This article discusses trauma, including sexual references that may not be appropriate for all.

My name is Lizzy, and I am a survivor of unimaginable trauma. I have lived through a childhood of sexual torture and witnessed several murders. Yet here I am, willing to share experiences from my childhood.

I survived, and I got a second chance in life.

I feel that the world today is ignorant of true suffering. People turn a blind eye to trauma when they have the means to help. Most people have never experienced being profoundly hungry, neglected, and deeply hurt–physically and sexually. Most people do not have any idea of what it is like growing up in an abusive home.

How might others possibly know what it is like if the survivors don’t speak up?

People who don’t know simply haven’t had the experience. There is an expectation that a trauma survivor just needs time to “get over it” or “snap out of it,” and then, voila! You have been cured from a life of devastating trauma. How I wish I could do just that!

In this post, I aim to explore trauma triggers. Most trauma survivors will say they hate triggers because of how they make us feel when we flash back into a traumatic memory.

Triggers are everywhere

Survivors of abuse and trauma see the world in a more intense way, compared with those who had a good childhood. We have experienced so much hurt in our past, and because of this, we constantly feel like we are living on the edge of a knife. Others don’t understand that.

Even the most mundane tasks (like slicing bread), can be a trigger, and send the entire day into a completely different direction.

I know, because I’m living this kind of life.

For me, there are triggers everywhere, and they can happen at any time. Although I have come a long way in my healing process and am no longer living in constant fear, I still have to work at not being afraid.

I can brush off most triggers because I’ve had them before, and they don’t affect me as much. These types of triggers connect to the painful memories I have dealt with in therapy. They have not gone away completely, but they do not hurt me as deeply as they did before. I know to expect them, and I know how to deal with them now.

Our healing journeys are unique. My childhood was riddled with abuse and trauma, and when I finally admitted to myself that I needed professional help, I was a mess. I had lost all sense of reality and was in bad shape. For a while, I bounced from therapist to therapist.

My husband was suffering through my never-ending nightmares. Each of the therapists tried to help, but none of them really saw the larger picture. I wasn’t ready to let anyone in.

The memories were just too horrific, too terrifying, and too encompassing.

Have you ever felt this way about your past?

Some of the therapists wanted to focus on how to handle triggers with various techniques like grounding and breathing. They worked to some degree, but the deep hurt was still shielded by my own layers of protection. I was like an onion, shielding my most painful memories deep inside a series of layers. I was still not ready to go “there” yet.

Painful triggers are unprocessed trauma memories.

How do you feel when you are triggered? Or if you have a loved one who’s experienced trauma — how do they react?

Trauma doesn’t just affect the ones who have lived through it–our loved ones are affected, too. My long-suffering husband has seen me in my worst moments, and he’s still here with me. The man deserves a medal, I can tell you that.

There are times when I do feel absolutely terrified by a trigger. When I get to this kind of fear, I pay attention to my breathing and ground myself in the present moment until the shock and pain subside

This kind of trigger feels horrifying, like being set on fire or having an ice bucket thrown over you. The pain feels just as real as it was in that initial traumatic moment. These are unprocessed trauma memories that have not been put into the correct part of the brain yet. They are raw memories, floating around in the wrong places, and they need to be acknowledged and processed.

These memories will keep “bumping” us until we can deal with them and recognize them for what they are. The brain can then process them into their rightful place. This is certainly not an easy thing to go through. It can take years of working through memories with professional help, but it can be done. I am living proof.

Have you ever been in a situation where you get so triggered that you cannot escape it–no matter what you do?

I remember once when I had the mother-of-all triggers. It was all-powerful and consumed me. I couldn’t escape, no matter what I tried to do–the memory was right there glaring at me to go back “there.”  I was still stuck in a past trauma memory, and I couldn’t move forward.

Getting professional help is a necessity.

I searched for a new therapist, and I happened to mention it to a friend. She knew another friend who had worked with a good therapist, helping her process a traumatic divorce.

I was skeptical at first because I had seen many professionals, and none of them had helped me much. I thought my childhood trauma memories were beyond help, and I was left to suffer.

I decided to give it a fair shake and made contact with the new therapist. This time, I hit the therapist jackpot. We instantly clicked; I laid out my history and stated what I was looking for. From there, we agreed on a plan to move forward in my healing journey.

If you haven’t met the right therapist yet, keep searching. The right help is out there.

Do not be afraid to seek help with your triggers. Doing so changed my life forever. Remember, you matter. Be kind to yourself and follow your heart.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by Cullan Smith on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Did you hear about the war?

Isn’t it shocking that he murdered his wife?

You hear people talk about horrific events in the line at the grocery store, on the beach, at the park, in restaurants, and bars. People are enjoying a good gossip, but they have no idea how their words can hurt or trigger someone. Words and other people’s reactions to events can be just as triggering as your nightmare, because it is daytime and you are in public. Your reaction can be catastrophic and impossible to explain.

