Life Management Skills | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org The Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research Mon, 16 Feb 2026 14:05:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://cptsdfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cropped-Daily-Recovery-Support-Globe-iPad-Fav-32x32.png Life Management Skills | CPTSDfoundation.org https://cptsdfoundation.org 32 32 How To Challenge Negative Thoughts: 5 Simple Ways to a more Positive Way of Thinking https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/03/03/how-to-challenge-negative-thoughts-5-simple-ways-to-a-more-positive-way-of-thinking/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/03/03/how-to-challenge-negative-thoughts-5-simple-ways-to-a-more-positive-way-of-thinking/#respond Tue, 03 Mar 2026 11:00:00 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987501561 Humans are busy, and our minds are constantly playing tag with knowledge and new inputs. We are bombarded with information overload every day, but sometimes we tune out the noise, and our minds go for a wander elsewhere. Those niggling negative thoughts can worm themselves into your day when you least expect it.

You can have an awesome day, and suddenly your brain goes into negative self-talk:

“You’re not good enough.”

“Everyone’s better than you.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

These kinds of thoughts happen to us all the time, and they can shatter our self-esteem and confidence.

In this article, I’m going to take you through some actions to challenge the negative thoughts that will have you back to confidence and self-belief in no time.

  1. Reality check. Literally. I want you to challenge yourself. Those words that you heard in your head are only in your head. Not everyone else’s heads. Look around you and listen to what people are saying to you. What is the evidence of your negative thoughts? Is this fact or fiction?
  2. Point of view. Think about your own perspective, your outlook on life. As humans, we have a tendency to elaborate on situations and make them bigger than they are. Think about your point of view: How will this negative thought affect you tomorrow? Next week? Next month? In a year from now? Is it really that bad? Is it likely to actually come true?
  3. Support network. We are social creatures, and we need people in our lives. Sometimes when we have a problem, it can be helpful to get a second opinion from a trusted friend. “A problem shared is halved,” isn’t that how the saying goes?
  4. Language. Think about how you are talking to yourself. Instead of putting yourself down by saying “I suck at algebra,” try telling yourself, “I’ve not mastered algebra yet, but I’m going to keep trying.”
  5. Your happy place. Think about your strengths and hobbies. The things that make you happy. When you are feeling down, use those activities to build yourself up again. Listen to your favorite music. Go for a forest trail run, or a swim in the ocean. Your energy and smile will soon be playing on your lips again.

As a trauma survivor, negative thoughts are constantly with me. What I’ve learned is that I don’t have to listen to them. They are the product of the voices from my past, and when they threaten my reality, I fight tooth and nail to claim back my self-esteem.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Featured Image: Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: This guest post is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here, across CPTSDfoundation.org, any CPTSD Foundation website, our associated communities, or our Social Media accounts, is intended to substitute for or supersede the professional advice and direction of your medical or mental health providers. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the guest author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CPTSD Foundation. For further details, please review the following: Terms of Service, Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/03/03/how-to-challenge-negative-thoughts-5-simple-ways-to-a-more-positive-way-of-thinking/feed/ 0 The Power of Positive Thinking: If You Believe it - You Can Achieve it https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/04/the-power-of-positive-thinking-if-you-believe-it-you-can-achieve-it/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/04/the-power-of-positive-thinking-if-you-believe-it-you-can-achieve-it/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2026 12:28:17 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987502645 How are you doing? How is life treating you at the moment?

Life doesn’t need to crash completely for you to feel “down on your luck.” A failed promotion, a work project that didn’t go as planned, or a missed opportunity can set you back months.

Maybe the boss is riding you each day for quicker results? Sometimes you just feel undervalued, and you want to throw in the towel.

When things at work feel tense, it’s hard to keep going, and you feel stuck. Sometimes your personal life blows up at the same time. Your husband might have a fall at work and earn himself an expensive trip to the ER.

Your kid breaks an arm at the wrong time of the month, and the insurance deductibles ramp up your spending. Anything can happen to turn a rainy day into a tropical storm.

The saying, “When life gives you lemons — make lemonade,” can leave a nasty aftertaste in your mouth. It’s easier said than done.

Many people live paycheck to paycheck, and it’s not easy to change jobs or routines when money is the driver behind our actions. There is no financial flexibility.

If something doesn’t feel right–then it probably isn’t. That nagging feeling inside tells us we need a change.

Are you paying attention to what your mind is telling you?

Think about your life, and what’s going on.

Are you happy at work? If the answer is no, consider your skills.

What are your strengths? Are you good with numbers, computers, people, or animals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Think about your ideal job.

What would you like to do for a living?

If your mind is telling you something different from where you work, then maybe you need to start looking for new opportunities.

Pause–Take a mental health day and relax. Where does your mind go when you allow yourself to daydream?

Breathe — deep breathing and yoga are fantastic for regulating your nervous system and unwinding.

Ponder–Think about what you want from your career. Where is your mind taking you?

Choose–Look for job openings and new opportunities. Research a business loan if you are considering starting up your own company.

Do–If you believe it, then you will achieve it. Go for it.

I’m an MFA student, and I will graduate this spring. I should have graduated last summer, but I was forced to delay due to life/work commitments. It turns out that I’m not superwoman, and working full-time while supporting my family is not conducive to studying as much as I want. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day if I want to sleep at some point. Other people in my MFA program can devote more time to their thesis research because they don’t work as much as I do. Some weeks, I’ve struggled to read everything on the reading lists and turn in weekly assignments. I’ve gotten good grades, but I wanted to do more.

Do you ever feel like you want more?

The turning point for me came a few months ago when someone on the program realized that I was under pressure, and asked me the questions that I posed at the beginning of this article.

How are you doing? How is life treating you at the moment? Where do you see yourself in five years?

