***

I recently read an essay by Melissa Febos, “The Heart-Work: Writing About Trauma as a Subversive Act,” from 2017, which was later expanded and now appears as the first chapter, entitled “In Praise of Navel Gazing” in her 2022 collection of essays “Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative.” I read the original article on my laptop as I ate comfort food at a wooden picnic table near the lake. I had run away for the afternoon, taking time with myself, sorting through some uncomfortable emotions, and feeling raw. As I absorbed her story, tears appeared on the horizon. I was moved both by her compelling arguments about the transformative power of the truth but also by another layer of realization of my own hard stories pulsing in my veins, chanting in the half-darkness, waiting in the wings for their moment in the sun.

***

“This is the way adults love each other.”

“This is a grown-up secret, just between you and me.”

***

I’m seventeen, and I’ve agreed to check into Long Beach Memorial Hospital for a substance abuse treatment program for teens. I see the gray melamine meal tray, complete with a wooden spork and green Jello, in my mind’s eye. I am filling out a questionnaire. “Have you ever been sexually abused?” I mark the yes box. I feel defiant and strong. I am finally telling the truth. Do I understand the true freeing power of honesty at that time? It’s not how I do today, but somewhere in me, I am so tired of keeping secrets. My adult cousin had molested me when I was about 3 or 4.

I hadn’t thought that checkmark all the way through to the avalanche effect it was about to have. I was underage. My parents had to be told. Was it going to have to be reported?

Big surprise, they weren’t surprised. They already knew. Apparently, I had told them when it happened. Why did I still feel so betrayed? What could a young child have possibly told them anyway? Did they know to ask the right questions? Why was nothing ever done? Why did I still feel so unsafe? Why was my dad still buddy-buddy with this man who did what he did to me? Why did I feel like it was my fault?

***

“Men will only ever want one thing from you.”

***

My dad told me this multiple times, starting in junior high school. There was always a “look” and a “tone” that went along with this. I assume he thought he was protecting me. In high school, he told me I looked like a prostitute once and made me change my clothes.

My dad also repeatedly told friends and family the story about the summer I was developing, and he saw me in the rear-view mirror but hadn’t seen my face, just my body, and found himself gawking at me. Internally, I cowered in shame. Why was he proud of this fact? Why did I feel so dirty? What did I do wrong?

***

“If you really knew me and all my secrets, you wouldn’t want me, love me.

You’d run screaming in the other direction.”

***

The point in my life when I finally stood in the face of the truth at last and looked eye to eye with my own alcoholism and destructive patterns, my own Jekyll and Hyde, the wasteland of my tattered soul, was the same timeframe I started writing again. Among other things, writing saved my life and resurrected my sanity. The true transformation took root; my pen and ink were soil and water. With guidance, I began to look with clear eyes at myself and question who and what I was and what the hell was I doing in my life, not to mention asking and answering the questions starting with why. I dismantled secrets, washed clean the lies (including those I told myself of what was and wasn’t ok), and turned the clean laundry back right-side-out. I had lived in an inverted reality and didn’t even know it. The shame rode so deep in me. I couldn’t look you in the eye. I most certainly couldn’t even hold my own gaze in the mirror. I was dead inside. Too many secrets. Too many lies. For far too long.

***

“I had to walk back through my most mystifying choices and excavate events for which I had been numb on the first go-round.” – Melissa Febos

***

As I laid myself bare on the table, ink drained from me like blood. I felt like I was in a detective movie, making one of those link charts of stories and suspects, causes and conditions, trying to unravel an unruly ball of tangled yarn. I spoke of all my personal unspeakables, first on paper, then out loud to another. I told the stories and mistakes. I told how I hid and lied and cheated. I told things I could barely understand the meaning or implication of at the time. I recounted what I experienced, what had been done to me, and how each unhealed trauma had deepened my predisposition for the next, how I had become so broken and bent that I didn’t and couldn’t attract anything else. I had come this far and understood at a deep and visceral level that if nothing changed, nothing would change – that if I didn’t bring absolutely everything into the sunlight, then the simple truth was that I may not be able to move forward. And I already knew what backward looked like. No longer acceptable. Hope only lay ahead, in the unknown, in the light of day.

What happened next appeared gradually, like an acorn transmuting into a sapling, eventually growing into a mighty oak. Or maybe the better analogy is the beautiful lotus flower rising up out of the muck and mud at the bottom of the pond. I no longer have secrets. I may choose to keep something private, but the chains of silence no longer bind me. There is nothing that I have experienced, thought, said, or done that at least one other human being knows about. And there is sheer freedom and joy in this. I no longer feel the need to hide. I meet my own gaze in the mirror, and I know that someday, my stories of transforming my lived experience will help others transform theirs as well. No mud, no lotus.

