EXISTENCE WITHOUT TASK / ORIENTATION BEFORE ACTION

How Authentic Coordinates Allow Natural Integration to Proceed
(Walking Through the Door, and Back Again: An Enchanted Evergreen Winter’s Welcome–A Threshold Tale)

This is not a journey; it is a placement. It is the slow recognition of safe conditions and coordinates that allow you to move across thresholds—and to return—without ever being lost.

Nothing is being asked of you here. Nothing needs to be fixed or figured out.

“Integration” refers to the natural coordination that occurs when conditions become uninhabitable.

Under chronic threat, human systems naturally adapt by developing extraordinary sensitivity to danger. This adaptation activates involuntary survival states governed by the autonomic nervous system. These states are not responses; they are sequential protective reactions that occur when response is unavailable, prioritizing static survival over variable integration and, when prolonged, contributing to persistent system strain.

Crucially, while the capacity for natural integration is never lost, access to natural passage conditions is unavailable in static survival states. Response—by definition—requires safety, orientational coordinates, motion, and variable neural integration. Without these conditions, the system can only react—because reaction is all that is available.

What are often labeled “trauma responses” are more accurately understood as reactions arising from constrained and uninhabitable environmental conditions.

What appears as incoherence is not failure. It is a brilliant, adaptive, and predictable natural reaction to impossible conditions.

Recognition of these patterns does not indicate failure or something that requires correction.

CPTSD Systemic Design (Constrained / Dis-Oriented)

Uninhabitable Consciousness Load-Bearing Conditions: These are not personal traits. They are environmentally induced system states:
–Compensatory
–Compulsive
–Uncoordinated
–Obstructive
–Containment & Control Patterns
–Non-distributed incoherent integrations
–Punitive subconscious existential-jurisdiction architectures
–Autonomic survival operating systems
–Separation-perception boundary perspectives
–Habitual isolation-maintenance reflexes
–Survival subroutine autocompletions
–Containment overreaction systems
–Closed-circuit circulation monitoring
–Distortion & Interference Patterns
–False-feelings psychic payloads
–Soma-overruling navigational overrides
–Labyrinthine interference patterning
–Overcorrecting emergency substitutions
–Compensatory distortion instability
–Trauma-sequencing shortcuts
–Context-bound survival rules
–Obstructed-reality protective measures
–Fragmentation & Collapse Patterns
–Defensive hypervigilance bracing routines
–Defensive distortion thought processes
–Misattributed role fragmentations
–Coercively collapsed witness-awareness
–Dissociative false-footing reactive stances
–Recursive mortality threat activation

When a natural environmental intelligence-field structure is present, rather than external coercion, instinct aligns into resonant coherence without force. Natural responses become possible without trust ever needing to be invoked at any coordinated systemic point.

NATURAL Systemic Design (Integrated / Oriented)

These are descriptive conditions, not goals or tasks:

–Habitable Consciousness Load-Bearing Conditions
–Fully Coordinated Body-Mind-Being-Awareness
–Safety
–Authenticity
–Coordination
–Continuity
–Unobstruction
–Self-maintenance
–Distribution
–Coherence
–Resonance
–Alignment
–Integration
–Orientation
–Accumulation
–Unobstructed Living.

Evergreen Enchantment

Unobstructed reality. What reality feels like when it no longer has to route itself around trauma, but instead walks through the door and says:

“Welcome back!”

Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Danette True

Danette True is a writer and systems-thinker focused on trauma-informed healing, embodiment, and humane approaches to individual and collective well-being. Her work explores how safety, structure, and lived experience shape recovery across the lifespan.

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become”, (Carl. Gustav. Jung) 

The saying above is a famous statement made by a Swiss Psychologist. It is a profound truth that I believe is true for CPTSD survivors. Yes, we have been through terrible trauma in our most vulnerable childhood years. It is something that changed us profoundly as we grew up into adults. Most of us are struggling from time to time but we do have a choice. We can let the trauma and hurt consume us into living a half-life. The kind of life where we numb our hurt with poisons and float through each day. We are existing without purpose, and I am sure most of you know what I’m talking about because, at one point or another, we have all been in this state. Some of us have for longer than we should. Our second choice is to try and live our lives and flow through the rise and fall of life’s challenges and adventures. Living is not always easy for anyone but as a survivor, you must try so much harder just to be in the moment. Being busy is something I enjoy and it does keep the pain away when I am immersed in my work or my family. 

Some survivors live life for years without knowing why they are feeling chronically sad and why it feels like their bodies are “heavy” like a weight pressing constantly down on them. I knew that my so-called father was evil. I hate him with a passion, but I never really understood why I had this hatred for him and all the grown-ups around me. All I knew as an 18-year-old was that I had to get away. I had to get away to be me because to stay was unthinkable. I was sure that the acute suffocating pain I felt was going to kill me. 

Self Care 

Once I left everything and everyone behind, I was forced to start to think about my own immediate needs. What did I need the most? Well, to start with shelter and food. Then a job to pay the rent. I was busy thinking about myself in those early days and it did wonders for my own self-confidence! I made decisions for the first time about myself for only myself and my own well-being. I was happy and free.  

Thinking about your needs is a fundamental step toward healing. For me, until this point in my life, all the adults around me had made decisions for me about what I needed. Most of these decisions were made by my abusers as they were my parents and grown-ups around me. I’m not saying you should all cut ties with your family and move away, but I am saying that you should start speaking up for yourself and think about what you need.  

How do you feel right now? What do you need in the next hour? Are you thirsty? Hungry? Are you busy working on a deadline at work? Do you need a comfort break? All of these questions are relevant and vitally important to your well-being. Taking care of your life is something that does not come naturally for someone suffering from CPTSD because we have this ingrained feeling that we do not “deserve to feel”. I tell you now, YOU DO! You absolutely do deserve everything life can give. Especially you, because you have overcome so much to get here, to this moment.  

Getting back to basics: Breathing 

Your breath is extremely important and we forget that this is something we all do naturally without thinking. Our brains make sure we breathe in and out constantly but how often do you “feel” your own breathing? Close your eyes for a moment and just breathe, in and out. Just feel your breath go in and out of your body. Your breath is what makes you alive. How do you feel after taking a deep breath? It feels good right? Breathing is something so simple we forget how important it is for us, especially for those who are suffering from trauma.  

Yoga 

I have been told many times about the benefits of yoga, pilates, reiki, and various other relaxation and breathing exercises. These are extremely beneficial to get in tune with our bodies. It will also as a survivor, help you find where in the body you are hurting the most. Listen to your body and let it guide you in healing that ache. Yeah, you know what I mean! Taking a yoga class on a regular basis can help you feel more in tune with your own body. Your body has after all endured terrible things and now it is your chance to look after it. Marvel at it and how it got you from being hurt to the present. These activities are also really useful to do to relax. Relaxation is something we do not do enough as survivors. I do not relax unless I take a yoga class or fall asleep. Relaxing is important to recharge our bodies and release the tensions that build up in a flashback. When we feel terrified or unsafe, we naturally tense our bodies and get ready for “flight”. This is a survivor mechanism that we all used to survive our abusers’ but it is not healthy to carry constant tension in our bodies. It eventually will lead to chronic pain. Take a beat and time out from your daily routine and try a yoga or pilates class. Notice how your body feels after relaxing. It feels great, right? Harness that feeling because you deserve it. You deserve to feel good in your body. 