How do you handle triggers from people and situations in public?

This is a very personal question, and of course, it depends on where you are, who you are with, and how easy it is to escape. By the word escape, I mean to go somewhere in private and have that release of emotions, whether it’s anger, fear, crying, or freezing.

Showing deep emotions is not easy to do when you have just been triggered by something, and you cannot leave.

I get triggered all the time, and it hurts really badly every time. I choose not to talk about them, but maybe I should? If I talk about them, more people would understand what it feels like to live with Complex PTSD. Life goes on, but for a trauma survivor, those memories follow like a shadow that will not go away. For a veteran, a car backfiring in the street can trigger a gunshot memory from a war zone. Computer and console games that have guns in them can trigger trauma memories from the war zone. An airplane flying over the city can spark a memory. A news broadcast from a traumatic event can cause triggers. People or animals being hurt can cause a severe reaction in trauma survivors because we know the pain.

Triggers are everywhere. It is how we deal with them that matters.

My most recent trigger was today. I was in the mall with my kids buying school supplies. My youngest needed a new backpack, and he couldn’t decide while my other son was making fun of him.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash just outside the store.

I panicked, grabbed my kids, and hunched down on the floor.

It was just a deliveryman who dropped a couple of big metal sheets on the floor. They made a big noise, and I wasn’t the only one reacting.

“Mommy, are you okay?” My youngest piped up, which pulled me out of my reverie. I had been somewhere else entirely. A memory from decades ago, but my son’s voice brought me back.

I took them for a cookie & smoothie treat after the backpack purchase. I couldn’t face driving home straight away. My hands were shaking, and I needed a moment.

Self-care after a traumatic memory is vital for our well-being. If you have one in public, make sure you are completely back in the present moment before you carry on with your day. My kids are used to me reacting to things, and although I cannot explain why I do it. They sense my distress. Kids know when something is not right. I will tell my kids about my past one day, but not yet. They deserve to have a great childhood first.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee.

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by José Martín Ramírez Carrasco on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Hey there. How are you doing today? Are you enjoying the weekend?

In this article, I’m going to share with you how getting the right therapist was the best thing I did for myself.

I am not ashamed to admit that I needed therapy to help me process and deal with my childhood trauma. I spent years searching for the right therapist.

In today’s world, many people hold the title of therapist, but their skill sets can differ like night and day. Don’t be ashamed to ask for credentials and experience before you sign up with a professional therapist.

Trust me, I’ve been through many so-called professionals and discovered that not everyone deserves the title they have on paper. In my opinion, these are the qualities I look for in a therapist:

• A good trauma therapist should be able to guide and support you.
• Be able to listen without interrupting.
• Hear what you have to say and act on it.
• They should understand when you have reached your limits and not press on.
• Your health and well-being should be their concern.
• They should have the vision to stop if they feel overwhelmed.
• Have empathy and see how hard it is for you to share deeply emotional memories.
• Confidentiality — what you say stays in the room.
• Good communication skills.
• Give you something back in your sessions to work on until the next one.

My new therapist opened my eyes to my reality as a trauma survivor. She made me recognize the hurt and pain I was living with every day. She also saw how much I had tried to cope with my past on my own.

Through therapy, I began to see myself in a different light than I used to. I was made aware of how much I suffered during my childhood, and that the abuse was not my fault.

Most important of all, my therapist made me see that I had to start to take care of myself. This was not easy because I had to make conscious decisions to put myself first. I was given “homework” like a school kid, and then every step forward was celebrated, no matter how small.

It took me years, but our healing journeys are not a race to the finish line. They’re more of a hike with mountains and valleys in your way.

The healing journey will take as long as it needs to, but believe me, you will get there eventually.

Why hire a therapist at all?

Taking stock and recognizing the trauma that you have endured is a huge milestone for survivors. It is also painful to do. A good therapist can help you through this process.

My trauma was dealt with in such a way that my brain could process it, for what it was. With my therapist’s help, I made sense of what had happened in my triggers and why I was reacting the way I did.

My therapist guided me through the trauma slowly at my own pace, and I realized that this was my body telling me that it was time. It was time I put the demons at rest, and move away from the past.

A good therapist will be able to guide and support you through this process. It is worth the time and effort to do it with a professional because they will know when to stop and when it is time to push on.

Learning to recognize and process a traumatic memory always feels out of reach at first. It’s way too much to handle on your own. It’s a bit like the childhood riddle: How does a mouse eat an elephant? The answer is: in small bites. If you think of it this way, suddenly the situation is a lot more positive. Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t do this,” tell yourself, “Yes, I can do this,” and “I’ve got it.”

