My answer? I never gave up on me. 

Why? 

Because I wanted me. I wanted to believe I was good, even though I felt worthless. Flute playing helped. As a homeless teen, I carried my flute everywhere. If a place had good reverberation, like an apartment vestibule, I’d take out my flute and play. Shower stalls were good places, too. Rocky canyons, pedestrian underpasses. I couldn’t read music, but I had a good ear and could improvise melodies. Every time I held the flute to my lips, I escaped the pain for a little while, and something beautiful escaped from within me. The music I made was like a life preserver in a tumultuous sea. When I put my flute away, I always felt a little better for a while.

After months of listless wandering about the country as a high school dropout, I realized that was a dead end. I returned home to my mom’s new apartment, my parents were divorced by then, I was enrolled at a new high school, and I joined the band program. Because I couldn’t read music, I sat in the second-to-last chair in the worst band. But I wanted to be good at flute playing, so I asked my mother if I could take private lessons. (She knew nothing about the survival sex or being trafficked, and I didn’t tell her; she didn’t ask.) She said okay. 

It’s amazing how far a little praise and attention goes

I blossomed under the attention of my new flute teacher. It’s amazing how far a little praise and attention go. Under her tutelage, I progressed through the ranks and eventually made it to first chair in concert band, then skipped symphonic band altogether and landed in the honors band. I became co-first chair, soloed with the school orchestra, and earned a music scholarship at DePaul University. That was over fifty years ago. I teach flute to this day.

While flute playing has provided stability over the years, as well as satisfaction, it isn’t the only reason I feel sane and well-adjusted today. Good therapy has been essential. Finding a good therapist takes time. I went through several until landing on one I stayed with off and on for over twenty years. 

I learned that you must interview therapists, try them out for a few sessions, and see if they speak your language. I tried several and was unhappy with all of them. Then I remembered a dream workshop I went to where the speaker, a Jungian analyst, interpreted a recurring nightmare from my childhood that had haunted me for years. She said it was a dream about the imbalance of power: People/things that shouldn’t have power, did (me as a little girl), and people/things that should have power, didn’t (my parents). She said the fact that I remembered it all these years later meant that it still had significance. Boy, did it ever. It became a theme of our working together, uncovering all the ways I was given too much power as a child, all the ways I was treated like an adult when I wasn’t one.

In addition to therapy, many spiritual practices have provided insight into my pain and soul. Growing up, my family didn’t attend church. As an adult, I picked up prayer and meditation on my own. Also, reading tarot cards, the I Ching, Celtic runes, walking a labyrinth, yoga, and qi gong. I practiced Catholicism for a time. Then Unitarian Universalism. You name it, I’ve probably dabbled in it. Then later in life I discovered S-Anon, a Twelve-Step program (which is, essentially, a spiritual program) for those affected by another person’s sexaholism. It has been key in helping me to understand the sexual abuse of my childhood and teen years, and has given me a community of people who share this issue. I am no longer isolated by my memories. 

Working the Steps and Traditions of the Twelve-Step program has enriched me in so many ways. I already believed in a Higher Power, but the words of Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity,” are my rock. It’s a promise that is continually fulfilled. Because let’s face it, even after achieving stability, we all fall apart now and then. But the pieces lay scattered far less longer than they used to, and sometimes, it’s only for moments.

People of integrity who inspire me and give me hope

I also have a deep gratefulness practice. I love the site grateful.org and met the founder, Brother David. I surround myself with, and am attracted to, people who have deep spiritual practices, people I admire and look up to. Lynn Twist, who founded the Soul of Money Institute and the Pachamama Alliance, is another mentor, as is Roshi Joan of the Buddhist Upaya Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. These are people of integrity who inspire me and give me hope.

And so, while I had a rough start in life, as many of us have, I’ve made peace with my past, as I believe we all can. It takes work and dedication—it requires a commitment to ourselves. And it is so worth it. In my Twelve Step program, we end every meeting with the Serenity prayer and these words: “It works if you work it, and you’re worth it, so work it.” 

I am very happy. I have a good life. I’ve done incredibly bad things, have made poor choices, been done to as a victim, and done to others in my pain and rage, but today I am free of all that. Self-forgiveness is key. And I wouldn’t have found self-forgiveness and self-love without hard work, perseverance, and the determination never to give up on myself. 

Through it all, flute playing has been a constant. It still gives me joy. So many things do. But flute playing gave me a goal, something to work towards. I didn’t understand until many years later that I am inherently good, even without being good at playing the flute. I am good because I am me, and I have so much to be grateful for.

As Brother David says, it isn’t happiness that makes me grateful; it is gratefulness that makes me happy. 

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

“At three, I started violin. At five, I started piano. At six, my life fell apart; my family was uprooted, and my mother, brother, and I were left homeless and penniless.”

This final article will focus on the pros and cons of practicing mindfulness and meditation and how to live in the present.

Living in the Now  

Where am I? What are you doing? Who are the people in your life?

That is the first question to ask yourself to see if you need to practice mindfulness and meditation. Are you living today, or are you stuck only concentrating on the past? Many who live with complex post-traumatic stress disorder find they are stuck in what happened or what may happen in the future and completely miss out on today.

People who have survived childhood trauma often find themselves in a constant state of stress because memories bombard them and worry. Learning how to live in the moment means you take the time to appreciate what you are doing, where you are, and who are the people in your life. You must learn how to live in the moment instead of becoming caught up in the worry of tomorrow or the things that happened in the past.

It is time to concentrate on the now, in the moment, and savor each moment you live in as it passes. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t here yet, we only have now.