Exercising and nature 

We are not all athletes but there are so many sports you can enjoy without the pressure of performing your best. I run because I enjoy it. I like the feeling of my feet pounding the trail and the wind blowing against me with music blasting into my ears. I also love going outdoors and hiking a trail and camping for a few nights or just going along the beach for miles. I love swimming and kayaking and being in the open water. I find going back to nature, soothing and grounding me in the present. Taking the time to relax outdoors is another way for me to recharge and heal. Like a kid, I notice things when I go outdoors, and I like finding out about them when I get home. What was that plant called? Is that edible? 

Friends and Socializing 

Friends are my new family and without them and their support I don’t know if I would have made it. I made lots of friends on my journey to where I am now. I also learned that friends come and go in your life. You meet people all the time if you go out and take classes, do sports and run. I met most of my friends that I have today outside work. I also have friends that I met through work. Some friends are closer than others. What I have learned is to try and go out even when I don’t want to. It is so much worse if you give in to the pain. There are times when I do. We have all been there! I can guarantee that you will feel so much better after an evening out with friends than sitting at home on the sofa.  

The one thing I find hard is knowing when to trust someone. It used to drive me crazy worrying about it. Then I realized that just being with a friend or in a group of friends is enough. Let the time just pass and do not overthink too much about what others say and think about you. Most of the time people are not thinking the worst of you. If they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t choose to hang out with you. Give yourself a break and relax with your friends. Go out and have a good time. You deserve it! 

Hobbies and Interests 

We all have our strengths and weaknesses and what you enjoy doing in your free time is different from others. This is one of the reasons why you are unique, and you should be proud of who you are. Every human being has got a talent or an aptitude for certain activities. Some people like the tiny details in life and collect stamps or seashells that they come across. Other people like sports or crafts.  A lot of people like to take care of animals and this is something that is very good for our well-being. If you are not outgoing and don’t want to take sports or art classes, you might prefer to have a pet. Looking after another creature is rewarding and fun. 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Elizabeth Woods

For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd

www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com/

Credit: Karla Ruiz

What is Betrayal Trauma?

• How do you begin to heal when you discover that your partner has been unfaithful?
• How do you learn to trust again when a family member has betrayed you?
• How do you move forward when your boss abused their position of power and sexually harassed you?

In the wake of a betrayal, many people feel their world has been shattered. Some are left wondering whether they even have a future at all. Betrayal and the ensuing sense of despondence can leave victims with chronic distrust problems and crippling self-doubt. Being betrayed by a trusted person can have a long-lasting impact on physical and mental well-being and compromises the ability to form lasting relationships with others.

In her article ‘Understanding Complex Trauma, Complex Reactions, and Treatment Approaches’  Dr. Christine Courtois highlights the interconnectedness of betrayal trauma and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), stating that “complex trauma generally refers to traumatic stressors that are interpersonal, that is, they are premeditated, planned, and caused by other humans, such as violating and/or exploitation of another person” (Courtois, 2019). Betrayal causes immense emotional pain and has far-reaching physical and psychological consequences, which are not easily overcome in a day, a week, a month, or even a year. Some people never get over the impact of betrayal. Healing from betrayal requires intense reflection and work on personal growth to rebuild a sense of worthiness, self-confidence, and belonging. Learning to trust others is one of the most difficult hurdles to overcome. Recovery from betrayal is isolating and painfully difficult and often leads to a transformation of the self.

Types of Betrayal

The most common types of betrayal include the disclosing of confidential information, disloyalty, infidelity, and dishonesty. At the least, betrayal causes shock, loss, anger, and grief; at worst, it can cause anxiety disorders and PTSD (Rachman, 2010).

Examples of betrayal:

• Discovering that your husband/wife/partner had a physical, emotional or online affair.
• Finding out that your husband/wife/partner has engaged in addictive behaviour, e.g. drug-taking, gambling, porn.
• Experiencing sexual, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a family member or by a key relationship.
• Discovering that your friend told someone a secret that you entrusted them with.
• Finding out that your co-worker used your work as their own to elevate their status.
• When your family justifies your partner’s abusive behaviour.
• When a boss abuses their position of power and takes advantage of you.
• Failure to offer or provide support and assistance during times of physical or emotional need.

Types of Betrayal Trauma

• Institutional
• Parental
• Partner
• Interpersonal, e.g. friends.

Additionally, any of these types of betrayal trauma may be accompanied by ‘betrayal blindness’,  an unawareness or forgetting of the act of betrayal. (Freyd, 1999).  This adaptive response may be associated with betrayals not traditionally recognised as trauma, such as adultery, inequities in the workplace and society, etc. Victims may unwittingly manifest symptoms of betrayal blindness to preserve the relationships and social systems upon which they depend. (Freyd, 2021). 

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma 

• Chronic mistrust
• Commitment issues
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Hopelessness
• Dissociation
• OCD
• Emotional dysregulation
• Confusion & self-doubt
• Panic, anxiety & depression
• Irritability and rage
• Fear
• Toxic shame and guilt
• Low self-esteem
• Loss of confidence & self-worth
• Extreme exhaustion
• Withdrawal from social interactions
• Difficulty maintaining relationships

Childhood trauma and the associated betrayal can elicit symptoms that continue through adulthood and often prevent the formation of deep, intimate relationships due to past experiences. The severity of betrayal trauma is complex because it concerns not only the experience of the act of abuse but also the experience of being betrayed by a trusted person or someone the victim relies on for support and survival. Symptoms of betrayal trauma do not meet the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5 (DSM-5) diagnostic criteria for PTSD. However, symptoms of betrayal trauma are closely related to those of CPTSD which occurs as a result of abuse and ongoing trauma. (Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5-TR 2022)

Feelings and effects of betrayal such as degradation, rejection, and humiliation can be catastrophic and life-changing. Betrayal on any level causes immense emotional pain and can be incredibly isolating, but with professional help, therapy, and support, many trauma victims go on to live fulfilling lives. Trauma-informed therapy, such as that offered by the C-PTSD Foundation, helps individuals move forward in their personal and professional lives with ongoing support that promotes healing and recovery. Some individuals with extensive trauma histories may remain in therapy for years; however, recovery is possible with a trauma-informed approach and lots of determination and support.

References

• Courtois, C. A. (2019). Understanding Complex Trauma, Complex Reactions, and Treatment Approaches. Understanding complex trauma, complex reactions, and treatment approaches – Gift From Within. Retrieved from
• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: Dsm-5-Tr. 
• Freyd, J. J. (1999, June). Blind to Betrayal: New Perspectives on Memory for Trauma. Retrieved from https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/articles/freyd99.pdf
• Freyd, J. J. (2021). What is a Betrayal Trauma? What is Betrayal Trauma Theory? Definition of Betrayal Trauma Theory. Retrieved from https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.html
• Rachman, S. (2010). Betrayal: A psychological analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304–311. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2009.12.002

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Tracy Guy

Tracy Guy is a published author and a proud guest writer for the C-PTSD Foundation. Professionally, Tracy has experience in mental health and muti-trauma nursing and is now a full-time registered counsellor working with people struggling with complex trauma, anxiety, and grief. Her passion for writing, unwavering instinct to help others, and professional and lived experience drives Tracy to support and advocate for those suffering from debilitating traumatic experiences and C-PTSD. Tracy hopes to raise understanding and awareness of C-PTSD, more specifically, the association of C-PTSD with abusive relationships.

Credit: Lilartsy.

