Building Resilience in Healing | CPTSDfoundation.org

When “Calm Down” is Contempt

Dr. Mozelle Martin — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 10:00:00 +0000

In my first mental health job in the early 1990s, I learned a rule that still holds under pressure. Never tell an upset client to “calm down.” It backfires. The person does not feel heard, seen, or validated. They feel managed. The phrase sounds helpful to the one saying it, but lands like a warning to the upset individual. In trauma-affected bodies, a nervous system already scanning for control reads the words as a status move rather than care, so arousal rises and thinking narrows. You may get short-term quiet. You also buy long-term fallout. People comply in the moment, then avoid, shut down, or explode later.

De-escalation respects physiology before it attempts logic. Stress moves through a brief sequence: something triggers, the mind assigns meaning, the autonomic system shifts, and behavior follows. That appraisal window is the only real chance to change course.

If you offer a concrete option the person can use, arousal softens.
If you judge the emotion and demand composure, arousal climbs.

Kitchens, clinics, classrooms, and squad rooms follow the same pattern because biology does not bend to titles.

Tone policing is often sold as coaching. In practice, it rewards packaging over truth and asks the person with less power to present pain in a way that comforts the person with more power. That may calm a meeting for ten minutes and poison the relationship for ten months. Survivors learn to edit for safety. They stop reporting until the situation reaches a clinic, a courtroom, or a crisis team.

There is a clean difference between soothing and silencing. Soothing reduces demand on the nervous system by changing something real in the environment. Silencing insists on compliance while everything else stays the same.

Children feel the difference before they can explain it.
Adults who have lived through coercion feel it at the first word.
Employees hear it when performance talks are about tone more than work.

Language that works is short, specific, and time-bound. It pairs a behavior with an escape from the moment.

In homes where trauma sits in the air, “calm down” usually appears when fear spikes.

A parent wants quiet.
A partner wants the argument to end before someone leaves.

Softer words are not enough. Clean asks, are.

If you need quiet, say, “I need quiet for fifteen minutes.” If you need space, say, “I am stepping out and will return at 7:30.” If you need a boundary, state it once, repeat it once, then hold it. Direct requests reduce humiliation and stop the chain of second fights that ride behind the first.

Care practices should target the body as much as the story. A survivor will not settle because someone says “relax.” They settle when doors stay unlocked, plans are kept, and consequences match behavior. That rhythm lowers limbic alarm and shortens recovery time. Pair that with simple regulation skills: slow nasal breathing, brief movement, water, light, and a shift to a quieter space. Skills beat speeches.

Clinicians and peer supporters can improve outcomes with three habits.

Speak to function more than labels. “When meetings go past six, your body moves into defense, and you stop hearing offers.”
Give one action at a time and wait. Brains under stress need more time to process than any of us want to admit.
Protect dignity while you set limits. People can accept boundaries when they do not feel shamed in front of others.

For survivors, here is a field kit you can use without permission from anyone.

Decide on two sentences you will say when your own arousal spikes.
Write them down and practice them cold.
Schedule your hardest conversations earlier in the day, not after your energy drops.
Anchor every argument to one decision and one time box.
If you are facing someone who uses tone as a weapon, switch to written communication, where you can slow the cadence and keep a record.
Protect your body with routine sleep, food, movement, and light. Restoration is not a reward for good behavior. It is fuel for better judgment.

The line between safety and control runs through language and follow-through. “Calm down” tries to take control without adding safety. Replace it with behavior that actually lowers load and words that do not humiliate. Rooms get safer when people feel steady enough to think, and lives get more livable when promises are realistic enough to be kept.

References:
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Edmondson, A. C. (2019). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. John Wiley & Sons.
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror (Rev. ed.). Basic Books.
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health. (2002). The changing organization of work and the safety and health of working people (DHHS [NIOSH] Publication No. 2002-116). U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

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Dr. Mozelle Martin

Dr. Mozelle Martin is a retired trauma therapist and former Clinical Director of a trauma center, with extensive experience in forensic psychology, criminology, and applied ethics. A survivor of childhood and young adulthood trauma, Dr. Martin has dedicated decades to understanding the psychological and ethical complexities of trauma, crime, and accountability. Her career began as a volunteer in a women’s domestic violence shelter, then as a SA hospital advocate, later becoming a Crisis Therapist working alongside law enforcement on the streets of Phoenix. She went on to earn an AS in Psychology, a BS in Forensic Psychology, an MA in Criminology, and a PhD in Applied Ethics, ultimately working extensively in forensic mental health—providing psychological assessments, intervention, and rehabilitative support with inmates and in the community. A published author and lifelong student of life, she continues to explore the relationship and crossovers of forensic science, mental health, and ethical accountability in both historical and modern contexts.

www.InkProfiler.com

Are You a Positive Thinker? The Benefits of a Positive Mind

Elizabeth Woods — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Hey, how are you doing today? Can you remember your first thoughts this morning? Was it a positive thought about your day ahead?

Our world is full of negativity right now. It can be hard to tune everything out that’s going on in the news and in our cities.

Did you know how you think can affect your health and outlook in life? It sounds weird, and I was skeptical too before I thought about my own life.

