“I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman.” – Virginia Woolf.

Virginia Woolf’s epic observation, often rephrased as “For most of history, Anonymous was a woman,” is a clinical analysis of a biased history that still continues to haunt many writers, especially in conservative cultures. Many adopted pen names or vague pseudonyms out of necessity.

History is full of these survival tactics. The Brontë Sisters published as Currer, Ellis, and Acton Bell to avoid being “looked on with prejudice.” George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) knew her work required a male name to be taken seriously. Jane Austen wrote simply as “By a Lady” to shield her family from scandal. Centuries later, E.L. James (Erika Mitchell) of “Fifty Shades of Grey” fame chose a pen name to write bold themes without judgment. And then there is J.K. Rowling.

For these writers, anonymity was a shield to navigate a world that punished their voices. Their narratives remind us how exclusion, gatekeeping, and the pressure to perform or disappear have long shaped who gets heard—and who gets erased.

Never  Hide Your Voice: Own it

‘If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.’ — George Orwell.

My experience has been a masterclass in life lessons. I speak only for myself here. I have anxiety, BPD, and mild ADHD, and I am no expert on human behaviour. Yet every time I think I’ve finally built a shield against toxic behaviour, life comes crashing with another powerful lesson.

Lack of Empathy, and Dehumanization

Truth be told, we are constantly surrounded by mirrors—people whose kindness, cruelty, manipulation, or love reveal who we are.

As humans, we cannot live as islands. We crave the security of community. Yet the dark irony is that we often judge others to feel we belong in a community.

We huddle into cliques, become self-appointed gatekeepers of groups, and decide who is in and who is out.

We use taunts and jabs by indirect implication. We hide behind herds, and God help the person who doesn’t fit the mold.

When “Your Circle” Weaponizes Power &Triggers CPTSD

For CPTSD survivors, the deepest wounds often come not from dramatic violence, the screaming arguments, the stinging blow of physical abuse, or getting sucker punched. It happens from slow, agonizing social isolation—whether chosen or weaponized by others. In my dysfunctional family, the people meant to be my safe haven hurt me in ways that still echo to this day.

Toxic families and friends can use exclusion and isolation to hurt you. This is a silent ban with a thousand cuts, delivered by people who claim to care about you.

The “Outcast/Blacksheep” Syndrome

I have anxiety, BPD, and mild ADHD; growing up in a dysfunctional family, my sister and I were the “unnecessary baggage” . We were outcasts because it was easier for the “strong adults” to trample the “weak children.”

“There is bullying, and then there is bullying of the worst kind; it’s called ‘social isolation… where you herd together ‘the strong’ and trample ‘the weak’ because there is strength in numbers.” — Jenney Clark, Don’t Be Afraid to Love

When you grow up with BPD, your nervous system learns that safety is conditional. You learn that if you don’t “perform” how the family wants, you will be cast out. This is the very definition of CPTSD. It is about the constant, looming threat of being abandoned, socially and emotionally.

Tales from the Trenches

Discrimination and bullying don’t end just because people become adults after they get their degree or a manager’s office. It just gets a more expensive haircut, a success or money-can-buy-anything uncivilized behaviour, and a “social” mask. I’ve seen it play out in my own life for years, through family, work, and inner circles. These are situations that shaped my life.

Consider the dynamic I encountered a few years back.

The Architect, a person with professional standing who never raised their voice. Instead, they used the “social snub”: inviting me to events only to exclude me from conversations, joking loudly with others just out of my reach. It was a clear power move signalling to the room: She is on the outside. It keeps you permanently on the outside looking in.

Not calling out such behaviour is tantamount to letting this form of bullying happen to someone else.

Then, there are the Bystanders. The ones who watched this happen. This person was the “silent enabler.” They will look at you, shrug, and justify the Architect’s behavior. “Oh, they didn’t mean it like that.” But their eyes will say, I’m just happy it’s you and not me. In a clique, silence isn’t neutral. By saying nothing, the Bystander becomes the enabler. If you dont speak out against a wrong, you are an accomplice.

Discrimination and Baiting Crowd: Why This Triggers CPTSD

Is bullying even more contemptible when it is done by adults?

For those of us with childhood trauma, these adult “toxic communities” are  retraumatizing. They mirror the “outcast” feeling of being unprotected and unseen. When your experience is invalidated as “everyone goes through difficulties,” it triggers a primal survival fear. Imagine opening your heart to trusted people and getting trolled for baring your soul to them.

It’s a psychological hijack. You feel like you are five years old, abandoned, and alone again

And the worst part? The gaslighting that follows—“You’re too sensitive,” “It’s all in your head”—is classic emotional abuse.

Choosing “Real Love” Over “Fake Safety”

The hardest lesson I’ve learned—and one I’m calling from the rooftops to my fellow trauma warriors is that you cannot find “healing” in toxic relationships.

