The fawn response is the least recognized of the four primary trauma reactions: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. While the first three are more familiar in both psychology and pop culture, fawning often flies under the radar because it doesn’t look like fear. It looks like being helpful, agreeable, and selfless. But under the surface, it’s a survival strategy wired into the nervous system to avoid conflict, maintain attachment, and stay safe.

What Is the Fawn Response?

Coined by therapist Pete Walker, the fawn response refers to a trauma-driven pattern of people-pleasing behaviors designed to diffuse danger when the brain senses threat, especially social or relational threat. The survivor may instinctively placate, appease, or over-accommodate.

Research in polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps explain why this happens. When fight, flight, or freeze aren’t viable options—as is often the case in childhood trauma, domestic violence, or institutional abuse—the nervous system defaults to fawning to stay safe. It’s a biologically embedded attempt to maintain a connection with those who may also be the source of a threat.

What begins as a protective strategy becomes a deeply ingrained personality pattern. Over time, many survivors confuse the fawn response with their identity, unaware that their constant accommodating is actually trauma playing out in slow motion.

What It Looks Like in Real Life

People who operate from the fawn response often exhibit:

• Chronic people-pleasing and approval-seeking
• Avoidance of conflict at any cost
• Over-apologizing, even when not at fault
• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
• Struggling to set or enforce boundaries
• Difficulty identifying their own needs

These patterns are often rewarded in society—especially in women and marginalized groups—which makes them even harder to detect. Being seen as “nice,” “helpful,” or “loyal” can reinforce fawning behaviors that are actually rooted in fear, not authenticity.

In professional settings, fawning might look like never saying no to extra tasks, tolerating mistreatment from superiors, or downplaying achievements to avoid attention. In relationships, it can manifest as staying silent about unmet needs, walking on eggshells, or becoming emotionally invisible to preserve peace.

The Psychological Toll of Fawning

Though it appears calm on the surface, the fawn response takes a significant psychological toll. It can lead to:

• Emotional exhaustion and burnout
• Resentment and repressed anger
• Identity erosion (not knowing who you are without others’ needs guiding you)
• Depersonalization or dissociation
• Anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD

Long-term fawning also inhibits healing. It keeps survivors locked in trauma-informed behavior patterns that prevent true emotional intimacy and self-trust. While other trauma responses may draw more attention, fawning quietly corrodes a survivor’s sense of agency.

Why It’s So Hard to Recognize

Unlike fight or flight, fawning is socially rewarded. Kindness is a virtue, and empathy is crucial in any society—but when those traits are compulsively used to manage fear or prevent abandonment, they become survival tools, not values. That distinction is subtle but critical.

Trauma-informed behavioral profiling shows that fawning is not about being nice—it’s about being safe. Survivors may feel discomfort when praised for being “so easy to work with” or “always willing to help,” because somewhere inside, they know the behavior isn’t truly a choice.

Fawning is often misdiagnosed as low self-esteem or social anxiety. In reality, it’s a deeply rehearsed pattern born from environments where saying no, expressing anger, or having needs led to punishment or withdrawal.

Pathways to Recovery

Healing from the fawn response requires more than setting boundaries. It requires reclaiming the nervous system’s sense of safety.

Some strategies include:

• Working with trauma-informed professionals who understand CPTSD and the fawn response
• Learning to tolerate the discomfort of healthy conflict
• Rebuilding connection to one’s own preferences, needs, and limits
• Somatic practices to regulate the nervous system
• Reframing self-worth as intrinsic, not earned through service or sacrifice

True kindness is not self-erasure. It’s grounded in authenticity, not appeasement.

Closing Thoughts

Many survivors live decades unaware that their most praised traits—generosity, agreeableness, and loyalty—may actually be coping mechanisms forged in trauma. The fawn response isn’t who you are. It’s survival skills – that is, what you learned to do to stay alive.

Recognizing this pattern isn’t about shame—it’s about clarity. And with clarity comes the quiet power to rewire the fear-driven patterns and rebuild a life led by choice, not compulsion.

This isn’t about fixing your personality. It’s about finally hearing your own voice underneath the noise of survival.

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Dr. Mozelle Martin

Dr. Mozelle Martin is a retired trauma therapist and former Clinical Director of a trauma center, with extensive experience in forensic psychology, criminology, and applied ethics. A survivor of childhood and young adulthood trauma, Dr. Martin has dedicated decades to understanding the psychological and ethical complexities of trauma, crime, and accountability. Her career began as a volunteer in a women’s domestic violence shelter, then as a SA hospital advocate, later becoming a Crisis Therapist working alongside law enforcement on the streets of Phoenix. She went on to earn an AS in Psychology, a BS in Forensic Psychology, an MA in Criminology, and a PhD in Applied Ethics, ultimately working extensively in forensic mental health—providing psychological assessments, intervention, and rehabilitative support with inmates and in the community. A published author and lifelong student of life, she continues to explore the relationship and crossovers of forensic science, mental health, and ethical accountability in both historical and modern contexts.

www.InkProfiler.com

Our workplace behaviors often serve as a reflection of our personal histories. For many, unresolved childhood trauma subtly influences the way they interact with colleagues, handle responsibilities, and manage challenges. While the effects of trauma are deeply personal and vary from person to person, there are common patterns that can emerge in professional environments. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward fostering understanding, empathy, and healthier work dynamics.

