TRIGGER WARNING – This article discusses sexual abuse.
We are going to address an often ignored topic: sibling s*xual abuse. Over the 17 years of doing this work, I’ve supported countless people in healing from this type of abuse, which has its own unique aspects that need to be looked at and addressed in order to process and integrate the trauma and move forward.
Sibling s*xual abuse is a deeply distressing experience that can have profound effects on individuals. Unlike abuse by a stranger or an adult, sibling abuse occurs within the intimate circle of family life, making the path to healing complex and challenging. The added component that the sibling may have been a minor often leads people to dismiss further or not know how/if to hold the person accountable.
Sibling s*xual abuse involves any s*xual activity between siblings where one is the aggressor (regardless of age!) and the other is the victim. It can range from inappropriate touching to other forms of s*xual assault. Due to the familial bond and the complexities of sibling relationships, victims often face unique emotional and psychological struggles.
Yet healing is possible!
Victims of sibling s*xual abuse may experience a range of emotions including shame, guilt, fear, confusion, and anger. They may struggle with feelings of betrayal and a loss of trust not only in the abuser but also in other family members who may not have intervened or believed them.
In my work, helping clients come to terms with the reality of the abuse is the first crucial step. Many survivors of sibling abuse may initially minimize or rationalize what happened due to feelings of loyalty or fear of disrupting family dynamics. Acknowledging the abuse and accepting its impact is essential for moving forward.
Another big step is learning how to navigate family dynamics. In some cases, family therapy may be beneficial to address communication breakdowns, establish accountability, and create a safe environment for healing.
Healing from sibling s*xual abuse is possible with support, understanding, and a commitment to self-care. Survivors deserve compassion, validation, and the opportunity to rebuild their lives free from the trauma of their past experiences.
By acknowledging the abuse, seeking help, and nurturing yourself, you can reclaim your sense of agency and move forward on your journey toward healing.
To healing!
P.S. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.
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Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach and M.A. in Counseling Psychology. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse. Based on her educational training, study of neuroscience, and lessons learned from her own journey, she has successfully used the Beyond Surviving Program since 2007 to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and unfixable break free from the pain of abuse and finally move on with their lives.
Bonjour j’ai un frère qui est très très méchant avec moi au téléphone il m’insulte sans arrêt et il me critique sans arrêt et il me commande sans arrêt et avec ses message très très méchant avec moi sa fait 3 semaines que nous nous sommes fâcher c’est un con que faire a votre avis je devrais plus lui répondre merci
Yes! You’re allowed to stop answering him.
What you’re describing (constant insults, criticism, control, and nasty messages) is not a “communication problem,” it’s a boundaries problem.
A few grounded options you can choose from:
Mute / stop responding: You are not obligated to stay in contact with someone who is abusive to you.
One clear boundary message (optional): “I’m not available for conversations where I’m being insulted or spoken to disrespectfully. I’ll disengage if that continues.”
Structured contact only: If you don’t want full cutoff, you can limit to text/email only and only respond when respectful.
Full no-contact (if needed): Especially if every interaction escalates or impacts your mental health.
A key reframe:
You don’t have to prove he’s being a jerk to justify distance. His behavior is already enough data.
A simple decision question:
“Do I feel more regulated or more dysregulated after contact with him?”
If the answer is consistently dysregulated, reducing or stopping contact is a valid protective choice — not a punishment.