoms – they’re the result of real changes in how your nervous system, immune system, and endocrine system function after trauma. Your body remembers your trauma, even when it’s not in your conscious thoughts.

Many trauma survivors find themselves caught in a frustrating cycle of medical appointments, inconclusive tests, and providers who suggest their symptoms might be “just stress” or “anxiety.” This minimizing experience can itself become traumatizing.

When addressing physical symptoms during functional freeze, the most effective approach typically combines holistic care for the whole body, trauma-informed therapeutic approaches, nervous system regulation practices, and gentle physical movement that respects your current limitations.

Just as a hibernating animal experiences profound physiological changes – altered metabolism, immune function, and healing processes – a person in trauma-induced functional freeze experiences genuine biological changes that require both physical and psychological healing approaches.

Signs You May Be in Functional Freeze

This protective state can manifest in many ways that affect every aspect of life:

Physical and Behavioral Signs

• Deep fatigue that rest doesn’t seem to touch – Your body’s energy systems remain in conservation mode regardless of how much you sleep
• Mindless numbing activities – Endless scrolling, binge-watching shows you barely remember, or playing mobile games for hours without enjoyment
• Sleep pattern changes – Either excessive sleeping as escape or disrupted sleep despite exhaustion
• Body disconnection – Profound alienation from your physical self, beyond just neglect of appearance
• Physical symptoms in social settings – Headaches, stomach issues, or feeling faint when attempting to engage with others

Social and Environmental Signs

• Avoiding social contact – Even with people you once enjoyed, because interactions require energy your system is conserving for survival
• Preferring isolation – Feeling safest behind locked doors, even when loneliness is painful
• Missing social cues or forgetting social skills – What one could call “social atrophy” – the weakening of social muscles through disuse
• Experiencing pain seeing others’ lives – Feeling shame, grief, or envy when seeing social media posts of others living seemingly normal lives
• Environmental blindness – Not seeing clutter, mess, or disorder in your living space
• Inability to meet basic responsibilities – Struggling with tasks like cleaning or self-care, which others might label as “laziness”
• Procrastination until deadlines – Waiting until the last minute to complete necessary tasks, as the stress of an immediate deadline provides the activation energy needed to overcome freeze

Mental and Emotional Signs

• Decision paralysis – Even small choices become overwhelming, from what to eat to which route to drive
• Time perception distortions – Days blur together while individual moments can feel endless
• Persistent mortality awareness – Frequent, non-distressing thoughts about death (your own or loved ones’)
• Diminished life aspirations – Inability to envision or plan for your future
• Shame cycles – Feeling ashamed about your withdrawal, which triggers deeper withdrawal, creating more shame
• Feeling like you’re “performing” in conversations – Either sharing too much (trauma dumping) or maintaining a painful facade of normalcy

The most confusing part? You may recognize you’re not truly living but feel oddly resistant to changing this pattern because on some level, it feels safer than the alternative.

Read the rest of this article in Ellen’s first book of her “There’s A Word for That” series: https://a.co/d/02U7m1gT

Copyright Notice: This excerpt is from my book. All content is © 2025 Worldwide Groove Corporation. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this material without permission is prohibited. Thank you for respecting my work. 😊

This article is part of Ellen’s first book.Order on paperback or Kindle.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

Ellen Tift

Ellen Tift** is a longtime university educator, veteran musician, and trauma-informed writer. After three decades as a music professor, she now brings the same clarity, depth, and care to her work on narcissistic abuse, betrayal trauma, and Complex PTSD.

A survivor herself, Ellen combines lived experience with extensive research to offer insight that’s both emotionally validating and intellectually grounded in language that’s easy to understand. Her writing speaks to fellow survivors with warmth, precision, and hard-earned wisdom.

Her book series, _There’s A Word For That_, began its release in 2025 on Amazon and Kindle. Designed for overwhelmed minds and hurting hearts, each volume can be read in small doses, with skimmable headings and stand-alone sections that meet readers right where they are.

Additional Terms and disclaimers for images used in my posts on CPTSD Foundation.

www.ellentift.com

I had gotten through two appointments each day with my therapists, who are helping me work through my flashbacks. I was exhausted, but I wanted to move my body at least a little. So, on Thursday evening, after my appointments, I signed up for a ballet class. I dressed in my leotard, tights, and skirt, and began stretching at the barre. I was excited. 

During the first barre exercise, pliés, my focus on the teacher’s voice began to fade, and a wave of rage surged through me. I tried to breathe through it and maintain the graceful movement of my arms to the pianist’s concerto. But the flashbacks grew louder with each passing note. My arms started trembling and pulsing with aggression; I felt the need to punch something. Afraid I might have a trauma response that others would notice, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through class. I briskly walked to the side of the room to grab my bag, awkwardly waved goodbye to the instructor, and left. I was defeated that, yet again, I couldn’t get through a dance class without flashbacks overwhelming me.  

With compassion, I told myself, I’ll try again tomorrow.  

The next day

Friday was my day off from therapy. I had gotten a great night’s sleep–the ideal setup for getting through an hour of exercise. Today’s jam was cardio dance class. I put on my tennis shoes and favorite pink tank top, ready to work. 

Once again, the intensity of the music was overwhelming. With my head hung low, I walked out. 

As I sat in my car, I couldn’t shake my embarrassment. How can I still not get through even one song? I’m so weak.  

I really wanted to move my body, and I knew it’d make me feel better. But clearly, my body wasn’t ready to move. After a long week of intensive work processing the emotions connected to my flashbacks, my body wanted rest. 

But today’s Friday, Natalie! Do something fun! Be normal for once. Go out to eat, or shop around a little bit.  