In this article, we’ll explore how past trauma can shape workplace behaviors, identify key signs to watch for, and offer practical strategies for fostering a healthier relationship with work. Whether you’re recognizing these patterns in yourself or others, this guide will help you better understand the hidden impact of trauma and provide tools to navigate it effectively.

The Invisible Impact of Childhood Trauma

Trauma doesn’t remain confined to the past – it shapes our perceptions, coping mechanisms, and relationships. At work, these influences may appear in ways that are often misinterpreted as personality quirks or professional shortcomings. However, these behaviors are often survival strategies that individuals have carried with them since childhood.

Here are some of the ways childhood trauma can manifest in the workplace:

• The burden of excessive independence
• Overextending beyond your limits
• The inability to set boundaries
• Perfectionism and the fear of failure
• Struggles with trust and authority

The Burden of Excessive Independence

A strong sense of independence can appear admirable, but for some, it stems from a deep fear of relying on others. Individuals who experience this may avoid asking for help or delegating tasks, believing that doing so could inconvenience their colleagues or expose perceived vulnerabilities. For instance, consider an employee who insists on handling every aspect of a project on their own, even to the point of exhaustion. This excessive self-reliance might mask an underlying belief that seeking assistance is a sign of weakness.

Pushing Yourself Past Your Limits

Many individuals with a history of trauma struggle to prioritize their own needs. They may feel compelled to take on more responsibilities than they can manage, often running on empty while continuing to give to others. This pattern may stem from a desire to feel valued or avoid feelings of rejection. Picture a colleague who constantly volunteers for new projects, even when their plate is already full. Despite the strain, they push forward, often neglecting their well-being in the process.

Struggling to Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining balance and protecting one’s mental health, but for some, the fear of disappointing others can make it difficult to say no. These individuals might take on additional tasks or responsibilities, even at the cost of their own energy and peace of mind. Imagine an employee who agrees to lead a major project despite being overwhelmed with other commitments. Their inability to decline may stem from a deep-seated fear of letting others down or being perceived as unreliable.

The Drive for Perfection and Fear of Failure

For many people, childhood trauma instills a relentless fear of failure. This can manifest as perfectionism in the workplace – a need to exceed expectations in order to feel secure or worthy. While striving for excellence is not inherently bad, it can become unhealthy when driven by anxiety or self-doubt. An employee caught in this cycle might spend hours perfecting minor details or overanalyzing feedback, often at the expense of their mental health and productivity.

Struggles with Trust and Authority

Past experiences with unreliable or controlling figures can lead to difficulties in trusting authority or colleagues. This may cause individuals to question others’ motives or avoid collaboration, even when it is unnecessary. For example, someone who struggles with trust might hesitate to share ideas in meetings or prefer to work alone, fearing that their contributions won’t be valued or respected.

How to Support Yourself or Others

Recognizing these behaviors as potential signs of trauma is a powerful step toward understanding yourself and others. By addressing these patterns and seeking support, individuals can begin to break free from the shadows of trauma and create a more balanced and fulfilling professional life. If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey of recovery, consider joining TAR Anon™, powered by STAR Network™. 

TAR Anon is a free, safe, online, and anonymous worldwide program dedicated to providing emotional regulation, co-regulation, and healing from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

Through research-based Steps, Promises, and the support of trained mentors, TAR Anon offers a compassionate community where you can connect with others, access valuable resources, and share your experiences – all at NO COST. 

You’ll find a space for support, understanding, and growth.

The STAR Network and TAR Anon invite you to become part of a supportive community where healing becomes possible. 

Together, we can transform childhood mirages into real oases of hope and resilience. Join TAR Anon and take the next step in your recovery today.

Photo by Desola Lanre-Ologun on Unsplash

STAR Network

STAR Network, is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization committed to Support, Treatment, and Prevention of Narcissistic Abuse and Attachment Disorders. Narcissistic abuse is one of the most devastating triggers for CPTSD, robbing survivors of their authenticity. STAR Network empowers STARs (Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships) with its transformational program, TAR Anon™. STAR Network is the leading global trauma support network, offering free resources to heal individuals and families impacted by trauma, PTSD and CPTSD. Their mission is to transform lives, reduce relapse rates, and create a lasting, inclusive community of support.

https://starnetwork.org/

https://drjamie.com/

https://taranon.org/

https://tartales.org/

As a complex trauma therapist and advocate, I dedicate time to researching and seeking innovative ideas and tools to enhance healing for my clients. I know that many well-meaning suggestions can get too complicated and time-consuming. I was attending one of Deb Dana’s trainings where she introduced the concept of glimmers.  I immediately loved it and started sharing it with all of my clients. I have also been practicing it myself. I have gotten such good feedback and seen progress unfold, so I am excited to share this with you and the CPTSD community.

Polyvagal Theory developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, offers valuable insights in understanding our nervous system and how it impacts our well-being. Among its many concepts, “glimmers” stand out as powerful micro-moments (15 seconds or so) of connection and safety. The exploration of glimmers has truly captured my attention and yielded remarkable results within my therapy practice. Clients often express that these micro-moments feel authentic and acknowledge their experiences without dismissing or promoting toxic positivity. Glimmers represent those subtle, fleeting moments of positive experiences, resiliency, and regulation. They are the whispers of hope, the sparks of healing potential, and the building blocks of post-traumatic growth.

