The Suit of Life
A Message for Self-Love
By Jesse Donahue 2023 ©
I can see the powerful impact that self-expression makes upon the world of others and, most fundamentally, within myself.
The morning shines with a new day rising, and we don our clothes, our suit adorned, accentuating our desired impression upon the world of others, or simply utilitarian in covering ourselves by social law. It goes mostly unnoticed, superficial in its importance to the day, at least by most. It is routine. To be simplistic, we put on clothes as part of being an animal that wears clothes, but do we really feel the full impact of our attire, or as I have referred to, our suit? There is more than one way to conceive of a suit being worn as an impression spoken to the world and oneself. That is what this essay entails: the multifaceted expressions of being suited up to meet the day. There is a new awakening within me. I can see the powerful impact that self-expression makes upon the world of others and, most fundamentally, within myself.
Shakespeare spoke of the whole world as a stage. We are the actors performing on the stage of human life. The costume’s powerful impressions so often go mostly unnoticed, having been relegated to the subconscious mind. Many of us do not pay attention to the impact our image empowers in ourselves and others. Nor do we realize how impactful a negative self-expression is to our state of mind. I have come to see the image worn and shown to the public as being far more than a fabric creatively shaped and adorned by individuals. Our image is expressed by our appearance and by emotional and physical factors that do not directly relate to clothing but are nonetheless a part of the suit we present to the world. One’s physical beauty and one’s visible attitudes toward experiencing life are all expressions shown as a part of a package presented to our social world.
Studies have shown that people like those with beautiful, desired features and traits. That is not to say those of us who are less attractive are not liked and loved. Beauty is praised and sought after in our culture. We feel the indoctrination by the media’s propaganda, commercial after commercial. I must confess that seeing an extraordinarily beautiful woman can feel like a religious experience. As if fulfilling a poetic masterpiece. Beauty can be captivating, somewhat similar to free entrance into a show that fulfills the senses. Why am I writing my impressions of expressing to the world the suit we wear and show to others? It is because I have witnessed a previously unnoticed phenomenon within myself. In my life, I have experienced, over varying durations of time, a sense of my emotions being numb as though I am deadened to certain emotions of life’s experiences. At other times in my life, those feelings were a bit more vibrant, at least they felt as if they were radiating in a more natural flow.
Interestingly, awareness of all this was blocked from my ability to recall that information.
As I was talking with a friend, I was speaking of my experience of not being as able to feel a sense of sexual energy in my life as I had known in the past. Well, I am getting on into the years, but still, it dawned on me that it may be partly the suit I am presenting to the world that is sapping my free flow of emotions. It is more, far more, than just being improperly or poorly dressed. Of course, we have all heard it said that the suit makes the man or woman. In many ways, that is true, if others think so and if we believe it is so. I am overweight. It was not so long ago that I had lost thirty pounds, and caught myself at that time, several years ago, paying attention to my sexual energy re-awakening. “Now what the hell is this all about?” I asked myself. Since that time, all that weight has returned, and those energies are again turned down. Interestingly, awareness of all this was blocked from my ability to recall that information.
Here again, I’ve noticed that age is a factor that has turned down the burner on energies that once churned in my life. It may be a bit of a normal slowing down, being a part of the aging process… but. Here too, I had seen a psychic picture of myself recalled from a couple of years ago of a man standing in front of the mirror and seeing, deeply, an aging man, Grandpa. That changed my life. It changed my mindset and put up psychological barriers to seeing myself as that younger man I had always known. I’ve come to see that my being emotionally blocked from my free-floating energy from my past is “my projection” onto others as to how they think and feel about me. My internalized experience of myself as being overweight and now being older has shut down my inner energies and left me repressed and blocked. This same phenomenon pertains to other issues in my life where energies, once more present, and where feelings had been experienced, are now absent or turned down, living in a state of numbness.
What is our sense of self?
