When you are a trauma survivor, rest and self-care are vital for you to thrive. We need to make sure that we are well enough to hold down a job and get to that paycheck at the end of the month.

I know several people, including teachers, who cannot afford to take a day off, even when they are sick. It’s crazy that our culture promotes such constant “hamster wheeling” in our workforce. Yet here we are, in a culture where workaholics and overachievers are rewarded, and relaxing is frowned on.

I urge you to try to slow down and give journaling a shot, even if you don’t want to. A side-effect of healing from trauma is to keep so busy that you don’t have time to feel.

Now, you can feel through your pen, in small moments.

Have you heard of the saying: How Does a Mouse Eat an Elephant?

In Small Bites.

If a mouse can eat an elephant, I’m sure you can journal for 5–10 minutes per day.

That’s it.

No more.

Start small and you will soon begin to feel the benefits.

Benefits of Journaling:

· De-clutters those busy thoughts from your mind, and introduces calm in their place.
· Promotes better sleep from that newfound calmness you have gained.
· Provides you with a nice balance in a routine out of your busy schedule.
· Enhances your ability to focus your thoughts and gives you mental clarity.
· Restores your ability to self-regulate those feelings and emotions by giving you back energy and vitality.

Start a Journaling habit

Ever since I was a young girl, I have always been a writer. I have found a quiet place to write down my thoughts and feelings. It began as a way to survive my impossible childhood, but the habit has stuck with me. As I got older, I fell naturally into journaling. But I’m aware that not everyone knows the benefits of this targeted exercise.

Journaling is:

Simple — Anyone can journal at almost no cost.
Transformative — It promotes long-lasting well-being and a positive attitude.
Effective — It is a proven psychological tool for improving mental health.
Effortless — It requires only a few minutes of your busy day.

Journaling is such a simple tool that is available at almost no cost. No skill is needed apart from being able to hold a pencil and write a few words. You don’t need to be a professional writer. All you need is a piece of paper and a pen. Most of us have those items lying around the house.

If you want something a bit nicer, you can use a pad or book to write in.

If you are someone who doesn’t like “a blank page,” you can choose to buy journals with quotes and writing prompts in them to get you started. Amazon sells these journals by the millions. They’re called anything from “Journal,” “Gratitude Journal,” or “Mindfulness Journal.”

Some of these come with reflections and affirmations, while others are blank with writing frames. What you choose for your journaling is entirely up to you.

A Time to Be You

Journaling is a unique opportunity to carve out 5–10 minutes of your day where you write down your feelings and thoughts. You may choose to write down your worries, too. What you write is up to you.

When will you journal?

It’s completely up to you where you choose to sit or lie down to journal. You might be a morning person and prefer the quiet when everybody is still asleep, and the day has yet to come. Or you might prefer to journal at the end of the day.

The main thing is to choose a time that suits you the best, and make sure you do it in a place where you can be alone with your thoughts.

It is in the silence that you hear the loudest things. 

I love that saying, but I don’t know where it’s from.)

I have always chosen to do my journaling at the end of the day. I can relax in the quiet when the kids are in bed and the house is straightened out and ready for the next day.

I sit down with my journal, breathe, and reflect on my day. Sometimes I write about my day and what’s been going on, other times I look to the future and set myself some goals on what needs to happen in the coming days. This is especially important when it comes to the kids and work because there is always something that needs to be done or planned ahead. Journaling has become my refuge where I can sort my feelings and thoughts and pour them onto a piece of paper. If I’m upset or worried, it goes in my journal. There, I’ve voiced my feelings, and now I’m feeling better.

The one thing I have made a habit of doing is to write down the things that I am grateful for. It’s something that my therapist asked me to do years ago, and the habit stuck.

When your life is hard and the going gets tough, you cannot always look ahead. There are too many obstacles in the way. As trauma survivors, we have seen too much already, and when our world gets temporarily dark, it’s hard to see the brightness.

This is when it’s important to try to see the glimmers of goodness in your day.

Even during the worst day of your life, there will be something small that was not awful. That right there is what you need to focus on. Don’t dwell on the bad in your life. Instead, focus on those tiny glimmers of goodness.

Yeah, yeah — you say. I don’t have those….

I call it BS — everyone has glimmers, but you need to be open enough to see them. Look around you and think about what happened before the awful things. There will be something — I guarantee it.

If you start looking for those glimmers and add them up in your journal, you will soon have a plethora of goodness to look back on. Trust me, you will be starting to look forward to journaling. Those moments will be your comfort in your dark days.

Give it a fair shake. C’mon, what have you got to lose?

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support my writing, and buy me a coffee. I love a Cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles (Yes, because I deserve them.)

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

What am I feeling? It has been four to five years since the concept of a trauma disorder made an appearance and a diagnosis in my life; I am sixty-eight years old. A diagnosis of CPTSD, a trauma disorder, was made by a Clinical Psychologist. Admittedly, it is tough to be diagnosed with a disorder that hasn’t even been acknowledged to exist as a diagnosis in our land of the DSM.

I grew up in the sixties and sought out therapy in the late seventies or the first year of the eighties. Psychoanalysis still held sway with many of the powers that be back then. Psychoneurosis was the culprit I suffered from back then. It’s funny how the term lost favor over the decades, yielding to trauma disorders, but still, personality disorders have survived to our present day. Sometimes, it seems the baby was gleefully tossed out along with the bathwater regarding psychoanalysis as a legitimate source of intellectual understanding of the human mind. I suppose it is neither here nor there today, but I’ve just wanted to make a point: “Don’t completely whitewash the utter genius our forefathers handed down to us. Without them and their astonishing insights and mind maps of human suffering, we would be lost in the wilderness.” Returning to where I started, “What am I feeling?”

My lungs begin to clench, which makes filling them nearly impossible

As of the last year or so, I have been taking a new tactic when I experience what I’ve learned to call a CPTSD flashback of an earlier emotional state. My feelings at the moment can come upon me, often unexpectedly, as a raw state of gut-ugly, unexplainable psychological pain. What am I feeling? What is coming over me? Is this a panic attack? My lungs begin to clench, which makes filling them nearly impossible. My psychic state becomes that of being paranoid, unable to confront others in the moment. I typically feel as though I want to curl up into a fetal position and rock myself to make it stop, to make it go away. How would that look at the kitchen table or in the classroom? WHAT AM I FEELING?