In this blog article, we will explore what glimmers are, provide real-life examples, and the importance of a daily practice of noticing glimmers.

Understanding Glimmers

Glimmers, as defined by Polyvagal Theory, refer to micro-moments of connection, safety, and positive engagement that can shift our nervous system’s response from defense to calm. These experiences activate the social engagement system, fostering feelings of safety, trust, and well-being. Glimmers can be both subtle and profound, and they play a pivotal role in our overall emotional and physical wellness. While glimmers are all around us, it isn’t always easy to notice them. This is a gentle reminder for everyone.

Examples of Glimmers

We experience more micro-moments of calm (or less activation) in our everyday life than we realize. That first sip of my morning coffee and the sound of the birds chirping outside are my glimmers and have landed so well in my nervous system. I love noticing the bright pink of a flower or sitting on my couch with my cozy green blanket. These are simple but not easy glimmers to notice.

Other examples can be:

• A warm smile from a loved one or a moment of shared laughter can create a profound glimmer.
• Being in the presence of our beloved pets, whose affection and companionship can be soothing and comforting.
• A pleasant scent, such as fresh flowers or a favorite candle, can help create a calming and pleasant atmosphere.
• Experiencing a sense of awe or wonder, such as witnessing a beautiful sunset or listening to a powerful piece of music.
• Engaging in a favorite hobby or activity, such as playing a musical instrument, cooking a favorite meal, crafting, or going for a walk in nature.
• Noticing supportive and empathetic conversations with trusted individuals. This can create a safe space where vulnerability is met with empathy and understanding. These moments of genuine connection can elicit glimmers of emotional safety and validation.
• Experiencing or witnessing acts of kindness and compassion can evoke glimmers. These moments remind us of the goodness in humanity and elicit feelings of safety and connection.
• It’s important to acknowledge that experiencing a decrease in activation or emotional intensity is equally valuable in addition to feelings of safety and connection. Both states are perfectly valid and significant in their own right.

Daily Practice of Noticing Glimmers

Creating the daily practice of noticing and incorporating glimmers has the potential to create significant shifts in our lives. When we intentionally seek and acknowledge these moments, it cultivates a mindset centered around connection, safety, and well-being. This practice gradually rewires our nervous system, leading to increased resilience, better emotional regulation, and improved social interactions. I have witnessed this transformation in many of my clients, family members, and friends.

Conclusion

Glimmers, the micro-moments of connection and safety, possess incredible transformative power. When we find the essence of glimmers and purposefully look for them in our everyday experiences, we can gradually reshape our nervous system’s reactions, nurture resilience, and foster a profound sense of well-being. Remarkably, glimmers are free and available to everyone.

Call to Action

I invite you to start being curious about glimmers and consider integrating the practice of noticing them into your daily life. One way to do this is by keeping a glimmer journal or scrapbook, where you can capture and reflect on these moments. Additionally, the CPTSD Foundation has established a Glimmers group in Circle, where you can connect with me and others, sharing experiences and inspiring one another on our transformative journeys.

References:

Dana, D., & Porges, S. W. (2020). Polyvagal Exercises For Safety And Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company.

Porges, S.W. (2011) The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. Norton, New York.

Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide To The Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power Of Feeling Safe. New York: W.W. Norton.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Erena DiGonis

I am Erena, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Health Coach, and trauma advocate based in New York. I am the founder of a group practice that specializes in working with clients who have anxiety and complex trauma.

As a New York State approved Continuing Education Provider for Social Workers, I am committed to ongoing education and staying up-to-date with the latest research in my field. In addition to treating clients in my practice, I supervise dozens of clinicians and coaches from diverse backgrounds. I have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Psychology Today, Reader’s Digest, Women’s Health, and MEL magazine. I am a proud member of the CPTSD Foundation Advisory Board.

www.ErenaDiGonis.com

“An embodied sense of safety requires both the reduction or resolution of cues of danger and the experience of cues of safety.” (Porges & Lewis 2009)

So how do we begin to feel what we know to be true inside and out and vice versa? The autonomic nervous system is the place to start when healing from trauma and long-term chronic stress. Our autonomic nervous influences every aspect of life, it is embedded in our physiology and physical sensations, our social engagement system, it influences our brain, thoughts, perceptions, emotions, and our ability to feel focused and calm.

Healing from complex trauma is lifelong, there will be moments of great insights and times when life seems unbearable and too much to cope with. Learning how to navigate and experience life after trauma is rooted in reclaiming the Autonomic Nervous System.

This system controls and filters communication from our outside world and body, (80% input from our body to our brain and 20% from our brain to our body). These neurobiological connections shape our world and daily experiences, they either connect us and bring us closer together or separate us from ourselves and others. It shapes how we feel and influences how and what we do.

At the center of the autonomic nervous system is the vagus nerve. Dr. Stephen Porges expanded our understanding of the Autonomic Nervous System relating to Chronic/Trauma stress with Polyvagal Theory in the 1990s. At the core of his discoveries and work is the principle of feeling safe and connected which our nervous system is designed to decide for us. However, we can extend deliberate action and extend control over our nervous system states to allow us to make decisions for ourselves and restore balance to our autonomic nervous system.