Positive thinking breeds a positive outlook on life. Many of us naturally default to negative thoughts. We can spend days feeling down and moody about things. It’s not good for our health to be negative all the time.

What if I told you that it doesn’t have to be that way? That if you changed the way you think by only a little bit, you can feel better.

Positive thinking is not magic, but it works — and I’m living proof.

I spent years feeling invisible and hurt after living through trauma. Nobody appeared to see the true me. I fought to rewire my brain and ignore comments from people that wanted to put me down. Even though life was not going my way at the time, I forced myself to think positively instead of focusing on the negative situation I was in.

Little by little, I started clawing back my own sanity and myself.

Here are my proven ways to tackle negativity through positive thinking

Positive glimmers. No matter how small they might be, look for them, even in negative situations. If a friend cancels on you, think about the time you gain to focus on other things. Your friend will still be there for another day.
Gratitude. Focus on the good things that are happening in your life and be grateful for them — no matter how small. At one point in my life, I was feeling thankful for dry clothes because I had spent many days being soaking wet in the rain.
Choose who you spend your time with. Surround yourself with people who are happy and energize you. There is nothing wrong with spending time with friends who are down on their luck, but if they are the only people you see, then you will also be zapped of energy and gloom. Seek out those friends who nurture you and give you something in return. That’s where you will find positivity.
Humor. Allow yourself to laugh every now and then.
Positive self-talk. Did you know that how you talk to yourself can have a big impact on how you feel and act? It’s true that if you keep telling yourself that you are “worthless” and “stupid,” then you will start to feel that way. How about changing the narrative to “I’m not good at this yet,” or “I think I need more practice.” I use this self-talk often with my own kids and those who I teach when they tell me “They can’t do it.” I always challenge this by “How about you say, you can’t do it yet, but you will.”
Identify where you tend to think negative thoughts. If you can’t think of one, ask a friend or your partner. I’m sure they can help you with this. Once you know where you are negative about yourself, you can tackle it. Challenge why you feel that way. What is the proof?
Journaling. Write your thoughts down, especially those negative thoughts. If you have the same negative thoughts, you will soon notice a pattern, and you can do something about it. Positive thoughts are nice to note down and if you are feeling down, a nice read to take that “frown upside down.” (Can you tell I teach first graders?)
Wake up each morning with a positive thought or act. I do this often, and it can be as simple as telling yourself that, “your day will be great.” I usually take this a step further, and I compliment those around me. “I like your shirt,” or “what a nice color.” Giving somebody a compliment doesn’t just make other people feel good, but I enjoy it too.

When you start focusing on a more positive outlook in your life, you will start to notice subtle changes.

You will feel better within yourself and in how you act around other people.

You will notice that your energy levels are higher than before and you can focus better on things.

Your mental and physical well-being improve, and you have less sick days and headaches.

You recover quicker from colds and injuries.

You cope better in stressful situations.

You notice quicker when your body is acting up and you fix it before it turns into something worse like depression.

You live longer.

Positive thinking isn’t a magic cure for everything, but what it will do is help you to navigate problems with better control.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Here are a few links to my top articles:

Looking for a Change?
How To Explain Complex PTSD To Loved Ones
A Search for Identity
Dealing With Flashbacks
The Knock on the Door that Changed My World
The Goodbye I Never Said Out Loud

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

How Trauma Turns Us Into Controllers—and How We Finally Learn to Let Go

Dr. Mozelle Martin — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 10:00:00 +0000

People don’t become controlling because they enjoy it. They become controlling because trauma taught them that unpredictability is dangerous. When life blindsides you enough times, your nervous system starts operating like a private security detail—monitoring, predicting, assessing, and bracing for impact long before anything actually happens.

From the outside, it looks obsessive.
From the inside, it feels like the only way to survive.

Trauma-conditioned control isn’t about power–it’s about protection. It’s the instinct to hold everything in place so nothing can collapse again. And for a long time, that was my reflex, too. I micromanaged everything. I monitored every detail. I tried to outthink disaster. I believed if I could just control enough variables, nothing could hurt me.

I kept that mindset into my forties. Not because I was stubborn, but because I didn’t have any other operating system. The turning point wasn’t peaceful or pretty: it arrived as exhaustion. There eventually arrives a moment where we realize that trying to prevent every possible crisis is more draining than the crisis itself.

Letting go didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t a spiritual revelation. It was work—slow, uneven, gritty work. Today, twenty years later, I’m not “perfect.” I’m maybe ninety-five percent there, as far as not needing to control so fiercely. But the remaining five percent doesn’t frighten me. It reminds me that healing doesn’t require perfection; it requires awareness, consistency, and self-responsibility.

This is the first truth many trauma survivors never hear:
You do not have to be a flawless human being to reclaim your peace.
You only have to stop letting your reflexes run your life.

Long-term trauma alters the brain.

It wires it toward pessimism—quiet, habitual pessimism—not because we want drama, but because our bodies learned to prepare for the worst. So a late payment feels like financial collapse. A delayed text feels like rejection. A shift in plans feels like abandonment.

It isn’t truth.
It’s trauma.

The brain catastrophizes before it thinks.
It predicts disaster before it considers fact.
Left unchallenged, that pattern blinds us to anything steady, healthy, or good.