***

“I say that refusing to write your story can make you into a monster. Or perhaps more accurately, we are already monsters. And to deny the monstrous is to deny its beauty, its meaning, its necessary devastation.”  — Melissa Febos

***

I began to feel grateful for pieces of my story. My escape into alcohol and, later, drugs may have been killing me, but it also medicated me and kept me alive in some ways. The pain that I endured both at the hands of others as well as at my own is a touchstone to growth. I don’t necessarily want to purge my past. Purify, transform, transmute, yes, but my battle scars are well-earned and, at times, even treasured. This is the rich and fertile soil that can help others transform their own.

. ***

“Navel-gazing is not for the faint of heart. The risk of honest self-appraisal requires bravery. To place our flawed selves in the context of this magnificent, broken world is the opposite of narcissism, which is building a self-image that pleases you. For many years, I kept a quote from Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet tacked over my desk: ‘The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you.’ ”  — Melissa Febos

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Adina Lynn LeCompte

Adina Lynn LeCompte is a sixth-generation Californian. After having lived in varying parts of the US and abroad in Florence, Italy, she has come home to roost, splitting her time between the Central Coast and the Foothills of Yosemite. She holds her Bachelors of Arts from UCLA (Language & Linguistics), her Master of Arts from Middlebury College School Abroad / Universita’ di Firenze (Language & Literature), and studied 4 years in the MDiv program at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado. Over the years, she founded several successful local businesses and worked as an interfaith hospital and hospice chaplain.

Adina is a working writer, an award-winning poet, and is working on her upcoming book “Spilling Ink: Write Your Way Into Healing”. Additionally, she has designed an interactive transformative workshop by the same name that uses writing as a tool for healing from trauma, especially abuse and grief. She is also co-author of several compilations of poetry with her husband, John LeCompte, who is also a writer. (“With These Words, I Thee Wed: Love Poetry” was published in 2023.)

Her most recent exciting endeavor is being a part of the Bay Path Univeristy’s MFA program in Creative Nonfiction, with an emphasis in Narrative Medicine.

writeyourwayintohealing.com

Why do I need service dogs? Because I, like many, am on the road to recovery from complex trauma. I have been high-functioning most of my life. I’ve found ways to manage or cope with stress or trauma, but I’ve never actually dealt with the root causes. And I’m far from alone.

High-functioning mental illness 

We’re workaholics; the rocks others build on. We’re responsible, empathetic, and understanding. We’re on personal journeys and have personal missions. We do well in school, at work, or in social situations. We’re critical thinkers that find structural solutions; we’re bridge-builders. Leaders in times of crisis or change. The founders of good initiatives. The shoulders to cry on, the confidants, the advisors.

That’s our strength, as well as our weakness. We’re high-functioning alcoholics. Our amazing work ethic is actually an unhealthy way to avoid dealing with our untreated traumas. We excel in hobbies or physical activities because we’re desperately trying to feel better. Our empathy, understanding, and responsible natures are partially due to coping with stress and trauma.

We fight the good fight because no one fought for us. We are depressed. We are anxious. We are hyper-vigilant. The simplest things take us monstrous effort. We are burned out.

Not getting the help we really need, when we need it

The flip side of being high functioning is that when we reach our breaking point, we often don’t get the help, understanding, or support that we need. Most people can’t accept that we come across as well-adjusted, but we’re just managing our disease or even surviving day-to-day. That we desperately need AND deserve help and support.

Not getting help can lead to self-harm and self-destructive behavior

Self-harm is not uncommon for people who suffer from complex trauma disorders. Self-destructive behavior is definitely not unheard of. Especially in small communities with limited resources.

“Have you heard…?”
“Can you believe…!” 
“Well, I never!” 

The amount of gossip and surprised reactions when high-functioning people start falling apart is a normal day in the park for us. We’re not surprised. We can most definitely believe it. Most of us are painfully aware that we could be next. Or have already been there? It’s also the reason why a lot of high-functioning people don’t come out openly as having poor mental health or mental illness.

There’s already a taboo when it comes to talking about trauma. There’s a taboo on being adversely affected by trauma. There’s a stigma on seeking professional help for poor mental health or mental illness. But the social consequences when you haven’t dealt with trauma and you ultimately turn to self-harm or self-destructive behavior? Being the object of ridicule and social ostracism because you didn’t get the help you needed when you needed it. There’s nothing quite like it.