To help us begin to support and explore this theory, I would like to share a fundamental practice that I encourage my clients and students to incorporate into their daily life as a resource to help repair the nervous system and support healing. This practice is as important as sipping water before you get thirsty. As you already know, when you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated. By implementing this practice you effectively hydrate your sense of safety.

This is the practice of ‘Micro-Moments of Safety’, stopping to acknowledge and feel the truth of ‘safety in a moment. Your nervous system will forever identify threats and dangers following chronic stress and traumatic experiences which is helpful at the right time for our survival. However, this need not be the case, for you in your life today. Deliberately scanning for available true moments of safety in the present moment helps to dial down the ‘survival response system’, fear and anxiety. 


The realization that situations can be very difficult and emotionally overwhelming, without being unsafe. These micro-moments of safety are gentle, subtle reminders to the nervous system stuck in overdrive, that you are in control and that you can discern the threat and danger level. Research shows that to influence positive change in our brains we must pause to absorb positive experiences for at least 30-60 seconds regularly. Taking in the truth of these micro-moments of safety will help to bring change at a physiological level. This conscious and very deliberate action has the power to create profound shifts in your nervous system states. These moments are vital to soothing the survival/stress response and to support the development of new neural pathways, supporting your healing and growth.

To positively change our autonomic nervous system we need to be able to focus and direct our attention. Dr. Andrew Huberman states
“ Memories are hard to erase, however, the emotional load can be lessened”.

The only way one can experience truth is to be truly present, reshaping the past profiles embedded in our nervous system, lessening the load. By choosing to deliberately and consciously take in all that is true about what is basically ok and safe in the present moment regularly, even if it feels difficult, will create change.

Dr. Andrew Huberman’s research has shown that ‘stress and agitation is the entry point to neuroplasticity’ and that this can begin to change the maps of the brain laid down by previous experiences. Reinforcing positive plasticity, to support healing, rather than over learning from passive plasticity. 


Reinforce this process by writing every night about at least one moment when you felt a sense of safety. Write about how it felt within your body to feel safe? What did you feel? and where within did you feel this sense within you? Was it a deep sigh, a softening of the eyes, less tension in your back, shoulders, and neck, did you nod your head? Could you feel a buzz around your body, a loosening of a gripped hand?. How did this truth change your physiological state?. If you like to draw, add a picture, write a poem, create a mantra, journal, and most importantly begin to share your experiences with people who care about you, who know about your struggles and suffering and that may also be a therapist. The more you do to absorb the experience the deeper it sinks into your nervous system and brain and that is when real changes begin to happen to support your healing.

This does not mean that we ignore feeling scared, fearful, anxious, terrified, and afraid, no. This does not mean that we will never experience a somatic or emotional flashback again, no. It means we hold and nurture how we feel while also redirecting our attention to the truth of the moment. Our nervous system is capable of holding the truth of both the past and the present.

‘Our nervous system is capable of holding both moments of safety and moments of survival’.
Deb Dana, Anchored

By deliberating and purposefully redirecting your attention to the truth of now, the intensity of past experiences can begin to lessen. The nervous system is capable of repairing and we can support and influence this in subtle ways like this.

For many this practice may be very challenging at first, that’s actually considered a good thing in learning terms. As a note of helpful reassurance, the nervous system and brain learn from challenging/stressful experiences quicker and better than it does from more comfortable and easier experiences. When a task requires effort and is even slightly challenging, stress chemicals are released. The stress chemical epinephrine/adrenaline is also a neuromodulator and is actually the gateway to neuroplasticity. Repeatedly doing this practice no matter how challenging it may be, will influence your plasticity to adapt in a positive direction. Forming stronger neural connections for safety and connection over time. The important thing to remember is don’t stop when you start feeling good. The brain will continue to grow in the direction of what you focus your attention on.

For many years you may have heard the statement ‘your attention follows your thoughts’. It might better serve us to rewrite this as our thoughts follow our attention. We can focus our attention, on something and away from thoughts. We can use our sensory awareness, our eyes, ears, sense of smell, touch, and taste to take in ‘micro-moments of safety’.

In summary, the keys to this practice are:
Consciously notice a moment of safety that is true and in the present
Focus your attention here for between 30 to 60 seconds
Feel how this feels in your body
Before bedtime recall it in as much detail as possible
Share your experience with someone, even repeat it to your pet or yourself if you don’t feel there is anyone who you trust to share it with.
As a side note
It is also ok to hone in on and recall one significant moment that really stood out for you when you were in a regulated nervous system state.


If you suffer from chronic/ trauma stress, the limbic/survival system of the brain is primed and will continue to ‘make choices for you’ it will focus only on real or perceived threats and dangers, long after the danger and situation have passed. Leaving you feeling trapped and with feelings that are reliving horrible experiences.

‘The nervous system needs the active appearance and experience of cues of safety.’ (Porges 2015)


The body has a profound influence on the brain and when we repair and recruit the autonomic nervous system we can begin to tolerate levels of arousal that may be triggered. This can help to build a greater sense of agency over your physical, mental, and emotional health and open a doorway to recovery. All with deep tenderness and compassion for oneself.