The Pros of Living a Meditative and Mindful Life

While many are skeptical of practicing meditation and mindfulness, those who do notice many benefits. Let’s have a look at the pros of meditation and mindfulness.

• Increased concentration and focus.
• Overall improved mood.
• Reduces stress.
• Enhanced memory.
• Causes improvement in listening skills.
• An increased ability to distinguish what is essential to their life.
• Better relationships.
• Improved ability to let go.

By engaging fully in your life, you will experience more joy and happiness as you allow life to unfold as it will instead of you attempting to force it to be what you want. That may sound counterproductive, but the thought that you have complete control over your life is an illusion. No one can control what the future brings.

That being said, you can make provisions for the future, but there is no guarantee you will live past today.

Can you see it? We are, but mortal creatures who must live in a sea of uncertainty, and mindfulness and meditation allow us to control our worrying because right now, in this moment, things are okay. If they are not okay in this moment, mindfulness and meditation can help you to get and remain grounded as you work through whatever it is you are suffering in the now.

The Cons of Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation practices are suitable for the majority of those who practice it. However, 37% of those who have tried mindfulness and meditation have negatively impacted their daily functioning, with 6% of participants experiencing lasting adverse effects for over a month.

One possible negative effect of meditation is that harmful and distressing memories may surface, accompanied by the emotions that surround the event. Another con is that meditation and mindfulness can cause some people to experience damage to their sense of self.

Other adverse experiences from mindful meditation are below:

• Meditation can promote negative thinking.
• Meditation can interrupt your sensory perceptions of the world around you.
• Some people lose their motivation.
• Mindfulness experiences can make one disregard their gut instincts.
• Meditation can dysregulate one’s sleep/wake cycle by causing energy problems.

It is vital to remember that the people who experience adverse effects from mindfulness and meditation are a small sample of those who find it helpful.

How to Live in the Present

This series discusses the ins and outs of mindfulness and meditation. Now let’s explore ways to help you learn to live in the present. There must be thousands of things one can do to increase their living in the now. Below are some of these ideas.

Change your focus. When learning to live in the now, it is critical to focus on a single thing, not everything at once. Despite popular belief, no one can multitask, juggling many tasks to try to get ahead. Our human brains do not work that way. It is impossible to live in the moment if you are distracted like that.

Notice what is around you. If you are not fully aware of what is around you, you cannot remain in the moment. When you stop to look at the stars, the flowers, or your kids, it is easier to be present in the moment. Try this method to live in the moment right now.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath, then open your eyes and take a hard look at where you are located. How do the walls look? What patterns do you see in the floors, walls, and shadows cast through a window?

Practice being accepting. To live in the now, one must learn to let go of the things you have no control over and accept them for what they are. You cannot control everything that happens to you, nor can you control other people. All you can do is practice acceptance of what you cannot change.

Seek out social support. Finding positive and caring social support plays a vital role in helping you to learn to live in the now. Seek out others who are supportive and positive in their attitudes because it is much easier than being present alone. Surrounding yourself with people who cause you to feel positive and happy will enhance your focus on the now by making it easier.

Ending Our Time Together

For many, living in the present moment seems impossible as they are inundated with responsibilities to work, their kids, and their partners. However, taking the time to practice mindfulness and meditation can aid you in caring for those you love by making you calmer and more pliable to others’ needs and ideas.

Take time to appreciate where you are, who is with you, and what you are doing instead of being caught up in worrying about the past or the future. You only live once, and the next moment will never return again, so that means you must learn to enjoy and savor each moment as it passes.

If you find yourself overwhelmed or having memories return that is unpleasant, you might need to explore them more in-depth with the help of a therapist. They can teach you techniques and tools you may find that make your journey easier.

Consider joining the yoga program offered by Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Foundation. You will find the price is right, and if you cannot afford to pay, there are scholarships available.

“The journey is never-ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment.” – Antonio Brown.

“Sometimes we make the process more complicated than we need to. We will never make a journey of a thousand miles by fretting about how long it will take or how hard it will be. We make the journey by taking each day step by step and then repeating it again and again until we reach our destination.” – Joseph B. Wirthlin.

All that time, our bodies were slowly breaking down and started to live in survival mode. We learned not to feel and not to be. That was our reality. We learned to stay out of the way, to be invisible, come what may. That was our childhood. We were broken before our lives really began.

Years later, we are adults in an unforgiving, fast-paced world. Society expects everyone to get on the treadmill that is life. Life in the fast lane on the freeway. We crash into a marathon at lightning speed, stuck in fast-forward mode and some of us aren’t even “dressed yet”. So how do we cope when everyone around us races ahead? Our classmates, get those good grades, scholarships, and opportunities as we simply try and breathe in and out. We notice them all as life goes on.

Survivors suffering from Complex PTSD after childhoods riddled with abuse have so much to overcome before they can enjoy life. The damage shattered our essence of being and we need time to rebuild to start being like “everybody else”. Most often we allow the river of life to take us hurtling down the rapids of life’s ups and downs. It’s too hard to feel, we keep telling ourselves. It’s better this way. We absorb what life throws at us and carry on like robots. We exist without really noticing what is going on around us. We don’t notice people, go to social events or enjoy our surroundings. We shy away and pretend. We don’t appreciate anything or anyone because we have learned long ago to switch off our feelings.  Life goes on in black and white or different shades of gray but colors evade us.

