I often work with patients who have a difficult time thinking about what they feel as well as having the felt experience of emotions. I often encounter patients who are more than willing to share their mental health struggles. The stories they share are painful to listen to; the type of resilience my patients have had to possess goes beyond what words can describe. The felt sense of emotion is challenging to identify for some of my patients. The detachment from your felt experience when telling a traumatic story has been studied for quite some time in the trauma field.
Alan Schore-leading Neuroscientist who studies emotions-tells us that identifying with emotions and having a felt experience begins to develop at an early age. Identifying what a child feels in their physical body is modeled to them by their caregiver(s). The caregiver may reflect on the child and what type of emotions the child may be feeling. The child learns how to contain their emotions in their physical body by identifying words that attach to their emotional experience. Dr. Schore refers to this behavior as Dual Awareness.
Parents, however, can provide a different picture of reality for their children. Some parents may have limited ability to access their felt experience of their emotions. The child observes the behavior of their parents, even when the parents are managing their emotional experience in a way that impairs their mental health. Dr. Schore argues that children out of fright develop ways in their physical body to avoid the felt experience of watching their parents not handle their emotions in a helpful manner. Children develop coping skills throughout childhood to help them avoid events, people, and situations where they may have similar felt experiences they had in the past. Dual awareness creates tremendous challenges for children as they emerge into adulthood.
Adults who behave with dual awareness often struggle to manage relationships, especially romantic relationships. The felt experiences of all emotions are necessary to have a rich sexual experience. Patients of mine may struggle with intimacy before and after sex with their partner. The felt experience of intimacy involves experiences like vulnerability and need-first communication. Need-first communication is statements that are used to share with another person what your physical, mental, and emotional needs are. I have patients who disclose that their partner, at times, just “get up and go shower after they have sex”; this partner is left feeling intimately disconnected; although sex helps with physical satisfaction, emotional connection brings about a more fulfilling experience of the sexual encounter. Dual awareness may increase strain on personal relationships.
Dual awareness-related behavior can be managed by working with therapists in an individual therapy setting. I recommend that a person identifies a therapist with some of the following skills. I suggest the therapist is skilled in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). The skills found in this style of therapy help people develop the emotional skills necessary to manage dual awareness-related behaviors.
Second, I suggest the therapist is skilled in helping patients manage emotional and felt experiences during therapy in real-time. The therapist should be able to help a patient “ride the wave” of their emotions. Relationships heal dual awareness. Lastly, I suggest a therapist has some background in the study of the emotional part of a person’s brain. This information informs therapists about how dual awareness impacts negatively a person’s brain. Psychoeducation also is beneficial for patients so they can learn what is happening to their brain when dual awareness is present. Dual awareness can be treated
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Clinical Complex Trauma Specialist (CCTS-1),
Certified Dialectical Behavioral Therapist (C-DBT),
Certified Alcohol & Drug Abuse Counseling (CADC)