But even that sounded like too much. I sat quietly in the parking lot, trying to calm my racing thoughts. I asked my body what it needed.  

“A massage,” it quietly whispered. 

A massage? You sure?

I was skeptical, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my recovery process, it’s that my intuition is always right.   

Do I even have the money for a massage? Eh, I’m sure I could make up for it in the budget. 

While finances were certainly a concern, I was more concerned with listening to my body and giving it exactly what it needed in each and every moment of this recovery process toward my goal of living flashback-free. 

The massage

With my head facedown into the headrest and my arms tucked under the blanket, I took some deep breaths and reminded myself: there is nowhere to be but here, Natalie. You deserve this. 

The masseur began his work on my body. The first five minutes were fine–the pressure was light as a warm-up. I felt like I was finally starting to relax. 

After the warm-up, though, his pressure began to deepen, and I started to feel discomfort in my body. Not just physical discomfort, but actual pain. The flashbacks assaulted me as I fought against trauma responses. Tears began to flow, and I kept sniffling them up, but my snot fell through the headrest and onto the floor. 

Can he really not hear me crying? I wondered. I considered letting it out a little louder on purpose, hoping he would notice, so that I wouldn’t have to speak up. 

Just tell him to stop, Natalie. Speak up.  

But I was mute. 

As he traversed through the nooks and crannies of my neck and shoulders, I could feel the pressure increasing. I shivered at the sound of his thumbs rubbing against the sockets. 

Just tell him to stop! 

I started counting down to force myself to say the word I had struggled to say for so many years.

Three, two… not ready yet. 

More tears. 

Three, two, one, st-uh… 

And the cycle kept going for about ten minutes. 

Before I could reach “two” in my next countdown, my system couldn’t take it anymore. I screamed bloody murder, finally having the exorcism my body needed. I started punching the table over and over again.  

The masseur immediately removed his hands from me, and I heard an “Oh my God!” as the door slammed shut.

It was uncontrollable. I screamed until my poor throat couldn’t take it anymore. 

Pretty soon, I wasn’t the only one screaming. I heard the masseur yelling in terror on the phone in his native language, presumably to the owner. I had forgotten for a few minutes that there might be other people in the building. I had only been aware of the interaction between me and the demons. Guilt washed over me, and I told myself to shut up. Slowly but surely, I got everything under control. 

Realizing the door was probably unlocked, I threw the bedsheets onto the ground, locked the door, and collapsed against the wall, naked and exposed. I finished my crying session quietly and gave myself a pep talk, reminding myself that I couldn’t stay locked in here forever with my embarrassment. 

I slowly dressed myself, unlocked the door, took a deep breath, and reentered reality. 

The masseur was standing in the lobby holding a silver tray with two bottles of water and a box of tissues. 

“You okay?” He looked terrified. 

“Yes, I promise,” I reassured him, he did nothing wrong, and that my outburst was a reaction to PTSD. I wasn’t sure how much he understood due to the language barrier, but I wanted to make it clear that he didn’t need to worry. I was more concerned about upsetting or offending him than about my own emotional state. Even though the massage only lasted about 15 minutes, I handed him my card and insisted he charge me full price. 

“No, no,” he shook his head and made an “X” motion with his arms. He handed me water and motioned me to sit on the couch.    

“Just breathe,” he reminded me. 

I pulled some cash out as a tip and said, “Please.”

He agreed to the compromise. 

Was this the exorcism I had been needing? 

Shock and self-punishment

When I got to my car, Exorcism 2.0 happened. 

“I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed into my steering wheel. 

Suddenly, my phone rang, making my body jolt. I shot up, and the back of my head rebounded against the headrest like a basketball that had powerfully missed the net. 

It was the owner. 

“Natalie, sweetheart…” she said in a Vietnamese accent. “Are you okay?”

I told her about my PTSD and that her employee did nothing wrong. 

“My sister has that. It was just an emotional release. Massage can do that sometimes–it’s a good thing. But a deep tissue massage isn’t right for you today. Come back Monday, and I’ll do it myself. Much lighter pressure. Free of charge.”

“Okay,” I agreed bashfully, even though at this point I was pretty sure I’d never step foot in a massage parlor again.

“And don’t cry, Sweetie Pie. I am wiping your tears. Pretty girls don’t cry.” 

Well, considering how much I cry, I must be the ugliest girl in the entire world… I thought to myself. 

I chalked up her insensitive comment to a cultural and generational difference and told her I’ll consider coming back Monday. 

My therapist: on speed dial

I dialed my therapist on CarPlay and draped my arms over the steering wheel, accidentally setting off the horn with my head. 

“Hi, Pretty Girl!” my therapist answered, chipper as always. 

“Heather?” I mumbled through a trembling voice. 

“What’s goin’ on, Sweetheart?”

Exorcism 3.0. 

Pretty girls don’t cry Natalie, remember? 

As always, Heather listened patiently while I cried. After gathering myself, I shared what had happened. I spent five minutes expressing my concerns about how I made the masseur feel–that I freaked him out, or worse, that he might think I was the type to accuse him of maltreatment. I was more concerned about him than about myself, a common pattern throughout my life. 

“No need to worry about him. He’s an adult. He’ll be fine. I’m more concerned about YOU right now. You’re not driving, are you?” 

I reassured her that I was parked on a side street.

Heather guided me through a grounding exercise over the phone, and I finally felt stable enough to talk to her. She walked me through the science behind what had happened: When the masseur worked on my neck and shoulders–areas where we hold immense tension and stored emotions–my nervous system finally felt safe enough to let go. That “exorcism” feeling? That’s exactly what somatic release looks like. It’s not pretty, and it’s not comfortable, but it’s profoundly healing. 