If I take various medications, often this emotional experience is awakened, causing me to quickly get off the meds. I am extremely sensitive to this nearly unbearable feeling state that lives perpetually within me, but it is often held or kept out of my emotional experience. My behavior subconsciously knows this emotional upheaval is lurking below, and that sets the stage for other “diagnoses” that manifest from within. What do I feel?! I can no longer escape this question.

I can’t know what others are feeling or describe their experiential moment. Hell, I can barely describe what “I” am feeling. I cannot put a definitive finger on what comes over me. My present inclination is to label the torturous burden I have lived as “REJECTION.” Perhaps it is a state of abandonment emanating from the earliest memories of an internalized, living, traumatic experience. But as keenly and consistently as this energy is regurgitated and re-lived within me, it has to be an emotional experience I endured repeatedly. Repeated emotional states of being touched to the depths of what it is like to be flat-out rejected as a child. Wouldn’t you think? Why else would I know this lifelong, usually unconscious “terror” as a built-in framework of my inner emotional life? Where did this feeling that overtakes me come from? What am I feeling, and why am I feeling it?!

(RSD Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I hope to finish soon an essay regarding Rejection Sensitivity and the state of Rejection dysphoria that many come to live with. Until then, if you relate to suffering from a feeling of rejection, look up RSD as used in psychology).

IT IS NOT JUST ME WHO IS IN AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS

Was it okay for me to be different as a toddler and a growing boy, whether I was or wasn’t “different”? Were the raging assaults with “the belt” and the open hand truly appropriate to the moment’s punishment? Where did my mother’s rage toward me come from? I now know it was not I who caused her emotional rage; it was her own flavor of “What Am I Feeling” that hypnotically commandeered her emotional moment… driving her to assault me. As an adult, my mission is to seek and find the answer to what I feel. I know I’m not alone because one thing I’ve learned about us humans is that when I am feeling something, IT IS NOT JUST ME WHO IS IN AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS. It is me suffering the way others who were treated like me are also experiencing. I’ll bet that too many of us suffer the experience of WHAT AM I FEELING, yet we can’t bring ourselves to tell the familiar story. It feels too shameful, that toxic feeling of brutal shaming for feeling damaged (Toxic Shame).

If you are suffering, please don’t think you are alone. If you feel it, it is because that is how a human feels when they are mistreated in their youth. How could it possibly be our fault when we were such helpless children? You can’t argue with that. It was not our fault.

Cover Image created with AI

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Jesse Donahue

*Copyright notice. All writings copyrighted and registered with the Library of Congress.

Therapy has helped improve my self-understanding as well as writing skills through journaling and essays. Although this writing journey began in later years, it has led to 70+ essays oriented around issues with CPTSD – a trauma disorder.

My writings, which include therapy notes, poems, novels (unpublished), and essays, are all a part of my ongoing personal therapy. Initially, the essays, intended for my therapist’s eyes only, began with exposing my thoughts, fears, and feelings, or the lack of, onto paper, a journal of therapy notes. Then, with fear overcome and via a personal decision, I shared them with the readers. *My thanks to Paul Michael Marinello, the editor of the CPTSD Foundation. My intent is to encourage readers to recognize traits in themselves and find (if desired) a therapist when they are willing and ready for that step. For some of us, it can be a long and challenging process, over extensive periods, to awaken to the unconscious issues that cause us to act out in life. Our behavior may seem like dancing to a buried, invisible cause we cannot directly see or confront. It is my sincere hope that my insights will assist the reader in the process toward reaching a deeper self-understanding.

Bringing the unconscious out into the light of self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance fosters self-love and the process of change.

 Jesse B. Donahue

*Type a keyword into the foundations search engine. (Jesse, Heart, Personal, Twelve, Bugaboo, etc.) Or, Type Jesse Donahue at The CPTSD Foundation on a Google search.

Published with the CPTSD foundation. Top 10 essays in order of number of views:

1.  ** Personal Honor, Integrity, Dignity, Honesty
2.  ** The Heart of the Matter
3.  * The Smoldering Embers of C-PTSD
4.  * The Hidden Bugaboo (Parts 1-4 of 4)
5.  Twelve Days Without Coffee
6.  Learned Helplessness
7.  Cast Out of Eden by Toxic Shame
8.  *Codependency – Overriding the Monster of Self-Hate
9.  The Emptiness of Yesterday
10.  Surfing the Light Through the Darkness

What’s the tightrope I walk of being a woman in the society I live in? 

When a woman knows her worth, some men feel threatened by her.

When a woman knows her worth, some women feel threatened by her. 

If a woman is confident, knows what she wants, is assertive, and keeps her head held high, she’s arrogant, she’s a braggart, she’s another word that also starts with the letter “B,” and she needs to shut up.

If a woman is soft-spoken in her mannerisms and voice, she’s weak, she’s a pushover, and she’s not a team player.

If she falls in the middle, she’s lost in the background and has nothing to offer.

If her dresses are too short, she’s promiscuous and was asking for it.

If her dresses are long, she’s a prude and has no sex appeal.

If her dresses fall somewhere in the middle, she’ll get catcalled regardless, and it’s still her fault for being a temptress.

If a woman gets married and has children in her early 20s, she’s “rushing her life,” and she’ll be divorced in 10 years anyway.

If a woman doesn’t get married until her late 30s, she’s “an old maid,” and it’s such a shame that no one wanted her while she was in her prime.

If a woman never marries or has children, she’s not carrying out what she’s “supposed” to according to societal expectations. 

As a woman, I’ve gotten criticism from every angle throughout my life.

I began my undergraduate studies in computer science and learned on the first day of class that wearing a bright yellow sundress to class probably wasn’t the best idea; the stares that the guys in the class gave me showed what they were really thinking: “She’s lost.”

I would stand in line at the career fair for internships at technology companies and get comments from my male peers in the line like, “This booth is for Software Engineering roles only” and “Well… you don’t look like a computer scientist.” I thought to myself: Then, what’s a computer scientist supposed to look like? 

Even churches weren’t immune. Although I had just turned twenty, I was always asked, “Where’s your husband?” When they found out I was still single, they’d say with great fervor, “Well, don’t you worry, we’ll find you your knight in shining armor!” Am I really some sort of damsel in distress who needs a knight in shining armor to come to save me? 