Roseanne Reilly

Advancing your ability to heal and repair your nervous system

https://www.handsoftimehealing.com/intensivecareprogram 

Roseanne Reilly

Roseanne Reilly DipNUR, APCST, ERYT500hr CEP specializing in Restoring Safety to the Nervous System

Roseanne comes from a Background of Nursing, She is an Advanced CranioSacral Therapist, Experienced Yoga Teacher and Health Educator and contributor to the Nervous System Economy

Roseanne provides research based tools and resources for nervous systems restoration following chronic and trauma stress

She provides insights from her own healing journey towards recovery, through blogs, weekly resources, work shops, courses, 1 to 1 mentoring and small group sessions

Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/in/roseanne-reilly-3014a0200/

website address: https://handsoftimehealing.com/

www.handsoftimehealing.com

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Roseanne Reilly

Roseanne Reilly DipNUR, APCST, ERYT500hr CEP specializing in Restoring Safety to the Nervous System

Roseanne comes from a Background of Nursing, She is an Advanced CranioSacral Therapist, Experienced Yoga Teacher and Health Educator and contributor to the Nervous System Economy

Roseanne provides research based tools and resources for nervous systems restoration following chronic and trauma stress

She provides insights from her own healing journey towards recovery, through blogs, weekly resources, work shops, courses, 1 to 1 mentoring and small group sessions

Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/in/roseanne-reilly-3014a0200/

website address: https://handsoftimehealing.com/

www.handsoftimehealing.com

Fight or flight: the instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away.

**Please be kind to yourself as you read**

I thought I was safe. At four years old, I believed if I couldn’t see you, you couldn’t see me. I had secreted myself away in a nice little spot between the couch and the wall and eagerly stuck my thumb in my mouth. As I closed my eyes, the delicious feeling of numb security washed over me. Though I could hear my mother clattering dishes in the kitchen, she was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, my father was still at work. My eyes blinked open and shut as the very edge of slumber crawled into my mind.

“REBEKAH!”

It was a scream unlike any other; mixed with panic and combined rage. A claw-like hand reached behind the couch and grabbed me by my spaghetti thin arm. I hit my head against the wall as my mother yanked me from my hiding place.

“I TOLD YOU TO STOP SUCKING THAT THUMB!” She gave me a hard shake.

Reality ceased to exist, and I could neither speak nor move as she towered over me. Frozen in the familiar terror of one of my mother’s attacks, she dragged me to the kitchen. “YOU STAND RIGHT THERE.” Rummaging through the cabinet, my mother knocked a bottle of cooking oil to the floor.  She glared at me with an accusing stare. “I’VE TOLD YOU AND TOLD YOU TO STOP SUCKING THAT THUMB!” Her attention turned back to the cabinet. “Here it is. Stick out your hands.” My mother pulled an eye-dropper from a little brown bottle and began to coat my thumbs with noxious hot pepper oil. 

The rest of the afternoon dragged by. Even holding my favorite homemade rag doll brought no comfort. I longed for my little thumb, but I knew what would happen if I put it in my mouth. The burning sensation would last for hours.

Laying in bed that night, a circle of thoughts repeated themselves in my mind. I was bad. I was a bad, bad, bad girl. Sucking your thumb was the worst thing anyone could ever do, and I could not stop no matter how hard I tried. My mother wouldn’t have to yell so much if I would just stop sucking my thumb. I bet my Mama and Daddy wouldn’t whip me so much if I could stop sucking my thumb.

Despite the terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach, it was impossible to stave off sleep. I forgot about the long-lasting pepper oil and unconsciously turned to my only source of comfort. As soon as my thumb touched my tongue, the burning taste brought tears to my eyes. I licked the sheets, but there was no relief.

The terror and confusion of that long-ago childhood lasted far longer than the pepper oil. It became my “way of being” in the world. Hyper-vigilance occurs when the fight or flight response is blocked and is especially complicated for those who have experienced repeated abuse in early childhood. The brain becomes hardwired in its effort to save you from threat and as an adult, you live in fight or flight nearly all the time. In the same way, I blamed thumb-sucking as the source of my suffering, we adults blame ourselves for what is really a physiological response to trauma, not a moral failing.

The fight or flight response can be rewired but it takes dedication, practice, and patience.

Learning to catch triggers early and practicing self-regulation are just some of the tools that can move you away from living in response to threats to living with intentionality. When you understand that fight or flight is a physiological response to trauma, you can take the burning power out of the pepper oil. Put it back in the bottle and close the cabinet door…forever. Don’t give up. You are worth it.

Rebekah Brown, a native of the south, now resides in the Great American West. Surviving a complicated and abusive family system makes her unique writing style insightful as well as uplifting. Rebekah is the proud mother of two and grandmother of four. Her very first novel, The Raspberry House, dealing with narcissistic abuse and every person’s desire to find their heart’s true home, will be released in 2021.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Rebekah Brown

Rebekah Brown, a native of the south, now resides in the Great American West. Surviving a complicated and abusive family system makes her unique writing style insightful as well as uplifting. Rebekah is the proud mother of two and grandmother of four.

Blackbird

Fight or flight: the instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away.

I covered my ears at the deafening sound of the shotgun blast. My father discharged another volley into the treetops. The leaves shook in terror and temporarily moved as one with hundreds of blackbirds as they jockeyed for position. My mother clapped her hands and tried to scare them off as she ran through the yard whooping at the top of her lungs.