If you’re feeling alone, consider this:

Call out the bully: Bullies are often cowards, and they no longer exist only on the playground. They exist on your social media as trolls behind the safety of a screen; they are in your teams and in your communities. Calling out their behaviour sets boundaries, stops the cycle of abuse, and asserts that their behaviour is unacceptable.

• Recognize people for who they are: Some people thrive  on security in numbers, rather than authenticity or inner resilience. Their need for control says everything about them and nothing about your worth.
• Forgive, but set boundaries: As for me, I forgave those who hurt me, yet I no longer allow them space in my life.
• Seek your genuine exceptions: Look for the rare souls who offer kindness when it costs them something—the “loyalists” who provide support and unconditional love.
• Refuse to settle: You are as worthy. Real love—authentic connection—exists outside the trolling and herd mentality.

Don’t shrink yourself to fit rooms that want to keep you out. Healing means refusing to let others define your story.

Practical Steps for Healing from Trauma

• Understand your triggers and patterns: Journal the ways childhood dysfunctions, bullying, and toxic behaviours have shaped your nervous system responses.
• Practice somatic safety: Gentle body-based practices such as grounding, mindfulness, and breathwork help “the fight or flight” mode that exclusion triggers.
• Build micro-connections: Start with one safe person or a small, values-aligned group rather than seeking large groups.
• Seek trauma-informed support: Therapies like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or CPTSD-focused groups can help with relational wounds.

While everyone’s journey is unique, in my experience, reaching out for support helps.  If you are experiencing any form of toxic relationships, bullying, adult bullying, or isolation, reach out to the CPTSD Foundation community or a trauma-informed therapist. You are not alone. The only person who can truly grant us freedom is ourselves. So, take your power back!!!

Resources & References

• Relational Trauma: CPTSD Foundation – Treating Complex Relational Trauma
  https://cptsdfoundation.org/2022/11/14/treating-complex-relational-trauma/
  https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/19/the-hidden-legacy-of-relational-trauma-breaking-free-from-codependency-and-complex-ptsd/)
• Scapegoating Dynamics: Psychology Today
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/family-dynamics
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202104/how-toxic-families-choose-a-child-to-scapegoat)
• My Journey: Awakened Souls Podcast | www.jenneyclark.com
  

International Support for Adult Bullying, Trauma & Isolation:

• Befrienders Worldwide – Emotional support and listening services in over 90 countries (find local helplines): https://befrienders.org/
• International Bullying Prevention Association (IBPA) – Global resources for bullying prevention and intervention: https://ibpaworld.org/
• International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD) – Resources, fact sheets, and therapist locator for complex trauma: https://www.isst-d.org/
• Blue Knot Foundation (Australia-focused but useful internationally for complex trauma survivors): https://blueknot.org.au/ (Helpline: 1300 657 380)
• Support: If you are experiencing adult bullying, reach out to the Workplace Bullying Institute (a leading resource for adult and workplace bullying support) https://workplacebullying.org/
• Additional general support: StopBullying.gov resources for adults – https://www.stopbullying.gov/

If you’re in immediate distress or crisis anywhere in the world, reach out to a local helpline via Befrienders Worldwide or your country’s emergency services.

Photo by Luke Leung on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

I always think of this scene when I’m emotionally triggered. For me, it’s an accurate metaphor for how it feels to become hyperactivated in response to a perceived threat. It is very easy to interpret what’s really in front of you (toy gun) as something far more threatening (real gun), and react more violently than the situation requires. The scene further represents to me how those reactions can have consequences, particularly in our intimate relationships.

…

In recent decades, the term trigger has been co-opted by popular culture to mean any type of strong feeling in the face of an uncomfortable or unpleasant experience.[2] Social media accounts use it for example to mock “woke” people who get offended, and educational “trigger warnings” promise to protect us from potentially disturbing content.

Yet these mainstream uses of the term fail to capture its original meaning, and don’t necessarily cater to the needs of those most prone to feeling triggered: survivors of serious trauma.[3]

As therapists Sue Marriot and Ann Kelley describe, being emotionally triggered occurs when an implicit traumatic memory from our past “flood[s] [us] with a feeling that doesn’t make sense in the present.”[4] This “memory” is not experienced as such, but rather as a sudden physiological experience of acute emotional distress.

While we may be on the right track about what’s actually happening to us (something uncomfortable is most likely taking place), our sympathetic nervous system feels that discomfort at a disproportionate level to the current situation.[5]

To quote Marriot and Kelley, “the channel is right, but the volume is too high.”[6]

Doctor Ramani, an author and clinical psychologist, describes the experience of being triggered using a slightly different metaphor. She explains that when we encounter a situation that evokes our original trauma, we may feel “plucked’ like a guitar string.”[7] Once plucked, that guitar string continues to vibrate long after the threat has passed. As a result, survivors of trauma who are triggered may appear to the outside world as though they are overreacting or having a hard time “getting over it.”