In high school, I was the only female on the robotics team with about 25 other boys, and many of them were so uncomfortable with my presence that they couldn’t even look me in the eyes or call me by name. I never felt uncomfortable around them, but the fact that they felt uncomfortable around me made me feel uncomfortable.

I tinkered with robots and Arduinos at school; then after school, I threw on my leotard and tights to go practice my pirouettes at the dance studio. This was my norm. I was never ashamed of embracing my femininity and holding my own while pursuing what I was genuinely passionate about, no matter what kind of environment I was in.

When I reflect on the conflicting standards of womanhood our society holds, they don’t make sense to me. I’ve come to realize that I’ll never please everyone, nor should I have to. The closed-minded opinions people hold about a woman’s role only result in confusion and judgment when they encounter someone who breaks their static view of what is “normal” in our society. And I’m finally okay with that.

What’s my personal definition of womanhood?

I lose track of time for six hours designing a website, and then I’ll go dance my heart out at dance class so I can get a break from the laptop. The clothes in my closet range from bright, flowery, frilly dresses to sweatpants and ginormous T-shirts, as well as my Jiu-Jitsu training gear. (It’s great for self-defense!)

Although I’ve struggled with acne and rosacea for many years, I don’t wear any makeup like I did when I was a teenager. I embrace the imperfections on my skin and no longer feel the need to cover up those blemishes. I love my natural hair color, so I don’t get it colored at the salon. In the mornings, I don’t flat iron or curl my hair either; I just let it hang loose the way it is or throw it into a messy bun and get about my day. It’s a rarity that I get my nails done anymore—in the past, I only kept up with that expensive hobby to fit in with the other women in the environments I was in. Over time, I decided that money could be spent on more productive things such as online courses and other opportunities for personal growth.

Although it seems that many women my age are already married and on their first baby, I am confident in my singleness and the time I’ve had to embrace my journey of healing and self-discovery. Establishing fierce independence at this age has given me the confidence to know that if I ever do get married, I will know who I am at my core and will not need to depend on another person to take care of me.

I’ve regained the ambition and creativity I had during childhood, and I’m putting in the time and effort to decide how I want to live the rest of my life and achieve my personal goals. I forgive easily, am not afraid to listen to someone who has a different opinion than my own, and have a “live and let live” philosophy. I own my actions and don’t shy away from hard conversations.

Regardless of my ability to be social when needed, I’m not one to hang out in large crowds, go to concerts or sports games, or revel in gossip circles or petty drama. My idea of weekend fun is cozying up at home alone with my fuzzy socks and blanket, lighting my favorite cranberry apple-scented candle, and losing myself in a good book.

This is my personal definition of womanhood. 

I love embracing what makes me unique in my womanhood and not letting anyone define my femininity. Although I second-guessed myself in the past, I no longer feel guilty when I don’t submit to any standards of who a woman “should” be according to the world I live in. I choose my own path the way that I want to walk it, without fear of admonishment or punishment from others. In a society that profits off of women’s insecurities and fears, this can be a lonely path, but I no longer feel threatened by other people’s closed-minded opinions.

I am proud that I have finally gotten to the point on my journey where I no longer feel the need to change who I am to make anyone — whether a man or a woman — approve of me.

I am Natalie Rose, and I am proud to be me.

Photo by Brian Mann on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Natalie Rose

My name is Natalie, and I am a survivor of about 13 years of absolute psychological torture from Complex PTSD symptoms. For the longest time, I thought I was inherently sick and broken beyond repair. I spent over a decade running around in circles in the medical system trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me and how to “fix” it.

♡ What is Complex PTSD? ♡

Complex PTSD symptoms come from severe, prolonged, and numerous incidents of trauma, typically of a relational nature. Symptoms can come from any type of trauma, though, and the trauma doesn’t necessarily have to stem from childhood — adults can develop CPTSD as well. Trauma can damage the brain and shrink the hippocampus, causing many of the symptoms of CPTSD. I decided to go public with my story to be a voice for the voiceless. There are too many survivors being told CPTSD is a lifelong sentence, and they are not being given the tools they need to overcome their symptoms.

♡ My Story ♡

I endured multiple types of traumas starting at around age thirteen, including numerous situations of both individual and large-group interpersonal cruelty. Some of these situations forced me to switch environments. My body couldn’t fathom what was happening, and my nervous system shut down. I saw danger everywhere, operated in a panicked survival mode, and lived in fear, anxiety, and isolation. I did my best to appear “normal” on the outside, keep a smile on my face, and control what was happening on the inside, distracting myself with extreme workaholism and doing nice things for others. I took active steps to keep branching out in confidence again, but these traumas kept piling onto each other and overlapping. I wasn’t ready to give up yet, though, because I knew my family and friends would be distraught if I did. The most difficult and heartbreaking part of my story is that the two communities I set out to seek healing in—religion and the medical system itself—caused further trauma when some religious leaders, congregation members, and medical professionals chose to take advantage of my vulnerability for their own motives. In most of these situations, I didn’t even realize I was a victim until outsiders pointed it out for me and that my vulnerability made me a target of malicious people. Each future situation of being targeted was just salt on the wound of the original incident.

♡ My Struggles to Find Answers ♡

What I went through all those years was so severe, and my symptoms and physical body reactions as a result were so excruciating that I went as far as to see a neurologist, concerned that my symptoms were the result of some sort of nervous system disorder. However, he returned with no paperwork in his hands to inform me that there was nothing wrong with me but that I was simply completely traumatized, and my body reacted accordingly. I finally realized that my symptoms were not the result of an inherent mental or physical illness and began to take a trauma-based approach to my healing after many years of believing that I was “sick” for the rest of my life. My true progress began when I finally rejected the lies that were told to me that I would have to manage my symptoms for the rest of my life and made the decision to believe that I was fully capable of healing from my excruciating pain.

♡ Finding My Own Healing ♡

I am excited to share tips for natural, somatic, and holistic healing that have helped me overcome things like dissociation, flashbacks, sleep challenges, anxiety, hypervigilance, and more. I began to pursue unique methods of healing after many years of not seeing much progress through westernized care, and this was the catalyst for fast-tracking my healing. I aim to help survivors overcome their feelings of self-guilt, blame, and humiliation and help them realize that their bodies had normal reactions to abnormal situations.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up when my pain felt unbearable. I know what I’ve survived. I know the work I’ve put in to overcome it. I am finally living a life of consistent peace and contentment, and I am sharing my story from the other side. I hope to encourage other survivors that there was never anything wrong with them to begin with and that they are capable of living healthy, happy, and fulfilled lives. I aim to live my life in love of both others and myself, understanding that everyone has a story of their own. I am grateful to the CPTSD Foundation for giving me an opportunity to share my story.