Then suddenly life’s “river water” calms and we look up. We catch a ray of sunshine on the water’s surface and we realize we want more. It feels good to bask in the sun’s rays and so we look up some more. The more we look up, the more we realize that we deserve so much more than just “floating” aimlessly ahead. Our lives matter and we deserve to be in the driving seat. We learn to swim and navigate those rapids and we steer away from the dangers and into shallower waters. We take back control of our lives. It feels good to take charge and go where we want. Not because somebody tells us to, but because we want to. We are free at last. Wherever you end up in your life journey, is the right path for you if it makes you happy.

I understand that we sometimes feel jealous of our friends and angry that we didn’t get our shot. Those who seem to have it all figured out, have big careers and are important and successful. Regret hits us at times when we think we could have done so much more with our lives. At that moment, we forget how much we have conquered just to survive. We have put our whole life back together after being shattered like glass being thrown into a rock wall. We have picked up each piece and put it back. It may not have gone back to the exact right place, but the pieces have been put together anyway. What once was a square, is now a shining star. That is who you are! How many people can say they rebuilt their lives without instructions or a survival manual? We have survived a childhood of unspeakable trauma, and we are still here today to tell our stories. We have lived and thanks to our strength, life is bright and colorful.

“Tough times never last but tough people do.” Quote by Robert H. Schuller.

All of us survivors should go out there, every day and say YES, I did it! I am a survivor! I am someone and I do matter. Life is precious and we should want more, so much more! We deserve it! Go out there and take those opportunities when they come. Notice the world full of color and people around you. Smile more because you got this. Life is what we make of it. Wherever it may take us, follow your hearts and live.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

The result is that folks get overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle, leading to increased substance abuse, child abuse, and misery, especially if you have complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

But what if the overwhelm was a clinical problem? This article shall examine emotional overwhelm and how it affects those who experience it, especially at Christmas.

What is Emotional Overwhelm?

Emotional overwhelm describes a state of being upset by intense emotion that is hard to handle and manage. Emotional overwhelm makes you think and behave irrationally. It can also keep you from doing daily tasks.

There are many causes of emotional overwhelm, such as stress, a traumatic life experience, and the holidays. Emotional overwhelm happens when the intensity of one’s feelings overcomes their ability to manage them.

Some of the common signs you are experiencing emotional overwhelm are:

• Feeling physically ill
• Feeling fatigued
• Disproportionately reacting to insignificant situations
• Withdrawal from families and friends
• Trouble focusing
• Trouble completing small tasks
• Emotions color how you perceive the world around you
• Feeling intense grief or sadness on happy occasions

People with emotional overwhelm are overcome by negative emotions such as fear, anger, and guilt, with some people experiencing the opposite, mania and euphoria instead.

The Causes and Consequences of Emotional Overwhelm

The causes of emotional overwhelm center around being a survivor of trauma. This trauma might be from a single stressor in adulthood or being a survivor of childhood trauma.

Some conditions, such as depression or anxiety, include emotional overwhelm as a symptom, and in this case, therapy is recommended. Some of your emotions may overwhelm you more than others. Perhaps you can tolerate anger but cannot control your fear and sadness.

Emotional overwhelm has consequences such as difficulty performing self-care and behaviors that lower your ability to reason. These behaviors make it harder to cope with emotional overwhelm.

The presence of unexplained fatigue or pain contributes to the increase of negative emotions causing your body to have a lowered response to infection and other illnesses.

Another consequence of emotional overwhelm is the impact on your social life because you may find yourself lashing out at others or avoiding speaking to them. These behaviors strain your relationships with the people around you at home and work.

Treatment and Coping with Emotional Overwhelm

Coping with emotional overwhelm means finding and using strategies to help when you are overwrought. The coping skills listed below may help, but you must do them for them to help you, which is difficult when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Change how you look at things. Stop, recognize, and accept how you are feeling and what you are facing. Don’t ruminate anymore, trying to stop the emotional rollercoaster. Try taking a break from the situation to change your outlook, like taking a long walk or practicing deep breathing. Be proactive and find resources that can help you solve the problem you are facing. Ask for help when you need it to help you recalibrate your perspective.

Confront your assumptions. When overwhelmed, you tend to think irrationally and allow fear to guide you instead of thinking logically. It is helpful to realize and understand illogical assumptions and say them aloud so you can hear how illogical they are. Write them down in a journal so you can see in black and white how the illogical thoughts you have been thinking are so you can change them.

Use mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness is helpful when experiencing emotional overwhelm as they connect you to yourself and your surroundings. Use mindfulness and grounding techniques to help you if you dissociate. Grounding techniques can also be a great help when you are emotionally overwhelmed.

Actively seek support. When feeling emotionally overwhelmed, reach out to your social support systems, such as family members, friends, colleagues, or anyone who can give you advice and support to gain a different perspective. Remember to accept help from those around you and not try to face your emotional overwhelm by yourself. If your family of origin is the cause of your emotional overwhelm, it is okay to look for support in your family of choice.

Consider seeing a therapist. If you are overwhelmed chronically, consider talking to a mental health professional who will help you develop the skills you need to understand why you feel so overwhelmed. Therapy will help you increase your confidence level through positive reinforcement, and the more competent you are at practicing your new skills, the more you will feel confident. This new confidence will help you overwhelm your emotional distress.

Human Basic Needs

All humans have basic needs that must be met to be healthy.

The first need you face is a coherent set of beliefs that help you understand what life is about. In other words, you need to feel you have an answer to why you are here. Security is another basic human need, i.e., an environment where you can live life without fear.