The truth is it simply takes time for that vibration–originating from deep, nervous system-held emotional wounds–to come to an end.[8]

The experience of being triggered or plucked becomes uniquely complicated in response to relational trauma. While episodic traumas–a serious accident or natural disaster, for instance–are also extraordinarily painful, the source of the triggers associated are usually a bit easier to demarcate, such as a particular location, activity, or time of year.[9] Relational traumas, by contrast, can be more nuanced and less clear, making it harder to anticipate potentially triggering events.[10]

Additionally, the intense reactions that result from relational triggers get played out in relationship, meaning that survivors may misattribute the source of their distress to the very people with whom they desire safety and closeness. What’s seen as an overreaction to the non-triggered person then leaves the survivor feeling alone and ashamed, unable to communicate the depth and significance of their experience.[11]

It is essential to understand, however, that emotional triggers do not only stem from “negative” experiences. Survivors of relational abuse may feel triggered by “positive” interactions with an intimate partner because they mimic the love bombing and honeymoon stages in their previous toxic relationships.

Therapist Nadine Macaluso, in her book Run Like Hell, explains how our nervous systems become addicted to the cycle of abuse: “Because of the ongoing manipulative love tactics, your nervous system becomes ungrounded. Love-bombing is so extreme that it creates a flood of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine in the brain…the same neurotransmitter that…drives the addictive cycle of cocaine.”[12]

Psychotherapist William Brennan in turn explains that survivors may find positive moments therefore “traumatic to experience because of fear and powerlessness…the fear of relapse, craving, difficulty in error monitoring, [and] longing.”[13] In other words, the entire abuse cycle–love bombing, devaluation, and discarding–becomes triggering to the survivor in the aftermath of the relationship.

…

The good news for survivors of trauma is that, with therapy, mindfulness, self-care, and other forms of healing, the pluck becomes smaller, the string tighter, and the vibration shorter.[14] Like the giant, we may still have moments that take us out of ourselves, but we can begin to build the tools of self-awareness and self-regulation that makes repair possible.

Our nervous systems, so easily wired for threat, can thankfully be re-wired to incorporate feelings of safety and connection.

As Hogarth reminds the giant at the end of the film, “You are what you choose to be.”[15] No matter how reactive or powerless our emotional triggers make us feel, we indeed have a choice in how we respond to our trauma. And in fact, with intention, care, and support, the learning that comes from trauma can even become our superpower.

[1] Bird, Brad, director. The Iron Giant. Warner Bros., 1999.

[2] “Understanding Emotional Triggers – Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It.” Therapists Uncensored, episode TU08, 28 Sept. 2016.

[3] Jones, Payton J., et al. “Helping or harming? the effect of trigger warnings on individuals with trauma histories.” Clinical Psychological Science, vol. 8, no. 5, 1 June 2020.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Doctor Ramani. Why You Should STOP Saying the Narcissist TRIGGERED You… 20 Feb. 2023.

[6] “Understanding Emotional Triggers.” Therapists Uncensored.

[7] Doctor Ramani. Why You Should STOP Saying the Narcissist TRIGGERED You.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Ibid.

[10] Ibid.

[11] Ibid.

[12] Macaluso, Nadine. Run like Hell: A Therapist’s Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds. (Greenleaf Book Group, 2024), 62.

[13] Brennan, Will. “Intensive Training on Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abuse | Part II.” PESI.

[14] Doctor Ramani. Why You Should STOP Saying the Narcissist TRIGGERED You.

[15] Bird, Brad, director. The Iron Giant. Warner Bros., 1999.

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

This article discusses trauma, including sexual references that may not be appropriate for all.

My name is Lizzy, and I am a survivor of unimaginable trauma. I have lived through a childhood of sexual torture and witnessed several murders. Yet here I am, willing to share experiences from my childhood.

I survived, and I got a second chance in life.

I feel that the world today is ignorant of true suffering. People turn a blind eye to trauma when they have the means to help. Most people have never experienced being profoundly hungry, neglected, and deeply hurt–physically and sexually. Most people do not have any idea of what it is like growing up in an abusive home.

How might others possibly know what it is like if the survivors don’t speak up?

People who don’t know simply haven’t had the experience. There is an expectation that a trauma survivor just needs time to “get over it” or “snap out of it,” and then, voila! You have been cured from a life of devastating trauma. How I wish I could do just that!

In this post, I aim to explore trauma triggers. Most trauma survivors will say they hate triggers because of how they make us feel when we flash back into a traumatic memory.

Triggers are everywhere

Survivors of abuse and trauma see the world in a more intense way, compared with those who had a good childhood. We have experienced so much hurt in our past, and because of this, we constantly feel like we are living on the edge of a knife. Others don’t understand that.

