As I have delved further into trauma work and my recovery from Complex PTSD (CPTSD), I have noticed a vast overlap with my Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (OCD) symptoms.  I have had OCD since childhood and still struggle with bouts of it today. For years, I didn’t even realize I had any ‘trauma;’ I personally just chalked it all up to being ‘an overthinker,’ and later OCD once I received that diagnosis at nineteen years old.  

I will start by explaining what OCD is, what CPTSD is, and how they influence each other for me. I want to emphasize that this is my experience and my experience only; not everyone with OCD has underlying trauma and not everyone with complex trauma will develop OCD. For me, Obsessive-Compulsive disorder genetically runs in the family, so I was likely to get it whether or not I experienced trauma. I feel that trauma has only exacerbated the OCD further.  

What is OCD? 

OCD is characterized as an anxiety disorder, one that involves obsessive, intrusive thoughts followed by compulsions. This can look vastly different for everyone. One person with OCD may have fears of contracting a deadly illness and wash their hands hundreds of times a day, while another person may question their sexuality repeatedly and have to touch the wall to reduce the thoughts. Others might convince themselves they are hitting someone with their car and have to check and re-check the spot they drove over to ensure they didn’t hurt anyone. Someone else might need to align everything in perfect symmetry to ‘prevent’ their family from dying. The key factors are obsessions and compulsions, anxiety, and the knowledge that these anxieties and compulsions are irrational to some extent. Often magical thinking is involved, such as thinking that touching the window in increments of two will keep one safe from a natural disaster.  

What is CPTSD? 

If you’re on this blog, you likely know what CPTSD is, so the short version—CPTSD is essentially PTSD with additional symptoms like emotional dysregulation, relationship challenges, excess shame and guilt, attachment struggles, and dissociation. CPTSD arises from not just one trauma but ongoing trauma (some examples include emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, bullying, discrimination, and others), typically beginning in childhood, although not always. CPTSD survivors may have many comorbid conditions too. Speaking from my own experience at least, I had developed poor coping mechanisms for most of my life because of my complex trauma, such as eating disorders, self-harm, and other addictive behaviors. Many of us also struggle with depression, personality disorders, substance abuse, and chronic physical health issues.  

My Story with OCD and CPTSD 

I was diagnosed with OCD at nineteen years old, despite struggling for the majority of my life with it. I don’t remember a time I didn’t struggle with OCD and Generalized Anxiety disorder. I also have ADHD and Autism, conditions that I was born with but were not identified until later. I grew up feeling different for several reasons, including being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and grappling with those struggles. It has taken eight years of therapy (I am now twenty-eight years old) to have teased apart all of these factors. My OCD has centered around many themes, but the main themes I have dealt with since my teen years, and subsequently as an adult, have been around sex and harming others with my car. Two very different subjects, but both are very common for someone with OCD.  

While the intensity of my intrusive thoughts and compulsions was irrational and very characteristic of OCD, what I hadn’t made the connection to until this year was the way my traumas have influenced the content of my OCD.  

Let’s start with my fear that I was going to hurt someone while driving my car. I feared hitting a pedestrian, to the point that I would obsessively check the rearview mirror for people even in the middle of the highway, touching and tapping the window as an additional compulsion. As I said, this is not an uncommon thing for a person with OCD. That said, mine was not ‘random.’ I had been hit by a car as a pedestrian at the age of sixteen. I had already had OCD at that time, but my symptoms became more severe, likely from both the head trauma I endured and the emotional trauma of being hit.  

The next topic is much harder for me to discuss, but I have been able to come to terms with this through EMDR and IFS therapy this year. This combination of therapies has truly helped me. I have dealt with taboo thoughts, like many with OCD, around sex, sexuality, and harming others in a sexual way. For the vast majority with OCD, this is random and just a symptom of overactive basal ganglia. For me, that was part of it, but I also believe that my OCD latched onto this subject because of my history of childhood sexual trauma. It has been hard for me to tease apart what is my OCD and what is my reality, but I have had a very skilled therapist that has helped me do so. I have had to engage in OCD-specific treatment and CPTSD-specific treatment. For years I was only treating the OCD, that wasn’t enough. It didn’t alleviate the OCD as much as trauma treatment in conjunction has. It also didn’t address the CPTSD-specific issues I have, such as dissociation, emotional flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, etc.  

I share my story so that others can know that they are not alone. Perhaps you relate; perhaps you don’t. Either way, OCD in my opinion can most certainly be tied in with trauma, especially when you also have a genetic predisposition to the condition. I do emphasize that this is my experience and that everyone is different. I have worked with several professionals to get to this point, and I am grateful that today I can function in most respects. That said, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I have to take medication daily for my OCD—and other conditions like ADHD, anxiety, and Bipolar disorder—and I go to therapy weekly and work on self-care every day. Discovering this past year that I have CPTSD, and treating it, has made a world of difference to my recovery from all mental health conditions.  

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

Share on Facebook

Tweet

Save

Kaden McNamara