Attention is a human need that includes experiencing quality contact with others and yourself. This time with others and the self is the center of feeling valued. You might experience affection or validation, or it can be an acknowledgment of your purpose and existence.

Intimacy is vital to your existence. Being disconnected from others brings loneliness, isolation, and dissociation. Being attuned to your connection with others will allow you to know you are not alone and deepen emotional intimacy, leading to a deeper understanding that we are acceptable.

Having a sense of self is crucial to knowing our self-concepts so we can know our unique role within society. Sense of self also means knowing your status within a group and knowing you are vital to the group.

If any of the above (there are more) needs are not met, you will feel anxious, angry, lonely, and overwhelmed.

Defeating Emotional Overwhelm at Christmas Time

You may find Christmas decorations and carols playing on the radio are highly stressful and bring back memories of traumatic events you have experienced. With all the hubbub, it is easy to lose yourself and experience emotional overwhelm. You might feel so bad at Christmas that you wish just to hide away and wait for it to pass.

Zoe Clements, a therapist, explains five key steps in what she calls the NEEDS method to help you overcome anxiety and emotional overwhelm at Christmas.

The five key steps include the following explanation of the NEEDS acronym.

Needs are essential, and you must consider what you need during the Christmas holiday. You have needs for safety, emotional and physical health, and anything else that will help you overcome overwhelm.

Evaluating and prioritizing your needs above the expectations of yourself and others is paramount. Decide how and with whom you want to spend your Christmas holiday using evaluation as your guide.

Expressing your needs to others in advance is critical to helping you have a better holiday. Some things you need to express are saying what you need and remembering that ‘no’ is a complete sentence.

Defy the urge to feel guilty for not wanting to go to your family’s home for dinner or doing what everyone else expects. You have the right to refuse; use it.

Stick to your decisions. Do not change your no to a yes because of how others pressure you. You are not evil for not wanting to subject yourself to highly triggering Christmas dinner or other festivities. Others haven’t the right to pressure you using guilt as a weapon, either.

The NEEDS method is a unique and powerful way to aid you when you feel uncomfortable or pressured at Christmas.

Ending Our Time Together

Emotional overwhelm is when you feel so overwhelmed by life that you cannot bring yourself to act. You are so exhausted, worried, afraid, having your mind play tricks on you, and you become paralyzed.

Christmas is a time of year that many who have complex post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental health conditions suffer the most. However, the suffering they experience isn’t coming from outside influences but from their unmet needs and wrong thinking.

Recognizing your feelings and emotions during the holidays and examining your motives and how you rationalize away your emotions, you can begin the process of overcoming emotional overwhelm.

There is hope for those who experience emotional overwhelm any time of year and from any cause. Getting and remaining grounded in the now is vital to keeping your feet firmly planted in today and stopping the ruminations of what has gone before.

If you feel overwhelmed, please feel free to check out our different programs, such as Yoga Informed or the CPTSD Community Safe Group. These groups and others offered by CPTSD Foundation are inexpensive, and if you need them, scholarships are available.

“Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.” – Stephen Chbosky

Are you a spouse, partner, caregiver, sibling, or someone directly connected to a trauma survivor? Are you looking for resources and support? We’re launching a brand new program just for you!

Coming in 2023!

Partners

People who have formed complex post-traumatic stress disorder also have problems with boundaries. It is a part of the symptomology of CPTSD.

This article will focus on boundaries and Evergreen Counseling, an organization owned and operated by Annie Wright, our focal provider.

What the Heck is a Boundary Anyway?

According to Jonathan Wolfrum, LMFT, in a blog post titled The Importance of Forming and Maintaining Good Boundaries that appears on Evergreen Counseling’s blog site, boundaries are defined as “a large and complex set of behaviors and beliefs that allow us to differentiate between our own sense of self and our understanding of others.”

Another way to define a boundary is that it is an invisible space that separates one person from another. The space between might be physical and emotional or recognizing your responsibility to another person and what is not.

Physical boundaries include what you are comfortable with when it comes to personal space, sexual contact, and touch. Emotional boundaries encompass the line between how you feel and how others feel. With healthy emotional boundaries, you can take responsibility for your feelings and recognize the feelings of others.

You also recognize that you cannot control how other people feel or act and be aware of what you will and will not feel comfortable sharing with others and maintaining those limits.

Boundaries tell others how far they can go in their treatment of you. Without boundaries, people cannot know where you end and others begin, which sets you up for being in a destructive relationship.

Below are a few examples of healthy boundaries.

• Saying no and accepting when others do so
• Valuing any personal boundaries, you may have and not allowing others to cross them
• Not allowing others to define who you are or your worth
• Understanding that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s
• Understanding that you have a right to your emotions and feelings
• Respecting the value of other’s values, opinions, and beliefs
• Understanding there is no need to compromise your beliefs, opinions, or values

Healthy boundaries allow you to live successfully while interacting with other people.

Unhealthy Boundaries

Unhealthy boundaries include disregarding your and other people’s values, needs, wants, and limits. Unhealthy boundaries also lead to abusive intimate relationships and significantly increase the chances of having other kinds of abusive relationships.

An unhealthy boundary is flexible to the extreme, allowing others to cross your lines and leaving you open to abusing yourself by catering to other people’s misbehavior, such as allowing others to spend your money while leaving you little for yourself.

Sometimes in a parent/child relationship, you may experience being ‘hooked at the hip’ where you do not have opinions of your own, and your mood is determined by how the parent is feeling.

Without adequate boundaries, you are left performing behaviors that make little sense and hurt you and those you are interacting with.