Even the most mundane tasks (like slicing bread), can be a trigger, and send the entire day into a completely different direction.

I know, because I’m living this kind of life.

For me, there are triggers everywhere, and they can happen at any time. Although I have come a long way in my healing process and am no longer living in constant fear, I still have to work at not being afraid.

I can brush off most triggers because I’ve had them before, and they don’t affect me as much. These types of triggers connect to the painful memories I have dealt with in therapy. They have not gone away completely, but they do not hurt me as deeply as they did before. I know to expect them, and I know how to deal with them now.

Our healing journeys are unique. My childhood was riddled with abuse and trauma, and when I finally admitted to myself that I needed professional help, I was a mess. I had lost all sense of reality and was in bad shape. For a while, I bounced from therapist to therapist.

My husband was suffering through my never-ending nightmares. Each of the therapists tried to help, but none of them really saw the larger picture. I wasn’t ready to let anyone in.

The memories were just too horrific, too terrifying, and too encompassing.

Have you ever felt this way about your past?

Some of the therapists wanted to focus on how to handle triggers with various techniques like grounding and breathing. They worked to some degree, but the deep hurt was still shielded by my own layers of protection. I was like an onion, shielding my most painful memories deep inside a series of layers. I was still not ready to go “there” yet.

Painful triggers are unprocessed trauma memories.

How do you feel when you are triggered? Or if you have a loved one who’s experienced trauma — how do they react?

Trauma doesn’t just affect the ones who have lived through it–our loved ones are affected, too. My long-suffering husband has seen me in my worst moments, and he’s still here with me. The man deserves a medal, I can tell you that.

There are times when I do feel absolutely terrified by a trigger. When I get to this kind of fear, I pay attention to my breathing and ground myself in the present moment until the shock and pain subside

This kind of trigger feels horrifying, like being set on fire or having an ice bucket thrown over you. The pain feels just as real as it was in that initial traumatic moment. These are unprocessed trauma memories that have not been put into the correct part of the brain yet. They are raw memories, floating around in the wrong places, and they need to be acknowledged and processed.

These memories will keep “bumping” us until we can deal with them and recognize them for what they are. The brain can then process them into their rightful place. This is certainly not an easy thing to go through. It can take years of working through memories with professional help, but it can be done. I am living proof.

Have you ever been in a situation where you get so triggered that you cannot escape it–no matter what you do?

I remember once when I had the mother-of-all triggers. It was all-powerful and consumed me. I couldn’t escape, no matter what I tried to do–the memory was right there glaring at me to go back “there.”  I was still stuck in a past trauma memory, and I couldn’t move forward.

Getting professional help is a necessity.

I searched for a new therapist, and I happened to mention it to a friend. She knew another friend who had worked with a good therapist, helping her process a traumatic divorce.

I was skeptical at first because I had seen many professionals, and none of them had helped me much. I thought my childhood trauma memories were beyond help, and I was left to suffer.

I decided to give it a fair shake and made contact with the new therapist. This time, I hit the therapist jackpot. We instantly clicked; I laid out my history and stated what I was looking for. From there, we agreed on a plan to move forward in my healing journey.

If you haven’t met the right therapist yet, keep searching. The right help is out there.

Do not be afraid to seek help with your triggers. Doing so changed my life forever. Remember, you matter. Be kind to yourself and follow your heart.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by Cullan Smith on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Did you hear about the war?

Isn’t it shocking that he murdered his wife?

You hear people talk about horrific events in the line at the grocery store, on the beach, at the park, in restaurants, and bars. People are enjoying a good gossip, but they have no idea how their words can hurt or trigger someone. Words and other people’s reactions to events can be just as triggering as your nightmare, because it is daytime and you are in public. Your reaction can be catastrophic and impossible to explain.

How do you handle triggers from people and situations in public?

This is a very personal question, and of course, it depends on where you are, who you are with, and how easy it is to escape. By the word escape, I mean to go somewhere in private and have that release of emotions, whether it’s anger, fear, crying, or freezing.

Showing deep emotions is not easy to do when you have just been triggered by something, and you cannot leave.

I get triggered all the time, and it hurts really badly every time. I choose not to talk about them, but maybe I should? If I talk about them, more people would understand what it feels like to live with Complex PTSD. Life goes on, but for a trauma survivor, those memories follow like a shadow that will not go away. For a veteran, a car backfiring in the street can trigger a gunshot memory from a war zone. Computer and console games that have guns in them can trigger trauma memories from the war zone. An airplane flying over the city can spark a memory. A news broadcast from a traumatic event can cause triggers. People or animals being hurt can cause a severe reaction in trauma survivors because we know the pain.

Triggers are everywhere. It is how we deal with them that matters.