And the cost doesn’t stop with the individual. When every conversation becomes a breakdown, a spiral, or another “my life is falling apart” report, even the most loyal people eventually step back. Not out of irritation—but out of emotional fatigue. A support system can hold you, but it cannot carry the entire weight of your unregulated nervous system.

Here is the boundary trauma survivors must learn:
Support helps.
But support cannot do the work for you.

Your mindset is your responsibility. Your regulation is your responsibility. Your reframing is your responsibility.

Reframing gets a bad reputation because people mistake it for “positive thinking.” It’s not. Reframing is trauma rehabilitation. It’s the daily practice of teaching your body that not everything is danger. It’s reminding your brain that a setback is not a collapse. It’s choosing interruptive truth over catastrophic assumption.

When the “my day is ruined” script starts rolling, the goal isn’t to suppress it. The goal is to interrupt it long enough to stop the spiral.

One of the most powerful interrupters I ever used was a simple phrase:
“Well, isn’t this interesting.”

It shifts catastrophe into observation. It pulls the mind out of victimhood and moves it into curiosity. Sometimes this phrase gives me clarity to handle the next step. Sometimes it opens the door for tears because the emotion needed to move. Either way, it breaks the spell. And that second of interruption changes everything.

There are other ways to interrupt the trauma reflex.

Ask a neutral question:
What else might be true here?
Not what else is positive—what else is true.
Name one fact:
My body is reacting to a prediction, not a reality.
Call out the distortion:
This feels catastrophic, but it’s actually inconvenience.
Or simplify the moment into the most manageable task:
What is the next right step?
Just one step–not twenty.

These small shifts are the only size a traumatized nervous system can swallow.

Big strategies overwhelm. Small strategies interrupt.

And interruption is the beginning of regulation. That’s where peace begins—not when life becomes predictable, but when we stop gripping things we were never meant to control.

Control was a survival tool we developed when the world was unsafe. But peace is a skill we develop when the world is no longer dictates our internal state. We learn to respond without bracing, to adjust without spiraling, to shift without collapsing.

Healing isn’t the absence of difficulty.
Healing is knowing you can handle difficulty without losing yourself.

And the moment we stop gripping what was never ours to hold, something remarkable happens:
Our peace finally comes back.

Sources

The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk, MD (Viking Press)
Trauma and Recovery — Judith Herman, MD (Basic Books)
Principles of Trauma Therapy — John Briere & Catherine Scott (SAGE Publications)
The Polyvagal Theory — Stephen W. Porges (Norton)
Emotional Intelligence and the Brain — Daniel Goleman & Richard Davidson (Bloomsbury)
Cognitive Therapy of Anxiety Disorders — David A. Clark & Aaron T. Beck (Guilford Press)
In An Unspoken Voice — Peter A. Levine, PhD (North Atlantic Books)
The Upward Spiral — Alex Korb, PhD (New Harbinger Publications)
The Neuroscience of Emotion Regulation — James J. Gross (Cambridge University Press)
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving — Pete Walker, M.A. (Azure Coyote Books)
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook — McKay, Wood, & Brantley (New Harbinger Publications)
The Science of Positivity — Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD (Adams Media)
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond — Judith S. Beck, PhD (Guilford Press)
Managing Traumatic Stress — Edna Foa, Terence Keane, & Matthew Friedman (Guilford Press)
The Feeling Brain: The Biology and Psychology of Emotions — Elizabeth Johnston & Leah Olson (Norton)

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Dr. Mozelle Martin

www.InkProfiler.com

15 Things To Do When Facing Uncertainty

Elizabeth Woods — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Hey, how are you doing today? Are you having a good day or a “not so great day?”

Do you feel valued right now?

In a world where everything is falling apart around us, it’s hard to feel valued. There are too many layoffs and new staff being hired that need training.

You might have those dark thoughts that creep into your head on your commute to work when you are alone in the car. You might be queuing in the grocery store after work one day, and it’s taking longer than it should when those thoughts meander back into your consciousness.

Are you happy right now?

Are you good enough?

Are you wondering if you will be furloughed or laid off next?

When we face uncertainty in life, we naturally turn inwards. We turn to our friends and loved ones to regain our balance. It’s during these conversations and reflections that we start to see things in a different way.

We know there is no point in worrying about things that are out of our control, but if our jobs are on the line, we can’t help it. There’s too much at stake if we are in a position to lose a steady paycheck. It’s hard to see beyond that, and those self-defeating thoughts can worm into our lives. They usually eat away at our self-esteem and confidence.

There are many things you can do to feel better when faced with uncertainty. I’ve faced uncertainty and challenges many times as a trauma survivor and beyond. What I’ve learned is that no matter what, you must keep on living. You’ve come so far to get to this point, and no matter what happens in life , you are in charge of it.

I believe my experience can help you, my readers, to find solace and feel better even if you are having a tough time. I’ve compiled a list of things that I do to feel better.