From Darkness to Light: My Experience

My most painful trigger came out of the blue after watching the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie a few years back. I was with my friends, and we were curious about the movie everyone was talking about at the time. I felt odd after seeing the movie when a flash of darkness hit me, like a developing migraine. For days after, I had the same vision of darkness, where I saw more and more flashes of things I had buried deep within. They were so terrifying that I wanted to run away from my own head. I didn’t know what they meant, and I was in denial that I could have witnessed such things as a child. I couldn’t understand the visual of “The Red Room” from “Fifty Shades” in my own life. I saw it through the eyes of my four-year-old self, a different red room with people in it who were familiar. It was a sex warehouse full of items, the same as those in the movie: whips, handcuffs, rope, and different types of sex toys. The people in the room were using them on each other and on me. Those “tools” have haunted my unconscious mind for decades, deeply embedded in my brain.

My therapist was brilliant at guiding me through the horrific trauma memories that were raw and childlike. I was guided to expose those memories and go back to the child I was, turning everything I knew and narrating the triggers into a comprehensible trauma memory.

I was able to understand what had happened to me from an adult point of view. I replaced the childhood trauma memory with a mature understanding of what had happened to me.

Rewriting my horrific trauma memories in this way was life-changing for me. As traumatizing as my memories were, I could now move on. I accepted that it was my own past, and that it was not my fault. There was nothing I could have done at the time to get away from my abusers. I couldn’t stop the murders that I witnessed because I was a child. I was able to think about my past without falling apart. My memories are still painful, but they do not hurt me as much anymore. I have moved on because I understand them.

By looking back and rewriting the most horrific trauma memories with new narratives, I exposed the pain and hurt. The triggers were hurting me deeply, but after therapy, those same traumatic triggers are simply my past.

Even though the triggers were from the most terrifying time of my life, those same triggers were processed into a narrative that I could comprehend. By understanding what had happened to me through therapy, at my own pace, I turned this huge negative piece of me into something real.

I was no longer scared. The nightmares subsided, and the flashbacks slowed down. I could talk about it, and it was a huge relief to do just that. I was devouring my “trauma elephant” piece by piece.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they

have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee.

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Subtle Behavioral Patterns Rooted in Trauma

Studies indicate that unresolved trauma can alter a person’s behavioral responses without them being consciously aware. Several common habits may, in some cases, be linked to past experiences:

• Over-explaining or over-apologizing – Research suggests that individuals who grew up in environments where mistakes led to punishment or emotional withdrawal may develop a heightened sense of needing to justify their actions or preemptively apologize. This can be an adaptive response rooted in early-life experiences rather than a personality quirk.
• Perfectionism and Hyper-Productivity – Some trauma survivors exhibit heightened perfectionism, a trait that studies have associated with childhood environments where self-worth was linked to achievement or performance. The brain may interpret errors as potential threats, reinforcing a need for control over outcomes.
• Chronic procrastination and difficulty making decisions – Psychological findings suggest that trauma can interfere with executive functioning, leading to avoidance behaviors that are sometimes misinterpreted as laziness or a lack of motivation. Some individuals experience decision paralysis, fearing that making the wrong choice could lead to negative consequences similar to past experiences.
• Hyper-awareness of others’ moods – Experts in trauma psychology note that heightened sensitivity to tone, body language, or non-verbal cues, such as certain scents and sounds, can be an adaptive trait developed in unpredictable or emotionally volatile environments. This heightened vigilance may persist even in safe relationships.

Trauma’s Influence on Physical Health

The connection between trauma and physical health is well-documented in medical literature. Studies published in the field of psychoneuroimmunology have found links between unresolved trauma and various chronic health conditions, including:

• Chronic pain and autoimmune disorders – Some research suggests that trauma-related stress can contribute to inflammation and dysregulation of the immune system, leading to persistent physical symptoms.
• Tension-related headaches and muscle pain – A study in neurobiology highlights that prolonged stress responses can lead to hyperactivation of the nervous system, contributing to chronic tension.
• Digestive issues – The gut-brain axis is a well-studied area in medical science, and findings suggest that trauma can impact gut health, leading to irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or other digestive disturbances.

Decision-Making and Relationship Dynamics

Behavioral psychologists have observed patterns in how unresolved trauma may shape relationships and life choices:

• Attraction to familiar patterns – Studies on attachment and trauma suggest that individuals may unconsciously seek relationships that mimic past dynamics, even if those relationships are unhealthy.
• Fear of abandonment vs. hyper-independence – Research indicates that trauma survivors may react to relational stress in different ways—some may become overly dependent on others for validation, while others may push people away to maintain control over emotional safety.
• Difficulty setting boundaries – Psychological studies highlight that individuals with unresolved trauma may struggle to enforce boundaries, often prioritizing others’ needs over their own due to past conditioning.

Unresolved Trauma in Professional and Social Environments

The workplace and social interactions can also reveal hidden trauma responses:

• Workaholism and burnout – Some trauma survivors develop a strong identity tied to professional success as a means of maintaining stability and self-worth.
• Avoidance of conflict – Psychological literature has examined how past trauma can lead to discomfort with confrontation, causing individuals to avoid advocating for themselves.
• Overcommitting or people-pleasing – Some trauma survivors exhibit an ingrained pattern of overextending themselves to gain approval or avoid rejection.