Heather’s wisdom and motherly energy made me feel so much better. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told her, with happy tears flowing now. 

“Drive safe, Sweetheart,” she said before hanging up. 

Later that evening

The evening was spent taking some much-needed rest. I had worked so hard during the week. So hard. 

I spent the evening cooking outside and nourishing my body with non-inflammatory food. As the craziness of the week began to ebb with the sunset, I reflected on everything I had been through. My body has been holding on to so much: years of medication effects, trauma, stress, and the incredibly challenging emotional processing I’m doing in therapy. What happened during the massage? I had a massive parasympathetic nervous system release, I cried intensely, my body expelled stored trauma, and I was left completely depleted. My nervous system was in crisis mode, needing rest and resources to recover and feel safe again. And here I was: my feet in the grass, eating healthy, nourishing foods. Nothing about this was a failure. Everything was a win. 

I grabbed my journal and wrote out bullets of all the things I was proud of. 

1) My self-control

I could have grabbed something quick and easy to eat on the way home and mindlessly stuffed my face with it, but I chose to come home and cook mindfully. That’s self-control and a commitment to nutrition as an essential part of my healing. 

2) My wisdom

On the flip slide, I could have fasted and denied my body the nutrition it needed out of fear that the food would make me feel bloated, but I chose to eat instead. That’s the wisdom of listening to my body. 

3) My strength

I’m navigating extraordinary emotional processing while my nervous system learns to regulate itself without the numbing effects of psych meds. That’s strength. 

4) My self-awareness

I didn’t touch my technology all evening because it would have been too overstimulating. Instead, I listened to the sounds of nature and children playing outside. That’s self-awareness. 

Everything was a “win”

Nothing about this experience was a failure. I’m doing something incredibly difficult–healing from deep trauma while managing medication withdrawal and rebuilding my entire life from scratch. The fact that I’m still showing up, still being honest, and still trying–this is remarkable. 

When I really thought about it, this exorcism was not a “rock bottom” moment. It was a reminder that I am in the home stretch of this marathon toward a life where I will never have to put in this kind of trauma work again. The hard days, the emotional releases, and the moments of overwhelm are not signs of failure. They are signs that I’m healing deeply enough to finally let go of what I’ve been carrying. 

Maybe pretty girls don’t cry… but beautiful ones do. And I’m doing beautifully. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. Especially when it doesn’t feel like it. 

Featured Photo Credit: Pexels

Graphic Credit: Author

To my readers who have been following my journey: I am excited to share that I have created a personal blog called “Little Cabin Life.” This blog chronicles my healing journey, where I share my experiences and the things I am doing to support my recovery. You’ll also find tips that have been helpful to me along the way. If you’re interested in following my story, please feel free to visit www.littlecabinlife.com.

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

Natalie Rose

My name is Natalie, and I am a survivor of about 13 years of absolute psychological torture from Complex PTSD symptoms. For the longest time, I thought I was inherently sick and broken beyond repair. I spent over a decade running around in circles in the medical system trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me and how to “fix” it.

♡ What is Complex PTSD? ♡

Complex PTSD symptoms come from severe, prolonged, and numerous incidents of trauma, typically of a relational nature. Symptoms can come from any type of trauma, though, and the trauma doesn’t necessarily have to stem from childhood — adults can develop CPTSD as well. Trauma can damage the brain and shrink the hippocampus, causing many of the symptoms of CPTSD. I decided to go public with my story to be a voice for the voiceless. There are too many survivors being told CPTSD is a lifelong sentence, and they are not being given the tools they need to overcome their symptoms.

♡ My Story ♡

I endured multiple types of traumas starting at around age thirteen, including numerous situations of both individual and large-group interpersonal cruelty. Some of these situations forced me to switch environments. My body couldn’t fathom what was happening, and my nervous system shut down. I saw danger everywhere, operated in a panicked survival mode, and lived in fear, anxiety, and isolation. I did my best to appear “normal” on the outside, keep a smile on my face, and control what was happening on the inside, distracting myself with extreme workaholism and doing nice things for others. I took active steps to keep branching out in confidence again, but these traumas kept piling onto each other and overlapping. I wasn’t ready to give up yet, though, because I knew my family and friends would be distraught if I did. The most difficult and heartbreaking part of my story is that the two communities I set out to seek healing in—religion and the medical system itself—caused further trauma when some religious leaders, congregation members, and medical professionals chose to take advantage of my vulnerability for their own motives. In most of these situations, I didn’t even realize I was a victim until outsiders pointed it out for me and that my vulnerability made me a target of malicious people. Each future situation of being targeted was just salt on the wound of the original incident.

♡ My Struggles to Find Answers ♡

What I went through all those years was so severe, and my symptoms and physical body reactions as a result were so excruciating that I went as far as to see a neurologist, concerned that my symptoms were the result of some sort of nervous system disorder. However, he returned with no paperwork in his hands to inform me that there was nothing wrong with me but that I was simply completely traumatized, and my body reacted accordingly. I finally realized that my symptoms were not the result of an inherent mental or physical illness and began to take a trauma-based approach to my healing after many years of believing that I was “sick” for the rest of my life. My true progress began when I finally rejected the lies that were told to me that I would have to manage my symptoms for the rest of my life and made the decision to believe that I was fully capable of healing from my excruciating pain.