Here are 15 things to do when you face uncertainty:

Acceptance. Be honest with yourself: say what you are feeling and why. Acknowledging how you feel can help you tackle those emotions. Accept that you cannot please everyone, no matter how hard you try. We all have our imperfections and quirky behaviors. It’s what makes us human beings.
Take care of you first. If you have had a difficult day when the boss has been riding you every moment, recognize that stress. Practice self-care and use grounding techniques and mindfulness. Notice your breath as you breathe out the anger and stress.
Exercise is a great de-stressor. I love going for a swim or a run when I’m stressed. Maybe exercising can benefit you too.
Think of short-term goals that you can achieve when you are feeling overwhelmed. These are things you can control, like your daily routines and home life. Focus on short tasks that you can do straight away to feel a sense of achievement.
Reach out to friends and family. Talk about how you are feeling and voice those emotions out loud.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own path to lead, and yours is unique to you.
Think about your language. How are you expressing the way you are feeling? Can you say what you are feeling in a better, more positive way?

You tell yourself: “I suck at giving work presentations. My colleagues are way better than me.”

Instead, say: “I’m not that great at giving presentations yet because I haven’t had enough practice. My friends are better than me because they have had more time.”

8. Reduce your stress. If something is making you feel anxious like watching the news or sitting in a traffic jam for hours to and from work — avoid them. Turn off the news and go a different route.

9. Think about your happy place. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it can really help to do something that makes you happy. You might have a letter or a positive message that can give you a boost. Notice that feeling? Now harness that and fill up on the joy for a while.

10. Challenge your reality. Let’s face it, life can be unpredictable and uncertain. Think about why you feel this way? What caused it? Is it your interpretation or factual? What would someone else say / do if they were in the same situation?

11. Put your situation into perspective. When we face uncertainty, emotions get in the way. When we are emotional, we can’t think clearly.

My nan gave me the advice “to never go to bed angry.” I didn’t understand her as a child, but I do now. A fresh perspective without emotion does help.

Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen? How likely is this to happen?

What are the repercussions? Will it matter in a year / two years / ten years from now?

12. Reframe your thoughts. Think of how you can turn your uncertain situation into something positive. Could there be an opportunity for growth?

13. Past successes to pave the way for your future. Think about what you have achieved so far in life. How far you have come to get to this point.

14. Gratitude and reflection. Think about all the things that you already have. Your qualities and talents. Your family and friends. Maybe a new change would be good for you?

15. Believe in yourself. If you can believe it — you will achieve it. A positive mental attitude can make a big difference to your outlook in life.

I’ve been through many challenges in my life and I’m still here. Sometimes it’s not about the situation itself but how you move on from it.

How will you handle your uncertainty right now?

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Tips for Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) Survivors on Social Media

Lee Frost — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

It’s not a great habit. Every morning, I grab my phone and do a quick scan of social media. One of the first images I saw yesterday shook me to the core.

A small girl, face redacted, is being exploited. She was about the same age as I was when things started happening to me. While I couldn’t see her face, I saw enough to recognize that she looked somewhat like me at that age. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and my pain levels were already bad. I felt sick, hollowed out, and numb. I didn’t really make it out of bed. I cried off and on all day, barely eating, not wanting to talk.

These are trying times for survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). As troves of files from one of the world’s most notorious modern sexual abuse scandals are released in waves, survivors are confronted with unwelcome images and details that can be deeply triggering.

The names of victims were among the unredacted information—a reminder of how painful this can be for those who have continued to suffer in the public eye. Not only are we seeing the photos and emails, we’re also subjected to endless jokes, memes, speculation, sensationalized clickbait, doubt and accusations of evidence of being falsified, dismissals from people saying that this not a big deal and it’s all in the past and we should move on, as well as cries to our fellow citizens to take off the blinders and finally see what’s being presented to the world.

It’s a lot.

More than some of our nervous systems can handle.

As people around the world reckon with terrors beyond their imaginations, those of us who had such things be our unfortunate reality are left to witness their disbelief and horror. As a survivor, I get a unique view into how our voices have been silenced. I remind myself that my reaction can be jaded because these experiences are so deeply embedded in my body that I lived in a state of chronic dissociation for years.

I had the good fortune to be part of an amazing program for survivors of childhood sexual abuse last year. Rachel Grant’s Beyond Surviving was one of the best programs I’ve encountered on my healing journey. It was also one of the most difficult: I spoke about things that I’d never said out loud before. The trauma release sessions left me so exhausted that my whole body ached for days. With every release of evidence from the files these days, it tests my ability to cope and to maintain resilience.

I work in digital strategy, and spending time on social media is a core part of my job. I’ve gathered some tips to help practice self-care and wanted to share them here. While no one solution will take care of the problems 100%, a mixture can at least greatly reduce exposure to content you’d rather not see.

Every major social platform has features to block content by keywords. While this doesn’t block everything, it can take care of a lot.

Report and block accounts that are sharing child sexual abuse materials (CSAM), or really, anything you could do without. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re living in a bubble. As humans, we’re not meant to be drowning in a tsunami of content. While some major platforms aren’t great about removing content, blocking, or muting can do a lot to help your mental health!

Use a paid social media blocking app if you’re struggling with the temptation to stay informed. As survivors, we may have an urge to support and bear witness to our fellow survivors. It’s up to you to decide what your limit is.