Imagining yourself in your dream job can do miracles for your mental health. If you can believe that you can achieve your dreams, then you are halfway there. The first step is to believe that you can.

Just one small step.

Once you see a clear step towards your goal, the day-to-day doesn’t seem as demanding.

You can handle everything better because you know that “right now” is not forever.

Your mind is your greatest friend when you think positively about your life. If you start thinking negatively, your mind turns against you, and everything starts to feel very hard and challenging.

Keep your chin up. and think of your goals and dreams.

Where do you want to be in five years? What’s holding you back?

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Here are a few links to my articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4

Photo credit: sydney-rae-geM5lzDj4Iw-unsplash.jpg

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/04/the-power-of-positive-thinking-if-you-believe-it-you-can-achieve-it/feed/ 2 Do I Tell Them? Sitting with the Weight of Sharing Your Story with Your Parents https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/06/30/do-i-tell-them-sitting-with-the-weight-of-sharing-your-story-with-your-parents/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/06/30/do-i-tell-them-sitting-with-the-weight-of-sharing-your-story-with-your-parents/#respond Mon, 30 Jun 2025 12:48:38 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987500491 There comes a point on the healing journey when the question doesn’t whisper. It roars.

Do I tell my parents?
Do they deserve to know what happened to me?
Would they believe me?
Would they hold it with care, or would it break me all over again?

If you’re here, standing in that in-between place, you’re not alone. This is one of the hardest crossroads survivors face. For some, the decision feels clear. For others, like me, it’s layered and ongoing.

Sometimes the abuse happened under your parents’ roof.
Sometimes it was hidden in plain sight.
And sometimes, you don’t even know if they know.

You might find yourself circling questions like:

  • Do I owe them this truth?
  • Will it bring healing or harm?
  • What if they can’t hold it? What if they say the wrong thing, or nothing at all?
  • What if I speak it and everything changes—or worse, nothing does?

The truth is, sharing your story with a parent is not required for healing. It is a choice. And like all sacred choices, it deserves time, care, and safety.

Ask Yourself These Questions First

Before deciding to disclose, here are a few grounding questions to sit with:

1. Why do I want to share this?
Is it for connection? Clarity? Validation? To reclaim power? To draw a boundary?
There is no wrong reason, but knowing your why can anchor you.

2. What do I hope will happen? What do I fear might happen?
Give yourself permission to answer both. Hope and fear can live side by side.

3. Have I processed this enough to hold steady if their response is hurtful, shocked, or dismissive?
If not, that’s okay. It may not be time yet.

4. Do I have support ready, a friend, therapist, or coach to debrief with afterward?
You are not meant to carry this alone, no matter how strong you are.

If You Do Choose to Share, Prepare Yourself First

Here are a few things that can help:

  • Write down what you want to say.
    It can be a letter, a few bullet points, or a full narrative. Organizing your thoughts helps you stay grounded.
  • Practice.
    Talk it through with someone you trust. Let your nervous system rehearse what it feels like to be witnessed.
  • Set boundaries before the conversation.
    Say things like, “I just need you to listen right now,” or “I’m not looking for advice or debate.”
  • Prepare for all outcomes.
    They may meet you with compassion, or they may not. Your truth is still valid.
  • Have a plan for how to step away if needed.
    If things get overwhelming, you get to pause, end, or redirect the conversation.

And If You Decide Not to Tell Them? That’s Valid Too.

You do not owe anyone your story. Not even your family.

You can be deeply healing and wildly brave without ever telling your parents what happened.

Not telling doesn’t mean you’re hiding. It means you are choosing what is safest, kindest, and most aligned for you right now.

And if your answer changes later? That’s okay. This journey is not linear.

Final Thoughts

This part of your story, the telling, the not telling, the wondering, still belongs to you.

You don’t have to rush. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You get to honor your truth in whatever way feels right. You are not broken. You are becoming. And that is powerful.

As for me, I still haven’t shared my story with my parents.
They can’t even hold my warm memories without minimizing them, so I’ve chosen not to interrupt my peace just to be met with silence or dismissal. I may never get the response I would hope for, and that’s a grief I’ve learned to hold gently. For now, protecting my healing matters more than being understood by people who never truly saw me.

And maybe that’s the bravest choice of all.

Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/06/30/do-i-tell-them-sitting-with-the-weight-of-sharing-your-story-with-your-parents/feed/ 0 Grounding Techniques That Helped Me Reconnect With My Body https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/#respond Mon, 14 Apr 2025 08:38:57 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987500119 My Struggle with Disconnection

In October 2023, I was diagnosed with severe borderline personality disorder (BPD), which can be linked to complex trauma (CPTSD). For most people, getting diagnosed with a mental health disorder can be scary. But it offered me a moment of clarity. It was as if everything I struggled with finally made sense.

I realized why I felt so disconnected from myself, the world, and others, especially in times of high stress. Borderline personality disorder is linked to emotional trauma, which left me feeling disconnected from my body. I struggled with dissociation, emptiness, and emotional dysregulation. There were times when I lacked empathy or passion. My feelings often felt like they were “stuck” in survival mode. Either I acted out impulsively, or I felt apathetic.

My diagnosis was a light bulb moment. Over the years, therapists and counselors misdiagnosed me with mild depression and generalized anxiety. When I got diagnosed with BPD and complex trauma, I realized that I needed to reconnect with my body. To feel whole, I needed to feel at home with myself again. I was desperate to find ways to heal emotionally. In my healing journey, I came across grounding techniques.

The Importance of Grounding for Trauma Survivors

It was through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that I learned about grounding. This practice can help you get out of your mind and back into your body. Through grounding, you’ll learn how to escape your unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions, or memories in a safe and healthy manner. From there, you’ll ground yourself in the present moment. These techniques can be helpful for individuals with BPD and CPTSD.