The behaviors and beliefs of survivors that accompany poor boundaries include:

• Talking intimately the first time you meet someone
• Falling in love with anyone who pays attention to you
• Becoming overwhelmed or preoccupied with another person
• Going against your personal values or rights to make someone else happy
• Not noticing other people’s unhealthy boundaries
• Giving too much and receiving nothing in return
• Allowing someone else to use you
• Allowing other people to define you
• Believing those close to you should automatically know what you need
• Self-abuse
• Allowing someone else to abuse you sexually and physically

Trauma survivors lack the basics of building healthy boundaries but doing so is vitally important.

How Do You Build Healthy Boundaries?

For survivors of traumatic experiences or growing up in a dysfunctional home, setting boundaries seems like a foreign thing to do. You have not said ‘no’ for so long that it might seem unnatural or even cruel to set a healthy boundary.

Speaking up is critical and empowering. When you speak up and set healthy boundaries such as, “You cannot open my mail” or “You may not have my money; I need it for myself,” you will experience a freedom and power you have never experienced before or known existed.

Once you have begun speaking up for yourself, it becomes easier each time until you do it regularly. Life will have a different meaning, and your emotional and physical boundaries will be respected. There will be an angry or hurt response from those who were crossing your boundaries regularly, but they will get over it.

Allow yourself to believe that you are doing the best you can and understand you have the strength and accept powerlessness over others and some circumstances. You will find peace in accepting your limitations.

The question is what is good for you, and the answer is figuring out what it is you need. You will face challenges to your new boundaries as the people in your life adjust, and you must remember that change is frightening to them. As mentioned, some of your acquaintances will be angry, but they will also experience confusion and sadness.

However, if you state your expectations clearly and do not budge, people will learn to respect your boundaries, and you will gain the peace of mind you have been looking for.

Evergreen Counseling and a Course on Boundaries and Healing from Trauma

Evergreen Counseling is a therapy center located in downtown Berkeley California that offers high-quality, evidence-based therapy services. They offer treatment to those who have experienced trauma and other mental health disorders, including:

• Depression
• Mood disorders
• Anxiety/OCD
• ADHD
• Stress/overwhelm
• Addiction recovery support
• PTSD
• EMDR
• Counseling for couples and families
• Prenatal and postpartum mood disorders

Evergreen Counseling offers a six-module video course with an accompanying life-changing 53-page journaling workbook full of guided audio meditations, four incredible bonuses, and lifetime access to a private Facebook group.

“The program will teach you how to feel good no matter who is in your life.”

Ending Our Time Together

Healthy boundaries are critical to having a happy life. Without them, you are open to all types of abuses. This author was forced to build boundaries with my mother, who was taking advantage of me. She would let herself into my home, take whatever she wanted, and make long-distance calls on my landline.

I first told her she couldn’t enter my home when I wasn’t present. I did so, quaking in my boots because I knew the anger she was going to feel and how she would express it with fake hurt feelings and yelling.

However, after I built that healthy boundary, she eventually accepted it, leading me to form other boundaries with her. I learned that I had more power over my life than ever.

I encourage you to explore building your healthy boundaries because the freedom doing so brings is priceless.

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” – Brene Brown

“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.”- Christine Morgan.

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end, and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.” – Henry Cloud

Winter Holiday Support

Winter can be challenging for those with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, especially with the holidays right around the corner. CPTSD Foundation offers you a daily hint and reading to help you lift out of the winter blues and know you are not alone.

https://members.cptsdfoundation.org/products/winter-holiday-support-2022/categories/2151415561/posts/2162004417

Are you a therapist who treats CPTSD? Please consider dropping us a line to add you to our growing list of providers. You would get aid in finding clients and helping someone find the peace they deserve. Go to the contact us page and send a note; our staff will respond quickly.

Shortly, CPTSD Foundation will have compiled a list of providers treating complex post-traumatic stress disorder. When it becomes available, we will put it on our website www.CPTSDFoundation.org.

Visit us and sign up for our weekly newsletter to help inform you about treatment options and much more for complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

The Healing Book Club

As of May 7th, 2022, the current book will be – “A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD: Compassionate Strategies to Begin Healing from Childhood Trauma.”

by Dr. Arielle Schwartz.

Here is an Excerpt –

Repetitive trauma during childhood can impact your emotional development, creating a ripple effect that carries into adulthood. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a physical and psychological response to these repeated traumatic events. A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD contains research-based strategies, tools, and support for individuals working to heal from their childhood trauma. You don’t have to be a prisoner of your past.

Learn the skills necessary to improve your physical and mental health with practical strategies taken from the most effective therapeutic methods, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization, and reprocessing (EMDR), and somatic psychology. When appropriately addressed, the wounds of your past no longer need to interfere with your ability to live a meaningful and satisfying life.

This book includes the following:

• Understand C-PTSD—Get an in-depth explanation of complex PTSD, including its symptoms, its treatment through various therapies, and more.
• Address the symptoms—Discover evidence-based strategies for healing the symptoms of complex PTSD, like avoidance, depression, emotional dysregulation, and hopelessness.
• Real stories—Relate to others’ experiences with complex PTSD with multiple real-life examples in each chapter.

Start letting go of the pain from your past—A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD can help show you how.

UK Support

If you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, sign-up to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it; we will be glad to help you. If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle

Meditation can be an integral part of healing from trauma. Our 9-week self-study video course helps you integrate this fantastic grounding, centering, and focus method. Join the Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle today!