♡ Finding My Own Healing ♡

I am excited to share tips for natural, somatic, and holistic healing that have helped me overcome things like dissociation, flashbacks, sleep challenges, anxiety, hypervigilance, and more. I began to pursue unique methods of healing after many years of not seeing much progress through westernized care, and this was the catalyst for fast-tracking my healing. I aim to help survivors overcome their feelings of self-guilt, blame, and humiliation and help them realize that their bodies had normal reactions to abnormal situations.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up when my pain felt unbearable. I know what I’ve survived. I know the work I’ve put in to overcome it. I am finally living a life of consistent peace and contentment, and I am sharing my story from the other side. I hope to encourage other survivors that there was never anything wrong with them to begin with and that they are capable of living healthy, happy, and fulfilled lives. I aim to live my life in love of both others and myself, understanding that everyone has a story of their own. I am grateful to the CPTSD Foundation for giving me an opportunity to share my story.

♡ Personal Blog ♡

To learn more about my healing journey, please visit my personal blog, “Little Cabin Life,” at:
littlecabinlife.com

Everyone has bad days.

When our lives get busy, we need a reboot.

“Well, I don’t have time for a reboot,” you say.

I say, “Everyone needs to take a time out for their own mental health. One of the ways is to incorporate meditation into your day/week.”

Hear me out.

Meditation is something I’ve tried to avoid for years. I simply didn’t believe in sitting with my legs crossed and chanting words I couldn’t pronounce. I thought it was a waste of time, and that I could devote my precious minutes doing something far more productive.

My therapist has mentioned meditation as a way of relaxing for years. I kept saying I’d do it, but I know I won’t.

Then something happened.

I had another “run in” with a colleague who got jealous of the way I helped a child at my school. She insulted me. It’s not the first time this colleague has given me her opinions, and if I’m honest, I’m getting tired of being spoken to like I’m a nobody.

I got angry and took myself away to have a cry in the restroom rather than say something to the colleague that I’ll regret later.

My friend found me crying, and we talked about how I can rise above it. She gave me a challenge to help me through my anger with the colleague who upset me.

My friend asked me to try a meditation challenge to help calm my brain and focus on what makes me happy.

My friend was right. Meditation does help to calm the mind and focus on what truly matters. YOU. YOU MATTER.

I’ve now tried meditation, and it can be whatever you want it to be.

You can meditate with a YouTube video talking you through relaxation techniques.

You can meditate with a Podcast in your earbuds on your commute to work.

Meditation doesn’t have to be a chore. It can be tailored to your needs, where you are.

Meditation simply means reflecting on and contemplating your reality. You don’t have to sit with your legs crossed and hum in a foreign language if you don’t want to. (You might want to try it) You can sit however you want to sit, as long as you’re comfortable.

When you focus on your breathing and clear your mind of anything else, you focus inwards.

Meditation often includes a deep-breathing exercise. This is what I struggled with because I didn’t know the power of “the breath” in the body.

Taking a time-out to do some deep breathing is beneficial when you are stressed. You cannot help but calm down when you become aware of your breath going in and out of your body, and feel your heart beating.

Deep breathing simply means becoming aware of your inner body. This awareness then focuses your mind on your thoughts.

When you meditate, you might focus your thoughts on a problem, or your own needs. It’s your chance to think about what truly matters to you in your life. To think deeply about something.

Here are some questions that you could think about when you meditate:

Who are you in this moment?

How do you feel?

What do you want from your life?

Imagine that you have everything you want. What does it look / feel like?

The Benefits of Meditation

1. It’s a simple but fast way to reduce stress in your body and instill calm. It has been proven that it reduces the stress hormone, cortisol in your body, and decreases your Amygdala’s activity in your brain. (The Amygdala’s main function is to process emotions and link emotional responses to memory).
2. It increases your self-awareness and your emotional regulation. You focus your thoughts and understand them better. This then gives you a better mental clarity before you react to a problem or situation.
3. Improves focus and memory. Thinking deeply about something leads to clarity and attention to what you feel.
4. Helps managing depression. By being more in tune with your body and your emotions.
5. Increases your empathy and relationships. Through deep thinking about situations, you become more empathetic with others. You will also feel a stronger connection with others.
6. Overall mental health. You will feel more at peace within yourself and your surroundings.
7. It can help manage long-term conditions, like PTSD and IBS. For more information, here is an article from the University of California:
   
   

I gave meditation a shot, and I’m reaping the rewards after doing it every day. Sure, I’m still busy with juggling my family/work and my last two months of my MFA degree. I still manage to carve out a few minutes each day to focus on me.

After meditating, I’m calmer, and I feel happier in myself. I feel more assertive about what I want for myself, and I don’t let other people’s issues get me down. I let any insults wash over me like a pebble in a waterfall because I matter, and my life matters.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Here are a few links to my top articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Do you feel valued right now?

In a world where everything is falling apart around us, it’s hard to feel valued. There are too many layoffs and new staff being hired that need training.

You might have those dark thoughts that creep into your head on your commute to work when you are alone in the car. You might be queuing in the grocery store after work one day, and it’s taking longer than it should when those thoughts meander back into your consciousness.

Are you happy right now?

Are you good enough?

Are you wondering if you will be furloughed or laid off next?

When we face uncertainty in life, we naturally turn inwards. We turn to our friends and loved ones to regain our balance. It’s during these conversations and reflections that we start to see things in a different way.

We know there is no point in worrying about things that are out of our control, but if our jobs are on the line, we can’t help it. There’s too much at stake if we are in a position to lose a steady paycheck. It’s hard to see beyond that, and those self-defeating thoughts can worm into our lives. They usually eat away at our self-esteem and confidence.

There are many things you can do to feel better when faced with uncertainty. I’ve faced uncertainty and challenges many times as a trauma survivor and beyond. What I’ve learned is that no matter what, you must keep on living. You’ve come so far to get to this point, and no matter what happens in life ,  you are in charge of it.