Grounding is beneficial for those who suffer from anxiety or panic attacks associated with traumatic episodes. These techniques regulate the nervous system and make you feel safe within your body. You can use grounding techniques to escape overwhelming and distressing feelings anytime. They can be beneficial for those who struggle with the following:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • dissociation
  • impulsive feelings
  • mood
  • stress

There are three types of grounding techniques for complex trauma:

  • Mental grounding: Mindfulness exercises like body scan, breath awareness, and nature grounding.
  • Physical grounding: Simply going for a walk or focusing on your five senses can help you become more aware of your surroundings.
  • Soothing grounding: Notice the feelings in your body; listen to your breath and the sounds around you.

Technique 1: Somatic Shaking

The first time I heard about somatic shaking was on an episode of the Back from the Borderline podcast. This grounding technique involves shaking certain body parts to release stored energy or tension. It can be powerful for relieving stress and trauma, which gets stored in the body.

You might have heard the saying, “The body keeps the score,” dubbed by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Some experts recommend somatic shaking for five to 10 minutes per time. But you can do it for two to five minutes if you prefer. There are many different types of somatic shaking techniques. But here’s one way to do it every morning after waking up:

  • Warm up or exercise beforehand.
  • Gently shake your wrists and hands.
  • Notice how your breath feels.
  • Continue shaking for two to five minutes.

At first, you might feel silly doing somatic shaking. But it’s not about how you look. It’s about how you feel afterward. I shake my entire body, which makes me look like Napoleon Dynamite trying to dance. But I feel much better. The built-up tension and energy leave my body. You can also do it as often as you want throughout the day.

Technique 2: Mindfulness for Embodiment

Mindfulness is a concept I learned years ago, long before I was diagnosed with BPD. At the time, I was learning concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), some of which still help me to this day. Of course, as with all therapies, you should take what works and leave the rest.

Mindfulness allowed me to become more aware of my body. I no longer had to live in fear or fight-or-flight mode. For most of my life, I’ve felt uncomfortable about being in my body. I got used to being disconnected. Thanks to mindfulness, I could live in the present moment without fear.

It involves embodiment practices that help cultivate self-awareness, connection, self-regulation, and balance. Mindfulness is not just a mental practice. It’s a way of life. Embodied mindfulness practices allow you to release negative emotions and heal from trauma or unresolved issues.

Common mindfulness exercises include body scanning, deep breathing, and thought clouds. With continued practice, you’ll clear your mind and become more centered. Here are some simple ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life:

  • Start by practicing with a guided meditation or breathing exercise.
  • Journal your gratitude list or your negative thoughts or feelings.
  • Incorporate meditation or yoga into your morning routine.
  • Practice one mind in daily practice.
  • Mindfully eat a meal or engage in a conversation.

Technique 3: The Five Deep Breaths Technique

Each morning, after I meditate, I practice the Five Deep Breaths Practice from the Whole Being Institute. This is a revolutionary take on the “Three Deep Breaths” technique by martial arts expert Thomas Crum. This practice was extended to five deep breaths. However, you’re free to make it all your own. Modify this practice to make it work for you.

Here are the guidelines for this practice:

  • Take your first deep breath and breathe out.
  • Take your second breath and express what you’re grateful for. (Example: “I’m grateful for the sunshine,” or “I’m grateful for my health.”)
  • Take a third deep breath and focus on how you want to show up today. (Example: “Today I will be mindful,” or “Today I will be peaceful.”)
  • Take a fourth deep breath and consider how you want to portray your ideal self. Who or what do you want to be? (Example: “I am a mindful individual who lives in the present moment.”
  • Take a fifth and final deep breath in and out to finish.

How do you feel? I love using this technique every morning. It makes me feel better than I do when I first wake up. Not only does it relieve anxiety, but it also heals trauma, depression, and emotional distress. It can also help you focus and maintain your moods. I would consider trying this technique once a day, at least in the mornings.

How These Techniques Changed My Healing Journey

Grounding transformed my relationship with my body. It allowed me to reconnect with myself and become whole again. But it’s only a part of the healing process. Healing itself is a journey. As always, start where you are. Only choose one or two practices to start with. Stick to what works and disregard the rest.

Conclusion

Remember, reconnecting with your body can take time. It’s okay if you need to go at your own pace. Healing is a race, not a sprint. There’s no need to cross the finish line. It’s a journey that you make all your own.

You’re not alone in your journey. I have struggled like you and found freedom through these practices. You can always come back home to yourself. Have you tried any of the techniques? Share your experience in the comment section below.

Photo by Clint McKoy on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

 

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/04/14/grounding-techniques-that-helped-me-reconnect-with-my-body/feed/ 0 How Does Therapy Work? Back to Basics https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/03/18/how-does-therapy-work-back-to-basics/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/03/18/how-does-therapy-work-back-to-basics/#respond Tue, 18 Mar 2025 13:09:07 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987499985 People tend to reach out for therapy when they are struggling – often after feeling like they have exhausted all other resources to feel better. The coping mechanisms that once ‘worked’ to manage life and make them feel better, or even just feel less bad, have stopped working. In these trying and scary times, more is needed – feeling like there is nowhere else to turn.  Therapy may feel like a last resort. 

While it may be hard to see beyond the pain when seeking help – this is exactly where the evolution toward healing begins. If you are a complex trauma survivor considering therapy, here’s what we’d like you to know about the healing process.

At Brickel & Associates, we embrace a trauma-informed, three-stage approach to care — although these stages (like people and relationships) are not entirely linear. Let’s explore what healing looks like in action.

Milestone 1: Asking for help is self-care.