A new Trauma-Informed Yoga program is now available! Check out our information page about this highly requested new program! #yoga #traumainformed #cptsd #mentalhealth #recovery #wellness https://cptsdfoundation.org/traumainformedyoga/

Do you have goals you need help to reach or help define what goals suit you? Have you considered working with a #traumainformed coach? Learn about a new opportunity and a Free Discovery Call!

This article shall focus on this type of trauma and a specialist in treating it, Anne Wright.

What is Complex Relational Trauma?

To treat complex trauma, you must first know what it is. Complex relational trauma, although not found in the current Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DMS), forms when a person experiences neglect, abuse, and severe maltreatment as a child.

Complex relational trauma is abuse carried out by primary relationships with parents, caregivers, guardians, or anyone who has power over the child. Complex trauma happens when the abuse is repeated and for an extended time. Sometimes complex relational trauma continues into adulthood through other relationships with abusers, such as the person’s intimate partner.

An unconscious need to repeat the unhealed trauma is at the center of unhealthy relationships in adulthood because they are conditioned to form them from childhood.

Signs and Symptoms of Complex Trauma

The wounds from childhood carry into adult relationships and function in the background of conditions such as major depression, anxiety, and personality disorders like borderline personality disorder.

The physical effects of complex trauma often manifest as migraines, hypervigilance, and stomach issues. Complex relational trauma has many symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The other symptoms include:

• A sense of worthlessness
• Neediness
• Attention-seeking behavior
• A deep mistrust of others
• Social anxiety
• Social avoidance
• Anger
• Rage
• Deep sadness
• Flashbacks

Unfortunately, if a child is taught neglect, abandonment, and maltreatment are normal behaviors, they are more likely to have these patterns repeat in their lives.

The Ways Complex Relational Trauma Effects Adult Survivors

As you can imagine, complex trauma leaves deep marks on those who experience it. In adulthood, complex relational trauma manifests with some of the following signs and impacts.

• Difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships
• Avoiding intimacy
• Avoiding close relationships
• Feeling strongly that one should be completely self-sufficient
• Needing a relationship but also have an intense fear of abandonment
• Needing to be perfect
• Putting others first and neglecting one’s own needs
• Use dissociation as a go-to defense mechanism
• Lack of self-regulation and impulse control

Left untreated, complex relational trauma can lead to a substance abuse disorder, physical illness, the formation of mental illness, self-harm, and even suicide.

Treating Relational Trauma

Coping with relational trauma’s effects is difficult but can be done. First, you must recognize that what you have been experiencing all your life is the effects of relational trauma.

Three types of treatment go together that you can get for treating complex relational trauma, including talk therapy, medication, and adding things you can do for yourself to your life.

Psychotherapy. Various types of psychotherapy can help mend a person who has suffered relational trauma.

• Talk therapy. Talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy, helps address trauma of all types and the mental health conditions it causes. Talking to a therapist can help you understand relational trauma’s symptoms and how it has affected your life. A therapist can also help you understand yourself better and bring to light your behaviors, including your thought patterns, and increase your sense of self.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy treatment that is effective for many problems. CBT, according to research, helps improve functioning and improves the person’s quality of life. Some studies suggest it is as effective or more than other forms of treatment.
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT is an evidence-based psychotherapy that research suggests can be useful in treating mood disorders and suicidal ideation. Dialectical means combining opposite ideas to change thought patterns.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This therapy is a technique that involves moving one’s eyes a specific way while processing traumatic memories. EMDR helps to heal you from trauma or other distressing life experiences. It is vital that EMDR be used only in the presence of a therapist who is qualified to perform it, as it can bring to the surface strong emotions.

The CPTSD Foundation is pleased to promote an outstanding EMDR practitioner, Annie Wright, whom we will introduce in this piece and highlight in later posts.

Medication

Although there is no medication for treating complex relational trauma directly, meds can help with the mental health conditions that often form because of it. While medications aren’t always necessary, they can be beneficial.

Adding things to your treatment, you can do for yourself. Various self-care strategies can help you cope with complex relational trauma. The self-care strategies aren’t the same for everyone.

Self-care strategies might include:

• Eating regularly and getting enough good sleep to enhance your mood
• Finding healthy ways to unwind, such as exercise or meditation
• Identifying the triggers of your anxiety, trauma responses, and depression and finding ways to cope that work for you
• Use journaling or a creative hobby as emotional outlets
• Stay in contact with your loved ones, including intimate partners
• Attend a trauma-informed support group

Your therapist will most likely have items to add to this list.

An Introduction to Annie Wright

Annie Wright is a licensed psychotherapist who works with her clients to overcome relational trauma. Annie works differently than ordinary trauma workers as she helps those who have experienced isolation and single-incident trauma.

Coming from a relational trauma background, Annie Wright learned what she was experiencing had a name, and, in her thirties, finally understood how to overcome it. Nearing the age of forty, Annie is a trauma recovery specialist and a licensed psychotherapist helping adult children of abusive and neglectful parents overcome their pasts and create future lives for themselves.

Annie Wright is known for her signature relational trauma recovery trauma work. She also offers attachment-focused EMDR therapy as an added supplemental or stand-alone treatment.

Ms. Wright states on her website that EMDR is widely researched and based on neuroscience-informed integrative therapy discovered to treat distressing emotional symptoms. Using bilateral stimulation such as eye movements, alternating auditory sounds, or bilateral physical sensations, EMDR aids your brain’s natural impulse to metabolize negative memories and behavior patterns.