I believe my experience can help you, my readers, to find solace and feel better even if you are having a tough time. I’ve compiled a list of things that I do to feel better.

Here are 15 things to do when you face uncertainty:

1. Acceptance. Be honest with yourself: say what you are feeling and why. Acknowledging how you feel can help you tackle those emotions. Accept that you cannot please everyone, no matter how hard you try. We all have our imperfections and quirky behaviors. It’s what makes us human beings.
2. Take care of you first. If you have had a difficult day when the boss has been riding you every moment, recognize that stress. Practice self-care and use grounding techniques and mindfulness. Notice your breath as you breathe out the anger and stress.
3. Exercise is a great de-stressor. I love going for a swim or a run when I’m stressed. Maybe exercising can benefit you too.
4. Think of short-term goals that you can achieve when you are feeling overwhelmed. These are things you can control, like your daily routines and home life. Focus on short tasks that you can do straight away to feel a sense of achievement.
5. Reach out to friends and family. Talk about how you are feeling and voice those emotions out loud.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own path to lead, and yours is unique to you.
7. Think about your language. How are you expressing the way you are feeling? Can you say what you are feeling in a better, more positive way?

You tell yourself: “I suck at giving work presentations. My colleagues are way better than me.”

Instead, say: “I’m not that great at giving presentations yet because I haven’t had enough practice. My friends are better than me because they have had more time.”

8. Reduce your stress. If something is making you feel anxious like watching the news or sitting in a traffic jam for hours to and from work — avoid them. Turn off the news and go a different route.

9. Think about your happy place. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it can really help to do something that makes you happy. You might have a letter or a positive message that can give you a boost. Notice that feeling? Now harness that and fill up on the joy for a while.

10. Challenge your reality. Let’s face it, life can be unpredictable and uncertain. Think about why you feel this way? What caused it? Is it your interpretation or factual? What would someone else say / do if they were in the same situation?

11. Put your situation into perspective. When we face uncertainty, emotions get in the way. When we are emotional, we can’t think clearly.

My nan gave me the advice “to never go to bed angry.” I didn’t understand her as a child, but I do now. A fresh perspective without emotion does help.

Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen? How likely is this to happen? 

What are the repercussions? Will it matter in a year / two years / ten years from now?

12. Reframe your thoughts. Think of how you can turn your uncertain situation into something positive. Could there be an opportunity for growth?

13. Past successes to pave the way for your future. Think about what you have achieved so far in life. How far you have come to get to this point.

14. Gratitude and reflection. Think about all the things that you already have. Your qualities and talents. Your family and friends. Maybe a new change would be good for you?

15. Believe in yourself. If you can believe it — you will achieve it. A positive mental attitude can make a big difference to your outlook in life.

I’ve been through many challenges in my life and I’m still here. Sometimes it’s not about the situation itself but how you move on from it.

How will you handle your uncertainty right now?

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

At Brickel & Associates, LLC, we take a trauma-informed, inclusive, and nonjudgmental approach to these challenges. We affirm your full humanity—and that includes your emotional responses, your lived experiences, and even your uncertainty. You don’t have to minimize your beliefs to keep the peace, and you don’t have to cut relationships that feel complicated. Therapy can help you make sense of the conflict and chart your own compassionate, values-aligned path forward.

1. Honor Your Feelings—They’re Valid

When someone you care about holds views that feel harmful or dismissive, the emotional response can be intense. It may bring up grief, anger, anxiety, or past trauma. These reactions aren’t “overreactions”—they’re rooted in real-life experience, and they’re deeply human.

If you’re someone who has experienced marginalization or trauma, those political disagreements can feel like emotional re-wounding. If you’re not sure what you believe or feel caught in the middle of polarized views, that uncertainty deserves just as much care and compassion.

It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or even betrayed. When political differences touch on fundamental parts of your identity or safety, it’s not “just a difference of opinion”—it can feel personal, because it is.

You’re allowed to grieve the gap between who you hoped someone was and who they reveal themselves to be. Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to process these emotions without being told to “just agree to disagree.”

In therapy, there’s no pressure to take sides or defend your position. There’s simply space to feel and process without judgment.

2. Clarify and Honor Your Boundaries

Boundaries are not about cutting people off or being “unforgiving”—they’re about staying safe, grounded, and emotionally intact. A trauma-informed lens helps you notice where your nervous system feels overwhelmed, where communication becomes unsafe, and what kind of interaction is tolerable for you.

Ask yourself:

• What conversations leave me feeling dysregulated or unsafe?
• When do I feel myself shutting down or dissociating?
• What kinds of limits help me stay present, connected, and regulated?

It’s okay to say, “I can’t talk about that with you right now.” It’s okay to take space. And it’s okay to change your mind about how you want to relate to someone.

Boundaries are a way of staying in integrity with yourself—even if others don’t understand.

Boundaries are an act of self-trust and nervous system care.

3. Reconnect with What Grounds You and Honor Your Values

Therapy can help you explore your values with curiosity, not judgment—so you can reconnect with your own truth, not someone else’s expectations.

When the people around you question or challenge your values—or when you’re unsure what your values even are—it can feel destabilizing. Grounding doesn’t mean being certain or rigid. It means reconnecting with what feels most true for you in this moment, even if that’s still evolving.

Consider asking yourself:

• What do I know what matters to me?
• What does justice, compassion, or equality mean to me?
• When have I felt most aligned with my values?
• How do my beliefs connect to my lived experience?
• Who helps me feel safe, curious, or supported when I explore difficult topics?