If a particular channel is overloaded with CSAM or rage bait designed to get people arguing, maybe it’s time to stop visiting. Give it a break, or just uninstall the app. Uninstall all of them if you have to, and take an extended break for as long as you need to.

Contact your local representatives and senators and ask them to support sensible measures to prohibit AI-generated CSAM, which has been a growing problem making headlines.

And while this seems like common sense, take it from someone who’s been known to get enmeshed from time to time: don’t jump into the fray. There are literally millions of bots and paid trolls who are seeking to get people upset with rage bait. They may have normal profile pics and bios, and in the fleeting, heated moments of online debates, you may be tempted to argue. Don’t feed the trolls! See point 2—block or mute accounts freely. Don’t share triggering content in an effort to shock people into understanding the trauma of being a survivor. It may get you banned, and arguing online often results in the backfire effect, in which the person you’re arguing with doubles down and gets even more aggressive.

If you have a support system, ask for help! When I’m on my laptop or phone, my husband will sometimes pass by and check in: asking if I’m okay, am I doomscrolling? Do I need to take a break?

Even though I’ve described myself as “chronically online” for years, events of the past couple of years have started to change me. I do my work on social media as needed, but my evenings are now reserved for non-digital activities. I crochet. I work on art. I read books or write in a journal. According to my symptom tracker, there’s a noticeable improvement in my mood and emotional health since I’ve started doing so.

I was born long before social media existed, and I’m finding a lot of value in returning to an offline life as much as I feasibly can.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Lee Frost

Lee Frost has worked for nonprofits and marketing agencies focusing on healthcare for the past twelve years. She has a blog about perimenopause and CPTSD called the Sinsemillier, and is working on a trauma-informed education program called the Shapeshifting Crone to help people with chronic illness and disabilities who have experienced medical trauma and gaslighting. Lee grew up in the Boston area and has a master’s from Harvard Extension School and has earned several certifications in trauma-informed care. She lives north of Boston with her husband, where they both love to nerd out on sci-fi and fantasy.

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The Journey of Recovery – Why Some Heal Faster: Uncovering the Factors Behind PTSD Recovery

Jeanne Jess — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Like many of you, dear readers, I have had certain experiences that led to CPTSD. At one point in my life, my CPTSD had become so overwhelming that I struggled to speak and eat normally, and there were times when I would stutter as a result. Before I got the right diagnosis and finally met a PTSD specialist, I was often misdiagnosed. I was told that I was too sensitive, too emotional, and overreacting.

All these judgments and criticisms made me feel worse about myself. Getting the right diagnosis was a big relief for me. And working with that doctor, a specialist in trauma recovery, helped. Because in all the years before, I was a real specialist in “running away” from situations.

But in this article here today, I want to focus on something much more uplifting: the journey of healing and recovery. I believe it’s important to talk about what helps, what heals, and what inspires us to keep moving forward. My hope is that by sharing these insights, people will find comfort and encouragement on their own path to healing.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to recover more quickly from PTSD than others?

I certainly have. After being diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) and desperate to make my panic attacks stop, I not only worked with a specialized trauma therapist but also read extensively on PTSD to gather as much information as possible.

Sometimes I even found myself arguing with my doctor, asking, “Why does recovery take so long?”

Here is what I learned:

Factor #1: Age at the Time of Trauma
One crucial factor in why some people recover faster than others is their age when the trauma occurred.
Children’s brains and nervous systems are still developing, so when trauma strikes early in life, the younger the child, the deeper and more lasting the impact can be. In contrast, a fully grown adult with a mature nervous system is affected differently by the same event. Therefore, an adult can recover more quickly.

Additionally, an adult has the knowledge and life experience to react and respond effectively in many situations, whereas a child naturally feels overwhelmed and scared because they cannot defend themselves physically and lack that experience. Consequently, the same event is far more traumatizing for a child than for an adult.

This is why trauma in early childhood leaves deeper scars on the nervous system, making recovery take longer and requiring deliberate work with a therapist. Early-life trauma embeds deeper neural and physiological changes because a child’s brain and stress-regulation systems are still developing. These “molecular scars” can be seen in altered gene-expression patterns and circuitry long after the event.

Factor #2: Physical vs. Psychological Wounds
The second factor behind differences in recovery is the nature of the trauma itself. Physical traumas, such as childhood abuse or serious accidents, involve direct bodily harm, embedding deep physiological and emotional wounds. Physical traumas create both somatic and emotional wounds, driving lasting dysregulation in stress-response pathways. Psychological traumas, on the other hand, do not cause a physical injury and are often easier to process and heal.

Factor #3: Cumulative Effects of Trauma
The third factor involves the frequency and accumulation of traumatic events. When situations are repeated or new traumas build on top of earlier ones, they often lead to CPTSD, whereas recovering from a single event is generally easier.

Factor #4: The Importance of Early Support
Another important factor influencing the recovery process is how quickly the person accessed help, emotional support, and a safe environment after the traumatic events. Many children receive no help and suffer in silence for years. Only later, as adults, can they seek support and find a qualified trauma therapist.

This is why, when people say they have PTSD, they may be referring to entirely different experiences. I always ask about their age at the time of the trauma, the nature and frequency of the events, and other pertinent details, since these factors reveal whether recovery will take more or less time.