Although not formally recognised by the DSM, the International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision (ICD-11) describes C-PTSD as a disorder that can develop after witnessing an event, or series of events of an extremely threatening nature. These events may have been repetitive or ongoing and particularly horrific. Repetitive or ongoing events that could cause severe psychological wounds to include those from which escape is difficult or impossible, such as slavery, torture, prolonged intimate partner violence, child sexual abuse, and physical abuse. Individuals who present with C-PTSD meet all the diagnostic requirements for PTSD; they also demonstrate difficulty maintaining a positive outlook, have problems regulating anxiety levels, have poor self-worth, experience feelings of guilt and shame, and have difficulties maintaining relationships. A diagnosis of C-PTSD significantly impacts personal, family, social, educational, and professional functioning.

Intimate partner violence includes, but is not limited to:

• physical violence—grabbing, pushing, slapping, shaking, biting, choking, hitting, kicking
• sexual violence—unwanted attempted or actual sexual contact
• physical or sexual abuse threats—instilling fear with the use of words, looks, or actions
• psychological or emotional abuse—name-calling, bullying, intimidation, controlling behaviour
• stalking—harassment, following, and unwanted contact
• financial abuse—full control over economic resources, drip-feeding money, controlling access to money and property.

People who have experienced such trauma become highly anxious and live in a perpetual hyper-arousal state. This anxiety occurs as a physiological response to what happened in the past. Our brain remembers the event and what it felt like and refuses to believe that it could not happen again. Therefore, triggers send us into ‘fight or flight’. We literally live in dread every day and fear the future because our past, as well as memories of the event, and our physiological responses, hold us hostage. Trauma that precedes a diagnosis of PTSD or C-PTSD will stay with the victim long after the event. Memories of the trauma reside in a place in your mind and soul that is dark and impenetrable. Triggers bring these memories to life, making your flashbacks and nightmares feel as real and scary as they did when they first occurred.

Triggers

A trigger is a psychological stimulus that activates an emotional flashback or a recall of a past traumatic event. Triggers can be external or internal stimuli that provoke and elicit an emotional flashback. In narcissistic relationships, your triggers will haunt you. The longer you maintain contact with the narcissist post-separation, the more likely you are to experience flashbacks and high anxiety. Yet, if you cut off all contact, you may experience severe anxiety for years. Unfortunately, the temptation to reconnect with a narcissistic ex-partner is very powerful, and victims often self-sabotage efforts to distance themselves, increasing the chance of re-traumatisation. The intense trauma bonds that develop as a result of shared toxic emotional experiences are what make separation and leaving so difficult. The biochemical reaction to toxic love is extremely addictive, and the only way to detox from a narcissist is to go ‘no contact’. Trauma bonding occurs as a result of the intermittent reinforcement of ‘reward and punishment’ that occurs as part of the abuse cycle. This type of bonding can occur due to physical, psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse and is very difficult to break. Breaking these bonds and the act of leaving a partner where there are well-established trauma bonds is very difficult. Victims often feel painfully empty while trying to break these bonds, much like an addict does during withdrawal. Besides fear, the reward and punishment cycle is just one of the reasons victims of domestic violence keep returning for more. It is also one of the primary reasons many victims develop C-PTSD over time.

Please remember that triggers serve a purpose! They illuminate the wounds that need healing. Triggers come along to shine a light on the festering wounds that are lying in the depths of your mind. These wounds continue to fester until you take the necessary steps that are required to heal them. Triggers may be people, places, objects, news reports, and noises such as the sound of a car backfiring, a text message, a song, a phone or doorbell ringing, or maybe even the sound of someone’s voice. Nevertheless, these wounds require attention. Some wounds are so traumatic and buried so deep that they require years of therapy to recover from, and the first step is diagnosis. If you think you may have C-PTSD, please seek professional help as soon as possible to start your path back to wellness. Unfortunately, despite the prevalence and increasing evidence of domestic violence, many public servants and healthcare professionals lack sufficient understanding of PTSD or C-PTSD with regard to domestic violence situations. 

Survivors require ongoing support where they are validated and encouraged to heal at their own pace. The CPTSD Foundation offers a Daily Recovery Support service where certified coaches, licensed clinicians, and mental health advocates offer support and tips to trauma survivors to help them navigate their healing journey with expert knowledge.

 The Consequences of Abuse

The cycle of abuse is insidious. This pattern of events is usually well established before we even realise we are in a toxic, abusive relationship. Many abuse victims, especially those who experience chronic traumatisation, go on to develop mental health disorders and other health conditions that develop secondary to their abuse. Post-abuse issues vary in severity, and the consequences of abuse may include: 

• PTSD
• C-PTSD
• depression and other stress-related illnesses
• suicidal tendencies
• long-term disabilities
• eating disorders
• drug and alcohol addiction
• low self-esteem
• sexual dysfunction or sexual intimacy problems
• physical illnesses such as chronic pain, heart problems, digestive problems, sleep disorders, headaches, and migraines.

Credit: Pixabay

The long-term consequences of abuse are far-reaching and affect not only those involved but also their children, extended family members, and society. Now recognised as a human rights issue, domestic violence impacts the financial future of those involved due to loss of earnings, legal issues, and unemployment, and, in some cases leads to homelessness. As discussed in Dr Ilsa Evans’ report, ‘Battle-Scars: Long-Term Effects of Prior Domestic Violence’, many victims delay seeking legal advice due to stigma and a lack of faith in the justice system, especially in the family court. Intimate partner violence has devastating consequences and sends out shock waves that continue to reverberate throughout the lives of survivors and their communities well into the future.

 REFERENCES

1. American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: Dsm-5-Tr. 
2. World Health Organization. (n.d.). 6B41 Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision. Retrieved from https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http%253a%252f%252fid.who.int%252ficd%252fentity%252f585833559
3.  World Health Organization, 6B41 Complex post-traumatic stress disorder, 2022, The International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision. Available at: https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http://id.who.int/icd/entity/585833559.
4. Iverson, K.M, Addressing the Stress and Trauma of Experiencing Intimate Partner Violence. PTSD: National Center for PTSD, 2015. Available at: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/type/intimate_partner_violence.asp.
5. Evans I, Battle-scars: Long-term effects of prior domestic violence. Centre for Women’s Studies and Gender Research Monash University, 2007. http://www.chilliwebsites.com/sitefiles/553/File/Battlescars.pdf

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Tracy Guy

Tracy Guy is a published author and a proud guest writer for the C-PTSD Foundation. Professionally, Tracy has experience in mental health and muti-trauma nursing and is now a full-time registered counsellor working with people struggling with complex trauma, anxiety, and grief. Her passion for writing, unwavering instinct to help others, and professional and lived experience drives Tracy to support and advocate for those suffering from debilitating traumatic experiences and C-PTSD. Tracy hopes to raise understanding and awareness of C-PTSD, more specifically, the association of C-PTSD with abusive relationships.

The definition: Complex PTSD happens in response to chronic and repetitive neglect, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse, usually occurs in childhood, and is typically deeply interpersonal within the child’s caregiving network. The child has no way to escape, or survive without the parent(s) or caregiver(s), and endures a cruel and imprisoned world of abuse and neglect with no empathetic witness to help or validate the child’s feelings or what’s happening. Often siblings are recruited as proxies to the abuser(s) adding to the vast interpersonal web of perpetrators. The child alone in this situation can endure predatory behaviors such as: scapegoating, gaslighting, stalking and bullying, humiliation, neglect, physical and sexual abuse, withholding of love and attention, making love and affection conditional, and total invalidation of the abuse, and needs of the child. The child has no safe space or family member to retreat to which increases the view of the world that the abuse will never end. Because the brain is still developing and the child is just beginning to learn about the world around them and who they are as an individual in that world, as well as developing first relationships – severe and repetitive trauma interrupts the entire course of their psychological, and neurological development.

When you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it’s not.