♡ Personal Blog ♡

To learn more about my healing journey, please visit my personal blog, “Little Cabin Life,” at:
littlecabinlife.com

If I were to die and be reborn again
I would want to be your tear
To be born in your eye
To live on your cheek
To die upon your lips

– By Melinda Green, age 16

A client once asked: “How do I live with so much sadness? Do I go to work? Do I read a book? Do I exercise? I don’t know how to live.”

I answered: Do all of it. Do none of it. You don’t have to be fake or pretend. Be sad as you read, work, or go to work. Life is not an either/or. Stare at the trees, count the stars, binge on movies, eat popcorn and chocolate.

Feelings are messy. Life is an “and”. Embrace all of you, your story, and your healing.

Learning to hold and express your emotions is healing and a way of loving yourself. Life is for the living. To feel is to live.

“Trauma is incomprehensible and unbearable. It overwhelms the mind, body, and brain and shatters you to pieces. You cannot tell the trauma story — you live it out in your body.” – Dr. Bessell van der Kolk

It sits so deep in emotion, terror, and fear that no words can convey it. Trauma is lived out in heartbreak, gut-wrenching feelings, and intense reactions that hijack the body.

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat, “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice. “You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.” – Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll

When first opening to give and receive love, a confusing, messy roller coaster ride of emotional trauma bubbles up your nervous system, triggering buried memories and emotions that feel as if you are on the brink of madness. Lack of trust, unworthiness, guilt, and profound loss emerge from the shadows of your soul

Love is the healer, the elixir, the mystical potion of peeling the layers of generational heartbreak. Love will dig up every unhealed part of you.

Sadness and deep grief are the process of trauma recovery.

Embracing this emotional and physical intensity takes radical self-acceptance, loving-kindness, and a compassionate witness/adult who can guide you into the warmth of the light.

Being sad does not make you lose your intelligence, talents, or self-worth. Sadness teaches vulnerability and patience. Sadness allows your inner child to rest in your heart and find nourishment, warmth, and safety.

“For a woman, the greatest loss of all is herself.” Adrienne Rich

At one time, I hated my heartbreak, which meant I hated my inner child. It is the inner wounded child that is brokenhearted. She is the one who needs to heal and recover.

This memory is from a photo I still have: I am two, crying, sitting on my mom’s lap outside the apartment complex in Brooklyn, Clarendon Gardens. My face is red and wet from tears, and my nose is running. I am wearing a pink jumpsuit. My mother is talking nonstop to a neighbor, Lynn, ignoring me. All she does is brush my bangs away and keep talking.

I remember thinking that Lynn’s sweet face was lovely, framed by a soft chin-length bob, blue eyes, and rounded mouth. She always smiled at me. My mother, with cold, ice eyes and twisted blonde hair on her head, was mean. Why did Lynn want to talk to my mother? Doesn’t Lynn know how my mother’s screams hit?

I sob and sob; my stomach hurts bad. My mother looks at me with a grim, cold stare. Her eyes cut me like a knife. They stung like her slaps and pinches on my forearms and her punch down the steps. I had to go numb to tolerate the ice blue freeze of her touch.

No one ever picked me up or soothed me. Not my angry, violent mother, and not my self-absorbed father, who pushed me away when I sought his affection and never looked into my sad blue/green eyes or wondered why Marta cried so much. Aunts and uncles turned me away. My older sister, tormented by abuse as well, turned her abuse on me and treated me like an enemy. Told me she hated me forever. And she did.

Caught between these unavailable parents, I learned early that love is not to be trusted, that people will let me down, and that no matter how urgently I beg– nurture and satisfaction will always remain just out of reach–. The world is a tragic, depressing place where everyone I loved was in pain, and I never got what I needed. My dad never held me, comforted me, or saved me from my mother’s beatings and suicide attempts. My eyes saw it all.

By three, I was basked in sorrow, longing, and a broken heart. At 9, I felt a freeze in my body, and I developed a spastic colon. I hated myself and my family. My pediatrician prescribed me Darvon. He never questioned what was going on in my house. The wall was built… I believed that everyone hated me; I was ugly, stupid, and not good enough. I buried those beliefs so deep and built a wall of nails and broken glass so I wouldn’t dare to climb that wall.

I was first diagnosed with PTSD when I was fifty-four; after my sister committed suicide, my mother died in a psych ward, and I was in and out of hospitals with an unexplained illness and constant panic attacks.

The psychiatrist said, “You’ve had PTSD your whole life, and so did your family.”

I am now seventy-five. My road to sanity has felt like knives skinning me alive, pins and needles poking at me from the inside out, night terrors, Nazis hanging me from my limbs, fear of nameless faces stalking me, wanting to murder me in my sleep. Paranoia was my shadow. I thought every person I met hated me.

Addiction, co-dependency, and chronic illness were a tangled mess in my mind and body. The medical profession, the psychological profession, and spiritual gurus had no idea what PTSD is and still don’t. Approaches, brain research, and so-called “trauma-informed” strategies are band-aids that cover up the real and true “dark night” of the soul. I had to travel to reclaim my right to be alive, feel alive, and believe I deserved self-love.

There is a deep shame, guilt, and self-hatred that cuts deep into the skin, bone, and blood from PTSD. Recovery, finding peace and safety within, takes a lifetime. Finding the medicine bag that works is personal, generational, and unique for each person who suffers from trauma.

In our addictive society, we are brainwashed to believe that winning, being good, and looking good are the goals. Goodness, appropriateness, and niceness are societal definitions. Who sets those standards? At the same time, we are taught that emotions are weak and to be apologized for. We get hooked on perfectionism. It is all a cover-up—a lie.

The inner child yearns for truth and trust. She needs vulnerability, creativity, acceptance, inclusion, and compassion—not a taskmaster to achieve, to be good or nice. To express heartbreak is a foundation of safety, building boundaries, and empathy. Trust is a fragile part of ourselves and needs strength.

My greatest fear in surrendering to my heartbreak was that I would wind up like my mother in a psych ward or commit suicide like my sister. Neither, in reality, was true. My fear caused me to be dishonest with myself, judging and haunting myself with punitive thoughts and dreams, which limited my life and built a tough wall around my heart.