One example: Relearning Safety and Presence – no longer running away. This was a big one for me to learn. Although most people find it simple, with CPTSD I had to relearn how to feel safe and stay fully present in the here and now – a “simple” skill that’s incredibly hard to master for those of us with CPTSD.

🌿These are just some basic insights to get started. I’ll write more about this in the future.

As always, as with all my articles, my hope is that what I share may encourage others on their path of life.
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions – I’m always happy to share what I’ve learned on my journey.

💗 With love, Jeanne

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Jeanne Jess

Having navigated trauma and its long-term effects myself, I understand how non-linear, layered, and deeply personal recovery can be. Every article here is written by me from the heart, based entirely on my own lived experiences and personal journey. The goal of my writing is to encourage all those who, like me, are living with a lifelong medical diagnosis, and everyone navigating difficult times in their lives. May my texts bring you comfort and encouragement. My website: https://www.janehealingangels.com/

www.janehealingangels.com/

The Dance of Life

Jesse Donahue — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

There she strolled, with a designed grace, one foot forward after the other, pushing, dispensing, oozing that life’s source, that vibrant something. Something spoken, wildly, emboldened to dare tell, to call out the imperative want and hunger that is human nature.

She sauntered, conscious and unconscious, enacting the full inner drama that spoke through a designed expression. That song, that drama, elicits a response in others to meet her needs and desires. That something worn, adorned, and polished may have been the obvious outward expression, yet it is a duality of messaging.

Her image was received by a complex mind, which resurrected a reciprocal wish. The wish to see in others what we want to see, and to believe what we want to think is accurate and real.

From a physical adornment in attire, it is an inner expression, a statement, a driving inner hunger, and an impression sought to tell the outside world of her needs. That energy and goal to be seen, noticed, and hungered for in design to our wish “to be esteemed.”

Mommy and Daddy look at me! Watch this! An early need to receive the affirmation that we are worthy of esteemed attention from the world of others, outside of our solitary self-awareness. Feed me! Our outer expression of design cries out to the world around us. Is the design that she wears, which elicits the returned hunger from others toward her, a simple picture of what she needs? Is that the authentic reaction for which she hungers? Or is it a desperate plea to capture and cure an esteemed eye from others upon oneself?

A learned substitute that feeds a deep, driving inner sense of feeling unfulfilled. Our early-life attempts to find fulfillment in nature’s precious love are rooted in the authentic esteem of others.

It is always a symbolic dance of life’s energy, trying to meet the unconscious needs from a shortage of esteem from outside voices in our world. Often, we are unaware of what, why, or how our expression to be seen by others is generated. It is especially true of our youth, and we often glide obliviously through life, never understanding why or how we express ourselves.

According to Psychoanalytic and other personality theories, character is designed in our unconscious. We dance an expression for the world, a symbolic regurgitation of met and unmet needs. Symbolism is the language of the unconscious as well as our pulsing needs, which our unconscious mind knows and expresses to the world. We see ourselves through sizing up who we are in the mirror.

The ideal self, the desired self, has innate needs to be fulfilled. The symbolism that emerges from our inner depths guides and pushes us to be expressive with others in an effort to be seen. We act to heal our masked inner wounds, struggling to quench our need for outside esteem or positive regard from others. Our behavior is a colorful mosaic, searching for acceptable avenues to meet our need for esteem in the world.

Hopefully, this dance of ours reaches a plateau where we begin to view our inner need to achieve a state of “self-love.”

We find inner praise and self-esteem for our authentic self. Thus, we strive to achieve a self that is far less controlled by unseen and unclear forces. Working toward self-actualization, self-love, and self-acceptance becomes our chosen pathway that minimizes our incessant drive to act out in ways we do not comprehend.

The Dance of Life
Originally titled: Esteem from the Outside World
By Jesse B. Donahue © 2023

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Jesse Donahue

*Copyright notice. All writings copyrighted and registered with the Library of Congress.

Therapy has helped improve my self-understanding as well as writing skills through journaling and essays. Although this writing journey began in later years, it has led to 70+ essays oriented around issues with CPTSD – a trauma disorder.

My writings, which include therapy notes, poems, novels (unpublished), and essays, are all a part of my ongoing personal therapy. Initially, the essays, intended for my therapist’s eyes only, began with exposing my thoughts, fears, and feelings, or the lack of, onto paper, a journal of therapy notes. Then, with fear overcome and via a personal decision, I shared them with the readers. *My thanks to Paul Michael Marinello, the editor of the CPTSD Foundation. My intent is to encourage readers to recognize traits in themselves and find (if desired) a therapist when they are willing and ready for that step. For some of us, it can be a long and challenging process, over extensive periods, to awaken to the unconscious issues that cause us to act out in life. Our behavior may seem like dancing to a buried, invisible cause we cannot directly see or confront. It is my sincere hope that my insights will assist the reader in the process toward reaching a deeper self-understanding.

Bringing the unconscious out into the light of self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance fosters self-love and the process of change.

Jesse B. Donahue

*Type a keyword into the foundations search engine. (Jesse, Heart, Personal, Twelve, Bugaboo, etc.) Or, Type Jesse Donahue at The CPTSD Foundation on a Google search.