Closing Thoughts

Unresolved trauma can manifest in ways that are often misinterpreted as simple personality traits or lifestyle choices. While not all individuals who exhibit these behaviors have experienced trauma, research continues to explore the subtle ways in which past experiences shape daily life. By recognizing these signs, individuals may gain a better understanding of their behavioral patterns and seek appropriate support. Understanding the complexities of trauma remains a growing area of research in psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral science. Further studies continue to uncover new insights into how trauma silently influences both mental and physical health, decision-making, and interpersonal relationships.

Photo by Dan Gribbin on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Dr. Mozelle Martin

Dr. Mozelle Martin is a retired trauma therapist and former Clinical Director of a trauma center, with extensive experience in forensic psychology, criminology, and applied ethics. A survivor of childhood and young adulthood trauma, Dr. Martin has dedicated decades to understanding the psychological and ethical complexities of trauma, crime, and accountability. Her career began as a volunteer in a women’s domestic violence shelter, then as a SA hospital advocate, later becoming a Crisis Therapist working alongside law enforcement on the streets of Phoenix. She went on to earn an AS in Psychology, a BS in Forensic Psychology, an MA in Criminology, and a PhD in Applied Ethics, ultimately working extensively in forensic mental health—providing psychological assessments, intervention, and rehabilitative support with inmates and in the community. A published author and lifelong student of life, she continues to explore the relationship and crossovers of forensic science, mental health, and ethical accountability in both historical and modern contexts.

www.InkProfiler.com

This is mainly due to the chaos I have experienced in times of abuse. My mind becomes triggered, and the fight or flight response envelops me in its staticky energy. I feel my stomach at the level of my throat and the anxiety I feel sends shivers up my spine. In times like these, it is easy for me to go back to an early time. A time when I was less resilient than I am today, a time when gaslighting was commonplace and common sense was nowhere to be found. The scariest part of this feeling is the sense of aloneness.

I ask myself the same questions that everyone else does: “Do other people see what is happening?” “Is this moment real?” “What can I do next?” My mind races, my thoughts collide, and my energy fades.

Perhaps you know this feeling? Perhaps you are with me, and I am not as alone as I thought?

When triggered, it is a time to ask better questions. “How can I nurture myself so that my body can rest?”, “How can I relax my mind, so that it can think clearly?”, “What resources do I have to support myself?”

Disconnecting does not mean giving up. It means tuning in. Inside each of us exists a source of awareness. Yes, what you are seeing is real. But it is also real that right now, in this moment, you are safe.

This moment is all we have, and the only thing that is certain is right here inside of you.

What occurs inside you is as real as what occurs outside of you. You are the living experience of this moment. Protect your perception by seeing it all. See your fear, your anger, your apprehensions, but also see your resilience, your growth, and your truth with loving awareness.

Yes. There are gaslighters. Trust yourself to spot them.

Connect with the fear and trust yourself to breathe through it.

Hold the sadness, and care for your sorrows as a mother cares for her child.

You can do hard things and be safe. You can feel difficult feelings and remain whole. You can experience fear and remind yourself of resilience.

Be in this moment, but not of this moment- for the moment will pass and all that remains is what you taught yourself you can endure.

Photo by Sushil Nash on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Kechi Mourer

In addition to serving as a college administrator in higher education, I am also a Psychology and Sociology Professor. Perhaps, most importantly, like many of you, I am a survivor of abuse and relational trauma. I write to raise awareness about how we can align with the best parts of ourselves. My writing focuses on the social and psychological factors that guide our decision making.

medium.com/@kechimourer

Grandma Clare, my stepmother, is a narcissist. Over the past decade, I have set boundaries and distanced my family from her emotionally abusive behavior.

“It would be weird for the average person to invite their twenty-two-year-old granddaughter, who still lives at home with her father, mother, and younger sister, over for a birthday celebration while not inviting the rest of the family,” I acknowledged. “But unfortunately, it’s classic Grandma Clare behavior. She doesn’t typically consider other peoples’ feelings.”

“So, should I go,” Harper asked. “I’d like to see Grandma and Grandpa; it just feels strange going by myself.”

I encouraged my daughter to go to dinner and spend time with her Grandparents since she wanted to see them. Even though my stepmother was self-centered and manipulative, Harper’s had a decent relationship with them over the years, and I always fostered that for her sake. Harper was the first-born grandchild, so Clare was fond of her. Sadly, the novelty wore off when my second daughter, Abby, was born, and Clare has mostly ignored her.

When Harper came home from dinner, she had half a birthday cake.

“Grandma insisted I take the rest of the cake home,” Harper told us. “I told her no thank you a few times, but she pretty much forced me to take it.”

Harper filled me in on some updates about her cousins and said it was mostly an enjoyable time, with a handful of awkward silences. I smiled and told her that I was glad she enjoyed the dinner.

