Trigger Warning: This can cause a trauma response.
When I was little and helpless to escape my abusive environment, my brain formed a rather amazing coping strategy to distract me from the fear and pain. It is a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) called Arithmomania.
For me, it has morphed over time. Back then, I organized and counted spaces around me. I made the counting end symmetrically. It’s too complicated to explain, as it often is for those that formed this type of trauma response.
Today, I put digits in numerical order. Like addresses on mailboxes, digital clocks or license plates.
*See other interesting examples I’ve heard of at the bottom of this post.
OCD is in the Flight Category of the 4Fs
I have Complex PTSD from childhood abuse and ODC is a trauma response that falls under the Flight category (out of the 4 F responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn), according to Pete Walker in his book “CPTSD From Thriving to Surviving”.
It is considered a Flight response because it is a means of distracting the mind from an unbearable reality. While the body was not able to escape, the mind could —through distracting mental processes like Arithmomania. (Note: this can also manifest through compulsively thinking about, organizing and compiling letters and words.)
The Prevalence of OCD
The National Library of Medicine states that OCD is suggested to impact 1-2% of the population. However, my own experience and research say that percentage is much greater.
OCD has many forms. Some forms are noticeable in others, such as compulsive cleaning or checking. Some are very disruptive to one’s life. Those are the instances that get counted in the population.
Other forms of OCD, however, like Arithmomania, are usually not detectable because the processes are happening within a person’s head, and because those processes are often complex, they’re hard to describe to others. Many who have tried to describe them report getting blank stares in return. Eventually, attempts to describe are abandoned. Many cases of OCD are mild to moderate and don’t require outside intervention. Those are the instances that are not counted.
Medications That Help
Fortunately for me, my Arithmomania is not severe enough to impact my quality of life. I simply notice that I’m doing it and let it happen. It can be comforting during times of stress. Some people even consider it a great skill or superpower, coming up with cool names for themselves like “The Code Cracker.”
However, if this or another form of OCD is creating hardship, there are medications that seem to help, according to studies and testimonies from those I’ve spoken with.
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Anafranil: This drug is a tricyclic antidepressant specifically for OCD.
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NAC (aka: N-Acetyl Cysteine): Studies show that OCD is caused by a “glutamate dysfunction”. NAC is a glutamate modulator that shows promising results in the few studies performed to date.
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SSRIs: I have been on several kinds of SSRIs and can personally report that my OCD is definitely dulled while on these drugs.
Conclusion
The bottom line, the brain is absolutely fascinating, particularly in the ways it works to protect! While OCD may have formed as a program to shield a person during a particularly difficult part of life, it doesn’t necessarily just go away when the danger is gone.
If needed, medication can be helpful to reduce any negative impact it may have on daily life.
Otherwise, it can be seen as an innocuous way of coping with mild to moderate stress. Many reports are simply awed by the way their brains work to solve complicated mathematical operations or complex word games automatically.
For me, it’s just a special part of who I am. Like Count Dracula. Ahh Ahh AHHHH!
*Examples of Arithmomania:
“I count the steps I take within a concrete block without stepping on cracks. I also count the steps every time I walk up them. I know how many there are but I do it every time.”
“I count stairs every time I’m on them. I also do this counting/pattern in my head of my age.”
“I know someone who writes numbers in a notebook over and over. I asked them why they do it and they said they didn’t know why, they said they just really liked doing it.”
“I do this with words and letters. I am constantly rearranging letters in my head to see how many other words I could make with one particular word or by putting letters of a word into alphabetical order.”
“I used to take all the digits of any grouping together, like dates or barcodes or addresses, and find the operations necessary to make them equal 8, my favorite number.”
“I’m a counter, in 4s.”
“For many years, every word I heard or spoke, I would have to work out in my head how many letters on the QWERTY keyboard would be typed with each hand.”
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Sarah H. Clarke is a writer and author that uses her passion for research and idea exploration to educate, create awareness, inspire and provoke further thought and conversation about what she believes is the most under-recognized human crisis of our time: trauma.
In 2021, Sarah was astonished to discover childhood trauma as the root cause of her lifetime’s worth of emotional turmoil. While she had managed to be generally successful in life, she still had a deep-seated distrust in others and was terrorized by the looming vat of depression and tyrannical feelings of self-consciousness and anxiety that seem to arise from nowhere.