The ultimate “remedy”

That’s what I write about in a nutshell: my road to recovery. 

I write:

• Informative articles
• Op-ed pieces
• Personal blog entries
• Articles about advocacy and activism

But mostly I write about human nature and human rights. Because at the end of the day, my complex trauma is just a tiny part of who I am. 

I am a Renaissance Woman and Modern Entrepreneur. An avid reader, amateur writer, patient advocate, and complex trauma experience expert. A lifelong student of human nature and human rights.

My background may be complex. My disease may be complex. My life may be complex.

But at the end of the day, I’m Just Julie. A human being just like you.

Suicide is the last stop for people like me. I, and many like me, have lost a lot of people to suicide. While the rest of my environment is shocked, grieving, and taken by surprise, I am shocked, suppressing my grief, and not surprised at all. These people are my people. These people are my tribe.

I tried to hang myself when I was 12. It was pure chance that I failed.

No one knew at the time. And no one suspected or noticed how badly I was doing. My suicide attempt wasn’t a cry for help. It wasn’t a way to get attention. It was the only escape for me from an impossibly bleak situation and immediate future.

Sometimes failure is a good thing

I didn’t tell anyone about my suicide attempt until the following year. 

I connected with a cousin who was a lot like me in a lot of ways. He was also well-adjusted, but silently suffering from depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Like me, his attempts at seeking support or understanding had worked counter-productively.

To me this connection was profound. It had taken me 14 years, but here was one person who got me. If there was one, there might be more. If there were more, there might be others who knew why I was the way I was. And maybe someone, somewhere had figured out how to live with being like me.

It’s a journey, not a destination

And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. What I’ve been working towards. Not always consciously. Sometimes with detrimental results. Riddled with periods of complete and utter dejection; times when I cannot function.

But I also learned a lot. Met people who know a lot. Learned a lot of life lessons. Tried a lot of different things. I’m nowhere near my destination, but I’m on my way.

Self-Actualization

At various times in my life, I have been trying to self-actualize. And that helps me manage my disease better than anything else I tried in the past 42 years.

Part of my quest has been to learn about trauma and trauma disorders. That’s what led me to re-frame a key question.

What everyone has always asked, and what I’ve always wondered is:

What is wrong with me?

-Me, the first 42 years of my life

Current research suggests that when dealing with complex trauma it helps to re-frame the question into:

What happened to me that makes me the way I am?

-Me, the past 3 years

Since childhood, I have been wondering what is wrong with me. I have been told over and over that there’s something wrong with me. Have been punished for saying the wrong things or doing the wrong things. 

It turns out that what is ‘wrong’ with me is that I have perfectly normal reactions to abnormal, traumatic situations. What’s ‘wrong’ with me is that I have never dealt with my traumatic past, just been trying to fix symptoms. Not finding or treating the root causes.

Road to recovery

That’s what I write about in a nutshell: my road to recovery. 

I write:

• Informative articles
• Op-ed pieces
• Personal blog entries
• Articles about advocacy and activism

But mostly I write about human nature and human rights. Because at the end of the day, my complex trauma is just a tiny part of who I am. 

I am a Renaissance Woman and Modern Entrepreneur. An avid reader, amateur writer, patient advocate, and complex trauma experience expert. A lifelong student of human nature and human rights.

My background may be complex. My disease may be complex. My life may be complex.

But at the end of the day, I’m Just Julie. A human being just like you.

Julie Faruba

Julie is a renaissance woman. Mental health patient advocate. Certified compliance professional. Avid reader. Amateur writer. Passionate dancer. Animal friend. Life-long student. Free speech proponent. Human rights champion. Devil’s advocate debater. Complex Trauma Experience Expert.

jsfaruba.com

This article will explore the importance of self-trust and how not having it damages your ability to function.

What is self-trust?

Self-trust is the conviction to be kind to yourself and respectful no matter the outcome of your efforts. Self-trust means you have felt secure in the fact that you can rely on your integrity.

It is critical to have self-trust, be grounded, have confidence in your choices, have clarity in your life, and experience healthy dependency on others. These qualities are not arrogance but speaking from a place of authority, confidence in what you believe and say, and bending and adjusting to new information.

If you experience a healthy self-trust, you are not hard on yourself when you make mistakes, but you allow room for your errors and learn from them.

However, if you lack self-trust, your life will be much different.