When I finally accepted the cycle of grief, terror, and heartbreak that comes and goes with trauma, my house of glass cracked and crumpled. I surrendered and waved a white flag.

My heartbreak slowed and humbled me and silenced my cyclic “I am not good enough” mantra. I connected my broken heart with the voice and emotions of my inner trembling child. Then, and only then, did she believe I would never abandon or judge her feelings and need to be loved.

The loss of the feminine is deeply rooted in universal generational, family, and biblical history. Heartbreak midwifed my empathic nature to emerge. It taught me how to love, not a happily after love, but a love that grew wisdom from my pain.

For a long time, I felt shame and judgment around heartbreak. Then, slowly, it all turned to a quiet sadness that guided me to my grief. Renewal, refuge, and radical self-acceptance emerged from my heartbreak. Then, I surrendered to humility, the ultimate equalizer of the heart.

To be in the world with heartbreak gives you the capacity to speak with truth, wisdom, and fierceness to be alive.

My writing, art, healing, inner life, and psyche expanded into a mad brilliance of uncensored expression. My tears nurtured my jumbled nerves, twisted thinking, and neglected feelings, which flourished into a rich, quaking, yelping, green forest of wild beauty.

There are wise and powerful ways to allow heartbreak to heal. They are simple to list but challenging to live. It takes daily practice—over and over and over.

1. Breathing and grounding your emotional chaos
2. Slowing down and talking to your body
3. Awakening your senses. All of them (noticing, receiving, and feeling)
4. Being present with what you are experiencing without judgment
5. Accepting imperfection and the pain of being invisible for so long
6. Understanding the story of your heartbreak
7. Having faith in your worthiness. Being curious about what faith means to you
8. Writing your story of heartbreak (or any creative outlet)
9. Practicing daily to feel, express and receive
10. Painting, writing, and collaging your sadness

Materials:
Oil Pastels, large sheet of white paper, drawing pad, acrylic or dry markers, magazines to paste images from magazines or the internet symbolizing sadness. Go to unsplash.com

Instructions:

• Use lines, shapes, and colors to draw sadness, grief, loss
• Go back to an event or time you experienced these emotions and check out how your body felt.
• Come from your body. Beyond labels and definitions.
• Post the images on a wall.
• What was the process of drawing like?
• What thoughts, feelings, and sensations came up for you during the art?
• Observe the images for similarities and differences.
• Describe the feeling with a memory, poem, photo, or metaphor.
• Stay in the moment with the image’s detail, not what it looks or reminds you of.

A Woman’s Heartbreak, by Marta Luzim

When a woman’s heart is broken, her soul is lost, and her spirit is frozen. Her whole life becomes obsessed with finding her heart. When her heart has been broken, eaten by mad dogs and scientists, lost and confused, estranged from her soul to guide her, she becomes tired of searching for the pieces. Exhausted, in fact.

Exhaustion is not allowed for a woman. She must get up and do her work to care for everyone and everything.

Exhaustion is not something you cure or an illness written in medical journals. When a woman becomes exhausted, she becomes mean and hateful if she cannot find a hole to crawl up in and cry and scream.

Instead, she is sent to spas, retreats, or asylums to be told to have gratitude, smile, or whatever will numb her anger. Finally, her exhaustion is called depression. She is diagnosed as an inconvenience to the world. She becomes a pathology instead of a human being healing.

After all that, she is prescribed Prozac or any other anti-depressant to give her balance. The world pats itself on the back, believing its job is done. Now, she can fit in, be happy, and belong in society.

A society that feels disgusted when a woman mirrors everything dark, beautiful, and wounded—that reflects the cruel empty hole that lives in the heart of humankind—symbolizes all of the atrocities that man has to offer—rape, incest, war, abandonment, hunger, poverty, greed, betrayal, and abuse, will oppress, shun and punish the vulnerability, sensitivity, rawness, and madness she shows the world.

There is no greater cry than a woman lost and wandering about with a broken heart. She has no place to rest her weary head. It is a silent suffering cry. A cry other women hear only if they have awakened to their own heartbreak.

Once she starts to cry even Hell fears her wrath. No one wants to hear a woman moan, howl, and sob. They say she is being a victim, dependent, a child. So she holds it down, back, repressed.

Then she morphs into the warrior wolf, sniffing, hunting her prey, and howling, I am here. I dare you to touch my heart. I will eat you alive. One day, she explodes or becomes crazy with madness, hunger, and isolation and lays down and dies.

The only way a woman can find her broken heart is to know it is broken and feel its ancient pain. The only way to know she even has a heart is to feel the pain of her heartbreak.

Then she will know how lost she is, how forgotten she has become–to herself—a heart that loves with ferocity, vulnerability, and a soulful song that heals.

That is a woman’s story, her heroine’s journey: to first, with fierce devotion, love her broken heart with warmth, tenderness, and nourishment. Then, she offered her heart to the world with strength and vulnerability. Then, she could take a deep breath and know she had come home. Then, she would belong to herself.

The cry from a woman’s heart is a wild, fierce song of the feminine. It is the harmonic homecoming of the universe. Everything after that is grace.

What is your heartbreak saying to you? Invite your heart to speak its truth.

Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Marta Luzim, MS

Marta Luzim, MS has worked with women, families, and couples for over forty years. She is a Psychospiritual Therapist with an MS in Counseling Psychology and a BS in Education. She is an expert in womens’ story-telling and a Next Level Practitioner in trauma. Marta holds certifications as a Kaizen creative coach and metaphysician; she is an intuitive intimacy trainer, mindfulness breath worker, and Kabbalah of Character expert. She is a self-published author, has published articles in Citysmart Magazine on creativity, healing, and women’s issues, is the third-place winner poet of Smell of Brooklyn Bricks through the Story Circle Network, and is an artist and playwright. Her novel, The Calling, and her book, Heart of A Woman, can be found on Amazon. In addition, Marta is the president of Give Her A Voice, Inc., a 501c3 organization that produced The Telling, a multi-media theatrical performance of women’s stories of recovery. www.giveheravoice.org  She is currently working on her memoir on her soulful journey recovering from trauma. She can be reached at marta@womeswayin.com and her website is: www.womenswayin.com

We are all different and unique in our skill sets at work and in how we are as human beings

Our world is busy and can feel overwhelming and unfriendly to anyone. With the internet and most businesses trading and communicating online, we can feel isolated in our work. It has become relatively easy to speak to anyone in the world at the click of a button. All you must think about is that not everyone is awake at the same time as you are, as international borders are blurred in a conference call. I am sure many of us know just how tired you can be after completing a full day’s work, only to go back online to speak to the offices on the other side of the world for business purposes. Our world is fast-paced, and we expect results from deals and targets. Many people find the constant pressures to achieve difficult, and not everyone can talk easily on camera. We are all different and unique in our skill sets at work and in how we are as human beings.