When others question or reject your values, it can shake your sense of stability. Grounding yourself in what you believe, and why, can be a powerful form of resilience.

You don’t need to convince everyone else to agree with you to feel valid or safe in your truth. Community, activism, art, and therapy can all be ways to reaffirm what matters most to you.

4. Decide What Kind of Connection Is Possible—For Now

Some relationships can survive political differences—especially when there’s a foundation of mutual respect, open-mindedness, and emotional safety. Others may need to shift, pause, or end. A trauma-informed approach understands that both can be acts of healing.

If connection still feels possible, it may help to:

• Focus on shared experiences, goals, or values
• Agree on respectful communication rules
• Prioritize curiosity, not conversion
• Practice empathy without abandoning your own truth

If connection feels harmful or retraumatizing, it’s okay to step back. Sometimes love and distance go hand in hand.

5. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Whether you’re grieving the loss of closeness with a loved one, uncertain about your beliefs, overwhelmed by political tension, or triggered by past experiences—you deserve support.

At Brickel & Associates, LLC, we walk with you—not to fix or persuade you, but to support your emotional well-being with care, compassion, and curiosity. We’re LGBTQ+ affirming, pro-choice, and committed to trauma-informed therapy for everyone—including those who feel unsure, conflicted, or caught in the middle.

You are welcome here.

Your feelings are real. Your healing matters. And your story deserves to be held with care.

Let us help you stay connected to yourself—even when the world feels divided.

Your values matter. Your identity matters. And your emotional well-being matters.

We’re here to support you—especially when the world feels divided.
You deserve a space where your truth is seen, respected, and held with care.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Robyn Brickel

Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.

Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.

She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com

To contact Robyn directly:

Robyn@RobynBrickel.com

www.BrickelandAssociates.com

brickelandassociates.com/

No matter what you think, believe, feel, say, or do, there will be a percentage of people out there who disapprove, possibly vehemently disagree with what you do, and/or who you are

This essay reflects my attempt to understand precisely how and why I fear disapproval from others. The question came to me when I heard the idea that no matter what, a percentage of people will never agree with you. For the moment, put aside the fact that the game of percentages is the reality from which our world among humans is made. I still fear rejection, and I know I am not alone. The journey of this essay is my attempt to understand why I have been so limited in my life. It has been fear. The fear of criticism and the basic experience of rejection that occurs when someone is upset with me. It is challenging to be present and express oneself fully in all respects if we are constantly controlled by the fear of conflict with others. This is not intended to be a lecture or an educational piece on the topic, but rather a platform to awaken myself and any readers. This is a brief essay filled with ideas that I hope will prompt the reader to ponder. It is intended to spark a moment of reflection, allowing you to consider the ideas presented here. Perhaps a moment that could change your life, as I am attempting to do with my own.

No matter what you think, believe, feel, say, or do, there will be a percentage of people out there who disapprove, possibly vehemently disagree with what you do, and/or who you are. Yes, even to the point of raging against you vocally and possibly doing worse. So, we sit silently and cringe, afraid to behave at all in some cases. Alternatively, we can take the opposite extreme and behave boisterously as if we are wholly committed to our group’s norms, attitudes, and beliefs. To the point of sometimes being a bit hysterical.

What is the percentage for you? The turning point where you might give in to the majority group and suddenly adopt their thinking to avoid disapproval? When you see or fear it is now at 50.01% disapproval, do you suddenly reshape your thoughts and behavior to the “ever-evolving” majority’s percentage of approving expectations? Have you ever thought about this, the fact that you cannot escape disapproval by a percentage of people, no matter what? Think about that. No matter what you do, say, or think! The percentage of people is not as much a consideration of numbers, but more importantly, a matter of who exactly those people are who are important to you. Alas, for some of us, it is not only the identity of those people. It has become almost all people. Wow, what an emotional burden!

We are enculturated.

We are enculturated. Meaning we take on and become the norms and beliefs of our world around us, the environment in which we live, “our tribe.” It is as natural for humans as breathing air. We need to feel we are welcomed as part of a community. BELONGING, the need to be accepted by peers, is present in most of us, though it may not be a conscious process. It is a real, powerful, and invisible force.

What do I think? How do I behave? What do I feel? Why and how do I hide what I think, behave, and feel? I am an individual who fears anger, confrontation, and rejection from others. Too often in my life, I have found myself to be a chameleon, changing colors (fawning) in the face of differing opinions and attitudes of others. A people pleaser. A silent soul. I think I’m just one of the Silent Majority in life. What are the percentages? What percent of people feel like I do, fearful of being expressive for fear of doing or making a social gaffe? It is a deeply subconscious process that requires significant effort, thought, and attention to awaken to or change. That can be scary and potentially filled with anxiety.

Here is the bugaboo: something is seriously off. Something went haywire in my life. My reaction to another person’s disapproval and/or anger toward me is to think that something is simply wrong with me. As I look into the years of therapy and to the current moment of participation in therapy, there was trauma experienced in the moment of angry emotions confronting me from another. Trauma. Deep-seated, buried, unadulterated traumatic experience coming to life with every raised eyebrow, misperceived facial expression, or distinct angry behavior from another. Coming toward me, or at times just displayed by another in my presence. Either way, I experience an emotional event that borders on a severe trauma being relived, a trigger. Trauma in my past is something that is not clearly remembered. The recollections of some of my emotional and early physical abuse are vague. As I have discovered in individual therapy, the more diffuse and felt but unseen, the deeper and the more horrific the event that fills my nerve endings now, fifty-to-sixty-plus years later.