How is Self-Trust Affected by Childhood Trauma

So many things in life are affected by experiencing childhood trauma. The brains of children who live through abuse or neglect have structural changes, and many mental health issues also find their beginnings there.

It is no surprise, then, that self-trust is affected as well.

Research conducted by Downey & Crummy in 2022 states:

“Childhood trauma victims exhibit low self-esteem and experience depression and anxiety. Some deny their trauma history, while others create a false self-image and engage in alcohol and drug misuse in an attempt to prevent their traumatic experiences from impacting their life.”

In layperson’s terms, childhood trauma causes low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety, plus forces the victim later in life to seek out substances to aid themselves in keeping the childhood trauma from impacting their life.

Low self-esteem is a big part of having low self-trust, as it is challenging to trust in yourself when you feel bad about who you are and are using substances to hide your feelings of inadequacy.

Chronic self-distrust affects how you view yourself, and with all you come into contact in your life. You may find you are afraid to reach out to others because you don’t trust yourself to choose the right person as a friend or partner. You may hide from the world, not trusting or believing that you can function well enough to get ahead.

Some Signs of Damaged Self-Trust

Trust issues, whether with oneself or others, cause considerable disruptions in your life. Trust issues affect many aspects of your life, including mental and emotional health. Lacking trust in oneself leads to loneliness, isolation, stress, and perfectionism that keep you bound in dread.

Lack of trust in oneself can also lead to developing control issues that negatively affect:

• Friendships
• Your mental health
• Romantic relationships
• Work productivity
• Relationships with your spouse and children

According to an article written by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, the following are also signs that you do not trust yourself.

• You ask opinions from others when you need to make a critical decision.
• You seek reassurance from others instead of listening to your own counsel.
• You are prone to procrastination as you are afraid you’ll make the wrong decision.
• You avoid listening to yourself and instead choose to disconnect.
• You experience tremendous guilt after deciding and fear you have made the wrong choice.
• You ruminate on what might have been if you had walked a different path.
• You compare your decision to the decisions of others.
• You are quick to believe any negative opinion of yourself.
• You underestimate the power of your making choices.

While these signs may describe you perfectly now, they need not run your life in the future.

Ways to Improve Your Self-Trust

Trusting yourself makes it easier to make decisions and reduces your stress levels to moderate levels that you can stand. Even if you have not trusted yourself for decades, you can learn to do so over time.

Below we shall discuss five valuable methods to improve your self-trust.

Try to be yourself. You may find it challenging to be yourself around others because you fear how they will look at you and judge you. Unfortunately, other people will sense your discomfort and distrust.

To mitigate your discomfort and fear, start reminding yourself that it is alright to be you. Practice being yourself in the presence of people you trust first, noting the times you feel uncomfortable and not running away from that feeling but embracing it.

Practice being kind to yourself. Perhaps you know the term “unconditional love,” but did you know you can do so for yourself? What does love for yourself unconditionally look like? You rid yourself of negative thoughts and self-criticism after making an error.

Listen closely to your inner voice to see if it is critical or accepting after you make a mistake. Does your inner critic speak kindly, or is it a mean, vindictive voice?

After you have mastered listening to and correcting your inner critic, you will learn to trust yourself unconditionally, which builds enormous self-confidence.

Make time for yourself. Because you lack trust in yourself, you might feel uncomfortable spending time alone. Perhaps you fill your time by keeping busy by continually being involved in projects with other people. It is critical to end the habit of looking away from yourself for approval and patiently looking inside yourself for it.

One trick you can do is to look inward using meditation. Sit with yourself in a quiet room for 5 minutes each day paying attention to your breath and body. If you experience negative thoughts or criticisms of yourself, acknowledge them and let them go. This crucial one-on-one exercise is critical to building yourself up and filling you with self-trust.

Recognize and build on your strengths. Inevitably, you will be better at some things than others and have a good idea of which things you excel at and which you do not.

Trusting yourself means the ability to do all kinds of things without harsh judgment. It makes sense to do more of the things you excel at and fewer of the ones you do not. Spend lots of time doing the things you are good at to build your trust in yourself because it will help you to understand that you are not a mess, but instead, you are someone who can and will do well at the things where you have strengths. It will also reinforce that, like everyone else, you have weaknesses, which is okay.

Learn to be decisive. When you lack trust in yourself, you question your actions and decisions or who you are, which can be painful. Build trust in yourself by stopping your questioning every decision you make. Instead, make a choice and own it, even if it turns out to be wrong. Learn there is no good can come from beating yourself up over wrong decisions.