With that new information in hand, Sarah was inspired to find out more, to heal herself and change her life—transform it from the life she built in fear to one built on self-love, confidence and authenticity. She humbly shares her experiences and findings on this journey through her website & blog and invites you to follow her at www.sarahhclarke.com.
I have fought this fight since 1963 but my outcome was completely different. My brain was injured while being dead for three and a half minutes. When the brain is injured, it usually over heals itself, causing what I call a Savant effect. In eighth grade, I ended up teaching myself geometry. It became my profession and I ended up sitting on Citibank’s Advanced Business Development team as their Sr. Financial and Data Analyst.
Do not buy into the BS that we are limited in our fight against CPTSD! We are remarkable people that have much to offer to the entire world.
I count syllables in sentences that I speak or that someone else is saying. When I see a group of numbers, I make them make sense in other ways. For example, if the address is 16424, it becomes 1×6=4+2 and 2+4. Sometimes, I have to get creative because I want it to work out— like algebra. I don’t think it comes from trauma, and I don’t personally think it’s a mental disorder. I think it comes from brain boredom. I also think that it keeps my math skills sharp.
???? wow I am so happy to know someone does something similar to what I do
Me too, Ronda! It’s good to know we are note alone in our “differentces” ! Thanks for sharing!
I count anything square or circle and try to make it equal something in 5s.. I never thought it had a meaning but I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember..
Haven’t for a few yrs maybe 5 or so but I would count in multiples in my head 2’s,3’s,4’s,5’s,6’s up to around 100 that I’ve got em all memorized now.I think it used to calm me down some.but thinking back I really don’t remember
This is literally me. Finally someone who gets it.
I’d like to hear more? Add my Snapchat? I’d actually love to understand your experience?
YFKING8 is my snap
Though I’ve had severe OCD for 13 years now, ever since an aquired brain injury, I’m here because I all of a sudden became curious about why I add up my grocery prices in my head as I’m shopping. It’s pretty much automatic and I enjoy it, like a game. So this is one one aspect (and just one example) of my OCD that I’d never really thought about before. I was top of the class at math in school and sought it out – studying math one and two, as well as physics. Then I went on to study computer science at university. To me it’s just like doing puzzles, what’s not to like?
In hindsight, though I wasn’t aware at the time, I had mild, manageable OCD signs prior to my TBI and was self-medicating through social drinking (alcohol). While I don’t consider myself “abused” as I child, my stepfather did have PTSD from Vietnam, as well as a military-mindset, so I did live on edge, with a somewhat strict upbringing. Probably where the anxiety and coping mechanisms initially arose.
My mother also has OCD as well as a flair for math and a love of numbers; always noticing patterns. So there may be a hereditary aspect and/or some learned behaviour.
I have PTSD from childhood trauma. I do counting. I count points on signs to see if they total 16. I count letters in words or phrases to get then to total 16. If the word doest total 16 I work to get it to total 16. For example t becomes te or tea to add letters so the total becomes 16; an r can become are; a c can become see. Whatever it takes I will do it over and over until it totals 16 then i can forget it and move on..I know this started as a child and I chose 16 because it’s an even number that can be divided by 2 and keep making even numbers. I am 68 and have never talked about this until recently. It’s been a shock to find out others do this type of counting too. I noticed I did it but never connected it to trauma. I became a licensed RN at the age of 50 but struggled to pass classes. I memorized instead of learned. I couldn’t focus on what was being taught and things just didn’t connect. I wonder if it was because I was counting during lectures. I never felt capable as an RN so I worked as an RN surveyor for medicaid and medicate. I also worked in a prison as an RN. I retired after 10 years because I just didn’t feel capable of caring for patients. I constantly had to look up things and research because I couldn’t remember what I had learned. In nursing school. I was constantly stressed out about it and I kept it hidden. I was taught to be a people pleaser so patents loved me but inside I didn’t feel capable of caring for them medically. I retired at age 63.
8 is my favorite number too…I also like talking or writing in alphabetical order if that makes sense. Learning more and more every day about CPTSD and now how OCD is related. I have been surviving a long time now.