After Harper left the kitchen I looked at the half-cake sitting on the counter with a lump in my throat. Clare makes that cake for everyone, for every birthday. It was the cake I had for each of my birthdays throughout middle school and high school. And even though I am the one who opted to go low contact with that side of my family, looking at that cake brought me to tears.

It triggered a mix of emotions in me. I felt hurt and anger from being reminded of my tumultuous teenage years growing up without my own mother, who had passed away, and being raised by a stepmother who didn’t care much for me, to put it mildly. I also experienced resentment because I’d done a lot of work to heal and grow, putting boundaries in place to protect myself and my family, and it could all be shaken by something as absurd as a cake. I was surprised by grief, a sense of mourning the loss of my relationship with the family I grew up in.

My husband walked into the kitchen as I was about to leave, “Are you okay?”

I told him what was going on and said, “I don’t want Harper to see me upset, I’m glad she has a relationship with them. It just hurts to see that cake, the cake that was a part of the family that I used to be a part of, but I’m not anymore.”

Harper was coming back towards the kitchen and overheard us talking, and a few days later, she approached me. We talked about the cake and Grandma Clare.

“At first, I thought Grandma was just trying to be nice by having me take the cake home,” Harper said. “But after hearing you and Dad talk, I had a conversation with my friend Emma about it. You know Emma’s a psych major, right? She said it sounded like triangulation.” Harper went on to tell me she looked it up and read about how triangulation is used to play favorites and pit one person against another so that the manipulator feels a sense of control and supremacy.

“I think Grandma may have had me take the cake home on purpose to get to you,” she disclosed. “I know that sounds like a bit much, but I tried to tell her I didn’t want the cake, and she literally made me take it home.” Harper continued, “And then hearing how it did upset you made me think that may have been her intention. I know you don’t really talk to her anymore, so the only way she can bother you now is through other people. I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Harper, you have nothing to apologize for,” I reassured. “Her psychologically abusive behavior is the reason I opted for low contact all of those years ago. She tends to pull in her favored kids and grandkids close while snubbing the ones she doesn’t like as much. Sending you home with cake certainly could have been her way of showing me what I’m missing. Her using you to bring something home that would get a reaction out of me does sound like a triangulation tactic,” I admitted. “But it’s also a good reminder that we can engage with her if and when we want to, yet we do not have to succumb to her ploys of manipulation. Doing what we’re doing right now, communicating openly with each other, will hopefully shut down future attempts to influence us. Instead, we can dismiss them as her pitiful attempts to feel superior to others.”

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Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Sadie Montgomery

Sadie Montgomery was born and raised in the Midwestern United States, where she currently resides on the shore of Lake Superior with her husband and children. She is the award winning author of Atlas of Scars, her debut memoir on Complex Trauma. “I write to connect with survivors, advocate for the community, and raise awareness.”

www.sadiemontgomery.com/

Research has shown that excessive exposure to social media can contribute to mental health issues and dissatisfaction with body image, which each fuel one another. 

With billions of social media users worldwide, the effects of these platforms and technology on our mental health can be felt on a global scale. 

The positives we can take from social media

First, the positives—social media can positively impact our body image, with millions of fitness, food, and wellness accounts providing inspiration and aspirational content. Through these lenses, users can maintain their healthy lifestyles and take a positive view of their bodies. 

With an increasing number of body-positive accounts to follow who will advocate for a healthier perspective on how we look, social media users can benefit from a different perspective on their body image. 

Platforms such as Instagram and TikTok have the potential to empower people to stay healthy. Since most platforms have made eating-disorder-specific keywords such as “anorexia”, “bulimia”, and “thinspiration” unsearchable, helping to provide a healthier representation. 

By their very design, social channels are online communities where people can engage with other like-minded people and share ideas or opinions, fostering a diverse conversation on topics such as mental health and body image. 

How social media can influence poor mental health

Unfortunately, excessive consumption of seemingly perfect bodies and unfaltering diets can take its toll on our mental health and even lead to disordered eating. 

Social media can impact our emotions in various ways, making us feel anxious or depressed, angry or frustrated at the lives of people we see on social media channels. 

Over time, this can lead to unrealistic expectations of how our bodies should look and this can cause unhealthy eating habits. “You might have obsessive thoughts about food or reach for a certain type of meal when you’re feeling sad or unsure of something. For some, unhealthy eating behaviors are focused more on weight and body image than the feelings associated with eating”, says Olivia Marcellino, VP of Research at Recovery.com. 

It’s important to remember that social media is filled with people presenting a highlight reel of their lives, and this includes the way they present images of themselves. 

Photoshop, filters, and editing tools make it possible to completely reinvent ourselves into perfect images, which can make for impossible standards to reach and feel as though we’re in a constant state of comparison. 

Social media can make us feel as though we have a personal connection to the people we follow, and it can make it much easier to be influenced by the content we view every day.