The best choices are made after having learned from a mistake. In learning from your mistakes, you will believe you will make better choices next time and move on quickly.

Mental Health Awareness Month

May is a good month to work on trusting yourself as we celebrate mental health awareness month. First celebrated in 1949, it was started by the Mental Health America organization that was then called the National Committee for Mental Hygiene, then later the National Mental Health Association. This month is an excellent opportunity to spread the word that mental health is physical health, as it all concerns how the brain functions. Doing so will help end the stigma associated with having a mental illness and bring it out of the darkness into the light of day.

It is vital to remember that having a mental health condition is not a death sentence. You can and will overcome problems with your mental health if you reach out for and receive the help you need.

There are many numbers you can call or text to receive immediate help if you find yourself in a mental health crisis. However, if you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, you cannot wait. Please call 911 immediately or get to the nearest emergency room.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, help is available by calling 988, where you will be able to speak to a trained crisis counselor 24/7. The service is free, and no police will be called unless your particular situation warrants it.

The SAMHSA helpline is available 24/7 and is also free and confidential. Through this helpline, you can receive a treatment referral and information about mental health and substance abuse disorders, prevention, and recovery in both English and Spanish. The numbers to call or text are listed below.

• Call: 1-800-662-4357
• TTY: 1-800-487-4889
• Text your ZIP code to 435748
• Visit SAMHSA’s National Helpline

Ending Our Time Together

When considering self-trust, you must think about how you treat yourself. Do you talk verbally about yourself in a negative fashion? Do you treat yourself the way you treat other people?

To improve your mental health status, it is first vital to consider loving and trusting yourself unconditionally. While that may sound frightening, you must remember that you are just as capable as anyone else and that your thoughts and decisions are valid.

“What the mind can conceive and believe, and the heart desire, you can achieve.”
― Norman Vincent Peale

“Self-trust is the essence of heroism.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

References

Downey, C., & Crummy, A. (2022). The impact of childhood trauma on children’s well-being and adult behavior. European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 6(1), 100237.

Please consider visiting my blog about dissociative identity disorder and complex trauma. Thank you.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

In this article, we shall explore paths to healing and hope.

The Connection Between Alcoholism and Childhood Trauma

Drinking alcohol alone does not harm children. However, when drinking alcohol becomes an addiction, the behaviors, and circumstances of the adult and ultimately their children are changed for the worst.

The impact of growing up in a home with one or more alcoholics reverberates throughout an adult’s life. Research is clear that there is a link between growing up in a household with alcoholics and the potential for trauma to children.

There are many different forms of trauma experienced by children of alcoholic parents, including the following.

Chronic Trauma. While many alcoholics are not violent, some are, and this behavior affects children significantly. Chronic trauma can develop due to neglect, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, and domestic violence.

Complex Trauma. Often, children feel trapped and unable to escape from families caught up in the tragedy of alcoholism in their families. This sense of being trapped undermines a child’s sense of safety in the world and begins a lifetime of exhausting hypervigilance, where they constantly monitor their environment for possible threats.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). ACEs cover an extensive range of situations where children directly face lousy behavior by their parents while growing up. Alcoholism is one of these adverse childhood experiences, and it can disrupt the normal development of coping skills. Children growing up in an alcoholic home will experience in adulthood many adverse effects.

Some of The Symptoms of Being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA)

Being an adult child of an alcoholic leaves the person reeling and looking for answers. Sometimes ACOAs become alcoholics themselves or use other drugs to ease their pain, which is a remnant of growing up in an alcoholic home.

Some of the most common symptoms that adult children of alcoholics experience are as follows.

A Need for Control. Because their world was chaotic and out of control growing up, ACOAs tend to want to control and hyper-focus on controlling their behavior and those around them. As you might imagine, being a control freak can lead to problems with intimate relationships.

Hypervigilance. Often, people who grew up in an alcoholic home are hypervigilant and constantly alert for danger. Being aware of everything going on in the environment stems from the shame and pain experienced in childhood. While hypervigilance is a coping mechanism, it becomes a liability in adulthood when one is constantly waiting for someone to attack or something terrible to happen.

Difficulty Dealing with Emotions. Growing up in an alcoholic home meant the children learning to hide their emotions such as sadness, anger, and shame. Because of this stuffing of emotions in childhood, many ACOAs find they cannot express positive emotions.