Published with the CPTSD foundation. Top 10 essays in order of number of views:

** Personal Honor, Integrity, Dignity, Honesty
** The Heart of the Matter
* The Smoldering Embers of C-PTSD
* The Hidden Bugaboo (Parts 1-4 of 4)
Twelve Days Without Coffee
Learned Helplessness
Cast Out of Eden by Toxic Shame
*Codependency – Overriding the Monster of Self-Hate
The Emptiness of Yesterday
Surfing the Light Through the Darkness

Speak Up or Be Misunderstood: How Communication Can Break Down Trauma Barriers

Elizabeth Woods — Mon, 16 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

When was the last time you had a conversation with a real person, other than at work?

Social skills help us to connect, communicate, and build stronger relationships with people.

Face-to-face communication without smartphones happens less often than it should, as technology slowly takes over our social lives.

People rely on screens for daily life.

How many ways can you think of where you use your phone instead of having a real conversation?

I think you’d be surprised at how much you use a screen–but hey, it’s 2026, and everyone is using technology these days.

You check the weather and the news first thing in the morning. Fifty years ago, people relied on the local newspaper when it eventually came to the door.

Life was much simpler (but slower) back then. People communicated to get their needs met.

Nowadays, we can order anything and have it delivered to our front door.

Want a new kitchen? Sure, you can buy everything online, provided you have all the measurements.

Fancy a takeout for dinner? No problem. Go online, pick your favorite food, and it will be delivered to your door.

I love my cell phone and, yes, I carry one wherever I go — including to work. Teachers communicate both in and outside class to keep students safe. It’s a great tool to safeguard vulnerable students who have cut class.

I’m sure you use your cell at work, too.

Talking to each other in real conversations where we voice our feelings is a skill that many ignore. In a world where everything is available at the push of a few keys, people give up far too easily.

A trauma survivor can often get lost in the system between phones and people. Sometimes it’s impossible to communicate how we feel about something, and we push it away.

Some conversations are not fit for the cell phone. They need a human touch.

Trauma survivors don’t always know how to feel, but we sure as hell (pardon my language) feel it in our bodies because our bodies absorb everything (whether we like it or not).

These “non-feelings” manifest as headaches, stomach upsets, tension, etc. The problem is that those feelings that are pushed aside will never completely go away, and they have a way of showing up when we least expect them to.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be seen for who I am. The real me. I don’t want to pretend that I’m fine when I’m not. I’m sick of pretending and staying silent.

I’m a trauma survivor, and I’m not ashamed to say it out loud. My experiences with trauma can help so many who are struggling every single day.

Do you feel the same? Do you want to be seen and heard, as well?

If you want to be seen for who you are, you need to speak up. You need to tell people how you feel — every day.

If you ignore the need to communicate how you feel, those feelings can become cooped up inside your body just like a pressure cooker uses pressure from steam to cook food.

Eventually, you need to let that “pressure” out before you burst. Otherwise, you might experience an embarrassing “oil spill” of emotions wherever you happen to be. Trust me, it always happens in the worst possible place.

Sometimes, you just need to let the “pressure out.”

I’m a trauma survivor, and even after years of therapy, I still have days when I am triggered.

Trauma triggers are everywhere, and can pop up when we least expect. They can cause havoc in our lives.

When it happens, the last thing we want to do is to talk about it. I know, this is messed up, right?

Keeping complicated feelings inside is the worst thing we can do. As a trauma survivor, I learned to keep my business to myself because I believed that no one would listen.

That is the way I saw my world as a child, and I know many survivors feel the same. It is extremely hard to get out of that learned behavior.

Everything is almost certainly NOT FINE all the time, and people should hear it. Our voices do matter.

You matter.

But if you don’t speak about how you really feel, people will never know or understand you.

In general, we are desensitized by triggering events because they happen all the time. The news is riddled with bad events, people having arguments, and general conflict.

This has become normal.

It should not be normal that our wonderful world has so much conflict, causing billions of people to live in fear and anxiety.

Yet, here we are, and survivors often get lost in the maelstrom as we move through life.

You cannot change the whole world, but you can change your immediate world–and the people you see every day–by speaking up.

All of the “every day” stressors that cause us to be triggered are like little darts being shot from all directions.

One or two darts don’t hurt that much, but more than that, and we feel definite pain. Right?

How do we break the habit of a lifetime and tell people how we feel? Good question.

Well, it is not easy to do, and my advice is to practice. Use the bathroom mirror once you have calmed down from your trigger, and say to yourself:

“I matter, and my voice matters. This is how I feel…. ‘I’m not okay.’”

Practice what you are going to say to the person who triggered you. Share something small about yourself that you might not be certain that you want them to know. I think you will be surprised at the reaction you get. Most people are clueless about how trauma affects people.

I will give you an example of how I shared something about myself that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing. Because now I’m happy that I did.

A few years ago, I worked with two colleagues who were always bickering about stuff, and sometimes, they would use colorful language. The way they spoke to each other upset me, so I told them.

“I really don’t like the way you speak to XXXX; it makes me uncomfortable.”

Both had no idea how I felt, and they made peace (at least when I was around).