This continual state of dissatisfaction can impact our mental health in other ways, too, lowering our self-esteem and increasing the likelihood of depression. 

Studies have even shown that increased use of social media can influence poor sleep quality and higher levels of anxiety and depression in young adults, as well as feelings of loneliness and isolation. The price paid for access to social media, in many cases, is our mental health and an unhealthy view of our own body image. 

Combatting the effects of social media on mental health

By taking a proactive approach to how we use social media, it is possible to counteract the negative effects it can have on our body image and mental health. As with anything in life, balance is key. 

Take a break from social media for a while so you can refocus and rid your mind of the negative feelings scrolling through accounts can have. This might be for a few hours when you notice your emotions are dipping, or it might be stepping back for a few weeks to gain perspective and regroup. 

It’s also important to regularly assess who you’re following and why. Do you notice that after viewing content from a certain account, you feel angry, upset, or envious? It could be that these types of accounts aren’t having a positive effect, and it’s time to unfollow them. 

Social media should be fun and uplifting, so make a habit of going through your accounts every so often to ensure that the people you’re following are producing content that’s inspiring you and putting you in a better mood, not bringing you down. 

We’re social beings and we want to forge connections with others, so use social media for the purpose it was intended and find a community that supports you. 

Follow body-positive accounts, get involved with conversations online that promote positive mental health and join groups that support one another and lift people up. It can help to shift your mindset of what an ‘ideal’ body type can look like and do wonders for making you feel good about yourself and those around you.

Sometimes, it’s not possible to alleviate the impact social media can have without professional help, particularly if the outcome of negative social media usage has resulted in disordered eating. When our mental health has been poor for some time, getting out of that mindset can be tough. But there are options, from counselling and therapy sessions to prescription medication and more, which can help us get back to a healthier perspective. 

Final thoughts

Social media certainly has its plus points – it can help us foster connections with people from all over the world and view issues and topics from different perspectives. But it has a dark side, and we need to be cautious of how we use social media channels and how often in order to protect our mental health and stave off issues. 

Whether it’s being careful who we follow, paying attention to how long we’re scrolling every day, or seeking help and support when we can feel our mental health slipping, there are ways to combat the negative impact that social media can have and focus on the positives instead.

Photo via Unsplash: Becca Tapert

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Sophie Bishop

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Gabrielle Lynch

The intricate system running behind the scenes of our daily lives, governed by the vagus nerve, our autonomic nervous system, and particularly the concept of neuroception, could be making more decisions than we realize, deeply influencing our interactions through our physiology, perceptions, stories, and beliefs.

“In most individuals (i.e., those without a psychiatric disorder or neuropathology), the nervous system evaluates risk and matches neurophysiological state with the actual risk of the environment. When the environment is appraised as being safe, the defensive limbic structures are inhibited, enabling social engagement and calm visceral states to emerge. In contrast, some individuals experience a mismatch, and the nervous system appraises the environment as being dangerous even when it is safe. This mismatch results in physiological states that support fight, flight or freeze behaviors but not social engagement behaviors. According to the theory, social communication can be expressed efficiently through the social engagement system only when these defensive circuits are inhibited.”   Dr. S Poges ‘The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system’

Neuroception, a term coined by Dr. Porges, refers to the subconscious process by which our nervous system evaluates and responds to environmental cues of safety, danger, or life threat without conscious awareness. This continuous background scanning affects how we perceive interactions, situations, and even ourselves. When neuroception senses safety, we can engage openly and connect deeply; when it detects a threat, it may trigger defensive responses that shape our beliefs and narratives, often without our conscious recognition.

In a balanced, healthy system, there is a tiered and hierarchical approach to our engagements, which can be summarized as connect, protect, and eject.

We try connecting the Ventral Vagal state, failing which we defend/protect the Sympathetic Fight/Flight state and failing which we eject the Dorsal State/ Freeze and possibly collapse/shutdown/submit the Fawn/Please and Appease responses.

Dr. Stephen Porges explains, “The social engagement system uses the neural circuits that regulate the muscles of the face and head to communicate our physiological state to others.” When trauma affects these neural circuits, our ability to feel safe and connect with others is compromised.