Having Low Self-Esteem. Adult children of alcoholics often have a low sense of self-esteem and self-worth. ACOAs often feel very uncomfortable when receiving recognition or praise, even when these two things are precisely what they are seeking. Adult children of alcoholics can be sensitive to any type of perceived negative feedback or criticism, leaving them suspicious of anyone who offers them a critique of what they are doing.

Mental and Physical Health Problems. Trauma, such as growing up in an alcoholic home, can leave the adult child of an alcoholic in isolation and at higher risk for depression. Growing up in an alcoholic home can also lead to poor self-care routines leaving the person open for disease.

Healing from Parental Alcoholism

Just because a person grew up living under the effects of parental alcoholism does not mean they cannot thrive in adulthood. ACOAs can change their lives by beginning a new chapter in their life to experience hope, love, and joy.

The journey adult children of alcoholics have traveled until they begin healing may seem complicated and difficult, but healing is not only possible but is probable.

Children of alcoholic parents deserve and have the fundamental right to confront their past, speak honestly of its impact, and make a better future for themselves.

For instance, survivors of alcoholic homes need to find a safe place to talk about what they have experienced.

There are support groups, such as Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics, that exist to help people who have experienced the effects of living with an alcoholic through the use of a twelve-step program similar to that of Alcoholics Anonymous. Also, one must not forget that seeking out professional therapy from a counselor or therapist can help incredibly. In therapy, one might discover a great deal about oneself in overcoming the side-effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.

Getting treatment for any addictions the adult child of an alcoholic has formed is vital to healing. To continue to abuse oneself only carries on the legacy of those who hurt you and gives them power over your life even if they are now deceased.

Identifying and questioning one’s beliefs about oneself is also critical to healing. As ACOAs begin to talk openly about what happened to them, they will discover they harbor beliefs based on what they experienced in childhood that has been internalized. Below is a shortlist of some of these false beliefs:

“My needs are not as important as those of other people.”

“I’m not enough.”

“Nothing ever changes.”

“I do not deserve to be happy.”

Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is also critical to healing, as one can fight off anyone who would interfere with your healing. As an adult, ACOAs have the right to build boundaries and expect others to observe them, even the person’s parents.

Finally, healing involves practicing new life skills that were not formed while growing up in an alcoholic home. With the help of a counselor or therapist, anyone can learn how to live an adult life in an effective and fulfilling way. Some of the skills you can learn include:

• Saying no to other people without any guilt
• Making important decisions without doubting oneself
• Solving problems with mental clarity
• Asking for what you need and want
• Engaging with the world in a proactive way
• Standing up for oneself
• Regulating one’s emotions
• Finding humor in life’s challenges
• Understanding that life isn’t easy or fair for anyone, not just you

Learning life skills will help accomplish much as you learn to live without unreasonable fear or disappointment with yourself.

Thriving as a Mature Adult Who Grew Up in an Alcoholic Home

Your life today is entirely up to you. No matter where you have been or what has happened to you, your happiness depends solely on what you wish your life to be and not on anyone else’s opinion of what you should look like.

It is vital to remember that you are not alone. Many people, including celebrities such as Halle Berry, grew up in families affected by alcoholism. Indeed, a 2019 study revealed that one in five American adults has grown up with an alcoholic in their home. Millions of people experience long-term effects from living in an alcoholic home, including mood disorders like depression, anxiety, and the risk of substance abuse.

One cannot go back in time to change the behaviors of the people you grew up with. The only path towards healing involves seeking treatment and advocating for change.

Adult children of alcoholic parents are resilient, thriving in the wake of the conflict they experienced when they were children, and it is time that you utilize that resilience to change your life for the better and become a thriver.

“The journey is never-ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment.” Antonio Brown

“If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.” William J. Clinton

CPTSD Foundation Awareness Wristbands

Official CPTSD Foundation wristbands to show the world you support awareness, research, and healing from complex trauma.

The official CPTSD Foundation wristbands were designed by our Executive Director, Athena Moberg, to promote healing and awareness benefits all survivors. We hope you’ll consider purchasing one for yourself and perhaps one for a family member, friend, or other safe people who could help raise awareness for complex trauma research and healing.

Each purchase of $12 helps fund our scholarship program, which provides access to our programs and resources to survivors in need.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/cptsd-awareness-wristband/

Do you like to color, paint, sew, arts & crafts? How about drawing, model building, or maybe cross stitch? Whatever creative activity you prefer, come, and join us in the Weekly Creative Group. Learn more at https://cptsdfoundation.org/weeklycreativegroup

As always, if you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Text

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

This article will focus on alcoholism, its causes, including genetic links that cause a person to be more susceptible to forming it.