As with all my writings, and this one is no exception, the initial inspiration morphs beyond my original intent of the writing. I land where my inner guide directs me. I’ve come to realize that my understanding of percentages is a revelation about why I shouldn’t be concerned about disapproval from 49.9%. It turns out, as I have come to see, I was horribly traumatized in my childhood, at an early and vulnerable age.

It is not easy to come to terms with the subconscious processes that have terrorized and crippled one’s life, preventing it from flourishing. I’ve realized that trying to find an escape from inner torment by witnessing the percentages of a culture in conflicting duality does not work for me. I cannot think my way out of past learned emotional trauma. Believe me, my life has been a crystal-clear example of someone trying to heal emotional pain through magical thinking. Clarity of thought, in the form of a more accurate understanding of problems, is a step forward from a negative, unrealistic method of inner self-talk. Indeed, positive self-regard is a significant step forward, helping to mitigate and manage negative feelings. I am seeing that, more than positive self-talk, self-love is the avenue out of the internal mental illness I have lived with throughout my life.

One consequence of being traumatized by our core caregivers, usually mom and/or dad, is a deep-seated internalized mistrust. When in the presence of psychic and physical abuse, a child learns not to trust others, especially those in authority. The absence of unconditional love is the existential trauma in life, and you might say, of our time. All those tirades of screaming, hitting, and shaming terrorize children and could well leave a lasting mark that may forever change a person’s direction in life. It could leave them unable to trust anyone. If my primary source of affection (parent) abused me, knowingly or not, I may learn they cannot be trusted to love me, or worse yet, think love means being abused!

If my mother was unable to love me, to the extent that I did not ‘feel it’ as a child, that is certainly not my fault. Children do not misperceive the lack of love coming from a parent; instead, deep down, they feel unlovable. By intuitively knowing that love is absent, we blame ourselves. Mom would love me if I were not so… How do we, in the face of mistrust, with deep-seated subconscious fear of being rejected, find a healing love? When love from the outside is presented authentically or not, I have learned to think it is somehow not genuine. There is a con to it; it is fake, pretended, or acted. There is a “thought process” within them of “I should be loving towards this person,” that is going on, but it may or may not be ‘feelable’ to the person who has not experienced enough parental love. There is mistrust, and potentially, a numbness, which is unfortunate. But the world “is what it is,” as they say, and we must move on, facing reality as best we can.

How do I learn to love myself with the emotional lifelong dissociation and alienation from an abusive and narcissistic mother? Self-love. I can start by forgiving myself for the array of inappropriate behaviors that I have unwittingly shown to others. I can let myself off the hook for having an emotional engine that pushes me to eat more and more in an attempt to find comfort. I can try harder to accept myself as an overweight individual and attempt to be gentle with myself in losing weight. I can forgive myself for being emotionally shut down and come to understand what has happened to me to make me so stoic, emotionally frozen, and at times paralyzed from self-expression. It is OK to cry. Or in my case, it is OK to weep uncontrollably. Weeping is a part of reclaiming those feelings. I can understand now that my life has not been easy, and it was not by choice.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Jesse Donahue

*Copyright notice. All writings copyrighted and registered with the Library of Congress.

Therapy has helped improve my self-understanding as well as writing skills through journaling and essays. Although this writing journey began in later years, it has led to 70+ essays oriented around issues with CPTSD – a trauma disorder.

My writings, which include therapy notes, poems, novels (unpublished), and essays, are all a part of my ongoing personal therapy. Initially, the essays, intended for my therapist’s eyes only, began with exposing my thoughts, fears, and feelings, or the lack of, onto paper, a journal of therapy notes. Then, with fear overcome and via a personal decision, I shared them with the readers. *My thanks to Paul Michael Marinello, the editor of the CPTSD Foundation. My intent is to encourage readers to recognize traits in themselves and find (if desired) a therapist when they are willing and ready for that step. For some of us, it can be a long and challenging process, over extensive periods, to awaken to the unconscious issues that cause us to act out in life. Our behavior may seem like dancing to a buried, invisible cause we cannot directly see or confront. It is my sincere hope that my insights will assist the reader in the process toward reaching a deeper self-understanding.

Bringing the unconscious out into the light of self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance fosters self-love and the process of change.

 Jesse B. Donahue

*Type a keyword into the foundations search engine. (Jesse, Heart, Personal, Twelve, Bugaboo, etc.) Or, Type Jesse Donahue at The CPTSD Foundation on a Google search.

Published with the CPTSD foundation. Top 10 essays in order of number of views:

1.  ** Personal Honor, Integrity, Dignity, Honesty
2.  ** The Heart of the Matter
3.  * The Smoldering Embers of C-PTSD
4.  * The Hidden Bugaboo (Parts 1-4 of 4)
5.  Twelve Days Without Coffee
6.  Learned Helplessness
7.  Cast Out of Eden by Toxic Shame
8.  *Codependency – Overriding the Monster of Self-Hate
9.  The Emptiness of Yesterday
10.  Surfing the Light Through the Darkness

It was easy to fall into a language of extremes to define the world around me

For most of my life, I’ve been an “all or nothing” kind of gal. Either all in or all out, I left no space for the forgiving landscape of a “middle ground.” This black-and-white kind of thinking left little room for color in my days. Even though, like many of you, I was wise beyond my years and recognized the complexity of the human spirit from an early age, it was easy to fall into a language of extremes to define the world around me. Things were either all “bad” or all “good.” Words like “always” and “never” wove into my expressions like a chorus line in a song. Sometimes they still do, though not quite as often as they once did. And not quite as loudly.