My most recent trigger was today. I was in the mall with my kids buying school supplies. My youngest needed a new backpack, and he couldn’t decide while my other son was making fun of him.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash just outside the store.

I panicked, grabbed my kids, and hunched down on the floor.

It was just a deliveryman who dropped a couple of big metal sheets on the floor. They made a big noise, and I wasn’t the only one reacting.

“Mommy, are you okay?” My youngest piped up, which pulled me out of my reverie. I had been somewhere else entirely. A memory from decades ago, but my son’s voice brought me back.

I took them for a cookie & smoothie treat after the backpack purchase. I couldn’t face driving home straight away. My hands were shaking, and I needed a moment.

Self-care after a traumatic memory is vital for our well-being. If you have one in public, make sure you are completely back in the present moment before you carry on with your day. My kids are used to me reacting to things, and although I cannot explain why I do it. They sense my distress. Kids know when something is not right. I will tell my kids about my past one day, but not yet. They deserve to have a great childhood first.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee.

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by José Martín Ramírez Carrasco on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Hey there. How are you doing today? Are you enjoying the weekend?

In this article, I’m going to share with you how getting the right therapist was the best thing I did for myself.

I am not ashamed to admit that I needed therapy to help me process and deal with my childhood trauma. I spent years searching for the right therapist.

In today’s world, many people hold the title of therapist, but their skill sets can differ like night and day. Don’t be ashamed to ask for credentials and experience before you sign up with a professional therapist.

Trust me, I’ve been through many so-called professionals and discovered that not everyone deserves the title they have on paper. In my opinion, these are the qualities I look for in a therapist:

• A good trauma therapist should be able to guide and support you.
• Be able to listen without interrupting.
• Hear what you have to say and act on it.
• They should understand when you have reached your limits and not press on.
• Your health and well-being should be their concern.
• They should have the vision to stop if they feel overwhelmed.
• Have empathy and see how hard it is for you to share deeply emotional memories.
• Confidentiality — what you say stays in the room.
• Good communication skills.
• Give you something back in your sessions to work on until the next one.

My new therapist opened my eyes to my reality as a trauma survivor. She made me recognize the hurt and pain I was living with every day. She also saw how much I had tried to cope with my past on my own.

Through therapy, I began to see myself in a different light than I used to. I was made aware of how much I suffered during my childhood, and that the abuse was not my fault.

Most important of all, my therapist made me see that I had to start to take care of myself. This was not easy because I had to make conscious decisions to put myself first. I was given “homework” like a school kid, and then every step forward was celebrated, no matter how small.

It took me years, but our healing journeys are not a race to the finish line. They’re more of a hike with mountains and valleys in your way.

The healing journey will take as long as it needs to, but believe me, you will get there eventually.

Why hire a therapist at all?

Taking stock and recognizing the trauma that you have endured is a huge milestone for survivors. It is also painful to do. A good therapist can help you through this process.

My trauma was dealt with in such a way that my brain could process it, for what it was. With my therapist’s help, I made sense of what had happened in my triggers and why I was reacting the way I did.

My therapist guided me through the trauma slowly at my own pace, and I realized that this was my body telling me that it was time. It was time I put the demons at rest, and move away from the past.

A good therapist will be able to guide and support you through this process. It is worth the time and effort to do it with a professional because they will know when to stop and when it is time to push on.

Learning to recognize and process a traumatic memory always feels out of reach at first. It’s way too much to handle on your own. It’s a bit like the childhood riddle: How does a mouse eat an elephant? The answer is: in small bites. If you think of it this way, suddenly the situation is a lot more positive. Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t do this,” tell yourself, “Yes, I can do this,” and “I’ve got it.”

From Darkness to Light: My Experience

My most painful trigger came out of the blue after watching the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie a few years back. I was with my friends, and we were curious about the movie everyone was talking about at the time. I felt odd after seeing the movie when a flash of darkness hit me, like a developing migraine. For days after, I had the same vision of darkness, where I saw more and more flashes of things I had buried deep within. They were so terrifying that I wanted to run away from my own head. I didn’t know what they meant, and I was in denial that I could have witnessed such things as a child. I couldn’t understand the visual of “The Red Room” from “Fifty Shades” in my own life. I saw it through the eyes of my four-year-old self, a different red room with people in it who were familiar. It was a sex warehouse full of items, the same as those in the movie: whips, handcuffs, rope, and different types of sex toys. The people in the room were using them on each other and on me. Those “tools” have haunted my unconscious mind for decades, deeply embedded in my brain.

My therapist was brilliant at guiding me through the horrific trauma memories that were raw and childlike. I was guided to expose those memories and go back to the child I was, turning everything I knew and narrating the triggers into a comprehensible trauma memory.

I was able to understand what had happened to me from an adult point of view. I replaced the childhood trauma memory with a mature understanding of what had happened to me.