Even before therapy begins, reaching out for support is taking the first step toward healing.  It is creating a safe space dedicated to your well-being – solely focused on your care, growth, and healing.

It is a powerful reminder that you matter. You deserve to have a safe space for yourself, a place where your needs are heard and respected.  Noticing you matter – deserving of self-care. That first step is a foundational part of the process.

Milestone 2: Building Safety Through the Therapeutic Relationship

For many survivors of complex trauma, a safe and stable relationship may never have been experienced before—especially one where someone shows up consistently with care and respect. Over time, the relationship between a trauma survivor and the therapist begins to serve as an example of what a safe and stable relationship can look like—safety in human connection.

This process takes time, as trust doesn’t come easily, particularly for those who have experienced abuse, betrayal or neglect in the past. As therapists demonstrate consistency, safety, and reliability, trust begins to form.  Gradually, trauma survivors begin to experience that people can be consistent. They can show up for you. They can genuinely care about your well-being. They can do what they say they will do.

While an individual may have grown up with disorganized attachment (and have resulting  Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), the therapeutic relationship can serve as a model for establishing healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and self-care.  Through this dynamic, a trauma survivor learns that relationships can foster growth rather than reinforce the belief that relationships are a source of pain.

The work toward safety and stability (stage one of trauma healing) includes reducing the use of harmful (maladaptive) coping skills – leading to choices for sobriety, healthy eating, emotional regulation, healthy movement, boundaries, self-care, and compassion in trauma-informed therapy.  The therapeutic relationship is built upon the foundation that all trauma survivors’ experiences and coping mechanisms make sense, given their history.  They are met with compassion and care.  The goal is not to judge or invalidate; it is to create space for healthier coping strategies to take root – strategies that will replace maladaptive patterns with ones that support the present-day reality. 

Milestone 3: Experiencing Safety in the Body.

As trust and safety deepen within the therapeutic relationship, the process of healing becomes more tangible.  The experience of building a safe relationship that supports healing is not easy. Some of the work together is hard! Exploring painful relationships, difficult past experiences, and coping mechanisms can be challenging. It is not uncommon for survivors to encounter discomfort as they expand their emotional capacity. 

Noticing this process fosters healing. A key part of trauma recovery is the widening of the window of tolerance – the ability to manage and remain grounded through emotional distress.  As this window grows, individuals begin to notice that they can handle what’s happening in the present moment – they can stay grounded and present and be ok – having support along the way. 

This expansive forward movement allows for a space that is further away from what was just F.I.N.E (an acronym from the recovery community and popularized by an Aerosmith song) or tolerated before, to a new understanding of what safety is. As growth and healing happen, and a person’s window of tolerance widens, trauma can be processed, and life can get better.

With increased emotional regulation, a trauma survivor can begin to experience safety in their own body. They learn that they alone own their body and control who has access to it. This newfound sense of autonomy marks a significant milestone in the healing process.  Along with this empowered sense of self comes the freedom to express one’s voice, make choices, and create healthy boundaries—tools essential for maintaining safety and well-being in the present.

The integration of safety, stability, and trust developed during therapy supports the survivor in seeing the depth of their own resilience and capacity for growth.

Milestone 4: The safety expands out of the therapy room — to other relationships.

When you start to feel safer and more stable in yourself, now you can take that safety outside the therapy room and further into the life you are building. Perhaps it starts small: Saying hello to a new neighbor or that person who works on your floor that you think is cute — or even going to a support group, where you might practice your skills with a few more people. Maybe you start reaching out a little more — letting people in a little more, as you’re noticing that not all people are hurtful. You start to recognize the helpers, see the healing power of healthy relationships, and grow more comfortable with being vulnerable.

As trauma survivors experience healing, they begin to form new, healthier relationships built on trust and mutual support.  These relationships not only contribute to their well-being, but they also create a network of support that is essential for continued healing.  As they open up to others, they grow more connected, less isolated, (because people struggle to heal when isolated), and more resilient.  Ultimately, they realize they are not alone. The support system built helps to ground and nourish.  There is a home base, and that home base becomes you!

Milestone 5: Ongoing Healing and Growth

The healing journey doesn’t stop once the initial milestones are reached.  The window of tolerance continues to expand, allowing survivors to access new resources and skills, including the ability to ask for help and even to allow that support to occur. The trauma endured continues to be processed, and survivors learn to integrate the past into a new, empowered narrative that starts to become their life today.  Healing is not a destination – it’s a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.  We are always healing!

If you’re ready to explore the healing potential of therapy, and you’re local to Alexandria, please reach out to our office.  We are here to support you toward the healing and peace you deserve.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/03/18/how-does-therapy-work-back-to-basics/feed/ 0 Poets Lie, Bodies Don’t: Movement Journaling with Mindy Levine https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/09/09/poets-lie-bodies-doesnt-movement-journaling-with-mindy-levine/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/09/09/poets-lie-bodies-doesnt-movement-journaling-with-mindy-levine/#comments Mon, 09 Sep 2024 09:29:23 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987498438 If “the moving finger writes, and having written, moves on,” as poet Omar Khayyam wrote, then I wonder if the moving body also writes in its own way. I think it must, for I see that trauma-informed yoga does exactly this. When we are not curious about the sensations in the body, we don’t know what we could know about the stories told there. Writing gives us what’s in our minds—very useful, but not everything. And sometimes a distraction, a refusal of part of our story.

Movement journalling is an experience of a relationship inside the body. I roll my shoulder and say, “This is my ‘Rice Krispies Pose’—Snap! Crackle! Pop!” I make light of this new language that I lack words for, although it has a name: interoception.

I consider Khayyam again. “Poets lie. This is important.” I feel something reliable in these words, but I don’t know what. Trauma-Informed Yoga (TIY) instructor Mindy Levine reacted.