With the constant pressures in the work environment, change is inevitable. Change is something that most people find hard and struggle with. We are creatures of habit, and we like things the way they are and are reticent to our environment changing even if it is proven to be better. Change is inevitable at work and in our personal lives, and not all change is bad.

Why are we always so reticent at welcoming change in our lives?

In this blog, I endeavor to explore how survivors of abuse and trauma feel when facing change, either at work or in our personal lives. As a survivor of child abuse, I have had to go through many changes to be happy. For me, every part of change has not come easy, bringing with it a myriad of emotions. I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Change is scary because you have to open up a door to a new reality that you have never walked through before. In some respects, it is a gamble and can feel terrifying, even if the change is good for us.

My biggest change happened when I was 18 years old, and I bought a plane ticket to leave my abusive family and environment. I wasn’t even old enough to drink a beer, but I could buy a plane ticket! I sat alone at the gate, clutching my old backpack, watching the plane arrive that would take me away from everything and everyone I knew. I needed to break free. I knew it with every cell of my body because to stay would be suicide. Even though I knew I had to leave for myself, I struggled to get on that plane! My feet watched the floor move and shuddered as I boarded the plane with the other passengers. “Don’t worry, it’s like a bus on wheels, but better!” a stranger murmured to me.  I felt lighter as the plane hit the tarmac with three precise bounces, and the passengers cheered that we had arrived. I was starting a new life in a new place after only a few hours of traveling.

Change happens to us all. It may not be as fundamental as relocating as I did, but we all have changes in our lives at some point. You might need to move apartments or houses. You may have to change who you rent your apartment with. You might change jobs several times or you might meet someone with whom you can share your life. Every change brings with it a whole new set of opportunities, but they also bring with them feelings that you may not be prepared for.

How do you feel when you are faced with change? 

Do you allow yourself to feel those emotions?

Feelings and emotions are inevitable, just like change, but survivors of Complex PTSD do not always let feelings in. They happen whether we want them or not because they are how we make sense of our world. If we feel strongly about something, we should voice it, which may come out as frustration or anger. Whatever feelings you have about a change in your life, you need to make sure you have an outlet for it. These feelings deserve to be heard and not stuffed away and ignored. It is vital to our health and well-being that we talk about our feelings to a trusted someone. Without talking through our problems, we cannot operate and be as effective as we can be. Strong feelings tend to fester and gnaw at our insides when we ignore them. If you don’t have a “person” to talk to, why not express them in a different way, like journaling or through music and the arts?

Sometimes, you can welcome a change, like moving in with a new partner, but it can still stir up some strange emotions and questions.

Am I doing the right thing here? 

As survivors of trauma, we don’t always listen to our intuitions and go through changes without catching up to our own reality. I have myself called up my friend and asked for a “reality check” when faced with changes. It is good to have someone you can bounce things to. Everything you feel matters. If the change is good, it can still stir up a lot of questions. Whatever feelings you have about a change, you need to voice them somehow. If people around you can understand what you are going through, they might be able to help you through the change.

Whatever you do and wherever you are in your healing journeys, I wish you happiness.

My name is Elizabeth, and I am a survivor.

Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

John-Paul Ford Rojas recently wrote in The Daily Mail: “Britain is suffering its longest sick note epidemic for 25 years as 2.7MILLION people claim they are too ill to work and holding back the country’s economic growth in the process” Please read: “People claim they are too ill to work” Meaning: “They are lying and work-shy.” “Holding the economy back:” Meaning:” The current disastrous state of the economy is the fault of all those liars and work-shy individuals.” All following the popular theories. Take Mel Stride, for instance, who declared: “Mental health culture has gone too far.” And “Normal anxiety life is being labelled as an illness.”

For 13 years, under a Conservative government. People suffering from mental illnesses have been subjected to increasing abuse and mistreatment in the forms of Work Capability Assessments, the creation of Universal Credit, with a long process to get first payments, penalising individuals for minor errors, placing them into distressing living and emotional conditions; some losing their lives waiting for support and care, others dying by suicide, pushed to their limits.

UN warns UK government ‘demonises’ disabled people with ‘onerous’ benefits system: “Rosemary Kayess, the chair of UNCRPD, said: “We see a reform agenda that is framed in a political narrative that demonises disabled people, including proposals to cut disability benefits to reward working people by cutting taxes, which tells disabled people they are undeserving citizens.” Later, She adds: “Reforms within social welfare benefits are premised on a notion that disabled people are undeserving and skiving off and defrauding the system. This has resulted in hate speech and hostility towards disabled people.” Indeed, hate speech and hostility towards disabled people have never been higher.

The constant dehumanization of disabled people has been brought a few times now to the UN, but no concrete actions have been put in place for change. As the General election approached, it was clear the Labour and Conservative parties were planning further attacks on their most vulnerable citizens – anyone who was sick, living in poverty, and unemployed. Liz Kendall, Labour’s Shadow Work Secretary, declared on the 4th of March 2024: ” Under the Labour party, if you can work, there will be no options of a life on benefits.” The Standard read as follows: “Labour has promised tougher measures on handing out benefits payments as it sets out plans to reduce the number of young people out of work, education or training.”  If their promise is to support young people to get easier access to work or apprenticeships, that is great, but “Labour has promised tougher measures on handling out benefits” feels like more unnecessary punishment and pressure instead of making sure these young vulnerable adults have a safe and supportive system in place while they work things out and heal. There are plans for DWP to have access to benefits claimant’s bank accounts just to make sure they aren’t lying and committing fraud.