One weekend, I had to speak up and tell another mom that I did not like the words she used to speak to her son at football practice, because it was upsetting to my kids and me. It made that mom think about her words, and she is now much kinder (and calmer) with her son and my ears.

A third example is when I tell people that “I am allergic to cream.” This is not exactly true, but as close to the truth as I am comfortable sharing.

I cannot eat cream without feeling physically sick to my stomach because of what happened to me as a child. I do not share those details because they are too personal. By sharing that I’m allergic to cream, people will understand that I react to it in some way–which is true.

Speaking up and telling others how you feel about something can be a game-changer.

Communication is vital for our emotional well-being. It’s not just about talking but also listening–having empathy for someone. It also includes body language.

And while we should not remain silent, it’s also important not to overshare too soon. We want to build on our conversations and grow our rapport with others step by step. We test the waters so that we know that the person we trust with a trauma trigger is going to be supportive.

Of course, how we share is as important as actually sharing. We want to stay calm during problems, whenever we encounter them. It’s much easier to solve conflicts when we are relaxed and clear-headed.

If you need a moment before you speak, then take it.

You can learn to communicate your feelings. Start small, practice and build trust.

I believe in you.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

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Photo Credit: Unsplash

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Finding Beauty in the Pieces: A Journey Through Healing

Rachel Grant — Wed, 11 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

I’ve had the privilege of knowing Karen Carey since 2017, and over the years, it’s been incredible to watch both of us evolve and grow through our own healing journeys. Even from afar, tracking her path has been inspiring – seeing someone take the broken pieces of life and intentionally turn them into something whole, meaningful, and even joyful.

This month, I want to introduce you to her book, Unbroken: Turning Your Pieces Into Peace and Joy.

While I haven’t read it cover-to-cover yet, I’ve witnessed Karen’s wisdom, compassion, and courage over the years – and I know this book reflects exactly that. Unbroken blends memoir with practical guidance, reflection prompts, and embodied practices, giving readers a roadmap for healing, self-discovery, and transformation.

What I love about this is the reminder that repairing can be messy – and that’s okay.

Healing isn’t linear.

Sometimes it feels chaotic, confusing, or even impossible.

And yet, when we show up for ourselves, work through the hard stuff, and let our growth unfold, the results are always beautiful.

Unbroken is for anyone who’s ever felt lost or disconnected, and it’s a reminder that our wounds don’t mean we’re damaged – they are invitations to become more whole, more resilient, and more connected to our true selves.

A small action you can take today:
Take a moment to look at one area of your life where you feel “broken” or scattered. Write down one small step you could take to care for that part of yourself this week – whether it’s journaling, setting a boundary, or asking for support. Even a tiny action is a way to start turning pieces into peace.

To celebrating the beautiful, messy, powerful work of healing that each of us is doing!

P.S. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse. She is a trusted colleague and friend of CPTSD Foundation.

Rachel Grant

Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach and M.A. in Counseling Psychology. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse. Based on her educational training, study of neuroscience, and lessons learned from her own journey, she has successfully used the Beyond Surviving Program since 2007 to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and unfixable break free from the pain of abuse and finally move on with their lives.

www.rachelgrantcoaching.com

How To Challenge Negative Thoughts: 5 Simple Ways to a more Positive Way of Thinking

Elizabeth Woods — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 11:00:00 +0000

Humans are busy, and our minds are constantly playing tag with knowledge and new inputs. We are bombarded with information overload every day, but sometimes we tune out the noise, and our minds go for a wander elsewhere. Those niggling negative thoughts can worm themselves into your day when you least expect it.

You can have an awesome day, and suddenly your brain goes into negative self-talk:

“You’re not good enough.”

“Everyone’s better than you.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

These kinds of thoughts happen to us all the time, and they can shatter our self-esteem and confidence.

In this article, I’m going to take you through some actions to challenge the negative thoughts that will have you back to confidence and self-belief in no time.

Reality check. Literally. I want you to challenge yourself. Those words that you heard in your head are only in your head. Not everyone else’s heads. Look around you and listen to what people are saying to you. What is the evidence of your negative thoughts? Is this fact or fiction?
Point of view. Think about your own perspective, your outlook on life. As humans, we have a tendency to elaborate on situations and make them bigger than they are. Think about your point of view: How will this negative thought affect you tomorrow? Next week? Next month? In a year from now? Is it really that bad? Is it likely to actually come true?
Support network. We are social creatures, and we need people in our lives. Sometimes when we have a problem, it can be helpful to get a second opinion from a trusted friend. “A problem shared is halved,” isn’t that how the saying goes?
Language. Think about how you are talking to yourself. Instead of putting yourself down by saying “I suck at algebra,” try telling yourself, “I’ve not mastered algebra yet, but I’m going to keep trying.”
Your happy place. Think about your strengths and hobbies. The things that make you happy. When you are feeling down, use those activities to build yourself up again. Listen to your favorite music. Go for a forest trail run, or a swim in the ocean. Your energy and smile will soon be playing on your lips again.

As a trauma survivor, negative thoughts are constantly with me. What I’ve learned is that I don’t have to listen to them. They are the product of the voices from my past, and when they threaten my reality, I fight tooth and nail to claim back my self-esteem.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.