Why This System is Key to Stress and Trauma Stress Recovery

1. Creating a Sense of Safety: The social engagement system helps us feel safe through healthy, repeatable, positive social interactions. We can learn to engage with others while being aware of our internal need for safety cues and meet them through supportive practices and compassionate inquiries. Using exteroception, we can begin to accurately interpret cues of safety in our external environment. These help the nervous system shift from a state of defense to one of connection, deeper ease, and relaxation.
2. Facilitating Emotional Regulation: Trauma often leaves us in a state of hypervigilance or emotional numbness. By nurturing the social engagement system, we can improve our ability to regulate emotions and monitor and respond to stress in a healthier way. This involves recognizing and addressing dysregulation as it happens in the present moment. Rather than being overwhelmed by the deep imprints of past trauma, we can slow down trauma time and attune ourselves with tenderness.
3. Rebuilding Trust and Connection: Early relationships and traumatic experiences shape our capacity to trust and connect. By engaging in nourishing self-care, consistent practices that build both positive bio and neuro plasticity while intentionally sharing time and space with other more mature nervous systems, we can begin to rewire these patterns and build new, healthier relationships while fostering a trusting relationship with yourself too.
4. Empowering Present Moment Awareness: Healing from trauma is less about changing the past and more about what we can do right now. Mindfulness, body listening, and present-moment awareness help us recognize when we are spending too much time in dysregulation. Embodying a regulated state helps us recognize the need to invite ourselves back time and again, feeling tethered to an unwavering trust in our steadfast self-love. Our earnest efforts to help ourselves in ‘real’ ways begin to make a ‘real’ difference in promoting true inner calm, balance, and authentic connection. When you feel secure in and with yourself, you are less focused on what’s not ok and more trusting in what is.

Understanding that this system has a profound influence on our ability to heal, supports us to compassionately reframe our experiences. Through restoring the system and reclaiming agency over our stories, triggers, human-to-human interactions, and valid emotional responses. By bringing understanding and awareness to this underlying process, we can start to gently unravel and rewire the deep-seated patterns and conditioning that steer our lives, personally and professionally. Fostering a sense of embodied safety empowers us to make more conscious, aligned choices.

Past, Present, and Future Come Together

A Trauma-Informed Approach to Utilizing the Social Engagement System

1. Awaken the System: Trauma-informed practitioners can help you reawaken and reconnect with this system to increase the healing capacity within the vagus nerve, which is optimized while opening ventral vagal circuits. Roseanne believes this helps to build a newfound sense of trust between the language of the body, mind, emotions, and the nervous system and, in her professional opinion, should be the first step of trauma stress recovery. ‘Experiencing change reinforces the belief that change and healing is possible.’
2. Recognize Dysregulation: The second step in trauma recovery is recognizing when we are dysregulated. This manifests in different ways, for example as hyper vigilance, anxiety, dissociation, over pleasing and easily triggered fight-or-flight responses. Attune to the body, the direction of thoughts, the shifts and interruptions of energy, interpret internal sensations and external signals as healing intelligence. This helps us take steps to regulate our nervous system and rest more peacefully.
3. Somatic Practices and Build Interoceptive Accuracy: Deep, slow diaphragmatic breathing activates the ventral vagus nerve, promoting a sense of calm. This simple practice can help us return to a state of regulation and engage our social engagement system more effectively. Building proprioception and accurate interoception by teaching our body how to begin to recognize good sensations will nurture the integrative qualities of different brain regions. Helping it learn that different doesn’t mean bad and that it’s safe to rest and relax. Closing the knowing feeling gap – knowing safety and feeling safe- knowing joy and feeling joyful – knowing your body and feeling embodied- are completely different experiences.
4. Engage in Healthy Nourishing Social Interactions: Surrounding ourselves with supportive, understanding individuals can foster a sense of safety and connection. These interactions help rebuild trust and reinforce the social engagement system too.
5. Seek Professional Support: Therapists trained in trauma-informed care can provide guidance and techniques to help us regulate our nervous system and engage in positive social behaviors. They can also help us understand and process past trauma in a safe environment.
6. Embrace Self-Compassion: Recognizing that healing is a living experience allows us to be gentle with ourselves. As Dr. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher, suggests, “Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.” Compassion builds vagal tone.

Moving Forward: No Judgment, Just Healing Intelligence

Life is full of our human-ness and our human mess, and we all have moments when we feel despair, deep distress, regular stress, overwhelm, emotional dysregulation, stagnation, and disconnection. The goal is not to make these wrong or bad, not to judge ourselves or these experiences, but to acknowledge them and take steps toward restoring inner balance and healing. Growth is possible, and deep restoration and rewiring of our nervous system can happen. When we focus on what is available in this present moment and engage in practices that support our social engagement system, the body-mind connection starts to work with and for us rather than against us.

By creating an inner environment of safety by prioritizing our well-being and nurturing our needs, boundaries, and social connections, we can move forward with our trauma and build a good life filled with emotional resilience and hope.

Remember, healing is not about perfection but about sustainable personal progress. It’s not about healing every aspect of our history, it’s about balancing our past with building an embodied vision of how you see yourlsef navigating life on a day to day basis. The potential to restore a true sense of connection to an inner aliveness while being able to attend to what is arising, is possible.