Rewriting my horrific trauma memories in this way was life-changing for me. As traumatizing as my memories were, I could now move on. I accepted that it was my own past, and that it was not my fault. There was nothing I could have done at the time to get away from my abusers. I couldn’t stop the murders that I witnessed because I was a child. I was able to think about my past without falling apart. My memories are still painful, but they do not hurt me as much anymore. I have moved on because I understand them.

By looking back and rewriting the most horrific trauma memories with new narratives, I exposed the pain and hurt. The triggers were hurting me deeply, but after therapy, those same traumatic triggers are simply my past.

Even though the triggers were from the most terrifying time of my life, those same triggers were processed into a narrative that I could comprehend. By understanding what had happened to me through therapy, at my own pace, I turned this huge negative piece of me into something real.

I was no longer scared. The nightmares subsided, and the flashbacks slowed down. I could talk about it, and it was a huge relief to do just that. I was devouring my “trauma elephant” piece by piece.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they

have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee.

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Subtle Behavioral Patterns Rooted in Trauma

Studies indicate that unresolved trauma can alter a person’s behavioral responses without them being consciously aware. Several common habits may, in some cases, be linked to past experiences:

• Over-explaining or over-apologizing – Research suggests that individuals who grew up in environments where mistakes led to punishment or emotional withdrawal may develop a heightened sense of needing to justify their actions or preemptively apologize. This can be an adaptive response rooted in early-life experiences rather than a personality quirk.
• Perfectionism and Hyper-Productivity – Some trauma survivors exhibit heightened perfectionism, a trait that studies have associated with childhood environments where self-worth was linked to achievement or performance. The brain may interpret errors as potential threats, reinforcing a need for control over outcomes.
• Chronic procrastination and difficulty making decisions – Psychological findings suggest that trauma can interfere with executive functioning, leading to avoidance behaviors that are sometimes misinterpreted as laziness or a lack of motivation. Some individuals experience decision paralysis, fearing that making the wrong choice could lead to negative consequences similar to past experiences.
• Hyper-awareness of others’ moods – Experts in trauma psychology note that heightened sensitivity to tone, body language, or non-verbal cues, such as certain scents and sounds, can be an adaptive trait developed in unpredictable or emotionally volatile environments. This heightened vigilance may persist even in safe relationships.

Trauma’s Influence on Physical Health

The connection between trauma and physical health is well-documented in medical literature. Studies published in the field of psychoneuroimmunology have found links between unresolved trauma and various chronic health conditions, including:

• Chronic pain and autoimmune disorders – Some research suggests that trauma-related stress can contribute to inflammation and dysregulation of the immune system, leading to persistent physical symptoms.
• Tension-related headaches and muscle pain – A study in neurobiology highlights that prolonged stress responses can lead to hyperactivation of the nervous system, contributing to chronic tension.
• Digestive issues – The gut-brain axis is a well-studied area in medical science, and findings suggest that trauma can impact gut health, leading to irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or other digestive disturbances.

Decision-Making and Relationship Dynamics

Behavioral psychologists have observed patterns in how unresolved trauma may shape relationships and life choices:

• Attraction to familiar patterns – Studies on attachment and trauma suggest that individuals may unconsciously seek relationships that mimic past dynamics, even if those relationships are unhealthy.
• Fear of abandonment vs. hyper-independence – Research indicates that trauma survivors may react to relational stress in different ways—some may become overly dependent on others for validation, while others may push people away to maintain control over emotional safety.
• Difficulty setting boundaries – Psychological studies highlight that individuals with unresolved trauma may struggle to enforce boundaries, often prioritizing others’ needs over their own due to past conditioning.

Unresolved Trauma in Professional and Social Environments

The workplace and social interactions can also reveal hidden trauma responses:

• Workaholism and burnout – Some trauma survivors develop a strong identity tied to professional success as a means of maintaining stability and self-worth.
• Avoidance of conflict – Psychological literature has examined how past trauma can lead to discomfort with confrontation, causing individuals to avoid advocating for themselves.
• Overcommitting or people-pleasing – Some trauma survivors exhibit an ingrained pattern of overextending themselves to gain approval or avoid rejection.

Closing Thoughts

Unresolved trauma can manifest in ways that are often misinterpreted as simple personality traits or lifestyle choices. While not all individuals who exhibit these behaviors have experienced trauma, research continues to explore the subtle ways in which past experiences shape daily life. By recognizing these signs, individuals may gain a better understanding of their behavioral patterns and seek appropriate support. Understanding the complexities of trauma remains a growing area of research in psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral science. Further studies continue to uncover new insights into how trauma silently influences both mental and physical health, decision-making, and interpersonal relationships.