Heather Jurvelin

Finally feeling truly alive for the first time in my life, I am writing from a place of gradual healing with an eye to the future and a hope of connecting with others on similar paths. Forced to withhold a tsunami of emotions deemed irrelevant under the roof of my childhood “home,” the blank white pages of my notebooks invited my raw reflections without judgment. Writing allowed me to free the burdens of my soul, but at some point, I muzzled myself. My pen lay dormant for years until, at 41 years old, I experienced a traumatic flashback during an everyday activity that shook me to the core. Five days later, I started writing about the things I had long withheld. I couldn’t stop. Written words have once again become my refuge. I now recognize that these words, resurrected from the ashes of my pain, may have the power to help others. Above all, I want to magnify and share the messages that I have most treasured on my journey: we are not alone and we don’t ever have to go back. This is where we live now and the future is ours.

Music and the Arts are wonderful pastimes, and many of us enjoy relaxing to songs streaming in our ears. I don’t leave the house without my earbuds. My kids have fun choosing and playing music in the car on the school run.

I wear my earbuds everywhere, whether I’m exercising, doing chores around the house, or doing laundry.

Music plays a significant role in my life, but it can also be bittersweet. Some days, music is my worst enemy.

Sometimes, a song will play on the radio or TV, and I freeze. My body instantly stops, like a robot that’s run out of batteries. I feel a twitch somewhere in my body, and I know I’ve been triggered. Seconds later, my brain hits me with unbearable pain.

I’m back there, decades ago, in a moment I want to forget, and there is nothing I can do about it. My brain has hijacked my body and is playing a private 3D movie inside my head.

No, I’m not sick or stupid, nor am I mentally ill. I have something called Complex PTSD as a result of witnessing and experiencing horrific things as a child, while also being abused in the worst possible way.

Trauma triggers can happen without any warning. I can only liken it to a seizure, in which your brain takes you inside your body, but you are completely aware of your surroundings. Your brain makes you remember, even when you don’t want to.

So, how do you come out of a trigger?

I may not be able to draw, but I can play the guitar and flute. If I’m having a bad day, listening to music doesn’t cut it for me.

I need more.

I need to feel the music emanating from my fingertips. This is when I turn to playing my own music. I feel much better after playing for an hour and have driven my emotions out through the beats and harmonies of the music.

How do you handle your feelings after a trigger?

Maybe you are like me and turn to music, but there are many ways to deal with triggers. You must try to find out what works best for you.

My most important advice is that you must take care of yourself after a triggered memory. They are exhausting, and it feels like your body has been for a workout afterward.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Photo by Marius Masalar on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Consider the fireflies shining into the darkness in the picture above. Let their lights shine the way throughout this reading.

In today’s post, I’m going to tackle depression.

Yeah, it’s a heavy word, with not such great connotations… You sigh and attempt to click away. Your finger hovers over the button because you want to avoid this topic. No one likes this word.

Hang on a minute. Give me a moment to explain my take on this word.

Depression.

When depression rears its ugly head, it’s hard to see anything positive. When we are stuck in the middle of a bad day, we see everything negatively. It’s a downward spiral that pulls us down like a vacuum, sucking us into darkness.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Let me explain…

My name is Lizzy, and I have been where you are. I have had many bad days, weeks, months, and even years. I’ve got the BAD T-shirt and I don’t ever want to go back there. My childhood was full of pain and suffering, but I left that world and started again.

In my new world, I have worked to build a life away from trauma and abuse. I’ve created a world of positive influences, and I am surrounded by people who share my vision.

Depression still grabs me from time to time, and triggers drag me back to my horrific childhood. Some of these experiences draw me into days of lasting depression, including foggy brain and sluggishness. Yeah, I’ve been there.

Therapy has helped me understand why I feel the way I do after a trigger. I was hurt, but that’s in the past. Things that are difficult today are nothing compared to where I have been.

In the great scheme of things, I recognize that life is not inherently bad. I see glimmers of hope everywhere I go.

Here is the kicker: we don’t have to stay in “bad day” mode. There are tools we can use to feel better.

This is what I do when I’m having a bad day:

• Breathe — A few deep breaths will help detox our system and replenish the air in our lungs.
• Mindfulness–Think about the moment you are in, the here and now. What do you need right now? Clarity helps when we are feeling down.
• Take a comfort break–If you cannot get away from your busy schedule, do something to calm yourself down. Splash some water on your face, or grab a coffee. The change of temperature will help you reset for a minute.
• Go for a walk–If it’s the end of the day, don’t go straight home. Go for a walk in the park and notice the leaves in the trees. Hear the birds exchanging avian gossip and notice the crickets playing their serenades. Feel your surroundings and let your heartbeat match. Nature does wonders to help us feel calm.

When you get home, don’t focus your mind on what has happened; instead, look at the next moments with open eyes.

Look for the glimmers of hope. When we open our minds beyond the pain of the moment, we see that those glimmers exist and are within reach.

When I am having a rough day, a glimmer might appear as any of the following:

• The sun stretches its rays over our driveway. A bumblebee settles inside one of the pink flower buds of a bush.
• My youngest is coming to greet me at the door and show me his latest model made by Legos. His beaming face says it all.
• My oldest has tidied his bedroom and found his long-lost favorite toy. Excited, he wants to share with me his newfound treasure.
• My husband is in the kitchen stirring the cheese sauce for a mac & cheese dinner. He turns around to smile at me, and I see that he has flour smeared on his cheek.

Life is not perfect, nor is it easy. But when we stop to notice beauty and simplicity, we feel better.

Maybe you had a bad day today. Can you find some glimmers of hope that reassure you that life is actually pretty good?

In the dark of the night, we suddenly see glowing fireflies!

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you enjoyed reading this post, I invite you to follow me:

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Photo by Renaud Confavreux on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/