“I wanted to stretch up, open arms, reading this,” she said.

Body-Brain Conversations: inside and outside your nervous system

“It sounds like your body’s response to my brain’s output,” I said.

“Yes…’Poets lie. This is important. I think when folks believe something as ‘truth,’ it’s without room to change perspective; it’s so limiting. I don’t think poetry or movement has a responsibility to truth. Neither reason nor logic are hinged on truth.”

This shocks me in several ways, and musical memory intercedes. “But what is truth? Is truth unchanging law? We both have truths—are mine the same as yours?” sang Pilate in Jesus Christ Superstar. Andrew Lloyd Weber’s lyrics challenge the notion of One Truth.

I don’t like the idea that truth isn’t absolute reality, and for the same reason, I don’t like the notion of “moral relativism.” It sounds like anything can be justified if it serves personal convenience. I long for a standard. Mindy’s next remark helps.

“Am I Doing This Right?”

“Often, ‘truth’ gets connected with, ‘am I doing this right,’” she said. “It’s so…limiting.”

Biomechanics, one of her interests, would appear to be limiting, too, I think.

“My practice with yoga evolved into a fascination with biomechanics.” I look puzzled. “It’s laying the groundwork for personalizing yoga to the person, not the pose.”

Oh.  Trauma-informed yoga rejects the perfect pose and, with it, the power to declare whether a given body is “wrong.”  That judgment is about someone else’s body, from a brain that doesn’t inhabit it…and from an entitlement that doesn’t exist unless we, the students, give it away. The movement is the perfect expression of truth for the person making it.

Trauma-informed yoga finds power in the body that moves, not in the mind that judges nor the critic that watches. Authority belongs to the body and the ongoing conversation it has with its own brain. In a typical Western yoga class, authority rests outside the body-brain system you have and awards it to the critic who can’t feel the difference between pain and growth in your body. And who will tell you that “pain is your friend”—as my Aikido instructor remarked—and that the perfect pose is The Truth? Being the author of a good throw changes a reality, but it’s not “true.” It changes what is true.

Maybe truth must be relevant if it is to matter. That’s subjective, but “relevance” describes when that particular truth matters. Something could be true but inapplicable to your body.

What Does Your Body Want Now?

“What does your body want now?” Mindy remarked. “Stillness? If stillness isn’t comfortable, then movement. Movement’s purpose is to open more possibilities for movement. But it isn’t a reason for movement. It just is.”

“A body in motion wants to stay in motion,” I said. “A body at rest wants to stay at rest.” I chuckle. “Unless it’s like yours. You like motion.”

Mindy laughs. “It’s conversational. If a situation has left me doubtful or unsure, I explore balancing. If a situation has left me panicky, I lift weights.” She pauses. “That’s not advice.”  Even in this conversation, the subject-matter expert declines the authority to declare what I should do. I appreciate this. The approach applies to much more than yoga—it attacks the whole idea of entitlement, of authority delegated to someone else, or taken by someone else, over me or you. The root of trauma. The thing that brings us here.

An Invitation to the Dance: Biles, Ballet, and Basketball

“Dancers may be more interoceptively aware.” Mindy looks up a study. “Dancers are often expected to work while injured. It’s an ideal and a culture.” I frown. Lipizzaner horses dance, but if anyone ever tried to force these Spanish School horses perform (Lipizzaner Stallions | Videos | Viking Cruises (vikingrivercruises.com) injured, the persons responsible would be shunned, shamed, and prosecuted for animal cruelty.

“Gymnastics, too.” I think of Simone Biles, of her experience of “the twisties.” A gymnast who doesn’t know where she is in space, moving at the speed of Olympians, could kill herself landing badly. And yet the rage directed at Biles for daring to self-care, to assert her own authority over her own body, was astonishing, infuriating. People who don’t get off the couch felt entitled to attack her for failing to entertain them. Football players get carried off the field and fallen basketball players get huddled even by members of the other team. Horses get cared for. But not gymnasts?

The gymnastics audience doesn’t own, train, or even know Simone Biles. And that yoga instructor tapping your elbow into “position” may have injured you to get a perfect pose that will get broken in a moment’s move, and pain you for days.

I wince. I want to get happier. “Did you see that Chicago news story about the black cat who fell five stories and was video-recorded landing on its feet and walking away?”

“That’s interoception.”

“And the feline spine’s extra vertebrae.”

What Yoga is for: Ethical Living

“Yoga is about you,” Mindy said. “Yoga is not ‘to feel better.’ It’s not outcome-based. It’s about being in your own life, it’s about being in charge of yourself, it’s about being autonomous. It doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen to you. It means they don’t have to define how you think about your choices in the Now.” I consider this. The event may have removed a choice for me, but I don’t have to think of myself exclusively in the context of that event. Now it is history, and while it may change my choices, it doesn’t take away my ability to make choices. It’s not as if I have died. It’s acknowledging that I have changed, and the change is reflected in my current choices. How I look at my history—my judgment—my interpretation—it can change how I choose to apply the events and what I learned from those events.

“Trauma is what happens when autonomy is taken away,” I say, slowly.

Mindy nods. “Yoga is ethical living: not investing authority outside of your body, over your body.” Despite what happens.

Related Reading

Yoga and journalling: Svādhyāya, or the “Study of the Self” talks about how writing and yoga can mutually reinforce body-brain conversation. Especially good for those who feel compelled to write about yoga while doing yoga. (Did I do this? Yes. Yes I did.)

Moving the body moves the mind: the movements you choose in yoga can tell you something about how you’re changing. Citta vritti, the thought-eddies of your head, can be monitored, showing you how you and your thoughts are separate.

Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/09/09/poets-lie-bodies-doesnt-movement-journaling-with-mindy-levine/feed/ 1 Top 3 Tools to Activate the Relaxation Response https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/28/top-3-tools-to-activate-the-relaxation-response/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/28/top-3-tools-to-activate-the-relaxation-response/#respond Tue, 28 May 2024 15:59:36 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987488465 Introduction

Trauma can cast a long shadow on our lives, affecting our emotional well-being and overall health. While it’s important to seek professional help for trauma recovery, there are also practical tools you can incorporate into your daily routine to manage trauma-related symptoms. The relaxation response was coined by Dr. Herbert Benson in the 1970s. Dr. Benson defined it as “a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional responses to stress and is opposite of the fight-or-flight response.”

In this blog, we’ll explore three powerful techniques for activating the relaxation response and aiding in your healing journey: cold exposure, controlled breathing, and bilateral movement.

Tool 1: Cold Exposure for Relaxation

Cold exposure might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of relaxation, but it can be surprisingly effective. Exposing your body to cold can reduce anxiety and promote calmness. A simple way to incorporate cold exposure into your daily routine is by splashing cold water on your face. This jolt of cold water activates your relaxation response, helping you to feel more grounded and less anxious.

You can also try placing an ice pack on the back of your neck for a few minutes, which can slow your heart rate and calm your mind. While it might sound uncomfortable, the results can be incredibly effective.

Tool 2: Controlled Breathing

Breathing is one of the most accessible and effective tools for managing stress and trauma symptoms. Controlled breathing can help regulate your nervous system and bring a sense of calm. It’s simple: take 1-3 controlled breaths. Breathe in deeply for a count of four and then exhale for a count of four or six. A longer exhale is effective for relaxation. This controlled breathing pattern can help you stay present and reduce feelings of panic or anxiety.

Studies have shown that controlled breathing can significantly lower stress levels, making it an invaluable tool in your trauma recovery journey. The best part is that you can practice it anywhere, anytime and it is free. I used to overcomlicate breathing, but now I recognize the importance of a basic inhale and exhale.

Tool 3: Bilateral Movement

Bilateral movement is another technique that can help regulate emotions and reduce stress. One simple exercise involves crisscrossing your arms and tapping your shoulders alternately (right hand tapping left shoulder and left hand tapping right shoulder). This bilateral movement can synchronize the two hemispheres of your brain, which can be especially helpful in trauma recovery. It can promote a sense of calm and balance, helping you to cope with emotional distress.

Many people have found success with bilateral movement and tapping, and some therapists use it in trauma-focused therapies. It’s a practice you can easily incorporate into your daily routine. This is my favorite tool when I am activated.

The Power of Daily Practice

While each of these tools on its own can be effective, the real power lies in making them a daily practice. Consistency is key when it comes to managing trauma-related stress. By incorporating these techniques into your daily routine, you can gradually build resilience and promote your healing process. The cumulative benefits of daily activation of the relaxation response are worth the effort. Over time, you’ll likely notice a reduction in anxiety, better emotional regulation, and an overall improved sense of well-being.

Conclusion

Trauma recovery is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. You can empower yourself with simple yet effective tools to manage stress and promote relaxation. Cold exposure, controlled breathing, and bilateral movement are just a few techniques that can make a difference in your life. By making them a daily practice, you’ll be taking a proactive step toward healing and well-being.

These tools are not only meant to complement professional guidance and support, but they can also be valuable additions to your self-care routine.

As you embark on your healing journey, consider giving these tools a try, and feel free to share your experiences with others. Your path to recovery can inspire and help others on their journey to healing as well.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Find me on LinkedIn and say hello:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/erenadigonislcsw-r/

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Stay connected with our community by subscribing to our newsletter for inspiring resources and updates:

Please check out my training courses to equip yourself with evidence-based interventions that are relevant and practical for the clients we serve. Discover more about the course and enroll today: https://app.ce-go.com/erenadigonis/courses.

Reference:

Benson, H., & Klipper, M. Z. (1975). The relaxation response. New York, Avon.

Photo by Bob Osias on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/28/top-3-tools-to-activate-the-relaxation-response/feed/ 0 Safe Place https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/27/safe-place/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/27/safe-place/#comments Mon, 27 May 2024 09:07:54 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=987489257 I have a wonderful therapist.  It’s not your usual “talk therapy,” though. We do talk, and I have come to trust him implicitly. He has helped me heal from PTSD and complex relational trauma, and the transformation since I began working with him far exceeds phenomenal. Dr. Gabe Roberts is known as The Subconscious Healer. We do something called Holographic Manipulation Therapy (HMT).

I had a weird tension in me about it

Like other techniques, we also employ the idea of a “safe place,” where he helps me anchor into safety before we do any deep work or regressions. I have always used the same safe place since I have been seeing Dr. Gabe: the beach in front of my grandma’s house, now our second home. As we began chatting at the beginning of the last session, I realized I was feeling a little hesitant about “going to my safe place” because, in reality, this was where I had broken my wrist a few weeks prior, and I had a weird tension in me about it.

So, all the things we normally do and go through to work through deep-seated trauma from the past, we went through the same process on the trauma of breaking my wrist. That was our starting point. First, I re-experienced the crack of my bone that I heard and the onset of the fear I experienced. I was scared and alone and had no way back up the small cliff I had descended to the rocky shore. (I am quite good in emergencies, and this was no exception. I simply trespassed onto a neighbor’s property, used their private staircase, and thanked them later for using it.  They have offered for me to use their stairs down any time I need to since I won’t be going down or up on the climbing rope for a while at least. It’s when the emergency subsides, and the adrenaline rush crashes that emotion tends to overwhelm me, and I cry and shake and get embarrassed at my reactions.)

