A survivor poem…

And through all of this messiness and brokenness and trauma
I begin to piece together a more cohesive story of me
I discover forgotten, wounded parts of myself
Sealed into catacombs of silence and submission long ago
Demanding to be heard

I find clues in the unearthing process
A master’s fingerprints
Left behind from the intimate touch of creation
Marks from the tools required to shape the impossible memory-stone
A passionate forcefulness
A fierceness of intellect
An iron will
An impeccable thoroughness
Only I could have done this

I gaze upon my crafted wonders
The beautiful, terrible things that I have built
In order to survive

Retching at the stench of pain and loneliness
Repulsed by my own neediness
I seek out
I excavate
I uncover
I tend to
The softer pieces of myself

And at every turn
There is a reassuring presence
An everlasting fire
A network of fibers
I encounter the unbreakable threads of my own strength
Weaving together lifetime after lifetime
Of my own experience and being
Into a cohesive story of me
A master craftsman
An amateur archaeologist
A cohesive story of me

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Cassie Sands

Cassie (they/them, she/hers) is an Aerospace Engineer, Planetary Scientist, and complex trauma survivor pursuing a PhD in Space & Planetary Sciences at the University of Arkansas. They started writing as a way to make sense of and find meaning in their own story, and write about lived experiences including childhood sexual abuse, narcissitic abuse, anxiety and depression, religious abuse, and being a queer and non-binary person. When they are not doing research or going to therapy, Cassie enjoys reading, cooking, traveling, and spending time with their dog Reggie.