Ending Our Time Together

Complex relational trauma changes lives by creating an environment that mimics the maltreatment they suffered in childhood. Those who live with the effects of complex trauma often find themselves in destructive relationships or in none at all.

There are adequate treatments available that can alleviate the tragic symptoms of complex trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can significantly aid in overcoming the side effects of complex trauma by aiding your brain in utilizing its natural propensity to choose better-thought patterns.

Annie Wright is a therapist who employs EMDR to treat her clients to change their lives. Our next post will discuss Annie Wright’s practice and add more information about EMDR.

“Trauma fractures comprehension as a pebble shatters a windshield. The wound at the site of impact spreads across the field of vision, obscuring reality, and challenging belief.” – Jane Leavy

“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.”

– Peter A. Levine

Are you a therapist who treats CPTSD? Please consider dropping us a line to add you to our growing list of providers. You would get aid in finding clients and helping someone find the peace they deserve. Go to the contact us page and send a note; our staff will respond quickly.

Shortly, CPTSD Foundation will have compiled a list of providers treating complex post-traumatic stress disorder. When it becomes available, we will put it on our website www.CPTSDFoundation.org.

Visit us and sign up for our weekly newsletter to help inform you about treatment options and much more for complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

The Healing Book Club

As of May 7th, 2022, the current book will be – “A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD: Compassionate Strategies to Begin Healing from Childhood Trauma.”

by Dr. Arielle Schwartz.

Here is an Excerpt –

Repetitive trauma during childhood can impact your emotional development, creating a ripple effect that carries into adulthood. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a physical and psychological response to these repeated traumatic events. A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD contains research-based strategies, tools, and support for individuals working to heal from their childhood trauma. You don’t have to be a prisoner of your past.

Learn the skills necessary to improve your physical and mental health with practical strategies taken from the most effective therapeutic methods, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization, and reprocessing (EMDR), and somatic psychology. When appropriately addressed, the wounds of your past no longer need to interfere with your ability to live a meaningful and satisfying life.

This book includes the following:

• Understand C-PTSD—Get an in-depth explanation of complex PTSD, including its symptoms, its treatment through various therapies, and more.
• Address the symptoms—Discover evidence-based strategies for healing the symptoms of complex PTSD, like avoidance, depression, emotional dysregulation, and hopelessness.
• Real stories—Relate to others’ experiences with complex PTSD with multiple real-life examples in each chapter.

Start letting go of the pain from your past—A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD can help show you how.

If you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, sign-up to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it; we will be glad to help you. If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle

Meditation can be an integral part of healing from trauma. Our 9-week self-study video course helps you integrate this fantastic grounding, centering, and focus method. Join the Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle today!

A new Trauma-Informed Yoga program is now available! Check out our information page about this highly requested new program! #yoga #traumainformed #cptsd #mentalhealth #recovery #wellness https://cptsdfoundation.org/traumainformedyoga/

 Do you have goals you need help reaching, or help define what goals suit you? Have you considered working with a #traumainformed coach? Learn about a new opportunity and a Free Discovery Call!

UK Support

The Struggles of Someone Affected by Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder forms during repeated traumatic events such as childhood sexual or other abuse. The symptoms of CPTSD are life-altering and, if left untreated, can significantly limit the person who experiences it.

The symptoms of CPTSD include those of post-traumatic stress disorder plus others such as follows:

• Feeling angry
• Feeling distrustful of others and the world
• Difficulty controlling emotions
• Feeling empty
• Feeling hopeless
• Feeling damaged or worthless
• Feeling different from other people
• Avoiding friendships and other relationships
• Finding, making, and maintaining relationships
• Experiencing dissociative symptoms
• Experiencing headaches, chest pain, dizziness, and tummy aches
• Having suicidal ideations or actions

There are several psychotherapeutic approaches to the treatment of CPTSD, including EMDR.

What is EMDR?

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing is a form of psychotherapy enabling people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that accompanies complex trauma.

Many therapists believe that EMDR actually shortens the length of time a person is in therapy. What once took years of intensive psychotherapy may take months.

EMDR goes on the premise that the mind can heal from psychological trauma like the body recovers from physical trauma. For example, when the body gets a foreign object in it, the wound festers and causes pain. Once the object is removed, the person’s wound heals.

Those practicing EMDR have found that a similar sequence occurs with wounds to the psyche. If the person’s mind is blocked or imbalanced by trauma, the emotional wound festers and causes emotional pain. Left untreated, the wound will not heal but remain open and bleeding. However, the wound begins to heal once the block is removed through EMDR treatment.

During a session, the therapist uses EMDR to help those with CPTSD to activate their mind’s natural healing processes.

Research Backing EMDR

Many research studies (more than 30) have been conducted to see if EMDR is an effective treatment for both single and multiple traumas. Some studies have shown that 85%-90% of single trauma victims heal and are no longer diagnosed with PTSD after three 90-minute EMDR sessions.

Yet another study completed by HMO Kaiser Permanente found that 100% of single-trauma survivors and 77% of multiple trauma victims were no longer diagnosed with PTSD after six 50-minute sessions (Shapiro, 2014).

There has been so much research on using EMDR treatment that it is now recognized by the American Psychiatric Association and the World Health Organization as an effective treatment for trauma.

It is easy to see that EMDR is recognized around the world as an effective treatment for memories that cause people to experience low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and many other mental health problems related to relational trauma.

Millions of people have received EMDR treatment successfully over the past thirty years; it has been available and used by over 100,000 clinicians worldwide.