As we followed my subconscious, it led me to the scene in my home when the ambulance arrived.  Fire truck, too. There must have been 15 people all congregating around me. People were sticking my veins for an IV and missing. Pandemonium. My parents happened to have just arrived at our home because we were all going out to dinner. When I called my husband, John, and told him I had broken my wrist and was coming up the neighbor’s stairs, my parents were already there. I was still somewhat in shock, and the pain was amplifying exponentially from moment to moment. I just needed a minute to process everything. I wanted to see my husband, hug him, and figure out the best thing to do. I was still evaluating how badly I had been hurt. My dad took over and called the ambulance without my knowledge or approval; he just did it. Ultimately, I am glad I went to the ER that night and that I did so in an ambulance, where they were able to administer pain medication during the hour-long drive to the hospital. But all of a sudden, I saw the pattern clearly of how my father always made “executive decisions,” as he sometimes called them, and put situations in front of me where he had already made a decision and effectively removed the element of my own choice from me. Over and over from a young age until it seemed normal.

But I have a voice today. Sometimes, I still have to speak up forcefully to get my dad back in check, and I do know he means well and cares – and I am truly grateful for that. But it was ultimately nice to recognize how pervasive that pattern had been in my life and how and why it has taken me a lifetime to speak up for myself and make my own best decisions. It still amazes me how we think that trauma is about one particular thing, and then we do the work and find all these other things mixed in and attached in ways we hadn’t ever even realized before.

And my safe place is safe again.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/05/27/safe-place/feed/ 1 C.G.S? Can’t Get Started? https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/01/25/c-g-s-cant-get-started/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/01/25/c-g-s-cant-get-started/#comments Thu, 25 Jan 2024 10:12:30 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=250178 Have you ever made the brave decision to change careers, become an entrepreneur, or maybe become a coach? You went to school, took the training, passed the exam, and received your diploma/certificate, but you still don’t feel ready to move forward. Are you the kind of person who feels like you need multiple certifications just to get started because THEN you’ll really know something and have something to offer?

I call this CGS…Can’t Get Started. If this is you, I want you to know you are not alone. Self-doubt, insecurity, and imposter syndrome are real things that hold many people back from doing amazing things. The good news is that these things and other mindset obstacles are things we will be working through in The Resilient Career Academy™ Group Coaching Membership program.

Contributing Factors

  • Fear. There are all kinds of fear that contribute to this equation. Fear of failure, fear of success (yes, you can be afraid of something being so successful that you can’t keep up with it), fear of showing up and being seen, fear of looking stupid, fear of rejection. I’m sure you can think of a couple more on your own.
  • Core Beliefs. As trauma survivors, this is one of the most challenging aspects of CPTSD. What you believe at your core influences everything you do. It influences how you view the world, yourself, and your capabilities. If you have a core belief that you are not enough or inadequate, the way you approach every task or opportunity is driven by that belief. You will either work extra hard to prove that core belief wrong (as in my fellow overachievers), or you will surrender to the belief by taking a posture of defeated powerlessness. I found processing traumatic memories to be child’s play compared to trying to change habitual core beliefs, but this is where the bang for the buck is.
  • Overwhelm. Overwhelm is your nervous system’s way of protecting you. When you are outside of your window of tolerance, it starts to “freeze” things and shut them down so you can’t take any more on. I’ve discussed this in a previous blog: CPTSD in the Workplace: Overwhelm. In this article, I talked about how trauma is a big rock that takes up space in our capacity. When we have trauma symptoms, triggers, and emotional dysregulation daily that we have to manage, it takes away our capacity to manage other things. Core beliefs can also contribute to overwhelm. For example, when I take on a new thing, like coaching, I already feel inadequate because that is one of my core beliefs (one that I am actively working to replace), so to fight against that feeling of inadequacy, I will often over-commit to doing too many things at one time, which leads to overwhelm. At this point, I am pretty skilled at working myself out of overwhelm, but it can be quite a challenge at first.
  • Focus. I will go on a limb by saying that most of us in a helping profession are pursuing this career to help people…I know it’s not for the money ;). That is not a big stretch. We have a mission…a calling…something driving us to help others. The challenge is that somewhere along the line, we have taken our eyes off the goal/mission/calling and started focusing on ourselves…our inexperience, shortcomings, lack of confidence, inadequacies, and how little we know. This might seem a little harsh, but the bottom line is…it’s not about us; it’s about them. Will we let those things stand in the way of giving people what they desperately need?

Well, that was uplifting, wasn’t it? [insert sarcasm here] That was the bad news, but the good news is that you can do something about it. There is hope.

“Action creates momentum, momentum creates confidence, and confidence welcomes more people into your world that you can serve.” — Stu McLaren

I love this quote by Stu McLaren, who is one of the most positive people you will ever hear. I highly recommend his Marketing Your Business podcast if you like to listen to podcasts. So, how can we create the action that brings momentum and creates confidence when the chains of trauma entangle us?