The hated Starlings had always been a problem; roosting where they were not wanted, destroying plants, and driving out native nesters like bluebirds and owls. My parents were on a mission to rid our small farm of their destruction. The shriek of the blackbirds was suddenly interrupted by another shotgun blast. Branches swayed as a great cloud of birds took flight.

Afraid of the gun, the terror of the birds, and my parent’s anger, I ran inside our old farmhouse. Crouched behind the sofa in the family room, I tried to catch my breath covering my ears and waiting for the sounds to stop. All grew silent. I felt sorry for the birds. Hated and harassed, I knew what it was like to be despised for existing.

A strange rustling stirred from the fireplace. I peeked around the sofa. Cold and dark, it was impossible to see anything. I looked harder. A flash of an eye, a soot-covered feather! My heart leaped to my throat. One poor blackbird had fallen down the chimney directly into the lair of the very people who were trying to destroy it. Glancing toward the front door and seeing nothing, I then looked back at the bird. It cocked its head in a silent plea.

The door slammed as my parents entered the house. With a wild flap of its wings, the terrified creature dashed itself against the stones blowing ash and soot into the room through the fireplace screen. Able to offer nothing but pity, I watched in helpless silence. My mother screamed for my father and they began a mad pursuit. First, trying to kill the bird with a broom handle, then, trying to catch it in a paper bag. Tears dripped down my face as I witnessed the bird’s futile attempt at escape. It lay among the ashes opening and closing its beak, too exhausted to continue the fight. This is what it feels like when the protective response of fight or flight is blocked. We are trapped in feelings of panic and terror and giving up seems like the only option.

When I began this journey of healing, I felt as helpless as that blackbird trapped in our farmhouse fireplace all those years ago. I used to laugh at the advocates of “deep breathing” and “body relaxation.” I scoffed at the use of yoga and the idea that the horrible terror fueling my depression and anxiety could ever be resolved by understanding what was physically going on in my body.

We are not crazy or bad or wrong. Our brain is responding to threat, even if that threat is coming from the past. Forward Facing Trauma Therapy gives us the tools to restore our brain to a state of harmony, aligning our behavior with our values and giving us the power to identify and manage triggers.

I am not condemned to live in a cycle of reflexive reaction to trauma. I can live an intentional life and cultivate the skills I need to bring myself into the present. To be at peace. To live the life I want to live instead of the horror I lived through. I can have boundaries. I can say no. I can be set free.

I didn’t follow my father as he took the blackbird outside. I knew even if it managed to fly away, the blackbird probably wouldn’t live. I survived the terror of my childhood and as such, have been given a choice the blackbird never had. Will I give up and allow trauma to terrorize me or will I turn toward life?

I choose life.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Rebekah Brown

Rebekah Brown, a native of the south, now resides in the Great American West. Surviving a complicated and abusive family system makes her unique writing style insightful as well as uplifting. Rebekah is the proud mother of two and grandmother of four.

Adverse childhood experiences tie into toxic stress and both can cause considerable harm to both children and again when these kids grow to become adults.

This article will explore the connection between toxic stress, ACEs, and how understanding them through the polyvagal theory can help us to find ways to defeat them.

What is Toxic Stress?

Childhood should be a time of playtime, learning, and laughter but too often it is filled with fear and helplessness. When children experience frequent and prolonged stress, such as occurs with being physically, mentally, or sexually abused, they will exhibit what is known as the toxic stress response. This is especially true if there is no adult support or intervention.

The toxic stress response happens because of the stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system and a cascade of neurological, endocrine, and immune responses that produce physiological effects.

Under extreme and repeated stress, the child’s cortisol level is persistent and causes a permanent inflammatory response that can harm their organs even after the abuse has stopped. (Franke, 2014)

The Effects of Toxic Stress on Children and Adults

Under normal circumstances, children exposed to stress will respond positively after the stress is over by their body’s sympathetic nervous system returning to baseline. However, if the body is not capable of returning to baseline, the toxic stress response can become permanent and cause numerous health problems later in adulthood.

The adverse health effects may include:

• Poor coping skills
• Mental illness
• Physical illnesses such as cancer, diabetes, and obesity
• Maladaptive coping skills
• Poor stress management

(Shank, et. al. 2012)

One of the most dramatic and tragic physical changes that occur as a result of toxic stress is how it changes the child’s brain. Having the brain awash in stress hormones such as cortisol can and does do damage to the brain cells allowing them to have fewer connections. Fewer connections between neurons signify that the brain cannot develop normally leading to a multitude of problems later in life.

(National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2014)

The Effects of Toxic Stress on Adults (The ACEs Study)

Between the years 1995 to 1997, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention teamed up with Kaiser Permanente to examine how adverse childhood experiences affect people across their lifespan. The research measured the link between adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and outcomes later in life.

In the research, they had over 17,000 participants who completed a simple questionnaire asking for details on their past including any history of abuse, neglect, and family dysfunction plus what types of behavioral and health problems they might have had.