A Closer Look at Normal vs. Abnormal Alcohol Intake

There are people who can drink alcohol and have no adverse reactions to it. Perhaps they drink a glass of wine at dinner or have liquor at a wedding; these are events where alcohol use is considered “normal,” for lack of a better word. Drinking alcohol in moderation is not harmful to a healthy adult. Moderate drinking means that adults consume two or fewer drinks in a day for men and one or less in a day for women.

In the United States, a drink contains 0.6 ounces of pure alcohol and can be generally found in:

• 12-ounces of beer (5% alcohol content).
• 8-ounces of malt liquor (7% alcohol content).
• 5-ounces of wine (12% alcohol content).
• 5-ounces of 80-proof (40% alcohol content) distilled spirits or liquor (e.g., gin, rum, vodka, whiskey).

Anything above these limits can cause damage to the liver and central nervous system.

Some people should never drink alcohol, including pregnant or nursing women, people under the legal age for their state, people who are on some prescription and over-the-counter drugs, living with certain medical conditions, and recovering from alcohol abuse disorder.

Excessive drinking includes binge drinking, heavy drinking, and drinking by people who should not consume alcohol, as listed above. Binge drinking is the most common form of excessive drinking and includes women drinking four or more drinks on a specific occasion or men consuming five or more drinks on certain occasions.

Heavy drinking is defined as drinking eight drinks or more per week for women and fifteen or more drinks for men per week. Most people who drink excessively are not considered alcoholics; however, they are in great danger of becoming one.

Alcohol Abuse Disorder

Alcoholism, like many other addiction problems, can be mild, moderate, or severe, and the difference is the number of symptoms that are experienced. Some of the symptoms of alcohol use disorder are listed below:

• Wishing to limit how much is drank or making unsuccessful attempts to do so
• Spending a significant amount of time obtaining alcohol, drinking, and recovering from alcohol use
• Being incapable of limiting the amount of alcohol you drink
• Feeling cravings for alcohol or a strong urge to drink
• Failing to fulfill obligations to family and work
• Giving up on or reducing work activities and hobbies
• Continuing to drink even though it is causing social, interpersonal, or physical problems
• Developing a tolerance to alcohol, so you need more to feel tipsy or drunk
• Using alcohol while driving or other unsafe situations
• Experiencing withdrawal when alcohol is not available
• Drinking to avoid withdrawal

Not every person who has alcohol use disorder often includes periods of intoxication followed by symptoms of withdrawal. However, if you are exhibiting any of the symptoms listed above, please, seek help.

The Dangers of Alcoholism to the Alcoholic

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in the United States has a ton of information about alcoholism and its effects on the human body and the person’s personal safety, and the safety of others.

Alcohol depresses the central nervous system, with the initial reaction being stimulation followed by sedation. Drinking too much affects one’s speech, muscle coordination, and some vital centers in the brain. Too much alcohol drank in a binge can cause a life-threatening coma or even death, especially when mixed with some prescription drugs you have been taking.

According to the CDC, excessive drinking reduces a person’s judgment and lowers their inhibitions leading to poor choices and dangerous situations. They listed many of these dangers, and I quote them below.

• Motor vehicle accidents and other types of accidental injury, such as drowning
• Relationship problems
• Poor performance at work or school
• Increased likelihood of committing violent crimes or being the victim of a crime
• Legal problems or problems with employment or finances
• Problems with other substance use
• Engaging in risky, unprotected sex, or experiencing sexual abuse or date rape
• Increased risk of attempted or completed suicide

There are many physical impacts that are caused by drinking too much alcohol on a single occasion or over time that, according to the CDC, include the following:

Liver disease. Heavy drinking can cause increased fat in the liver (hepatic steatosis), inflammation of the liver (alcoholic hepatitis), and over time, irreversible destruction and scarring of liver tissue (cirrhosis).

Digestive problems. Heavy drinking can result in inflammation of the stomach lining (gastritis) and stomach and esophageal ulcers. It can also interfere with the absorption of B vitamins and other nutrients. Heavy drinking can damage your pancreas or lead to inflammation of the pancreas (pancreatitis).

Heart problems. Excessive drinking can lead to high blood pressure and increases your risk of an enlarged heart, heart failure, or stroke. Even a single binge can cause a severe heart arrhythmia called atrial fibrillation.

Diabetes complications. Alcohol interferes with the release of glucose from your liver and can increase the risk of low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). This is dangerous if you have diabetes and are already taking insulin to lower your blood sugar level.