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Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

This is mainly due to the chaos I have experienced in times of abuse. My mind becomes triggered, and the fight or flight response envelops me in its staticky energy. I feel my stomach at the level of my throat and the anxiety I feel sends shivers up my spine. In times like these, it is easy for me to go back to an early time. A time when I was less resilient than I am today, a time when gaslighting was commonplace and common sense was nowhere to be found. The scariest part of this feeling is the sense of aloneness.

I ask myself the same questions that everyone else does: “Do other people see what is happening?” “Is this moment real?” “What can I do next?” My mind races, my thoughts collide, and my energy fades.

Perhaps you know this feeling? Perhaps you are with me, and I am not as alone as I thought?

When triggered, it is a time to ask better questions. “How can I nurture myself so that my body can rest?”, “How can I relax my mind, so that it can think clearly?”, “What resources do I have to support myself?”

Disconnecting does not mean giving up. It means tuning in. Inside each of us exists a source of awareness. Yes, what you are seeing is real. But it is also real that right now, in this moment, you are safe.

This moment is all we have, and the only thing that is certain is right here inside of you.

What occurs inside you is as real as what occurs outside of you. You are the living experience of this moment. Protect your perception by seeing it all. See your fear, your anger, your apprehensions, but also see your resilience, your growth, and your truth with loving awareness.

Yes. There are gaslighters. Trust yourself to spot them.

Connect with the fear and trust yourself to breathe through it.

Hold the sadness, and care for your sorrows as a mother cares for her child.

You can do hard things and be safe. You can feel difficult feelings and remain whole. You can experience fear and remind yourself of resilience.

Be in this moment, but not of this moment- for the moment will pass and all that remains is what you taught yourself you can endure.

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Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Grandma Clare, my stepmother, is a narcissist. Over the past decade, I have set boundaries and distanced my family from her emotionally abusive behavior.

“It would be weird for the average person to invite their twenty-two-year-old granddaughter, who still lives at home with her father, mother, and younger sister, over for a birthday celebration while not inviting the rest of the family,” I acknowledged. “But unfortunately, it’s classic Grandma Clare behavior. She doesn’t typically consider other peoples’ feelings.”

“So, should I go,” Harper asked. “I’d like to see Grandma and Grandpa; it just feels strange going by myself.”

I encouraged my daughter to go to dinner and spend time with her Grandparents since she wanted to see them. Even though my stepmother was self-centered and manipulative, Harper’s had a decent relationship with them over the years, and I always fostered that for her sake. Harper was the first-born grandchild, so Clare was fond of her. Sadly, the novelty wore off when my second daughter, Abby, was born, and Clare has mostly ignored her.

When Harper came home from dinner, she had half a birthday cake.

“Grandma insisted I take the rest of the cake home,” Harper told us. “I told her no thank you a few times, but she pretty much forced me to take it.”

Harper filled me in on some updates about her cousins and said it was mostly an enjoyable time, with a handful of awkward silences. I smiled and told her that I was glad she enjoyed the dinner.

After Harper left the kitchen I looked at the half-cake sitting on the counter with a lump in my throat. Clare makes that cake for everyone, for every birthday. It was the cake I had for each of my birthdays throughout middle school and high school. And even though I am the one who opted to go low contact with that side of my family, looking at that cake brought me to tears.

It triggered a mix of emotions in me. I felt hurt and anger from being reminded of my tumultuous teenage years growing up without my own mother, who had passed away, and being raised by a stepmother who didn’t care much for me, to put it mildly. I also experienced resentment because I’d done a lot of work to heal and grow, putting boundaries in place to protect myself and my family, and it could all be shaken by something as absurd as a cake. I was surprised by grief, a sense of mourning the loss of my relationship with the family I grew up in.

My husband walked into the kitchen as I was about to leave, “Are you okay?”

I told him what was going on and said, “I don’t want Harper to see me upset, I’m glad she has a relationship with them. It just hurts to see that cake, the cake that was a part of the family that I used to be a part of, but I’m not anymore.”

Harper was coming back towards the kitchen and overheard us talking, and a few days later, she approached me. We talked about the cake and Grandma Clare.

“At first, I thought Grandma was just trying to be nice by having me take the cake home,” Harper said. “But after hearing you and Dad talk, I had a conversation with my friend Emma about it. You know Emma’s a psych major, right? She said it sounded like triangulation.” Harper went on to tell me she looked it up and read about how triangulation is used to play favorites and pit one person against another so that the manipulator feels a sense of control and supremacy.