This research demonstrated that childhood stress impacts adult health and show a link between ACEs and a myriad of health problems in adulthood including any if not all of the following:

• Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
• Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
• Depression
• Illicit drug use
• Ischemic heart disease
• Liver disease
• The risk for intimate partner violence
• Multiple sexual partners
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Smoking
• Suicide attempts

(Middlebrooks & Audage, 2008)

Clearly, ACEs and its neighbor toxic stress cause great harm to both the child who is experiencing the trauma and again when they become adults. (Shonkoff, & Garner, 2012)

How Understanding Polyvagal Theory Can Help

Polyvagal theory gives insights into how the human body adapts and responds to stress and danger.

The theory emphasizes how the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems work together to rev us up to run or fight and calms us after the danger has passed. When these two functions are out of whack the body never has the chance to calm down and back to its resting state.

The theory also underscores the fact that physiological states such as fight, or flight support different behaviors and influence how the body responds to future threats. (Porges, 2009)

The understanding of polyvagal theory leads to a better understanding of how childhood trauma leads to behavioral problems in the present as well as problems in the future. This is especially true for pediatricians, therapists, and other caregivers that encounter children regularly because they are the people who can recognize and intervene when children need help. (Beauchaine, Gatzke-Kopp, & Mead, 2007)

How Polyvagal Theory Explains the Long-Term Effects of Toxic Stress

Dr. Porge’s polyvagal theory explains that for a human being, especially a child, to thrive, they must have a sense of safety. Without this unwavering knowledge that they are safe, children develop responses with the autonomic nervous system that are harmful and lifelong.

Without a sense of safety, the amygdala, a small almond two-sided region in the brain, become hypersensitive and sees danger everywhere even when that danger is not real. (Sanders, & Hall, 2018).

For instance, a child is afraid to go to sleep and feels endangered because at night they experience abuse that occurs after the child has fallen asleep. They wake up to have unmentionable things being done to their bodies and learn that being in bed and sleeping is not what they wish to do. Their amygdala, hippocampus, and autonomic nervous system never have the chance to return to baseline thus they feel unsafe all the time.

This inability to feel safe translates into a hypersensitive/hyperalert status leading to mental health problems such as anxiety and panic attacks. It also leads to physical problems such as heart disease or stroke.

In Closing

The only way to defeat an enemy is to recognize it. That is why polyvagal theory is so important as it gives us a window of understanding of the outcomes of toxic stress and adverse childhood experiences that we’ve never had before.

Part four in this series on polyvagal theory will be about using Dr. Porge’s theory to better understand ourselves and to heal from the toxic events of the past.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” ~ Sun Tzu

Resources

Beauchaine, T. P., Gatzke-Kopp, L., & Mead, H. K. (2007). Polyvagal theory and developmental psychopathology: Emotion dysregulation and conduct problems from preschool to adolescence. Biological psychology, 74(2), 174-184.

Franke, H. A. (2014). Toxic stress: effects, prevention, and treatment. Children, 1(3), 390-402.

McLaughlin, K. A., Rith-Najarian, L., Dirks, M. A., & Sheridan, M. A. (2015). Low vagal tone magnifies the association between psychosocial stress exposure and internalizing psychopathology in adolescents. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 44(2), 314-328.

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child Excessive Stress Disrupts the Architecture of the Developing Brain: Working Paper 3. (2014)

Porges, S. W. (2009). The polyvagal theory: new insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleveland Clinic journal of medicine, 76(Suppl 2), S86.

Sanders, M. R., & Hall, S. L. (2018). Trauma-informed care in the newborn intensive care unit: promoting safety, security, and connectedness. Journal of Perinatology, 38(1), 3-10.

Shonkoff, J. P., & Garner, A. S. (2012). Committee on psychosocial aspects of child and family health committee on early childhood, adoption, and dependent care section on developmental and behavioral pediatrics the lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232-e246.

If you or a loved one are living in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. The CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up, we’ll be glad to help you.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

This article will examine the phenomenon of freezing during trauma and how the polyvagal theory explains this lack of the ability to escape.

The Neuroscience of Fear

If more judges and juries were aware of the complicated dance done in the human brain when endangered, perhaps the stigma against survivors would end. But, to understand why survivors freeze when confronted with an attacker they would need to know a little bit of neuroscience.

The brain uses a complicated pathway to respond to a threat by first receiving messages from the senses (sight, smell, taste, hearing). The brain gathers information about the environment the body is in by scanning with the senses continuously throughout the day and night.

The gathered messages are then sent to the thalamus, also known as the relay center of the middle brain. From the thalamus, the signals are routed to the appropriate areas of the brain that involve sensation and movement and the limbic system made up primarily of the amygdala and hippocampus.

The amygdala acts as the brain’s alarm system and is important when humans store away emotion-linked memories. When triggered, the amygdala reads and evaluates the emotional content of the sensory messages it receives from the thalamus especially when they are signals of danger. The amygdala also receives sensory input from the locus coeruleus, a cluster of cells located I the most primitive part of the brain, the brain stem, that acts as a warning system to raise the alarm should danger present itself.

If the locus coeruleus senses danger, it sends a neurotransmitter known as norepinephrine which triggers the amygdala to begin a cascade of effects that turns up the heat and revs the body for the fight/flight/freeze response.

How Does Polyvagal Theory Fit Into the Neuroscience of Fear?

Once the amygdala has sounded the alarm, our brain uses the two branches of the vagus nerve to react to the danger.