The Stages of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing   

Research reports that EMDR effectively treats CPTSD because the therapist employs treatment goals, procedures, and adaptations for each phase of treatment (Huss et al., 2015). The stages of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing treatment are stabilization, trauma processing, and reconnection/development of self-identity (Korn, 2009).

The therapist achieves these stages by employing eight different phases of treatment:

• Phase 1: History-taking
• Phase 2: Preparing the client
• Phase 3: Assessing the target memory
• Phases 4-7: Processing the memory to an adaptive resolution
• Phase 8: Evaluating treatment results
• (Shapiro, 2017)

Phase 1: History-taking. The therapist gets a complete history of their client and conducts an appropriate assessment so they can work together to identify targets for treatment, including targeting memories, triggers, and any future goals the client may have.

Phase 2. Preparing the client. The therapist explains the treatment and introduces the survivor to the procedures, practicing the eye movement component. The therapist helps their client to practice affect management, leading them through the safe/calm place exercise.

Phase 3: Assessing the target memory. This phase of EMDR treatment activates the memory that is being targeted by identifying and assessing each of the memory components: image, cognition, affect, and body sensations.

Phases 4-7: Processing the memory to an adaptive solution. In this phase, the client focuses on a memory while engaging in eye movements led by the therapist. The survivor reports if new thoughts have emerged. The therapist uses standardized procedures to determine the focus of each set of eye movement treatments. If necessary, the process is continued in more sessions until the client reports that the memory is no longer distressing.

Phase 8: Evaluating treatment results. If the targeted memory was not fully resolved in the session, instructions, and techniques to remain safe and to provide containment until the next session are discussed. Each session ends and begins with a reevaluation of how effective EMDR is for the survivor, what memories may have emerged since the last session, and what works for the client.

Processing a specific memory can be completed in one to three sessions. EMDR does not expose the person receiving treatment to distressing memories or detailed descriptions of the traumatic event.

Ending Our Time Together

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing have been used successfully for over thirty years to successfully treat those who have experienced both single and multiple traumatic events.

This form of psychotherapy is safe and effective when done by an adequately trained mental health professional. The client sits with their therapist and is led through an eye movement exercise while thinking about the traumatic event chosen for work at the beginning of the session. Afterward, the effectiveness of the process is evaluated to see if the therapist can do anything different in the next session.

Sometimes, EMDR is used in conjunction with regular psychotherapy to enhance the ability of the survivor to process the memories and bodily sensations they may have felt during the session.

One provider who offers EMDR is Annie Wright. In future posts, we shall examine Annie Wright and her important work treating clients who have survived multiple traumas and formed complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

“She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.” Terri St. Cloud

References

Hase, M., Balmaceda, U. M., Hase, A., Lehnung, M., Tumani, V., Huchzermeier, C., & Hofmann, A. (2015). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy in the treatment of depression: a matched pairs study in an inpatient setting. Brain and Behavior, 5(6), e00342.

Korn, D. L. (2009). EMDR and the treatment of complex PTSD: A review. Journal of EMDR Practice and Research, 3(4), 264-278.

Shapiro, F. (2014). The role of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy in medicine: addressing the psychological and physical symptoms stemming from adverse life experiences. The Permanente Journal, 18(1), 71.

Shapiro, F. (2017). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures. Guilford Publications.

Are you a therapist who treats CPTSD? Please consider dropping us a line to add you to our growing list of providers. You would get aid in finding clients and helping someone find the peace they deserve. Go to the contact us page and send a note; our staff will respond quickly.

Shortly, CPTSD Foundation will have compiled a list of providers treating complex post-traumatic stress disorder. When it becomes available, we will put it on our website www.CPTSDFoundation.org.

Visit us and sign up for our weekly newsletter to help inform you about treatment options and much more for complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

The Healing Book Club

As of May 7th, 2022, the current book will be – “A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD: Compassionate Strategies to Begin Healing from Childhood Trauma.”

by Dr. Arielle Schwartz.

Here is an Excerpt –

Repetitive trauma during childhood can impact your emotional development, creating a ripple effect that carries into adulthood. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a physical and psychological response to these repeated traumatic events. A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD contains research-based strategies, tools, and support for individuals working to heal from their childhood trauma. You don’t have to be a prisoner of your past.

Learn the skills necessary to improve your physical and mental health with practical strategies taken from the most effective therapeutic methods, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization, and reprocessing (EMDR), and somatic psychology. When appropriately addressed, the wounds of your past no longer need to interfere with your ability to live a meaningful and satisfying life.

This book includes the following:

• Understand C-PTSD—Get an in-depth explanation of complex PTSD, including its symptoms, its treatment through various therapies, and more.
• Address the symptoms—Discover evidence-based strategies for healing the symptoms of complex PTSD, like avoidance, depression, emotional dysregulation, and hopelessness.
• Real stories—Relate to others’ experiences with complex PTSD with multiple real-life examples in each chapter.

Start letting go of the pain from your past—A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD can help show you how.

If you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, sign-up to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it; we will be glad to help you. If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle

Meditation can be an integral part of healing from trauma. Our 9-week self-study video course helps you integrate this fantastic grounding, centering, and focus method. Join the Mindfulness, Prayer, and Meditation Circle today!

 A new Trauma-Informed Yoga program is now available! Check out our information page about this highly requested new program! #yoga #traumainformed #cptsd #mentalhealth #recovery #wellness https://cptsdfoundation.org/traumainformedyoga/

 Do you have goals you need help reaching, or help define what goals suit you? Have you considered working with a #traumainformed coach? Learn about a new opportunity and a Free Discovery Call!