“I think Grandma may have had me take the cake home on purpose to get to you,” she disclosed. “I know that sounds like a bit much, but I tried to tell her I didn’t want the cake, and she literally made me take it home.” Harper continued, “And then hearing how it did upset you made me think that may have been her intention. I know you don’t really talk to her anymore, so the only way she can bother you now is through other people. I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Harper, you have nothing to apologize for,” I reassured. “Her psychologically abusive behavior is the reason I opted for low contact all of those years ago. She tends to pull in her favored kids and grandkids close while snubbing the ones she doesn’t like as much. Sending you home with cake certainly could have been her way of showing me what I’m missing. Her using you to bring something home that would get a reaction out of me does sound like a triangulation tactic,” I admitted. “But it’s also a good reminder that we can engage with her if and when we want to, yet we do not have to succumb to her ploys of manipulation. Doing what we’re doing right now, communicating openly with each other, will hopefully shut down future attempts to influence us. Instead, we can dismiss them as her pitiful attempts to feel superior to others.”

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Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Research has shown that excessive exposure to social media can contribute to mental health issues and dissatisfaction with body image, which each fuel one another. 

With billions of social media users worldwide, the effects of these platforms and technology on our mental health can be felt on a global scale. 

The positives we can take from social media

First, the positives—social media can positively impact our body image, with millions of fitness, food, and wellness accounts providing inspiration and aspirational content. Through these lenses, users can maintain their healthy lifestyles and take a positive view of their bodies. 

With an increasing number of body-positive accounts to follow who will advocate for a healthier perspective on how we look, social media users can benefit from a different perspective on their body image. 

Platforms such as Instagram and TikTok have the potential to empower people to stay healthy. Since most platforms have made eating-disorder-specific keywords such as “anorexia”, “bulimia”, and “thinspiration” unsearchable, helping to provide a healthier representation. 

By their very design, social channels are online communities where people can engage with other like-minded people and share ideas or opinions, fostering a diverse conversation on topics such as mental health and body image. 

How social media can influence poor mental health

Unfortunately, excessive consumption of seemingly perfect bodies and unfaltering diets can take its toll on our mental health and even lead to disordered eating. 

Social media can impact our emotions in various ways, making us feel anxious or depressed, angry or frustrated at the lives of people we see on social media channels. 

Over time, this can lead to unrealistic expectations of how our bodies should look and this can cause unhealthy eating habits. “You might have obsessive thoughts about food or reach for a certain type of meal when you’re feeling sad or unsure of something. For some, unhealthy eating behaviors are focused more on weight and body image than the feelings associated with eating”, says Olivia Marcellino, VP of Research at Recovery.com. 

It’s important to remember that social media is filled with people presenting a highlight reel of their lives, and this includes the way they present images of themselves. 

Photoshop, filters, and editing tools make it possible to completely reinvent ourselves into perfect images, which can make for impossible standards to reach and feel as though we’re in a constant state of comparison. 

Social media can make us feel as though we have a personal connection to the people we follow, and it can make it much easier to be influenced by the content we view every day.

This continual state of dissatisfaction can impact our mental health in other ways, too, lowering our self-esteem and increasing the likelihood of depression. 

Studies have even shown that increased use of social media can influence poor sleep quality and higher levels of anxiety and depression in young adults, as well as feelings of loneliness and isolation. The price paid for access to social media, in many cases, is our mental health and an unhealthy view of our own body image. 

Combatting the effects of social media on mental health

By taking a proactive approach to how we use social media, it is possible to counteract the negative effects it can have on our body image and mental health. As with anything in life, balance is key. 

Take a break from social media for a while so you can refocus and rid your mind of the negative feelings scrolling through accounts can have. This might be for a few hours when you notice your emotions are dipping, or it might be stepping back for a few weeks to gain perspective and regroup. 

It’s also important to regularly assess who you’re following and why. Do you notice that after viewing content from a certain account, you feel angry, upset, or envious? It could be that these types of accounts aren’t having a positive effect, and it’s time to unfollow them. 

Social media should be fun and uplifting, so make a habit of going through your accounts every so often to ensure that the people you’re following are producing content that’s inspiring you and putting you in a better mood, not bringing you down. 

We’re social beings and we want to forge connections with others, so use social media for the purpose it was intended and find a community that supports you. 

Follow body-positive accounts, get involved with conversations online that promote positive mental health and join groups that support one another and lift people up. It can help to shift your mindset of what an ‘ideal’ body type can look like and do wonders for making you feel good about yourself and those around you.

Sometimes, it’s not possible to alleviate the impact social media can have without professional help, particularly if the outcome of negative social media usage has resulted in disordered eating. When our mental health has been poor for some time, getting out of that mindset can be tough. But there are options, from counselling and therapy sessions to prescription medication and more, which can help us get back to a healthier perspective. 

Final thoughts

Social media certainly has its plus points – it can help us foster connections with people from all over the world and view issues and topics from different perspectives. But it has a dark side, and we need to be cautious of how we use social media channels and how often in order to protect our mental health and stave off issues. 

Whether it’s being careful who we follow, paying attention to how long we’re scrolling every day, or seeking help and support when we can feel our mental health slipping, there are ways to combat the negative impact that social media can have and focus on the positives instead.

Photo via Unsplash: Becca Tapert

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

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Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.