Each moment of embodied awareness and each act of self-compassion brings us closer to a state of embodied safety and well-being. Let’s embrace this journey together, knowing that we have the power to transform our lives, one moment of recovery at a time.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Roseanne Reilly

Roseanne Reilly DipNUR, APCST, ERYT500hr CEP specializing in Restoring Safety to the Nervous System

Roseanne comes from a Background of Nursing, She is an Advanced CranioSacral Therapist, Experienced Yoga Teacher and Health Educator and contributor to the Nervous System Economy

Roseanne provides research based tools and resources for nervous systems restoration following chronic and trauma stress

She provides insights from her own healing journey towards recovery, through blogs, weekly resources, work shops, courses, 1 to 1 mentoring and small group sessions

Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/in/roseanne-reilly-3014a0200/

website address: https://handsoftimehealing.com/

www.handsoftimehealing.com

Many people think of grief as a reaction to the loss of a person, relationship, pet, or job. Grieving is a whole-body experience; both the body and the mind are involved. People may cry or feel sad, or they may become incredibly angry and moody. They may lose their appetite or eat too much. They may have issues with sleeping, either too much or not enough. They may sigh often and find that they cannot concentrate. They also may begin to cling to other people or animals, fearing that these will be taken away as well. They may lose the will to live.

Complications of Grief Combined with CPTSD:

Living with PTSD and CPTSD is like watching the reality of your life suddenly and unexpectedly tossed up into the air repeatedly. The reality shatters like a puzzle. Then the puzzle pieces fall all around, and you do not know how to put the picture back together again. Life seems like you are trying to navigate a minefield in the dark with the brain constantly screaming “Danger! Danger!”

To repair the picture, you must deal with pain, sometimes pain that feels enormous and even unbearable. When a person has been rejected or is feeling emotional pain from other issues, the same part of the brain that is activated during physical pain becomes triggered. That is why it hurts so much. People who are survivors of severe trauma, especially developmental trauma from childhood may have more intense grief reactions. CPTSD causes people to have trouble regulating their emotions and feelings may seem more intense and unmanageable.

Examples of Triggers to Grief:

Many people do not realize that grief is not only about actual loss but is also about what you did not have a chance to have in your life. The loss of health, for example, a common issue with CPTSD survivors can cause grief. Not being able to do the things you used to do, can feel devastating at times.

Another common concern is betrayal trauma. This happens when a child or adult has been betrayed by someone that they trusted. A frequent occurrence is when a parent does not protect a child or refuses to believe when a child reports abuse or molestation. This form of trauma can happen to an adult when a loved one or another trusted person deceives them and harms them. Lies and deceit by people you care about can destroy confidence. It can cause damaged faith in other people and yourself. This can increase CPTSD symptoms.

The Death of an Abusive Parent:

When you do not have the love and support of a parent(s), or a normal childhood it can be more difficult to cope when an abusive parent dies. Many people do not understand why they may feel sad when an abusive parent dies.

This is caused by the loss of hope, the loss of a dream that the parent(s) will change and love and accept the person or will apologize and make amends. When a person dissociates and is learning not to, the whole situation may feel intolerable. The same thing may occur when a person is learning to cope with life without substances or using other addictions. The temptation to return to old unhealthy coping skills may be almost impossible to resist.

People must listen to their inner voice, the higher, wiser self before acting. This takes practice and confidence in yourself. Everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. Tuning into your own needs and permitting yourself to use self-care can help to relieve the hurt and confusion.

Using Grief as a Stepping Stone for Healing:

Any unresolved loss can also trigger a person if a new loss happens. Holistically people heal in layers, top to bottom, inside to out, newer things heal more quickly, and older things take longer to heal. Things can also come back for healing on a deeper level and the person may then have a “relapse” which is just a recycling. Old symptoms may return and present symptoms may grow worse temporarily.

If you visualize healing as a spiral staircase, you may think you have gone back to the beginning again, but you are up a level. No one is ever back at the beginning although it feels that way at times.

It takes enormous courage and discernment to continue to heal old layers and live your present-day life at the same time. Giving yourself credit for how far you have come is essential and helps to repair damaged self-esteem and self-confidence.

It can be helpful to listen to yourself and allow triggers to be a sign that further work is necessary. Many survivors have huge problems with permitting themselves to practice self-care. Being gentle with yourself is healthier than self-medicating with food, substances, relationships, or self-harm. Identifying and labeling feelings is a way of making them more manageable and reducing the need to self-medicate.

A step up on the spiral staircase is learning to be your own best friend and advocate while honoring and respecting yourself. This can assist in healing the layers of scars in the body, mind, and soul.

Resources:

The following are links to my three books. The first two books have tools that can be used for healing. The last one, a novel, is the first in a trilogy. The titles are: Unlocking the Puzzle of PTSD, Restoring the Broken Threads and Cry for the Children.

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Puzzle-PTSD-Holistic-Restoring/dp/B08KYPDL8B

https://www.amazon.com/Religion-Spirituality-Susan-Pollard-MS-Books/s?rh=n%3A22%2Cp_27%3ASusan+Pollard+MS

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=9798377318118&i=stripbooks&linkCode=qs

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

Susan Pollard, MS

https://www.facebook.com/susanpollardlifecoach susanp113@gmail.com

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Susan Pollard