Action That Brings Momentum

  • Refocus. Create a laser focus on your mission and the people you want to serve. Remember your “why.” Let everything else become blurry in the background. Let this focus start to drive you forward. Focus on who your ideal client/customer is and what they need. Listen to what they are saying on social media.
  • Neutralize the Negativity. Our core beliefs drive our negative thoughts, which are habitual in nature. A two-pronged approach is needed to fully replace these negative core beliefs: 1) long-term: replace the core belief in therapy or coaching (takes some time to achieve), and 2) short-term: create a boundary on the habitual thought by putting it in a box whenever it comes up. This requires that you are aware of those habitually negative thoughts that always seem to trip you up.
  • Break it Down. To overcome the overwhelm that keeps us frozen, we need to break down the tasks to be completed to reach our goal. You can’t eat an elephant in one bite. To have a goal like, I want to launch my coaching business is too big to take action on. Start by defining what the big rocks are…i.e., I need to figure out a name for my business, register it with my state, get coaching insurance, etc. You get the idea. Those are the big rocks. Now, break down the big rocks into smaller tasks…what is the next right step? Perhaps you need to research how to do some of these things. Personally, I would rather talk to other people who are doing what I want to do to find out what they are doing because it saves on overwhelmed by the internet.
  • Manage Expectations. If you are doing something for the first time, everything will feel wonky. Wonky is a technical term for unsteady or shaky. This is NORMAL. It is OK to feel unsure of yourself on the first go. That’s not usually how it works. I do two things that help me: 1) I first remind myself that my initial try is a draft and everyone has to start somewhere, and 2) I remind myself that it is easier to edit (a draft) than to create (the draft). We cannot knock the ball out of the park on every swing we take, but getting a single doubles the value of a home run. This can be a difficult step for my perfectionist friends. Here is what I would challenge you with if you want to perfect something…perfect your ability to be OK with imperfection on the first draft.
  • Cease Comparisons. Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This is so true. I had to work through this several times in my coaching/membership journey when I realized I was comparing myself and my content to someone who had been in the business for 10–15 years. That is unrealistic because they have teams of people supporting them now, but when they first started, they were just as unsure as I am…and that is part of the learning process…and that is OK. This is the most important truth, and I want to make sure you get this if you get nothing else…YOU ARE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!! There is only one of you, and only you can bring to the world what you have to offer. The world needs what you have, so don’t be afraid to show up as you are (perfectly imperfect) and serve others.

OK, my friends, that should give you enough to think about for one day. I would love to hear from you. What are the things that trip you up and keep you from getting started? How have you solved them?

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

]]> https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/01/25/c-g-s-cant-get-started/feed/ 1 The Awkwardness of New Beginnings https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/12/14/the-awkwardness-of-new-beginnings/ https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/12/14/the-awkwardness-of-new-beginnings/#comments Thu, 14 Dec 2023 16:00:27 +0000 https://cptsdfoundation.org/?p=250181 During our lifetime, we experience many new beginnings. New beginnings can feel awkward and unsettling, whether it is a new school, job, program, team, or membership program. For the trauma survivor, however, new beginnings can trigger old messages of not being good enough, fear of rejection, and a knot in the pit of their stomach. While those are pretty normal reactions, even for those without trauma, the experience for the trauma survivor is amplified and intensified 100 times over.

In this article, I will address the contributing factors of the intensity and how to get through new beginnings.

Contributing Factors

Legacy rejection. Trauma survivors often have experienced multiple situations where they have been rejected by the ones closest to them, many at a very early age. When you experience this at a young age, you develop a sense that there is something inherently wrong with you and that no one will like/accept you. This “old recording” plays on a loop in the survivor’s mind and causes them to seek the safety of their armor.

Armor. I don’t know of any childhood trauma survivors who do not have a rather sophisticated set of armor that they’ve developed over the years to keep themselves safe. The armor creates a barrier between ourselves and other people so that we will be safe no matter what their responses are to us. The armor usually works great, but it also leaves us feeling really lonely because you can’t just filter the bad out and let the good in. When you wear armor, you keep everything out…even the good.

Core beliefs. Core beliefs are at the very heart of our identity. They are what we believe about ourselves. One theory of identity formation holds that our identity is developed as a child by how significant others reflect back to us who we are. If our caretakers told us we were worthless, unlovable, or not good enough, chances are we will take that in as truth and believe it. Those toxic beliefs are practiced repeatedly throughout our lifetime and become habitual or second nature for us. Changing core beliefs is the most challenging part (in my opinion) of the healing journey.

Helpful Tips to Get You Through the Awkwardness of New Beginnings

  • Stay present. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you will know this is where I always start. As trauma survivors, it’s normal for us to experience triggers back to the traumatic events of our childhood. When we are triggered into those younger parts of ourselves, we lose the adult coping strategies that we’ve developed. The challenge for us is to stay present. Try orienting yourself to the room you are in by looking around and focusing on the details of the room…or you can focus on the sensations of your butt in your chair or your feet on the floor. You can also suck on a peppermint or hard candy, chew gum, or even hold an ice cube. Those are the things that have helped me in the past.
  • Breathe. The nervousness we experience in our stomachs or the intense beating of our hearts can be really distracting and disturbing. Taking some deep breaths can help to bring those butterflies back under control.
  • Suspend negativity. The inner critic inside of us is there to keep us safe; however, you can give that critic a day off. I will literally talk to my inner critic and say, “I hear you, and I know you are just trying to keep me safe, but I’ve got this.”
  • Hold space for the discomfort. When we get comfortable with being uncomfortable and continue to remind ourselves that we are safe, we will be well on our way to managing our intense emotions. Kristin Neff talks about welcoming the discomfort and learning to sit with it. I sometimes find this step difficult because who wants to sit in discomfort? However, the more I practice doing it, the more I expand my window of tolerance, which is a good thing.
  • Tell yourself the truth. Reminding yourself that you are safe, that you belong, and that you will get through this can be extremely helpful. I told you earlier that I talk to myself (maybe not out loud), and the reason I do that is to introduce a new “talk track” to the old messaging that plays on a loop in my head. If I talk “loud” enough, I can drown out that toothless dog’s bark (that’s what it really is).
  • Be you. You are enough. People want to get to know a real person…warts and all. Authenticity or being yourself goes further in establishing healthy relationships than trying to show up perfectly and maintaining that false image for the long haul. We are ALL flawed and imperfect…and that’s OK.

I hope this has been helpful to you. I would love to hear about your new beginnings and how you handled the awkwardness of it.

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

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