The standards of living in the UK have seriously plummeted, with “The Cost of Living Crisis” and ever-increasing food, bills, mortgage/ rent, etc. Even those who work can’t afford a decent lifestyle. Working doesn’t pay enough anymore. Getting into University puts young adults in debt for most of their lives and no longer guarantees a good job/ life. There is a constant fear of becoming homeless and of losing everything, which all creates stress, anxiety, depression and trauma for parents and their children. Stressed and unhappy parents make stressed and unhappy children. People are struggling to survive: how can they be fully present for their children? These situations create Attachment Trauma. Small and big kids are not getting what they need more than anything: loving, caring and available parents. These little ones will grow up with difficulties such as ADHD, depression, anxiety., and more. They will be labelled as difficult, attention-seeking, and childish.

Adult survivors of child abuse (whether mental, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse.) have already been through hell, trying to manage a life of total despair. If some get out of the abusive parental home/ or care setting in one piece, they will have more difficulties than others in building their adult life. Some will fit well into society – workaholism and being forever busy are also trauma responses, which are celebrated, but still, these individuals are left alone to carry their pain. Society doesn’t mind nor care if you are struggling as long as you can play the rat race game, even to the detriment of your health and happiness.

For those whose trauma manifests as depression, anxiety and lethargy, having great difficulties even going out in the world, feeling frozen in fear and in sadness, with no one to turn to, and for those dealing with inflammatory illnesses, with chronic pain as well as mental illness, who really can’t “actively participate in the economy”, they are doomed to suffer even more. They are dealing with having to beg for the emotional and financial support they need and deserve. They are more likely to be dismissed by GPs or so-called mental health experts. They are constantly bullied in the news, in the papers and in politicians’ speeches. They are hunted down and pushed to death by DWP – IT IS BULLYING AND PERSECUTION.

Suicide rate rise in England “very concerning, says charity.” Nic Paton wrote, on  8 Apr 2024, for Occupational Health Plus. “In all, 5,579 suicides were registered in England in 2023. In response, the mental health charity Mind has called the figures “very concerning”. Jen Walters, Mind executive director of social change, said: “Even one suicide is one too many. The causes of suicide are many, complex, and vary from one person to another.” She added: “What we do know is we are still feeling the seismic effects from the pandemic, and the cost-of-living crisis is continuing to have a devastating impact on society. We must do much more to reverse this.”

 You can read about my own experience of suffering from mental illness as a result of severe child abuse, which was labelled as BPD, and how it has affected my work life on the page – About Sylvie. Suffice to say the messages we are receiving through the media – social, newspapers and News – as well as from politicians: “You are lazy. You are not wanted here. Everything is your fault, and you deserve your “lifestyle”. You are useless to us. You are just pretending to be ill, so you don’t have to work.” resonates strongly with the words I grew up hearing, from my biggest bully: my own mother. It is triggering, cruel and abusive.

Take gentle care of yourselves – it isn’t easy to live in such a cruel society.

Sylvie

You can read:

 – The Office of National Statistics’ latest release, Suicides in England and Wales Statistical bulletins

– On Winter Turns into Spring: The impact our environment has on our mental health.

– I tell my story in The Blossoming Lotus

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Sylvie Rouhani

Writer – Blogger – Poet – Mental Health and Child Abuse Activist

Deputy Editor and Journalist for Taxpayers Against Poverty

Author of The Blossoming Lotus”

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/blossoming-lotus

New Website: Breaking The Cycles

https://breakingthecycles.co.uk/

breakingthecycles.co.uk

Rape Crisis: England and Wales give the following statistics: Between October 2022 and September 2023: 1 in 4 women (6.54 million in total) have been raped or sexually assaulted;
1 in 6 children have been sexually abused;
1 in 18 men (1.34 million in total) have been raped or sexually abused – as adults.

On the 15th of March 2024, Rape Crisis published the following article: Alarming scale of sexual violence and abuse on mental health wards. It reads: “These investigations have uncovered deeply concerning incidents and safeguarding failures within mental health inpatient settings – almost 4,000 sexual safety ‘incidents’ were reported between January and August 2023, perpetrated by a combination of professionals and fellow patients. We commend the enormous courage and tenacity of the survivors who came forward to speak about their experiences of sexual harassment, rape and sexual abuse, raising awareness of this issue.”

Charlotte Lynch, for LBC, wrote, on January 2024: 139 Met officers reinvestigated for rape and sexual abuse after being allowed to keep their jobs. “They  (The Operation Onyx  Team) checked 1,418 officers and 218 staff for missed investigative opportunities, which resulted in 139 live rape and sexual abuse investigations now being dealt with by the Domestic Abuse and Sexual Offences team.” 

Vikram Dodd, Police and crime correspondent for The Guardian, on Fri 9 Feb 2024: Met officers dissuaded children from making sexual abuse claims, report finds “Other failures listed in the damning official report include blaming children for ‘making poor choices’ Metropolitan police officers tried to put off children from making complaints about alleged sexual abuse and privately blamed young people for crimes suffered, a damning official report has revealed. Most investigations into child exploitation were rated as inadequate by His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC). Of the 244 cases it examined, 43 were graded as good, more than half (121) as inadequate and 80 as needing improvement.”

On the 3rd if September 2023, Ed Thomas – Special Correspondent – published on BBC News: Family courts: Children forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse. It reads: “Dozens of children have been forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse, a study has found. In some cases in the research, revealed for the first time by the BBC, the fathers were convicted paedophiles. In all cases, fathers had used a disputed concept in court known as “parental alienation”. The heartbreaking stories in the article demonstrate the little support found by protective mothers/parents, who are further abused by ex-partners and by the judicial system, separating them from their children and destroying lives instead of protecting them.
On the 17th of April 2024, Sanchia Berg, for BBC News, wrote:  Paedophiles could be stripped of parental rights under a new law

Speaking to BBC News, “Ms Harman said paedophiles who were guilty of that crime in the future would be “automatically deprived” of their parental rights.”  This is long overdue and needs to be implemented as soon as possible.

All these statistics and figures are just the tip of the iceberg. They certainly don’t reflect the profound damages (in mind, body and spirit) rape and sexual abuse/assault have on victims. For the last few years. There have been a few scandals relating to “celebrities” and individuals regarded as “powerful” and “hiding in plain sight.” Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, Epstein, Dan Schneider, Jimmy Saville. The list is endless. The same pattern occurs when those public figures are pulled out of the shadows, victims are treated as liars and publicly shamed: “Why did the victims speak sooner?” or “Instead of talking to journalists, why not go to the police?” Victims go to the police, and victims speak out (loud and clear), but they are the ones being relentlessly bullied: “Did you say NO?” – “Did you make it clear you didn’t want to?” “S/he/they are too powerful. Nobody will believe you.” – “It is just the s/he/they are! Let it go.”