_Richard Kadrey

The child who endures this type of trauma begins to cope by going into survival mode and developing deep-seated survival strategies such as giving up and losing their sense of self to try and find a way to appease the abuser(s) and mitigate the trauma, becoming highly adrenalized, hypervigilant, hypersensitive, and hyper-intune to the harasser(s), the environment, and the telltale signs of looming abuse. The child’s brain begins to develop entrenched neural pathways that create survival mechanisms that become the first responders to recurring traumatic events, and the brain is left to fracture and compartmentalize to save and secure the parts that need safety and protection, as well as create parts that mirror the abuser(s). The child’s mind only knows survival under these circumstances. Logic, understanding, reasoning with the perpetrator(s), or speaking to another adult about what is happening is not an avenue for a baby or young child. There is no concept for anger, hatred, being abused, or neglected from a child’s perspective nor the ability to describe what is happening – the only understanding is confusion and the downward spiral to self-hatred, unworthiness, feeling unloved, unloveable, disconnected, separate, unwanted, and constantly under threat. This is the primary reason why abusers choose children because they are easy targets and there are generally no witnesses, or the mechanisms in place to fight back, understand or escape. As the child grows the brain is set up for survival and begins to meet life from this debilitating place of untrustworthy broken relationships, lies, betrayal, lack and scarcity, shame, low self-worth, and a menagerie of inner self-critics on steroids.

Self-hatred is only ever a seed planted from the outside in.

_Hannah Gadsby

The adult survivor therefore must contend with a brain that is still functioning through the lens of survival, and continuing to meet life and all of its challenges and burdens with the limited scope of survival strategies, avoidance, and fear of connection to others, overwhelmed by a nervous system caught in fight-flight mode, and trying to make sense of a patchwork of years of trauma. The healing journey for complex trauma is not an easy one. Finding the right trauma-informed therapist or mentor can help, and having trustworthy friends or loved ones to reach out to that can hold the space for you and love you through difficult times is also essential, and as you heal and integrate you can begin to do this work led by your heart, awareness, compassion, and love for yourself.

As I wept

In the arms of darkness,

I heard the voice of my grandmother say,

Nothing stays the same, darling,

Not even pain.

Life is a path of change.

Of ecstasy and ache.

So, no matter what the storm claims,

Let love light the way.

_Tanya Markul

From the deepest part of myself, I can say that I have found enormous healing through the challenges and overwhelming chaos of CPTSD, what it made me face, and how I had to meet myself every single day, and accept every single moment. This healing did not happen overnight, nor was it easy, gentle or kind. There were a lot of tears and tissues on this path to healing, with plenty more to come – I’m sure. I sought so many avenues of healing and found bits of help, wisdom, and hope along the way that helped me keep going but the elusiveness, scope, and magnitude of complex trauma are monstrous. After having tried just about everything possible to heal but still falling short I surrendered to my usual frustration, and that was when I finally realized that the only time I felt my mind clearing and feeling ok to be in my body was when I was in the moment, and open to a practice of self-care and self-love. The only way forward for me was to learn how to love myself even when I did not know what that looked like or felt like. I had dismissed my own needs and wants as part of my survival so I had to begin to understand and learn what my needs were, what I wanted, and what self-love was so I could begin to build my own safe and unique path back to loving my lost and frightened self.

For those anchored with complex PTSD trying to find remedy and healing can be a caustic and soul-aching journey. It is hard to find the words or the fortitude to explain this complicated and layered condition but the simple truth is when one hurts we all hurt, and when one suffers we all suffer. Finding a way to create a safe space, bring self-care, healing, compassion, community, connection, and courage, and bring more self-love to our aching hearts and traumatized soul is the only way forward. This is the reason I began the essential and loving work of HeartBalm, in hopes of sharing my story, my understanding, my love, and bringing balm to all hearts and souls who find their way here.

It is a gift of long-term survival that one becomes highly functional in the midst of a body and nervous system that is continually hijacked. It takes so much courage, mindfulness, acceptance, and loving yourself completely – warts and all to continue on, to keep trying, breathing, and living. If you are reading this and have endured amid trauma, abuse and neglect I bow to your bravery and courage, and willingness to be here. I see you and I honor your grace and wisdom for continuing, and joining me on this warrior’s journey to meet the self exactly where you are – here – now.

It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.

_Rupi Kaur

Whether you have been on a healing journey, know deeply about the depths of your wounds, or are just beginning to prioritize your healing know that you are deeply loved and begin to step into the wisdom of your own divinity and grace. Let this lead you to open a heart path back to yourself. This commitment is for no one else but you sweet one. The way to peace, self-love, and safety is with the vast and infinite source of love within you. When you begin to witness all aspects of who you are in a safe space of awareness, with self-love, self-compassion, and acceptance you begin to heal. When you prioritize a heart-centered way of living and creating space in your day, in your moments that allow you to pause and be with what is arising then you begin to heal even more. Naturally, over time these spaces begin to expand and become more of who you are and bring peace and fullness to your daily life. Living with complex PTSD can happen, and can become healing of contrast and magnificence that has no equal, and can show you what a precious life this is, and how complete you make this world by simply breathing and being a part of it.

Meditations for each blog are also available at heartbalm.substack.com. Please subscribe or contact me with questions or comments. 

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Subscribe now

[contact-form][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Website” type=”url” /][contact-field label=”Message” type=”textarea” /][/contact-form]

Sunny Lynn, OMC

Sunny Lynn, OMC is a spiritual counselor, writer, poet, photographer, meditator, and nature lover on a mission of transmuting complex trauma through self-love, healing, and bringing balm to hearts everywhere. She has a blog and podcast – HeartBalm at heartbalm.substack.com that speaks on the topic of self-care and self-love, mindfulness and healing while living with CPTSD.

www.heartbalmhealing.com

What is Complex PTSD?

In 2017, the World Health Organization recognized complex post-traumatic stress disorder in the International Classification of Disease (ICD-11) as a legitimate stress disorder separate from PTSD.

Photo by Susan Wilkinson on Unsplash

According to the ICD-11, “Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (Complex PTSD) is a disorder that may develop following exposure to an event or series of events of an extremely threatening or horrific nature, most commonly prolonged or repetitive events from which escape is difficult or impossible (e.g. torture, slavery, genocide campaigns, prolonged domestic violence, repeated childhood sexual or physical abuse). All diagnostic requirements for PTSD are met. In addition, Complex PTSD is characterized by severe and persistent 1) problems in affect regulation; 2) beliefs about oneself as diminished, defeated or worthless, accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt, or failure related to the traumatic event; and 3) difficulties in sustaining relationships and in feeling close to others. These symptoms cause significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning.”

Common mental diagnoses for trauma survivors include: Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Generalize Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Addiction, Eating Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Unfortunately, the American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-V) for the United States does not recognize CPTSD as an accepted diagnosis. While many Americans may present the symptoms noted above, they will not be diagnosed with CPTSD because it doesn’t exist in the DSM-V.

Complex PTSD Symptom Descriptions

Complex PTSD symptoms include affect-dysregulation, negative self-concept, interpersonal disturbances, and the symptoms for PTSD. Symptoms related to PTSD are re-experiencing the traumatic event in the present, avoidance of traumatic reminders, and a sense of current threat, which I will cover in another article. I am going to give a brief description of the CPTSD symptoms below.

Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash

Affect regulation, sometimes called emotional dysregulation, relates to having strongly felt emotions, like overwhelming fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief, and depression, that leave us feeling powerless to control them. The emotional outbursts, sometimes called emotional flashbacks, can last anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours and can be triggered by seemingly minor events that most people wouldn’t react to. Shirley Davis, chief staff-writer for CPTSD Foundation, has an excellent series on emotional flashbacks that is worth the read.