This acknowledgment awakened my understanding of my ability to project onto others my feelings and attitudes about myself being overweight, “projection.” I fear I will not be as welcomed by others, so I turn myself off and emotionally hide (though not consciously). The same stands true for my age. I project onto others that they will be less interested in me (the “Grandpa Syndrome,” I should call this), so I turn myself off and avoid many interactions. It is my thinking that certain expectations are no longer met for one who is older or overweight. I am no longer that skinny young man. My deep-seated belief about myself is shutting down my energies. I have no real clue of what others are thinking, even though I tell myself they will not be as welcoming to me. I do not like myself as I am. My eyes create the problem. The problem does not emanate from others.
The bottom line: our expression of self to the world outside, adorned with colorful glittery jewelry, and fine expensive fabrics, is all just a self-illusion if we do not love the being that we are. Who would we be in our minds if we did not have the glittering jewels, fancy car, the expensive house, and on and on and on? When you stop and think about it, one is either loved for who they are, or they are not loved at all. Am I being naive here? If the fancy adornments are necessary to be loved within our mind, where does that leave us if we misplace our required artifacts that accentuate our expression to the world? Those who love us: will they really change their feelings toward us if we no longer shine with the image I seem to have always felt is needed? Was that image needed? Have they loved the image of who I present to the world, and not me? Who am I really? Would that leave me unlovable, or show they are capable of only loving an external presentation of who they want me to be? In the end, self-acceptance, self-understanding, and self-love are what I have been trying to grasp. With or without the outer costume to the world, if we do not love ourselves, it creates all sorts of issues in our lives. Some are not so impactful, but others can be critical in their effect on our happiness or lack thereof, upon even our ability to feel and experience the free flow of our own emotions. Where is our true identity? What is our sense of self?
Photo by Mohamed Jamil Latrach on Unsplash
Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.
*Copyright notice. All writings are copyrighted and registered with the Library of Congress.
Therapy has helped improve self-understanding and writing skills through journaling and essays. Although this writing journey began in later years, it has led to 70+ essays oriented around issues with CPTSD… a trauma disorder.
My writings, which include therapy notes, poems, novels (unpublished), and essays, are all a part of my ongoing personal therapy. Initially, the essays, intended for my therapist’s eyes only, began with exposing my thoughts, fears, and feelings (or the lack of) onto paper… a journal of therapy notes. Then, with fear overcome and via a personal decision, I shared them with the readers. *My thanks to the editor of the CPTSD Foundation. My intent is to encourage readers to recognize traits in themselves and find (if desired) a therapist when they are willing and ready for that step. For some of us, it can be a long and challenging process, over extensive periods, to awaken to the unconscious issues that cause us to act out in life. Our behavior may seem like dancing to a buried, invisible cause we cannot directly see or confront. It is my sincere hope that my insights will assist the reader in the process toward reaching a deeper self-understanding.
Bringing the unconscious out into the light of self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance fosters self-love and the process of change.
Jesse B. Donahue
*Type a keyword into the foundations search engine. (Jesse, Heart, Personal, Twelve, Bugaboo, etc.) Or, Type Jesse Donahue at the The CPTSD Foundation on a Google search.
Published with the CPTSD foundation. Top 10 essays in order of views:
- The Heart of the Matter
- Personal Honor, Integrity, Dignity, Honesty
- Twelve Days Without Coffee
- The Hidden Bugaboo
- Learned Helplessness
- Cast Out of Eden by Toxic Shame
- Codependency – Overriding the Monster of Self-Hate
- The Emptiness of Yesterday
- Surfing the Light Through the Darkness
- The Man Who Lives Under the Bridge
Other published writings at the foundation (in no particular order):
What an Outside Appearance May Not Show. Designer Identity.
The Crumbs and The Banquet. Inspirational Tugging – Teachers.
Obedience to the Light – Bombs or Love. We are but Storytellers.
Stepping Into the Shoes of Who You Are. Living in the Dis-World.
A Writer’s Brain – The Gift. The Highway of Worries.
The beganning. SPECTRUM.