Let’s not let the “high profile cases” make us forget all the children and adult victims and survivors in danger of sexual assault on a daily basis, at home, by a parent, a sibling, a family member, the church Priest, or the Scout coach. Perpetrators are everywhere. They are skilled liars and groom everyone around them to hide their dirty secrets, but it is clear that there is always some “rumour” or at least one person notices something but brushes it under the carpet. It isn’t that they are hiding in plain sight, it is that too many people know, but turn a blind eye.

The focus on prevention is missing the mark. Whilst educating children about personal and physical space and boundaries, “No, you can’t touch me there.” – “No, I don’t want to. Stop this” is important; it places the responsibility on the victims to stop the abuse when they, often, are too young to understand what is done to them and too young to defend themselves against an adult. The same goes for adults, especially women; “Don’t go home late and alone. Don’t listen to music when walking. Don’t wear this or that” and, again, the famous: “Make sure you make it clear: No is No” A rapist doesn’t care what a victim does or says.

A reminder: the only person entirely at fault is the abuser.

So, what needs to be done – beyond lovely slogans, #s, and prevention?

Education is needed to break all victims’ shaming and blaming myths.

Victims (big and small, and all genders) need safe places to go to and loving, supportive people around them. They need someone who holds space for all their emotions and experiences. They need to be heard.
They need professionals who do their job properly, defending them and holding the perpetrators to account.
Allies – non-abusive parents and carers – must be included in children’s care and safety plan and supported alongside their children.
Regardless of status, position of “authority”, bank accounts sizes, ALL PEPETRATORS should be arrested and face the consequences of their actions.
Law and legislation need to be changed so that supportive and protective parents can keep their children with them.

There is much to do and to be changed. Oftentimes, it feels hopeless.

Take gentle care of yourselves.

Sylvie

Helpful websites:

WE STAND: “Child sexual abuse affects the whole family. It can fracture family relationships and creates lasting trauma. We Stand takes a unique whole family approach to supporting victims of child sexual abuse and their non-abusing parents, carers, and siblings. We aim to ensure that all families impacted by child sexual abuse are supported to move on positively with their lives.”
Helping Survivors: “Our goal is to help people who have been impacted by sexual assault and abuse get the resources and assistance they need and deserve.”

The Survivors Trust – to find support in your local area

Sylvie Rouhani

Writer – Blogger – Poet – Mental Health and Child Abuse Activist

Deputy Editor and Journalist for Taxpayers Against Poverty

Author of The Blossoming Lotus”

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/blossoming-lotus

New Website: Breaking The Cycles

https://breakingthecycles.co.uk/

breakingthecycles.co.uk

Not everyone loves the “Dear Diary” narrative format (present company included), so I want to offer you five fun and creative ways to start a journaling practice.

1. Discover the Power of Quotes: Begin your journaling with a powerful quote that resonates with your experiences. Select a quote that speaks to your emotions, aspirations, or the challenges you’ve faced. Write it down in your journal. You can try using different colored pens and each color can represent a different emotion. As you write, reflect on the quote’s meaning in relation to your own experiences. I like this prompt because the blank page can be intimidating and might not know what to write or where to begin.
2. Create Visual Collages: Visuals can often convey feelings that words struggle to capture. Isn’t it true that a picture is worth a thousand words? Cut out pictures from magazines or print images that symbolize different emotions, hopes, and goals related to your healing journey. Glue these images into your journal and write a word or short phrase beneath each picture that reflects your experience. This creative process can help you explore your emotions in a unique and visually engaging way, cultivating a deeper connection with your journaling practice.
3. Capture Emerging Words: In your journaling sessions, I invite you to identify a single word that resonates with you at that moment. This word could represent an emotion you’re feeling, a realization you’ve had, or a quality you want to nurture. Write this word prominently on the page and allow it to become a focal point for your reflections. Over time, as you look back at these words, you will witness your own shifts of healing and growth. One word can capture a lot.
4. Embrace Stream of Consciousness Writing: Sometimes, the best way to release thoughts and emotions is to simply let them flow onto the page without judgment or structure. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about grammar, just allow your thoughts to pour out. This unfiltered stream-of-consciousness writing can help you uncover hidden emotions, untangle complex feelings, and gain clarity on your experiences. It’s a freeing way to empty your mind onto the paper and make space for healing. Don’t overthink it, pen to the paper, and go!
5. Dialogue with Your Inner Self: Imagine having a conversation with your inner self—the part of you that holds your feelings, fears, and dreams. Write a note in your journal as if you’re speaking to this inner self, expressing your thoughts and emotions openly. Then, respond as your inner self, offering guidance, comfort, and understanding. This exercise can facilitate a deeper connection with your emotions and provide a sense of self-compassion. What would you want the highest and wisest part of you to say? Again, this is a prompt to try without overthinking it.

Conclusion:

Starting a journaling practice within the context of trauma recovery can be both therapeutic and empowering. Incorporating these creative techniques can make the process enjoyable and meaningful. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to journal—what matters most is that you are giving yourself the space to explore your emotions and experiences in a way that feels authentic to you.

When you start anything new, be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, and your journal can serve as a tool and companion along the way, capturing your growth, insights, and moments of strength. Through these five fun journaling methods, you’ll find a safe outlet to process your trauma, gain a deeper understanding of yourself, and move forward on your path to recovery.

Call to Action:

I invite you to try one of these fun approaches and carve out a space for your thoughts, emotions, and reflections. Start with 2-3 minutes, make it realistic for your life and schedule. Remember that every step counts no matter how small it might be.

Are you a therapist or coach looking to expand your therapeutic toolkit? I invite you to explore my course on journaling.

Visit https://app.ce-go.com/erenadigonis/courses to learn more and enroll today.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Erena DiGonis

I am Erena, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Health Coach, and trauma advocate based in New York. I am the founder of a group practice that specializes in working with clients who have anxiety and complex trauma.

As a New York State approved Continuing Education Provider for Social Workers, I am committed to ongoing education and staying up-to-date with the latest research in my field. In addition to treating clients in my practice, I supervise dozens of clinicians and coaches from diverse backgrounds. I have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Psychology Today, Reader’s Digest, Women’s Health, and MEL magazine. I am a proud member of the CPTSD Foundation Advisory Board.

www.ErenaDiGonis.com