Having a negative self-concept is when we feel inherently worthless, guilty, shameful, less than, or defeated. This negative self-concept is an internal sense that we may have no awareness of.

Interpersonal disturbances are not being able to initiate or maintain interpersonal relationships. Given the interpersonal nature of CPTSD trauma, this is understandable. CPTSD is, at its core, a relational trauma. It is something that is inflicted on people continuously, by people. Brene Brown talks about how we are hardwired for connection, but if connecting to people in the past caused you a tremendous amount of pain, especially as a child, when there was no way of escape, you learn to avoid connection to protect yourself.

CPTSD Symptoms in the Workplace

I want to take a moment to connect the dots between Complex PTSD symptoms and how they play out in the workplace, so people can understand the struggle that we face in this environment.

The triggers for emotional dysregulation seem endless, especially in the work environment. A look, a tone of voice, or a power-over situation can trigger an emotional flashback. An emotional flashback can be particularly disturbing because we may not know why we have such powerful emotions over something seemingly insignificant or why we feel powerless to control it. For me, the unpredictable nature of the emotional flashback was the most disturbing. Often it is not something I can avoid or prepare. They seem to come out of nowhere, like a ninja, and overwhelm my nervous system, leaving me with a tremendous sense of powerlessness. I am learning to tell when I overreact to something because the intensity doesn’t match the situation. In the beginning, however, it was incredibly frightening. When I have an emotional flashback at work, my immediate response is to withdraw from people, so they can’t see me struggling and avoid the shame that inevitably comes when I’ve “lost control.”

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

A negative self-concept can play out in a couple of ways within the workplace. We may enter the workplace with low self-esteem and constantly feel like a failure. We might not believe in ourselves and ultimately think that whatever we do will fail. Often, we have a sense of powerlessness in our ability to succeed and thrive. There is another response to this negative self-concept, which I call the high-functioning overachiever. These folks are continuously fighting against those inner demons and work incredibly hard not to allow their past to impact the rest of their life. They have a hard time saying “no.” They may take on impossible projects to demonstrate their worthiness. Their happy place may be at work, where they feel a sense of accomplishment. I fit into that category. I inherently felt like something was wrong with me and that I had to overcompensate so people wouldn’t see how inadequate I honestly felt on the inside. I worked hard to appear “normal” (whatever that is).

Out of all the CPTSD symptoms, I have found the difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships the most debilitating to my career advancement. For me, networking has not been a problem. I seem to be pretty good at it. The challenge is in cultivating relationships that have some depth to them. It isn’t easy to move up if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone, including your manager or the other leaders of your company. If you don’t trust people, you will not ask for help when you need it because that feeds into your feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. I had Senior Executive tell me once, “performance + relationships = advancement,” and all I could think about was how impossible that seemed to me.

Another relational component that impacts us in the workplace is the nagging feeling that we don’t belong. Often, we don’t feel like we belong anywhere. For me, there was a certain paranoia that if people knew what was going on inside of me and how much I was struggling, “they” would never let me work here. Employee engagement is an essential topic for companies because it influences the retaining of top talent. However, if you don’t feel like you belong, are you going to engage in the company’s activities?

Managing CPTSD Symptoms in the Workplace

Photo by Sydney Rae on Unsplash

An essential skill for managing our symptoms in the workplace is awareness. When CPTSD showed its ugly head in my happy place, I had no idea what was going on or why I could no longer function like I used to. I never even heard of CPTSD or its effects. If you haven’t already, educate yourself on the symptoms. Figure out what symptoms you have and how they affect you in the workplace. Having symptoms of CPTSD does NOT mean you are broken or defective or that there is something wrong with you. These symptoms are normal/typical responses to the terrible experiences we’ve suffered.

The second most important skill for managing our symptoms in the workplace is radical, unconditional acceptance of our symptoms and who we are. That is easy to say and difficult to achieve. I get it. When I was initially diagnosed, I went through a period of denial. I was not a happy camper when I learned what the symptoms were and that I would more than likely have to live with them the rest of my life. It was not fair. I didn’t ask for any of this. Maybe you can relate to the struggle. While those statements are factual, I eventually realized that I could not control what happened to me, but I could control how I dealt with it. It was, what it was, but I was determined not to allow my father or any of my abusers to win. I was not going to let them keep me down and to suffer for the rest of my life.

Somehow, I was going to figure out how to turn this into my competitive advantage. You might be thinking, “yeah, right,” but hear me out. One thing I know about trauma survivors, we are absolutely resilient. Resilient means being “able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.” If you’ve suffered through trauma and are alive today, you are resilient, full stop. You already know how to do hard things because you’ve been through hard things, AND you survived. I hope you understand what a big deal that is. Today, companies find it necessary to train their employees to be resilient because they quit when they come across hard things. You didn’t quit on yourself; you survived.

We need to embrace the lessons we learned to survive and allow them to teach us how to thrive in the workplace. We will continue to learn how to do that as we continue our series, CPTSD in the Workplace.

References

International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (11th ed, ICD-11; World Health Organization, 2019).

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Cyndi Bennett

Believer. Leader. Learner. Advocate. Writer. Speaker. Coach. Mentor. Triathlete. Encourager. Survivor.
 
Most of all, I am a fellow traveler on the rocky road called, Trauma Recovery. My mission is to minimize the effects of trauma for survivors in the workplace.

One question I have seen repeatedly about Complex PTSD is “Why am I having to deal with all this NOW? Why not when it was happening? Why 10/20/30/40 years after the fact?”

In the past, I have often explained that when disfunction is your norm – you don’t see it as dysfunction.

Recently I thought this idea needed to grow. While comparing the environment to a minefield works it doesn’t go far enough. The minefield only addresses the environment, while Complex PTSD is the product of how we adapted to that environment.

Think of all those adaptations we learned or created to keep us safe as a wetsuit. See it in your mind and make it as thick or detailed as you like. Maybe you have one of those ‘survival suits’ for the North Sea, light blinking on the top and bright orange. Perhaps your wet suit is more like the body glove of neoprene we often visualize on Navy Seals and Frogmen.*

No matter how you envision your suit to look it all served one purpose – to preserve your life in a hostile environment. By ‘hostile environment’ any diver will tell you – you don’t need sharks to make the water dangerous. The water itself – everything surrounding you – is quite capable of ending you.

That is the mental state in which many of us grew up. Life itself, our most immediate environment posed an imminent threat to our survival. Perhaps there was a shark – a person(s) with the ability to harm you. Perhaps there was not – but your surroundings were as cold as Arctic waters. And some of us endured both.**

To survive we adapted. Those adaptations became the ‘wetsuit’ we wore to help us survive.

Our ‘wetsuit’ served us while we were in those dangerous places. But as we grow, age, we leave the environment(s) that caused us to make those adaptations.

When we no longer need that wetsuit because we have left the freezing water we don’t abandon it. Primarily because we are unaware of it. Those adaptations are integrated. Our ‘wetsuit’ is an intrinsic part of who we are.

Over time, out of that hostile environment, that wetsuit – our adaptations – no longer serve us. The neoprene becomes hot, binding, restrictive, and could even become more than an impairment, but a danger. ***

It is not a sudden appearance of Complex PTSD. We have carried it with us since we entered that hostile place. The reason for the sudden appearance is not because the wetsuit has changed, but because they have changed their environment and no longer need it.

Now – comes the work of peeling that sucker off. And that’s part of the reason you always have a dive buddy. It is easier to get out of the wetsuit when you have help.