First, the sympathetic nervous system revs us up by stealing blood from the rest of the body to be used by the legs and arms to run or fight. However, the dorsal (back) branch of the vagal nerve can cause the person under attack to shut down and freeze and become incapable of movement. The dorsal branch affects everything below the diaphragm including legs, arms, and even digestion.

It should be easy to see that because of the influence of the vagal nerve, people who are deeply traumatized from any type of attack are helpless to control how their body and brain will react. They may fight, flee, or in some instances freeze.

Added to this soup of tragedy is the hippocampal response to the traumatic event.

The hippocampus is responsible for remembering events we encounter in our environment and because of this, not only are we haunted by the visualizations of the trauma, but our bodies store away what happened as well.

Why Can’t Survivors Run Away? What’s Happening?

As was touched on in piece one of this series, the nervous system consists of two systems, one that we control like using our hands and feet, and the other that controls all of our unconscious bodily functions such as breathing and heart rate.

The polyvagal theory focuses on the autonomic nervous system, the part of the nervous system over which we have no conscious control. The two components of the autonomic nervous system are the sympathetic nervous system (what gets us revved up), and the parasympathetic system (what calms us down).

The autonomic nervous system is regulated by the vagal nerve which connects the brain to all the major bodily systems so that all parts of the body and mind can communicate. (Porge, 2009)

Freezing is an ancient and deeply ingrained behavior that evolution has set in our brains leaving us at times vulnerable to attack from other humans.

When we humans feel we are in danger, we attempt to first engage our social skills to feel a sense of connection and safety. However, if fawning fails, humans will begin to respond progressively with the use of our survival strategies one of which is to freeze. While this response is in place, not only are can we become dissociated, but we cannot and will not run from danger.

Please, allow me to restate that. Humans cannot run away when in the throws of the evolutionary response of freezing. Our brain simply will not allow it.

Courtroom Drama, Polyvagal Theory, and Destroyed Lives

Any survivor will tell you that the shame one feels because of how society tends to blame them for their attacker’s behavior is tremendously harmful and hurtful. Not only did they need to survive the trauma of being raped or otherwise abused, but they also found themselves struggling because they finally spoke up about what happened to them.

Part of the freeze response may be that the survivor remains quiet for years before telling what happened to them. This is because the hippocampus forces them to remain silent in a frozen state of fear to speak up. How unfortunate that this inability to tell their story gives fuel to the idea that the survivor is lying when they are telling the truth.

All too often, survivors find themselves on the defensive as people doubt their honesty in relating what happened because they waited or didn’t resist during the attack. Some even go so far as to blame children for not running away or hiding when their attacker approached them.

All of the above behaviors are beyond nonsense. The polyvagal theory states that because of our tendency to freeze when attacked, often adult survivors were unable to run or to resist. And, to blame children who are helpless against an adult rapist is so far beyond ridiculous as to cause this author to feel angry at the thought.

Some survivors decide to take their attackers to court for their behavior only to find themselves in a hostile environment where lawyers are questioning them in manners that are abusive in and of themselves. No one likes to be called a liar, and the toxic shame that such treatment causes further traumatizes the survivor and can and does negatively affect lives.

Healing Can and Will Happen

Although the damage done to the brain of a person who has been traumatized is severe, it can be overcome with a lot of guts, determination, and patience.

The facts are these.

If one wishes to overcome the effects of a severe trauma that happened either in adulthood or childhood (or perhaps both), one cannot just sit and complain but, rather action is required.

Seek out the help of a qualified therapist, preferably one who is trained in trauma-informed care. Even if they have no trauma-informed training, ask relevant questions such as have you experience with people who show my symptoms? Are you trained or have you experience with treating severe trauma and complex post-traumatic stress disorder?

Even if the person you are questioning has no relevant experience (which is uncommon), don’t write them off. Most therapists are willing to learn about and treat the disorders that are caused by severe trauma.

Above all else, remember to hold your head up high. You do not deserve to be shamed or blamed because you were incapable of running away, fighting, or telling on your attacker. You couldn’t. The activity of your brain told your body to freeze and that is exactly what you did.

It was not your fault.

I repeat it was not your fault.

“So change your focus. Instead of focusing on what is causing your misery, try something new: focus on your misery. Focus on the result of what you are doing. Focus on what your pattern and your blame are costing you.” ~ Henry Cloud

Resources

Logue, M. W., van Rooij, S. J., Dennis, E. L., Davis, S. L., Hayes, J. P., Stevens, J. S., … & Korgaonkar, M. (2018). Smaller hippocampal volume in posttraumatic stress disorder: a multisite ENIGMA-PGC study: subcortical volumetry results from posttraumatic stress disorder consortia. Biological psychiatry, 83(3), 244-253.

Porges, S. W. (2009). The polyvagal theory: new insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleveland Clinic journal of medicine, 76(Suppl 2), S86.

Schwartz, A., (2014). Polyvagal theory helps unlock symptoms of PTSD. Retrieved from: https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-polyvagal-theory-and-how-trauma-impacts-the-body/

Scaer, R. (2014). The body bears the burden: Trauma, dissociation, and disease. Routledge.

Wagner, J., (2016). Polyvagal theory in practice. Counseling Today. Retrieved from: https://ct.counseling.org/2016/06/polyvagal-theory-practice/

If you or a loved one are living in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up, we’ll be glad to help you.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com