Sexual function and menstruation issues. Excessive drinking can cause erectile dysfunction in men. In women, it can interrupt menstruation.

Eye problems. Over time, heavy drinking can cause involuntary rapid eye movement (nystagmus) as well as weakness and paralysis of your eye muscles due to a deficiency of vitamin B-1 (thiamin). If not promptly treated, a thiamin deficiency can also be associated with other brain changes, such as irreversible dementia.

Congenital disabilities. Alcohol use during pregnancy may cause miscarriage. It may also cause fetal alcohol syndrome, resulting in giving birth to a child with physical and developmental problems that last a lifetime.

Bone damage. Alcohol may interfere with the production of new bone; this loss can lead to thinning bones (osteoporosis) and an increased risk of fractures. Alcohol can also damage bone marrow, which makes blood cells. This can cause a low platelet count, which may result in bruising and bleeding.

Neurological complications. Excessive drinking can affect your nervous system, causing numbness and pain in your hands and feet, disordered thinking, dementia, and short-term memory loss.

Weakened immune system. Excessive alcohol use can make it harder for your body to resist disease, increasing your risk of various illnesses, especially pneumonia.

Increased risk of cancer. Long-term, excessive alcohol use has been linked to a higher risk of many cancers, including mouth, throat, liver, esophagus, colon, and breast cancers. Even moderate drinking can increase the risk of breast cancer.

Medication and alcohol interactions. Some medications interact with alcohol, increasing its toxic effects. Drinking while taking these medications can either increase or decrease their effectiveness or make them dangerous.

Alcoholism May Be Hereditary

While people drink alcohol for many reasons, research such as that reported in Nature Reviews Gastroenterology & Hepatology show that:

“Abundant evidence indicates that alcoholism is a complex genetic disease, with variations in a large number of genes affecting risk.” (Edenberg & Foroud, 2013)

The research has found specific genes responsible for the metabolism of alcohol, which is affected and can be passed down from parent to child.

There is also evidence to suggest that the secretion and uptake of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good, is also genetically altered, leaving a person with a lowered ability to properly metabolize alcohol (Lovinger, 1997).

Alcohol is genetically linked to the person and leaves them without the ability to fight off the urge to drink.

People who suffer from alcohol abuse disorder are not bad people; they are people with a bad disease. This is an explanation, not an excuse for their behavior.

Children of alcoholic parents grow up with a myriad of problems that would never have formed had their parents not drank.

Drinking alcohol, at least in the beginning, for alcoholics is a choice. However, after they are in full-blown alcohol use disorder, it becomes difficult, if not dangerous, for them to stop cold turkey. They need the assistance of a trained medical staff to avoid them dying from the withdrawal.

Alcoholism is an acute disease that breaks up relationships and leaves children reeling in the behaviors they observe and how they are treated and may grow up to become alcoholics themselves.

It is time to end the demonizing of alcoholics and bring this common problem out of the shadows so their drinking may stop and the terrible effects on their children will end.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Don’t let the past steal your present.” – Terri Guillemets

References

Edenberg, H. J., & Foroud, T. (2013). Genetics and alcoholism. Nature Reviews Gastroenterology & Hepatology, 10(8), 487-494.

Lovinger, D. M. (1997). Serotonin’s role in alcohol’s effects on the brain. Alcohol health and research world, 21(2), 114.

CPTSD Foundation Awareness Wristbands

Official CPTSD Foundation wristbands to show the world you support awareness, research, and healing from complex trauma.

The official CPTSD Foundation wristbands were designed by our Executive Director, Athena Moberg, to promote healing and awareness benefits all survivors. We hope you’ll consider purchasing one for yourself and perhaps one for a family member, friend, or other safe people who could help raise awareness for complex trauma research and healing.

Each purchase of $12 helps fund our scholarship program, which provides access to our programs and resources to survivors in need.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/cptsd-awareness-wristband/

If you’ve been wondering how our programs work, now you can try out a free sample to see if they’re right for you. We’d love to have you join us in our safe healing space.

You are always worth healing!

Do you like to color, paint, sew, arts & crafts? How about drawing, model building, or maybe cross stitch? Whatever creative activity you prefer, come and join us in the Weekly Creative Group. Learn more at https://cptsdfoundation.org/weeklycreativegroup

As always, if you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up; we will be glad to help you.  If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Growing Into Adulthood in an Alcoholic or Other Dysfunctional Home

Complex Trauma and CPTSD in Dysfunctional Homes

How is CPTSD Different from PTSD?

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com