At least, that’s one way to think about it.

*Note: I met one of the original ‘frogmen’, once, years ago. His stories were beyond impressive.
**Note: Just imagine a shark wearing a wooly knit jumper.
***Note: A good friend went to a Halloween party dressed as a ‘diver’ – full suit 5mm – almost cooked himself into heatstroke.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Mari Stewart

Currently I’m trying to find a publisher for novel 1. Writing. Writing. Editing. Editing.
And trying to tame the feral kittens that overrun the tiny town I call home.

mari-stewart.com

This article will focus on the formation of CPTSD in alcoholic (dysfunctional) homes and how it affects children and the adults they become.

Complex Trauma

Complex trauma refers to experiences of children of abuse and neglect that are severe and arise in a child’s early relationships with caregivers, such as living in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional home. Because these experiences occur in early child development, there are many potential impacts on their emotional, social, psychological, and physical development. Not children are affected in the same way as some may show a limited reaction, and for some, the reaction is delayed until adulthood, such as remembering the traumatic events.

A paper written in 2016 sums it up well, “Traumatic events during childhood were associated with later post-traumatic stress symptoms but with classic rather than complex symptoms. Social acknowledgment and dysfunctional disclosure partially mediated this relationship. These findings suggest that childhood traumatic stress impacts individuals across the life span and may be associated with particular adverse psychopathological consequences.”

The experience of complex trauma can lead to many changes in a child’s development, especially on a biological, psychological, and behavioral level (Danese and McCrory, 2015).

Biological. Research has shown that a child who has experienced childhood trauma experiences changes in brain structure and function, higher cortisol levels with associated inflammation.

Psychological. There are changes to how children who have experienced childhood trauma regulate their emotions, develop their sense of self, and impact their self-worth. Complex trauma can lead to an increased risk of mental health disorders such as CPTSD, anxiety, depression, and conduct disorder.

Behavioral. Children exposed to childhood trauma present with many different changes at the behavioral level. These changes include an increased risk of self-harm, poorer educational outcomes, and an increased risk of suicide. There is also a significant impact on the ability of the child to function socially, and they have increased difficulties relating to others.

Forms of complex trauma may include the following (this list is not all-inclusive):

• Bullying
• Community violence
• Medical trauma
• Physical abuse
• Emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Narcissistic abuse

Clearly, complex trauma has an enormous impact on how a child can function, and these changes, if not corrected, continue to afflict them well into adulthood (Danese & Widom, 2020) (Wamser‐Nanney, & Vandenberg, 2013).

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health diagnosis that is so new it does not yet appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the bible of diagnoses published by the American Psychiatric Association.

CPTSD is a diagnosis that captures more symptoms than is available with a formal diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the symptoms of CPTSD include:

• Losing memories of trauma or reliving them
• Difficulty regulating emotions that often manifest as rage
• Depression
• Suicidal thoughts or actions
• Sudden mood swings
• Feeling detached from oneself
• Feeling different from others
• Feeling ashamed
• Feeling guilty
• Difficulty maintaining relationships
• Difficulty trusting others
• Seeking our or becoming a rescuer
• Feeling afraid for no apparent reason
• Having a feeling of always on the alert
• Becoming obsessed with revenge on the perpetrator
• Feeling a loss of spiritual attachment and either ignoring or depending upon religion for self-worth

As with complex trauma, CPTSD is caused by experiencing traumatic events in childhood such as violence, abuse, and neglect but not all people who experience complex trauma develop CPTSD.

CPTSD leaves adults who once lived in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional home reeling in a fog of emotional turmoil that, if left untreated, will lead to a lifetime of suffering.

How Complex Post-Traumatic Disorder Changes Lives

Complex trauma can lead to the formation of CPTSD; we know this to be true. The effects it has on abused children once they become adults is devastating. Below are only a few of the changes and problems adults face who have survived living in a dysfunctional or alcoholic home.

Great difficulty with relationships. Survivors of alcoholic or other dysfunctional homes find it difficult to make and keep casual or intimate relationships with others. Also, survivors do not know how to form relationships and instead will isolate out of fear and mistrust of others.

Problems with Regulating Emotions. Survivors find they cannot appropriately express, express, or control their emotions. A survivor of an alcoholic or other dysfunctional home cannot describe or comprehend their emotions, leaving them either terrified to show emotion or doing so in a volatile manner.

Self-Perception Difficulties. Survivors of alcoholic and other dysfunctional homes perceive themselves as unworthy of dignity and respect. Many grow up believing they are fundamentally flawed or are damaged goods. These survivors have a permeating feeling that they should not have been born and a deep sense of loneliness.

Interruption of Their System of Meaning. A person’s system of meaning involves their assessment of who they are based on their abilities, weaknesses, and feelings. Child abuse interrupts a survivor’s sense of self, leading to a struggle with a belief in justice, ethics, and morality. An interruption of a system of meaning leaves survivors with a contorted outlook on their world.

How to Prevent Complex Trauma and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from Forming

We know what complex trauma is and what causes complex post-traumatic stress disorder, so you would think that ending these horrific disorders would be simple. However, it is much more complicated than it seems.

Society does not want to acknowledge the existence of childhood trauma, and we ignore the human rights of children for health and safety. Instead, we tend to hide our collective heads in the sand, saying to ourselves that childhood trauma only occurs in other people’s families but not our own.

Preventing childhood complex trauma is so complicated that as a society, we have not come together to talk about it because it seems easier to ignore it and believe the children involved will grow out of it.

How long will we not acknowledge the weeping of children who cry themselves to sleep every night? How long will society turn away and pretend someone else will take care of the problem?

It is up to every adult to watch over children’s welfare everywhere and call out childhood abuse and neglect wherever we see it.

“The damage and invisible scars of emotional abuse are very difficult to heal because memories are imprinted on our minds and hearts, and it takes time to be restored. Imprints of past traumas do not mean a person cannot change their future beliefs and behaviors. As people, we do not easily forget. However, as we heal, grieve, and let go, we become clear-minded and focused to live restore and emotionally healthy.” ~ Dee Brown

References

Danese, A., & McCrory, E. (2015). Child maltreatment. Rutter’s child and adolescent psychiatry, 364-375.

Danese, A., & Widom, C. S. (2020). Objective and subjective experiences of child maltreatment and their relationships with psychopathology. Nature human behaviour, 4(8), 811-818.

Krammer, S., Kleim, B., Simmen-Janevska, K., & Maercker, A. (2016). Childhood trauma and complex post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms in older adults: A study of direct effects and social-interpersonal factors as potential mediators. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 17(5), 593-607.

Wamser‐Nanney, R., & Vandenberg, B. R. (2013). Empirical support for the definition of a complex trauma event in children and adolescents. Journal of traumatic stress, 26(6), 671-678.

CPTSD Foundation Awareness Wristbands

Official CPTSD Foundation wristbands to show the world you support awareness, research, and healing from complex trauma.

The official CPTSD Foundation wristbands were designed by our Executive Director, Athena Moberg, with the idea that promoting healing and awareness benefits all survivors. We hope you’ll consider purchasing one for yourself and perhaps one for a family member, friend, or other safe people who could help raise awareness for complex trauma research and healing.

Each purchase of $12 helps fund our scholarship program, which provides access to our programs and resources to survivors in need.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/cptsd-awareness-wristband/

Do you like to color, paint, sew, arts & crafts? How about drawing, model building, or maybe cross stitch? Whatever creative activity you prefer, come to join us in the Weekly Creative Group. Learn more at https://cptsdfoundation.org/weeklycreativegroup

As always, if you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up; we will be glad to help you.  If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

September 2 was complex post-traumatic stress disorder awareness day, and September 10 is suicide awareness day. In this article and those that follow in this series, we shall discover together what complex trauma is and how advocates for those who are experiencing suicidal thoughts can and should advocate for themselves.

Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder

Complex trauma involves multiple exposures to repeated traumatic events and is related to many associated psychological outcomes, such as developing complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) (Briere & Scott 2015).

One of the clues that someone you love is experiencing CPTSD is if they self-harm. Self-harm occurs when a person becomes overwhelmed and deliberately hurts their body. The injuries are anywhere from minor cuts to severe injuries that are life-threatening. As bad as self-injury is, most people who deliberately harm themselves do so without conscious intent to die by suicide (Muelenhkamp, 2005).

Nevertheless, self-harm can result in death and should never be ignored.

People who have been traumatized repeatedly are vulnerable to emotional struggles, a statement that is especially true of children who are abused. Children who are abused can’t process what is happening to them and are in a conundrum because they are totally dependent upon their attacker for survival. This contradiction often causes children to dissociate or stuff the memories of what happened to them and sometimes have amnesia for what occurred.

Some of the symptoms in adults that are caused by complex trauma are as follows:

• Difficulty controlling one’s emotions
• Constantly feeling distrustful or angry at the world
• Feeling empty or hopeless
• Feeling damaged and worthless
• Feeling different from other people
• A consistent feeling that nobody can understand what happened
• Avoiding friendships and relationships or finding them extremely difficult
• Experiencing dissociation such as derealization or depersonalization
• Regularly experiencing suicidal thoughts

It is that last symptom, adults regularly experiencing suicidal thoughts, that we are concerned about in this article.

One critical thing to remember is that you are not responsible for what happened to your loved one. Unless you are the perpetrator, you are a victim too.

Caregivers Helping Themselves

Most of us know someone who has experienced complex trauma. Perhaps it is a friend, a sibling, a spouse, or a child, but complex trauma leaves the person experiencing it in need of help.

However, caregivers often find themselves expending vast amounts of energy on their hurting loved ones and neglecting their own needs. This avoidance of taking care of oneself is a recipe for disaster.

Caregivers must advocate for themselves, reaching out to their friends and finding ways to mitigate their distress because they have a suicidal and mentally ill loved one.

To some caregivers, the thought of self-sacrifice for a dear loved one may seem the norm since they are the parent or partner, but sacrificing oneself for someone else will not help them. In fact, it can inhibit their growth and healing.

It is okay to take care of yourself if you are caught up in caring for someone who has a history of suicidal ideation or has attempted to die by suicide. If you truly want to help them, give them one last thing to worry about by taking good care of yourself.

Remember always that you are not alone. There are millions of people in your shoes who understand what you are going through.

How Can You Help Your Loved One Who Has Suicidal Ideation?

The first step in helping your loved one is understanding the stats behind suicide. Of the 66% who attempt suicide, 80% had prior known mental health problems. People who have a mental health condition are much more likely to die by suicide than other groups, and this stat increases if there are several coexisting mental health disorders (Nock et al., 2010). However, sometimes people who have no diagnosis of a mental health disorder die by suicide, although this number’s statistics are not available (Nepon et al., 2010).

There are basically three steps you can take to assist a loved one who is suffering from suicidal ideation.

One is to get help for yourself. See a mental health professional to find ways to take care of yourself despite the pain you see in your loved one’s eyes. It may feel awkward to attend therapy at first, but the strength and self-awareness you gain are priceless.

Two is to learn the warning signs of suicide so that you can be aware. There are many signs to watch for such as isolating or feeling they are a burden on you. In these cases, don’t be afraid to ask your loved ones questions about how they are feeling and doing. Listen intently to their words, and do not allow them to blow off your inquiries with a nonchalant answer.

According to the American Association of Suicidality, there are more signs to watch for in a loved one who may be suicidal.

• Disturbed sleep patterns
• Anxiety
• Agitation
• Pulling away from friends and family
• Isolating
• Self-hating thoughts or words
• Saying they feel like they don’t belong
• Hopelessness
• Rage
• Irritability
• Feeling trapped
• Increased use of alcohol or drugs
• Feeling that they are a burden to others
• Loss of interest in favorite activities
• Expressing the thought that “nothing matters.”
• Giving up on themselves
• Risky behavior
• Suicidal thoughts, plans, actions
• Sudden mood changes for the better

All these signs are things to watch for in your loved one, but you cannot and must not spend your entire existence looking and worrying over them. That would not be healthy for either your loved one or you.

The third step is a difficult one. It would be best if you accepted the fact that you have no control over what other people do, not even your adult child. Suicidal ideation can become suicidal actions quickly, and you cannot stop someone determined to die no matter what you do or don’t do. Your only recourse is to take care of yourself and stay out of your loved one’s way as much as possible so that they can heal. Yes, make sure they know you love them and want them around, but do not wrap your entire life around them.

Options for You If You Love Someone Who is Experiencing Suicidal Ideation

One of the main reasons we are offering this series on self-advocacy in the face of suicide is because there is very little information about it on the internet. I’m sure families have searched and searched only to find hundreds of articles on helping suicidal people but not themselves.

We want you to know you have options to help yourself while loving someone who lives with suicidal ideations or is at high risk for suicide.

One thing you can do for yourself is to seek out a therapist. Although this has already been mentioned, seeking help for yourself is vital to keep you from becoming a statistic yourself. In a therapist’s office, you can share your tears and fears, pouring out your frustrations and helplessness. In doing so, you will find the relief and release that will allow you to carry on despite the danger to your loved one.

Another thing you can do for your sanity is to journal. Journaling helps people to deal with their overwhelming emotions and is a fantastic way to express themselves. Journaling can help you manage anxiety, reduce stress, and cope with the overwhelming emotions you face each day when dealing with someone prone to suicidal ideation.

Journaling helps control your worries and improves your mood by:

• Helping you to prioritize your fears, problems, and concerns
• Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk
• Identifying negative thought patterns and behaviors

When you feel stressed, keeping a journal will help you identify what’s causing the stress and anxiety to work on a plan to resolve them and reduce your stress.

A third thing you can do for yourself is to make artwork to express how you feel. Paint, draw, doodle, use any medium to put down on paper or canvas how you are feeling about what is going on with your loved one. No one needs to see your artwork; in fact, you can throw it away. However, by expressing yourself on paper or canvas, you can see how you are feeling emotionally, and this is powerful because you can visualize your emotions and feelings instead of harboring them in silence.

Know Where to Turn

When someone is suicidal or knows someone exhibiting signs of suicidal ideation, they need to turn to experts for help.

The first line of defense is your family doctor. Tell them that you are concerned about your loved one or yourself and be honest about suicidal ideations. Your physician will get you the help you need right away, sometimes resorting to entering you into the hospital for observation. While going to the hospital is not ideal, doing so will keep you or your loved one alive while the doctors attempt medications to decrease the anxiety or depression causing the problem.

Your second line of defense is knowing organizations that can help.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Call or Chat Online). This resource is available 24/7 at the following number: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)

Contact them whenever you feel worried about someone who may be contemplating dying by suicide.

Crisis Text Line. In the age we live in, more and more people opt to text instead of talking on the phone. The Crisis Text Line is available 24/7, and you can reach them by texting “GO” to 741741.

Ending Our Time Together

Being the caregiver or loved one of someone who has suicidal ideation isn’t easy on anyone. Both the caregiver and the person contemplating suicide are stressed to the maximum and in danger.

It is time for articles to be written that explain to loved ones of the suicidal that they can and must take care of themselves. Plus, there needs to be more information about caring for yourself when facing the thought that someone you love may not survive.

Please, if you feel overwhelmed by a loved one living with suicidal ideation, seek out help for yourself. You can investigate the programs offered by CPTSD Foundation, and if you cannot afford to pay, there are scholarships available at the following link: https://cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship-application/

We don’t want anyone to suffer alone in silence.

If you will, can you please forward or share this post with a friend or on your social platforms? CPTSD Foundation would like to help more people.

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as it is of letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs, and becoming who you are.” Rachel Naomi Remen

References

American Association of Suicidality. Warning signs of acute suicide risk. Retrieved from http://suicidology.org/resources/warning-signs/

Briere, J., & Scott, C. (2015). Complex trauma in adolescents and adults: Effects and treatment. Psychiatric Clinics, 38(3), 515-527.

Nepon, J., Belik, S., Bolton, J., & Sareen, J. (2010). “The relationship between anxiety disorders and suicide attempts: Findings from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions.” Depression and Anxiety, 27, 791–798. DOI:10.1002/da.20674.

Nock, M.K., Hwang, I., Sampson, N.A., & Kessler, R.C. (2010). “Mental disorders, comorbidity, and suicidal behavior: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication.” Molecular Psychiatry, 15(8), 868-876.

If you or a loved one live in the despair and isolation that comes with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, please, come to us for help. CPTSD Foundation offers a wide range of services, including:

• Daily Calls
• The Healing Book Club
• Support Groups
• Our Blog
• The Trauma-Informed Newsletter
• Daily Encouragement Texts

All our services are reasonably priced, and some are even free. So, to gain more insight into how complex post-traumatic stress disorder is altering your life and how you can overcome it, sign-up; we will be glad to help you.  If you cannot afford to pay, go to www.cptsdfoundation.org/scholarship to apply for aid. We only wish to serve you.

Shirley Davis

My name is Shirley Davis and I am a freelance writer with over 40-years- experience writing short stories and poetry. Living as I do among the corn and bean fields of Illinois (USA), working from home using the Internet has become the best way to communicate with the world. My interests are wide and varied. I love any kind of science and read several research papers per week to satisfy my curiosity. I have earned an Associate Degree in Psychology and enjoy writing books on the subjects that most interest me.

www.learnaboutdid.com

                                                                           

It’s been years since she broke free from being either goddess of the universe or scum of the earth – usually the latter more than the former. On one hand, she was bestowed extravagant devotion to the point of embarrassment. Conversely, without warning, a cloak of silence was bound about her. Deliberate, mind-numbing silence in which she was disregarded for days and sometimes weeks at a time.

She finally left but the ravages of her maltreatment did not, she was to learn.

Our stories are not all the same, but the path of our stories have brought us here — under the umbrella of CPTSD. I met Cara a few years after her divorce at a company workshop. Just a couple of years apart in age (and sharing the same birthday month), we became inevitable sister-friends. The first hint of trouble was when her infrequent flashbacks became progressively more interruptive of both sleep and daytime activity. I was the one who suggested that she research the topic of flashbacks.

Like many of you, no doubt, Cara was familiar with the anxiety condition labeled Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But she was no military soldier returning from the ravages of war! Why was her research taking her to this topic? As she kept digging she had a breakthrough (or more specifically jaw-drop) when research took her to a distinction of PTSD labeled Complex PTSD — with the differentiation of prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in which the person has little or no chance of perceived escape.

Further research took Cara to recognized specialists in the study of “narcissistic abuse” (another new term in her vocabulary), Who knew there was a whole branch of Psychology specializing in this topic? Cara was shaken to realize that she matched most of the debilitating symptoms of CPTSD including flashbacks, hyperarousal, and difficulty sleeping (with harrowing nightmares). Again, she had a basic knowledge of flashbacks but it was a totally foreign concept to her… until these invasive and vividly physical recollections attacking her waking hours increased! She’d be working on an innocuous past-time and a rogue thought would trigger a vividly painful recollection from years previously, and she’d be inexplicable “physically” in the moment of that traumatic life episode.

Thankfully, Cara’s research also brought her to a community of professional resources including subject matter experts, therapists, and the CPTSD Foundation – and with that, answers, support, and relief. The flashbacks and nightmares are now gone and in my next article, I’ll share the steps Cara took to alleviate them. In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, noted author Bessel van der Kolk asserts that “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs…”

Acknowledging the warning signs is a major first hurdle. Cara tends to be quite pragmatic, resisting the idea that she was in any way a victim. (Even in her marriage she never regarded herself that way.) No “victim mentality” for her…no, indeed!

Hmm. Yes, indeed! She was a victim who was emotionally (and sometimes physically) mistreated on a treacherous level. By any other word, that’s a victim. Embracing that stance of “victim” was a major breakthrough for my friend because it made her receptive to solutions towards healing.

Cara has come to a measurable distance over the past 3-4 years, and I hope to support you with her story. She’s evolved from bruised tunnel vision to hope-filled proportions. She’s not quite there, but her enthusiasm for life is renewed, her life perspective is improved and she’s more comfortable with herself these days. As her comrade, I’ve benefited from the growth of Cara.

THE AWAKENING

Cara is a natural born “fixer.” You know, folks who enjoy – almost compulsively – finding solutions to problems. More specifically, other people’s problems. (In retrospect Cara discovered that narcissistic abusers actually target “givers” like her.) Back in 2018, she started a new job as a Contract Administrator, and she was thrilled to get this position. It’s remote, pays extremely well, and she could set her own hours. It truly is a dream job (she’s still there).

During the online orientation session of new employees from around the United States, Cara was delighted to learn that a fellow new employee Ann (not her real name) lived just a couple miles from her. Later Cara and Ann emailed each other, excited about meeting each other, and Cara arranged lunch at her house.

“Tell me about yourself,” Anna said as they excitedly marveled about the odds of living so close to each other through this globally affiliated company! “Are you married?”

Cara later recalled that she absent-mindedly dove in on her narcissistic spouse, how badly she was treated, and that she’d left and didn’t look back! She said her reaction was immediately apologetic. “I’m so sorry,” she said, quite dismayed with herself. “I’ve just met you and I’m creating a terrible impression! I’m not usually this candid with a new friend.”

Ann paused introspectively and said, “I realize now why you and I were brought together. My husband is a narcissist and we’re not getting along. I’m very unhappy, and nobody understands. It sounds like you understand.” Thus began a luncheon that, as Cara told me, she’d not forget — conversing with a woman who was living the torment that she had left and was steeped in pain and confusion.

Cara says that Ann was brought into her life because her natural reaction would be to “look for solutions for Ann. “What I didn’t realize at the time,” she said, “is that in doing so, I’d discover my own path towards healing…discover solutions for me!”

Providence? I’m convinced of it beyond any shadow of a doubt. Ann wasn’t inclined to “look for solutions” for herself regarding the after-effect of her marriage. That’s not my friend. She’d simply left and resumed her life. However, as stated before, the body never forgets. Cara’s flashbacks, autoimmune issues and fibromyalgia attest to that fact.  Whereas she was physically freed, nonetheless the toll of mental and emotional mistreatment percolated within her.

The next several months were a tumble down Alice’s rabbit hole indeed!

Next article: “Flashbacks Be Gone!”

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Charlene Kwan

Charlene is a Personal Brand Specialist for a recognized Career Management company, enabling job seekers to position themselves as an authority in their industry, elevating their credibility and differentiating themselves from the competition. Her background is Corporate Training before transitioning into Career Management. She is also a workshop presenter and speaker.